If I Said You Had a Beautiful Peng Challenge Would You Hold It Against Me?

[Croda]

Well, my post received decidedly less attention than my ego warrants, so I'll be needlessly blunt:

After an 8 or so month hiatus from the battlefield, I've given due consideration to throwing my ass back into the ass kicking ring. This is in large part to missing the game; in some part to recently building myself an Athlon XP 1600+, GeForce3 Ti200, 512 MB DDR, 40 GB HD uber-system that not only has room for another program (CM) but cannot conceivably lose to yahoos like yourselves; and in absolutely no part to missing you thingy-obsessed pack of crack-babies.

That said, I will say two or three more things:

1) Will CM run on Win XP? The tech forum is tediously boring and everyone knows this is the group with the answers anyway.

2) Notice the change to my email in my profile.

3) My wife is due to have twins in June, thus no promises on game timeframe. I will keep my number of games small however to avoid pissing off all that many people.

4) Hairy Ovaries, I suppose I owe you one.

5) I also plan on doing some scenario design. I have couple and am looking for guinea pigs.

Croda out

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Croda:

Well, my post received decidedly less attention than my ego warrants<hr></blockquote>

Post? What post? Who are you anyway?

[Patch]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by AussieJeff:

AHHH!!! ........ that's better ......... the burning PAIN of their scathing wounds .. is starting to ebb from my useless, wretched, paralysed form........ Oh gee - [sigh] I forgot that I was going to give that nice father figure chap Seanachai a challenge too over Xmas ...... [choke-sob] but now that chance is gone ...... OH! but a light ...... a bright light is coming nearer ... is this Heaven? ......aahhhhh!! ..... I ...... hope the guys appreciate my parting gift and...... have a nice, white Xmas .... [gurgle][/splutter] and a [cough] Hap.p.y... N......e.......w.................Y......................."

(transmission ends)<hr></blockquote>

[sniff, sniff] I hope you pillocks are satisfied with what you did to poor FlossieJeff.[/sniff, sniff]

Persephone

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Patch:

[sniff, sniff] I hope you pillocks are satisfied with what you did to poor FlossieJeff.[/sniff, sniff]<hr></blockquote>

Indeed we are!

[Speedy]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

What say the Australians?

<hr></blockquote>

Ummm, whose shout is it?

[Lars]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Patch:

[sniff, sniff] I hope you pillocks are satisfied with what you did to poor FlossieJeff.[/sniff, sniff]

Persephone<hr></blockquote>

You blame us for a suicide? Oh, right then.

Gentlewyrms and Ladies, there is still the exalted rank of Pissboy for AussieJeff. Somebody warm up the difibulator and apply it to various parts of his still warm corpse until signs of an intelligent post appears.

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by AussieJeff:

(transmission starts)

WHAT have I DONE!!! My dear, dear friends of the 'pool...... do they not love me, poor little AussieJeff ..... anymore??

(transmission ends)<hr></blockquote>

We never loved you. Worthless git!!! I say nay to serf and you bet yer sweet buttocks to sup status for Flossie.

[MrSpkr]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

We should point out that the GOAL of this scenario is that I scurry my troops off the back of the map. The rest is pretty accurate though. It's gone on so long and has been such a snoozer that I can't really recall who created it. I think it was either MrSpkr (I hasten to add, in his "Pre-Ker Dessel*" days ... it's FAR too conventional for a true Ker Dessel* scenario) or Agua Perdido. Either way they should be ashamed.<hr></blockquote>

Arrgh. Probably mine. Lots of snow, some frozen rivers, and not enough troops to blow up on either side?

Send me a copy - I might be able to use the map for a Ker Dessel thing I am working on.

[MrSpkr]

Damn. I see I missed on the chance to join the "Let's All Hate the Obnoxious Fiftysomething Golfing Australians" bandwagon (although it does sound like a noble cause -- perhaps we could just shorten it to "Let's All Hate Australians" for easier reference).

At least I can still muddy his grave.

[unzip] **PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST** . . . **PSSSSSSSSST** . . . {drip} . . . tap-tap . . . {drip}[/zip]

Ahh, that's better. Now for UPDATES:

Goanna, having lost a couple of companies of men, two or three halftracks, a pair of tanks and the battalion dachsund is now sending waves of halftracks in gamey victory flag rushes. Frankly, I'm running out of targets for my artilery. He will lose this one, and badly.

Lars has chosen the world's WORST map (rivers running uphill, bridges that have twenty feet of vertical height between them and the conencting road, etc., etc. Furthermore, the gamey bastiche had the temerity to blow up three of my tanks! Bastiche -- I'll do you for that! It's just a flesh wound!

Speedbump and I are playing some sort of demented Bing Crosby-esque scenario. He is hiding in a town with lots of veterans. I am advancing with lots of regulars and green troops. The sole point of excitement thus far occured when Corporal Higgins tripped and scraped his elbow while advancing through a stand of trees. Hopefully, this will liven up soon.

Elvis just sent me a file. It has been a while since we exchanged turns, but I seem to remember that nothing much had happened in that one(other than some wasted artillery on his part).

Seanachai's Last Bit of Social Feel-Goodism is advancing his unter-truppen through a small town dotted with fires and rubble. I am dedicating myself to making more fires and rubble, while simultaneously reducing his runts to small crunchy bits I can paint brown and sell to middle-aged Americans as a new bran cereal.

Leeo has lost all his armor and all but one or two of his vehicles in his inept advance. His casualties appear to be approaching 40%, and he is just now reaching my initial line of defense. I hope for an autosurrender in this one.

There may be other games, but I can't be bothered to remember them all.

Dismissed.

[ 12-13-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]</p>

[Agua Perdido]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Croda:

I have couple and am looking for guinea pigs.

Croda out<hr></blockquote>

Hrm. Well, you might want to ask Mace about that, although I don't know if his purview extends to rodents. In the meantime, SEND ME A FECKIN' TURN so I can finish stomping your worthless fallschirmgits. I still have the game saved somewhere and I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! I haven't forgotten what you did to my ottoman, you twisted, naugahyde-fetishizing, thoroughly unwholesome end-table-fondler. In the name of Ray and Charles Eames, I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! (Bauhaus, put down that Blu Dot catalog! Yes, the 2D/3D series is sort of "pop-up," but that's not what--oh, alright, but wash those movers' pads when you're done.)

Agua Perdido

[Herr Oberst]

Game updates:

Morearty: In some god-forsaken scenario by Gerbiltoy, where I believe I am f-ed from the setup... no BEFORE the setup, our troops met in the first of many great conflagrations. His M5 Stuart, and my ********* got close enough to see each other. My valiant panzerhamstertruppen managed to squeak off a few shots before the weasely Amis (read Morearty backed away. I can only assume that he is buggering out only to call down some of that damned artillery the Amis have too much of. Other than that, and the traffic jam on the Autobahn, its a snoozer thus far.

Seanachai: Come out, come out! Come out and play. It's an ME where we have yet to meet. Oh, I've got a peek at a few of his Brownies, hauling their boxes of cookies for sale, but nothing else has happened.

Crawdad: I'm working up the map now. After suitable force selection, prepare to meet a most timely demise. I can't think of a better holiday present to give myself. and no, it won't be an abortive attempt at a one turn wonder. After all, where's the sport in it? No, there wont be 10 Tigers held in reserve on this one. Your protracted absence deserves something better...

[CMplayer]

An update:

Hanns as the Germans is attacking a village held by the 82nd Airborne. One of the coolest computer picked setups I've seen. He's got Stugs, 120mm mortars and Volksgrenadier SMG squads. I've got spitwads, (oh and a few MMGs) but he's getting his butt thrashed all the same.

On my left flank about a platoon and some more of his guys got ambushed and took shelter in a two story wooden building, which was set on fire the next turn by some intrepid light mortar crews. Running out he would have been cut to pieces by the nearby pickets if it weren't for his arty arriving JUST IN TIME to save his butt. Comical situation, lots of running around and screaming on both sides. Because of the arty my squad had to bug out so it ran forward to a nearby church and got there just in time to kill each of his squads as they sought shelter in there piecemeal. Everywhere else it's a similar story. If he actually busts into the town I'll give the first Kraut a pina colada (before shooting the rest)

[Lars]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Lars has chosen the world's WORST map (rivers running uphill, bridges that have twenty feet of vertical height between them and the conencting road, etc., etc. Furthermore, the gamey bastiche had the temerity to blow up three of my tanks! Bastiche -- I'll do you for that! It's just a flesh wound!<hr></blockquote>

If you had a pair, you’d move your Sherman out of that little dip in the road and it would be four dead tanks.

BTW, if you look at the river from the OTHER direction, it does indeed run downhill.

[Moriarty]

If I understand MrPeng correctly, he was saying that AussieJeff is one of them DownUnder types, right?

Hearing nothing to the contrary, I must be right.

Ergo, we should let the Aussies assume full control and responsibility for him. As such, if he steps too far out of line, as noted by the Olde Ones and the Justicar, who stands in Lorak's stead, then we demote the senior Aussie Senior Knight, Goanna to Knight, then to serf, then to SSN, then Out.

Then we start with the next Aussie Senior Knight, etc., etc. Then, move to Knights. Then to any random Aussie hangers-on (Mace), then to the NZers ...

In this way, Seanachai achieves his goal of crushing the Southern Hemisphere. Eventually, they'll all be gone and we can start on the Euro-Scando cabal.

Of course, there is a slight possibility I may have misunderstood him.

[rune]

Misc Notes:

Croda- Use the 23.10 drivers and turn on 2x fsaa. Use the deanco mod if you have it. If you get any corruption, hit esc and come back in and it should clear. do NOT use the 23.11 under any circumstance. The wonderful world of Windows XP.

AussieJeff- You New Zealander want-a-be. Wake up and smell Mace's sheep. This is the Mutha Beautiful thread....we accept bribes here.

The rest of you stinking lot, may you dream of bauhaus visiting you while you are tied in a compromising position.

Rune

[BFCElvis]

Did I remember to call you all wankers?

[Lawyer]

Apparently, nobody missed me for the past week while I was in Chicago. Not good and not smart.

I'm making my 2002 list and checking it twice, I know you're all naughty, not nice. Lawyer hell is coming to town...

Ya bunch of feckin' Rat Bastards.

BTW, Croda, we didn't miss you, so go back to where you were.

MrSpkr, cut the crap about how many games you are "playing". Those of us who have suffered your perverted gaming style know the truth.

[Joe Shaw]

I have made my position crystal clear regarding the SSN in question and refuse to join the bleating crowd shifting first this way and then that way ... especially that way.

In other news, Seanachai has gained a hard won minor victory whilst I was unfairly and gamily pre-occupied with Real Life. He used Gamey tanks whilst I had none, he used Gamey heavy mortars whist I had none ... oh well maybe a COUPLE of crummy 120mm mortars, he used Gamey carriers whilst I had none and he Gamily assaulted right up the middle of the map whilst I EXPECTED him to drive up my right flank like the gamey bastiche he is. I mean is there anything MORE gamey than not doing what a Gamey player would do?

So, yes I lost, but I lost WELL. In honor of Lorak who is out somewhere collecting videotapes from houses just on the off chance ... (and in the meantime enhancing his collection with additions like "Gidget Sleeps Over On The U.S.S. Enterprise", a gripping Sci-Fi thriller featuring a young girl and her 534 Starfleet boy and girlfriends.

Joe Shaw - Extremely minor loss

Seanachai - Even more minor win

Joe

{edited once to make it look like I was responsible for the Chicago Fires and the second time just for jollies}

[ 12-13-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]</p>

[OGSF]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Speedy:

Ummm, whose shout is it?<hr></blockquote>

An' whas' ye story, ye email deficient crow eater? Ah've saint ye tha last turrrn aboot four times, an' at ne'er saims tae get through. Fix ye soddin' email an' let mah knoo whain ye've done at.

Bastaarrd!

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

PS Croda, ye kin kiss mah spotty arrse, laddie.

PPS Edited cos at's mah feckin' post an' Ah'll do wha' Ah leek wuth at.

[ 12-13-2001: Message edited by: OGSF ]</p>

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Moriarty:

If I understand MrPeng correctly, he was saying that AussieJeff is one of them DownUnder types, right?

Hearing nothing to the contrary, I must be right.

Ergo, we should let the Aussies assume full control and responsibility for him. As such, if he steps too far out of line, as noted by the Olde Ones and the Justicar, who stands in Lorak's stead, then we demote the senior Aussie Senior Knight, Goanna to Knight, then to serf, then to SSN, then Out.

Then we start with the next Aussie Senior Knight, etc., etc. Then, move to Knights. Then to any random Aussie hangers-on (Mace), then to the NZers ...<hr></blockquote>

Too complicated.

Why don't we just shoot Moriarty instead?

Mace

btw I have my Kniggit papers!

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mace:

Too complicated.

Why don't we just shoot Moriarty instead?

Mace

btw I have my Kniggit papers!<hr></blockquote> He's not Australian so I fail to see how that would help ... now if it was Stuka ...

Joe

[Stuka]

Ohh, now that hurt....that really hurt.

And after I purposely let you kill those two Tigers in our game too.

Roight! thats it! No more Mr nice Stuka for you, you....FIEND

[Stuka]

Now for something completely different.......

"A Kniggetts guide to etiquette"

(xi) Any Kniggett who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed or beaten by his fellow Kniggetts.

($) Under no circumstances may two Kniggetts share an umbrella.

(uno) It is OK for a Kniggett to cry under the following circumstances:

When a heroic dog dies to saves its master,

The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse,

One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into 'The Crying Game'.

(b/2) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a Kniggett out of jail within 24 hours.

(434) If you've known a Kniggett for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits for ever, unless you actually marry her.

(squiggle) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a Kniggett who is running late is 5 minutes. Maximum time is 6 minutes. For a female, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

(o) Bitching about the brand of fre beer in a Kniggetts fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

(3.1412) No Kiggett shall ever be required to buy a present for another Kniggett. Even remembering a Kniggett's birthday is optional.

(epsilon) When stumbling upon other Kniggetts watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score but never ask who's playing.

(+) It is permissable for a Kniggett to quaff a fruity chick drink only when your'e sunning on a tropical beach....and its delivered by a topless supermodel....and its free.

(88) Kniggetts don't let Kniggetts wear speedos....ever.

(zz-9) If a Kniggett's zipper is down, thats his problem--you didn't see nothin'.

(@3) Women who claim to 'love watching sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink beer.

(9^) A Kniggett must offer heartfelt and sincere condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who held its head into a ceiling fan.

(#7) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. Thats just plain mean.

(lz49) Never talk to another Kniggett in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptable nod is all the conversation you need.

"Here endeth the lesson"

(and look, no editing. Aren't I just the 'Uberest')

[MrSpkr]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lawyer:

Apparently, nobody missed me for the past week while I was in Chicago<hr></blockquote>

True enough.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>MrSpkr, cut the crap about how many games you are "playing". Those of us who have suffered your perverted gaming style know the truth.<hr></blockquote>

Hmm. What to say, what to say.

Ah yes -- "Piss off. You're starting to sound like a little school girl with all your whining."

Yes, that shall do nicely.

[ 12-14-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]</p>

[Hanns]

I'm not sure if CMPlayer's description of our game is spot on. He's neglecting to mention his 6000 points worth of machine guns and my drunken mistake of pausing a PSW in front of a 'zook. The burning house/arty/bloodbath was amusing to watch though. What he's failing to realize is that those SMG truppen are scouts and it was their job to die gloriously for the Fatherland. Yes, yes, they did run around like a group of little girls with overtight panties going into diabetic shock but it allowed to to drop 'splodey stuff on your airborne gits. Too bad the majority of the action in our game is merely my scouting force. Time will tell lad.

On to other entertaining things, my Liege Sir Lars shall be meeting me for a drink tonight at that most foul pit of debauchery known as Ground Zero. It shall be interesting to see if it puts the fear of god into him or a Berliesque smile at the sins of the flesh. Perhaps if he is feeling adventuresome I can introduce him to Mistress Jean and her closet of "toys". There is nothing like the sound of the crack of the whip upon flesh and the screams of pain to ring in the holidays. Surrounded by fellow lost souls and all perversion do I feel truly at home.

Hanns

P.S. My JABO! match with KevorkianJeff has ended with his annihilation. I would have killed more of his gits if I wasn't so drunk most nights when I got home that I merely hit "GO" and sent the file back. So let the record show

Hanns: 79 (so drunk I couldn't care most of the time)

PommieJeff: 21 (I didn't have enough ammo to kill all his gits)