I wanna be sedated by the Peng Challenge

[imported_Wildman]

jd,

I'm selling my house and I understand that your a mortgage banker. What kind of interest rate should a buyer expect now, how is the housing market.......

Oh that's right Joe Shaw is the Morman banker, right, sorry there...sometimes its hard to notice the difference in hot air.

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

MrSpkr, now that's a bit better. You had some relatively clever comebacks and actually used quotes from my post.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh me. A compliment from Joshaw. Be still my beating heart. Why, I feel positively dizzy! I'm not sure if its giddiness or nausea.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You did, regrettably, fall back on the hackneyed and tired tactic of MISquoting (i.e. making up) my post. When will people learn that the true test of a response is to quote accurately and then use that quote to their own purpose.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Really? I simply characterized the gist of your prior message. Let me see. Hmmm. First, you made some acknowledgment that I understand the challenge portion of the Peng thread -- really JoShaw, this shouldn't be surprising. In The World Outside the Mormonlands, many of us learn to read, and even write occasionally.

Next, you whined something along the lines of I won't play you because I am a kinniget (and this spares me the potential embarrassment of losing to a newbie, even if I use the incredibly lopsided JABO! scenario), like I did to Speedbump, who showed some promise (of letting me get by with a win).

Hrm. Joe, really, this is getting a bit much. The purpose of being a knight is to FIGHT, not to whine and make excuses for your inadequacies.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>But all in all not bad. With more effort on your part you may yet survive here.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh no, here come that feeling again . . . I, I, thiink I'm gonna . . . [runs to bathroom]

[various and sundry unpleasant noises not recorded here in light of JoShaw's delicate sensibilities]

[wiping mouth] Oh there. It was nausea. Sorry. I feel much better, though.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Yes ... I understood that, apparently you didn't understand MY response so allow me to reiterate ... NO!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Joe, your cowardice is only exceeded by your pathetic attempts to manipulate the "rules" of the Peng Thread so as to avoid embarrassment. As I understand it, the rules, in your own words, go something like this:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>[from "PENG CHALLENGES a thread", post one]... since he can't seem to beat PEOPLE too well. Okay, here 'tis. IF you're a scum sucking NEWBIE and wish to participate then SOUND OFF like you got a pair and INSULT, TAUNT or otherwise HARRASS[sic] someone in PARTICULAR ... none of these general insults here laddy me laddy. Then take a deep breath and we'll see if you've GOT WHAT IT TAKES!

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I found that to be a reasonably lucid statement of the rules (surprising, given the source). What part of them do YOU have trouble understanding?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> I'm sorry, where does it say that I have to play you at all? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

See your rules, reprinted above for your convenience.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You, sir, are a scum sucking newbie who has been on this thread for a matter of days. Perhaps you can find some Serf or, if you're really lucky, some Squire who will accommodate you with a game.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Let me see . . . the old "I can't play newbies because the last time I did I had to use the "JABO!!" monstrosity to enhance my self-esteem and my p-shrink says its unhealthy so please find someone else while I slink away" line. Pathetic.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Perhaps when my new squire, Speedbump, is recognized by Lorak (assuming he emerges from his huffing induced coma ... that Wasp spray is nasty stuff I hear) he can be persuaded to play you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Translation: "the knniiggets have tired of me hiding behind their greaves and skirts, so I am forced to hide behind those of my squire."

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>In the meantime, remember Icarus ... he TOO wished to fly too close to the sun.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You know JoShaw, I think I am beginning to see a pattern here. The endless references to Bauhaus and now a reference to a Greek mythology . . .

JoShaw and the Greeks and Bauhaus and hiding behind skirts. What could these things all have in common?

JoShaw, it is things like you that make my dog's butt itch. I shall repeat, one last time (though Heaven knows why I bother) . . . I single you out. I challenge you. You are a truly feckless malodorous individual with delusions of grandeur. I await your response.

As for the rest of you slack-jawed yokels, Bugger off! I hate you all.

MrSpkr

[ 04-26-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[Lawyer]

Jeez, SpkrBoy. You're a feckin' Law Student! There's NOTHING lower, more vile, or likely to cheat and steal than a law student.

You are correct to pummel Jo-Jo Shaw for his Louis XIV delusions (the "Salt King"??), but you foul the Cesspool by your very presence. Do you know how much you must suck to foul the Cesspool? Einstein never dreamed of numbers so large.

I lived among your kind while scamming my degree. At least REAL Lawyers get paid for being lying sleazebags. Law students JUST SUCK!!!

Go pick your dog's nose and eat the residuals. Don't worry, you can dry them out and save them for later if it's too much for one sitting.

Feckin' Law Students acting like they have a pair. Jeeezzz.....

[FriendlyFire]

Ye gods, the kniggets are falling over each other to flee the field of battle. First #159 Elvis begs off - "too busy", yeah right, we all know you're off to get that [cough]Hiram[cough] 100-0 whupping screenshot immortalised. Handy hint: get it laminated laddy, that way you'll be able to wipe it clean more easily "afterwards", if you get my drift.

And now Joe Shaw's gotten himself into a terrible state bitch-slapping MrSpkr, who apparently doesn't know the meaning of "and STAY dead". #258 was next on the list, but I think we all know that watching these two pull each other's hair and scream a lot is far more entertaining than, say, stomping their little pixellated armies into dust.

And so it's down to Mark IV to uphold the honor (goddamit Bauhaus, GET OFF HIS LEG... you don't know where it's been) of the pool. Come in #346, your time is up. In oh so many ways.

[Abbott]

I also noticed that when you send just one panzershreck round thru the side of a Jumbo Sherman it takes weeks to get the next file returned.

[Stuka]

C'mon Joe, you can't let this one lie.

Take Mr Spanker outside and give him a jolly good seeing too!

Or failing that, you could simply thrash his pants off (Bauhaus, I'm warning you....) in a pbem...

[jd]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wildman:

jd,

I'm selling my house and I understand that your a mortgage banker. What kind of interest rate should a buyer expect now, how is the housing market.......

Oh that's right Joe Shaw is the Morman banker, right, sorry there...sometimes its hard to notice the difference in hot air.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The difference is my dear mildman, is that I get paid by poor sods such as yourself because they are too wanked to figure out how to breathe correctly.... Joe is, well Joe and now that we have our own little succubus (well said Jake, nothing more worthless than a law student) perhaps we should slip him between your proverbial sheets...now there is truly a waste of Nitrogen and Oxygen.

[David Aitken]

Meeks has the dubious honour of being the first person to blatantly lie to me in the hope of resurrecting a lost battle. He had dropped all his artillery to little effect, lost his four White scout cars, and had an entire US platoon annihilated. I was aware of another platoon on my right flank, but it couldn't move as it was sheltering in a dip in the ground, guarded by my infantry and mortars. I honestly remarked:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Oh look, I have two uncommitted platoons with not a scratch on them, and my first platoon is being cut to shreds. Maybe I should get them all into action. But where would be the challenge in that?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This was while engaging the aforementioned platoon, an engagement which I won. Meeks responded:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>What?!?! You have more troops?!?! How?!?!?!?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Maybe something to do with all those pyrotechnics you were flinging around?

I suspect you also bought another plane and forgot about it again.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So far so Meeks. But then, feigning honesty, he confided:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I am facing something of a dilemma. Should I just cease-fire now or charge the last platoon?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You need me to tell you how to lose?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Our game continued, but I was naïve enough to believe Meeks, and became complacent. When a few of his support weapons started to give me trouble, I wasn't too concerned. I proceeded with trying to clear them out while keeping an eye on his remaining platoon.

Then I advanced beyond the central VL to kick out a couple of .50 cal machineguns, and WHAM! His remaining platoon rushes in to the VL, while ANOTHER platoon hits me from the left.

Now, if Meeks were a serious military adversary, of course I wouldn't listen to him. But what are e-mail exchanges going to be like, if we're never sure whether our opponent is telling the truth? Of course, it's difficult to think of things to say without giving away your force dispositions or battle plan. If I talk about the battle in e-mails, I never give away any specific detail, but I certainly never lie in the hope of influencing my opponent's decisions. If I can't tell the truth about the battle, I won't talk about it. Lying in personal communications demonstrates a desire to win the battle at all cost, rather than enjoy the game for what it is. If we can't trust our opponents, there is no point in communicating, and an enjoyable game turns into a serious conflict.

Meeks also reflected what he was telling me in his posts to this thread. Can we not even believe what we read here? No-one is obliged to say anything about battles in progress. I give PBEM reports here, but obviously I can only speak about the battle from my perspective, so I only risk prejudicing the battle against myself, and as such I never give away much detail – but again, I certainly never lie. No-one cares to hear lies, even in a humourous context such as this.

I thought the Peng Thread represented people who enjoy playing for fun, not for credit. Of course, when we win we have the right to brag about it. But if we can't trust each other's words during a game, it ceases to be a game. If I'm playing a human opponent, I'd prefer not to regard them as a computer just challenging my tactics – but if they can't engage in honest conversation between turns, I'd prefer if they let me know, and I'll happily ignore them for the course of the battle.

Now to decide what to do with Meeks's turn.

[Mark IV]

One of my favorite perks, as an elder of the 'pool, is the right to proclaim the dreaded Peng Thread Death Sentence on those we find offensive in unhumorous ways.

Oh, the light in the eyes of the squires, as they sharpen rusty things on the sidewalk, anticipating the torments before the bonfire! How the dogs bark, as the hapless captives are led to the pyre! These are happy moments.

Today we'll be immolating the megadolt Panzerman, who draws a big P on the front of his pyjammies and uses a bathroom towel for a cape, bouncing from bed to bed making tank noises. And a special treat- a double header!- we'll pick the tasty hypocritical bits from JMGUIRE or whatever his name was, before they're overdone.

Hiram, I done told you I was busy then, and you know TCP things don't fit the old schedule too well, with you in the low-budget time zone and all. However, I will see if can give mama-san a billion dollars to go the store this weekend, and maybe we can pull one off. Watch this space.

Mr. Fire, there was not the slightest hint of a taunt in that "challenge", and more bodily fluid/matter mots are not gonna do it either. You need to work on technique. Anyway, I still owe Berli a setup. If you could muster some of your namesake like you gotta pair, I might consent to examine your setup. But I doubt it.

[Phillies Phan]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Brevity is best.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You could surrender.

[David Aitken]

Phillies Phan wrote:

> You could surrender.

I have lost the battle, but I wasn't fighting a battle, I was playing a game.

[Phillies Phan]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Phillies Phan wrote:

> You could surrender.

I have lost the battle, but I wasn't fighting a battle, I was playing a game.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

what does this mean?

"There's a splinter in your eye and it reads REACT" ?

[Stuka]

Meeks is lieing?

Hmmm, are we sure he does not have ambitions to become a lawyer?

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer:

<snipped for family viewing>

Feckin' Law Students acting like they have a pair. Jeeezzz.....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You know, some lawyers are bloodsuckers.

Others just SUCK!!!

You, good sir (and I say that only out of politeness) are in the latter category.

Now, go blow a goat.

The rest of you can die. I despise your very existence.

MrSpkr

[Speedbump]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lorak:

Speedbump has made squire.

Lorak the loathed<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It is with great humility, nay reticence (for I am not worthy) that I take up the shield of my liege lord Mr. Joe Shaw. This humble servant seeks only to serve the most lucid, erudite Mr. Shaw. A squire is a young nobleman attendant upon a knight and ranked next below a knight in feudal hierarchy. In return for training in the martial arts, a squire serves as an aide to the knight, conducting menial duties such as servicing the knight's armor and tending the knight's warhorse.

In this light (specifically of dealing with the warhorse's dung) I would be willing to consider (no promises) the background buzz that is Mr. Spkr. Should he wish to continue to challenge my patron, he should understand that only special individuals are allowed into the presence of a Knight without first addressing that Knight's squire. So if you should be serious in pursuing the path of cess, you must first deal with me...

With the exception of my patron, I find the lot of you vile, execrable and somewhat disturbing. Therefore, would you all kindly drop 'em, bend over, and cough!

Speedbump

[David Aitken]

Phillies Phan wrote:

> what does this mean?

>

> "There's a splinter in your eye and it reads REACT" ?

It means what it says. It doesn't mean the R.E.M. lyric. I don't know what that means, ask Michael Stipe.

[Phillies Phan]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Phillies Phan wrote:

> what does this mean?

>

> "There's a splinter in your eye and it reads REACT" ?

It means what it says. It doesn't mean the R.E.M. lyric. I don't know what that means, ask Michael Stipe.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So, if it means what it says and I don't get what it means, then what does it mean? What's it all about Alfie?

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Phillies Phan:

So, if it means what it says and I don't get what it means, then what does it mean? What's it all about Alfie?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I think it means that when your best option is to sit patiently you always have an itch to do something you shouldn't.

[David Aitken]

Phillies Phan wrote:

> What's it all about Alfie?

I thought I explained that in my brief MAR (Middle of Action Report) above. If Meeks had been my enemy I would have kicked his farm boys all the way back to Iowa. But I thought he was just my gaming opponent, so he was able to influence my actions by pretending he had nothing left to fight with.

Do you want that in pictures?

[Stuka]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Phillies Phan:

What's it all about Alfie?[/QB]

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Whats the frequency, Kenneth?

[Lawyer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

The rest of you can die. I despise your very existence.

MrSpkr<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ya know, this dude is stuck out in Bum****, TX loving Oklahoma football. Naming hisself after Newt Gingrich, but without the charm...

Tell us how the rule of perpetuities works, ya git. You're just another Loser biting the dust, hoping the local high school team will let you be waterboy so you can go in the locker room and admire the young studs.

Yer too late here in the Cesspool, boyo. Bauhaus and Shaw have the boyz under control, and Mace has the sheep franchise.

You could go to Sizzler to eat away your sorrows, but you might risk dining on your last date.

REPEAT: Law students SUCK!!!

[Phillies Phan]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Phillies Phan wrote:

> What's it all about Alfie?

I thought I explained that in my brief MAR (Middle of Action Report) above. If Meeks had been my enemy I would have kicked his farm boys all the way back to Iowa. But I thought he was just my gaming opponent, so he was able to influence my actions by pretending he had nothing left to fight with.

Do you want that in pictures?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I don't care if you and Meeks were doing gymnastic routines with each other. I just had a question about your old sig.

yeesh

[David Aitken]

Stuka wrote:

> Whats the frequency, Kenneth?

"The title was a phrase allegedly uttered by gangsters who mugged American newscaster Dan Rather." – Peter Hogan, The Complete Guide To The Music Of R.E.M.

Who says the Peng Thread is worthless?

[Leeo]

Alright, I've not posted lately (I know, you've all been pining away over that little poke in your eye), but I've been involved with Real-Life™ (something foreign to most of you grog swallowing, knee-biting Peng-sluts). Any-who, Updates!

<UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>Deke-the-Fentle has showed his nervousness in meeting me upon the field of battle by purchasing dandelion fluff (a.k.a. paratroopers) and M8 Howitzer Motor carriages (a.k.a. gamey prop for self-perceived ineptitude). He has cut through a bunker, but has himself run into the "buzz-saw-o-Sturmkompanie-o-death."

<LI>Mr.(and I use that term loosely (sit down, bauhaus))Aitken is trying to decide if he really wants to advance against an opponent who handed him his ass on a dark, rainy night.

<LI>The Elvii(as in the Royal Elvis), has decided he's nearly done kicking my ass. However, I had decided to employ a reverse slope position, and see what it would do. Unfortunately, not much, because I didn't have any long range attritionist assets to put a spank-down on his gamey man-hooverist butt. In addition, he got a lucky gun hit on the veteran Panther to which I so wisely (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) allocated all of my armor points.

<LI>Agua-Who? was all excited because he sent two turns in two days (after a seven-day drought). OOOoooo, I'm Impressed. It still is too early (kinda like forcing a dry well, if'n you know what I mean (more nudging and winking)) to tell what is going to happen.

<LI>MrSpkrhas decided that taunting Hetzers and Panthers and Mortars is fun, Oh My!

<LI>harpooner's and my scenario (Event Horizon, care of that uber-bastidge understudy of Mephistopheles (or Berli; anyone? anyone?) chrisl) has turned into some kind of freak circus. Whizz, Bang, look at that half-track go up! Lookee there, a dead Puma (ok, 2 of his dead now, but who's counting). When will my next reinforcements arrive to his rear (ok, ok, this is your hackneyed cue, bauhaus)? I hope I die before this piece of crap excuse for a scenario ends.

So. The Cess stinks, but in that familiar, kinda friendly, way that your own farts smell satisfyingly complete.

Sod Off (tried but true) and Die-a-lot (real emotion, there)!

Ya bunch O' Butt-Munchers!

[David Aitken]

Phillies Phan wrote:

> I just had a question about your old sig.

So why did you have to ask it after quoting something completely different?

"There's a splinter in your eye, and it reads REACT" is a line from Harborcoat, which has lyrics relating to the Russian Revolution.

They crowded up to Lenin with their noses worn off

A handshake is worthy, if it's all that you've got

Metal shivs on wood, pushed through our back

There's a splinter in your eye, and it reads REACT

The song is the first on their second album, Reckoning.

Welcome to the Peng Thread, incorporating Everything You Never Wanted To Know About R.E.M.! Enjoy your visit!