The PENG Challenge Thread Goes To The Dogs

[chrisl]

Originally posted by Hamsters:

Based on this alone, we would like to file a motion with Lorak that OGSF gains the victory and Elvis the loss for this battle. If the Mutha Beautiful Thread means anything, this stupid blighter should be rewarded for such a fine piece of humor. Come, Lorak, look in your foul heart and realize that this is more important than any score.

Seconded.

All in favor-- at least two of us (despite Hamsters' multitudinosity).

All against can keep their bloody traps shut.

Lorak--make it so.

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"I HATE THIS GAME, YOU AND THIS SCENARIO" -jd

[Seanachai]

When I began the game, and heard the buzz of engines over my head, I

thought: Ah! An opponent who has chosen Jabos. This will be a good

learning experience, as I haven't often faced them. When I lost my

first AFV to a Tiger, I felt a presentiment of doom, but congratulated

myself on at least having hit it, though I accomplished nothing. When I

realized that I was facing both a King Tiger, and a Jagd Tiger, I knew a

certain resentment, but shrugged it off. The challenge is all, and some

of the VLs were in terrain that could be defended, even against

Ubertanks. When my last AFV died hopelessly, and when I'd exhausted my

artillery without managing a track or gun hit, and I realized yet a

third AFV was in play, as well as infantry, I knew that Meeks, perhaps

in revenge for the entire 'Schism' episode, had come prepared to crucify

me, pounding silver nails through my hands and feet. I was prepared for

my martyrdom. I cast my eyes up to heaven (where that goddamn plane was

still buzzing around, shooting the individual wheels off my support

vehicles in a leisurely and arrogant way) I quivered with the anguish of

combat and cried out "Peng, Peng, why hast thou forsaken me?"

But amidst my suffering, suddenly one bright moment occurred! Meeks

assaulted one VL with the the third AFV (a StuGIII), and a platoon of

infantry, charging them in an insolent manner into my waiting infantry.

It was classic! It was perfect! Right into the jaws of death, they

charged, Oh Peng! And Lo! The were decimated! The infantry

shattered! The StuG at risk! And I relaxed, ready to give up my soul,

ready to let the Ubertanks roll over me. I had not fought in vain.

Though over-matched, I had done what I could, and achieved this one good

moment in an otherwise total loss. And I knew a moment of peace, there

in the ruin of my game.

And then, Oh Peng, did you see it? Did you read the next email? Turn

your face away, thou that wouldst not hear it. Meeks tells me he felt

the force selection was 'too gamey', and he had run the StuG III and

infantry to their death on purpose! Is not my defeat, my pain, enough,

but that like Herod he must mock my suffering?! Must my one bright,

shining moment of achievement be rent from me, and cast back in my face

with arrogant laughter (alright, he didn't actually laugh and mock me,

he was rather nice about it, the useless sod, but I mean, really, why

not just kick me in the groin)?

Look not down, Oh thou heavens. Look away, Peng, thou fabulous swine.

For here is a tale of the evil men (and, well, hamsters) do, the

mockery, the abuse, and the trifling your servants must face in this

vale of tears.

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Tremble, tyrants and you perfidious opprobrium of all the parties,

Tremblez! your parricidal projects finally will receive their prices!

But these sanguinary despots, But these accomplices of Berli,

All these tigers which, without pity, Bauhaus the centre of their mother!

We will enter the career When our elder is not there any more,

We will find there their dust And the trace of their virtues

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

why not just kick me in the groin?

I second the motion. All in favor say aye

[Guest Germanboy]

Originally posted by Stuka:

Unlike yourself Andy old buddy, I have a fairly happy outlook on life, I wake up every day with the sun shining, the birds singing and my lovely wife beside me.

Leaving out the missus - you live in Australia. Try living here for over three years and see if you can keep the hapy outlook on life up. Wanna swap?

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Andreas

Der Kessel

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[Guest Germanboy]

Originally posted by Goanna:

Germanboy is a gamey bastard

Germanboy is a gamey bastard

who has Goanna in such a terror that the latter dares not return the setup file sent a long time ago.

But I am sure he will blame it on the poor, innocent Pukkah Wallahs at the Omani state-owned ISP.

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Andreas

Der Kessel

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[Goanna]

I can, in fact, claim just so, you who I do not believe in. Please forward this setup to Goanna, care of some hot rock, middle of fecking nowhere, the desert.

And here I thought you were snubbing me simply for my disbelief.

Quit yer wingeing. How'd you like to be me? I live in Australia but am in Oman instead.

[Guest Germanboy]

Originally posted by Goanna:

I can, in fact, claim just so, you who I do not believe in. Please forward this setup to Goanna, care of some hot rock, middle of fecking nowhere, the desert.

That is soooooo like the wannabe Pommie you are matey. Blame it on the Wogs.

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Andreas

Der Kessel

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[stevetherat]

Holy flamewar!

What's going on here? Andy flaming Pandy, what's got your goat? The pressures of work, no doubt.

Yes, I know, we lead a hard life here in Mighty Blighty and a passenger like yourself finds it hard to bear sometimes but, fear not, help is at hand in the form of a cool, soothing beverage. I offer you a cup of heartfelt liquid aid (and that PansyNZer if he's around) on Friday after an obviously hard slog at the office.

I offer myself up to help unladen your woes. Come, lay your troubles on my wide and trusty shoulders and, from then, walk taller and straighter.

StR

[Goanna]

Great idea, ratboy. But whatever you do, don't mention the war.

All this talk of the minneehoohainions and anglo saxons getting together for a drink is making me thirsty, frankly.

My game with Irvine Welsh has started well with a sniper (screw those sharpshooters, I hacked the code and my snipers are real snipers) currently adding buddha's all seeing third eye to several of his TCs

[Stuka]

Originally posted by Germanboy:

Try living here for over three years

I have actually lived in the UK for a 3 year stint, back when I was a motorcycle racing uberStar. (and didn't the girlies love it)

Honestly, it is a bit of a dump, I can see why you like it so much.

BTW, is this the same germanboy who so recently spat fire and brimstone at me? Have the dark clouds parted? Has a little ray of sunshine entered your grey existence? Why, you seem almost..*sniff*..humorous today.

I might have to give some thought to the continuance of our game.....ahh yes, here it is.... *picks game out of trash can and blows dust off*

[Forever Babra]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

I second the motion. All in favor say aye

What do you think this is? A Democracy? A Constitutional Monarchy?

Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

[Croda]

The Academy Award Winning Nefarious Legion of Croda, Inc. (Yes, we won an Academy award Sunday night. You probably missed it as it was anounced during the "Awards Presented at some other ridiculous ceremony that no one cares to waste an ATP over.") is looking for a Squire to joust his own pissboy-serfboy-bootlicker-mollusk Hamsters. You may have seen these Hamsters darting about the place, well here is your chance to squash them yourself. Cleave open their heads, smoosh their pea-sized brains into paste, and serve them on Melba Toast to the Old Crone's Bridge Club at Monte Carlo night.

Who here has a Squire in need of a joust? A squire that hasn't left the premises, that is.

(Feel free to notice my lack of acknowldegement of the brightest star in the Galaxy).

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Woot! - Maximus2k

Stick around while the clown who is sick does the trick of disaster.

You are quite correct, but sniper is an easier term to use than 'Semi-regular soldier hiding out and shooting enemies unawares.' - wwb_99

The New CessPool

I AM CRODA, ENEMY OF THE SCIENTIFIC PROCESS, EVOLUTIONARY PROCESS AND REPRODUCTIVE PROCESS. PETERNZ OWNS MY SIG FILE AND MY MEAGRE SOUL: ANY REASONABLE OFFER ACCEPTED

[stevetherat]

OK Corpus, subject to the approval of my sponsor, I put myself forward for a thorough seeing to by your mass of fur and whiskers.

I will, of course, win hands down which, in the process, will embarrass you to the point of suicide. Two birds, one stone. Very economical. Even Germanicsquib would appreciate the simplicity of this doctrine.

Please consult PansyNZer for further details.

StR

[BFCElvis]

While I think the frog in the bucket thing is funny as hell you stop your whinning about what the computer gave you. I do not have vets but I also didn't run a platoon across 75m of open ground towards my know position thereby finding yourself light one platoon in about 90 seconds. I would say it is more like beating a badger in a bucket than a frog.

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"When they finally put you in the ground..I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down" Elvis Costello

[Mark IV]

'Tis true, the wretch elvis has, through an accounting error, logged a tactical victory over our Hero (me) at the low, low tally of 68-32. And the AI did indeed autosurrender my bravely-fighting a$$ while I was in the midst of exacting terrible revenge on the elventruppen.

Actually it wasn't all that exact, or terrible, there being one operational AFV still cranking out the elv-wurst at the gamey end. It was about the last turn anyway.

The AI is a gamey bastard, someone once said. And so it is. The major cause of this upset was my failure to comprehend that this scenario was conceived as a Meeting Engagement; I approached it as an Attack across a huge open expanse (thus a rather rare use of smoke). And I had CENSORED troops, the lamest barstids in the game. Also the sun was in our eyes and my leg hurt.

No matter, my mistake, I pay the consequences cheerfully. There is a song in my heart, knowing that any tactically competent opponent could have pulled a Major out of this, left-handed, while piloting a dirt bike naked through a cactus nursery full of angry bees with the other.

A word of advice to those who would play elvis: hope he takes plenty of armor. In fact, give him yours. If all his %&^$#^&%* infantry had been tanks I would have won this thing.

Btw, this was by the runething and I would have to endorse it as a good medium PBEM with lots of death. Don't read the spoilers above. References available upon request.

[jshandorf]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Also:

Shandorf and DekeFentle:

It is my belief that we are meeting at Kieran's tomorrow evening, correct? I have this creeping feeling that I may not have sent emails to you two acknowledging my readiness to be there. I will from home tonight, but I post here as a backup. However, as I work far west until roughly 5 or so, I probably won't be able to hit downtown until @5:30. Will be in further touch.

AAAACK!

God heavens, I almost forgot. Okay. I can stay for a beer or two but now more. I have heaps of homework to do (grrrr....) and little time to get it done.

I will be there around 5:30.

Jeff

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Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

[Joe Shaw]

Weighty matters, my friends (and Andreas), we have weighty matters before us this day. Let us, or at least me, examine the record thusfar:

Berli apparently roused himself from his customary tupor: Aye! Knight them!

This isn't CHECKERS Berli in which we reward someone merely for moving from point A to point B. More on this later.

Goanna revealed not only his ignorance but his lack of wit: See, now I knew I was going to have to explain this. I do believe, my neuronically challenged comrade, that I did spell the word I intended to place in my message correctly. The word was meant to be an allusion to the Falaise Pocket...

{sigh} Yes, yes Goanna trust me, we understood the reference ... having been steeped in CMBO for these many months I THINK that a reference to the Falaise Pocket would have been tumbled to. MY reference was a clever (no wonder YOU didn't pick up on it) play on words due to the fact that FILET and FALAISE sound somewhat alike when pronounced. I'm surprised you didn't discover that since I don't doubt you pronounce (albeit softly and with moving lips) EVERYTHING you read.

Germanboy is a gamey bastard

Now that's just about enough of that Goanna ... we have ZERO evidence of Germanboy's parentage.

In reference to Berli's incomprehensible suggestion that his worthless and insolent squire be knighted, Goanna quite rightly rebutted (sit DOWN Bauhaus):In short NO FRICKIN WAY! Neither of these two squires have posted anything even slightly amusing about their joust. Must I remind you that they are here

soley for our amusement ...

Oh well said, Lizardboyo, you see, if you put your mind to it even YOU can post relevant and coherent thoughts. I have nothing to add.

I demand that Coleslaw pit Aquaman against another. He's a nasty piece of work and should provide the required vitriol.

You are hardly in a position to DEMAND anything Goanna, but I shall put it to my Loyal and Trusty Squire Agua Perdido. It's important, I've found, to grant the squire some latitude in games to be played, too many games and they forget the lessons. Many of you {couBerligh} could stand to pay attention to my lesson plan for squires.

Berli ATTEMPTED to respond to my righteous wrath by squeaking:Damned well done. Keep this up and you'll get your spurs in no time.

Hah! I think the voice of the CessPool has spoken on THIS issue ... let the lad learn his place and provide us with some entertainment (and cease with his EVIL scrolling ways) and perhaps we MAY consider him for Knighthood, until then he would do well to review the posts of MY Worthy and Trusty Squire Agua Perdido for tips on how a squire should conduct himself.

Hate to say this (the hell I do), but he's got you there. Before the Mad Bald Fiend upgraded the forum, we were side scolling

around page 20 or so.

FINALLY we see Berli taking his duty as a Knight seriously ... let that be a lesson to the young squire.

Perhaps your feeble brain has failed to grasp whose squire he is

Not at all my bearded friend, I give thanks each and every day that the lad is NOT my squire but rather yours. THAT is the ONLY reason I haven't turned my holey justified wrath upon his sorry carcass, but if you continue to neglect the lad's training I predict dire consequences.

There you have it then, my views on the many issues that have populated my computer over the night. Let the CessPool take them into account in their deliberations.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[This message has been edited by Joe Shaw (edited 03-27-2001).]

[PeterNZer]

Crodakins, my evil and slightly stupid former co-squire and now co-kinigit, Is this to be a joust for kinigithood?

If so, then Stevethegit can play, but on a map of MY chooosing and MY design. Those are the rules. I like to see my squire frolick and play and I'm sure him and Hamy will have a grand old time being crap players on a map of my concoction.

If it is just to be a generic battle. Well I can probably accept it, but want to purchase the units for your squire, and you can purchase the units for mine. Deal?

Let me know your desires (SDB!) of the CM-not-carnal-kind and we'll take it from there.

PeterNZ

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- Official owner of the sig files of Dalem, Croda and JeffShandorf -

Der Kessel scenario design group

Combat Vision movies

[Croda]

Do you honestly think that either of these two morons is ready to Kaniggetized? No way José. This is a battle for our amusement, pure and simple. Send me your thoughts on the parameters, I have a few thoughts of my own. I'd love to chose RatBoy's units.

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Woot! - Maximus2k

Stick around while the clown who is sick does the trick of disaster.

You are quite correct, but sniper is an easier term to use than 'Semi-regular soldier hiding out and shooting enemies unawares.' - wwb_99

The New CessPool

I AM CRODA, ENEMY OF THE SCIENTIFIC PROCESS, EVOLUTIONARY PROCESS AND REPRODUCTIVE PROCESS. PETERNZ OWNS MY SIG FILE AND MY MEAGRE SOUL: ANY REASONABLE OFFER ACCEPTED

[Hamsters]

Originally posted by PeterNZer:

Hard to believe I can survive all by myself, isn't it?

You idiot, of course this is a joust for knighthood. Someone needs to find a good, weird map. Someone else needs to set the weather, landmarks, time of day, et cetera and then it needs to be passed to some other knight for the units. Make sure they're craptacular and all with lots of reinforcements. We want death in droves. Remember, the Knight's Challenge needs to have either hundreds of burning buildings or, barring that, 5 300mm FOs and 1 14" FO.

[DekeFentle]

Seanachai & Shandorf

It would appear 5:00 has turned into 5:30. I will be at a table with laptop open. hopefully that should serve to identify me.

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Winning is why we play!

[PeterNZer]

poor, stupid Hamsters your apointed Kinigit says it's NOT a joust. So it ain't. Argue with him

PeterNZ

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- Official owner of the sig files of Dalem, Croda and Joe Shaw -

Der Kessel scenario design group

Combat Vision movies

[stevetherat]

Jesus Petal! What are you doing?

Cradle picking MY forces! Holy ****, this ain't gonna be nice.

[Croda]

Originally posted by Hamsters:

You idiot, of course this is a joust for knighthood.

Pissboy, see my comments above. This is not for Kaniggetization because you are now worthy of the dog crap on the bottom of my boot. This is an exhibition match for NZer and I to gauge the craptacularasity of our ultra-slave serf-boys. I'll let you know where and when you fight. Until then, practice your boot-licking, because you are a sorry waste of good O2

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Woot! - Maximus2k

Stick around while the clown who is sick does the trick of disaster.

You are quite correct, but sniper is an easier term to use than 'Semi-regular soldier hiding out and shooting enemies unawares.' - wwb_99

The New CessPool

I AM CRODA, ENEMY OF THE SCIENTIFIC PROCESS, EVOLUTIONARY PROCESS AND REPRODUCTIVE PROCESS. PETERNZ OWNS MY SIG FILE AND MY MEAGRE SOUL: ANY REASONABLE OFFER ACCEPTED

[Hamsters]

Originally posted by Croda:

Pissboy, see my comments above. This is not for Kaniggetization because you are now worthy of the dog crap on the bottom of my boot. This is an exhibition match for NZer and I to gauge the craptacularasity of our ultra-slave serf-boys. I'll let you know where and when you fight. Until then, practice your boot-licking, because you are a sorry waste of good O2

Point of order, we're squires or pissboys, not serfs. Now, let's make this a joust for knighthood so we can get some real, rabid AARs going on. The previous jousts have been nothing but namby-pamby whining. Stevetherat and ourselves would have a jolly ol' time tearing each other to pieces and would happily post responsibly. Come on, if we lose, we promise to actually act like your squire.