Since I'm not Peng, How can I be Challenged?

[BFCElvis]

Dear Wildman,

I have no doubt whose turn it is as far as I'm concerned. I know I have played and emailed the last file sent to me. I haven't received a file in a very long time.

Love,

Elvis

[Bastables]

Second turn OGSF with some British mish mash of units decides to stride forward into the killing zones and stop gaps of urban fortress Bastables. Grandpa team 4 not realising that Bastables considers them worthless has posted the old fogies to over look a bridge and blockade. Arrogant British pig-dogs rattle over the bridge in a MMG carrier, it swerves around the blockade before exploding and rattling to a halt under withering fire form old senile fools yelling “For the Kaiser”. The scum are cut down as they flee their destroyed carrier. Then a Cromwell that was supposed to be covering the carrier is brought under fire by a 5cm PaK finally succumbing to a shell perforating the turret. The cry of a Scottish lunatic can be heard from my side of the town “You Baastred!” Things are going well.

[OGSF]

Originally posted by Bastables:

Things are going well.

Ainly turrn 2, ye furrtive fiddler....yon stankin' foot 'n mooth brigade wull bae wanderin' aboot wi' empty jam tins pickin' oop their entrails afore thus as o'er..an' tha' Pak crew wull ha' tha' steamin' 5cm barrel jammed oop their Kyber's an' all!

[Joe Shaw]

Yeknodathon lad, perhaps you can help me on this.

Something was beginning to be just a bit amusing on page 11 - but to be honest, me Liege, this can be dismissed as novelty value. No, Liege, I can only imagine the funniest thing to be posted by Joe must be his personal details, posted in all sincerity. I mean, a Mortgage Banker living in Mormon Salt Lake City? Priceless.

Perhaps you can explain, since I'm so stupid and clueless, WHY this is funny? Are there no mortgage bankers where you live? Do you imagine that there are none here in Salt Lake City? And if so, why would you imagine such a thing? Or perhaps it's the conjuction of MORMONS and mortgage banking? If so why would that be an issue? Now there ARE funny things about mortgage banking that others here have mined successfully in the past, there are funny things about Salt Lake and Mormons that even I have used, but the combination of the two, without further explanation, MAKES NO SENSE and is not funny.

It's become abundantly obvious that I won't be able to influence your posting habits so ... I give up! If your Knight is so oblivious that HE won't work with you then I certainly won't have the time.

I'll be hard pressed to keep MY Squire, the estimable young Diceman, from drinking out of the piss buckets.

Joe

[Battlefront.com]

Ick... two postings here in one lifetime is bad enough, but twice in one week? Man... shouldn't have had that Belgium Triple tonight!

Anyway, someone accused this thread of being "mutha beautiful". Because of that, and the possibility of wanting some of you Pooler's to become hand picked officials in my new government, I present to you....

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=9;t=002240

Just thought you might like to check it out in case I win "election"!

Steve

[PVLLVS MAXIMVS]

Originally posted by Sock Monkey:

Hey, which one of you lackwits scared off Pvllvs Maximvs? I've been getting his second tavnting all nice and toasty and have even received a set-vp from him, bvt it appears that one of yov frightened the poor widdle snookvms one time more than his fragile nerves could bear and he's afraid to come back. Thanks a lot. To wit, one of you mvst take his since tavnting Diceman is too easy, especially since Shaw spends more time shanking him than I do. So, in the best (albeit short) tradition of the too-long-departed-for-my-vitriolic-taste Pvllvs:

Ummm, guys. Guys? Hey, will somebody play me a game? Please. Umm, it would be just swell. I'd be, just, gosh guys, I'd be pleased as punch!

Since most of you self-appointed "knights" seem to hide from SSN's such as myself behind your "squires" (and what you're doing back there I'd rather not know, frankly) I'll wait for somebody to be sicced on me. ... Or I'll just wait awhile and randomly launch into ad hominem against one (or all) of you, I suppose. Either way, I want to get another game going.

Breathlessly,

Sock Monkey

Hey... arent you the poor schmoe who just parked a platoon of clueless cannon fodder on top of the hill, subsequently to be wiped out by a single round of 150mm death and damnation from my hummel? Dropped out of grad school, indeed.

Im still here by the way wanker.

[PVLLVS MAXIMVS]

Holly crap! I go off for a couple of days and when I return I find a zillion freaking posts to dig through to find Sock Whatsit's pathetic attempt to cast aspersions on my courage!

If you people put half the effort into solving world hunger that you did in this cancerous growth of a thread on the CM forums, I'd be a lot fatter.

[Bastables]

Originally posted by Big Time Software:

Ick... two postings here in one lifetime is bad enough, but twice in one week? Man... shouldn't have had that Belgium Triple tonight!

Anyway, someone accused this thread of being "mutha beautiful". Because of that, and the possibility of wanting some of you Pooler's to become hand picked officials in my new government, I present to you....

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=9;t=002240

Just thought you might like to check it out in case I win "election"!

Steve

I forward my self as the incumbent minister of telecommucations and tourism. This will provide an excuse for 24/7 partying overseas to raise the level of conciseness of what a nice place the USA is to visit. Being the corrupt half Indonesian that I am I will also insure that the only ‘tourist’ are young beautiful women who meet my arbitrary standards of beauty, of the high society do’s that I attend. Such as for example elite modelling agency bashes.

[Bastables]

Originally posted by OGSF:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Bastables:

Things are going well.

Ainly turrn 2, ye furrtive fiddler....yon stankin' foot 'n mooth brigade wull bae wanderin' aboot wi' empty jam tins pickin' oop their entrails afore thus as o'er..an' tha' Pak crew wull ha' tha' steamin' 5cm barrel jammed oop their Kyber's an' all!</font>

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

(tidying hair, tucking in shirt, assuming a casual pose while delivering a reverse kick to the snout of a Donkey mooning around over Shaw and seeking advice).

*kick* *smack*

Ah, that's settled me brain.

Seany, with all me lurve troubles I thought it best to start up the Donkey Paddock Agony Aunt advice column for sad people with relationship problems, so as to offer measured and meaningful replies about their little issues...

Now, one of me first letters strikes a resonant note. Its from a Miss Elizabeth Bennett, Longbourne House, Herts. She writes of a certain Mr Darcy:

We are not on friendly terms, and it always gives me pain to meet him, but I have no reason for avoiding him but what I might proclaim to all the world; a sense of very great ill-usage, and most painful regrets at his being what he is

Me reply:

Dear Lizzie

Oh, I know, I really do, just can't get away from these insufferable brutes... Bit of a drawl? Salt Lake City? Me advice: next time yer at the Meryton Dance, show a little ankle and inquire about real estate loans to draw the pillock over. Afer some initial chit-chat and suggestive fondling, a curt SOD OOOOORRRRFFF should end yer troubles. Should this fail, clasp the pillock's ears with both hands and lift knee to groin. Don't forget to remove bonnet before the head-butt. Oh, are yer using contraceptives?

Auntie Yeknod

Translation: don't bother, its literature

[ March 03, 2002, 06:19 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

[Mace]

Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

Should this fail, clasp the pillock's ears with both hands and lift knee to groin. Don't forget to remove bonnet before head-butt.

That suspiciously sounds like words of wisdom to me!

Mace

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Yeknodathon lad, perhaps you can help me on this.

It's become abundantly obvious that I won't be able to influence your posting habits so ... I give up!

Joe

Ah, Joe, don't give up, your help to influence my posting habits must continue. I welcome it, in my peculiar way.

Have I missed something? Your advice? I know nothing of the Code Duello and many other things, so even though a donkey is stubborn and slow to change its ways, wisdom is appreciated.

As for the things that make me smile, well, Joe like my warped psychology, I cannot explain.

Idjit Yeknod

[Goanna]

I have a brilliant deduction based on a smattering of seemingly unrelated evidence available on the BTS site at present:

(½) Steve Garammond* has posted to the MBT, by his own admission, twice in one week. This has not occurred since the embarrassing "refresh monkey" incident of June 2000.

(œ) Steve Garammond has participated vigorously in a Peng/Grog offshoot thread and the subsequent delivery to Coventry of an undesirable.

(Þ) Steve Garammond has posted wish list for possible upcoming world domination that obviously took a considerable time to write, let alone a number of thinking sessions on the dunny.

(Ð.2) Madmatt remains bald and has begun to reach critical mass stage in the use of exclamation points in his writing.

You've certainly come to the obvious conclusion by now, but I will state it for the record and thereby set hearts a fluttering and a stampede to the pawn shop like a new load of rock just hit the streets.

Steve has waaaay too much time on his hands because, like any good anal retentive project manager, he has things well in hand and can see the light at the end of the tunnel to the release of CMBB. All he has to do know is apply the lash to Kwazydog to collect and skin the models in rapid fashion and get Madmatt the rabid marketer whipped up into a right good frenzy before cutting him loose.

Don't forget, you heard it here first.

[edited because, let's face it, there's "god-like" and then there's Germanboy]

* I like to use his full name so that it inspires wonder and amazement in the SSN who wonder in and think that since I know his full name and have a member number in god-like range, that we are old buds, despite the fact that Mr. Steve Garammond couldn't tell me from a gecko.

[ March 03, 2002, 05:12 AM: Message edited by: Goanna ]

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Yeknodathon lad, perhaps you can help me on this. If your Knight is so oblivious that HE won't work with you then I certainly won't have the time.

I'll be hard pressed to keep MY Squire, the estimable young Diceman, from drinking out of the piss buckets.

Joe

Oh, and this is a bit rich.

Where is the quire? Have you lost two? Bit unfortunate.

See, my Liege gives me quests and sits back in comfort as I slap a hapless, quireless Kannigget about the MBT. I taunt and sing and swing me tail and challenge and just generally be AROUND to protect me Liege's person and posessions. Whereas, two... yes that is TWO of your lot do NOUT. Is this the slovenly, lazy example to follow? I DO NOT THINK SO.

Do you not have any self-respect or thought for the SSNs, Surfs, Squires and Kanniggets who look to your example? Do you not hear the gossip among the stenographers?

Me Liege is a paragon of graft and guideance. Even his perfectly timed boot, swift and shiny, commands me awe and respect as it slots easily into me quarters. And as yer toil at me posts... think on Joe that it is OGSF's SQUIRE that makes yer work and sweat. Come, laddie, chase me tail some more.

Idjit Yeknod

[ March 03, 2002, 07:01 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

Whereas, two... yes that is TWO of your lot do NOUT.

That's NOWT, as in "There's nowt like GETTING A FECKIN' TURN FROM YEKNOD to dampen the blood lust". Get it right or we'll take away your Fake Northerner License, with its attendant stipend of Nukey Brown.

[Goanna]

{ahem}

One could say the same about you, Mr. Bluegreen Algae.

Chop chop now, you can run forward faster than that.

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by PondScum:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

Whereas, two... yes that is TWO of your lot do NOUT.

That's NOWT, as in "There's nowt like GETTING A FECKIN' TURN FROM YEKNOD to dampen the blood lust". Get it right or we'll take away your Fake Northerner License, with its attendant stipend of Nukey Brown.</font>

[PawBroon]

Originally posted by Persephone:

Hmmmmm....looks like Pawbroon has some competition.

Nope.

People should know when things are so uncalled for that the reaction to it could only be allergic in nature.

Posting his little Gnomish Sycophancy and going way overboard in a private email won't get him sympathy or much in the way of respect.

Emma might be Fair, she is no Fair Game.

Someday, people will study Steve's behaviour as the perfect example of the Law of Diminishing Returns...

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Goanna:

despite the fact that Mr. Steve Garammond couldn't tell me from a gecko.

NONE of us can tell you from a gecko - possibly because you ARE one of those little sticky-toed buggers.

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by PondScum:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Goanna:

despite the fact that Mr. Steve Garammond couldn't tell me from a gecko.

NONE of us can tell you from a gecko - possibly because you ARE one of those little sticky-toed buggers.</font>

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

Duck how do they sound?

I dunno, I generally can't hear anything over the noise of the shotgun. Geckos don't require much squishing though, so I do recommend using a light load - that way the pellets don't lodge the little gecko-bits so deeply in the ceiling.

[BFCElvis]

Dear Steve,

Your posting of 2 March 2002 was very enlightening. What I took from it the most is that either CMBB is damn near done and has finally freed up some of you time so you can goof off like the rest of us morons OR you did actually get a load on last night and just ran with it. This of course is the best way to deal with oneself when a serious load had been put on. No sense in trying to fight it...just roll with it. And you did a fine job of doing just that.

Love and kisses,

Elvis

[Sledge59]

A sludgy request:

Would everyone who is in a game with PondScum please stop sending him turns until he resumes the game in which he is about to lose to me? I realize that this is an unusually reasonable request, but think of it this way: This is an easy way for you to torture the Duck.

[Guest PondScum]

Toboggan-boy, you were going to be in luck today. In fact, as I said to Yeknod just this morning, in between putting the boot in:

That reminds me, it's probably time to send Sludge-boy a turn, it being a new month and all.

This spirit of generosity was helped by the fact that my rout of Noba is in its final 60 seconds of pain, and that Berli will shortly accept my offer of a ceasefire if he knows what's good for him. I was therefore going to be able to put some serious thought (viz, more than "pointy-pointy clicky-clicky oooh-shiny-Go-button") into that all-important question of "rush Sledge's guns or just enjoy the madness in the woods".

But if you're going to get all picky about it...

[Sledge59]

Always keeping your best interests in mind, pal. I'm only too happy to be helpful. No need for thanks, JUST LET ME OUT OF THIS FECKING CAGE BEFORE MY EYES POP OUT!