Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Agua Perdido is presumably still working in a windowless cubicle in Hawaii ... right.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh, no, I'm back now. Turns for all tonight. At least, turns for all I'm playing. Well, turns for all I'm playing that I feel like answering. Okay, turns for all I'm playing that I feel like answering and whose turns I already finished while on the plane back from the Islands--

The hell with it, turns for no one. Well, turns for no one I'm playing. That is, no turns from me for anyone I'm playing--

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OGSF:

(Ye knoo, sumteems Ah read tha ****e Ah type an' cannae fer tha leef o' mae understand wha Ah jus' saed).<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Okay, I'd send a turn to OGSF, but I'm not playing him. Hell, maybe I'll send him Goanna's turn (the only one I've returned since returning, and the ungrateful git complained it wasn't zipped).

What time zone is it?

Agua Perdido

[dalem]

Am I the only one that gets bugged about comments like "we all know the stock CM graphics sucked" or "the fires are terrible" or "I puked when I saw the original trees"?

Opinions are fine, but such indiscriminate and stark criticism seems really insulting to the folks (mainly Kwazydog, right?) who busted ass to give us the game graphics in the first place.

Maybe I'm just overly pissy today.

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Maybe I'm just overly pissy today.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Why don't you work off some of that repressed anger, and send me one of Der Kessel's microbattles my way. I promise to play using stock graphics.

[Iskander]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Marlow:

... I promise to play using stock graphics.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And be sure to use your "stock tactics", too; that way even the Earless One can finish you off in two or three turns... snicker, snort

[Juardis]

Anybody take a gander at Peng Downs, a scenario created by Clubfoot? (see the outerboards). That is one sweet looking map. Kind of ritzy though for the cesspool. In fact, the pools there look, dare I say, Clean. Not CESSY at all. Still, it is kinda quaint, and the historic places seem in touch with the cesspool tradition (not that I, a mere pissboy, would know of the tradition here, so I don't wish to pretend that I do...but I will anyway because I can).

Anyway, shouldn't this scenario be reserved for some kind of special cesspool battle (presuming any battles in here are special)?

[Mark IV]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Am I the only one that gets bugged about comments like "we all know the stock CM graphics sucked" or "the fires are terrible" or "I puked when I saw the original trees"?

Opinions are fine, but such indiscriminate and stark criticism seems really insulting to the folks (mainly Kwazydog, right?) who busted ass to give us the game graphics in the first place.

Maybe I'm just overly pissy today.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

dalem, you are a shameless, sycophantic, CM slut. "I think the stock graphics are great, but if they come out with new ones I'll buy a new machine for them." OMG. Bow low to this wretched low-tech game, then just kneel to the Upgrade Goddess like a good little acolyte and hand over your pitiful offering of thousand-dollar bills?

You're exactly the sort of swine that has been holding back development of CM, while at the same time causing the real grogs with their Etch-a-sketches to be left in the dust. The trumpet has sounded, and you have failed to muster! No wonder your dog has no ears. Read the Board and Obey! We must see every corpuscle of blasted flesh and we'll buy the math co-processors to run 'em!

[Iskander]

leaning on the bar in Schloss Peng, Iskander chats with Seanachai about recent events...

I: Well, what surprised me was that while he kept claiming that his hard drive was busted, his someone from his email address in London kept sending me rather pornographic pictures of some young woman...

S: Really! Did you save any?

I: ... named "mich." What? No, the Father Confessor came -- no, Bauhaus, you are not in this conversation, go sit down... way over there -- and took them for himself. Muttered something about "the Comfy Chair."

S: Selfish, that's what he is. After all, he has the same sub-creational abilities as The Evil One and I, but he's usually too looped to remember that. I recall the time...

suddenly swooping down from the cobwebbed rafters, clad only in his PengThreads underware, stevetherat swings towards the two, just between them -- knocking over their drinks -- warbling what sounds like "eieieiEIEIEIeieieieiEIEIEIEI!!!!"

and then up and out the window on the west wall; a muffled thud is heard as he hits the side of the opposite tower

S: Heavens! What was that?!?

I: I think that was the sound of a pathetic loser renewing a challenge... can I get you another drink?

S: Please! This all reminds me of a time I crushed Mace like an empty Fosters can...

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Well i asked him to prove it but he let out a few dull whimpers, babbled like a Gallah, tuck tailed and ran.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh yes Sickxx, I am AFRAID of you and your ability to taunt with humor and wit. For see you lad, THAT'S the only thing that matters HERE.

IF ... and it's a great IF ... you ever show a spark of the requisite qualities that make me enjoy a game with, say, Mace ... well that and the fact that he has the tactical ability of a sponge, well then ... are pigs flying yet? No? ... hmmmm.

Joe

[Buzzsaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

A lot of Stinking Suck-up Non-Entities have the audacity to poke fun at Little Buddy's name. Have you seen your own asinine nember namews, bub?

...

Buzzsaw.

Whaddya a G.I. Joe action figure?? Gimme a break. Go Joe!

...

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

How dare you! A G.I. Joe action figure! I'll have you know that my screen name is based on a Transformers action figure. I wouldn't expect you to have an 1980's based name, since, at the time, people in Kansas City had never heard of computers and were using an intricate system of rock piles to count dead cows. Furthermore, Heinz Guderian was nincompoop, and I'm happy that my name is based on a cheap plastic toy and not someone who's greatest achievement was sharing his first name with a bottle of ketchup.

[ 08-21-2001: Message edited by: Buzzsaw ]

[bauhaus]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Juardis:

Well slap my head and call me Polish

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

oops-

Lars beat me to the punch.

[ 08-21-2001: Message edited by: bauhaus ]

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Marlow:

Why don't you work off some of that repressed anger, and send me one of Der Kessel's microbattles my way. I promise to play using stock graphics.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You got it, punk! You think I don't have the yarbles to lose to you a third time? When I get home from work I will answer the challenge.

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

You got it, punk! You think I don't have the yarbles to lose to you a third time? When I get home from work I will answer the challenge.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

As much as it pains me to remind you, our first battle was a draw. Me hates you lots.

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

dalem, you are a shameless, sycophantic, CM slut. "I think the stock graphics are great, but if they come out with new ones I'll buy a new machine for them." OMG. Bow low to this wretched low-tech game, then just kneel to the Upgrade Goddess like a good little acolyte and hand over your pitiful offering of thousand-dollar bills?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh, Mark IV, Mark IV - they all warned me about your brain problem, and in fact it was clear even to me, but to see it up close, so brazen, so pitiable... I am moved to tears. If you read my posts in that horribly stupid Outerthread and truly understood them, you would have realized that I was pointing out that I think the stock graphics of CM are wonderful and need no improvement for me personally. I then said that if I needed to upgrade to be able to see CMII's stock graphics, then I would.

Is that helping? Perhaps flash cards or a private tutormay be in order?

But thanks for the "CM slut" comment. At least you know a good thing when you see it.

Cha cha cha!

[stevetherat]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Iskander:

I: I think that was the sound of a thoroughly nice chap renewing a challenge...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You betcha, ya damn Yankee, tabbacca chewin', bog hoppin' aligator food.

This time it's too the death. No more squeezed out draws by jumping the flags while I'm putting the kettle on for a victory brew.

Holy Jesus, even SSNs show more cavalier spirit. And they're desperate!

Make a will, buster, you're leaving.

StR

And where's my credit on the sig? Sheesh! You don't stop at nicking my flannelette flags from behind my back, now it's the utter creativity from my soul. My God, boy, you sure do take every inch!

(SSNs, you may notice above that I have provided an excellent opportunity for you to outshine your rivals. Study the last paragraph in detail and post your witty replies here. The winner will have the honour of an education in battlecraft from your truly.)

[Iskander]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by stevetherat:

... My God, boy, you sure do take every inch!...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

DO NOT confuse me with bauhaus!

And as for "your sig", I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about, but then, I never did. Send it on, Pom.

[CMplayer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Juardis:

In fact, the pools there look, dare I say, Clean. Not CESSY at all. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

After you've been swimming in it I'm

sure it will be plenty cessy. Now

why don't you send me the setup, so

I can drown you in that pool like a

blind puppy.

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Iskander:

And be sure to use your "stock tactics", too; that way even the Earless One can finish you off in two or three turns... snicker, snort<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'll make sure I'm fully modded up when I play our turns, so that I can watch you die in full technicolor glory.

[Juardis]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CMplayer:

After you've been swimming in it I'm

sure it will be plenty cessy. Now

why don't you send me the setup, so

I can drown you in that pool like a

blind puppy.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Dear pansy-leaders Little Buddy, i WOULD be most happy to wipe the field with the toilet paper hanging out the back of your pants, but I have a problem (ok, several problems...in fact, I've seen the Dr. about them and he said...nevermind). My other problems, you see, are that:

1. I assumed that this would be a SPECIAL battle and I feel obligated to point out that there is nothing SPECIAL about a pissboy (that would be ME0 kicking a SSNs sniveling, toad-stool, no-nads, name-calling ass (that would be YOU) in a contest of wit, wills, whiles, and wherefores. I would not dare sully Pengs Down with the likes of us.

z. I am quite busy with 12 other games right now and feel no need to stay up late and play with you. If, however, you can get smedley brewhouse to bring the inflatable sheep, then perhaps I could be persuaded to stay up late and play...but not with you.

And 3. PENGS DOWN IS NOT YET AVAILABLE TO PLAY YOU GIT!!! Go ye to the outerboards and read.

Thank you for not replying.

[Lorak]

Ok, quick tomb update...

Since work is killing me, no time for much else.

Iskander-draw

Steve the rat-draw

Elvis-win

JDmorse-loss

Jd-draw

Seanachai-draw

Aitkin-win

MrSpkr-loss

I believe I got turns out to everyone I owe them too.

Elvis I was waiting on you to send a turn. So just send the last one you have and we will go from there.I would send my last one...but I have no idea which one it is. You see, I play CM on two desktops and a laptop in several diffrent locations. And I am just to lazy to go around and check date stamps on files(since no of them are numbered).

Lorak

[Marlow]

Brave Sir Lorak, it would appear that you missed this anouncement in the false MBT.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sppedy:

Lorak let it be known throughout the MBT that Marlow, first of that name, is in fact an honourary Australian. It is the only possible explanation for his defeating me, and his gamey use of computer selected, massed assault halftracks.

Final tally:

Marlow- 70

Speedy- 30<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

IF ... and it's a great IF ... you ever show a spark of the requisite qualities that make me enjoy a game with, say, Mace ... well that and the fact that he has the tactical ability of a sponge<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Some points:

xxi) You enjoy a game with me? You have now cheapened my experience of the MBG (Mother beautiful Game)!

23) Tactical ability of a sponge? Well at least I can wipe up your mess on the way to the VFs.

Mace

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>xxi) You enjoy a game with me? You have now cheapened my experience of the MBG (Mother beautiful Game)!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Excellent ... the plan continues to come together! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>23) Tactical ability of a sponge? Well at least I can wipe up your mess on the way to the VFs.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Only if you convince your "hardened" veterans (whoa, whoa, WHOA Bauhaus, damn boy sit down) to stop making snow angels or whatever it is they're doing with their time and ATTACK! Sheesh, and they say McClellan was slow.

Joe

[OGSF]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Perhaps I never explained how this works. If you want a file from me, you have to send a file to me. As you mention rockets landing all over the place (an event I have yet to see), it indicates to me that you have yet to send that file.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

An' page two o' tha stankin' PBEM manual wid suggaist tha' after Ah saind tha file tae ye ain 8/17, an' ye didnae realize ye little world ha changed bah tha incremental addition o' wun noo file, tha Ah shud maintion at ain tha MBT. An' yoo thain gwin on aboot ye didnae see at. Tae mae, af'n ye didnae see tha rickets, at's cos ye didnae bother tae look at tha file Ah saint tae ye fourrr, th's reet, FOURRR, days agoo. Ah've saint at agin fer ye. Thus teem, widye noo open an' view at?

At's ainly mah respaict fer an "old wun" tha pauses mah urge tae call ye a "pillock".

Pillock.

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

[Goanna]

I have been far far too busy making a crust of late to read the drivel spewed out by the collection of juvenile miscreants that have seemed to have taken up residence here of late. It's good to see that they are sending Pshaw into a huff, however.

There is always time, however, for a quick ÜberLizard Update!

The demise of another of the knights has been notched into the stock of my MP44. this time it's the elf himself in Tin Tanks. His proved to be far more of the tin construction, although I don't recall many ricochets off mine either when he managed to get in the first shot. By the numbers:

Goanna (axis): 63 cas. (19 KIA), 8 AFVs lost, score 68 tactical win

Lorak (allies): 104 cas. (31 KIA), 13 AFVs lost, score 31 doesn't know what tactical means

Once again the butchery required was so sickening that it was necessary for many of the Germans to take a break in the rear and recover their composure, but the Poles just kept coming over the top of the hill in perfect silhouette. No citations were issued in this action.

I have also just completed (or am near to completion) the dismemberment of a couple of Outerboarders, including a very entertaining throttling of a ladder player who challenged me. I (intentionally) set no conditions and let him pick and ME. Then I let him try on every gamey tactic in the book and laughed. He was rope-a-doped in to dropping all his large arty on a single platoon. Then the SMG, crew and arty spotter rushes were cut to shreds. See, playing members of the pool does have its advantages - you are ready for basically any crap that war can throw at you.

Others who are likely to be on the wrong end of the next update include Pshaw, Berli, Mace and Elvis even though all are likely convinced of their pending victory. Beware the crafty lizard all of you.

[Lars]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Gilligan:

After you've been swimming in it I'm

sure it will be plenty cessy. Now

why don't you send me the setup, so

I can drown you in that pool like a

blind puppy.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Why, Gilligan, do I detect a little spleen in this post? What happened to the jolly fat Swede we were all just beginning to despise? Your lutefisk go bad on you today or what?