Stalin's Organ Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 Hey, MOUSE, what's this piece of ****e in my in-box?? A low-imagination, boring old ME - jeez, I get enough of those trying to win grog in the outerboards!! Put some imagination into it you dingbat!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goanna Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>the Bard:I Am Returned.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> So what did we get for you? A full refund, or handful of used Canadonians? Now if the bloody kiwi gits can just figure out how to do ubb code properly, or better yet, just Shut the hell up! life would be grand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mensch Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 *cue the Damn! sun!!!* Stalins Organ: oh… oh… Right! *pulls the gold painted rope near the cess Wall* *poing!!!* *all cess poolers look and see its the baby smiley face sun from Teletubbies!!* Peng: Urrggkkk!! Berli: Uh oh, pengs eye is twitching. I think he's going to snap!! Mace: That or go for another drink. *all cesspoolers pull out large caliber guns and shoot the fecking sun out of the sky* Mace: There! thats better, besides who needs that fecking sun when we have the glow of our hatred for one another to live off on. Berli:Shut up or get a hair cut mace. Mensch: Now now Berli, be kind to lesser creatures of this planet. Mace can't help it if he's Australian. Berli: Well at least he can brush his fecking teeth!!.. *looks* er.. tooth. *front gates open and Meeks and Croda stroll in* Peng: Urrgkk!! me Gods!!! I thought I threw you two in the lake with concrete shoes??? Meeks: Feh, nice try Peng but that lake outside the cess dried up years ago. We just waited for the local rodents to chew at our legs to set us free! hmm… *looks around* SINCE WHEN DID THE CESS HAVE A KINDERGARTEN!??? Croda: Looks like we have a job on our hand little buddy. Meeks:> Drop the Gilligan's Island act Croda it's unbecomming of you. Croda: Ok Professor. *sticks his tounge out at meeks* Mensch: Hey! Meeks!! Croda!! welcome fecking back, jeezus finaly back up for us old timers, to the left you can see the kindergarten of newbies. Ignore their bawing and crying, at least we let them sit in their diapers all year long. and *looks around* we have a coackroach problem *steps on one - CRuNCh!* Stalins Organ: arggh! oooh! Meeks: Ouch you stepped on his soft squishy parts. Wait it's still squirming, let me help *crUNCH! Grind* Stalins Organ:… Mensch: Wow those Iron shod shoes are amazing! PawBroon: You can get them Hubwards near Lancre. Croda: you mean by that Igor fella? PawBroon: No, your thinking of Igor in Ankh-Morpork, this Igor just moved from Überwald to Lancre. Berli: I heard there is a gizmo to remove newbies but no one here wants to use it since Bloody Stupid Johnson built it. <n>PawBroon: Geeeeoooodds! I just hope we never see it tested.. hmm maybe we could pack all the newbies in the inner courtyard with it and let them play with it? *everyone looks at eachother* All: Naaaaaaaa! Meeks: Well, at least Peng hasn't changes *everyone looks in the corner where peng is trying to open a twist top beer bottle* Peng:HEY, anyone got a bottle opener!!?? Croda: well at least that will keep him busy for a few days. Mensch: So Croda, what happened? Croda: Oh you know stuff..... Wife. All:Ooohhh.. *mutterings of "poor guy" and "damn they die so early now" going around* Mensch: Oh ya, I understand Berli: Ya but do ya got pictures of her? *nudge nudge, wink wink* Croda: whaddya mean by that Berli? ya when we were on holidays… Berli: Neva mind. *rolls eyes* Meeks: Well I'm off to see if my room is still the way I left it. Berli: Oh, er.. well we thought you were dead or somefink so we sold all the stuff, but we put IOU's in place of the furniture and porno mags; there as good as furniture and mags!!.. er.. ya. Mace: I'm not returning those you bastards I payed good money for those!!! a whole weeks cess pay!! Mensch: Oh come on Mace thats only 25¢!! Mace: Still besides.. some are.. uh. sticky now, I can't return them. Meeks: Keep them my short sheepshagging friend, I.. er... you can keep them *leans to Berli* did he say "sticky?" Berli: He's been a bit "funny" lately, I'd let it ride and forget about it. Meeks: ok who has my bed and work desk then? Mensch: oh, we had to use it as kindle wood to burn a few interlopers that came in bugging the hell out of Peng, you know asking if "it's real" "can I touch it" "ooh it made a noise, quick grab the camera while its drinking its beer" that kinda thing. Meeks: crap! my stuff!! Berli: Donna worry lad, you can take what this coakroach was using for a room. Organs Stalin… *wimper* Croda: IT'S STILL NOT DEAD!! *wack thump pound crunch bam!* Organs Stalin… Mensch: well he is a tough little sucker, we try to beat him like that every so often to show him we care. Berli: Lets go to the Mess hall and celebrate! Mace: Woohooo!! Beer! all: Shut up mace! Mensch: Some one grab Peng, I can't stand watching a grown man cry over a twist off he cant figure out to open. lets go. [ 07-12-2001: Message edited by: mensch ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Leader Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 Well, Joseph's Johnson, that ****e as you call it is the return of a crappy old QB ME that YOU sent ME sometime last week. Return it or not, I will feel relieved if you back out of a game. I am sick of beating up on newbie scum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Aitken Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 PBEM Update The tally after turn four of my wee scrap with Panty Liner: Me – four StuG-type thingies, a Wirbelwind and a PzKpfw IVJ, plus a platoon HQ and maybe a few other mensch. Him – seven Cromwells and three marksmen. His remaining forces live in fear of my company llama. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wesreidau Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 Folks, my email is screwed more than Mensch and so i can't get to your freaking turns. Gimme a few days and maybe I can reply. Meanwhile, Chrisl, of JPL fame, you will be pleased to know your JPL hand electric fan is very amusing to my friends in NZ because it blows -backwards-. Kind of a metaphor there isn't there? PeterNZ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisl Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PeterNZer: Meanwhile, Chrisl, of JPL fame, you will be pleased to know your JPL hand electric fan is very amusing to my friends in NZ because it blows -backwards-. Kind of a metaphor there isn't there? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> That's 'cause you took it across the equator. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Aitken Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 It's official, I was cheating in order to beat Fieldmarshall. How else could my feeble Brits have hoped to overcome his übermensch? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Here you are friend who will be crushed by his own ego, words, and some damn fine German weapons.....remember...YOUR on the defensive,,,,,hhahahahahah and so on....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> The lineup; on my side, two rifle platoons, a 4.2in mortar FO, two 17lb AT guns and some barbed wire. On his side; as far as I can tell, a company of infantry, five Sdkfz 251/9's, a Wespe, a Panther, a 150mm rocket FO, and whatever else I haven't seen yet. While he waited for his barrage to come down, I dropped some shells onto a platoon with two of the 251/9's, taking out one of the latter. Partial FOW allowed me to identify his FO sitting out in the open, so I switched the barrage to him and sent him panicking into a nearby house. Meanwhile Fieldmarshall was running his forces back and forth to avoid my artillery, and the most recent turn ended with his Panther mooning one of my 17 pounders. He has presumably seen the results of my ordering the gun to open fire, whilst switching my barrage towards his other two platoons, which were sitting precariously near the map edge – but suddenly he's busy, and he has a job, and another PBEM, and he's probably washing his hair as well. So, the next time this chap complains about the mighty Peng Challenge Thread, I think we ought to concede to him and shut the place down, as we don't want to invoke his wrath and tactical genius. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>"He Whose Name Shall Not Be Bolded " - HWNSNBB, whined the following: When I left Minneapolis, certain low fellows were posturing about censuring me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Actually I think that ALL of us were posturing about censuring you. In fact I'm pretty sure that you HAVE been censured ... now if we could just censor you ... Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Aitken Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 Some Damn Fine German Weapons A pictorial diary following Hitler's finest on the assault Today we are clearing a village of some pathetic British scum. We have nothing to fear from them. C platoon makes best use of available cover on the left flank with D platoon HQ and a squad from B platoon. They are supported by two of our glorious Sdkfz 251/9's and a Wespe. The rest of B platoon and D platoon deploys on our right flank as we await our barrage of 150mm rockets which will surely destroy the village and send its cowardly defenders running for England. As well as another three 251/9's, they are blessed with the presence of the mighty Panther. The scurrilous Englanders have used underhand tactics which are surely a direct breach of the Geneva Convention in order to spot our troops and drop some of their inferior artillery. We lose a haltrack due to mechanical failure. Our artillery observer has a sudden attack of hayfever and retreats to a nearby house for a lie down. We shall wait for him, there is no rush. In the meantime we conduct exercises to maintain our edge. The sight of even this will surely break the will of the enemy. They cannot touch us – we shall simply deal with them in our own time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Some Damn Fine German Weapons<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yep, clearly hacked, you're found out David no use denying it. You've obviously used your superior computer skills to change the poor lad's orders from moving in some semblance of a tactical formation to this parody of military manuvers. And how do you explain spotting his FO who was CLEARLY behind hills UNLESS you used the autosave feature to cheat (ah, my, how many times have I used that little trick ... hehehe)? It does take a child at times to show us the truth. Does his village know that they're missing an idiot? Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken: we are pathetic British scum.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Good realization. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Wildman Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 Like the Bard, I also am back from the Canadian praire, but alas I found nothing restful or Godlike about the damned area. All I saw were small towns where the year is still 1986 and Heavy Metal bands with "wicked-cool" mullets are in order. Add in the disgusting use of both English and French words on the same sign then you truly have a place that only an eskimo could love. Now that I'm back there will be several of you that will receive your daily PBEM beatings. Most especially Croda if he has the intestinal fortitude to watch the rest of his men getting slaughtered. Yes, my first CessPool opponent and I have still not finished his dismemberment. As for the rest of you Bite Me! Your turns are in the mail. [ 07-12-2001: Message edited by: Wildman ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claymore Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 Geez - here it is the second week of July and I have not started any games yet. Well, I should have some slots open this week, so let's get a couple going. Email me if you have yet to start your first game either and we will do battle. MrSpkr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jshandorf Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 Damn you, Lorak! You are going to be the death of me! Once again I posted results and you completely missed them! Yet, Fancy Lad comes in here and does the same and you get the results up one post later!? What's wrong with you, man!? Have you nothing better to do than to wait at my beck and call to post my triumphs?! Fool! Anyways.... LOSERS: JD and Bauhaus WINNER: Me you idiot? Who did you expect?! As for the rest of you sorry bastards... I will get turns out tonight. Because of my recent acqusition of WWII Online and my subsequent online play, (or shall I say, Beta testing? It's really not that bad) my interest in CM has wained. Just like Croda-meat's Mom wained him from her breast just last week. That is, he's found a better boob to suck. I must say though... Nothin quite like the feeling of brewing of Frenchies in country side. Jeff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted July 12, 2001 Share Posted July 12, 2001 [serious]I have been having a number of problems with my email forwarding service, bigfoot.com. They have either been rejecting large amounts of email (perhaps a blessing in that I will not have to deal with you scum), or delaying it for several days, causing frustration and eventual madness amongst my PBEM partners (witness poor Claymore's delusions supra). In any event, if you are one of the unfortunate souls being trounced in a PBEM battle with me, please use this address: stephen.hines@att.net for future turns.[/serious] Now bugger off, the lot of you. Go on, you heard me, bugger off! [ 07-12-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stalin's Organ Posted July 13, 2001 Share Posted July 13, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by (i]MOUSE[/b}: Well, Joseph's Johnson, that ****e as you call it is the return of a crappy old QB ME that YOU sent ME sometime last week. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Clearly your internal chronometer is full of ****e, for I did not send you anything last week......the last mail I sent you was 3-4 weeks ago, and I shall resend it since you seem to have finally found some small round things the play with. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Return it or not, I will feel relieved if you back out of a game. I am sick of beating up on newbie scum.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> How can you be sick of something that's never happened? Oh..of course, you'er sick of thinking about it....hang on...that can't be right either......you haven't got a brain so can't possibly be thinking at all..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted July 13, 2001 Share Posted July 13, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jshandorf: my interest in CM has wained<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Does that mean we will never, never hear from you again? Oh, how unfortunate! Mace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorak Posted July 13, 2001 Share Posted July 13, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jshandorf: Damn you, Lorak! You are going to be the death of me! Once again I posted results and you completely missed them! Yet, Fancy Lad comes in here and does the same and you get the results up one post later!? What's wrong with you, man!? Have you nothing better to do than to wait at my beck and call to post my triumphs?! Fool! Anyways.... LOSERS: JD and Bauhaus WINNER: Me you idiot? Who did you expect?! As for the rest of you sorry bastards... I will get turns out tonight. Because of my recent acqusition of WWII Online and my subsequent online play, (or shall I say, Beta testing? It's really not that bad) my interest in CM has wained. Just like Croda-meat's Mom wained him from her breast just last week. That is, he's found a better boob to suck. I must say though... Nothin quite like the feeling of brewing of Frenchies in country side. Jeff<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> LMAO!!! Shandorf, how in the hell do you expect us to believe you stand any chance in this tourny, hell any chance in life at all, if you constantly miss the obvious. Those games were posted by me and if you care to look, you will see the post on page 3 of this thread. Maybe you should think about re-looking at the maps a couple more times before you press done in the future. Lorak the loathed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iskander Posted July 13, 2001 Share Posted July 13, 2001 sitting in the waiting lounge outside the Father Confessor’s office, Iskander nervously leafs through one of the magazines on the coffee table. Why are they all National Geographics about Africa from the 1970’s, he wonders? Perhaps the Father Confessor used to have a missionary position there... the door opens and a hooded figure walks by quickly, trying not to be recognized, but the smell of ewe and lanolin is so overpowering that there is little guess who it was. Trying to talk around his bemused laughter, the Father Confessor calls “Next!”... Iskander enters and shuts the door behind him... Isk: forgive me Father Confessor, I have sinned against the Holy Mother Thread. sound of screwtop rasping against glass, followed by a *gloop, gloop* from behind the screen FC: huh, what? Sorry kid, wasn’t all there then… what was that again? Something about girls? You been fornicating again? Hope you brought pictures.... Isk: No, not girls, Father. It’s... it’s more serious than that. You see, there was this game... FC: WHOA! Hold it right there! This isn’t that game that Ma..., er, another penitent soul here recently confessed to involving a WWI gasmask and two sheep, is it? I do not want to hear about THAT again! more *gloop, gloop* sounds followed by that of a glass bottle being set onto a mahogany surface Isk: No, no... not sheep. It’s more directly related to CM. And one of the other Cesspoolers, MrSphnctr. What happened was... FC: Nope! NOPE! I DO NOT want to hear about you and The Vowelless One in some weird “S & M” debauchery! No! Now: how about girls, young girls; don’t you have anything sordid, and I mean really sordid to confess there? Huh, huh? Isk: Er... what? S & M...? No, Father Confessor, “CM”, you remember: Combat Mission. There was this scenario, with lots of snow and me stuck with nothing but Green troops. Did I mention the snow? And the scenario was designed in-part by Berli... FC: NAME HIM NOT! (sounds of fumbling for a bottle followed by at least five good gulps) It’s bad enough putting up with you newcomers and your bleary whiny problems without getting the other Old Ones involved. Let’s pick this up a bit; I saw Pawbroon out there waiting and it looks like he brought his photo album again... yum! So get on with it! Isk: Ah, er, OK. Anyway: Because I had so many troops, and all of them as useless as a post by Khrushchev’s Cannon, against Veteran and Crack troops, I started... well... it was like this.... I... um... FC: What? Got bored with the game and spent your time downloading porn instead? There’s no shame in that, my son. There is shame, however, in not forwarding the URL’s you visited to your Confessor? Get me, kid? Isk: Well, that did happen a time or two, but that’s not what I’m getting at. You see, in order to be able to do anything at all, I had to start using... well, to just come out and say it, I started using tactics. hangs head in shame FC: I... see. heavy sigh And I will suppose that this also means that you played these turns sober, doesn’t it? Isk: Well, yes. I know it’s totally out of character, but I had to do something: every time another snowflake would hit the ground another squad would “panic” and run. FC: You engaged in the use of smoke? Cover fire? Arty preparation? These, and more? Isk: Yes, Father... and largely to no avail. It seems that all the games I have won have been pure drunken luck. And even those I lost were still fun to play. But, once I started dallying with... tactics... nothing was fun anymore. FC: Yes, I have seen it before. A sad story... not as sad as me running out of booze, you understand, but sad nonetheless. It’s really the same fallout from that idiot... er... parishoner, Lorak and his stupid win/loss record. Back in the day when the Holy Mother Thread would run for 30 or 40 pages, we cared not a fig for such petty things. Only in the wasteland of the Outer Board inhabited by grogs and the like was such foolishness worshiped. And now, it’s usually crossdressers like MrSpkr and jshandorf who play in tournaments, tournaments of all things! and trail their idiocy back into our ‘Pool. I’ll really have to get around to excommunicating them someday... after Seanachai, maybe... Anyway, what that it? On your way out tell Pawbroon to... Isk: But, what am I to do? This games tasks me, and is leading me into perdition! I fear for my wit and humor! What happens if I keep going down this path and become a teatotalling grog?!? Save me! FC: Isky, you are an idiot; just surrender and go play someone else. In fact, after you have surrendered, your penance will be to play... umm... one SSN as determined by the Elders of the ‘Pool. Oh, and it has to be in a Rune scenario. Isk: but, but... FC: Silence! I have spoken on the matter! However, as I am not entirely without concern for my charges (especially when I’m over the limit, but that’s neither here nor there), I tell you that the Rune scenario will not be in the snow, and you must play by the Three-Drink Rule. Now, go forth and take this crap seriously no more! And tell Pawbroon to bring some tissues with him, if you would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berlichtingen Posted July 13, 2001 Share Posted July 13, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Iskander: FC: Isky, you are an idiot; just surrender and go play someone else. In fact, after you have surrendered, your penance will be to play... umm... one SSN as determined by the Elders of the ‘Pool. Oh, and it has to be in a Rune scenario.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It somehow seems fated that Rune (evil) and I (Evil) are just finishing up a joint effort. Oh, Iskander, no snow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Aitken Posted July 13, 2001 Share Posted July 13, 2001 Oh. My. God. I have just read some of the SMG Gap thread, and have now been deprived of any will to play CM2, and possibly also the will to live. I swear some people get unnatural forms of excitement out of discussing physically fit but tactically inept Russian farmers and the like. Oh, and Lewis is continuing to treat Steve like he's just pretending he co-founded BTS. Do not go out there. These grogs know no bounds. I expect they wouldn't hesitate to criticise god for modelling the universe unrealistically and not catering for a wider audience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted July 13, 2001 Share Posted July 13, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>It somehow seems fated that Rune (evil) and I (Evil) are just finishing up a joint effort.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Look mate, we really don't care what you and Rune choose to smoke in the privacy of your own hovel, really we don't, but your drug addled mind is beginning to fail. We've got a game due from Peng about which you've done nothing and Agua Perdido tells me that your scenario reminds him of nothing so much as some of the black light posters from San Franciso in the late 60's. Now don't get the impression that we, like, CARE, on account of how WE DON'T. BUT we would like to keep the CessPool from becoming any more surreal than it is already. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedbump Posted July 13, 2001 Share Posted July 13, 2001 Game Updates: For the most part, my pixilated warriors are dying. I seem to have been struck with Conscript-itis. It is a nasty rash that causes perfectly healthy men to run blindly away when the echo of far-off gunfire is heard. Somehow, MrSpnkr believes it is due to his tactical prowess, when in fact it is due to Berli's evil designs... The highlight of the week, however, is our local sheepherder's taunt in his most recent turn. He claimed that his Jabo finally killed something! His tactically skilled aviator did in fact kill a Wirblewind...for the 2nd time! To do this he ignored several Panthers and Tigers, even a Jagdpanzer! Well sheeplicker, this type of performance should be noted and repeated! Pawbroon has fallen of the face of the earth, or at least the wagon. armornut has resurfaced in the pool after an extended leave. However, his taunt was indecipherable (been talking to PB again? If so, tell him to send me a turn!). dalem is laughing at me slog through the dusk in the rain. Well at least I got to use all my points this game...gamey bastiche. The rest of you are beneath my notice! Speedbump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted July 13, 2001 Share Posted July 13, 2001 (Walks up to David Aitken and begins smacking him violently about the head and shoulders) MrSpkr: How many times (SMACK!) do we have to tell you (THWACK!) to stay away (CRACK!) from (WHACK!) the (THWACK!) Outer (KEE-RACK!) Boards (CRACK-CRACK-CRUNCH!)? David Aitken: (beginning to snap out of his daze) "Why . . . thank you . . . Don't know what came over me . . ." MrSpkr: Don't mention it. Now send me a setup so I can imprint this lesson firmly in your mind. [edited for an extra SMACK! [ 07-13-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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