One Flew Over the PENG CHALLENGE Thread

[Patchy]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by PondScum:

Dear Donkey - may I call you Ass for short? Dear Ass,

Thankyou, I would appreciate the loan of your favorite red crayon - yes, that one, the one with OGSF's toothmarks on it, at the bottom of your toybox. Since the sum total of your tactical acumen appears to be "walking in circles in a field", I'll just mark it on the map with a big red X and go back to drifting gently atop the cess. Language difficulties, don't you know. Goddam conscript French FO's can't understand "up 100 and fire for effect" to save their own lives. In fact, they can't even understand "STOP DROPPING SHELLS ON OUR OWN LINES YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN" to save my life. But big red crayon marks on maps, those they understand. Expect a little... disturbance... to your thistles shortly.

PS I think Hiram, Eeyore of the MBT is looking for you. Something about trademark violation.<hr></blockquote>

PondScum, I won't stand for this kind of brutal treatment to a poor defenseless creature. He just circles around in his paddock all day munching on thistle (ouch) and doesn't bother anyone. Using him for target practice is completely inhumane...now gelding him, well, that is humane... it keeps him out of trouble.

Persephone

[imported_Wildman]

Sledge if you weren't an SSN I'd let you know I have NO idea what your talking about. That's right NO idea.

Crazy newbie nobs, where to they get these ideas and who left the door open? They're all over the place these days.

[Sledge59]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Wildman:

Sledge if you weren't an SSN I'd let you know I have NO idea what your talking about. That's right NO idea.

<hr></blockquote>

You're absolutely right, Wildman. By the way, you may want to edit again. Let me explain: your is a possessive pronoun; you're is a contraction of you are. Get it straight, man! People read this stuff.

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

It would appear that I was wrong. Enjoy this moment Joe Shaw. The challenge was issued without a taunting and therefore cannot be construed as a true challenge. I have been the victim of such a challenge by Bauhaus. I still await the required taunting from this dimwitted personage.

Joe, I apolo...AAAARGH

I'm sorr....ARRRGH

What I mean to say is...I am.. Oh, God our help in ages past, our hope for years to come. Our fortress midst the stormy blast and our eternal home<hr></blockquote>

See what you fail to understand Hiram is that this was not a challenge. It was a simple statement as to what was going to happen to Joe. So you could call it a promise or threat. So that being said, there was no need to taunt, it was not a challenge. Idgit!

So Hiram, until you quit blowing smoke up my ass, I fail to believe that you've truly quit smoking. Now, leave me alone.

[Boo Radley]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Wildman:

Crazy newbie nobs, where to they get these ideas and who left the door open? They're all over the place these days.<hr></blockquote>

Don't blame us. You're the ones who continue to leave the pet door unlatched.

[imported_Wildman]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Sledge59:

You're absolutely right, Wildman Squeek, Squeeek.<hr></blockquote>

I'm glad to see that you have some ability to recognize greatness when you see it. However, you've one flaw in your hypothesis.

I don't give a flaming rat's ass on what the reader thinks. I believe that specifically means

YOU!

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by bauhaus:

See what you fail to understand Hiram is that this was not a challenge. It was a simple statement as to what was going to happen to Joe. So you could call it a promise or threat. So that being said, there was no need to taunt, it was not a challenge. Idgit!

So Hiram, until you quit blowing smoke up my ass, I fail to believe that you've truly quit smoking. Now, leave me alone.<hr></blockquote>

Dude, don't cry. I'll leave you alone now. Yeesh.

[Goanna]

bauhaus, send me a turn you simpleton wuss, or I will make you cry. Then, go kick Moriarty's desk to wake his sorry ass up so he can send a turn. Finally, make your way round to the technogeek hole that Berli shacks up in and take away his smogs until he sends a turn too.

Don't make me come over there....again.

[Marlow]

Not so fast WildBoy, before your quick little edit thingy, I saw your PUI (Posting While Intoxicated):

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted (before the discovery of his monumental screw-up by Wildman:

Kditty,

I just bought a X45 and it is very nice. If you have XP it works. I also could never buy the Cougar. I would say buy it if your after a good stick and throttle combo.

As for the throttle axis, I'm not sure. You may be able to program it as a banded region, but with so many other buttons to program it would be easy and more intuitive to use one of them.

Wildman<hr></blockquote>

Now, you are either trying to subvert the MBT with Groggly Flight Sim postings, or you want Kitty to beat you with a good stick and throttle you. Either way, we will not stand for it. Jo Xia, do your duty as Justacar, and dispatch this unworthy one on the field of battle.

[Sledge59]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Wildman:

I'm glad to see that you have the ability to recognize an idjit when you see one. Your hypothesis is sound.

I don't give a flaming rat's ass on what the reader thinks. I believe that specifically means

YOU!<hr></blockquote>

I pose to you a question, Mister: If you don't care what the reader thinks, why do you post at all?

[Yeknodathon]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Let us suppose, for the moment, that I would accept your CLEARLY unacceptable challenge and your use of a "default" second (I can readily see why you'd resort to such a subterfuge ... it must be difficult finding anyone who would act for you ... perhaps an offer of cash for their assistance might help).

The Byte Battle to which you refer ... WHICH Byte Battle is it? Because you see I've played MOST of them and the battle would, therefore, be unfair as it would not be a double blind battle in which both sides were unaware of the particulars.

Furthermore, how am I to know that YOU have not "peeked" at the battle prior to commencement? I know, for example, that you are not only Air Force but worse ... that you live in North Dakota! Need I say more about your inherent trustworthiness ... I didn't think so.

The value of the Code Duello, in this situation, is that it allows GENTLEMEN to do battle with some assurance that HONOR will be maintained. I'm afraid I simply must insist on the proper forms being adhered to.

Joe<hr></blockquote>

Dear Justaundercarriage

... I'm so excited I think my bowels have let go

Chocks away

Yeknod

[ 01-23-2002: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]</p>

[imported_Wildman]

Actually if I was talking about Dame Kitty beating me with a stick and throttle it would be appropo, but to call on Bold Sir Joe my ex and certainly least liege? Heinous foul.

After I'm done dying in this QB we shall meet again. Jackson's at 50 paces, Oh, that's right. You don't like Jackson's anymore, do you?

I still deny any wrong doing however, your obviously trying to frame me. You must be a liberal in the Green party, yup, that's what it is alright.

Ballpeen,

I'd give you an answer, but I just don't pity you that much yet.

[Joe Shaw]

Sir Wildman, I find your words to me offensive in the extreme and I'll have you know, Sir, that my HONOR has been impugned AND impinged upon at the same time and together as well.

This is not to be tolerated and I demand satisfaction upon the field of honor. I shall ask my former Squire, the noble Sir Lars to act for me in this matter. Name your second, Sir, that the affair may commence and HONOR shall be restored.

As my final communication directly with you before the commencment of our Affair of Honor, allow me to say that you are a dog Sir, and not just any dog but a mangy, smelly, diseased dog slinking from alley to alley in a desperate and ultimately futile search for food, companionship and approval. You are kicked, beaten and forced to retreat with tail between legs at every turn amidst your whelps of terror and supplication ... I envision the same result in our game.

Joe

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Goanna:

bauhaus, send me a turn you simpleton wuss, or I will make you cry. Then, go kick Moriarty's desk to wake his sorry ass up so he can send a turn. Finally, make your way round to the technogeek hole that Berli shacks up in and take away his smogs until he sends a turn too.

Don't make me come over there....again.<hr></blockquote>

Hiram, it wasn't a cry. It was more like a whine. Here we go splitting apples and oranges again. Maybe you should start smoking again just to take the edge off. Awfully tense, aren't we?

Goanna you have your turn, get it back to me. What are you waiting on. As for Moriarty, I have no turn from the useless git either. Can't kick him if I can't find him.

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Marlow:

you want Kitty to beat you with a good stick and throttle you<hr></blockquote>

*puts hand up

Me!! Me!!!! Me!!!!!

I've been bad and need a good flogging!

MeeEEEEEEeeeee!

Mace

PS Have you ever seen such sycophant behaviour?

[Terence]

To those of you not too piss drunk or flat-line stupid to grasp the concept of time, greetings.

To those of you who are gaping with confusion at that, I can only suggest that you follow your own advice and SOD OFF.

*ahem*

Many many turgid, wretched, dreary weeks ago, I posted here in the Peng mess, in the hopes of some entertainment and a PBEM or two.

Well, the standards were as low then as they are now, which means that the entertainment value of the responses to my brilliantly-worded challenges were, roughly speaking, equal to a dose of clap.

I did, however get a couple games for my trouble. In a horrifically misguided attempt to punish me, the Noble Knigget of the CessPule, Agua Perdido dug up a miserable scenario by that degenerate turd fondler, Panty Eater.

Execrable, miserable, awful, vile, baneful, baleful injurious, deleterious, detrimental, noxious, pernicious. Take your pick of the adjectives. Hell, take em all. It's a dog. Even though it offers the potential for massive slaughter, the slog to get there is not worth it.

To shorten a sordid and unsettling tale -- it involved shrieks of outrage on both sides and the most horrific reinforcement placement ever witnessed by human eyes -- I have, in a humanitarian gesture, surrendured this scenario after months of sporadic play. Auga Perdido wins.

I have done this to spare myself and my worthy opponent more months of tedium and misery. For this I belive that choirs of angels will soon proclaim me A Good Guy.

[Stuka]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Terence:

Execrable, miserable, awful, vile, baneful, baleful injurious, deleterious, detrimental, noxious, pernicious.

<hr></blockquote>

I think someones mummy got them a thesaurus for their birthday.

[imported_Wildman]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Sir Wildman, I find your words to me offensive in the extreme and I'll have you know, Sir, that my HONOR has been impugned AND impinged upon at the same time and together as well.

This is not to be tolerated and I demand satisfaction upon the field of honor. I shall ask my former Squire, the noble Sir Lars to act for me in this matter. Name your second, Sir, that the affair may commence and HONOR shall be restored.

Snipped as unwarrented drivel...

Joe<hr></blockquote>

Have your despised and delapidated second send it to my former liege Sir Marlow. Whiel I have serious doubts about his tactical ability, I implicitly trust his honor.

Sir Joe, I greatly anticipate your upcomming enviseration by my troops. Inform your second that a resonable amount of pointage would be wonderful, as I want to limit my actual emails with you as much as possible.

I wait with baited breath for your first email where you drop into Rules Lawyer Mode.

Here's to you having copious amounts of Die-a-Lot now.

[Croda]

Hiram, I realize that you need a placebo of sorts to carry you through those shaky times when you really want to suck on something; letting it's contents fill your mouth and ultimately your soul; feeling the turgid rod dangling precariously between your lips; straightening out as you deftly maneuver it with mouth and fingers; draining the very life of it until it is but a fraction of its former self.

Well here's an alternative to smoking (yes smoking you perverts):

Play Combat Mission: Beyond Overlord. A fantastic game of grit and strategy. You can even play against an adversary by TCP/IP of email.

Oh?

You've heard of it?

Then SEND A FECKING TURN!!!

[imported_Wildman]

Nothing to see here

[ 01-23-2002: Message edited by: Wildman ]</p>

[Agua Perdido]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Terence:

[Panzer Leader is a great sodding pillock. His Guns of Navarone scenario is actually worse than Crodaburg, in spite of being only one-third the size. I have cravenly surrendered to save the noble Agua Perdido from further annoyance, as he is my better in all things.]<hr></blockquote>

Well said, Terence (I had to paraphrase a bit, of course, but we all know what you meant). Yes, it is true fellow Cesspudlians: Panzer Leader is a great, flaming Pillock!

While the scenario seemed like a good idea on paper (at least on that paper with the pictures of Mickey Mouse on it that makes your Mods look ultra-high-res and kind of melty when you lick it (down, Bauhauas)), it features bridges one can not drive across, reinforcements placed in areas where they can not advance to the line of battle, and an utterly gamey uber-tactic for the defender that guarantees a win (which I helped myself to, thank you very much). Mind you, none of those things would be particularly objectionable in a Cesspool map if he'd intended them on purpose.

It has come to this: I am actually going to use some historical, ungamey, thoroughly-playtested tripe by Andreas for my next battle (preening and arrogant fathead though he is, and not in a good way like Nero or the Unabomber). mensch, you should put a link to GoN on Der Kessel to make people appreciate the scenarios there even more (you psychotic wanker).

Joe, I'll put it simply (as you are a simple man): no stenographer, no turn.

To my other assorted opponents: Bah! Feh!

I hate you all.

Agua Perdido

[Edited. Yes, edited. Now, go die.]

[ 01-23-2002: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]</p>

[Yeknodathon]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by PondScum:

Dear Donkey - may I call you Ass for short? Dear Ass,

Thankyou, I would appreciate the loan of your favorite red crayon - yes, that one, the one with OGSF's toothmarks on it, at the bottom of your toybox. Since the sum total of your tactical acumen appears to be "walking in circles in a field", I'll just mark it on the map with a big red X and go back to drifting gently atop the cess. Language difficulties, don't you know. Goddam conscript French FO's can't understand "up 100 and fire for effect" to save their own lives. In fact, they can't even understand "STOP DROPPING SHELLS ON OUR OWN LINES YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN" to save my life. But big red crayon marks on maps, those they understand. Expect a little... disturbance... to your thistles shortly.<hr></blockquote>

(stops to think slowly)

PondDuck...

(gives up thinking)

PondDuck...

(tail twitches with growing feeling of complete futility)

PondDuck... its not a Nobbit, though it sounds like a Nobbit... and the bloated, gorged carcass has a sort of detestable innocence...

(thinks some more)

... do you MOVE a lot? I HATE things that MOVE a lot and you look like the sort that wants to MOVE, in fact me HATRED of little things that scurrry and scamper and MOVE, and then MOVE some more... yer a loathesome, MOVING thing and extinguishing yer loathesome MOVING existence could keep me awake, though I doubt it.... send a setup PondDuck, computer chooses Yeknod as Ameris 'cause they won and I like to seem them HIDING and LOSING and I want to see you MOVING around to find them so that I can HATE YOU MORE.

Pathetic, theres nothing so pathetic as a moving thing, especially a moving Duck.

Yeknod

[ 01-24-2002: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]</p>

[Yeknodathon]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by OGSF:

Wha a marvelous squire Ah have. Joe Ah'd play ye boot Ah cannae shut-oop long enough Shaw may ha' raised three rancid squires, but tha's dawdlin' pillock o' mine as a refreshin' breath o' stale air.

Sae YuckyThuddadump, ye weepin' scab, arrrre ye smackin' tha lolly-gobble-bliss-bombs oot o' them filthy opponaints o' yours? Are ye cuttin' a swathe o' misery thru their varicose legions? Are ye dwin ye ol' Leige prood?

Waill, are ye?

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy<hr></blockquote>

Leige, nothing of importance... nothing, absolutely bleedin nothing... oh, no, me liege, I forgot (how could I?)... received a turn from Elvis... mind you, me liege, any hope of raised spirits drowned with receipt of yet another, sorry second, file named Elvis_v_Yeknod_Setup... oh, yes, liege, Gates-slut seems to have formed an attachment to one building and then proceeds to fall over... liege this is almost too dire to bare.... your tranquilizers, me liege?

Yeknod

[ 01-23-2002: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]</p>

[Lars]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

This is not to be tolerated and I demand satisfaction upon the field of honor. I shall ask my former Squire, the noble Sir Lars to act for me in this matter. Name your second, Sir, that the affair may commence and HONOR shall be restored.<hr></blockquote>

The setup as been sent to Sir Marlow, my erstwhile Liege.

Good Luck.

{not that you'll need any}

[ 01-23-2002: Message edited by: Lars ]</p>

[Lawyer]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Persephone:

Lawyer, you are a WHINER! The logo is in the Justicar's mailbox...and he will hold onto it until I have receive your certified check in the amount of $5,000. (Did you really think I would do this for free? You penny pinching pillock!)

Persephone<hr></blockquote>

So NOW the Lady Persephone, formerly know as Plain ole Patch chooses to mess with The Law. Well, your fancy name upgrade won't spare you from Justice at the Hands of the Law.

You change the deal from returning JoeBlow to getting real money?? BAH!! A pox on you (and the hubby too).

You pushed me. Now you get --

IL-2 Sturmovik WWII Flight Sim, voted best of 2001

Want more?? No? Then, deliver the goods per the original deal...

Never. Never EVER mess with the Law.

[ 01-23-2002: Message edited by: Lawyer ]</p>