One Flew Over the PENG CHALLENGE Thread

[Lawyer]

Justicar Play Slot For Sale

Well now, it seems that some esteemed (or not) persons of the Pool are clamoring for "play time" with the hard-to-nail-down Justicar Himself, the Right Honorable Joe Shaw of U-Taw.

This is your lucky day! Guess what? The Lawyer has in his possession an ACTUAL CM GAME CHALLENGE from Mr. Shaw. Who wants to buy it??

Yes, it's a VERY RARE specimen, authenticated by Hisself. A slot to play the ManJoe. I procured the slot fair and square by taunting him relentlessly for two years. AND NOW I OFFER IT FOR SALE TO YOU.

This is a rare chance to play BlowJoe. Just like that chance you had in high school to go out with Susie the Cheerleader, after she was dumped by all the football players who got "too much of a good thing".

Yes, much sought after and thrilling to conjure up in your little excitable mind, but really a huge let-down when you actually got a chance to get "there" after half the guys in the senior class had scored. Knum sayin'?

You will say to yourself today, as you said to yourself then: "Is this all there is?" Where's the excitement?

But still there is always the (very) slight challenge that you can't make Susie, or even Joe, even though several have preceded you. Then there is THE FEAR. What if I can't do what they already did??

So, I offer to you a slot to go after the Justicar in a real game. A chance to test yourself to see if you are GOOD ENOUGH!!

I earned the slot through hard work, and I can sell it now that I realize Susie didn't love me after all. (And I don't want to wonder again what those funny looking spots are on Mr. Happy).

What bids do I hear, Lads, for the exclusive right that I earned to PLAY Joe Shaw in a real game of CM? This is Your Chance to Lance the Gassbag once and for all??

OGSF? Dalem? Hiram? Others? Get those bids in quickly, GentleJackals. They will go fast.

[ 01-23-2002: Message edited by: Lawyer ]</p>

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lawyer:

So NOW the Lady Persephone chooses to mess with The Law. You pushed me. Never EVER mess with the Law.<hr></blockquote>

Quite right... never mess with the law... its messed up enough on its own... its what ya get when you let lawyers handle anything

Oh, and in case I forget...

SOD OFF!

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lawyer:

Joe Shaw. Who wants to buy it?? BlowJoe is like Susie the Cheerleader. I offer to you the Justicar!

What bids do I hear for Joe Shaw? Get those bids in quickly. They will go fast.<hr></blockquote>

What, you are his pimp now?

[Hanns]

Well, I probably stepped in it this time. I'd say nice knowing you sacks of regurgitated incestuous flaming arse bandits but truth be told I'd rather have a case of weeping Croda sores on my bum than say somefink like that. The Mad Bald One will be crushing me like the acne oilwells you gits call faces for remarks on another thread. Goodbye drool world! To sleep, perchance to dream of CM:BB...........

Hanns

[Croda]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Terence:

[Panzer Leader is a great sodding pillock. His Guns of Navarone scenario is actually worse than Crodaburg, in spite of being only one-third the size. I have cravenly surrendered to save the noble Agua Perdido from further annoyance, as he is my better in all things.]<hr></blockquote>

Now Terence, have you actually played Crodaburg? If not, I ask that you not disparage it until you've had the opportunity to suffer it first hand. Shall I send it along, or will it damage your sensitive parts?

[Panzer Leader]

Do I detect a bit of friendly criticism with my opus "Guns of Navarone?" I might agree with some of what you said, but... deleterious?!?! Actually, now that I've looked it up, that mnight be the best adjective of all...

Anyhooo, I will not bother to defend myself or my scenario. It was a fantasy-gone-awry, but I still think it's pretty fun. Don't even think of mentioning it to those prigs at Der Kessel as they take no greater delight than in showing us lower forms of life that we are best "just not bothering with scenario design."

But seriously, I think you are right about the one "good" bridge having some elevation issues that I was unaware of. As for re-inforcements, what was the problem, I would really like to know. I had a lot of fun creating it, and though it might have had problems, it wasn't THAT skewed towards the defender's victory.

Was it?

By the way, Agua the little bridge-blowing trick was pretty cool, no?*

*Not that complex system dreamed up in an opium den by soome outerboarder but a simple and elegant solution using three rounds of the biggest arty you can buy and a well placed TRP.

[ 01-23-2002: Message edited by: Panzer Leader ]</p>

[dalem]

All right, boys and gals that oughtta know better, d'ya know what we're going to talk about tonight? You guessed it: Flamethrowers. That's right, FLAMETHROWERS.

Now some of you are tugging your forelocks and scratching right above your unibrows and thinking "But what's the big deal about flamethrowers, dalem?"

Good question! I'll turn it right back around at you and ask the stinking, fetid mass of you. Can anyone here tell me anything about flamethrowers? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone? Ahh yes... Go right ahead son, don't be shy.

Speedbump (slowly): "They, uhh, they throw stuff?"

Excellent! They do indeed, 'throw stuff'. Now, can anyone else tell me what exactly they might throw? Anyo-

Berli: "FLAME."

Uh, of course you would get that part right. Didn't have to demonstrate on the poor donkey I should think, but now, um, oh dear. Yes, roll him in the muck boys, I'm sure he'll be fine! At least it gives something for Lorak to breathe in. Anyway, we have clearly established that flamethrowers do, indeed, throw flame. Now the next part is a little tricky; can anyone tell me why they should be throwing flame around?

Croda (capers): "To burn things! Burn 'em! Burn it allllll up!!!"

R-i-i-i-ght. And what might you want to burn?

MrSpkr: "My parking tickets-"

Joe Shaw: "My birth certificate that shows my real age-"

Lawyer: "My Guatemalan Law license-"

Pawbroon: "An omelette du-"

OGSF: "BRfsaflhafygggrrhhjffdfffttt!!!"

Berli (grumpily): "Well, everyone really has it coming, don't see the point in delay-"

Pondscum: "Bad people!"

Excellent, my boy, excellent! We do, indeed, generally want to burn bad people and the things they rode in on. Now that we've settled that, let's talk about how we might go about this. Would a device that allowed us to throw flame at bad people be a small device? No? Well, could it be carried on one's back? Maybe? If it could be carried on one's back, do we think it might be.... might be....?

seanachai: "Heavy?"

Yes! It would be heavy! And bulky! Does anyone know how bulky?

Slapdragon: "Well, the moment arm can be easily found if you just realize that-"

Right! Right. 'Very bulky.' And not only bulky, but filled with flammable goo under high pressure. So pretty hard to use one's Ninja powers when lugging one of these bad boys around a shrapnel- and bullet-infested battlefield, huh? And risky! I'd bet something like that would be... would be...

Persephone: "Worth a lot of points for its potential offensive ability, yet extremely vulnerable on an active battlefield?"

Well said! Well said. Well, that pretty much sums it all up, except I forgot to mention how many forum threads you would need to discuss our friend the flamethrower. Anyone...? Anyone....?

Okay...the answer is... TWO! A full friggin' locked down thread and another one yet festers! So let's keep going here and think of something else to say about-- ouch! Ow!

All: (throwing feces, muck, sitcom script treatments, small rodents) "BOOOO! BOOOOO! BOoooooo......!!"

[ 01-23-2002: Message edited by: dalem ]</p>

[Goanna]

Oh contraire, my little earless mongrel. I believe that the current self indulgent wank on the purveyors of jellied gasoline is the 5th such thread I have seen on the bbs.

And just for the record, I do believe it would be the moment of inertia and not the moment arm that you would want to know when measuring encumberance of said device.

[Lars]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hanns:

Well, I probably stepped in it this time. I'd say nice knowing you sacks of regurgitated incestuous flaming arse bandits but truth be told I'd rather have a case of weeping Croda sores on my bum than say somefink like that. The Mad Bald One will be crushing me like the acne oilwells you gits call faces for remarks on another thread. Goodbye drool world! To sleep, perchance to dream of CM:BB...........

Hanns<hr></blockquote>

Jeez, a Knigget steps out for a drink and look what happens.

What the heck did you do Hanns? Post a link or somefink.

Squires these days, why in my day...{grumble, grumble}

And remember, abject groveling will get you everywhere.

***BOOT***

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hanns:

Well, I probably stepped in it this time. I'd say nice knowing you sacks of regurgitated incestuous flaming arse bandits but truth be told I'd rather have a case of weeping Croda sores on my bum than say somefink like that. The Mad Bald One will be crushing me like the acne oilwells you gits call faces for remarks on another thread. Goodbye drool world! To sleep, perchance to dream of CM:BB...........

Hanns<hr></blockquote>

Christ on a crutch! Post a bleedin' link ya pillock

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hanns:

The Mad Bald One will be crushing me like the acne oilwells you gits call faces for remarks on another thread<hr></blockquote>

Hannsel, or should I say twit. I seriously doubt you will get stepped on for THIS lame attempt at a dig. I've seen Seanachai push the limits further than that... and as you well know, he's kind of [shudder]nice[/shudder]

[Lars]

Hanns,

In the future you shall stay away from all such grog porn threads.

***BOOT***

Now send a turn, dangit.

[Hanns]

Bwahahaha!!! Fire ant mound and a stick anyone?? Watch them scuttle forth with their insignificant indignity and bravely assault the focus of their ire. Just stirring the Cess a bit and hoping the SSN chunky bits float back from whence they came. At least I'm not Elvis..........

[CMplayer]

Hannsel! I know you're awake. Get thine posterior off this forum, thine face out from between Gretel's whatevers and return to our current bataille. The antics of your troops amuse me.

[Yeknodathon]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by CMplayer:

Hannsel! I know you're awake. Get thine posterior off this forum, thine face out from between Gretel's whatevers and return to our current bataille. The antics of your troops amuse me.<hr></blockquote>

... please ketchup with 'im Heinz

Yeknod

[Bastables]

Dink Mace and fink OGSF, Bastables has now crossed over to all singing all dancing ADSL!

P33hr mY l33t h0xr sK1ll.

Re send your worthless turns to the address below!

krisalys@paradise.net.nz

Offer only valid during Bastables lifetime.

[Noba]

Dear Thistlesucker. Now that it established the

the Haggiss Head is your sponsor - I think it is worth your while to lift yourself out of your imagined depression and DO Somefink !

How about getting some action? Some direction in your life ? Something worthwhile doing...like pulling your head out of your anus and sending a setup !

The local Vet can give you a rectal exam if you like to see how far it is stuck. I'm sure if he/she isn't available, there would be enough "animal lovers" in the 'pool to help you out.

Noba.

[Agua Perdido]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

"just not bothering with scenario design."<hr></blockquote>

Well, you certainly didn't seem to with this one...

...

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>it wasn't THAT skewed towards the defender's victory.

Was it?<hr></blockquote>

Considering the defender could easily channel the attackers into the one large bridge/reverse-slope-defendable fords (under the watchful eyes of the pillboxes) by dropping the center one with mortar fire (and the other one with tank fire after feckin' VT arty killed the FO), AND the attacker reinforcements featured a rhymes-with-humbo-76 and a rhymes-with-German-76 (to preserve FOW) placed on IMPASSABLE GROUND (specfically, a craggy patch next to the road)... All I had to do was press GO and watch the pretty 'splosions (well, and track movement paths exactly along the leftmost edge of that bridge in the rear, or else vehicles would hang up on the cliff at the bridge/road transition).

But other than that, it was a smashing scenario. Smashing. Like Crodaburg, only less playable in the long term. You complete and utter pillock.

Agua Perdido

[Guest PondScum]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

(tail twitches with growing feeling of complete futility)

<hr></blockquote>

Now you're getting it, laddy.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>

yer a loathesome, MOVING thing and extinguishing yer loathesome MOVING existence could keep me awake, though I doubt it.... send a setup PondDuck, computer chooses Yeknod as Ameris 'cause they won and I like to seem them HIDING and LOSING and I want to see you MOVING around to find them so that I can HATE YOU MORE.

<hr></blockquote>

I shall meet you in Sollies-Ville. It's a little Berlian monstrosity which I think you'll grow to hate. Note especially the "both sides must target their FO on one of their TRPs every turn" rule. Wouldn't want to leave any of those buildings standing, would we? I'll race you to your paddock in the middle of town. Watch out for craters.

I am, of course, on the side of the garlic-chewers in this little stretch of hell. You shall take the forces of Prussian efficiency - don't worry, I'm sure you can make them HIDE and LOSE just as badly as the merkuns.

PS Scunthorpe? No wonder you're depressed.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Persephone:

PondScum, I won't stand for this kind of brutal treatment to a poor defenseless creature.

<hr></blockquote>

No bolding! No bolding! Dear lord, that would make me a (shudder) knigget. Has your mastery of The Evil One taught you nothing?

[Terence]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Croda:

Now Terence, have you actually played Crodaburg? If not, I ask that you not disparage it until you've had the opportunity to suffer it first hand. Shall I send it along, or will it damage your sensitive parts?<hr></blockquote>

Send it along? No.

Instead, why don't you take Crodaburg, crumple it into a large, solid, and jagged bolus and cram it.

If you try really really hard, though you may be able to send something else.

[Patchy]

Chrisl (or is it still Wussl),

I am presenting you with my own challenge for the name of Peng.

You are to send me your photograph which I shall promptly desecrate. I will then present it to the members of the Cesspool. If they decide that I have succeeded in humiliating you, I shall win the name of Peng and shall promptly return it to its rightful owner.

If you do not comply to my challenge, you will retain the name of Wussl and will forfeit the name of Peng.

Persephone

[Lars]

Justicar,

“Real Life” unfortunately impinges upon my abilities to act as your second. Sir Marlow has graciously sent a few scenarios for perusal. If the setup I sent does not meet with your approval, please advise and I shall select one of Marlow’s. However, due to the constraints upon my time, it may not make it’s way to you until after the weekend.

Your loyal Court Bailiff,

Lars

[Croda]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Terence:

Send it along? No.

Instead, why don't you take Crodaburg, crumple it into a large, solid, and jagged bolus and cram it.

If you try really really hard, though you may be able to send something else.<hr></blockquote>

Crodaburg it is!

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by PondScum:

No bolding! No bolding! Dear lord, that would make me a (shudder) knigget. Has your mastery of The Evil One taught you nothing?<hr></blockquote>

BOLDING, or not bolding as or Lord Justicar has stated, is up to the individual. It is traditional to bold the names of Knights, Olde Ones, Officials (who are not always knights) and, of course, the Ladies (Chivalrous bunch are we not). There is, in fact, no rule anywhere disallowing bolding for squires or even <font size="-1">ssn's</font> (though in the case of <font size="-1">ssn's</font> it is frowned upon). Perhaps, if you are [retch]good[/retch], Uncle Peng will grace you with a short essay on proper bolding, Italicizing, (parethetic statements [or even bracketed statements {or was it the other brackets?}]), asides and asorted other tricks of the trade. He has in the past written a valuable essay on what to do with (this smilie could not appear today as it was run over by a truck).

I will now return you to the patented Berli one line posts

Sod off

[Lars]

Game Updates:

The following festering piles of fish guts need to send a turn!

Iskander: No files, finish the bottle and hit “GO” will you, the ice in my drink is melting.

Agua: No files. Has the time to waste himself on one of Panzer Leader’s scenarios, however. Knowing the pain that must have caused almost makes up for the wait.

MrSpkr: No files. Hopefully he’s been put under a gag order, incarcerated in Gitmo, flown from a flag pole, and has Brian for legal counsel.

Noba: No files. Must still be upset about the loss of his AT gun. Has decided to pester animals instead.

Now for the piles of dog vomit who actually play.

Berli: We have traded halftracks for Stuarts. If he would lash his Legions of the Damned forward faster, the fun could really begin.

OGSF: Edge hugger. Need I say more?

Hanns: Threatens the use of “rickets”. You would think that a bouncer in a S & M bar knows about hugging the belt.

AussieJeff: Has a strange prediliction for blowing up buildings. I suspect he was abused as a child and as a adult. Rightly so, I might add. His gamey buy of “Brits trying to be French by wearing Red Berets” are either fleeing in terror at the sight of my Ubertruppen or in horror at the incompetent way they are led, I haven’t decided which yet.