I wanna be sedated by the Peng Challenge

[BFCElvis]

As much as it pains me to post this it also thrills me. I have done something I diodn't think was possible. Just finished a TCP/IP with Hiram and won on turn 15 out of 20 by a score of 100 to 0. That's right folks through 15 turns I lost NOBODY. And it wsn't like I was hiding. I was tearing his **** apart. But I was still at 100% global morale at the end of turn 15......I still can't believe it.

Elvis - Win (100 pints)

Hiramphillyphanbandwagonboy - Lose (0 points)

[Phillies Phan]

Elvis is right. Except that my name is not Hiram. So, the victory should be official when he acknowledges that he won against Phillies Phan. He took advantage of an inebriated New Jersey resident. Is there no mercy left? What say you?

Go ahead, Mr. Lorak. Scribe this upon your Cesspool website where the words "you suck" follow our mice. Don't worry about what is right and wrong. Don't concern yourself about the details of these minute struggles that happen while you slumber.

We are just little poots from the butt of life.

[Mark IV]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Phillies Phan:

Elvis is right... Scribe this upon your Cesspool website where the words "you suck" follow our mice.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hiram, I would like to be among the first to post my empathy for your loss. As you know, I'm not one to kick a guy while he's down (thump).

A score of zero is actually to be admired- that's some fancy shootin', mate.

How the hell could you not even wound someone by accident? Pretend it's deer season, you should whack 3 or 4...friendly fire will generate more points than that... this re-defines suck, to the point that gassy red giants from neighboring galaxies may be drawn up your butt by the vacuum that such suck creates.

I am really curious how this could have happened. In fact, I think the 'pool deserves a detailed explanation. Until then, you are a designated Cubs fan, and I can no longer take seriously anyone who maintains otherwise. Suckage of this magnitude threatens our fragile eco-system and must be thoroughly studied.

I believe you have made CM history, and I can almost hear the AI's sigh of relief as it finally advances up the ladder.

Again, my guffaws of deepest sympathy; may you find solace in these difficult times.

[Berlichtingen]

100 - 0??? 100 - 0!!!

Back in the days of the beta demo, someone did that against the AI, but against a human opponent! Jesus H Christ, Hiram you suck worse than the team you love so well!

[Shandorf]

LORAK!

My goooood man, or else...

Please record the following victory for me.

ME - WIN!

Mensch- LOSS!

You missed me again last time. Heeeey, keep your smart ass comments to yourself. I heard that Hamster huffin and puffin up there in that hollow gorde you call a skull.

Jeff

[mensch]

whine bitch complain.. jeez Jadsndorf getta grip.. Lorak read what you posted.. its just your not important to pay attention to.. ROTFL... go lorak go!! yes it was a no.. idea what the score was, I never bothered to look. yup I gave up it was like flogging a dead whore.. uh.. horse... *cough*

now whose up for a real battle... say uh.. like nothing in the scopes of what berli and I stepped in.. and boy does that smell... berli is lucky he found his troops.. I'm missing a Company somewhere if you see a bunch of Jerries running around looking kinda lost please point them in our direction so as they can die lots.

[Wesreidau]

My god Hiram, that's an amazing score.

I think Hiram may have gone through suck and out the other side! I think Hiram may be some quantum kind of suck.

I expect to start seeing people with scores of over 100 when playing Hiram.

Of course, the right minded person would say this is impossible, but Quantum Suckage Theory shows that it is not!

I think Hiram may have reached critical mass, where suck particles are bouncing off each other contained with in his body, and are even as we speak boiling away like some constant internal fusion reaction.

I really think someone should do some more work on this theory. I'm sure Heisenburg comes into it all somewhere.

meanwhlie. back to me work.

PeterNZ

[ 04-26-2001: Message edited by: PeterNZer ]

[FriendlyFire]

This is most excellent and evil news.

First, it redefines the level of "suck". I can now sleep safely in the knowledge that although I may be a scum-sucking newbie, there are those in the universe who are worse off than me.

"I may be bad, but I'm no Hiram"

"Whoa, lucky shot, I almost pulled off a Hiram there."

"where were you when Hiram made history, daddy?"

etc etc.

Second, and much more importantly, it means that Elvis, you bloated banana-sucking corpse, you must now have an OPENING on your disgustingly stained dance card. You are next in my quest to be whupped by the numbers, since Berli has so far been unable to capitalize on his massive spork advantage. Send me, as they say, a setup. A Rune double-blind, maybe?

PS And make it snappy, I've got a lot of dying to get through before I can inflict some revenge on that sick little puppy Meeks.

[ 04-26-2001: Message edited by: FriendlyFire ]

[ 04-26-2001: Message edited by: FriendlyFire ]

[mensch]

Whoa! wait a sec... Hiram Snoody.. now.. he sucks beyond suckyness.. quantum suck.. na.. quark Suck more like it .. does this make peng.. not so bad to loose against? does this make our foundation on suckyness of Peng ... *gasp* obsolete??? is there more shame to loose to the Hiram? do we get a § next to our name if we loose to him now?.. jeez

be afraid, be very afraid... the village idiot changed hands to Hiram.. sorry peng... you just suck.. but Hiram.. takes the cake.

[Wesreidau]

If you put Hiram and a game of CM PBEM in a box..

Until you open the box he has neither won the game, nor lost the game! In fact, I argue he is in all of these states at once. In Essence, Hiram's score exists at the 0-100 range all at once. He has simultaneously lost all his tanks and none of his tanks.

Only when the box is open can you be really sure that Hiram has lost. At that moment his game score is fixed down and all other possibilities evaporate.

I call this principle the 'Suckage Uncertainty Principle'

In further work i will see if i can identify an anti-Hiram, which is tied to him, but in a different place. I believe there is another Hiram out there, and perhaps by observing this other Hiram we can oversome the Suckage Uncertainty Principle?

Your thesis welcome

PeterNZ

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elvis:

Just finished a TCP/IP with Hiram and won on turn 15 out of 20 by a score of 100 to 0. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Phan,

A fine achievement to be proud of, 'cause some may equal that result, but no one, NO ONE, will better it!

Give yourself a pat on the back!

Mace

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mensch:

quark Suck more like it <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'd like to take this further and nominate Phan's suckiness as that mysterious dark matter force...it has a repulsive nature to it!

Mace

[Bil Hardenberger]

Berli said:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>100 - 0??? 100 - 0!!!

Back in the days of the beta demo, someone did that against the AI, but against a human opponent! Jesus H Christ, Hiram you suck worse than the team you love so well!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I just have to correct one little inaccuracy in this statement.

That game was won by myself, and it was against a human opponent (Bill Carey). The AAR is on CMHQ for all to read.

I apologize for intruding in your little thread, won't happen again

Oh, one more thing, congratulations Elvis, well done! :cool:

Bil

[Geier]

The State of Things:

mensch: Has lost tanks and cars and men and stuff. This is after two turns. Even if this must be toughest setup I've yet to come across (Into the East from Der Kessel), I will hand mensch his innards in a ice cream bowl with a chocolate mint stuck in them all the same.

Berli: We're gonna play a Moon op and it will be wonderful.

MarkIV: Is getting killed a lot and has lost a lot of his tracky things. He doesn't stand a chance so all's well in the world as usual.

PeterNZer: Hasn't returned a file in a while since I started shooting back at him. Claims to be working. As if.

Moriarty: Continues to take his beating like a trooper. Must be pretty close to auto-surrender now.

Others: They know who they are and so do I. One is moving and one is goading China into playing chicken I expect.

Sod off,

[Iskander]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedbump:

On another front, Iskander has been much more welcoming to a newbie. He has kindly allowed me to gain the first victory location with a minimum of casualties, while letting me nearly surround a Sturm platoon...

Iskander, you... harp seal torturing, ...

Speedbump[/QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I heartily congratulate you on:

1. Thinking that a grey Flag with a big "?" on it belongs to you, and

2. Thinking that you have me "surrounded." Yeah, Custer had them injuns surrounded, too, didn't he?

And don't fret the arty... I do that all the time and even sometimes beat Knee-gits doing it...

PS It's baby harp seals, lint. I never get them on the first whack so I can hear them pitiously cry for their mommies a second before the board-with-nail comes down again... sounds just like one of Mace's sheepses...

[Speedbump]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Iskander:

1. Thinking that a grey Flag with a big "?" on it belongs to you

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Clearly your understanding of this great game is lacking. The flag that your near-sighted, astigmatic, bleary eyes view as a grey Flag is solidly Red, White & Blue. Just because you rush a herd of cub scouts at my solidly held defensive position, you cannot claim victory.

Now go play with your cub scouts.

The rest of you drop 'em, bend over, and cough!

Speedbump

[Phillies Phan]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Snipped for the sake of mankind

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Each of you can eat me. (I'm a danish)

Follow my logic here with me, Mister Four. If I suck and I had a draw against you, then you must suck too. (I ryhmed again)

Yes, I lose well. I lose better than any of you people and you can depend on the fact that I despise each of you. I sometimes ahbor individuals and other times I hate you all as a collective. I wish a plague of crotch crickets upon your house's trousers.

[Geier]

Didja all notice I failed to mention my game against Peng? Course you did.

[Speedbump]

Bump off the bottom of the 1st page

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Phillies Phan:

I lost 0-100 last night. Can anyone here do worse?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, the way I see it, you could do twice as well and still not score any points!

Speedbump

[Mark IV]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Phillies Phan:

Follow my logic here with me, Mister Four. If I suck and I had a draw against you, then you must suck too.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Once, we had a minor traffic accident.

Now, you've been killed in a major crash.

Therefore, I also have been killed in the crash.

Yeah, that works, Mr. Cubbie. I know that your self-esteem is in desperate need of having its false premises restored, and I'm going to go along with this. You're a valued member of the pool and I wouldn't want you to do anything rash. Have a special day.

[Phillies Phan]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Once, we had a minor traffic accident.

Now, you've been killed in a major crash.

Therefore, I also have been killed in the crash.

Yeah, that works, Mr. Cubbie. I know that your self-esteem is in desperate need of having its false premises restored, and I'm going to go along with this. You're a valued member of the pool and I wouldn't want you to do anything rash. Have a special day.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Almost, but not quite. Easter came and went and you refused to play me. Pick another holiday so we can go toe to toe, tough guy. I will stomp your guts out and poke you in the forehead while calling you "loser". This has to be a TCPIP game. Lets make up a holiday and call it "Mark Four Evisceration Day" Happy Entrails to you!! Pick a date and time. I'll be there. Will you?

[rleete]

Does this mean the start of a new series of Phan threads?

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Elvis - Win (100 pints)

Hiramphillyphanbandwagonboy - Lose (0 points) <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I blame myself ... for it was I who gave him Jabo! with which to play. I should have known better. Much like the teenagers who stand in front of cars trying to get on some MTV show, or the kids who toss each other around trying to be WWF stars, Phillies Phan ... just wasn't up to it. If you'll recall, it was young Hiram (yes, lad we know you prefer Phillies Phan ... Gawd knows why but there it is, but you'll always be Hiram to us) who mananged to eke out a draw against that, the most evil of rigged scenarios. And now this ...

Perhaps, though, we should consider this in another light. Perhaps science has gone too far and we should judge this on a more primal, metaphysical level. Surely one who accomplishes such acts as a draw in Jabo! and a 100-0 loss in PBEM is ... special. I'm reminded of Chaunce E. Gardner in "Being There", or Forrest Gump in, well, "Forrest Gump" or even the Maid of Orleans, all people who did the impossible ... or at least the extremely unlikely.

I'm thinking of erecting a shrine to the lad ... (sit down Bauhaus).

Joe

[ 04-26-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[Iskander]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedbump:

...my solidly held ...

Speedbump[/QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The only thingy that you're "solidly holding" is that which will bring the Blessings of St. Bauhaus down upon you.

Speaking of St.B, he and I never got around to actually playing a game... must do something about that someday soon...

[BFCElvis]

Because of the reaction to what happened last night I will make a couple of comments in response to some questions about my game with PhilliesPhan (the guy has been shamed enough without me rubbing salt further into the wounds).

First, a week ago he CRUSHED me in a PBEM game.

Second, a quick AAR. 1000 point ME mod trees and and hills. I purchased a Panther, Hetzer, Wespe and Fallslager Co and a couple of cheap arty spotters. During turn 1 I saw an M10 sitting on a hill and what seemed like a couple of platoons moving slowly in the the rear middle area of the map. I had ordered my platoons to sneak forward. When I saw in turn 1 how far back he was and how slowly he was moving I ran a platoon forward to behind a large building in the middle of the map. I also targeted 81mm arty on the area around the M10. When the arty started falling I moved my Panther to a hilltop with an LOS to his M10 and got a kill while it was worrying about the arty. In the meantime one platoon at a time was run forward and then placed in buildings and trees. Most infantry I had hide upon reaching their destination. By the time I had all my infantry safely in town he began to advance. Everywhere he tried to advance was covered by arty, armor, infantry or a combination of at time all three. At turn 10 I told him that I couldn't believe that I was still at 100%...As each turn came and went I would say it again "I can't believe I haven't lost ONE MAN!!". and he continued to get torn to bits until there was almost nothing left to fight with. I still can't figure out what he did so horribly wrong or what I did that was so right but I am still dumbstruck. PhilliesPhams' game has improved a great deal during his hibernation period...don't any of you get caught off guard.

Third, Friendlyfire, my dance card is WAY too full right now. Phillybitch and I played TCP/IP. I haven't even sent my turns from yesterday yet including the massive setup I am in the middle of doing with the Consig. After I have finished some of these I think I am going to try to only have 3 or 4 games going at once. I think I have 8 now.