THE BLOODY PENG CHALLENGE THREAD: ESCAPE FROM DOWNUNDER

[David Aitken]

<font size="+4">Enough, God damn you!!</font>

<font size="+6">>:0</font>

Stop defacing the minimalistically stylish Peng Thread with your crimes against colour coordination!

[Hakko Ichiu]

All I want for Feckmas is to have my bloody mailserver working again. Some of you useless eejits have been trying to send me files (MarkIV, Chuppy, Shaw, is it you?) and my stupid server keeps choking on them like last years fruitcake. At least I know it's not Geier because he's still comatose from the lutefisk enema he's received at the hands of my Gerbiljägers.

I wish you all famine, pestilence, war and death and may you all find anatomically correct Real Dolls™ in your significant others' stockings (why they might be wearing your significant others' stockings is a question I'll leave to your imaginations).

So, ho, ho, feck! Where's my flamethrower anyway?

Prof. Doktor Hamster X

Generalissimo and President-for-Life

Hamster Liberation Front

1-800-HAMSTER

Bah, Humbug™

[Mark IV]

A generic holiday wish for you all:

Regardless of your preferences or persuasions, may the AP always strike you right at the turret ring.

I'll be gone back to Detroit and CM-less through Thursday night (Win2K blew up the laptop big time... it'll be up on the hoist for a week or so). I will no doubt be monitoring your collective blather from afar, since you usually manage to destroy the thread when I'm gone, and there's not one of you useless buggers can be trusted.

So have a strong bottle of cheer and go for a drive in the snow. Tell the officer I said it was OK.

HI: I sent the file long ago and am not stupid enough to keep resending it, when you rarely open them the same week anyway. Your jabo(s) suck(s) and they are a gamey, cheating, low-life abstraction. You said I'd never make it over the river, but I did, and now I'm a-gonna kill ya. Anybody could cross where you did.

[OGSF]

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BUDDABUDDABUDDA!! (wheeeee) KABLOOOIE!!!

Will ye shat thet feckin' row ye knobbly kneed fawnin' beggars! "Merry Christmas" this, "Happy feckin' Eagles" that, "Ah dinnae mean tae be nice, but Ah'm a feckin' dweeb an Ah cannae help mahsailf....."

Bursta Bubbles Has suffered a crushing and humiliating defeat at mah skillfulhand....Ah just need tae see the file back.....

Speedy A stankin' meeting engagement which will see us wi' three troops remaining between us...mark mah words, a vicious scrap aboot tae begin here....

StukaAs bein' crushed inexorably lak the wee witch in King Solomon's Mines.

Mace We're in tha setup phase, and Ah thank he's defeated already!

LorakMah ex-Liege as made a show as if he actually intends tae win this thing....Ah fully expect tradition tae hold though and fer him tae snatch defeat fraim tha jaws o' victory

Seanachai He scampers intae tha village lak a squirrel intai a skunk trap. Ah leek tha enthusiasm...

Nijis What goes "Boom! Boom!"? Mah wee 105's 'll huff and puff an' blooo ye hoose(s) doon!

MeeksHurry back sae Ah kin finish ye off.

Af'n Ah've fergotten tae mention ye, at's cos ye too feckin' sloo tae send mae a turrrn.

As fer tha rest of ye poxy scab pickin' chicken humpers.....Merry Christmas or whatever ye celebrate...at's been a grand year...

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCD

Edited cos Ah feckin' felt leek at.

[This message has been edited by OGSF (edited 12-24-2000).]

[dalem]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

SCHELDTDORFMUNDLUFTSBURG, Germany - Sources close to the latest giant armor battle raging on the ground in the world of CM indicate that the American Yankee Gangsters under the command of Marlow (AKA "MarLowBrow") may have given the decadent Amerikaners yet another unneccessary Christmas present to place under their non-Glorious-Reich trees.

Sergeant Applepie, a tank destroyer commander in MarLowBrow's unit, was quoted as saying "Yeehaw! We juss drove like a bat out of hell and stuck it right to those Kraut bastards! It was like they wasn't even in their tanks or nuthin'! They all juss blowed up real good!"

OberstDenialTruppen Hans Kuvrupp, of the dalem Ministry of Propaganda, read the following prepared statement to us when questioned about the early stages of the ongoing battle: "The forces under the command of OberMeister dalem have suffered a setback, but it was most assuredly not due to the confused actions of the necrophilic, opium-addicted, "Mama's House"-watching Yankee commander, MarLowBrow. We did have a platoon of tanks in a peaceful laager on our extreme left and they did apparently burst into flames very quickly, but early indications are that the explosions were due to some sort of mechanical failure. I am confident that further events in this battle will be as easily explained for you all. Thank you and Happy Holidays, wherever you are."

[This message has been edited by dalem (edited 12-24-2000).]

[Speedy]

Bloody Hell that was scary. Don't ever do that again BTS, I had to go out into the real world.

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Work is the curse of the drinking class.

I have nothing else to say. Ya, quote that you rat bastards.

-Meeks

[Mark IV]

Really! I had to chat.

I tried to run CM on the folks old abacus here, but it really can't handle it (loads, but no va, as GM would say), so it looks like some unfortunates will be waiting until Friday for their topplementations to continue. Too bad, you should have lost quicker.

Good thing Santa brought lots of scotch.

[Hiram Sedai]

Good Morning Cesspool!!!

I hope each of you also got your Eagles sweatshirts, shirts, socks, boxer shorts, gloves, hats, and beer cozeys. If you didn't, then you have my sympathy. Like Mark IV, I also had to chat. Santa was challenging people on Christmas Eve but I wasn't feeling lucky. So, I just sat and chatted with the shiny happy people.

I also hope that each of you had a substantially more exciting and fulfilling holiday than I did.

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Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

[Guest Germanboy]

Bauhaus has ripped a leaf out of my favourite book, entitled 'How artillery helped me overcome my tactical deficiencies', by Col. Redleg Tubehugger, author of the once-famous 'Arty - a bunch of whinos or a branch of the service in its own right?', '75 interesting things you can do to your opponent if you have arty', and the sequel '125 much more interesting things to do to your opponent with arty'. I hate Bauhaus, he took it and ran with it. I wonder what kind of mental problem he is trying to overcome by using 300mm rickets (to quote Chubba Chops: 'hehheh, hehehehehehe, 300mm, heh') on my poor sods. All they did was kill him a lot. I'll torture his survivors when I am finished and let you know.

Oh, hope you had a rotten break, all of you.

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Andreas

<a href="http://www.geocities.com/greg_mudry/sturm.html">Der Kessel</a >

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[This message has been edited by Germanboy (edited 12-26-2000).]

[jdmorse]

Time to pick up where I left off... Lorak dust off the book of topplement yet again. GiTommy has learned that galavanting around and posing out in the "real world"™ does not mean anyting here. After spending quite a bit of time playing at Ruged Defense. MsTom has learned that the "opponents he was facing out there prepared him not one whit for 'pool play.

So what was the denouement? Major victory and a 82-18 drubbing called early by ceasefire. The casuality ratio. 205 to 56! Now that is generalship. But then I am an average player and will need this win to offset my impending drubbing by Satan's spawn Marltoad but that's yet to come and so I can proudly echo Bastogne's heroic stand on this anniversary and say "Nuts"

So inscribe:

JD-win

Gitom-humiliation

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If frogs had uzi's, snakes woudn't mess with them so much. - Hiram

[Hiram Sedai]

Where do I go to enlist in the AOP?

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Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

[David Aitken]

Hiram Sedai wrote:

> Where do I go to enlist in the AOP?

You'll find a recruiting office at your local hospital or mental institution.

[Lorak]

Well, I hope all of you and yours are having a wonderful holiday season. I just remind all of you to take a moment out of your day to fall down upon your knees and wallow in the greatness that is Lorak. Yes make sure you remember that it is I, Lorak and my beloved celtic kin that created this wonderful holiday, so that you may get a vacation from work.

In other news... I am blessed that once again turns for my games are flying back and forth accross the cosmos.

Germanboy...what can I say? I really like to trap shoot and this scenario fits the bill nicely. Germanboy keeps yelling "pull" and throwing his AFV's forward.. and I keep taking aim with my guns, and shattering them like clay.

Berli... Well it is a well know fact that I take great pride in helping those less than me. So it is with great pride that I am letting Berli win this one. In fact I got so worried that Berli might screw up this victry I am giving him.. that I had to rush my sherman out in the open with no cover to be blown up. Hopefully even berli cann't screw this on up.

OBSF... well...He is one of my finer students. Once again I am allowing him to run roughshod over my americans. But like most children, I have to punish him when he starts to get a little too cocky. So at the end of every game I decide to show him how much damamage I can do with a handfull of my surviors. This helps him understand how little hope he would have if I actualy played the whole game to win.

moriarty...This has turned into a wonderful little teaching tool. I am trying my best to arange my topplement, but Mori keeps showing up determained to lose. But now, due to my great planning, I don't think even Mori can wtake this loss away from me.

Yes peasents. It truly is wonderful that I find myself back here among you sorry excuse for human beings. I find the only thing dimmer than the lights in this pool, are your wits. But fear not. I am Lorak. I will shine my grace and light upon you. I will lift you up and place you upon mountains. Yes, even mearly walking in the shadow of one as great as I can do wonders for your souls. Follow and learn, then you too will find your places upon the mountain, peering down at the withering slugs in the valley below.

Lorak the loathed

oh,

jdmorse-win

GiTom-loss

[Stuka]

In the interests of spreading Celtic culture around the globe, I wish it known that Santa has brought me Enyas latest CD.

I know you will care Lorak but as for the rest of you missing links, go back to speaking at each other in chirps, whistles and grunts.

[Lorak]

Happy Holidays from Enya !

lets see your mormon wives top that !

Lorak the loathed

[Lorak]

humm... Sorry for the run on of pictures.

But I can't show one fine celtic lassie and not throw out a pic of my other celtic love (not including my wife).

Mairead Ni Mhaonaigh (lead singer and fiddle for Altan)

Lorak the loathed

[Berlichtingen]

Lorak has been demonstrating his greatness to me. It is truly an impressive spectacle. The Sherman popping out into the open to play long range gunnery chicken against Tigers was one of the truly high points. Also, his demonstrations of how to properly rout were truly enlightening. When Lorak dies, I'll keep him in a box for amusement.

[Lorak]

LOL !

Berli,

I am truly glad you amuse me so. If not I would be forced to give your postings some thought. I am honored that you found my sherman "blunder" to be so interesting. I saw where I might actualy win this game. That my friend, would mess up my perfect winless streak as a defender. So I rushed my sherman out, hoping you would hit it, to even up the odds some. I am glad to see that it has worked. By this point in our last game, (a meeting engagment), your men where all fled or fleeing off the map crying.

I am happy that you have learned something from me, LORAK! In at least you are making a game out of it this time.

Now be a good little devil and settle down and stop that dancing before your un-trimmed hooves tear a hole in the carpet.

Lorak the loathed

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedy:

Bloody Hell that was scary. Don't ever do that again BTS, I had to go out into the real world.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And I like to thank all of you who visited the CMHQ chat server over the past few days and helped argue the case for the re-opening of the pool.

Our continual whinging and groaning about it being closed for drainage work (and the removal of several bodies and dumped, stolen cars) drove Matt to desparation and the early restoration of services.

And be rest assured Spudy, the population of Australia are rejoicing that you're no longer out on the streets, but safe within the confines of this here pool.

Now excuse me, lowlife scum, I must complete my self-nomination for the 2001 Order of Australia awards, for services rendered to humanity (and the sheep in my backyard)!

Mace

[Goanna]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> BTW, Goanna, cat urine does improve the effect of smoke, but you need to put the cat in the bag with the chips before shaking. Just thought I'd point that out.[/Qoute]

But, previously,

. . . jellied gas, hickory chips and a sack full of feral cats. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So, as you can clearly see, hell’s half-sister, the cat is clearly already in the bag (pun intended). Satan should have picked a better place for you education than the gyrenes. He’s not too smart, but he can lift heavy things.

The rest of you lot think you've got it rough. I had to sit here in Oman with virtually no new content on the web to look at for two whole days. I couldn't even run the chat through CMHQ, so quit yer catterwallin (damn, starting to sound like OGSF).

Ahem, now feel free to defile my good name for a few days without a terse response from me as I will be completing my current service here and going on holidays with my lovely wife in the real world™ until 9 Jan when I will begin your topplements in earnest.

[Joe Shaw]

I have a few issues ... but my lifetime subscription to Rubber Suit and Whip magazine has expired so I decided to post here in lieu of reading old issues.

I have neglected to respond to the idiot (I've forgotten who exactly, I realize that the description I just used could be applied to virtually ANY of you) who had the nerve to post a bogus Mormon Wife. I, of course, took exception immediately, Senility correctly ruled <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>...Joe has the right of it...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> at which this idiot (see above) made the ludicrous claim that he was talking about ... wait for it now ... Future Mormon Wives and was thus exempt from the prohibition! This is so obviously fallacious that I hardly need to delineate the error, but since Andreas reads the board from time to time I will state that a FUTURE WIFE (of any stripe) is, in point of fact, an oxymoron! Not as bad as Geeks (welcome back mate) or Maced mind you but still an oxymoron. Perhaps if we had less methane and more oxygen down here we wouldn't have so many morons but there you have it, we must play the hand we're dealt ... no Bloushouse not THAT kind of playing with your hand.

I promised an AAR on the epic battle in the night between ShermanToy and myself but after a gripping (sit DOWN Bloushouse) and dramatic start, to wit: "It was a dark and stormy night ...", I realized that the bulk of the AAR would consist of variations on the basic theme of RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! on both sides. This was due to the setup created by himself (Andreas that is) in which we both had Green troops and the LOS was a total of 32 meters! The tactical acumen displayed by both sides was therefore pretty much limited to creeping around until we touched, almost literally, the enemy at which point both sides would go into panic mode and run away. It was, in short, a draw ... which is better than our previous game which resulted in losses for MOI!

Finally, may I offer my Seasons Greetings to one and all and may I also congratulate Lorak on his seasonal decorations here in the 'pool. I'm especially impressed by the mistletoe garlands (and, I must admit, somewhat disturbed at the same time) on the walls ... odd looking mistletoe though ... hmmm, perhaps if I get closer ... it's green after all, with little red things ... OHMIGOD {gack} IT'S NOT MISTLETOE IT'S ... {gaaacckkk} IT'S ... {GAAAAACCCCCCKKK}...

Joe

[Herr Oberst]

Just a bump...

One lousy bump...

One lousy little bump like all the rest on Croda's backside...

How do I know? PeterNZ told me so!!!

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To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee...

[Hiram Sedai]

Now that the holiday season has defecated upon us, I see that most of the pool inhabitants are doing more important things than posting and reading. Therefore, I can do as I wish because I don't have a life or a purpose in being. It was Calvinism that really rocked my sense of self worth and pushed me over the edge towards Heathenism. The predestination and for-ordination was too much to deal with and so I sit here smelling like last night's beer. I had a great theological discussion with someone last night as we drank Heinekins and smoked little cigars. I think it was my tattoos that frightened him more than my theological rant I sometimes go on. But, that is a story for another day.

The subject at hand is the condition of the pool. We like the fetid odor of the pool with little floaty bits that cling to you when you step in. We've taken turns splashing and wallowing in the pool and many of you have refused to step back into the pool because it doesn't smell like it used to when you would expectorate or break wind. Its just not the same as when the interesting people would post. Here is my opinion and you may print this and put it on your fridge for your neighbors to gawk at when they visit you for tea and crumpets.

This is difficult because you are all so damn smart and I know I'm going to have my ass handed to me as soon I post this damn thing. But, here goes: Get over yourselves. If I am the reason you no longer post and no longer read, then come and get me. Attack me verbally. Challenge me to a PBEM game and then laugh uproarously when you destroy something of mine. Come and get it I'm not giving up and I challenge each of you knuckleheads to stay and post. Do you have the intellect and the venom? Don't make me do a survey. I have your email addresses. And with some of you, I have your home addresses.

When you see an Eagles green Saturn pull up outside of your home, cover the furniture and hide the cat.

That is all...for now.

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Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

[Mark IV]

Hiram: Here is your ass.

Calvinism is one of the dumbest variations of the Judeo-christian brand of superstition, and giving it even a moment's credence, and I mean even trying it on in the dressing room when no one is looking, is ample reason to doubt one's self-worth with justification. You certainly took the long route to heathenism.

I too had an interesting theological discussion last night by way of spoiling a Christmas party, at least for those within earshot, and I enjoyed it immensely. The subject was reconciling science with faith. After listening to all the smarmy mewling I could stand, I felt compelled to note that any attempt to do so was inherently bad science, and probably bad faith. It decayed from there, and there will probably be wicker effigies of me up and down the street this morning. I am very proud.

If there was a little 15-turn something around with no weather effects I could probably get this etch-a-sketch 'puter of my parents to run it. Then I could use CM to demonstrate the error of your theology and affirm either a) apostasy or Catholicism, possibly thereby ameliorating the damnation you so richly deserve.

[Croda]

Hiram -

My lack of posts has nothing to do with you. I'm not posting because I'm only working half-days this week. I only post from work, because I am bored here. I never post from home because my net connection is too slow, and my spacebar sticks.

As for Calvanism, I rank it right beside Hobbesism as my favorite cartoon of all time. I had too many years of Catholic schooling to be religious anymore.

As for handing you your ass, it'll have some many bullets in it you may not recognize it anymore, but your ass is on your way to you via our PBEM.

And most people are on vacation and playing with their new toys right now (like my new Home Theater System, yippee!). They will return to posting next week.

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WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! -

THIS SIG FILE BELONGS TO A COMPLETE FOO.

MR T WOULDN'T BE SO KIND AS TO WRINKLE AN EYEBROW AT THIS UNFORTUNATE BEING. PLEASE OFFER HIS PARENTS AND COHABITANTS ALL SYMPATHY POSSIBLE. MAY BE CONTAGIOUS. CONTAINS ARTIFICIAL SWEETNER, INTELLIGENCE AND WIT. STAND WELL CLEAR AND LIGHT WICK. BY ORDER PETERNZ

Damn Croda. That is one funny sig!!!

must suck to be you - Hiram Sedai