The NEW Peng Challenge ... Available Before Sept. 20th

[Joe Shaw]

They maintain the outer forms yet inside is hollowness, a symphony of despair. Where is the taunt in a ticky-boxy list of conditions? Are you so blinded by your own crazed Deng-ist ambition that you cannot see what you do -- I mean apart from senior moments?

Yes, it is as I thought, you have no counter for my brilliant and incisive arguments and therefore must resort to sophistry and empty word play.

The taunt indeed is IN the conditions. Everytime a Tourney game is begun with a green HMG Jeep and fourteen roadblocks in a meeting engagement, everytime that you begin play with a lovely Sherman III that's emplaced in a clearing with tall pines all around and no way out, everytime that your opponent tries to attack with 6 Volksturm panzerschrecks against nothing but infantry ... then you TAUNT the outerboards, you TAUNT the ladders and you glorify the name of the CessPool.

But all of that is secondary to the true goal of the Tourney ... to provide more fodder for the scope of the taunts that fly like a 120mm mortar barrage on a perfectly placed TRP. For it is BY the gamey play, BY the ridiculous force buys, BY the unfair and illogical terrain that the TOURNEY forces that our taunts are strengthened and new enmities are forged.

You are a fool Eathan if you cannot see this ... but I expected no more of you.

Joe

p.s. Taxi coming in 20 minutes ... honestly

[Panzer Leader]

Sounds fun Joe...pass.

[Hakko Ichiu]

Jo Xia, if a taunt flies in the forest and there is no one to hear it, does it make sound?

What is the sound of one person playing CM?

What if they held a war and no one showed up?

[Panzer Leader]

Ok, I just can't let it go at that. That is basically stupid, yes stupid. Is it not possible to play fun and challenging scenarios and quick-battles with people you hate? What is with all that corny-ass ****, Joe Who the f!!k wants to play one of those?? I prefer to play fun, well-balanced (or at least shot-in-the-dark) battles, not total wastes of time and energy crap like you just proposed.

Sheesh, that's just... stupid.

[Herr Oberst]

Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:

What is the sound of one person playing CM?

Damn this AI is a gamey bastard!! Driving his armor backwards through town once he was past my front line!!

[ July 15, 2002, 01:56 PM: Message edited by: Herr Oberst ]

[Hakko Ichiu]

Originally posted by Herr Oberst:

Damn this AI is a gamey bastard!! Driving his armor backwards through town once he was past my front line!!

What, CM has an AI? Come on, pull the other one, it's got bells on.

[ July 15, 2002, 02:11 PM: Message edited by: Hakko Ichiu ]

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by dalem:

Hey, speaking of, Papa Khann!!! Git your butt over here and tell everyone how your games are going. Meeting engagements only, I believe was stipulated for your quest, hmm? So where are the anime-like splash pages of gore and gristle? --

Yes, my Liege. I hear you and obey, my Liege.

Boo_Rattly - I cry foul!! I was assured that due to his incompetence as a battlefield commander, Boo-Boo is an easy game. Tis true, he is incompetent, but not nearly as incompetent as I had hoped. Maybe I can continue to hide behind that giant smoke screen I created with all of my artillery while I form a new plan of attack.

R_Late - He claims we're having some sort of email difficulties. I suspect the truth is somewhat different. He has grown to fear my superior tactical awareness and is hoping to delay the game until CM:BB is released and we both just forget about the whole thing.

Pantless Leader - It all looked so promising a turn ago. His panzer sat in flames. His infantry on my left was in rout. Now the gamey bastiche has retaliated and evened the score in the center. Why don't they ever realize when my superior tactical awareness has bested them and just lay down like the dogs they are and surrender? Oh bother.

Nobutt - Has started whining about how the computer generated forces aren't fair because I appear to have more boxy things with big pointy things sticking out of them than he does. Of course it appears that way to you, Nobutt. You who cannot appreciate the intricate and brilliant workings of my superior tactical awareness. If you had a butt, I'd tell you to prepare to kiss it good-bye.

Joe - What can I say? Panzer Armee Khann in all it's splendor and glory, about to be bested by Joe and his bleedin' Frogs. I'll just saunter over to The Box and inter myself, my Liege. I have failed you and I have failed House Persiflage.

Papa

[athkatla]

Originally posted by Persephone:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by athkatla:

The piss boy sings:

Oh what a beautiful morning

Oh what a beautiful day

I've got a wonderful feeling

Everythings going my way

Arsekissa, that is a very optimistic outlook for a Monday.

Persephone</font>

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

Boo_Rattly - I cry foul!! I was assured that due to his incompetence as a battlefield commander, Boo-Boo is an easy game. Tis true, he is incompetent, but not nearly as incompetent as I had hoped. Maybe I can continue to hide behind that giant smoke screen I created with all of my artillery while I form a new plan of attack.

Papa

Aww, poor baby! Is the mean old Boo Radley proving to be more of a challenge than what lil' Pop Corn was expecting?

Life's tough sometimes, isn't it?

You say you created that smoke screen with your arty? I thought for sure it was just the regular smoke you blow out of that great spotty arse of yours.

[Geier]

Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:

What, CM has an AI? Come on, pull the other one, it's got bells on.

It's got knobs on, you fool. Send me a fecking turn instead of arguing with that Ladder Rep. We non-members of the No-House shouldn't lower ourselves to such discourse. However, since it is you, I'm not surprised.

I am also pleased to note that the game versus The Hiram is progressing nicely and that the files may indeed eventually reach an even larger size than the first action file I dispatched to The Lizard, head honcho of Der Lizard Armee Gruppe Sud. Since I am forced to using french people to further my aims I might just decide to let him kill em all. But that fecking file was huge. We hopes it had lots of sploded lizards in it.

Ethan is dying beautifully in the snow, no wonder as he is up against my elite FallschirmhamsterGruppe Arctic Bastards.

Cor, that was a bit of an update, wsn't it guv?

Guv?

So I'm a bit tired. Sue me. Sue Ellen.

[Moriarty]

Herr Oberst, regarding your previous simpering, File 60 was sent to you in the early a.m. 13 July 2002.

So, no excuses for not attending to sheetrock, etc., etc.

[ July 15, 2002, 05:04 PM: Message edited by: Moriarty ]

[Moriarty]

Originally posted by Goanna:

With the arrival of the delivery date of CMBB now definitely set, I think it is time for each of us to sit back and contemplate the likelihood of our finishing each and every one of our current games in a timely fashion so as to coincide with the release date as well as reflect on the hate that burns inside of us for those we loathe.

Good point, Flicker.

To my erstwhile CM opponents of the MBT, it is my intention to continue any and all CM:BO games under way to their conclusion regardless of the receipt of CM:BB.

If you are of a mind to drop the CM:BO game when you have received your copy of CM:BB, I will agree to cease-fire the game in progress and let the AI tally up the points.

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

You say you created that smoke screen with your arty? I thought for sure it was just the regular smoke you blow out of that great spotty arse of yours.

Wrong again, Boo-Hoo! The smoke you are referring to has considerably more flame associated with it.

Papa

[Doug Beman]

{stomps in, sits down dejectedly}

Well, I'll never be a kah-nigget. Heck, I don't think I'll even make it to squire. I suck.

DjB

[Moriarty]

Are the outer boards that bad that someone of the stature, the notoriety, the fame of Doug Beman, someone with a three-digit member number, [bauhaus] ah, said member number ya bunch of raging pillocks[/bauhaus] would deign to muck about in the MBT?

Ya might try taunting someone ... a serf or SSN perchance.

[ July 15, 2002, 06:15 PM: Message edited by: Moriarty ]

[Goanna]

Or run like hell. Hurry Doug before you get some on you.

Lars your acceptance is noted. I prefer a scenario from the Scenario Depot top 20 or a third party setup quick battle, and will take the Allies. Tell me your preference and # of points and type of battle and I will either get a scenario, or arrange the third party and map for purchases.

[ July 15, 2002, 06:59 PM: Message edited by: Goanna ]

[rleete]

Originally posted by dalem:

Hey, speaking of, Papa Khann!!! Meeting engagements only, I believe was stipulated for your quest, hmm?

Well, all right then! Let me be the first to rat him out. Back-stabbed in the finest traditions of the 'pool. Both our battles are/have been not ME's, but attacks. And him defending as the Germans, no less! Maybe you could forget to count them in the final tally? A couple of extra nights in the box couldn't hurt, either. I say this for his own good, you see. "New meat's got to learn the rules, same as everybody else. He got the box, 'cause he back talked to the man."

See what ragging on me (so I forgot to attach the turn. Sue me) gets you, Pop Can? Any more parameters you were supposed to use?

[Lars]

Originally posted by Goanna:

Lars your acceptance is noted. I prefer a scenario from the Scenario Depot top 20 or a third party setup quick battle, and will take the Allies. Tell me your preference and # of points and type of battle and I will either get a scenario, or arrange the third party and map for purchases.

Whatever strikes your fancy, your lizardness. Just make sure it's amusing for both of us. None of this ten thousand geckos versus one fly type of battles. Nothing in the huge range either as it bogs down my poor little machine and modem.

[Buzzsaw]

Rune, you may recall my initial post concerning this battle. In that post I highlighted how Harv, by cleverly choosing a very short scenario where he would play the defender, limited the chances for his total lack of tactics to hurt him. This was really the only interesting part of the game, as the actual turns featured the lack of imagination that the Harv’s opponents have come to dread. For my part, I displayed just enough tactical genius to achieve a draw. But, for the sake of completeness, I offer this AAR.

Setup

The remnants of Ranger Company Charlie have breached Omaha beach, but now must take two houses that command a view of the open scrub above the bluff. Captain Rune, the company commander, complaining of sore feet (perhaps he should take better care of his boots), has been evacuated, and the men look to their most experienced NCO, Sergeant Buzzsaw, to lead them in their hour of crisis. A natural leader, Sergeant Buzzsaw is respected and loved by his men. At home, in California, the women know him for his astonishingly handsome looks. In the barracks, he is renowned for his witty banter. But, it is here, in the crucible of combat, that he has proven his natural leadership, and his ruthless efficiency as a killing machine.

Sergeant Buzzsaw directs the Company to conceal themselves in the brush in a small ravine, so that he may survey the area without exposing them to much fire.

Turns 1-3

Sergeant Buzzsaw leads a half squad through some scattered trees and towards the objective. He draws fire from a wooden MG bunker to the right, and a light machine gun in the stone house directly ahead. Noting that the suppressive effects of this MG fire are less than anticipated, Buzzsaw orders the half squad to take cover in the trees, and runs the gauntlet of machine gun fire alone as he returns to report the situation to the two platoon Lieutenants. The Lieutenants are rattled -- they were not expecting reinforced positions, and there are no bazookas in range of the bunker. Sergeant Buzzsaw, takes control of the situation, and immediately orders the majority of platoon B to flank the bunker.

Turns 4-6

Sergeant Buzzsaw leads the flanking maneuver himself. Several men are cut down as they dash across the bunker’s field of fire, but their dying thoughts are untroubled: they have seen their beloved Sergeant reach some cover in a position that flanks the bunker. Surprisingly, the German commander of the forces in this area has left the flank of the bunker completely unprotected. As he strolls up to the back door of the bunker, Sergeant Buzzsaw wonders what kind of imbecile would leave his most valuable defensive structure so exposed. His gammon bomb knocks out the bunker, and the survivors of the initial blast are gunned down as they try to flee to the rear. Their dying words are curses to their commander for sacrificing them so needlessly.

Turns 7-9

Charlie Company’s 60mm mortars begin unloading on the wooden house and fox holes around the objective. The German defenders, dispirited by their commander’s total incompetence, and terrified by the massacre at the bunker, begin abandoning their positions. They may be shot for cowardice latter, but they have seen that following their commander’s orders guarantees a certain death now.

It appears that one of the German defenders has left a still burning cigarette as he fled. No wait! It is the smoke barrage from the 60mm mortars. Attack! The men of platoon A come charging out of the brush, urged on by the throaty war cries of Sergeant Buzzsaw. Buzzsaw arrives at the stone house first, and single handedly overpowers the machine gun crew before they can get off a single shot.

Under interrogation, one of the wounded MG crew reveals that there should be a 3rd German platoon returning shortly. It seems that their commander sent them foraging for hemorrhoid cream in a nearby village (something about a recurring condition brought on by long hours on a tractor before the war and the stress of combat).

Turns 10-12

It looks as if the missing German platoon has returned. They do a lot of ineffectual milling around as the Rangers, outnumbered, but protected inside the stone house, pick off a few German’s cowering in the cover of some trees. Out of ammo, Sergeant Buzzsaw takes advantage of this time to answer fan mail from home, and to polish his boots with the viscera of the Germans he slaughtering today.

Summary

Owing to the large number of Germans milling around the objective, the powers that be deem the engagement a draw, but word quickly spreads amongst the German army of the fearsome warrior who has waded ashore in France, of the man with the face of an angel, but who does the devil’s work, of Die Menschliche Kettensaege.

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

I am beginning to hate people. I used to just tolerate them, but now I abhor them. They think too slowly and move too slowly. When will HR institute the kicking of underlings as positive reinforcement? We all know that a good kick in the seat of the pants should help them along there way. Silly peons.

I am currently attempting to charm the pants off a honey with a fine booty. She has that plump rump that I desire to sneak up behind and unleash some of my patented Hiram-lovin. It appears that she comes equipped with a mind. This may be difficult. She is built for lovin’ and I wish to be her love slinky. But, she wants romance and affection instead of intense and mind blowing copulatory man-hoovers. I want to capture her flag and get a major victory over that healthy heinie. (Sit down Andreas)

I’m sure much of this is a mystery for the inhabitants of the Mutha Beautiful Thread (and she’ll always be there) what with me talking about a real, live female instead of a hairy palm. (sit down Moriarty)

So, you can all toss your nuggets of advice on how I might pimp the ho. Or perhaps how I might delve into the crevasse of one who is so bootylicious.

Anyone?

crickets chirping

Ahhh…nevermind.

[Panzer Leader]

As far as Papa Khann goes, well I met him, I engaged him, and I am now commencing the slaughter.

Dalem, get your 'weeping shoulder' warmed up, Papa Khann is comin' home with a bloody nose and a scraped knee. That is... if he makes it home.

[Panzer Leader]

Originally posted by Doug Beman:

{stomps in, sits down dejectedly}

Well, I'll never be a kah-nigget. Heck, I don't think I'll even make it to squire. I suck.

DjB

Thank you, don't forget your complimentary sodoff on the way out. Oops, watch the door! Next!

[OGSF]

Goanna ye garbologist's underthing! Top 20 oot o' Scenario Depot at as. Saind at along laddie an' Ah'll whip ye back tae Abu Dhabi Land!

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Droog Boringman:

{minces in, sits daintily down on pouffe}

Well, ah'll never be a kuh-nugget. Why heck an' fandoogly, ah don't think ah'll ever make it ta squireling. Ah suck, ah rally do!!.

DjB

Try sucking MUCH HARDER before you <BIG>SOD ORF!!</BIG>. That MIGHT help earn a brownie point or three, on your torturous and long-winded quest for the ultimate title of "Pissboy Part Deaux".

Sir AJ

[Flamin' House of Berli]

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Mace:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Goanna:

Hell, I already have the pairings worked out

Me and sheep? (I can hope)

Mace</font>