For whom the Peng Challenges

[Panzer Leader]

Hey Perdido are you still claiming that whining, insufferable puke Dean is your man? After last night's embarrasment, I wouldn't ever be able to face Rorie again, sheesh: "But what will we do when you go away to Harvard? Poor me, I have to go to community college! Waah!" Looks like next week is "Focus on Jess"week. Now why do I have a feeling he won't be so obnoxious?

I would enjoy being able to berate you mercilessly for your lack command ability, however the Justicar and the Boogie-Knight seem to be at some sort of impasse. Apparently, Ol' foul Joe is putting so many restrictions, addendums, clauses, and conditions into this set-up, that Red-Belly Smurfachai is completely unable to meet the standards. Its just the usual Justicar tactic, which will no doubt give you a huge bonus.

I am however confident that whatever bonus you get, I will still annhiliate you, for as I sad before I fight for "Truth, freedom, beauty, and love, above all, love!"

[Lars]

What to do, what to do?

Go over to a friend's, who is a executive chef, for a dinner of barbecue ribs and jalopeno corn bread, washed down with a fine malt beverage, all in front of a big screen T.V. showing the defeat of the hated Anaheim Angels?

Or stay at home and process turns?

Only my opponents know the answer.

SSN Hint Of The Day: Cut people off in the middle of their sentences.

Now sod off.

[Hakko Ichiu]

<big><big>Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me!</big></big>

Another year passes and in its wake I am reminded just how superior I am to the sorry lot of you (Ladies of the Pool excepted, of course). And what a year it's been: Grog-Porn™, decapitated poolboys, the release of CMBB. Who could ask for more? Well, maybe timely turns from our very own Justicar, Jo Xia, but that's about as likely as world peace, an end to hunger, and the Red Sox winning the pennant.

No presents please, since I hardly expect anything like courtesy, refinement, taste, discernment, or cerebral activity from what is, in the final analysis, a huge assemblage of spiritual toejam. Of course if someone wanted to send me a poolboy to decapitate it would be much appreciated.

Turns will come out when I can get to them, but my in-laws are in town all week. Talk about birthday presents.

[Andreas]

Happy birthday you rightwing nutter. Now where's my fecking turn. Your in-laws being British gits, I am sure they won't mind having a cup of tepid tea while we get down to business.

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Malakovski:

An Ode to Old Foul Joe

----------------------

The Justicar walked to a bar

to find a glass of brew.

The Keep stood up and filled his cup

with rare old mountain dew.

"What's in that pot, you bloody sot?"

the Justicar did say.

"Of the finest stuff I've never enough

that they do brew in Tay."

"It tastes like piss," the cur did hiss,

his eyes shot through with blood.

"You don't like that, then have this vat

of peaty moss and mud."

And so he ate, and cleaned his plate,

then was on his way.

To bugger sheep, catch some sleep,

and thus complete his day.

Oh my GAWD ... that was truly horrid and has found, I'm pleased to see, ZERO approval by the cadre of the CessPool.

Seanachai ... you've a man's work ahead of you with this one, no error there. And DO explain to him that it's Harv and Mace who have the penchant for sheep.

Malakovski, don't attempt this sort of travesty again until you can approach MY classic posted below. Yes it is full of inside references that you won't be able to fully appreciate but the QUALITY will be apparent to even so dim a bulb as you:

The Justicar At The Bar

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the CessPool team that day;

The Justicar had done his best but it might not win the play;

For Lawyer pulled out all the stops, he lied, bribed and cheated,

He'd do it all, just to see, the Justicar defeated.

The jury had grown restless, with too much of a good thing;

They'd had a surfeit, so it seemed, of the stenographic fling.

How bravely our Lord Lorak stood up under the stress,

Of the weighty and substantial charms beneath Miss Rose's dress.

And as she shifted, yet again, and crossed a shapely limb,

The eyes of Lorak seemed to cross, and tears began to brim.

And it was then, upon that sight, that a plan so full of guile,

Formed in the mind of the Justicar, that he began to smile.

As Lawyer prosed yet on and on, back teeth began to float,

The Justicar waved Bailiff o'er and handed him a note.

The eyes of Lars widened, he tumbled to the plot,

And he slipped out from the courtroom, then broke into a trot.

Lawyer finally finished and sat down with curled lip sneer,

A full acquittal of his lads was bought for price so dear.

Cash had been dispensed, it seemed, and paid to one and all,

The guilty then would both be free and mighty Peng would fall

Then from the throats of those assembled was heard a lusty roar,

It rumbled through the CessPool and scared the outerboard.

The grogs they hid behind a glacis, or fled in armored car,

For at last the noble Justicar was advancing on the bar.

There was ease in Joe Shaw's manner as he walked to his place;

There was pride in Joe Shaw's bearing, a smile upon his face,

And when, responding to the cheers, he waved a lit cigar,

'Twas clear to all assembled, twas the Justicar At The Bar.

He waited then, for just a moment, 'till each and every eye,

Was focused there on only him, to wait on his reply.

"May it please the CessPool," he began in honeyed voice,

"It seems that I've neglected, to give Your Lordship choice!"

"A choice?" asked Lorak warily, for he knew of no such thing,

"What choice is now before me, but the fate of he named Peng?"

And then the doors reopened, and Lars re-entered then,

And said, "Milord, it's all prepared, shall the video begin?"

"The video?" asked Lorak, confusion on his face,

"What video is this Sir Joe, how bears it on the case?"

"All will be clear, My Lordship, if I may just proceed?"

The Justicar responded, and Lorak did agree.

The lights were dimmed and on the screen the video took shape,

The camera in the courtroom, had caught it all on tape.

Lord Lorak's eyes drifting, from Lawyer to Miss Rose,

As she heaved a sigh and he could see, from her neck down to her toes.

And wriggling round and round and round, there upon his thighs,

She was primed and ready, for whatever might arise.

And Lorak could be noted, to ensure that she not slip,

To grasp and grope with hand or two around her perfect hips.

"Stop the tape!" cried Lorak aloud, the crowd responded, "NO!"

They who’d suffered bombastic prose deserved a little show.

But the Justicar raised a hand and the video suddenly ceased,

The lights came back and with the lights the crowd's wrath was released

But Justicar cut through the noise with voice that thundered out,

"This disrespect for Lord Lorak, it's simply not allowed.

Lord Lorak's labored long and hard, this trial to oversee,

Is he to be derided for the girl upon his knee?"

"It's not as if," continued he, " these scenes be viewed by all.

'tis a matter to be held, close within these walls.

And none should dare to e'en suggest that his spouse he'd cheat upon

What WAS her name again milord ... ah yes, the fair C'est Bon.

'twould be a shame, a pity true if e'er she viewed this tape,

That leg, perhaps, just might not be the LAST bone that would break.

But, milord, you need not fret, nor worry about that fate,

The Justicar, I promise you, has each and every tape.

And now, My Lord, if pleases you, I've a case to plead,

For a verdict directed by you, and a punishment agreed.

The jury would find them guilty, that's the verdict that they'd bring,

They'd restore that which was stole, the name of he that's Peng.

And so. My Lord, I leave to you the choice that you must choose.

If Peng is to retain his name, the tapes I might just lose.

But if he isn't known as Peng and right soon too I fear,

Who knows where all those copies ... might suddenly appear.

Oh somewhere in this Pool of Cess, sadness reigns tonight,

Peng is found now nowhere, and no one fights his fight.

But you can bring him back Milord, with heart both true and stout,

And I KNOW you'll rule correctly, the Justicar has no doubt.

[Nidan1]

Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:

[QB]<big><big>Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me!</big></big>

____________________________________________________

Don't worry there will be no presents from me, it is surprising to me that invertebrates live this long.

[Joe Shaw]

Many happy returns Hakko Ichiu ... whatever the hell that means.

And if you'd do me the honor of actually checking your inbox you might note a turn sent by me on Oct. 6th to your own fine self.

Enjoy the in-laws {snicker}.

Joe

[Panzer Leader]

Old poem re-hash time? COol!

<bigLost Me Yarbles</big>

On a warm and starry night in June

As I slept beneath a Moorish Moon

I tossed and turned and dream't o' cats

Clawing at me underpants

I woke in the dew-dropp'd brisky dawn

Me codpiece beside me on the lawn

Strange, bethinking last night's glory

Don't recall being whorey

'Twas a quiet night, with one windfAll

A rare gift from me lord of Alcohol

Never had he been so kind

Told me to drink until I was blind

Now a strange sensation had me lurching

A hand crept down frantically searching

I look'd and let out a garbled yell

To find I lost me yarbles swell

In place o' the object I'd come to adore

Was a length o' plaster, flacid at the core

Where once hung a pair o' trophy's round

Nary dangled e'en a trinket to be found

Visions came flooding into me mind

A knife, a curse, a shot, I whine'd

Me master must be saved! I thought

As I rush to make sure he was injured naught

He smiled as I staggered past

A knife in hand he broke his fast

I watch'd and stood on teetering legs

Me Master cut into a pair o' eggs

"So ye lost yer yarbles eh last night?

I fought but in the end they're right

E'en though I raised ye like a son in me house

With this deed now done yer not a man but a mouse"

Saying such he raised the bit o' egg to his mouth

As I pondered the future and headed south

'Twas where I'd try to find me yarbles if I can

And go from being a mouse to a man

So, Nada1, yer a serf, eh? OK, as your first duty, I lay on you a quest, a geas if you will: LEARN HOW TO USE THE FECKIN QUOTES!!!!

[Marlow]

Pardon my intrusion, but what is this “Challenge Ping” thread for anyway? For that matter, what is Peng, and how do you challenge one? Why does BTS allow this junk to pollute the front page of its forum anyway? Shouldn’t it be in the General forum where it can be properly ignored. Also, what is with the sheep, donkeys and gnomes? Shouldn’t you creeps take this stuff to the “alt.perverts” newsgroup, instead of wasting my time?

Personally, I think that this Pang stuff should be outlawed, since it probably caused the forum to shut down yesterday, and I couldn’t check up on the latest Tiger tank optics thread. Think about all the bandwidth and hard drive space this crappy thread takes up.

If it is going to stay here, can I join the club?

Thanks for your attention.

[Geier]

Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:

Talk about birthday presents.

Happy birthday you sod.

Either James Ellroy (bolded because anyone who can write a 700 page novel on the Mob/Howard Hughes/Heroin/CIA/Vietnam/the MLK/RFK murders with 3.74 words a sentence that you can dance to simply deserves it) will write a novel about you or I'm gonna send you a Ostfront setup.

Oh, you could just cut the tension with a machete.

[ October 09, 2002, 12:35 PM: Message edited by: Geier ]

[Marlow]

Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:

<big><big>Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me!</big></big>

Happy birthday Sneezy.

[Geier]

Originally posted by Andreas:

you rightwing nutter.

Ach so, he is back from ze Eyetalian front ja? Hoths memoirs is in the trustworthy hands of the Swedish Mail even as we speak. Send us a setup at your inconvenience.

[Papa Khann]

Malapropism, you bombastic lackwit, a setup of Joe's latest torture device has been sent your way. I'd blather on for a bit about how I am about to exercise my superior tactical awareness upon you, but being that this is another one of Joe's self-indulgent creations, what's the use? No doubt we'll both be beset by earthquakes, tornadoes, and tsunami before we ever leave our setup zones. The good news is, the pain is only slated to last for two turns (unless the craven ol' buggerer has figured a way to crib the turn counter too... I wouldn't put anything past him).

Oh by the way, Joe, we're running low on cheese dip again. Could you wander over to aisle 12 and slip some under your... er, I mean, pick some up on your way back to the castle tonight?

Papa

[Nidan1]

Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

</font><blockquote>code:</font><hr /><pre style="font-size:x-small; font-family: monospace;"> Nada1, yer a serf, eh? OK, as your first duty, I lay on you a quest, a geas if you will: LEARN HOW TO USE THE FECKIN QUOTES!!!!</pre>

[dalem]

Originally posted by Marlow:

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

You guys hear something?

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Marlow:

Pardon my intrusion, but what is this “Challenge Ping” thread for anyway? For that matter, what is Peng, and how do you challenge one? Why does BTS allow this junk to pollute the front page of its forum anyway? Shouldn’t it be in the General forum where it can be properly ignored. Also, what is with the sheep, donkeys and gnomes? Shouldn’t you creeps take this stuff to the “alt.perverts” newsgroup, instead of wasting my time?

Personally, I think that this Pang stuff should be outlawed, since it probably caused the forum to shut down yesterday, and I couldn’t check up on the latest Tiger tank optics thread. Think about all the bandwidth and hard drive space this crappy thread takes up.

If it is going to stay here, can I join the club?

Thanks for your attention.

My dear Marlow, which is to say, of course, you flaming idiot Marlow or even Where Did You Misplace Your Mind THIS Time Marlow.

Your pathetic attempt to ensnare the gullible youth of the CessPool by pretending to be an SSN (we should BE so lucky) has failed ... but then we expected no better of YOU.

Joe

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by PondScum:

That'd be Papa Kahn, and yes, his mortar-round-attracting 222's featured prominently in the battle for Cemetery Hill. Also featuring prominently were a lot of dead Germans (his), and a lot of happy vodka-swilling Russians (mine). If the rest of June '41 is as easy as this, comrades, we'll be in Berlin by August!

(In all seriousness, that scenario might just be a tad unbalanced in favor of the defender. By the merest of smidgens, a trifle here and a hairs-breadth there. Oh, and probably a company short. Anyway, how the bastage managed to scrape together 20 points I'll never know.)

Quite simply, PondSlum, I scraped together 20 points in that lopsided, underhanded debacle you refer to as a game of CM by the righteous labor of my superior tactical awareness. Rotten gamey bastiche with your 50mm mortars and their homing rounds. I say I was setup, robbed, bamboozled! And on top of all that, you didn't even warn me that you're a rotten gamey tactics using grog wannabe.

I demand a rematch, you festering pile of grog porn perusing putrescence. Choose something and send it my way.

Papa

[Agua Perdido]

Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

Drivel

Panzer Leader, you idiot. Teach your dipwap squirrel to word-wrap, in addition to quoting, and get him to edit his feckin' post. Every time I have to scroll sideways is another week you'll wait for turns.

Agua Perdido

[Nidan1]

Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

Drivel

Panzer Leader, you idiot. Teach your dipwap squirrel to word-wrap, in addition to quoting, and get him to edit his feckin' post. Every time I have to scroll sideways is another week you'll wait for turns.

Agua Perdido</font>

[Andreas]

Originally posted by PondScum:

In all seriousness, the scenario was not designed to be played by idiots. Which means neither of you two dimwits should have touched it.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:

<big><big>Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me!</big></big>

My dear Hakko Ichiu,

Let me be the last to congratulate you and I hope that your future is perfectly dismal.

[Lars]

Happy B-Day Hakko Ichiu!

{posted just so Boo wasn't the last}

[Hakko Ichiu]

Originally posted by Nidan1:

Don't worry there will be no presents from me, it is surprising to me that invertebrates live this long.

Can't someone hit this moron on the Dim Mak point of death and proper use of punctuation?

Turns have gone out, not that any of you deserve them (except Andreas and MrSpkr who have bought me meat and drink in the past).

[Patchy]

Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:

<big><big>Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me!</big></big>

Happy Birthday Hakko Ichiu!

Persephone

[Malakovski]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

The Justicar At The Bar

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the CessPool team that day;

The Justicar had done his best but it might not win the play;

For Lawyer pulled out all the stops, he lied, bribed and cheated,

He'd do it all, just to see, the Justicar defeated.

(and ON and ON and ON...)

At least I had the decency to cut if off after a few lines, not because my poesy is in any way deficient, mind you, but simply because I know you thick-skulled twits can't appreciate the flowing grace and elegance of my verse.

You on the other hand, puke up this esoteric ramble, which resembles--nay offends--poetry only by the fumbling rhymes and a sense of meter which recalls a small child banging on pots. It could only be worse by going on longer, but that seems scarcely possible.

I had half a mind to reply in verse, for the unlikely cause of your edification, but one can only cast so many pearls to filthy swine before one pities to pearls too much their fate.

Even prose is too good for you.

[ October 09, 2002, 01:15 PM: Message edited by: Malakovski ]