Hanns

Greetings from the wastes, now do I heed the summons of Dame YK2, dare I brave the flaccid barbs and the insults of Tourette's poster children in order to post a <gasp> gamey non-game update! For it is I, Squire of Sir Lars, Grandsquire of the Lord High Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread Joe Shaw, provider of much fine Glüeks Dark beer to the Olde Ones in times of yore, incipient Thug of the MTB..... Hanns! On to the update, lads. My opponent appears to be brandishing a virtual armory of finely crafted German small arms but shows no understanding of cover or concealment. After prolonged skirmishing, the battle lines were drawn, the gauntlet thrown down and the tumultuous fray of hand to hand combat entered, the din of grappling combatants became a cacophony of screams and moans. After many hours of fierce struggle the contest was a draw! Repeat engagements in the near future have been preordained. Here are some screenshots of the conflict. Cheers! Hanns P.S. Someone make sure to re-start Seanachai's heart after he views these....

Fellow Cesspudlians, I drop this message into an empty Scotch bottle in hopes that by whatever whimsy it would make it's way to the far distant shores of the Cesspool. The text of said message doth read "My feckin' home compuker has been on the fritz. I've replaced the gott-damned power supply twice and it's still not un-busted. So no turns ya gits. Having to read email at work on a web based browser sucks Croda droppings. Plus the idjits in suits at my so-called job have dumped a huge friggin' project on my lap which has severly degraded my f**k off time at work. Hopefully the home compuker will be up and running next week after I get my paycheck thingey. Stop whining, ya sissy girls, yu'll get a feckin' turn in good order. That is all for now, Hanns" May gentle hands pluck this missive from the ether, break open the bottle upon your acne blemished visages, force feed you the broken glass and tattoo my words upon your unworthy backs. Cheers!

I just had a SPW 251 survive a 75mm penetration in a current game. Now he's looking for revenge!

Awww! Isn't that cute? There's a CMpatter echo just like the one in his head. Pitter, patter, there's raindrops dancing on your head. Probably because someone stole your cardboard box and the paint thinner buzz knocked you out cold. Maybe a band of roving Turks will take pity and find better living arrangements for you in the local "all men's" sauna. Enjoy! DonkeyspawnforwhichÜbergnomeslong I have forwarded the incriminating video clip to you. May you always cherish the times you had together and may the future hold many more bliss filled rolls in the hay. BTW I heard that a certain someone has a custom bridle, halter and riding crop on order at Sexworld just in time for Feb. 14th. You lucky donkey you! All the best, Hanns

Originally posted by my Noble GrandLiege Joe Shaw Well yes, I have been. Seem to have a nasty case of the bubbly lung Crodas. Nothing like coughing up a few buckets worth of blood specked phlegm to give the ol' lungs a workout. I've heard Berli performs the same alveoli voiding exercises but on a voluntary basis though. Turns and game updates will be forthcoming like so much infected sinopian sinus expectorant. If I hear so much as one whiney complaint from my narcissistic (Shandy Jeff), namby-pamby (Noba) and thoroughly nincompoopidic (CMsprayer) opponents about not sending turns for a while I shall mail you a nice gift consisting of a milk jug filled with savory biocontagious snot and a straw. A hearty wish of "Drink up boys" and the admonishment of "that which doesn't kill good ol' Hanns, must surely kill you, anyone who looks or dresses like you and their families too" should surely take the unpleasantness out of having to chew the chunky bits so they'll go down better. So Sodd Off!!!! ya pack of incestuous, xenonecrophilitic, gerbil rimming gits! Reading the late romantic adventures of the Garden Gnome and his flaccid asinine suitor have lead me to the conclusion that I have VIDEO-TAPED PROOF!!!! of their first date. Obviously I can't post it to this board but I'm willing to send it to anyone who requests it (unless of course you're a cop or government law enforcement agent). No, no, it's not some bootleg Amsterdam donkey show outtake and contains no more nudity nor naughtiness then you'd see on the Nature channel, it is nevertheless irrefutable proof of their romantic tryst. Disturbing at the least, feckin' hilarious at the best and a rare chance to see fellow Cesspudlians frolick in the pastures of love. Seems Valentines day is coming a bit early this year. Hanns P.S. Lars my noble Liege, that platoon you MURDERED in the woods was trying to have a nice, peaceful picnic but your alcohol deprived Amis killed them just to steal their schnapps rations. Don't think the boys in Geneva won't be hearing about this! [ February 04, 2002, 11:13 PM: Message edited by: Hanns ]

Originally posted by Berli <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> I'm...in....drag.... <hr></blockquote> Persephone!!!! Please fix or do somefink! I just puked all over the keyboard and monitor and I haven't even been drinking yet. Bad picture, bad man, go away, go away. I just keep wondering if it's the "naughty succubus" outfit..... Hanns

Dear CMSplatter, Most of my posts to the 'Pool are from work where I am bereft of CM:BO. I can only process turns at home after I go to the bar and barring the presence of young ladies in my domicile. Squid Pro Timpani (or some other incomprehensible Latin legalese) you get you turns in order of your importance in life, e.g., et al, et cetera last! Since I have a real life and you rank (and are rank) below the mildew in my shower or the dust bunnies under the bed you're gonna have to wait ya git. Blubber like a baby with filled diapers in need of a good, swift kick to the head and I'll ignore you more. To my other erstwhile opponents rest easy that you'll get your turns before CMSputterer but after I get my bed fixed and the dirty clothes picked up. To my most noble and kind Liege, Sir Lars, uhh... turns being sent right away your lordship. Is there anything else I can do? Kick a few SSNs in the teeth or somefink? Figure out a way to draw and quarter Donkeydumb using hamsters? Hanns

Bwahahaha!!! Fire ant mound and a stick anyone?? Watch them scuttle forth with their insignificant indignity and bravely assault the focus of their ire. Just stirring the Cess a bit and hoping the SSN chunky bits float back from whence they came. At least I'm not Elvis..........

Well, I probably stepped in it this time. I'd say nice knowing you sacks of regurgitated incestuous flaming arse bandits but truth be told I'd rather have a case of weeping Croda sores on my bum than say somefink like that. The Mad Bald One will be crushing me like the acne oilwells you gits call faces for remarks on another thread. Goodbye drool world! To sleep, perchance to dream of CM:BB........... Hanns

Man I'm either gonna get banned or my copy of CM:BB will arrive as mulch but here goes. If BigTime Software et al. does indeed use Madmatt for modeling the running rate of HMG42s then it begs the question of what fitness level is he portraying??? Ouch!! Hey stop, it's a joke man! Ouch!! I apolo <BZZZTTTT................> Click

Originally posted by Berli <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> I can think of few things as vile tasting as sheep. <hr></blockquote> bauhaus??

Originally posted by yakfurball <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> offer of Leprous Suspiciously-gay Flacid Donkey <hr></blockquote> Listen here SSN, the club I work at already has a S&M donkey. Well, it's more of a pony and he gives rides to properly attired women. His mistress is one mean b*tch and that's meant in a good way. I heard something about him having his own corral to sleep in or somefink like it. All of which HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! It's humorous and all but I shall swat down your pityful brayings like the insignifigant horsefly (donkey, whatever) that you are. Maybe Germanboy (wink, wink) will take pity and find you a nice new adoptive home in an Amsterdam donkey show. Or maybe just send you off to the slaughterhouse. I vote for the second and would like to see the look on the face of the Frenchman who ends up with you on his plate. Perhaps noting the suckiness of your posts they would send you to the glue factory. Imagine the looks on the cherubic little faces of kindergardeners when they get a new tub of donkeyglue, end up eating it and develop Inane Donkey Rambling Syndrome. One can only hope. Hanns

It seems that my GrandLiege has returned bearing with him a title in need of a suitable recipient. The title in question is Large, Vicious, Amoral Thug Now, I ask if this title was not created especially for me then I would have to believe in Fate or somefink. All points of description doth pertain to my humble self. Large Since I'm just shy of 2 meters in height I more than qualify. I've since put on a few pounds over my damn skinny Army weight of 17 stones. Also my current battle with Nobo(dy) is indeed quite large. It will be entertaining to watch to bodies of his Canucks floating in the mire. His sporatic arty fire on undefended woods is amusing. Vicious Oh, indeed I am. A favorite blow off line when working at the bar is "I don't smile unless I'm hurting people" which is all too true. The sensation of pounding someone's face into a brick wall and asking them "Are you alright sir?" and repeating it until they stop answering is a wonderful thing. The battle between myself and CMPlatter is also showing this level of viciousness. Something about his 800 points of MGs and the billiard table my troops are advancing over brings back memories of WWI and I don't even have the option to use mustard gas on his airborne gits. The body count on this little bit of scarlet greens will be impressive indeed. Amoral My Liege Sir Lars can attest to this bit. Can one truly be of moral purity when he tries to hook his Liege up with a pre-op transexual at the local bondage bar? Enuff said methinks. Our current game of Combat Mission involves lots of things running around, sound contacts and a couple of screams here and there. Sounds like another night at the bar if you ask me. and lastly Thug Who else but a malicious bastard would kick sand in the face of one so gentle and unassuming as ShandyJeff? His eloquent flowery posts and inner feminine stirrings will be violently crushed under the hob nailed boots of my übertruppen in the little abortion of a scenario we are competing in. I'm afraid that he will act in typical XX chromosome fashion and lie, steal, cheat or cry with puffy eyes to try and win. Unfortunately these fall on deaf ears and cold ground. A title such as this is not merely given but earned by it's merits. If recognized for my efforts I shall put the fear of the Justicariate into the mewling souls of the legion of SSNs that have infested the Cesspool of late. I stand ready! Hanns

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> Again, the primary weapon here was a long spear, which was braced under the right arm, and layed diagonally across the horse to the left side. <hr></blockquote> I thought this style of spear or lance use was invented by William of Marshall. The Bayeax tapestries show the Norman "knights" fighting with the spear held over hand. This would have been even more important with the lack of stirrups due to the inability to stand or strongly brace oneself in the saddle. If someone could post some examples or links to the opposite I would be very interested. Thanks, Hanns

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> BTW is it true that the Sherman's sloped glacis was actually designed to deflect small British motorcars whilst driving on the right side of the road in Cornwall? <hr></blockquote> I heard that Rexford was going to add an addendum to his book covering this precise problem. Seems that although plagued by inferior electrical systems the British cars aerodynamic shape proved a superb penetrator of the thin frontal armor on Shermans. I believe the Brit's were so astonished by this they started development on the 2600 lber cannon that fired cars. Apparently they had heard of the Thor and Fritz cannons that could fire a shell "the size of a Volkswagon" and thought they could build something better. Unfortunately there weren't enough Bren tripods to mount these monstrosities on and the project was cancelled Hanns Edited to mention that I wish my father still had his '57 XK140E [ 01-08-2002: Message edited by: Hanns ]</p>