Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stixx:

If your an Aussie i'm ashamed to call myself one!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, I'm ashamed for all Aussies, all the time. I know that doesn't really have anything to do with your post, but it is true.

[Stuka]

I'm ashamed for long haired hippies called Dale.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Well, I'm ashamed for all Aussies, all the time. I know that doesn't really have anything to do with your post, but it is true.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now HERE we have a right thinking CessPooler. The insidious influence of Australians upon the CessPool has not been ignored by the office of The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool. Let's examine our findings to date ... we are not done by any means. MrSpkr please display the first slide:

{A slide of water ... well MOSTLY water ... being flushed down a toilet}

Here we see that in the CORRECT, i.e. the NORTHERN Hemisphere, water drains in a Counter-Clockwise, what our British cousins might call an Anti-Clockwise direction. The next slide please MrSpkr:

{Another slide but with the water flushing in the opposite direction}

But in the SOUTHERN Hemisphere, the home of Australia, the water flows in a Clockwise direction. Now can any right thinking person condone ANYTHING that forces us to be further slaves of the clock? Next slide please MrSpkr:

{A slide showing a normal mercator projection map of the world}

It is perfectly obvious to ANYONE with half a brain that the NORTHERN Hemisphere, the CORRECT Hemisphere, is ON TOP, ABOVE, HIGHER while the SOUTHERN Hemispere, the home of Australia is BELOW, UNDERNEATH, LOWER. This is self evident. And the next slide please MrSpkr:

{A slide showing Mace, Stuka, Goanna, Slickxx and the rest of the FLAMING Australians inhabiting the CessPool}

I believe that THIS SLIDE ALONE would allow the CessPool to rest it's case, but MrSpkr and I are confirmed in our opinion that there are not only OTHER Australians in the CessPool, but secret sympathizers to their cause. In fact, next slide MrSpkr:

{A photo of a slim manila file folder, closed, with the legend ... "Australians and Their Sympathizers in the CessPool"}

In fact ... we have the names of a DOZEN SECRET AUSTRALIANS OR THEIR AGENTS.

We shall divulge these names ... in due time. In the meantime, MrSpkr and I are paying attention, oh yes, very close attention, to the posts on this The One The True CessPool. We note with approval the post of Dalem ... we NOTE ... the others.

Sir Joe Shaw, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool

[dalem]

Sir Joe, I heartily approve of your unabashed approval of my own disapproval of the people from the continent that resembles a small yappy dog's head.

Sir Stuka, I have always maintained that the subhuman group known as 'dirtyfilthyhippies' would be best employed as hewers of wood, fetchers of water, and polishers of brightwork, were they to be deemed at all trainable.

Sir Marlow, the setup requested is even now reaching its slimey tendrils of doom toward your email box.

SIR LORAK!! I abase myself and humbly beseech thee to chisel

dalem: Major Victory

chrisl: Loss

in thy pages of Play-Doh. It was a mighty battle, as chrisl's Green Yankee hordes charged orc-like into the stoic defense of my Green German riflemen. My line never wavered, my thoughts never strayed from pure.

I love pure infantry defenses.

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

I love pure infantry defenses.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Probably almost as much as you love the secret PBEM file decoder that lets you upgrade your schrecks to "elite" in a low troop quality scenario.

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by chrisl:

Probably almost as much as you love the secret PBEM file decoder that lets you upgrade your schrecks to "elite" in a low troop quality scenario.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Late- war infantry is always dangerous to armor at close range, German infantry doubly so.

The hacking thing was just to prove I could do it.

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PawBroon:

Bowed over the keyboard, displaying his usual amount of obnoxious penmanship, Senility was about to post again.

The raging Thrust (sit down Bauhaus) of his chubby fingers flooding the MBT with what could have been better summed up with a simple “Where’s Marcel?” by any of us Elders...

Oh boy! Do I miss the little twit…

Marcel, man to man, as a French, do you pluck your eyebrows?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Good Christ. I understood every single word and nuance of this post from beginning to end on the first read through, and I laughed my arse off.

Gentlemen, and our Ladies, either I have 'arrived', or I am moments from death. Either would suffice as an explanation for the phenomena.

Now, I am still getting caught up on the glories of the Peng Challenge Thread, so I shan't post more at this time.

Good to see The French wading through the puddles of most souls to post the first arrival of dawn on the eastern horizon.

What the hell are the rest of you pillocks doing?

By the way, you French lunatic, where's my turn?!

[Stuka]

Joe, Joe, Joe.

You have, as usual , got the details surrounding your manic ramblings totally and utterly wrong.

In short, you have failed.

A failure unrivalled in history save for the developement of British armour, the Valentine springs to mind here.

You have however aimed your venting spleen in the correct general area of the south pacific. Only the country you mean is the smaller, smellier, inbred, 3rd cousin by marriage, distant relation of champion Aussieland.

I am of course refering to Noo Zeeland, a country named after Holland fer chrissakes!

Australia, is a junxtaposition of Australis, a tough as nuts Latin name.

Anyone who has seen 'Gladiator' will know that those latino types were bad ass types not taken with the idea of pussyfooting around.

Now if a country wants to be named after limp wristed, finger sticking in dykes, tulip picking, clog wearing pansies, thats fine.

Just don't confuse them with us OK?, or I'll send the boys 'round to do a job on your knees.

Oh and Dale, get a haircut.

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

[i am of course refering to Noo Zeeland, a country named after Holland fer chrissakes!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sigh - yeat another ignorant Orztrayleeanne flops about the place.

New Zealand (note the spelling, not that you'd ever expect an Aussie to get it right)

is, of course named after part of teh Netherlands - the part that's so tough that even the sea is afraid of it and goes elsewhere!

Australia, on the other hand, is named after a mythical great southern land - which is highly appropriate of course - more especially the mythical bit!

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Joe, Joe, Joe. You have, as usual , got the details surrounding your manic ramblings totally and utterly wrong. In short, you have failed.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And he would be ... MrSpkr do we have a listing for ... we do? Excellent, may I have the file ... hmmmm ... named for an aircraft obsolescent in it's prime, yes, yes, Brisbane, Australia ... hmmm ... well no wonder then ... the ENTIRE cheerleading squad? Really? ... how remarkable ... but the group therapy for the girls was successful? Excellent. Yes, this should do nicely. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>A failure unrivalled in history save for the developement of British armour, the Valentine springs to mind here.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Note for the record, MrSpkr, proof of Groggly Tendencies ... everyone knows the Valentine was ... well, enough of that, GermanBoy might come back. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> You have however aimed your venting spleen in the correct general area of the south pacific. Only the country you mean is the smaller, smellier, inbred, 3rd cousin by marriage, distant relation of champion Aussieland.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh my, MrSpkr sounds like trouble in paradise, what? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I am of course refering to Noo Zeeland, a country named after Holland fer

chrissakes!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Tell me MrSpkr, if it were named for Holland wouldn't it be New Holland? Really, New York's old name, eh, learn something new everyday ... first TRPs and now this. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Australia, is a junxtaposition of Australis, a tough as nuts Latin name. Anyone who has seen 'Gladiator' will know that those latino types were bad ass types not taken with the idea of pussyfooting around.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Any clue at ALL, MrSpkr ... no? No, I can't make heads or tails of it either, drugs do you think? Well I suppose that ENOUGH beer might. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Now if a country wants to be named after limp wristed, finger sticking in dykes, tulip picking, clog wearing pansies, thats fine. Just don't confuse them with us OK?, or I'll send the boys 'round to do a job on your knees.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Hmmm, seems to be ignoring the OBVIOUS connection doesn't he MrSpkr ... after all they wouldn't call them OZZIES if it didn't have SOMETHING to do with mythical kingdoms with cowardly lions, strawmen who prance and heartless ironmongers eh? No, hehehe, nor the flying monkeys or emerald slippers, ah me. That WOULD be a horse of a different color, what?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Oh and Dale, get a haircut.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh now that goes too far. MrSpkr take down his name, that's right STUKA ... Now CROSS IT OUT. We'll teach him to disparage a good and noble Knight of the CessPool ... as if THEY have anything to talk about ... seen Mace's hair, MrSpkr ... yes, Sonny Bono lives indeed MrSpkr. Well that should be quite enough, excellent material, should make GOOD reading for the trial.

Sir Joe Shaw, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool

[Stixx]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stalin's Organ:

New Zealand is, of course named after part of teh Netherlands <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ya sure ya don't mean Nether region?

[Juardis]

Enough of the idle banter Joe Shaw. Where the hell is that PBEM game you keep wringing your gnarly hands over?! I need to taunt and I can't do it very well without someone to taunt at, you see. And THAT'S where LARs (does he get bolded?) comes in. He will, of course, agree to the map, any map, any battle. He's hungry...like the wolf...you know. And, well, DAMNIT ALL TO HELL MAN, SEND ME THE BATTLE ALREADY! KEE-RIST, it's been 6 hours already! And I was at work for 5 of them, so you had a head start!

Last Page - wherein Joe figures out the bullseye is not a point doubler, but is in fact, a ambush marker that can be targetted from anywhere...even in Utah => Sorry MrSpkr, I tried and all, but sundown was very ambitious, and SHAW is hard to denigrate past page 21, but I think you'll be pleased nonetheless. I shan't let you down again.

[Stuka]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

should make GOOD reading for the trial.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Can I have my Stenographer now please?

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Enough of the idle banter Joe Shaw. Where the hell is that PBEM game you keep wringing your gnarly hands over?! I need to taunt and I can't do it very well without someone to taunt at, you see. And THAT'S where LARs (does he get bolded?) comes in. He will, of course, agree to the map, any map, any battle. He's hungry...like the wolf...you know. And, well, DAMNIT ALL TO HELL MAN, SEND ME THE BATTLE ALREADY! KEE-RIST, it's been 6 hours already! And I was at work for 5 of them, so you had a head start!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Patience grasshopper, all good things (or REALLY bad things in this case) come to he who waits. In point of fact it's already DONE! It has been sent to MrSpkr for his review and then we're off to the races with ... Arty Fest '45. And damned right Lars is to be bolded, not only is he a TRUE and ANNOINTED SQUIRE (a healthy dollop of WD40 on the head is annointed right?) whereas you are an {alleged} squire, but he is the man who is going to beat you to within an inch of your life and therefore you should show some respect.

Joe

p.s. Stuka you Ozzie goof, (OH, that reminds me, MrSpkr do we have Australia down as a goober nation) the DEFENDENTS don't get stenographers, sheesh.

[Goanna]

It's a sad day indeed and there are many calls for the scalps of Charles and Steve in the halls of scaliness.

Unfortunately Joe, while still not able to sort out how to actually work the whole game, has figured out how to hack into luck and VL functions of the engine.

Observe how, while holding only one small, insignificant VL, he is able to score a minor victory over my forces while they command completely a large VL and a small VL while losing a few pathetic pieces of disposable US armour.

Lorak scribe thusly:

Goanna: (allies) 177 cas (57 KIA) 10 AFV lost - score 41

Shaw (axis) 124 cas (37 KIA) 4 AFVs lost - score 59 Minor Rip Job Win

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

OH, that reminds me, MrSpkr do we have Australia down as a goober nation?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Of course -- right above France and just below Andorra.

Juardis, I am disappointed in your missing the deadline. I shall have to think about your consequences. As to the joust, it is delayed because I decided to tinker with it a bit - it needed more stuff to blow up. Now, Sir Shaw has it, and, if he concurs with my changes, we'll be off to the fireworks show.

Remember lad, its not whether you win or lose, but the taunting that counts. Consdiering you are playing Lars, I expect a good deal from you.

Don't let me down.

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

It is perfectly obvious to ANYONE with half a brain that the NORTHERN Hemisphere, the CORRECT Hemisphere, is ON TOP, ABOVE, HIGHER while the SOUTHERN Hemispere, the home of Australia is BELOW, UNDERNEATH, LOWER. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thankyou Joe,

After your brilliant summation, it's all so perfectly clear.

Everyone who resides in the Northern Hemisphere only has half-a-brain.

Mace

[ 08-24-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]

[Speedbump]

I am sure that Leoo (or is it Leeo?) will agree with me. We stand ready to sit in judgement (note: obligitory Bauhaus comment) of those thrice-damned Ozzies (hey, and lets just through in the zealanders too!). After all, they are just Poms at heart!

Now where are the Stenographers!!

Speedbump

[Edited because I have happy fingers!]

[Edited again to avoid accusations of redundancy, and repetition.]

[ 08-24-2001: Message edited by: Speedbump ]

[ 08-24-2001: Message edited by: Speedbump ]

[MrSpkr]

Once againm the forces of goodness arise to trounce the fell evil that is dalem. His üntertruppen have surrendered to my valiant Canucks (an oxymoron).

The scenario involved a muddy, foggy map containing four roads that met at a small group of houses on a hill in the center. My burly Canadian lumberjacks seized the victory locations on the hill around turn four, then proceeded to mow down wave after wave of ineptly led Volkssturm gerbiltrüppen. Every move he tried was met by a hail of phaser fi, er, machine gun bullets, flamethrowers, and AP/HE rounds designed to reduce his men to tiny glowing crunchy bits.

Although he did manage to puncture the wafer thin armor of a few of my tanks, his force was so decimated it autosurrendered.

LORAK scribe thusly:

MrSpkr - glorious VICTORY

dalem - discouraging DEFEAT

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedbump:

After all, they are just Poms at heart!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You can question the morals of our mothers, you can steal our wives or worse yet our beer, but you can never, never confuse Aussies (bolded to show respect to the Greatest country on this Earth....Australia, Australia we love you!)with Poms!!!!!

Do that again and I'll give you such a pinch!

Mace

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

do we have Australia down as a goober nation<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Most visitors from your fine *chortle* country say Australia (bolded again for yadda yadda yadda) is like the USA in the 50's as far as community interaction is concerned.

That means you have some 50 years of 'gooberness' in advance of us!

Mace

[Marlow]

Gentlemen, Gentlemen,

What is with all this bickering about nationalities? Of course Joe started this whole thing as a mechanism to divide us in preparation for the takeover of the world by aliens from Deserat. I mean the people of Utah must be from another planet. They don't drink, marry Mormon Wives {shudder}, and have a Porn Tsar who is a 40 year old virgin. The rest of the English speaking world must band together in the face of this insidious threat.

After all aren't we all really just Americans, or wanna be Americans, when it comes down to it? The population of Great Britain is really made up of people who longed in their hearts to seek adventure and fortune in the New World, but were too drunk, stupid, or cowardly to leave England (can you imagine anyone staying there for any other reason?). And the Auzzies, like the Americans, are the best and the brightest from Merry Old England who were probably heading for America, but got lost on the way. And as for the Canadians, they really are part of the States, they just haven't figured it out yet. As for the New Zealanders, hmmmm … they are sort of strange. Probably aliens like the Utes.

[Editted to correct an inadvertent bolding of the word "Ute"]

[ 08-24-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

[Speedbump]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace:

Do that again and I'll give you such a pinch!

Mace<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Save it for your sheep you, you...Pommie!

Speedbump

[Leeo]

I hate you all to a depth previously only experienced by giant squids and small mollusks, but I hold a special form of hate for Aitken and Fentle.

Lorak!!!

Please scribble with your crayons in the coloring book of infamy:

Aitken: Gloating major victory.

Leeo: petulant loss.

As if anyone doubted previously, but I'd just like to point out what a gamey Bastiche that Aitken fellow is. I mean really, the nerve to throw lead and 'splodey things at fellows committed piecemeal to charge across 500m of open ground. How gamey can you get? Additionally, he made good use of a (gasp) reserve. He even kept his tanks in good defensive positions, while I invented the new Hull-Up position for my AFV's.

Aitken and I are now back to an overall draw (1 win each and a draw), yet he's making excuses about being unable to start another game with me. I just think he lacks the stomach to kill that many of my troops again. Feh!

Oh, and lest I forget, I hate Elvis most of all.

"Hate hate hate,

Hate hate hate,

Hate your booty,

Hate your BOOOoty..."

[ 08-24-2001: Message edited to ask "Where's my stenographer?!?!" ]

[Bogged]

<TAP> <TAP> Testing....Testing...Is this thing on? AHEM....

Well, as a long-time lurker (and YES, I will probably go back to lurking...thanks for the inevitable upcoming suggestions), I have followed the PL chronicles. I just want to say way to go PL for your promotion to the K word! These people have been way too hard on you lately. I agree in the beginning (well, maybe most of your time here) you were a royal pain in the arse, but I myself have seen improvement in your demeanor, and the constant whining (although completely expected around here) is not warranted. Now, that said, I'll return to "Sodding Off".