Bill Paxton as patron saint of the Peng Challenge Thread

[Mace]

Dame Kitty is still very much active in CM, but perhaps not to the extent she once was as some Real life intervenes!

In other words YOU TAKE HER OFF THE LIST OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!!

Why is everyone here now looking at me strange...err..put down the knives guys, friends...err...collegues!!! HELP!!!!

Mace

[Lorak]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elvis:

From what I understand Germanboy is not actually playing CM these days...but he is DEEPLY invovled in CMMC. Plus I have seen him post from time to time in the outer boards.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I understand that. Anyone involved with the CMMC knows that it can kill a lot of your time. I also know that Germanboy still has to pay for his internet time by the min.

As for the MIA list. It isn't a bad thing to be on it. Notice I kept all the ratings ect... Just a place to put those I haven't seen in here in a long while. Or that I know are playing any games ect...

Lorak the loathed

[David Aitken]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Elvis wrote:

I am starting by performing what some people might consider a gamey move.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well blow me down. Johnny old bean, you don't need to state the obvious. Let us know if you even make a move that isn't gamey.

[BFCElvis]

UH OH!!!!! The Lizardgirl has written me in response to the first turn (which I have not seen yet) and had this to say about it.

"******* the ****** will be the gamiest fuc*** move of all time. Brilliant."

This quote has been edited.

[David Aitken]

Could you translate ******* and ****** ?

[Lawyer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Geier:

I must admit to being rather fond of his description of me as a cruel and unnatural man. Lucky shot most likely.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Speaking of OLD Seanachai and the few gems that remain after his torrents of words, I too was rather fondly struck when he called me a "harsh and despicable man" a few MBT's ago. You can't find that kind of poetic description of your essence just anywhere. That's why he's the Bard.

Marlow

You are numbnutz feckin' accountant who shows up here crowing about how well you are doing in our "battle" when you can't be bothered to send a turn. A little protocol lesson: Send turn, then gloat.

In view of the fact that yer stupid persistence in falling into my perfect trap of death has caused you to crow prematurely, I am awarding you my special Crow Magnum award this week for making foolish predictions and descriptions.

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elvis:

Nubering turn files is for idiots<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well thre you go - Elvira now requires turn files sent to her to be numbered.

[BFCElvis]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Could you translate ******* and ****** ? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

No. Not at this time.

[imported_Wildman]

Lorak of the pointed quill,

A moment of your time to enscribe the fall of yet another knight in a hard fought battle. Yes, I have conquered JD is a tough as nails fight. It was back and forth all the way, with the tide turning in my favor when my Jabo destroyed two tanks and an IG gun in one heroic attack.

He then countered with his StuG42 gamely placed behind some trees where I couldn't shoot at him, while he calmly and with malice in his heart, destroyed several building in which my intrepid soldiers were fighting.

I then rapidly and with great tactical acuteness manhoooovered my M10 into position and CAPPED his happy ***. Leaving him with a 234/1 and less that a platoon of effictives.

In a great game on "Move it or Lose it"

Winner par excelance: Wildman (55 points)

NON-winner: JD (44 points)

As for the rest of you chaps, especially that gamey bastige Marlow. Just wait. Like one more turn Marlow, for a special suprise!

As for Elvis and I, we have begun and I'm waiting for him to get his candy backside into gear. I swear, get a new kid and lose all sembelence of vitrol, it discusting!

[Goanna]

. . .and the Blood Hamster was joined. The Heer looked stunning in their feldgrau. My "opponent",Elvis, took the field in yellow, as is his wont. Not until they leave the field will the brown pin striping be added. It was to be one of the most difficult of all tasks, clearing a bridgehead and proceeding across. But the British, in their characteristic timidity when piloted by Major Elvis have decided instead to blow the bridge and sit on the other side on top of the large VL, ensuring the win. Oorah Elvis! I wasn’t even sure of your capability to read, but you have proved yourself positively cerebral in identifying how to win the points. However, you overlook the obvious in your schoolboy rush for the prize. The prize is still hidden, lad, and it is here where you will face your utter defeat.

You’ve ruined a beautiful setup by mensch, so go and do something else predictable for our amusement.

[Lorak]

I noticed it has been to long since I came in here and vented my frustrations at not being able to win a damn game! Now, granted, winning and losing is not whats important....but losing all the time does well...suck.

Oh and while I am venting.

BTS better give me my damn "aggressive selected, running HMG teams, with accuracy on the move, on their motorcycles being towed by horses that freeze to death in the middle of a battle"!!!!!!

Fix it or do somefink!!!!

Lorak

[Leeo]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wildman:

As for Elvis and I, we have begun and I'm waiting for him to get his candy backside into gear. I swear, get a new kid and lose all sembelence of vitriol, it discusting!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Au Contraire! (don't you just hate it when a know-nothing redneck acts like he knows French?)

Elvis and I have learned to hate each other in a special way. The rest of you simpering goobs just don't get it. Now sod-off, and go tell someone who cares.

(p.s. for Elvis; "How do I hate thee, let me count the ways....")

[Stuka]

Herr Lorak, much as it pains me to claim victory over an unsporting, gamey, cowardly foe, the last I saw of Peternz was about 3 months ago.

Seeing as all the other cool kids have been credited with wins over the sheepshagger, I must regretfully ask for another roundel to be stencilled on the fuselage of the Stukmeister.

It was turn 16 of 30 and his defenses were crumbling, I had taken one major VL, 2 minors were in doubt and the other major was still temporarily under his command. In short, he was screwed.

Lucky I numbered the file eh Elvis?

If I'd only overwritten it, I would'nt be able to see the score without old Petes password.

As for the kniggets that are MIA, I have given thought to this and wondered if listing them as "Lost on Crusades" might be more apt.

After all, they are Kniiigetts and many Kaniiigetts did end up as Saladin's bike stands.

Just a thought.

[dalem]

Ye gods no..... not another "I think MGs are broken" thread....

No...NO...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Oh yeah: MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!

[Stuka]

Ah yes, the never ending MG thread.

This is like "Groundhog day", now where is Bill Murray?

[Panzer Leader]

In an unparralelled tide of victory, I must hereby inform the wretches and leches of this sordid pit of yet another unmitigated smack-down.

Though not as exciting or sexy as my drubbing of Shandorf (and he would make a pretty girl juding by his questionable photo) I have given YET ANOTHER newbie GIT the Mutha's Boot. His name is Lars (name italicized in honor of his ZULU defense) and he has been soundly swatted in the rear. Hopefully he will know my record for giving Newbie Gits the bums rush (4 SSN's never heard from again after my thrashing).

Lars, hmm, that sounds like a Swedish name. Have I mentioned I hate swedes? What total losers. They don't wear wooden shoes, they don't plant tulips, their claim to fame is... meatballs! Ugh. About the only thing I can say about them is they have a nice flag.

Oh yeah, and on June 6th what do they celebrate? The Allied invasion of Normandy? Noooooo, they celebrate Swedish Flag Day!!! Oy vay.

Gaeiour, now there's another Swede. He thinks of himself as a cruel and unusual man. Well the only thing cruel about him is his knack for forcing his droll and witless posts on us and the only thing unnatural about him is his ability to....

Oh no, I just got an email saying Lars (no more italics for that git!) won! It turns out that although I haeld most of the flags and his troops were a quivering mass of jelly in a square of scattered trees, I still lost. Perhaps it was the fact that all my armour was sent to hell by a magical M10 on turn 1, and my troops were down to an average of 3 men per company.

Sorry Gaeiour I will go on more later. I must rethink my opinions.

In a way this is more of a slap to Shandorf than me, since lars (no more capitalization) WON AS ALLIED DEFENDING AGAINST ASSAULT!

I guess my theory is now disproved, and by the unlikeliest of opponents, to boot.

Lars (capitalization due ONLY to sentence beginning, I may ridicule people's names, but I don't mess with grammer) you report to The Tome-keeper you wanker!

[von shrad]

Fellow Poolers

Short and sweet;

I have some major surgery scheduled for Friday so I will be quite tardy on returning files. If all goes well I should be home by Tuesday, drugged and ready to go. If not, well, consider it a win for you and a loss for me.

Not to get mushy here but I want to thank all my current and past opponents here in the pool as well as the others I have not played yet. You all have been great to converse to and play and I consider it an honor to have known you all. When I think of this group several things come to mind. Thick skinned, well educated humor and fantastic gamemanship. You guy's rock.

The one and only TRUE pissboy and Goanna's personel itch scratcher/tick removal boy

[Joe Shaw]

The Scene: A hidden, secret room somewhere in the keep of the dungeon of the tower of the castle (something like that) of Sir Joe Shaw. The walls are covered with charts, maps and diagrams. There are two desks in the room, both scratched and dented from hard use. On one is the carved legend "AP was Here", on the other is a crude sketch of a female form with the legend "Speedbump goes here" and an arrow to ... well, enough of that.

Suddenly the door opens and a figure in a brown sackcloth gown hurries in, checks his watch, breaths a sigh of relief and sits in one of the desks.

Not a moment later, the door crashes open and Sir Joe Shaw enters. Upon his shoulders is a cape of royal blue and stitched upon the cape in threads of gold is the phrase, "If I turn out the lights will thee kiss me in the dark baby?" Sir Joe glowers at the figure seated at the desk and walks to the podium.

Upon the podium is a seal resembling the Seal of the President of the United States but closer examination shows the Eagle to be a vulture and the title is "Strong Enough to Gag a Buzzard." It is apparently a cast off piece of marketing for an off brand of cheese. Sir Joe presses a button and a screen crumples from the ceiling to the ground with a thump. Sir Joe looks startled and then says:

Sir Joe: Uh Lars, fix that tonight will you?

Lars: My pleasure Sir Joe. I assume that we are following the syllabus for tonight's lesson? I've completed my 16 page treatise on "The Blood Hamster, a Modern Anachronism."

Sir Joe: No lad, that must wait ... though I do NOT see a sufficiency of spittle upon the pages, re-do it by tomorrow night and this time I want to SEE evidence of your outrage at the outdated and barbarous practice.

Lars: {making notes frantically} Yes Sir Joe, more spittle, yes my liege. But what of tonight's lesson?

Sir Joe: Tonight lad we deal with a far greater issue ... GAMINESS!

Lars: {stifles a sigh but cannot help rolling his eyes} Uh ... Yes Sir Joe, as you say a Great Issue indeed, but surely we've covered that in lessons 14 - 34?

Sir Joe: {assumes a stern look on his handsome and careworn visage} Yes lad, we have covered the issue of gamey PLAYERS ... but not ... GAMEY DESIGNERS!

Lars: {gasps in astonishment} Surely no one else has dared to create another Jabo! my liege?

Sir Joe: What's that? No, no, Jabo! isn't gamey it's ... it's ...

Lars: A learning tool my liege?

Sir Joe: Exactly that, quite so, indeed. No, this DESIGNER {Sir Joe fairly hisses the word} has created a far more foul piece of work than that.

Lars: And this designer would be ...?

Sir Joe: MrPeng!

Lars: {Lars makes the sign of the evil eye and shudders in fear}. My liege, is the fight between you and Sir Berli going ill?

Sir Joe: Well ... not exactly that ... exactly ... but well how would YOU describe a scenario in which the designer first placed vehicles in a corner of the map entirely surrounded by woods and with no LOS or way to enter the fight?

Lars: Uh ... Pengish?

Sir Joe: Yes, very Pengish indeed. And then he placed my vehicles and troops in column in a position that was commanded by a 75mm IG. Berli had merely to press GO to destroy much of my column.

Lars: {valiantly attempts to stifle a giggle} Oh ... very Pengish ... and very Gamey my liege.

Sir Joe: Yes isn't it. But that's not the worst by far. No, this foul PENG fellow then gives me reinforcements of Shermans!

Lars: {Confused} I am ... confused, why would that be gamey?

Sir Joe: {in a roar} BECAUSE THE BASTICHE PUT THEM ON TOP OF A CLIFF THAT CAN'T BE CROSSED! The damn things are nothing but long range mobile direct fire artillery!

Lars: My liege that is ... diabolical ... can nothing be done? Perhaps a challenge to this Peng creature?

Sir Joe: Alas, my true and faithful squire that step has been taken anon ... mind you MENSCH has yet to finalize the details and THEN we must wait ... no doubt for ages ... for a file from Peng. But ... on to our lessons lad, a quick quiz perhaps ... how do you tell a gamey player?

Lars: If he's in the CessPool, he's a gamey bastiche my liege.

Sir Joe: Well done lad, well done.

[Seanachai]

Last night, as I attempted to compose a little challenge to a couple of our stalwarts, and to acknowledge the accepted challenge of a recent Newcomer, my new Firewire external hard drive, which for reasons unknown sometimes takes exception to any activity via a browser, suddenly began to spew blood, interrupted my connection, and eventually completely froze the computer.

It was late, so I went to bed. Most of this evening has been spent getting computer back, firewire drive back, and puzzling over why the drive does not like the computer to be connected to the internet. I shall have to spend time this weekend communicating with La Cie and asking them to explain this anomaly. They, of course, will blame it on Apple. When contacted, Apple will advise me to communicate with the HD manufacturer. Both will eventually demand that I upgrade my OS, and then shrug and begin a new round of finger pointing when something else breaks. Possibly I might get some help at MacFixit.

In any case here is the post I began last night.

Ah, yes, and before I slouch off like some rude beast towards the Bethlehem of sleep, I need to address certain matters of mine own honour.

Lorak, most wonderfully Loathed. Mark IV, most witty and ironic of opponents. I accept your Challenges. Setups go out tomorrow night. Why tomorrow? Because it's bloody late, 87º at 1 AM, and I'm still, roughly speaking, employed.

Lorak, after our last match, I could only conclude that the first game you chose to play against an opponent was the hook, the CM equivalent of 'three card monty'. I look forward to the arse-kicking you will no doubt hand-out in this, our rematch. Either that, or I shall take the greatest delight in pounding you into the ground like an earnest, educated, well-spoken Irish fence-post.

Mark IV, who has twice defeated me, and earned a double helping of bile. I have waited, I have bided my time, I have witnessed the pattern of your deterioration. You have been too long, laddie, in the land of the lotus. You have mixed too thoroughly with Californians to be worthy of victory. Your wit remains sharp, but your environment has degraded you to an extent that makes you easy prey; a sort of CM eunich, with all your faculties retained, but the very pith of your being sapped, enervated, and made nothing.

Let us see if you can shake off the influences of a job, a landscape, and a lifestyle more appropriate for an impotent Roman Senator from the late period of Empire, than a CM tactician absorbed by issues of honour.

Finally, let me just say that a certain well-mannered and overly courteous individual, styling himself R_Leet (horrible name, quite inappropriate...it seems, actually, to be his real name, the pillock) did indeed show up here, last Thread incarnation, and challenge me to a game.

I take that challenge up with a right good will. This R_Leet fella, who I simply cannot continue to go to the trouble of using all the appropriate keys on the keyboard when addressing, and so shall address him in future as RLeet, is welcome here.

I say that by way of courteous belittlement. His challenge to me, while quite gentlemanly, and doing him credit, lacked a certain bile, a certain harshness, a certain viciousness. Mind, I imagine that, unlike most of you, he was sober at the time.

I can only hope that, as our game progresses, he lets the belt out a notch, undoes a stay or two, and loosens his societal corset enought to address some harsh and witty words to me.

Now, because of the unpleasantness with the drive last night, and the attempt to make everything behave this evening, likely most turns won't go out until later tomorrow night.

Oh, and how wonderful the diversity of the 'Pool! I was quite taken with Lawyer and Leeo's personal recitations of 'The Town Mouse and the Country Mouse'.

[Joe Shaw]

[serious] von shrad, best of luck and get well soon. There aren't enough of us as it is, we can't afford to lose any ... [/serious] ... except for PeterNZer of course.

Joe

[David Aitken]

PBEM Report

PawBroon is retreating at a rate of approximately two turns a week in rune's Caen Mutiny. Looks like you're in for a bit of trouble back at HQ, boyo...

I was just about to put a stop to Leeo's advance in rune's Wide Front when he started claiming that his e-mails are being returned. Leeo, I sent you an e-mail yesterday, let me know if you didn't get it and I shall knock some heads together at my ISP.

I nearly knocked Panty Liner completely off balance with a Cromwellian pre-emptive strike in our rainy defense-against-the-assault scenario. However, due to the shortcomings of the game (and not my bizarre tactics, no, not at all) the tanks only inflicted about 1:1 damage before they were retired from service. I was about to withdraw when he marched some recon vehicles and infantry into my left-flank company, so I thought I might as well blow them up.

MrSpnky, after failing to pull off what he indicated was going to be a killer blow on my infantry, has resorted to meaningless lawyer-type statements such as "that turn was inconclusive at best". He had a fair few guns, but then I had a fair few shells, and the shells proved very effective. I had an enjoyable duck shoot as he charged a few platoons of Fallschirmjäger across open ground through a hail of machinegun fire and 3in mortar blasts because for some reason he'd placed them all off on the flank where they were no use whatsoever.

armornut is MIA.

I have blown up some of Stalin's Organ's stuff and he has blown up some of mine. He has gamily brought a bunch of AT guns to a meeting engagement. We are currently occupying opposite sides of a couple of large hills after chucking lots of big shells at each other.

I am about to be assaulted by Lawyer in Germanboy & Berli's To The Last Man (or Bis Dem Letzten Mann since it says that on my Stalingrad DVD and it's about the only part of the film I understand since it's all in German). I intend to sue him for damages, for violating my mental aura and for masquerading as a German.

Correction: My Stalingrad DVD says Bis Zum Letzten Mann. I'm sure you were all about to point that out.

[ 08-02-2001: Message edited by: David Aitken ]

[MrSpkr]

[serious]Good luck, von Shrad. Get well soon.[/serious]

Updates:

Wildman has not returned the last turn to me, so I am not sure how badly his gamey-shooting-through-entire-buildings-to- kill-my-men forces defeated my gallant soldaten.

Marlow has recovered enough from his early drubbing to launch a two prong attack on my men. Unfortuantely for him, his forward observer has ordered his artillery down right on top of his advancing troops, so I expect these attacks to fail as spectacularly as the first one.

jshandorf just ran a couple of squads into a building, then blew it up with his own artillery. Perhaps he is hoping the gore will sicken my troops?

leeo and his gamey Star Trek transporter troops are taking a toll, but they are not so many and I have reinforcements.

Dalem has vanished. I suspect his men are building a scaffold to hang him from after his initial abortive attack.

Speedbump['s never-ending campaign continues. This time, he is showcasing his running ability. Honestly, I have never seen ANYONe retreat as fast as he is doing in our little match.

Aitken has battered my infantry a bit, and destroyed most of my support weapons with his gamey one-shot, one-kill off board artillery, but now we are in close combat where my superior firepower will give me an edge.

Berli and I continue to advance upon each other.

Lawyer lost a tank within the first fifteen seconds of our match to my intrepid panzerschreck. Now he has retaliated by burning one of my assault guns. Really, though, he should simply bow to the inevitable and surrender now.

That's all. The rest of you bugger off.

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

I have blown up some of Stalin's Organ's stuff and he has blown up some of mine. He has gamily brought a bunch of AT guns to a meeting engagement. We are currently occupying opposite sides of a couple of large hills after chucking lots of big shells at each other.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

2d. Wotz gamey about it yah moaning sod? And FYI my best killer of pathetic German uber-tanks so far is a 75mm infantry gun!

Besides, we learned it from that awfully decent chap Rommel in the dessert, he wasn't too bad for a hun y'know, and damned handy it is too!

XXIX.(VII)/ I haven't noticed you chucking any big shells around at all - seems you might've run out of rickets, and really those little 105's hardly count in big boy's games!

[ 08-02-2001: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ]

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by von shrad:

I have some major surgery scheduled for Friday so I will be quite tardy on returning files.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Von Shrad, mate, all the best!

We want you back shortly, especially me as I want to add you to my victim's list!

I also look forward to the surgery AAR.

Mace

[Geier]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

Oh yeah, and on June 6th what do they celebrate? The Allied invasion of Normandy? Noooooo, they celebrate Swedish Flag Day!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Your knowledge is perfectly astounding. Any particular reason why we should celebrate D-Day in Sweden? France, for instance, keeps celebrating the ludicrous Bastille Day instead of D-Day.

I know it is hard to fathom for someone whose country hasn't been around very long, no scratch that. Anything is hard to fathom when you are a useless and moronic little doofus (in the pure Old Testament sense) who is too full of cretinous icky bits to know when he's out of his depth.

Why not go with Lars to an airshow (I hear Uzbekistan is lovely at any time of year) and get sucked into an engine?

On to more interesting matters:

Lorak you mad individual. The creature known not only as Hakko Ichiu (aka Ethan aka Professor Doktor Hamster X aka Sparky?) is alive and unwell and playing me while writing the Grog-Porn equivalent of "War and Peace".

The others on your list has from what I can tell bothered to leave notice of their absence and/or departure. All except one.

For my opponents. WE know and appreciate that you have not been receiving the same sort of service as you have come to expect from the Old Firm, ie swift, messy and painful death. Please rest assured that we are trying to solve the technical problems and that your demise IS important to us.

We aim to please.