The PENG Challenge Thread Goes To The Dogs

[Berlichtingen]

FOO*KICK*BAR!

Edit *KICK* your *KICK* feckin' *KICK* post!

[Berlichtingen]

Ah! Page 2... much better. For those of you who were annoyed by the wide post by my squire, tough s**t!

[Stuka]

Ahh Berli, Battle setterupperer extraordinaire! I really should thank you, I won't, but I should.

I have spent the best part of an hour rolling on the floor laughing at the demise of a GermyBoy armoured car.

Let me set the scene:

A foggy French township in a vineyard on a map concocted by the mind of the Evil One. Reinforcements are turning up every turn or so and not before time too, as the speed demon A/C's of the "I'm not gamey" Germanboy, are racing through town at breakneck speed, scouting out whatever they can see. Confident in his ability to use speed to save his worthless arse, Germy has cunningly sped an A/C through town and up to a hillock overlooking the said township. His cruel germanic mind already plotting the bombardment of my poor troops as they move to protect their homes. The only fly in the ointment here, gentle reader, is that the Uber-Genius has parked right in the same picnic area that the legend himself (thats Berli) has plotted for my next band of reinforcements to arrive....Ho Ho ho, oh how I did snigger as I hit the "reinforcements have arrived button" in order to see germy's A/C stuck smack bang in the middle of an Allied armoured column!

How I did giggle as I hit the "play" button, to see the A/C targetted simultaneously by numerous sharp, pointy things. The only contribution to the war effort Germy's A/C made was a loud pfuuurt! from the direction of the commander's lederhosen an instant before the A/C was ventilated.

So far Squirmingirl has lost two A/Cs and a H/T. Me? Well, one of my men is a tad miffed as the explosion from the A/C made him drop his baguette, and now its got dust on it.

For this you will pay Andreas, you will pay dearly.

[Guest Germanboy]

Originally posted by Stuka:

Pointless rambling about me being gamey

Stuka my lad. Before going down this road (which will be embarassing for you, let me assure you), try a test scenario. Buy some troops, put them in houses, then take an AC and run it through the town. Let me take the suspense away from you like you just spoiled my turn (thanks for that, BTW) - you won't spot anything because of the superb modeling of CMBO. Fast driving ACs don't spot very well. I still have no idea what killed AC one at the opposite end of the town and I have yet to see any of your troops.

So, since I am a tad miffed of your second accusation of gameyness, wrong as it is, and your spoiling of my turn, how about this for a suggestion:

Shut the feck up about something you have no clue about (in this case the spotting model for fast-moving vehicles), or ask me for a surrender file. Because if it is your intention to continue the running commentary of our game in this vein, I have better things to do. Just to make this very clear. Gameyness is a bit of a sore spot for me at the moment, so you can either leave that sort of trash-mongering or see me leave the game. Your choice.

If this is your attempt at humour - it is NOT appreciated.

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Andreas

Der Kessel

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[BFCElvis]

Wankers.

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"When they finally put you in the ground..I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down" Elvis Costello

[Herr Oberst]

All I can say is that with the un-estimable Mr. Shaw in charge, I'm just damn glad that this isn't "The PENG Challenge Thread Goes To The Mormon Wives" Thread.

For those of you waiting for turns, grab yerself and hold on... Any luck it'll be this evening.

I expect Crawdad is just as happy with the delay as it lets his troops clean their pants for that last desperate rusdh to the map edge and oblivion.

The match with Barbarella is turning out to be a bit of a cat fight, as he makes good use of the full Liberty ship's worth of arty he purchased on my right flank, while on my left its "Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm hunting mortar carriers". And in the center, my flamethrowers are routing his troops out of the buildings and the gerbils are mowing them down in the streets like the mongrel yankee dogs they are....

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To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee...

[This message has been edited by Herr Oberst (edited 03-26-2001).]

[mensch]

ok, aside from the normal Boot Lickers here in the thread.. anyone ever bother to read OFSFABDSDEF45Z or what ever alphabet he chooses for his god damn fecking name? I mean he spells worse then me!! Most of it dribble and for a good serious yawn. Where does this guy come from? why the heck does he not use deodrant and I am quiet disturbed he puts hamsters in his shorts.

right so why pick on OFGH? why not hes a twit.. moron peck and a sea cucumber all mixed into one.. with traces of Hillbilly and Coon!

now.. I'm off to go play with Stukas red little wagon.. or was her name Lindy? Libby? Lola? ach it won't matter of the name it will just be Oh baby, come to papa.. whos your daddy..and assorted screams.

edited for berlis sake

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www.derkessel.com Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

"So if it is a coy of flamethowers lighting up everything in sight like a Mongolian barbecue chef gone postal, and your opponent is OK with it, PLAY ON!"

-The_Capt

[This message has been edited by mensch (edited 03-26-2001).]

[Joe Shaw]

Goanna crawled out from beneath his rock long enough to hiss: See I had him trapped in what I affectionately called the Bag-O-Death and was preparing to falaise his ass real good (little joke for you grogs there, Ok just for the one grog, but than I don't beleive in him anyway)

Trapped is as trapped does, that's what my momma always says. As to your Grog joke, it would have been funnier if you had SPELLED it correctly ... it's FILET his ass ... but you came close on the pronunciation.

And Berli ... better late than never I suppose but at least you did ATTEMPT to control the situation. As to my heritage vis a vis the CessPool, I would suggest that my heritage here is equal to yours ... shall we compare squires now?

Germanboy ... lighten up buddy, I doubt seriously that ANYONE here thinks that you, of all people, use gamey tactics ... like the one that Berli is using on me for example ... or the ones that Mace is using ... and jd of course ... Goanna ... {sigh}

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[jd]

Lorak, prepare the cup of bitter herbs and scrive thusly....

Hamsters has well and truly buried us. I have sent my surrender.

Pawbroom and I have managed to settle our match with a draw, neither of us truly excelled in this one.

Hamsters - win

jd - loss

Pawbroom - draw

jd - draw

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•Non illegitimi carborundum est

•If frogs had uzi's, snakes woudn't mess with them so much. - Hiram

[jd]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Ya mean like blowing up your tanks Joe? That gamieness? Sorry, I will make amends and promise never to do it again!

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•Non illegitimi carborundum est

•If frogs had uzi's, snakes woudn't mess with them so much. - Hiram

[Agua Perdido]

Updates, because I hate you all:

Croda was unpleasantly surprised to learn that my Mortars of Culinary Vengeance still have ammo. Many turns of wacky meat-grinder attrition are sure to follow, and the game could still break either way.

Seanachai was unpleasantly surprised to discover my AT Gun of Gustatory Retribution, which nicely KOed his SP Gun. Granted, I am rather discomfited by his heavy mortars, but I'm not the one who has to rush my stout defense. Heaping servings of death for all in this one, though I'm not confident of the outcome.

DekeFentle was unpleasantly surprised by the shoot 'n' scoot ability of my Master Chef Hellcat of Vindication, which has KO'd two StuG's in three shots at 400m+ and heaped DF HE on Deke's hapless infantry screen. (My Sous-Chef Minitank of Reassurance had already dropped a building on a Vet FT team). A few turns of mopping-up remain, but the defense is cracking, in spite of the open terrain over which I have to assault.

stevetherat is already whining (which is unpleasant, but certainly not a surprise) about how unfair the map is for our rematch. I note that my above game forced me to attack over terrain with about as much cover as an empty parking lot, and I've had good success without even using smoke. Of course, he will be attacking me, and not a fenderhead like DekeFentle, so he shows uncanny prescience in foretelling his own doom. This one's as good as in the bag. You may enclose your surrender with your first turn's orders.

Leeo (to no one's surprise) is an unpleasant, slow-moving git who's had my setup for several hours and still hasn't sent the first turn's orders, even after I considerately delayed doing my setup for nearly a week to give him time to plan. He will join Lem Li in the Hell of Being Cut to Pieces.

Derision, scorn, etc. for the rest of you louts.

Agua Perdido

[Edited for bad formatting of culinary vengeance.]

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Feel the pain of outlaw cinema!

[This message has been edited by Agua Perdido (edited 03-26-2001).]

[Joe Shaw]

Derision, scorn, etc. for the rest of you louts.

Excepting, of course, your leige? Nice report on your games ... is it time for lunch yet?

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Hamsters]

Originally posted by jd:

Hamsters has well and truly buried us. I have sent my surrender.

Now say it with a little more passion than that. After returning from a grueling, 20 mile, cross-country ski out to Glacier Point (In god's own country, the beautiful Yosemite), we find that jd, the evil, evil jd, has finally thrown in the towel or, at least, what's left of it. 100 men surrendered, 200 dead, 4 vehicles kaput (One kaput due to surrender, so we don't count that one) and all this after a cowardly display by our forward outpost early in the game. The entire battle turned on the brilliant and heroic actions of a single platoon using jd's own smoke as its cover, charging straight into the thick of jd's attack. When the smoke cleared, well over a gross of jd's corn-fed Iowans lay stacked like so much cordwood. Total topplement.

In other news:

Goanna refuses to acknowledge the total whupping it is receiving at our hands. Remember, in the great Rochambeau of life, insane hamsters beats philosophical lizard.

Roborat is a twit, we'll get to this later.

Jefe has four tanks to our one!!! Obviously the cheating, gamey, stupid, incontinent, ugly, evil, evil, evil bastard has hacked into the CM code and fed the computer one of Mensch's brownies, thereby forcing it to give me ****e and him the entire 3rd armored division. We will never, ever, ever play against Jefe with computer assigned troops again.

Stuka just killed an entire platoon of ours in 3 seconds. This would be sad except we just downloaded the Cesspool faces mod and it means that Stuka has committed suicide to the nth degree. This means he not only rots in hell but rots deep, down where Berli keeps his socks.

PeterNZer continues to kill our men in some sadistic, 'Wheeee!!! I get five Tigers and you get lots and lots of ****ty British tanks!!' operation. The only highlight is lighting Wittman's tank on fire and then gunning down the Hun bastard. Hopefully reinforcements will include Fat Man.

MarkIV got a lucky hit with a 37mm gun and now thinks he's Stonewall reborn. He has decided the entire left flank is poor terrain to attack and has concentrated his entire reinforced corps in three squares of woods on his right.

Seanachai gunned down our men in typical gamey fashion. Our jabo has now ventilated his scout car's spare tire, if it scores one more 'wheel hit' than we will be posting on the main board with 'BTS, Fix Too Many Wheels on Scout Car or Somefink!' No I won't spell it 'tyre', just like we won't spell it 'whinging' or 'honour' because we are not British nor do we ever want to be.

Aitken, you ass, at your leisure means NOW!

We think we may be playing Abbot, though this would be stretching the definition of the word play.

[Abbott]

Originally posted by Germanboy:

So, since I am a tad miffed...

...it is NOT appreciated.

Oh my! A tad miffed and not appreciated. My, my, my, now that is fearsome language coming from a “Pooler”. I have just arrived mentioning that I was mad for receiving 15 minutes of feminine gibberish from my girlfriend because of gamey timing.

Well, golly gee, maybe I should have expressed myself as being “a tad miffed”.

[This message has been edited by Abbott (edited 03-26-2001).]

[Guest Germanboy]

Originally posted by Abbott:

Oh my! A tad miffed and not appreciated. My, my, my, now that is fearsome language coming from a “Pooler”. I have just arrived mentioning that I was mad for receiving 15 minutes of feminine gibberish from my girlfriend because of gamey timing.

Well, golly gee, maybe I should have expressed myself as being “a tad miffed”.

Unlike you my dear boy, I can get away with it since I actually have an education,. which differentiates me from anybody else posting in this thread, especially the Americans, who just go to school.

Alternatively, you are welcome to think it is because I spend too much time hanging out with people who would make truly splendid English civil servants (Sir Humphrey anyone?).

Language Abbott, language... T'is so important... Just ask Seanachai or Lorak.

Does anybody else think that a recording of 'Old Harry's Game' would make a maginificent present for Berli?

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Andreas

Der Kessel

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[Hamsters]

Originally posted by Germanboy:

especially the Americans, who just go to school.

We didn't even do that.

Has anyone noticed that there wasn't a post by Fuerte or the Commieczar or any other needle-nosed lookie-loo? Perhaps the forum has become used to the new growth Pools.

As to that rat of a robot, roborat, we can no longer deign to keep him as a squire. He is lily-livered, ill-tempered and poorly washed. We renounce his squireship and pissboyage. At one point, he had potential (More than can be said of our other squire, Priest, who is just what the Indians call, 'Stupid in the Head') but his posting has been lackadaisical and his gameplay has been slow. Begone, foul Roborat and never trouble us again!!

[Abbott]

Germanboy-Unlike you my dear boy, I can get away with it since I actually have an education,. which differentiates me from anybody else posting in this thread, especially the Americans, who just go to school.

--

I seen a school once, shucks, some of me relatives even went through the fourth grade and they were from the good ‘ole US of A too. I was gonna go, my Ma said “Abby (she called me Abby) get yer butt (Tee hee, said butt again) some learnin at that thare school” but shovelering manure out of the pens all the day and huntin possums fer stew took up alls my knights.

I was proud though so I read a paper now and then, stole um fomr the rich city folk early morins when our possume huntin took us near town, (he he). I bet them dumby edjumacted city fellers to this dya r wonderin wat heppened to all those papers. If they only new what good wall paperin they make, easy to read em to when they are plastered to the walls inside, keeps the wind out.

[Croda]

Glad to see that NipponBoy is back to his Holier Than Thou Routine again. We have plenty of average morons on here, but it takes someone special to be a true pompous ass.

Please do Die A Lot Now, and make sure it's messy so that there are plenty of souvenirs.

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Woot! - Maximus2k

Stick around while the clown who is sick does the trick of disaster.

You are quite correct, but sniper is an easier term to use than 'Semi-regular soldier hiding out and shooting enemies unawares.' - wwb_99

The New CessPool

I AM CRODA, ENEMY OF THE SCIENTIFIC PROCESS, EVOLUTIONARY PROCESS AND REPRODUCTIVE PROCESS. PETERNZ OWNS MY SIG FILE AND MY MEAGRE SOUL: ANY REASONABLE OFFER ACCEPTED

[Roborat]

Originally posted by Stuka:

You really haven't a clue have you, you spotty teenager.

In the absence of any 'action'.......you lie!.... You make stuff up!....You conjur complete bollocks from the depths of some drug induced thought process and post it as actual fact and make us all laugh!

Get it!?

*Sigh* No, didn't think you would.

Well, I thought that was humorous, and somewhat satirical. I was trying for the subtle, amusing on several levels effect. However, as it is obviously this type of humour is of too high a level for your apparently somewhat limited intelligence, I will oblige by limiting myself to poot jokes and thingy references, you can manage to understand those, I trust.

"Spotted teenager", that's funny, I have clothes older than you. Besides, you forget, I'm Canadian, where everyone is nice and only the politicians lie.

So in terms you backwards ball cap wearing generation can understand, bite me.

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"With cat-like tread, Upon our prey we steal;

In silence dread, Our cautious way we feel." -G&S

[Guest YK2]

Originally posted by Abbott:

I seen a school once, shucks, some of me relatives even went through the fourth grade and they were from the good ‘ole US of A too. I was gonna go, my Ma said “Abby (she called me Abby) get yer butt (Tee hee, said butt again) some learnin at that thare school” but shovelering manure out of the pens all the day and huntin possums fer stew took up alls my knights.

I was proud though so I read a paper now and then, stole um fomr the rich city folk early morins when our possume huntin took us near town, (he he). I bet them dumby edjumacted city fellers to this dya r wonderin wat heppened to all those papers. If they only new what good wall paperin they make, easy to read em to when they are plastered to the walls inside, keeps the wind out.

Now that was funny

[Guest Germanboy]

Originally posted by Croda:

Glad to see that NipponBoy is back to his Holier Than Thou Routine again. We have plenty of average morons on here, but it takes someone special to be a true pompous ass.

What is it Croda? Still angry about not being able to read and write after going through what somebody assured you was the best education system in the world? How much do you have to pay the monkey to come up with your posts, type them, and then read them to you?

Maybe you should play a game of Crodaburg, since nobody else wants to?

Abbott, not bad - now what was the point of steeling the rich townfolk's toilet paper again?

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Andreas

Der Kessel

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[This message has been edited by Germanboy (edited 03-26-2001).]

[stevetherat]

Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

stevetherat is already whining...(chaff)

I whine because there is no cover at all! You have plenty.

I note that my above game forced me to attack over terrain...(more chaff)

You, ya pansy-arsed little fecker, were shrouded in fog for your attack!

This one's as good as in the bag. You may enclose your surrender with your first turn's orders.

You can look forward to being plastered over the field like jelly on toast, git!

In other news, Wildman is in such a wrath over me, I just can't help laughing. A big old belly bouncer. The amount of trouble my poor little baby tanks have caused his Tigers is just a picture. Well, if you put them out in front of me with their arses hanging out, what do you expect?

More updates to come when I get the freaking files back.

[Abbott]

Originally posted by Germanboy:

Abbott, not bad - now what was the point of steeling the rich townfolk's toilet paper again?

Didn't needs toilet paper fer crappin, geez, like most folk do? Used korn cobs. Yep, two red ones and a white one. Used a red one, then a white one to sees if ya needs another red one.

[Guest Germanboy]

Originally posted by Abbott:

Didn't needs toilet paper fer crappin, geez, like most folk do? Used korn cobs. Yep, two red ones and a white one. Used a red one, then a white one to sees if ya needs another red one.

That's quite alright now. No further details please. Go along play with the other deadbeats, like, uh, Croda comes to mind.

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Andreas

Der Kessel

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[Croda]

Originally posted by Germanboy:

I'm in my 30's and can't face real life, so I'm still in school. It's tough without Mom to make me brownies and kiss me goodbye every morning, but I'm starting to cope. There's a dance next week at the Prissy-Boy School of Economics and I'm going to get my courdoroys pressed and maybe if I drink enough JOLT! I'll get up the nads to ask a girl to dance. What a life!

Can anyone say "God Complex?" Well, anyone who doesn't have the fantastic level of education that NipponBoy has, that is. The history books will have to be re-written: Newton, Kepler, Copernicus, Darwin, Salk, Ferme, and NipponBoy. Amazing to think that we are able to lay about and get a tan while basking in your glory.

Do yourself a favor; jump in the car and drive around the neighborhood. Your Ego has gotten loose again and is running it's mouth all over town. Before long it'll be jabbering about your favorite tube of KY. Better catch it quick.

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Woot! - Maximus2k

Stick around while the clown who is sick does the trick of disaster.

You are quite correct, but sniper is an easier term to use than 'Semi-regular soldier hiding out and shooting enemies unawares.' - wwb_99

The New CessPool

I AM CRODA, ENEMY OF THE SCIENTIFIC PROCESS, EVOLUTIONARY PROCESS AND REPRODUCTIVE PROCESS. PETERNZ OWNS MY SIG FILE AND MY MEAGRE SOUL: ANY REASONABLE OFFER ACCEPTED