Peng Tripods: Challenging The Myth

[Croda]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Mace:

Let's play 'spot the oxymoron'.

Where Croda is concerned, there is no 'oxy' involved</font>

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Another cheese sandwich, anyone?

Steve

Another cheese sandwich, anyone?

Cheese sandwich, anyone?

Cheese sandwiches here.

Ooh, I've found a cheese sandwich, who wants one?

A cheese sandwich has just flown past me nose.

I like cheese sandwiches, I keep 'em in me lunch box.

I've started a cheese sandwich collection, who wants to see 'em?

My cheese sandwiches have PARAMETERS, so many PARAMETERS that you could knock me over with a cheese sandwich.

Cheese sandwich, anyone?

I've just taken a picture of me cheese sandwich and yer can see em' as .jpg or .gif pictures but I don't like .bmp files 'cause me cheese sandwich ain't big enough but I don't care because my cheese sandwich is very special to me and I take it everywhere because it has PARAMETERS and not a lot of cheese sandwiches have PARAMETERS.

Cheese sandwich, anyone?

Yeknod Mono-drone de Lurk

[ April 25, 2002, 05:18 PM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

[Stuka]

Originally posted by Bozo:

*BITE*

Quite aggressive for a Siberian Hamster, aren't you?

[Seanachai]

Marlow Comes to the Final Darkest Castle, Part II

...After the soft, green glow of the jungle outside, the transition into Schloss Peng turns out to be...well, dazzling, actually. Everything is beautifully and fullsomely lit, from many distinctive and tastefully disguised angles. Marlow, blinking and shuffling, makes his way through the entryway, hair stirring and ears thrumming from displaced air streaming past him towards the doors, which close as he finds himself in a hall where the room opens up, and up, daylight seeming to stream in from high windows set around the vaulted and arched ceiling. He stands, awed, staring at the banners that hang the length of the hall, rich with the figures and colours of Heraldry.

Marlow: Schloss Peng. (his whisper of awe barely stirs the air, stilled and silent after the closing of the Great Doors.) I stand at the Center of all Time and Spa— (he shies aside as a harsh braying erupts from his left)

Yeknod: Figgerines! Get yer Figgerines here! Lovely, lovely, Figgerines! Action Figgerines! Seniour Knights! Knights! Squire Sets! Collect 'Em all! Postcards! Get yer Schloss Peng Postcards!

Staggered, Marlow swings to see an open, brightly lit Emporium, with row upon row of merchandise. A banner hangs from a pole by a cash register, reading: Schlosse Penge Gifte Shoppe. A donkey with distinctly human features stands behind the sales counter, waggling its eyebrows at him.

Yeknod: Hello, Squire! Wonna buy a figgerine? Take it home for the kiddies, show the folks back home yer've been to Schloss Peng?! Send 'em a postcard? Nothing like an Humourous Post Card from Schloss Peng to buck 'em up back home!

Marlow: I am no Squire! I am a Knight of the Cesspool, foul creature!

Yeknod: 'Course you are, sir, 'course you are! I recognized it roight off! Says to meself, there, Yeknod, that's after being a Knight of the Cesspool! An' I wos right! Let me show you our collection of Humourous Cesspool plaques!

with one hoof he spins forth a display of hammered metal and lacquer signs. They bear slogans like: "I Got Crabbes in the Cesspool, And There Are No Seafood Restaurants!", "Honk If You Hate Slapdragon", and "Beer! The Australian National Anthem In A Bottle!"

Marlow: I...what sorcery is this?!

Yeknod: Oh, well, Squ...er Good Sir Knight, the source of a lot of it's roight here in the Cesspool, sir, indeed it is. Native 'andicrafts, Sir. Take the Action Figgers! Lovely bit o' work, them. Lookit this!

A quick flurry of hoof movements spreads half a dozen foot high figures over the countertop.

Yeknod: Jus' look at the detail, sir! Every one a work o' art! Note the forlorn look on a' face of this Hiram Sedai figger, sir! And this sky-diving Stuka figger, all anatomical and correct, now there's Grog Porn fer you, sir, and wonderful work it is, 'specially given the scale! And this, this one of the Justicar, notice how the jaw never stops working?! How 'bout this Goanna figger, jus' look at the extension o' tongue! Dam' near put yer eye out, Squire! And how 'bout Meeks, sir, always a fav'rite! We've got three dif'rent styles, sir! 'Grand Inquisitor Elijah', 'Meeks the Apostate', and moi personal fav'rite, sir, 'Tree Full of Rats'. Lookit how each branch has half a dozen, sir, each more demented lookin' than the last!

Marlow: I'm not here for toys, you...Er...just out of curiosity, do you have any of the Ladies of the Pool?

The donkey looks around, and shifts nervously

Yeknod: Well, sir, in a word, sir, in a word...no. Management frowns on it, sir. There were incidents. Mistakes were made. Although, Sir Knight, I do have a figgerine here o' Mace, and a whole flock of his loverlies!

Marlow: No!! I am here for the Olde Ones! What of the Olde Ones?!

Yeknod: Oh, them, yes, why din't yer Honour say so! Got all the Olde Ones here! Jus' lookit this! (again, a blur of hooves and the counter is filled with new wares) Why here's the Peng himself, sir! Note the crossed arms, either hand holding a mug or a jug, the stern countenance, the frown o' curmudgeonly judgement! An' here's the Berli! Lookit that! You can't barely see the sod, can yer?! Comes with refillable smoke pellets, so it does. And here, sir, here's the Seanachai. Very nice, that, caught in mid-caper. An' watch this, yer Honour. one hoof extends to...somehow...grap a ring at the back of the figure and pull. Immediately the figurine begins to sing 'Well I've been a wild rover for many a year...') That's quality, yer lordship! That's percision! That's value fer dollars! Oh, and no Aussie currency accepted, sir, just so's we're clear from the start. Real money only, sir.

Marlow: I am here for the Olde Ones! Not toys, not 'figurines', not cheap imitations! I want to meet the Olde Ones themselves!

Yeknod: Can't help you there, Squire. An' you shouldn't be calling me wares 'cheap', 'cause this is a licensed shop, and yer wouldn't believe the prices! (A merry tinkling of bells sounds) There, it's me lunch. And I'm that hungry. Back after me thistle and pint, Squire.

(sweeps a 'Gone for Ye Olde Lunche' sign on to the counter, and slowly fades from sight, leaving only the image of a pair of arched eyebrows.)

Marlow: What hell is this, that has such creatures in it? But I will not be stayed! I will not be put off! I will find the Olde Ones!

A disembodied voice is heard, while one eyebrow waggles:

Yer oughta speak with fewer exlamation points, lad! Yer goin' ta tire yerself!

Marlow resolutely proceeds further into Schloss Peng.

[Lars]

News Flash!!!

AussieJeff has requested a Ceasefire in the Scenario known as Dornet.

On turn 9 of 35.

German troops were heard muttering something about their lack of Physical Education training.

Allies are preparing to send a fresh load of jump ropes to help the underdeveloped Less-than-Uber WundercKinder.

[Stuka]

Your'e really quite bored at the moment aren't you,Seanachai?

Mind, it was relatively entertaining in an "Alice in Wonderland" kind of way.

Could your time not be better spent on the quest for a scenario worthy of our time?, or have you simply not found one 'gamey' enough?

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Lars:

News Flash!!!

AussieJeff has requested a Ceasefire in the Scenario known as Dornet.

On turn 9 of 35.

German troops were heard muttering something about their lack of Physical Education training.

Allies are preparing to send a fresh load of jump ropes to help the underdeveloped Less-than-Uber WundercKinder.

*WARNING*

Don't <U>EVER</U> play the "Dornot Bridgehead" scenario as the krauts in PBEM! If there was ever an infantry version of "Jabo", I've FOUND it.

TOTAL ALLIED VICTORY (70 pts to 6) by turn 9 says it all. At least Lars enjoyed himself, the SOD......

Harumph! Next please.........

AJ

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Stuka:

Your'e really quite bored at the moment aren't you,Seanachai?

Mind, it was relatively entertaining in an "Alice in Wonderland" kind of way.

Could your time not be better spent on the quest for a scenario worthy of our time?, or have you simply not found one 'gamey' enough?

Actually, not. I rather enjoy writing that sort of thing. Wait until you get to the 'Australian bit' (coming up). I'm nowhere's near done, Stuka. But I will go out and find us another scenario to play, me old china.

Admit it, you liked it.

Certainly hope so, as there's a good half dozen, at the minimum, episodes left to do.

[OGSF]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

I'm calling you out, Missy.[/QB]

*one wildly bushy brow raised above a glaring steely blue eye*

Ah knoo yoo, didnae Ah laddie? Ah've sain yoo afore Ah have.....an more tha' wun occasion as waill, eh?

Tha' firrrst teem were whain Ah foond ye squealin' fer hailp, trapped oop tae ye waist an' a fresh steamin' Croda laift bah mah poor wee span'l an tha scullery staips. "hailp mae! hailp mae!" ye squeaked. Sae Ah hailped ye alreet, didnae Ah!? Scooped ye an' ye toasty moisty haim aintae a plastic Mark's an' Spencer's bag, swung ye aroond an' 'roond an released ye aintae tha fair Scottish heaven's as Ah yelled "Pull!". An' wha' happened naixt, eh laddie? Tha's reeght, Ah blew tha jellified snot oot o' ye wi' mah trrrusty rrrusty, o'er an' under, double-shotted, wanker-spanker pidgeon potter!!!!

But at's noo all waill as at? Noo Jimmy, at's nae all waill whain a mon's stankin' wee span'l runs off an' gobbles doon tha smokin' giblets as they fall tae tha blessed Scottish heath noo as at? Ye bastaarrrd! Cudnae fall awah cud ye? Noooo, festerin' pillock tha ye arre, ye haid tae fall aintae mah shtyupid span'ls pur-bloody-vue! Sae Ah aventually feend ye agin, sicked oop bah tha poor wee span'l an mah cellar floor! An' wha' did Ah di tae ye thus teem? Eh? Di ye rrremember tha, Mistah Poo-Badley? Mooped ye oop wi' King George, tha fluffy moggie fraim naixt door, bunged ye through tha wringer, King George an' all, bioled ye ain tha copper an' strained ye through an ol' pair o' Joe Ah cudnae plah ye just noo, Ah've fallen an' cannae get oop Shaw's string-bag oonderpants aintae a fresh haggis mix. An' thain? Thain Ah diced oop tha Croda-stained, shot-splattered, span'l-sicked-oop Poo-Badley laced haggis aintae snack size chunks, an' fed thaim tae tha destitute waifs o' fair Glasgow - sae ye cud bae shat doon a hundred privy's ain a single afternoon!!!! An' ye stank oop tha antire stankin' toon sae much, mah poor wee span'ls eye's were waterin'! YE BASTARRRD!

1500 points, attack or defaind, saind at along laddie an' Ah'll sort ye oot agin!

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

[Noba]

Posted by Dalem

As a rule, I ignore Australians regardless of topic.

Only because you are a pimply, pontificating, pustulant, preening pillock who couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag.

Noba.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by OGSF:

...Sae Ah aventually feend ye agin, sicked oop bah tha poor wee span'l an mah cellar floor! An' wha' did Ah di tae ye thus teem? Eh? Di ye rrremember tha, Mistah Poo-Badley?

YE BASTARRRD!

1500 points, attack or defaind, saind at along laddie an' Ah'll sort ye oot agin!

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

Masterful. Disgusting, and still overly fixated on the colon (as would be anyone who would actually eat haggis, as opposed to just going on about it), but masterful.

Had this been in anything other than bad Broad Scots, it would be something we could show the Squires.

Which reminds me of the story of when OGSF met the SSN.

It was on one of those incarnations when all the lads of the Peng Challenge Thread were having a pronounced good time, drinking, singing, and tale-telling. They were all after having had many a scotch, and ale, and other things less identifiable, and rollicking along like there was no tomorrow, which there isn't, actually, on the Peng Challenge Thread, because by the time you get to tomorrow, it's full of Australians, so it's just like today but with even less coherency.

But the lads of the Peng Challenge Thread started to notice (and believe me, it takes a while) that there was a New Arrival who wasn't participating in the drinking, in the taunting, and the jolly sing-songs. So finally, vicious bastards that they were, they delegated OGSF to go back and invite the Newcomer to join them.

So OGSF staggers over to the Newbie, and after clearing his throat and spitting broadly somewhere mostly to the left of the poor sod's shoes, says: "Here! This is the Peng Challenge Thread, and we're after wondering why you aren't joining in the festivities! Is it because you have not the background?!"

And the Newbie said, "Well, I noticed you were all having such a good time, and I wanted to join in, truly I did, but I didn't like to, you see, I didn't like to because, you see, I wasn't sure what was going on. I mean, you were all talking about things far over my head, and going on about things I'd not the wit to understand. Occasionaly, when you'd talk loudly about defecation, and sodding off, I'd understand, but I couldn't have joined in on the more intriguing topics to save my life."

And OGSF told the Newbie:

"Ah, don't worry yourself, lad! I've a wee spaniel at home that's the same way!"

[dalem]

Originally posted by Noba:

Posted by Dalem

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />As a rule, I ignore Australians regardless of topic.

Only because you are a pimply, pontificating, pustulant, preening pillock who couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag.

Noba.</font>

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

I like cheese sandwiches, I keep 'em in me lunch box.

Yeknod Mono-drone de Lurk

A good step forward -- much better than that Vegemite crap you people eat.

Now, if you had only included okra, properly prepared, I might see you in a whole new light.

Nahhh.

Steve

[Stuka]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Admit it, you liked it.

There's a good half dozen, at the minimum, episodes left to do.

Oh......goody.

Hey! That reminds me, we haven't talked about "The Goodies"!

Oh Yes, Eckky-Thump, The giant kitten, the sauce fight at the OK corral, the dodo, the offshore radio station where they only played "a walk in the black forest".

Ahhh memories.

goody goody yum yummmm

We need a poll to decide which one of Tim Brooke-Taylor, Bill Oddie or Graham Garden would have made a better commander than James T Kirk, or kicke dmore Dalek butt than some stinking Time-Lord.

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by dalem:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Noba:

...

I swear I heard something.</font>

[Noba]

Posted by the PPPPP :

I swear I heard something.

Quoted by the Pondscumbag :

He makes that sound when you run over him, mon petite liege. Stick it into reverse and try it again - I'm sure you'll hear it better this time.

Aha. Laurel and Hardy make their appearance. Which one of you is the brainy one then. Oops, sorry - does not apply. Figuring out the fat one is too hard.

Pondscum, your Liege is a cowardly wart that won't stand up for himself in a fair fight !Mind you, he has a point I suppose. Why do your own dirty work if you can get a minnion to do it for you ?

I shall be pleasured beating both of you - at once even. But you'll both weasel out, I'm sure.

Noba.

[Speedy]

Originally posted by AussieJeff:

*WARNING*

Don't <U>EVER</U> play the "Dornot Bridgehead" scenario as the krauts in PBEM! If there was ever an infantry version of "Jabo", I've FOUND it.

TOTAL ALLIED VICTORY (70 pts to 6) by turn 9 says it all. At least Lars enjoyed himself, the SOD......

Harumph! Next please.........

AJ

You shouldn't have gone and said all that AJ you've gone and made Mace feel all inadequate.

[Speedy]

Oh and Bill Odie was the best Goodie.

[Mace]

Originally posted by Speedy:

You shouldn't have gone and said all that AJ you've gone and made Mace feel all inadequate.

Me, feel inadequate?

Never!

Sheep, yes! Inadequate, no!

Gee, AJ lost as the supernumerous Germans? He must really really suck (and I mean that in a nice way, as one aussie to another)

Mace

PS we're forgetting Captain Scarlet, who kicked Mysteron a*se, which is really hard to do because where is the Mysteron's backside? (btw, don't you love the Mysterons, aliens on a very tight budget)

PPS I preferred Graeme Garden, who was very much the intellectual of the group, and who was the inspiration for my sideburns.

[Stuka]

It is agreed then, no-one liked Tim Brooke Taylor.

mainly because he was a girly, cry-baby ponce.

What say you, Croda Brooke-Taylor?

[Noba]

It is agreed then, no-one liked Tim Brooke Taylor. Mainly because he was a girly, cry-baby ponce.

I would leap (slightly) to T-B-T in his defense. The group worked well because the mix of characters portrayed, offered a wide number of situations for stirring. His position as a "Good Old Boy" was central to the shows quirkiness in it's British fashion.

My favourites include the Jockeys, The Cod wars and the Crufts dog show !

Noba.

[Lars]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Now, if you had only included okra, properly prepared, I might see you in a whole new light.

Okra, the only thing that I've found that is more disgusting than lutefisk.

Lutefisk was at least once a fish.

Okra, no matter how you cook it, remains a vegetable.

[dalem]

Originally posted by Noba:

Aha. Laurel and Hardy make their appearance. Which one of you is the brainy one then. Oops, sorry - does not apply. Figuring out the fat one is too hard.

Pondscum, your Liege is a cowardly wart that won't stand up for himself in a fair fight !Mind you, he has a point I suppose. Why do your own dirty work if you can get a minnion to do it for you ?

I shall be pleasured beating both of you - at once even. But you'll both weasel out, I'm sure.

Noba.

Hmm. So what manner of being are you? Be you Kanigget or Squire?

And who says that a fight between us would be 'fair' anyway?

[Joe Shaw]

MrSpkr and Yeknodathon will be pleased (well, so far anyway, mind they haven't seen the final product yet) to know that I have created the perfect scenario and have sent it along to OGSF for his review. Likely enough he'll try to print the file but what can you do.

I tell you gang, it has everything, suspense, drama, comedy, tragedy and night. Well, not everything I suppose, no babes for example.

Joe

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

MrSpkr and Yeknodathon will be pleased (well, so far anyway, mind they haven't seen the final product yet) to know that I have created the perfect scenario and have sent it along to OGSF for his review. Likely enough he'll try to print the file but what can you do.

I tell you gang, it has everything, suspense, drama, comedy, tragedy and night. Well, not everything I suppose, no babes for example.

Joe

Hey, Joe. Where you going with that scenario in your hand? Mind sending it to hiramsedai@earthlink.net? Hiram's curious.