If I Said You Had a Beautiful Peng Challenge Would You Hold It Against Me?

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Dear Joe

Please remove your cess-stained, foggy glasses and WIPE them before re-reading the [heavily emphasised]ALL[/heavily emphasised] BTS FORUM'S HOAX Award post - AGAIN!

Do I have to explain it AD INFINITUM??? ... sigh So, READ MY LIPS very carefully, Herr Justicar : Only those members posting in the last two official PENG Challenge MBT's were considered WORTHY of CONSIDERATION for inclusion in this prestigous award. I could have included ALL the posters in ALL the BTS forums, but NO!!. Out of GREAT RESPECT for my fellow scumbags, I limited the contenders to ONLY THOSE POSTING IN THE LAST TWO MBT'S!! In any case, those posting in NON-PENG threads would clearly not generate enough HOtAirXtreme to be worthy. Now that seems a FAIR ENOUGH qualification to me ......

The post statistics determining YOUR place on the HOAX Award Ladder cover ALL your posts on ALL BTS forums to date, for the bleeding obvious reasons aforementioned by Moi.

Have a nice day, pudlers

AJ

[ 12-11-2001: Message edited by: AussieJeff ]</p>

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>The post statistics determining YOUR place on the Award Ladder cover ALL your posts on ALL BTS forums to date, for the bleeding obvious reasons aforementioned by Moi.<hr></blockquote> What IS the matter with this childe? Does he not realize that the ONLY posts that COUNT are those made to the MBT? I tell you lads, the SSNs these days are just getting more and more dense.

Joe

[Stuka]

Kids these days eh, Joe?

No respect for their betters.

Lets do golf.

[BFCElvis]

BLOODY HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally got back up and running and now have technical problems. One of you geeks get over to the tech support forum and answer my post and do somefink.

[AUSSIEJEFF]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Stuka:

Kids these days eh, Joe?

No respect for their betters.

Lets do golf.<hr></blockquote>

Childe indeed! Harumph!! You flamin' whippersnappers!!

Only kids play golf.

As a granddad at 50 summers of age (yeah, 50 - you heard RIGHT mister!) with a stuffed back, I can tell you MY flogging days are over. Anyone fer TiddlyWinks at 30 paces instead??

So, the question is now raised - how old are the rest of you young Aussie bucks? Anyone over 30?? Hmmm??? Be honest now ..... no fibs, y'hear?

Ye Anciente Aussie

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by AussieJeff:

As a granddad at 50 summers of age (yeah, 50 - you heard RIGHT mister!) <hr></blockquote>

50?!!!

That puts you up there with Mephus... I mean Joe Shaw and Mephusa...I mean Seanachai.

Regardless, I shouldn't be talking to you. Mum always said "Mace, me boy! MACE, GET YOU HEAD OUT OF THE PLAYBOY AND PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!! *gives clip around ears*

Just be wary of anyone 7 years or older than you...you can't trust 'em!" *gives another clip around ears just for the hallibut*

Mace

[phil stanbridge]

Thank the lord. I've finally been penged.

[MrPeng]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by phil stanbridge:

Thank the lord. I've finally been penged.<hr></blockquote>

Oh no you haven't.

[AUSSIEJEFF]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mace:

50?!!!

That puts you up there with Mephus... I mean Joe Shaw and Mephusa...I mean Seanachai.

Regardless, I shouldn't be talking to you. Mum always said "Mace, me boy! MACE, GET YOU HEAD OUT OF THE PLAYBOY AND PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!! *gives clip around ears*

Just be wary of anyone 7 years or older than you...you can't trust 'em!" *gives another clip around ears just for the hallibut*

Mace<hr></blockquote>

[mirth] Now, now Mace me lad ........ no need to be afraid - I've got a nice big bag of boiled lollies in me pocket fer ye... [/mirth]

Ye Anciente Aussie

[phil stanbridge]

Please.. Somebody Peng me... I'm gagging...

[CMplayer]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by phil stanbridge:

Please.. Somebody Peng me... I'm gagging...<hr></blockquote>

Do you usually gag? Sorry but that just won't do...

[Herr Oberst]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by AussieJeff:

As a granddad at 50 summers of age (yeah, 50 - you heard RIGHT mister!) with a stuffed back, I can tell you MY flogging days are over.<hr></blockquote>

I thought you guys were talking about golfing, not your own personal problems AJ.

Is it that little willie doesn't work anymore, or bursitis in the shoulder from too much?

Sheesh. Remember, "post like you got a pair", not about the pair you can't use anymore...

[ 12-11-2001: Message edited by: Herr Oberst ]</p>

[Lars]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Having spent DAYS trolling thru the last few stinking OFFICIALPENG MBT's conducting INTENSE and MEANINGFUL research, as of 11am Perth Time, I have pleasure in announcing the WINNER of this year's All BTS Forums' HOAX Award (HOt Air Xtreme): <hr></blockquote>

Shaw, you go ahead and point out the fact that if you’re going to go back and read the last few incarnations of the MBT, you would think only the posts therein would count.

The whole thing smacks of grogginess anyway.

{sigh} Now if he would only read the first few incarnations of the MBT.

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lars:

Shaw, you go ahead and point out the fact that if you're going to go back and read the last few incarnations of the MBT, you would think only the posts therein would count.

The whole thing smacks of grogginess anyway.

{sigh} Now if he would only read the first few incarnations of the MBT.<hr></blockquote>

No, no, I insist Lars, I think it should be you who points out that IF some tiresome git is going to shuffle through (though OBVIOUSLY not READ) the last few MBTs in order to discover ... something, not sure what, then they should only count those posts which matter, specificially those IN the MBT.

Although I think you have a damned good point about it being unseemly and groggly. After all, one is either OF the CessPool or one is NOTHING. Do we disparage Agua Perdido (I'm NOT done damnit) BECAUSE of the paucity of his posts? Well ... yes, but that's not the point. It does rather remind one of Bertinelli hardness and those damned "L" numbers they toss about on the guns doesn't it?

Oh, I note with interest that he now claims to be of a like age with ME of all people. I find it yet another example of the inadeqacy of Australian education (as if we NEEDED another example) that you have a 50 year old whose stuff READS like he's 17 ... a particularly dull witted 17 year old mind.

Further I can but deplore his attitude toward the game of games, i.e. Golf. Bad back or no, Golf is Golf and NOT, thank Gawd, Australian Rules Football.

So ... go right ahead Lars, I have full confidence in you. Btw, has my GrandSquire ponied up with any photos of these lasses he's taken up with lately? I, uh, find it my duty as his GrandSire to ... uh ... advise him on his choices.

Joe

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by phil stanbridge:

I'm gagging...<hr></blockquote>

We'd settle for just gagged

Run along now, and don't forget...

SOD OFF!

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by AussieJeff:

Having spent DAYS trolling thru the last few stinking OFFICIALPENG MBT's conducting INTENSE and MEANINGFUL research, as of 11am Perth Time, I have pleasure in announcing the WINNER of this year's All BTS Forums' HOAX Award (HOt Air Xtreme):

]<hr></blockquote>

Geez, it's back. Somebody shoot me.

[Slapdragon]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by AussieJeff:

Childe indeed! Harumph!! You flamin' whippersnappers!!

<hr></blockquote>

Well, being over 30, I would agree with you except I feel firmly and strongly that you are not really 50 years old, but 10 years old and forced to repeat the tenth year 40 times. There of course has always been a saying, that an idiot on the forum is OK, and an SSN is fine in its place, but an ssn that is also an idiot in an unforgiveable sin.

Baaaa House, you need to give me a time and place, and send Peng a check for $59 for your wish to be fufilled. Wear something bright.

[Lars]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Btw, has my GrandSquire ponied up with any photos of these lasses he's taken up with lately? I, uh, find it my duty as his GrandSire to ... uh ... advise him on his choices.<hr></blockquote>

No, but he did point out that tomorrow night is something called “Foam Wrestling” at that den of perversion he is working in. This may bear further investigation to be sure it sinks to the low standards we have here and that the lad isn’t being led into a Maceian level of degradation.

[Agua Perdido]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Do we disparage Agua Perdido BECAUSE of the paucity of his posts?<hr></blockquote>

No, you doddering old git, we disparage me because of the paucity of my turns, in both the frequency of their arrival and the skill contained therein. Do you have any idea how much effort it takes for me to not play CM as much as I don't? Obviously not, as someone who returns moves on occasion, and is clearly guilty of plotting the activities of the pixelated warriors within. What of our game, eh?

In our most recent flailing with Berli's little tragi-comedy, your squads of crack Canuckleheads dash from cover to cover, looking to achieve local fire superiority over my pack of trembling Cub Scouts, as the Shermans of Doom creep up to provide DF HE after the infantry has cleared the lanes. You even use smoke, you gamey bastard. And what have I done? I hold on to each turn for at least two weeks before ordering my troops to run around in circles, going, "nik-nik-nik-nik-nik."

The paucity of my posting here is a brilliant stealth taunt that displays the depths of my loathing for you for all to see. Was your sponsorship of me as a squire misguided? Am I just a fly-by-night Cesspool punter? Feeling the little nigglings of doubt as to your true ability as Drain Commissioner when I slack off like some of the lesser agglomerations of absent floaty bits [COUGHCrodaCOUGH]? Was the whole thing a waste, leaving you only a Lear-esque torment of filial ingratitude? I hope so.

Now, send me my feckin' turn so I can get busy not returning it. That goes for you, too, jdmorse, AND you, stevethe-horrible-smelly-little-rat-faced-git.

Agua Perdido

[Edited to go, "nik-nik-nik-nik-nik," which is what you have to do if you want to get anything done in this country...]

[ 12-11-2001: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]</p>

[CMplayer]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

First of all, if by mountainous, did you mean the large ridge just out of my set-up zone that hid your troops until within hand-grenade range?<hr></blockquote>

Oh is that why my infantry was getting strafed by quad flaks along practically their whole approach?

And did you consider _moving_ any of your guys a few meters forward into that juicy cover? Or did you consider _covering_ the defilades with indirect fire weapons? No no no, there are no excuses for your miserable failure. You're simply...you...you're a {*sputter*} STATIC DEFENDER! There I said it. Whew!..that feels a lot better.

By village, did you mean the cluster of hooches that was the target of a 20 turn 150mm and higher arty barrage?

Yes and I especially mean the two-story hooch in the rubble of which I found the battered remains of your 120mm mortar spotter. Pick a less obvious spot next time; I'm a human, not the AI.

Oh and by reinforced company, you mean reinforced by the freaking 1st armoured division, charging forward with M10s, Priests, and a few M4(105)'s for luck??

Yes, that's what I mean be 'reinforced'. A few mobile peashooters to help out with tough spots, and make some *boom* *boom*. All firing in concert they sort of put an end to resistance by SMG squads, jolly ho! And luck is the wrong word for it. 'Methodical' would be more like it.

I consider this loss to be an insult and a slap in the face,

Well I can't argue with you there. Consider yourself spat on as well.

and I DEMAND A RECOUNT!! Failing that (you're prolly a Republican too, I've read your posts made outside the asteroid belt -- 7-Eleven indeed) then I demand a re-match!!!!!

Why, my heavens no! Where did you get the idea I'm one of those quaint, what do you call them, Republicans? Just because I posted asking for a cherry slurpie from 7-11? FYI I'm a Social Democrat. They're a pretty slushy party, rather creepy actually, but I'm fond of them for romantic reasons relating to their heroic days back in the 1920s and 30s.

I will not be satisfied until my superior quality troops have reduced you to a blubbering pool of kittens mewling for mama...

Superior quality troops and equipment isn't enough, you have to play them in a superior manner as well.

This time, its gonna be ALL puppchens and flakveirlings, forget that SMG crap!

I honestly don't care what you buy. I don't have time for another game. I've been turning down offers. But just to show thee how much I loathe thee I will make an exception and drive you from the map at whatever the necessary cost in terms of income, grades family harmony and pixellated Tommys. In fact, I think I'll only spend about half my points, in case you have some kind of gamey ricket attack planned for my setup zone. All I need are a few good men, and a proper tank or two to eviscerate this windbag.

[Seanachai]

Ahem. To my many, deeply treasured opponents. Turns might be a little slow for a day or two here, as I've suffered an unplanned interruption of my phone service. Well, actually, the phone company seems to have planned it, but I certainly didn't. However, the payment we've been arguing about has turned up under the front passenger seat of my car, so I imagine they were correct in their repeated assertions that I was, at best, confused.

Soon as we sort out a few details, I will resume sending turns.

[Herr Oberst]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

... However, the payment we've been arguing about has turned up under the front passenger seat of my car, so I imagine they were correct in their repeated assertions that I was, at best, confused.

...<hr></blockquote>

You might be an easier opponent than I thought, which is a hard standard to fall to, Sean-a-chai-tea-latte. One of these days, after sufficient scuffing of the foot on the ground, bashful looks, and sincere groveling on your part, I * might * take it upon myself to show you what your computer is good for, other than losing to me in CM.

You see, computers were invented to release us from the drudgery of everyday life. Like... what?

* listens *

No, no, no! That wouldn't work well at all. You still have to wipe your bottom after you go. Computers don't fix that kind of drudgery. You'll have to grow up sooner or later.

Now, where was I? Oh yes, computers can do things like pay your bills for you. You set them up once, and they can pay the bill on a monthly basis, while all you have to do is type in the proper amounts each month.

That would leave you more time for personal hygiene, and finally get rid of that pervasive smell that always seems to follow you around.

And given your speed in returning turns, and our relative worthiness, if you took a week to return a turn, that means that my turn is due back to you sometime after the spring thaw...

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

However, the payment we've been arguing about has turned up under the front passenger seat of my car, so I imagine they were correct in their repeated assertions that I was, at best, confused.<hr></blockquote>

That's what you get for using a car instead of pixie dust (or whatever the Hell Gnomes use for transportation)

[Hamstersss]

I say we trade Agua to the Yankees, I have a feeling Rocket Clemens could post a better taunt, though I'm not sure how he'd type out those spittle lined obscenities. Of course, for Agua we'd only get a couple no-name prospects and a that mangy dog Torre found when coming home from the drug-addled hell that is the current broadway smash, gay-acting-straight-acting-gay Nathan Lane and Matthew 'I'm not Michael J Fox' Broderick.

Hell, who thought Agua would survive without being sent back down to the minors for a couple years? I remember the good old days, when Andreas was pulling middle relief for the Indiana City Cesspooliganders, he really showed some improvement, though his biting sarcasm is still a little soft.

Is Tony Dorsett dead? Well, if he isn't, he will be as soon as he sees how his son tackles.

And this CMPlayer, good god in heaven, can't someone get rid of those damned smilies over there?! Is this necessary?! I'm sitting here, happy go lucky, about to tear into CMPlayer like Peng into a bag of Puffy-brand puffed toad ovaries and all I can do is see poor little confused smilie and his friends, constipated smilie, constipated gay smilie, constipated queer smilie, constipated blind smilie, constipated poorly dentured smilie, constipated shot his eye out just like his mother told him he would smilie and a whole load of equally obscene equally constipated smilies. I know, improper use of commas in that string of damned dirty smilies but what's a guy supposed to do? Too many descriptions and I don't know what the semi-colon rule is, what am I the Greek god of grammar? Maybe I am but that would mean I'd know about writing GREEK, you nincompoop, not English.

Well, then again, I never thought half these bastards would survive. Naturally I'm waiting for the lot of you, who I still owe turns to, to die off so I can claim victory. I'm only here to find out about a Dodge 1-ton ammo carrier, so still no turns from me. But enough about my exciting life, let's talk about the current crop of interesting Cess.

So, now that we're done with that, anybody watching football? No, you damned continental, not bloody freakin' soccer, football! Ok, that said, I've just received an E-mail from HotStacy23148, saying I can re-fi on my condo.

Notation - Does anyone else realize how woefully apropros my signature seems now?

[Hanns]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by GeriatricJeff

I'm so old I fart dust. Stop putting Bengay in my colostomy bag. Has anyone seen my dentures? MATLOCK! I want more Matlock!<hr></blockquote>

Fellow 'Poolers, behold the tragic horror of senile dementia. As the mind looses grasp on reality and reverts back to younger, more happy times instead of the cold, harsh prison of the nursing home. It's a sad day indeed when patients in hospice care are allowed to waste away their last few years on the internet instead of pursuing more meaningful activities like naps. Fear not DependsJeff, I know a doctor who can help you in these last confusing days. We know that between bouts of hallucinations brought on by the arsenic your family keeps feeding you and the joys of dressing up as Mrs. Claus during Christmas that the rest of the time is mostly a blur. Out of the kindness of my heart I will help you. No, no, I don't need to be added to your will or anything (besides the lawyers said you're incompetant anyways) I shall provide the name of a good doctor. I know you have a hard time remembering things so I'll write it down for you.

Dr. Jack Kevorkian

Tell him you want the full "treatment" post haste. No, you don't have to dress up for it and I'm sure that the splendid socialized medicine in Ozztralia will pay for most of the cost. While the light fades from your eyes I will stand at your bedside and wish you a fair adieu

Sodd off you git!

It's the least I can do.

Hanns

[ 12-11-2001: Message edited by: Hanns ]</p>