Seanachai Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Hello, All! Yes, it's me again, making yet another bid for your hatred, which is so deservedly mine! Now, everyone who isn't recently arrived knows that it is extremely important to send a letter, card, or postcard filled with their very personal hatred of him to: Seanachai 3841 Grand Ave South Apt. #1 Minneapolis, MN 55409 Frankly, the cards and letters have trailed off rather sharply. And, I might add, without achieving the level of hatred that I, in my humble opinion, feel I deserve. Send your letter, card, or postcard filled with disdain, abuse, and hate. You know you want to. Now, in order to make this thread serve some sort of public service, as well as keeping it bumped up to the top. The problem with my previous 'hate Seanachai' thread was it constantly sank to page 32 because most of you sodding halfwits can't retain even good, solid hatred for longer than it takes to read the next bloody thread. So, this thread will serve the dual purpose of being the Combat Mission: Barbarossa To Berlin Agony Aunt thread. You know the sort of thing! Such as: Dear Seanachai: I'm a first time poster, and I just have to ask: what's with all these people who take their screen names from some reference to the SS, or name themselves after famous German (usually Panzer) Commanders? Is this some sort of 'In Thing', or are they just f'ing idjits? -Puzzled in Budapest Dear PiB: Thanks for Posting! It's good to see new people here on the Combat Mission Forum! But as regards your question, it's a sad but true phenomenon that many people that cannot count to 21 without undoing their fly tend to choose a 'rah-rah, I wish I'd been a member of the Waffen SS' screen name, and that a whole bunch of other people who you'd hoped had half a brain will suddenly come up with a the name of their favourite German Commander when confronted with the need to choose a screen name. The phenomenon of 'choking on life' is unfortunately common, and results in a large number of people who, when registering on the Board, review their own existence and come up with nothing more significant than the name of someone who fought well in a war that was over before they were born. Almost without fail, the people who fall prey to the 'Screen name referencing the SS or a noted German Commander' are under 30 years of age. But don't despair! Not all of them are unimaginitive idiots! Stay on, and you'll find out which ones are actually interesting! This is the 'game within a game' that BFC never mentions! Or, perhaps: Dear Seanachai: I have a lot issues with the way the game currently works. In my opinion, not enough attention is being paid to people, like myself, who have a lot of issues. When will the many issues that people like myself have, be addressed? Until my issues are addressed, I don't know what issue I should take with the various issues raised by other people, that may not be my issue, but may, in their own right, be an issue, or may simply be something that I will in turn take issue with. Any help you can give, provided I don't simply dismiss it as a 'non-issue' will be appreciated. -Poised on the Brink Dear PoB: Let me just say that the Combat Mission Forum is all about serious issues. And that I am all about serious issues. And that, as the completely unofficial spokes-creature for the CMBB Forum, which has, in no way, delegated me to speak for it, but which has also not taken the necessary steps to guarantee that I am in no way regarded as the official voice of the CMBB Forum, I just want to say that the issue you raise is a serious one. And that I stand ready, as the definitive,if completely apocryphal, oracle of the Combat Mission Forum, to address the issues wherever and whenever I may encounter them. Rest assured: I will not be intimidated! Even if you, and I, are told that I have absolutely f'ing nothing to do with BFC, Combat Mission, the Combat Mission Forum and even Reality Itself, I will not hesitate to answer your questions regarding serious issues regarding. And you can take that for the Official Response on the Combat Mission Forum, as long as you realize that the Combat Mission Forum has serious issues with me. Have you sent me a postcard telling me how much you hate me, by the by? And, finally, we come to this sort of question: Dear Seanachai: I'm in a quandary. I have this PBEM opponent who, no matter how badly I behave, no matter what kind of gamey units I buy, or what sort of sordid tactics I indulge in, refuses to hate me as I deserve. It's embarassing for me to admit, but I deeply, deeply long to hear him admit that he hates me. I've done everything I can to stir him up and make him 'get tough' with me. But he just sends turns back with the usual restrained, courteous note. I know that you're all about hatred, Seanachai, and that you've got letters, cards, and postcards on file to prove how hated you are. What can I do? Longing for Discipline and Satisfaction Dear LDS: First things first: Is your opponent English? The English are reserved, detached, and so unforth-coming that you might mistake them for being unaffected by your gamey play, when in fact they are glorying under the whip of your brutal arrogance and in a sweat of pleasure over the fact that you might snub them further. Try offering them fair terms, even chances, and historical setups. This will have them lashing out at you in the most vulgar way, as though they were New Jersey teenagers. If your opponent is not English, the chances are good that they are simply 'foreign', and haven't a bloody clue that you've offered them a 'dominance and submission' setup. Try becoming more direct. Don't just ask them if they want to defend, but ask them if they want to defend 'on their feet, or on their knees'. If even the most direct application of the 'beat me, hurt me, make me do recon with AT assets' doesn't work, consider telling them that you really, really are turned on by people who choose screen names based on references to the SS, or famous German Commanders. If nothing else, they'll either tell you you're one sick puppy, or admit 'hey! me too!' Either outcome will probably make all your dreams come true. Now, I can't promise to answer all the many posts I'm sure I'll get, but I'll do what I can. And don't forget to send your letter, card, or postcard to the address at the top of this unbelievably long post telling me how much you hate me. Because I won't go away, you know, until I've heard from all of you. -Seanachai [ October 30, 2002, 01:24 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuka Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Release the pigeons! Alert the media! Who feck'in cares? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geozero Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 WTF? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuka Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Lookey! Heres one! The guy who named himself after that SS General geozero. Or was it the geozero tank? Seanachai, you have never been more 'Uber'. Andreas and I salute you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeAcH Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 You dont rate the cost of the stamp my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted October 30, 2002 Author Share Posted October 30, 2002 Originally posted by TeAcH: You dont rate the cost of the stamp my friend.Dear TeAcH: While your point neither regards CMBB, CMBO, CM, BFC, or, in fact, much of anything at all, it does raise a very good point about sending Seanachai a letter, card, or postcard filled with your hate. Now, let us be completely realistic here. The price of a stamp, either first class, or postcard rate? You people spill more value in alcohol that misses your mouth every night than is represented by the simple investment of a stamp to tell me how much you hate me. And, to answer the next point that all of you are thinking (well, all of you that are capable of moving on to the next step of thinking about much of anything), 'what about the time I spent scrawling out how much I hate you, huh? What about that, you bastard?' To that I can answer that once the lot of you have engraved your hatred onto a postcard, wielding the pencil as though it were a dagger, tossed off the first class postage in the same way you do the price of the beer, wine, scotch, whiskey, vodka, rum, gin, or rubbing alcohol that ends up in your lap each night, and sent away your postcard filled with hate, you'll notice several things. Your hands will stop shaking, because for the first time in years, you've actually expressed your hate in a constructive and satisfying way, leading to a considerable lessening of your stress levels. As a result, you'll spill far less alcohol, saving you a fortune, and more than making up the price of the postage you spent in sending me the hatred that was previously poisoning your lives. Now, TeAcH, there's no need to thank me, although you probably should. Simply send your letter, card, or postcard today. And feel free to go beyond simply hating me, important as that is. Let all your hatred out. Use a Hallmark card, if you're extremely stressed. They have far more room than the average postcard, and, as a sponge naturally soaks up water, a Hallmark card is the natural and appropriate vessel for vast amounts of hatred. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike the wino2 Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Ooops...I thought this was the "I love Seanachai " thread. Hey man, don't despair, I believe Prince came from Minneapolis and look at the chicks he nailed. Chin up, youngster. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berlichtingen Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 I would probably hate you... ...if I noticed you at all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PondScum Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Dear Editor, I must object in the strongest possible terms to the so-called "advice column" you have recently seen fit to publish in your esteemed organ (dammit, Bauhaus, NOT NOW). This Seanachai bounder might have taken you in with his fine language and twanging elocution, but Good God, man, have you seen what he is suggesting in your pages? Not only does he claim that all Englishmen are converts to rum, sodomy and the lash, not only does he suggest we might secretly enjoy playing some of these gamey blighters that hang about at the edge of the paddock, but.. but.. DAMMIT man, he's comparing us to NEW JERSEY TEENAGERS. What's more, the blasted foreigner is clearly using the advice column as a transparent excuse to avoid sending me a sodding turn. This simply will not do. I DEMAND a printed apology, and the satisfaction of seeing this cad kicked out of town, or I will be FORCED to cancel my subscription. Again. Now, if you will excuse me, I'm off for a good thrashing. Yours etc, Colonel Blimp, 5th Highland Lancers, Moustache And Bar (retd.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer76 Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Dear Sir. We are currently conducting a study on, erm.. "special" persons, which we feel need our attetion and care. People which, rightly, feel they are not understood and valued in the modern society as they deserve. I think we can safly say the you are such a unique and colourfull person. It is therefore with great joy I can announce that you will be granted a special visit to our modern facility. We will explain in more detail upon your arrival what you can expect here, but it is sufficent for you to know that this is a kind of a hotel. And you'll be having a vacation, sorts of, here with us. You'll also be introduced to other wonderful people like your self, I can mention that we have Napoleon (two of them) and Elvis here. I advise you to let your family and friends (including your imaginary ones, which proberly is all of them) that your will be gone for sometime. You may also want to quit your "job". Be ready with all your bags packed by 5th of December, 5 pm. We will pick you up. I can advise you that you will not have to worry about a long journy because we will administer you some sedative to make the trip more enjoyable, for us. Thanks for now, and see you soon. Yours truly, Dr. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbott Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Dear Sirs, I believe Seanachai has gone to far this time! Not only do most that frequent this forum find it extremely difficult to wade through his constant, long winded and meaningless posts we are now subjected to this obvious cry for help. We are asked to send post cards of hate mail to a mentally disturbed individual while only trying to pursue our hobby on this usually informative forum. Not only do I find this inconvenient but also I find it to be greatly disturbing. I believe that P-A-D-L-O-C-K may be to good for this post as moving it to the WAY OFF TOPIC FORUM may be as well. The only action I believe that may be appropriate would be to let Seanachai know that we would rather have a sister in a whorehouse then be subjected to more posts on this forum of this disturbing nature. I believe there are places people like Seanachai can be put for the safety of society in general. Many disturbed people like Seanachai are housed in the appropriate facilities or at the very least court ordered to daily meetings albeit along with most of the Dallas Cowboys football team. May the moderators of this fine forum please take the appropriate action in this case by notifying the proper authorities in Minneapolis. Also please take note that Russian 82mm mortar teams can not fit in jeeps? Ah yes, and ATR teams can not jump! Thank you for your consideration, Abbott [ October 30, 2002, 03:00 AM: Message edited by: Abbott ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Dear Seanachai- My momma always told me that playing CM against boys while I was wearing a bathing suit meant that I was a tramp and that I could possibly pick up a virus, which is something nice boys don't have. But I think lots of my friends are doing those things and they get so many offers for games! Like all the time! Was my momma right? Should I put pants on when I'm playing my PBEM turns? -Wants to be Popular in Minneapolis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malakovski Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Originally posted by dalem: Dear Seanachai- My momma always told me that playing CM against boys while I was wearing a bathing suit meant that I was a tramp and that I could possibly pick up a virus, which is something nice boys don't have. But I think lots of my friends are doing those things and they get so many offers for games! Like all the time! Was my momma right? Should I put pants on when I'm playing my PBEM turns? -Wants to be Popular in MinneapolisHmmm. You're in Minneapolis. He's in Minneapolis. Say, dalem, why don't you save all the rest of us boarders here a bit of postage and ink, and delivery our hatred to Seanachai in person? A good swift kick in the danglies should convey the message nicely I think. Yes...succinct, yet very, very painful. I like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malakovski Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Originally posted by Seanachai: Hello, All! (nothing of note) -SeanachaiIn the time it took you to haul that gruesome, narcissistic verbiage out of the depths of your soul, I bet you could have played all eight of your CMBO PBEM turns, then played all twelve of your BB turns, then done the dishes, and then polished your belly to a lovely sheen with a bit of steel wool. Or at least sent me my turn. Idjit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soddball Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Ye gods. It is so true that the less people have to say, the louder they say it. It's like being in a room with Naomi Campbell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuka Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Like you'd know what to do with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holien Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Dear Seanachai, I am very un-happy with the way the beta testers tested the game. They have made glaring errors and I think they were not testing the game but playing it. I am outraged that they have not spotted the Major problems with puny guns knocking out my Uber tanks head on. HOW ON EARTH COULD THEY HAVE MISSED THIS?? Could you give me advice on how to wind up the testers so that we can see them froth at the mouth? Best Regards Disgusted Holien Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Dear Nong/Seanachai/Gnome 69 skidoo) Why is everyone picking on we beta-testers? and tyler too) What's the plural of nemesis? Yours in hate and pure spite, Mace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soddball Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Stuka said: Like you'd know what to do with her. Clearly your straw-filled brain failed to understand my inference. I referred to her not as supermodel but as psychotic, looney bitchqueen from hell. Given a choice of what to do with her, I would maroon her on a small Scottish island and force her to spend the rest of her life living off raw fish. Pompous cow. Oh, and Sod Off. My point still stands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchy Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Dear Seanachai, I hope you will be able to help me with my problem. I've been playing a PBEM against a well known Gnome. I just want to know if I am correct in saying that Gnomes are gamey bastiches! I think it's the red pointy hats they wear...it feeds their über egos. Do you think I should start a crusade to defeat all Gnomes? Thanks for your help! Pitiful and Perplexed Persephone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Capt Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Dear Seanachoo, I am not actually The_Capt but his legal representation (as we are EVIL we won't spring for an account at BFC..((That stands for Belgian Fried Chicken btw but that is another law suit)) Your "advice column" is not but a rip off of the Once and Whatever Lurker and as such I have a written court order from the Circuit Judge of Death Valley to cease and desist this cheap and poorly executed knock-off. We will be in touch and you may want to contact an organ broker in China to help pay for the suit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Awww how cute ya all are! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nidan1 Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 What is this another one of those damned "Peng Threads" in disguise, don't you guys use up enough bandwidth on this forum as it is? BFC do somefink about this please. Who is this Seanachai guy anyway? Why would I want to waste energy hating him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yowie Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Dear Mr Gnome *hic* Can I call you Mr Gnome? How can any *hic* one possibly hate you? I have always enjoyed *hic* your wonderful and humorous posts. Ever since I first came across the wonderful world of pain.. oopsh... PENG.. *hic* I just cannot shtay away... Everytime, your posts fill me up with that warm and fuzzy feelings. A day is just not right *hic* without seeing a new post from you. When I'm troubled, I recite your words of wisdom and find the way...*hic.. hic.. * Whenever I have problem sleeping, I just look at the garden gnome which I keep on the dais in my room, that little red hat shomehow radiates a sense of comfort *hic* and I alwaysh feel safe knowing that *hic* little gnome is nearby... Shinsherely *hic* Your most loyal fan... PS. I have my favourite Britney Spears poster right next to the garden Gnome in my room, I hope you like it. PPS. I'll really send you a post card if I manage to stay drunk long enough. *hic* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 I wonder how many idjits put their return address on those postcards? I'm mean, I've met Seanachai several times, but I made damned sure he didn't know where I lived.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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