Michael Dorosh Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Dear Seanachai First off, I truly hate you, but I would never tell you that knowing what joy it would bring you. My question for you is this: if CMBB is supposed to be an expanded, evermore groggy version of the CM franchise, where have all the grogs gone? I mean the ultra grogs? Rexford (who is mistakenly reputed to have once used a smiley, taking him out of the ubergrog category (it was later proven to have been Maximus trying to create a new "legitimate" image for himself) has only recently rejoined our ranks and JasonC is still absent without leave. What gives? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Dorosh Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Dear Seanachai First off, I truly hate you, but I would never tell you that knowing what joy it would bring you. My question for you is this: if CMBB is supposed to be an expanded, evermore groggy version of the CM franchise, where have all the grogs gone? I mean the ultra grogs? Rexford (who is mistakenly reputed to have once used a smiley, taking him out of the ubergrog category (it was later proven to have been Maximus trying to create a new "legitimate" image for himself) has only recently rejoined our ranks and JasonC is still absent without leave. What gives? EDIT - <font color="green">My true hatred is so intense that it can only properly be registered via several identical posts.</font> [ October 30, 2002, 12:20 PM: Message edited by: Michael Dorosh ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbott Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 AHA! The ole' double post trick! Do you think anyone is going to fall for that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 I've already sent you TWO post cards, you simpering outerboard troll skank. Send me a feckin' turn! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdmorse Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Wankers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmyjames Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Dear Mr. S I am a noobie and have a very large member number. However I am not angry or mad at random people or game mechanics. I have a capslock key that works, CAPSLOCK, but I never seem to be able to post entire messages using it. I also use complete sentences and decent grammer. This is a problem for me as all the other noobies don't seem to have anything wrong with them. How can I be the same? Please help me become angry and mad all the time too, you seem to be skilled in that regard. Thanks in advance, Poster with Problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Dorosh Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Originally posted by Abbott: AHA! The ole' double post trick! Do you think anyone is going to fall for that?See my edit.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchy Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Originally posted by jdmorse: Wankers!jd, I believe Elvis owns the copyright to "Wankers"...hope he doesn't bring a lawsuit against you. Persephone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Hiram Sedai Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Madam Seanachai, My disdain for you started when I was just a fetus. When both of my brain cells combined efforts, the disdain started for all things Bard. As I was torn from the womb I screamed your name at the doctor and he decided to slap me anyway. As a toddler, I would scrawl your likeness upon my bedroom walls with the only paint I could find. Since it was always available, your brown, geriatric visage was always there until my poor mother would scrub it away. As I learned to stumble and then walk, I would practice kicking the bard. I imagined your face upon that hapless soccer ball and would shout epithets at your personage. I encouraged my playmates to play games like “eviscerate the bard” and “stomp the gnome” but they were much more interested in other activities. So, I continued alone in my quest to pummel you. Flash forward through my prepubescent angst and pitfalls of life. The time finally arrived when I became your squire. The others taunted and shat upon me with their vile prose because I was connected to you with a tenuous umbilical cord of slavery. You wanted me to beat another squire and I purposely lost because it was your wish that I would win. You did not show your disappointment because you suddenly knew that I wasn’t there to do your bidding after all. I noticed that you began to become concerned with your new squire and chose to distance me. Perhaps you sensed that I would like nothing more than to put on my Seanachai kicking boots and go to town. But then again, I probably overestimated you. With each sonnet and poetic musing you uttered, I abhorred you more. You took others squires and did a poor job mentoring them too. Maybe they will figure out that poetry and pretty words don’t help in battles. Now, you revel in a sick, demented, sadomasochistic world of your own making. You want others to pay attention to you and pretend to hate you so you can respond with pithy sayings. You flex your cerebral muscles as your flabby body undulates with disgusting rhythm and is replete with back hair. I no longer lose my lunch thinking about you. There was a time when a spineless worm such as yourself would disgust me and force me to look away. That time is past. It’s your turn to reply with the false assumption that I am phobic and projecting. Just know as you step into your unwashed pajamas this evening and cuddle with your plastic love mate, that I do hate you. It’s hatred combined with a bit of fear that there are others like you and they may be living near me. It’s also a bit of concern that you may have influenced a generation of effeminate poets and testosterone driven anger may be a thing of the past soon. You can reply with your pedantic mewling now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enoch Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Dear Seanachai, I hate you. Love, Enoch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Hiram, don't sugar-coat it. Give it to him straight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nippy Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Seanachai 3841 Grand Ave South Apt. #1 Minneapolis, MN 55409 Forget Iraq, Iran, and North Korea. The Peng Challenge, "Waffen Grenadier" threads, and Minneapolis-Minnesota are the new Axis of evil! P.S. Thanks for the address, now I can call Operation Tips and give them the location of a true "evil doer." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pvt. Ryan Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Clean up in aise six! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malakovski Posted October 31, 2002 Share Posted October 31, 2002 Nemeses. It was a name though, so it was never plural in the original language. Git. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted October 31, 2002 Share Posted October 31, 2002 Dear Aunty Agony: I'm at wit's end. I don't ... I don't CARE what the statistical chances of a first round hit are when you compare the AI to a human firing! Does this make me a bad man? Is a "Chi" value equivilant to half of has-been Hispanic golfer's first name? I haven't sent you a card and probably won't, does this make me a bad man? Is it truly a 50.00% chance for a flipped coin to land "heads up" or is the coin's AI cheating? I don't hate you today as much as I did when we were on Lake ManyTonkaToys (I REALLY wanted to push you in but I figured dalem would jump in and save you (he's weird that way) so I didn't. Does this make me a bad man? Napless in Salt Lake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted October 31, 2002 Author Share Posted October 31, 2002 Originally posted by dalem: Dear Seanachai- My momma always told me that playing CM against boys while I was wearing a bathing suit meant that I was a tramp and that I could possibly pick up a virus, which is something nice boys don't have. But I think lots of my friends are doing those things and they get so many offers for games! Like all the time! Was my momma right? Should I put pants on when I'm playing my PBEM turns? -Wants to be Popular in MinneapolisDear WtbPiM: Your Mother is the victim of Old World thinking, and no mistake! There's nothing wrong with wanting to be popular! But, Wants To Be, and here I must try and be delicate, you have to remember that I actually know who you are, and have seen you in Real Life. You will get far more games, and make far more friends, if you avoid the bathing suit. In your case, I think the old saying 'a burnoose can cover a multitude of sins' about fits your situation. Bundle up, lad! Winter is coming! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cortes Posted October 31, 2002 Share Posted October 31, 2002 Hey! I'm from Jersey! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malakovski Posted October 31, 2002 Share Posted October 31, 2002 More gnomish blather? There had better be a turn in my in box when I get home... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted October 31, 2002 Author Share Posted October 31, 2002 Originally posted by Holien: Dear Seanachai, I am very un-happy with the way the beta testers tested the game. They have made glaring errors and I think they were not testing the game but playing it. I am outraged that they have not spotted the Major problems with puny guns knocking out my Uber tanks head on. HOW ON EARTH COULD THEY HAVE MISSED THIS?? Could you give me advice on how to wind up the testers so that we can see them froth at the mouth? Best Regards Disgusted HolienDear Disgusted Holien: This is a complaint that simply no one can ever get tired of! It is both emminently fair, and completely logical. Since BFC have brought to us two of the greatest wargames ever made, and clearly walk if not 'on' the water, then no more than an inch or two below the surface, someone else must be to blame for all the soddingly stupid things that happen in the game. Those people, of course, are the Beta Testers, who've betrayed not only you and I, but BFC as well. But, when the question arises as to what should be done to properly 'punish' them for their treachery, failures, and vileness, you run up against the same thing over and over. You see, Holien, I've met quite a few of the Beta Testers, and the ones I've met have discussed the others at some length. And the the fact is that these people are not simply mad, they are barking mad! How does one go about winding up people who bathe in their own urine, hold long, out loud conversations with various dead and departed historical figures while riding the bus, and who actually believe that modeling Real Life tactics is more significant than catering to the half-witted prejudices and personal wants of legions of 'dudes' who want it so because they think it should be so? I mean, really? But try this: Go to the General Forum and start up a thread titled something like: 'First thing we do, let's kill all the Beta Testers!' Pour out your favourite: 'this game is so stupid because' story, and directly attibute the result to a specific Beta Testers actions and comments to BFC. Then offer to let people know the names of each Beta Tester that is responsible for whatever it is that they think is most improperly modeled. It doesn't matter who you name (I can get you a list of Beta Testers screen names -- don't go by anything in the manual, those are just blinds. I have the real list of names!), just take a dart and throw it at the list. Not only will this irritate the hell out of them, but they will then start showing up to attack you, the other unhappy players, and defend themselves. Enjoy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted October 31, 2002 Author Share Posted October 31, 2002 Originally posted by Persephone: Dear Seanachai, I hope you will be able to help me with my problem. I've been playing a PBEM against a well known Gnome. I just want to know if I am correct in saying that Gnomes are gamey bastiches! I think it's the red pointy hats they wear...it feeds their über egos. Do you think I should start a crusade to defeat all Gnomes? Thanks for your help! Pitiful and Perplexed PersephoneDear Pitiful and Perplexed: My dear, you are indeed quite right in that all Gnomes are gamey swine, but you attribute it to the wrong cause. Gnomes are gamey, do you see, and do indeed seem to suffer from huge egos, but this is because of 'short man syndrome'. Their lack of stature and the insecurity that comes with it is what powers their needy demands for attention, a symptom of which is vile, gamey play that leads to the defeat of very nice women who've never done them any harm at all. The wearing of the pointy red hat, in fact, is an attempt to 'appear taller', and the colour is designed, yet again, to call attention to themselves. If you do decide to undertake a crusade, remember that it should be a crusade not simply to 'defeat' all Gnomes, but to Crush All Gnomes Utterly! However, this forum presently offers a dearth of gnomes for proper crushing. Your best bet is to post something cutting and personal to the useless swine in question, and then snicker at him in a dismissive way. Take your cue from Soddball. He understands this sort of thing perfectly. I imagine he's not more than 5'7" himself, in fact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Leader Posted October 31, 2002 Share Posted October 31, 2002 Dear Seanachai: When I signed up on this forum, I chose the name Panzer Leader 'cause he is one bad-ass Nazi general mo-fo, who whipped up on them French weenies like nobodies business. He is like me, I think. Now, the problem is, I don't want people to get confused and think I chose my name after that broke-down old man Guderian who got fired from his job and got a pension as some kind of gun-barrel polish inspector until after the war when he womanishly started pointing fingers at all them other bad-ass nazi generals and saying it was THEIR faults that he lost his nerve when confronted with that nameless, countless horde, the Rushins. See what I mean? So, my question is, how do I let people know (short of giving them the smack-down everytime they get confused which would wear me out 'cause there's so many numbskulls out there) that I am the BADASS MOFO PANZER LEADER? Signed, Too Badass for me moniker in Kansas (really Missouri) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted October 31, 2002 Author Share Posted October 31, 2002 Originally posted by The_Capt: Dear Seanachoo, I am not actually The_Capt but his legal representation (as we are EVIL we won't spring for an account at BFC..((That stands for Belgian Fried Chicken btw but that is another law suit)) Your "advice column" is not but a rip off of the Once and Whatever Lurker and as such I have a written court order from the Circuit Judge of Death Valley to cease and desist this cheap and poorly executed knock-off. We will be in touch and you may want to contact an organ broker in China to help pay for the suit.Dear The Capt I know it's you, lad, because no lawyer uses that many words unless each one is billable. Now, you're quite wrong, as the esteemed 'Once and Future Lurker' was more of an open, essay sort of thing, in the spirit of Dennis Miller, or Hunter S. Thompson. Except not as good, of course. Still, it was and is a very fine effort by someone who's issues with life, religion, sex, death, and puppets of all sorts have rendered them completely incapable of holding down anything like a normal job, and who post the 'Once and Future Lurker' column sporadically, as the General Disability checks come in, leading to a temporary but plentiful supply of alcohol. As such, The Capt is no more capable of offering 'advice' to other people than Idi Amin is of hosting a Christian Telethon. It is well known that whatever useful information might ever have come out of the 'Lurker' thread was completely the product of Pippu. [ October 30, 2002, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: Seanachai ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LGMB Posted October 31, 2002 Share Posted October 31, 2002 Time to put my money where my mouth is, and send forth my hatered into the great unkown.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Dorosh Posted October 31, 2002 Share Posted October 31, 2002 Originally posted by Lord General MB: Time to put my money where my mouth is, and send forth my hatered into the great unkown....As a word to the wise, I recommend you get help addressing the postcard. The nice lady at the post office will be able to help you out. Hate to see you waste 65 cents! [ October 30, 2002, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: Michael Dorosh ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Capt Posted October 31, 2002 Share Posted October 31, 2002 Originally posted by Seanachai: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by The_Capt: Dear Seanachoo, I am not actually The_Capt but his legal representation (as we are EVIL we won't spring for an account at BFC..((That stands for Belgian Fried Chicken btw but that is another law suit)) Your "advice column" is not but a rip off of the Once and Whatever Lurker and as such I have a written court order from the Circuit Judge of Death Valley to cease and desist this cheap and poorly executed knock-off. We will be in touch and you may want to contact an organ broker in China to help pay for the suit.Dear The Capt I know it's you, lad, because no lawyer uses that many words unless each one is billable. Now, you're quite wrong, as the esteemed 'Once and Future Lurker' was more of an open, essay sort of thing, in the spirit of Dennis Miller, or Hunter S. Thompson. Except not as good, of course. Still, it was and is a very fine effort by someone who's issues with life, religion, sex, death, and puppets of all sorts have rendered them completely incapable of holding down anything like a normal job, and who post the 'Once and Future Lurker' column sporadically, as the General Disability checks come in, leading to a temporary but plentiful supply of alcohol. As such, The Capt is no more capable of offering 'advice' to other people than Idi Amin is of hosting a Christian Telethon. It is well known that whatever useful information might ever have come out of the 'Lurker' thread was completely the product of Pippu.</font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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