I wanna be sedated by the Peng Challenge

[Guest Babra]

Never apologize, Nij. Maybe in the real world, but this ain't the real world. This is the pool, the muthah-beautiful thread, the Peng Challenge, the Temple Mount of Combat Mission, the P.A. of the BTS forums, my gaming Zion.

We can disagree. It's allowed. You can taunt me about it. That's allowed. I can taunt you right back. That's expected. Don't let these wankers club ya down. They're only squires and kniggets after all, hardly worth the mouse clicks to launch the virtual projectiles that annoy them so...

Now, I see that you are a reasonable fellow, so let's not let something as unpleasant as race or politics come between us, hmmm? If we had only had a Sadat instead of a Begin! Think of the LOVE!

(And since apologies are in the air, sorry about that whole Sinai thing...)

As sala'amu alaikum

[nijis]

Wa aleikum as salaam, Brother Babra. Of course, some scholars would say that the Islamically correct response is "Wa aleikum lots and lots of unsalaam until such time as you're treading water off Cyprus," but we'll not have that.

On the topic of the Sinai, there's a story that when Sadat arrived in Jerusalem he greeted Golda Meir with a cheerful "Bonjour, Al Ubur!", Ubur meaning the Crossing, the Egyptian army's great feat of arms on 6 October. Golda was a little taken aback, but when Sadat was ready to return home she bid him off with a hearty "Bonsoir, Deversoir", a reference to the point at which Sharon had recrossed the Canal and kind of taken the luster off the original victory. Don't know if it works in translation but it sometimes gets a chuckle over here.

Anyway, if you know any scenarios where one side gets to cross a water barrier on assault boats and smash up a bunch of pillboxes, or anything remotely similar, I think it's just crying out for a rematch.

[Guest Babra]

Ugh. How dare you bring to my mind the visage of Meir!!!! She makes Mormon Wives look like sex kittens.

Sounds like Nijmegan is our puppy. You'll be the Amis (natch). Files will be slow for a bit on account of real life.

EDIT: For those who do not know my pain...

[ 04-25-2001: Message edited by: Babra ]

[MrSpkr]

You know Babra, somehow I'm not surprised that a worm infested bag of pig innards like yourself would just happen to have pic of Golda Meir. The thought of what sort of sick fantasies must run through your mind when you gaze upon her picture repulses me only slightly less than you do.

Not that I think about you. Just a figure of speech.

Updates:

Leeeo and I have traded tanks, and artillery rounds. He engaging in the incredibly gamey tactic of running away before I can overwhelm his forces. Well, he can run, but its only a matter of time before I use his steaming entrails for fish bait here in the Pool.

The rest of you gangrenous bags of plegm can SOD OFF!

MrSpkr

[Berlichtingen]

Been awhile since I've given an update...

Bauhaus... its the last turn of a titanic slug fest... I've been slugging, while Bauhaus is just a slug. I was sure he was going to win... Hell, Moriarty could have won this one, but in his typical Blousemousian manner, he has snached defeat from the jaws of victory.

Geier and I had started one of Rune's scenarios, but dropped it in favor of a Moon operation... still haven't seen the setup... I sense fear already

Germanboy... He's on holiday and its been awhile since I last saw a file... I can't even remember what we are playing

Goanna was merrily pounding every obvious position on my side of the map (too bad I didn't go with the obvious postions). He then laid in a beautiful smoke screen and sent his infantry forward... into the teeth of the less obvious positions manned by the most disciplined green and conscript trops I have ever seen. My lads held their fire to the last minute and the popped up (under cover of his smoke screen) and tore into him. Lovely, absolutely lovely.

Gyrene and I just started a small QB... not much further than setup yet... more later

Mensch (aka gamey bastard) has setup the most horrendous scenario... the map is approximately 25km wide by 400m accross. I think his copy of CM was on crack when it created this nightmare. Just finished the setup (took two days just to find my troops!)

Moriarty... Well, it is Moriarty, so I really don't need to mention where this one is going. Somewhere in the dim and distant future, Moriarty will possibly win.

Seanachai The Gods hav finally abandoned The Bard Of The Pool! He dances alone with the Devil now!!! His long string of undeserved victories is at an end! I patiently await the final reckoning.

Shandorf... no contact yet.

Peng... Awaiting Germanboy's return

I believe that is everyone

[MrPeng]

Lorak!

I have evaded defeat at the hands of MarkIV, and he has evaded the Dreaded Sign of Peng.

MarkIV - Draw

Peng - Draw

[Hamstersss]

Ahem, ze update:

PeterNZer: Poor bastard that he is, his once invincible Tigers now only add greenhouse gasses to the atmosphere. All but one, that is, which will soon be remedied. Total losses to the Allies were a fortune cookie, three pairs of trousers and the company dog.

Aitken: Ack!

Oh, a horse is a horse of course of course,

Unless that horse is a whore of course,

Like Mr. Aitken!

Goanna: Where's this new load of recruits supposed to receive their training, Ft. Jackson? No. Ft. Benning? No. On the front line? Ok.

Jd: BTS, jd is poor opponent, fix or do somefink!

Jefe: I lost, badly. Jefe beat me like a whore of a horse, of course, of course.

Armornut: Does he still post here? If not, I'll stop updating as to his state of ass-kickery.

Seanachai: Still gamey as ever. Frankly, I'm considering never playing him again as his picks are obviously the kind made after careful deliberation and desiring to win at all costs, regardless of historical accuracy or sportsmanship. Did I mention he bought a White Scout Car? Gamey gamey gamey.

That's all I could get to, this leaves MarkIV, Paw, Stuka and Abbbbotttt! which I will attend to ASAP.

[armornut]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks:

Ahem, ze update:

Armornut: Does he still post here? If not, I'll stop updating as to his state of ass-kickery.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I posted on this very thread, you silly fool. As for the game, I think attacking up a hill toward two Panthers is hard, especialy when you have no tanks. Though now you only have one Panther....soon to be none I am sure as I have slipped by your flanks and am proceeding to grind your light guns into scrap. You may win, but the losses you will experiance will not be worth the effort. So, you should just withdraw, and send me the surrender file.

Other game updates:

-Cruda has taken leave to play with him self, as well as meet Lorak so they can play together. I eXpect he is just avoiding the defeat that in coming at my hands. WANKER!

The most honorable and wise (or something) Mace is feeling the pressure of a Jabo. He has managed to take a few tanks out and inspired my troops to fight without a tea break. Well done Sir Mace

:eek: (Still trying to get Peng to suck his eyeballs out with a hoover shop vac and bleed to death very slooooowly...Bauhaus will of course have to remove it from his pants, and sit down.)

[Mark IV]

Peng, schmeng. I conquered the field quite handily, leaving death, destruction, and the Stars and Stripes in my wake.

After the game was over and the Victory mine, he jumps two companies of infantry and a couple of tanks from the back edge of the board and rushes the flags, shooting wildly, swearing in German, and harming our precious environment willy-nilly. He would have had to park the tanks sideways to get them that far back. This was his plan all along. He even admits it.

So I view this as a de facto Operation, the first battle of which I won 100-0, the second of which was a Draw.

The Rematch will not be pretty, as gutted pods ooze the most repugnant fluids.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by armornut:

Bauhaus will of course have to remove it from his pants<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

There are some things about your personal life the rest of us just don't want to know

[Lawyer]

"The Last Temptation of Elvis"

I am just starting a new game with Elvis. I will win this game. Why am I so confident, you say, when Elvis has kicked enough lardbutt in the Cesspool to start a Crisco franchise?

I have a secret weapon!

No, nothing so crude as big tanks or endless arty. That's not the Lawyer's style at all.

My weapon is BEER! Yes, good ole barley pop. Enough to cause young Elvis to abandon his ideals and skills in deference to his self-admitted quest for free beer. His weakness is open to exploitation by my clever maneuver in setting game parameters, if not on the battlefield.

You see, I have promised to buy Elvis one beer if he beats me, but THREE BEERS if he loses. Every time he has my tank in his sights or thinks about pounding me with artillery, he will be defeating himself. And so his finger will slide off the trigger and let me go....

My victory is assured.

Some of you cheapskates will obviously question why I would raise the prize for losing to three beers when Elvis would undoubtedly sell his honor for two beers. I reply that Elvis is not Peng. His admirable sense of pride will require an extra beer to wash away his values. But he will succumb. Bet on it.

In Washington, we understand that greed and money in sufficient amounts can overcome any problem. Bwahahahaha.....

Evil Jake

[ 04-25-2001: Message edited by: Lawyer ]

[imported_Wildman]

Ah.. I see the Lawyer has a one-track mind and hopes that by ignoring the battle in which he is losing it will go away.

Toooo bad now Fritz, my Steriod pumping GIs are happily kicking your paster rump. You've lost your only armor and those halftracks are useless or almost dead. I own the large victory flag and will so have the town. (by the way I loooove 60mm mortars, the made hash of those two MG42HMG teams). You can run but you can't hide!

Speedy, aka Gamey Bastard is hiding his forces, but since the are hiding away from the VL I don't really care. By the way did you like how the first shell of that arty barrage knocked out at AT gun? Fun wasn't it.

Marlow, my beloved knigget apparently thought that CM was a WWI game and rushed a full two platoon, who were then killed to the last man. It amazing how annoyed he was when he lost his entire armor in one turn.

Don't worry Croda I can wait to finish you off.

Right now I need another game and I think that pathetic spittle-boy Iskander should be my next victim. I call upon his knigget and mine to prepare a suitable file-of-honor for me to kill him with.

As for StevetheGit, SOD OFF you Highlanderhumping man-child!

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wildman:

Right now I need another game and I think that pathetic spittle-boy Iskander should be my next victim. I call upon his knigget and mine to prepare a suitable file-of-honor for me to kill him with.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Honor? I have no honor. However, I would be happy to supply you with a suitable game (sans honor of course). I will consult with the knave's Knight so that an appropriate punishment may be devised.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

Marlow, my beloved knigget apparently thought that CM was a WWI game and rushed a full two platoon, who were then killed to the last man. It amazing how annoyed he was when he lost his entire armor in one turn.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I was, of course, only upholding the long-standing 'Pool tradition of letting my lowly squire have but a brief taste of victory, so that future defeats will be that much more bitter. How can you truly agonize over the crushing humiliation that I will inflict in all future battles, when you have not first seen what it is like to win. Enjoy your moment in the sun Wildmook, for your future will be filled with much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

I will send your new File-O-Death shortly.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Marlow:

I was, of course, only upholding the long-standing 'Pool tradition of letting my lowly squire have but a brief taste of victory, so that future defeats will be that much more bitter.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Having been around since the beginning (creation, not the pool), I can state with authority that no such tradition exists. Defeated by your own squire... that had ta hurt

[stevetherat]

I knew you'd never forgive me if I hadn't told, so here goes...

It's my birthday!

I shall expect cards and presents imminently.

Wildmutt you pondering pillock, you're still bitter about that crushing and utterly humiliating defeat, arn't you? If I were you I'd end it all. How shameful for you to even post here! Poor chap, I pity you.

[Hamstersss]

Lorak!

Make sure to note that Jefe trounced me like the poor, pathetic who-ore I am. Beat me to a pulp, tore off me nipples, ran me through, severed all me veins and arts, and spat upon my exposed gizzard.

Meeks: Destroyed, a topplement so severe as to be felt by my ancestors.

Jefe: Victory so utter his men walk like gods.

[Lorak]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by stevetherat:

So the chaff is slowly being sifted from the wheat?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Bah,

Unlike you Mr.Rat I can infact keep track of two games installed at the same time. I am a game whore. Thats why I bought a PC and not a Mac (no flame wars please).

Tome update:

Peng-draw

Mark IV-draw

My games....

I am either dying, fixing to die, or trying to pull off a draw.

Lorak the loathed

[imported_Wildman]

Stevewhowantsusalltobelievehewasshaggingagirl,

Your obviously suffering from delusions of adequacy. You managed to win on an unbalanced scenario that was to test my ability to deal with great frustration. I passedt the test, so let your flogging begin.

I see that you would like someone to fulfil your inability to come up with an interesting sig, and since your such an annoying, long-haired Cosmo model, I'm going to help you out.

I call a BLOOD HAMSTER on your poor, pathetic, tired ass. I'm tired of hearing about what little prowess you had in managing a full division of armor in our battle. Your a gamey bastard with only three brain cells to rub together.

I need a map and units purchased by a (somewhat) neutral party. Anyone game?

**Standard rules apply. Your sig file will be mine for 30 days, no refund, no exchanges.**

[Iskander]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer:

I have a secret weapon!... My weapon is BEER!

Evil Jake

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

"Evil" Jake...? Was there ever a "good" one?

Anyway, 'fraid that he's right on this one, Cessers. Thing is, it's not the 'orribul temptation of Elvis "How 'bout some more 'nanners on that sammich", but rather that our reviled Consig knows how to get in touch with his Inner Croda when drunk and becomes a tactics machine.

At least, that's what I like to think was responsible for his razor-thin, barely-squeaked-by victory over me....

Oh, and off-topic:

Lorak! if you can take time away from shooting the last two guys of mine in our game, please write in letters of fire in the Great Tome that I beat mensch like a masochistic, Extasy-addled co-ed with a gin-and-soda full of Special K.

And have I ever mentioned to anyone that he's been losing since the THIRD TURN...

And since we're being OT:

"Happy are those who seize your children

and smash them against a rock!"

Ps 137

Edited 'cause I drink like Jake does...

[ 04-25-2001: Message edited by: Iskander ]

[Phillies Phan]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by stevetherat:

I knew you'd never forgive me if I hadn't told, so here goes...

It's my birthday!

I shall expect cards and presents imminently.

[<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Mediocre Birthday, Buttface!! I hope you fall down a tall flight of stairs and fall on your tailbone. I hope your neighborhood cat craps in your breakfast cereal and he spends much of his time mating with your pillow. Be sure to go to the U.K. version of Denney's and let them know that you're a Birthday boy. Perhaps they'll give you some Fish-n-Crabs or scabies. No, wait...you got that last summer.

[Speedbump]

{Flimsy Yellow Paper}

Telegram:

“To: Mrs. Agnes Speedbump

It is with deep regret that the War Department must inform you of the death of your son, Staff Sergeant Homer Speedbump. The gamey tactics of Mr. Shawdestroyed Sergeant Speedbump’s armored column. Opposing an entire squadron of Elite Fighter-Bombers, Sgt. Speedbump’s unit fought valiantly but ultimately was defeated. To add insult to injury, Mr. Shaw brought in artillery strikes on the scattered crews of the unit’s vehicles. Ultimately, only one vehicle survived the onslaught. Ironically, it was a Flak vehicle. The sacrifice of brave young men like Sergeant Speedbump will not go unforgotten, nor unpunished. Rest assured that the War Department has plans to seek revenge on Mr. Shaw.

Brigadier General Dexter Stuben

Personnel”

On another front, Iskander has been much more welcoming to a newbie. He has kindly allowed me to gain the first victory location with a minimum of casualties, while letting me nearly surround a Sturm platoon. In addition, he has graciously called in an artillery strike on his own forces. Intelligence believes that he used his cub scout compass backwards and was distracted by his troops attempts at earning their CPR badges (down Bauhaus!).

Mr. Shaw, You are ugly, repulsive, hideous, and furthermore not very pleasant to look at.

Iskander, you hide when you hear water running in the tub, you stinking, ordure savouring, harp seal torturing, misbegotten offspring of a malodorous pervert.

For the rest of you, I hold you in contempt. Now drop 'em, bend over, and cough!

Speedbump

[DekeFentle]

Update:

Leeo

The poor sod is suffering greatly in our switch sides rematch. His bunkers are falling. His Panther is about to go boom and that noise will not be coming from its cannon. Is this the best house Stuka has to offer?

Mace

This one is still in the doesy doe stage. Interesting map the VL's occupy a ridge line more or less. Last turn he got a taste of what 75mm does to infantry. It is my goal to fire every one of my HE shells from my tanks before he can get a shot off at them.

Agua Perdido

I willfully ignored his request for a meer 1500 points and jacked it up to a staggering 2000! He is confused and shaken by the number of units he now commands. Someday he'll send a turn and we'll start.

Berli

I owe the evil one a set up. I am still in the contemplation stage. This can last for a very long time as you all know I am a little slow.

joey still SUCKS. I checked, not a drop of scum anywhere to be found. No fecal matter, nothing. You can eat off the floor and every other surface with complete safety. joey joey joey, you are such a cowering, toe SUCKING refuse heap.

When the Whuppin' boy speaks, gather round and hearken well. Pain is humanities most eloquent mentor.

[Joe Shaw]

Lorak be it known that I have prevailed in my struggle against young Speedbump. The scenario Jabo! once again proved it's value to the CessPool by inflicting a Total Loss upon the lad with a final score of 92 to 8. The combined forces of Allied airpower, 155 artillery and the odd 76mm AT gun destroyed 29 of the total 32 vehicles. Two vehicles were left on the field immobilized and only ONE poor flakwagen evaded all the traps and escaped off the board. One Allied aircraft was destroyed.

I, therefore, having gone to the trouble of initiating young Speedbump into the ways of the CessPool, do hereby acknowledge him as worthy of entry into the CessPool and recommend him for the rank of SQUIRE and do hereby claim him as my second squire to be raised to the rank of first squire upon the ascendency of the worthy and noble Agua Perdido to the rank of Knight. Oh ... and don't forget:

Speedbump: Ignoble Defeat

Joe Shaw: Glorious Victory

Joe

[Berlichtingen]

Pop in and say hi

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wildman:

I need a map and units purchased by a (somewhat) neutral party. Anyone game?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I will have something to you tonight