To the last Challenge I grapple with thee. From Peng's Heart I stab at thee. Twice.

[Geier]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Moriarty:

Sent him an e-mail a few days ago, but have heard nothing. Perhaps, he shook his private parts one too many times at the jarheads, or they found out he has better weapons than they do, and they attacked.<hr></blockquote>

That is still no explanation why we haven't heard of him.

He has better weapons than the jarheads. A more reasonable explanation would be that he mistakenly read something by that idon use capitalssakai and had to wash his grammar teacher eyes with acid. Stranger things have been known to happen.

[MrSpkr]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Now, then, in the fine old tradition of the Peng Challenge Thread, and with all attention to detail, just let me wish you a lusty Sod Off!<hr></blockquote>

Whew, for a minute, I thought you were going to continue your senseless precedent of inviting fecking worthless SSN's to stay. Glad you thought better of it.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Now, who will not, in the wake of this idiot, speak better of AussieJeff, and grant him at least the benefit of Serf?<hr></blockquote>

Or not.

{edited to annoy Teuton just a bit more}

[ 12-19-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]</p>

[Speedy]

So what was my title?

Sir Speedy Idjit Knight of Some Bit of OZ?

Do I get to choose which bit?

Personally I reckon I would like Woomera, lots of dirty foreigners' heads there to bash.

Now as for you OGSF you are the only person my email is bouncing with, I think we might have to find an alternative means of sending the files for a while. Do you have ICQ?

[Herr Oberst]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Now you're back, and although we find that as reassuring and seasonal as the appearance of snowmen and Herr Oberst's nervous rash, you got some 'splaining to do!

<hr></blockquote>

Now wait just a * scratch * cotton-picking minute! I thought we were trying to keep this all * scratch scratch * on a professional level here... * scratch scratch scratch *...

[Herr Oberst]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Iron Chef Sakai:

ok the natives are getting restless, i think what everone needs to do is calm down and have some........SEA URCHIN ROE!!!!!!<hr></blockquote>

* SLAP! *

[Croda]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

...You disappeared to whore yourself with foreign devil games, then pronounced yourself 'bored and burnt-out' with not only CM, but the Cesspool itself....<hr></blockquote>

I prefer to call it a sabattical, a retreat even; time taken to wander in the woods and commune with nature in order to be able to understand landscape to a point where I could design the most placid yet tumultuous battlefields ever beheld by the CM community.

Now if that is not a Knight's quest, than I don't know what is.

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Goanna:

And now for a quick ÜberLizard Update!

SK bauhaus has managed to break Cesspool Commandment ¥§.(¼) Thou shalt not park park German assault guns in the open for six turns machine-gunning Yankee dogs when there are allied tank destroyers about.

<hr></blockquote>

Umm, he was drunk and naturally thought he was hidden beneath the bridge. Imagine his and my surprise when his drunkeness got him killed. No schnapps for you! I'm turning into the Schnapps Nazi.

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Your case will be taken under advisement, but there's no way in the short run you're getting a

Seniour Knightship. You disappeared to whore yourself with foreign devil games, then pronounced yourself 'bored and burnt-out' with not only CM, but the Cesspool itself.

Now you're back, and although we find that as reassuring and seasonal as the appearance of snowmen and Herr Oberst's nervous rash, you got some 'splaining to do!

Croda, although a Knight of the Cesspool, is currently on probation regarding any enhancement of status, until we determine if he's just being a bloody tease.<hr></blockquote>

Point of order, Sir!! It is quite obvious that you have mistaken Monsewer Croda and myself once again. It was I who "whored" myself out for other games and their messageboards. I am the one who holds the culpability for this and many other crimes against the pool. I do know that your eyesight and bladder are failing because of geriatric issues. I also know that you imbibe all too often and like to read poetry to passersby. I also hear that you have a nice tree to climb in your yard. A little drunken bird told me. If there is a merciful bone left in your flabby body, I would request that you blame Croda for what he has done and leave my crimes out of it. We can help you to your comfy chair to research the differences between the little knights that scamper around your feet.

For some history, it was Croda who showed up before me. I came up with many many famous sayings and he would take credit for them. For instance "Hi Mom" was my invention and he stole it. I also coined the dubious "must suck to be you, pull your lower lip over your head and swallow, and if i wanted any crap out of you, I'd squeeze your home town" He was the one who created Crodaburg (I still wake in cold sweats) and it was I who lost at it.

[jshandorf]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Iskander:

WE interrupt our regularly scheduled Epic of Return for a moment to point out that you are an unlettered knob who probably has no Greek, either.

The quote is from Moby Dick, and try not to stain yourself when slowly pronoucing the title aloud.

The Epic shall resume shortly, unless a Certain Olde One is took scared to send that very last turn....<hr></blockquote>

You emancipated pile of dung! Do you actually give credit to Herr O-butt for reading Moby Dick? You pathetic delusional child. Here I have some candy.... Get in my car.

Jeff

P.S. The title still sucks ass water.

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Iron Chef Sakai:

Seachai, it sounds like someone needs some midol, and i'll give you a hint, it's not your inflata-mate.

<hr></blockquote>

Go away.......you annoy us.

(Edited because I am a bloody pillock)

[ 12-19-2001: Message edited by: bauhaus ]</p>

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by AussieJeff:

............sputter......crackle ........ fzzzt!! (transmission starts)

"Wha...?? What happened? Sheesh ........ that was one WEIRD dream I had! Must have been that strange green goo that Uncle Jack injected coz' I was feeling a leetle depressed over the state of my ongoing SLAUGHTERFEST battle with NOBA. Phew! I feel MUCH better now though. The guys at the 'pool will be really, REALLY glad that it was all JUST A DREAM that I had carked it ....... heh heh! Lucky for them I guess...... Oh well, better check the e-mail ......

Hey! What's this?? An e-mail with attachment from Herr Oberst! It says - "Here's a nice little scenario for you to try out - you fleabitten, scum-sucking, pile of Floosie ****e!" Hehe ........ thanks, Mr Oberst ....... you are a real nice guy and a close pal! I like your touch of erudite class. Ok, I'll just click on the attachment and ....... "PING"!!!

Huh?? What now...?? A ruddy [horror]VIRUS[/horror] or what????? The screen just flashed hot pink and returned to....... normal? ........ hmmmmmmmm, I wonder....??

Oh well, what to post at my favorite stinking meeting place?? Errk??? My keyboard has suddenly gone all crazy .... HEY! When I press the 'L' key it comes up with 'L' and when I press the 'R' key it comes up with 'R'! WOW - now that IS weild!!! Hope I'm not on anothel one of those tlips........ uh oh ..... hish ish geing wolse now ....... he damn '' is missing!! Oh no ...... now he "CH" key comes up as "CH" and he ch's appeal as 'J'!! Damn i! Broody Hell Obels - nohing fol i bu o pless on dea leadels.....

Ligh, realned genlemens..... prease accep my aporogies fol no posing ovel he pas few days. I have been vely busy ossing rovery sprody bis arr ovel a nasy CM map inhabied by he ledoubabre pseudoSelf NOBA - and rikewise he in my dilecion. Afte hining he had ovellun my Klau scum, he has discoveled my cache of Ubelweapons!! Muhahaha...... mole o come hele ...... in good ime.

I mus say I was mos preased o rose o yon Squile HANNS at he Bare of Jabo - I learise i would have been mos inapplopliae o bea him senseress whire I go boh hands ied behind my back!! I, Frossie Cheff am ploud of my ross!! So hele... BW HANNS, Uncle Chack is sending a pack of his pirrs fol you o ly a youl UBELDANCENCRUB! Hope you rike hem!!

Daln i Hell Obels!! His is vely confusing!! sigh ....... can you chump o i and send he fix plono???

OK ...... ow o business - any of you chorry japs who wourd rike o boo my bu prease send youl seup ASAP. Do you dale, Seanaji?? I need a ligh lashing lear bad!! Any ord bare wirr do!

Youls [gasp]lury[/gasp],

AussieCheff

spluer........fzzz.....it.......zittt!!!! (lansmission ends)

[Hoolay!! No ediing his ime!!]<hr></blockquote>

Oh bloody hell!!!!! There is no Santa Claus.

[Agua Perdido]

Attention pillocks!

Having recently embarked on aggressive acquisition of long-term, tax-advantaged debt (sorry, Berli, but now the bank gets first dibs on my soul) in exchange for the privelage of hanging drywall, stripping paint, and having my wife tell me for the 37th goddamn time in a row not to stack that box of books on top of that box of lamps, and why do I have so damned many wargames anyway, isn't it time I threw some of them away so we don't have to move them all and besides you never play any of them except that computer game with those crazy sewer-people from the Internet, and you don't even play that anymore you just open the turns and mutter about making the bastards wait if you can't make them pay and what do you think about Green Tea for the living room and Baltic Mist for the kitchen and I'm thinking how about some feckin' Islay Malt for my liver, and WHERE THE HELL IS THAT CONTRACTOR HE SAID HE'D BE HERE AN HOUR AGO, I find that my frequency of responding to turns has dropped--even for me.

However, I still find time to hate each and every one of you as the deeply-bent, irredeemably-flawed, thoroughly nasty inDUHviduals you all are (each in your own not-particularly-special way). (Except for the SSNs, of course, whom I hate in a vague, perfunctory way as the undifferentiated pile of Agent-Orange-soaked compost and used styrofoam fast food containers they most resemble).

With that in mind, here are some

UPDATES!

I hate that jdmorse. Rants and rants about my rate of turns, then disappears for two feckin' months, just as I've finally got him where I want him. Bastard. He ever returns that file, and I'll have him waiting until the next millenium.

Speaking of bastards, stevetherat has also pulled a Whodini (I mean really, who listens to Whodini anymore?). The bastard was even making progress with his Guards Armored Division against my troop of Girl Scouten, although a quite a few of his lads seem to have bad bellyaches from too many Thin Mints.

Continuing on the bastard theme, Seanachai seems to have pulled a Hamsters and bought a defending force consisting of two 81mm FOs and 130 TRPs. I would expect as much from an over-literate garden gnome. He's out there somewhere, and when I find him, I'll spit him on the ****tr hook and debrain him by the heels. Again.

Speaking of heels, Joe Shaw's Kampfgruppe Kanada is plowing its way through the bocage at the pace of a rock--a rock screwed to the pavement with great iron bolts and then covered with concrete for good measure. It's a race against the clock, and the clock is winning (since my pathetic collection of ear-and-stomach-bridage-rejects (if only I had troops of so high a quality!) certainly can't do anything to stop him).

Speaking of rejects, that leaves Lars. He's a gamey, flag-rushing bastard and whatever invisibility cheat he used to keep my tank from nailing his StuH last turn is only made worse by the fact that he purchased a Hetzer. Bastard.

Agua Perdido

[Croda]

Ok, Hiram, do a search buddy. Find me the oldest recorded "Hi, Mom!" and we'll see who posted it. If it was in fact you then I will concede and may even play you in a little QB where you are the evil Nazis on the assault vs. my pathetic Polish lesions and their little pop guns. Wait, wasn't that the first game that we played?

This may be the stoopidest thing I've argued about since...well, since a long time ago.

As for The Aluminum Chef, you aren't merely a goof, or a moron, you sirrah, are a ninny. The absolute epitome of ninnihood. Knight Justicar of Ninniosity.

We are happy to tolerate the old, the young; the weak, the strong; the hateful, the lovemonger; the obese, the maigre; the well-read, the Germanboy; hell even the denizens of Hell itself. All of the above are openly embraced and hallowed as wonderful contributors to this penal colony (bauhaus...) we call the CessPool. What we truly detest however is the bland, the uninteresting, the spewer of drivel so colorless, so tasteless, that eating rice cakes for Thanksgiving dinner seems a French delicase.

In short, be bold, be ugly, be annoying, just don't be ordinary. For a quick lesson, go back and search on some of my older posts, you may find them very educational. Also see: Meeks, Elijah.

[Hakko Ichiu]

One goes away for a few days and in one's absence all heck breaks loose.

First, an utterly lame retread of a title for an MBT incarnation.

Second, the return of an SSN who thinks he's the Delacroix of French cuisine, but whose culinary expertise doesn't extend beyond "Do you want fries with that?"

Finally, the handing out of incomplete titles. I insist that you amend mine to include my rightful claim to be Chief Indicter of Grog Porn™ such title to be granted retroactively and in perpetuity.

Now I have to go, because there is some bloody good sea urchin roe available at the fishmongers.

Sod off.

[Joe Shaw]

As the Knight Champion of the MBT, Justicar and Cesspool Drain Commissioner (I see my suggestion for elections to the post of CessPool Drain Commissioner has fallen on deaf ears), I feel it incumbent upon me to proclaim to one and all that the following has been enacted:

[iGNORE]Iron Chef Sakai

I do have a UBB question, however. Since I wish this condition to remain until or unless such time as I change my mine (yeah right like that'll happen) I THINK that I need to leave the UBB in this condition. If, for example, I had CLOSED the switch with the [/iGN...] command (truncated because I don't want to take any chances) it would have, I believe, returned the condition to the UNIGNORE state. Am I correct in this assumption?

Finally Seanachai ... way to go DOOFUS ... we had, to all appearances, managed to eradicate the Australian SSN contingent but your DAMNED KIND HEART (are ALL Gnomes that way ... {shudder}) couldn't leave well enough alone and now ... HE'S BACK AGAIN.

And now, for your reading enjoyment:

ooOOOgah, ooOOOgah, ooOOOgah {Damn, that switch is hard to pull ... too bad there's no likely lads for squiredom around.}

THE GAMEY UPDATES OF THE KNIGHT CHAMPION OF THE MBT

Through various and sundry means ... mostly losing ... I've managed to pare my gameload down to a reasonable number at last.

Agua Perdido is performing a true public service. I have often had difficulty grasping such concepts as Geologic Time, Galactic Distance and Imponderable Questions. With Agua Perdido however, one gains a true understanding of such questions as "Where the bloody hell is he sending these turns from ... Altair?" or "Will there EVER be another turn from him?" or "Has the next Ice Age set in then, isn't it time for another turn?"

In the meantime, his green and conscript Germans are fleeing right and left ... unfortunately there are BOCAGES right and left and top and bottom too so I can't take advantage of his precipitous flight. He's going to win this one, likely enough, just because I'm damned scared of bocage country.

Mace and I have just embarked upon an Andreas concoction ... no doubt there'll be U.F.O.s to be battling before we're done.

Mark IV is AWOL ...

Moriarty and I are, thanks be to Gawd, nearly done with MrSpkr's hell spawned, ice covered, gully rift and incredibly boring scenario for which he shall PAY! Since it's one of those "exit for points" scenarios it's hard to tell who's ahead and I don't think either of us care.

Stuka agreed to a Wild Bill scenario in which Bill apparently forgot about the concept of Combined Arms. I've 5,398 tanks, a PIAT gunner and a Regimental runner. It's a good exercise for me, I always did get tired of all that silly infantry screening and so forth. I really need to check my commander's name ... it must be Cardigan or Raglan ... FORWARD, THE LIGHT BRIGADE!

Joe

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Croda:

Ok, Hiram, do a search buddy. Find me the oldest recorded "Hi, Mom!" and we'll see who posted it. If it was in fact you then I will concede and may even play you in a little QB where you are the evil Nazis on the assault vs. my pathetic Polish lesions and their little pop guns. Wait, wasn't that the first game that we played?

This may be the stoopidest thing I've argued about since...well, since a long time ago.

As for The Aluminum Chef, you aren't merely a goof, or a moron, you sirrah, are a ninny. The absolute epitome of ninnihood. Knight Justicar of Ninniosity.

We are happy to tolerate the old, the young; the weak, the strong; the hateful, the lovemonger; the obese, the maigre; the well-read, the Germanboy; hell even the denizens of Hell itself. All of the above are openly embraced and hallowed as wonderful contributors to this penal colony (bauhaus...) we call the CessPool. What we truly detest however is the bland, the uninteresting, the spewer of drivel so colorless, so tasteless, that eating rice cakes for Thanksgiving dinner seems a French delicase.

In short, be bold, be ugly, be annoying, just don't be ordinary. For a quick lesson, go back and search on some of my older posts, you may find them very educational. Also see: Meeks, Elijah.<hr></blockquote>

Hey buddy, you do a search, buddy. I already know the whole truth there now buddy. The sad thing is the thousands of people have used the saying over and over while I received no commision. I feel like the guy who invented the backscratcher.

Why are you still suckling at the teat of Meeks? Was he your first? I hope he was gentle.

[Croda]

Ok, Space Ghost, there is only one way to settle this like the dishonorable end enfeebled gentlemen that we are. Looks like you're working us into a PBEM. Feel free to choose a scenario from derkessel, or a nice and tidy QB.

Your other option of course is to to admit to being a titmouse and scamper away.

Titmouse.

[Iron Chef Sakai]

anyone want to play a game of cm?

[Herr Oberst]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Iron Chef Sakai:

anyone want to play a game of cm?<hr></blockquote>

Let's grade this one out against some of the choice RULES...

PRIMUS. NO EFFING TALK ABOUT THE FOOD CHANNEL YA GIT!

F. The word Chef in his alias.

Uno. Thou shalt sound off as if thou possessest a pair, that the 'Pool shall prosper and be fruitful.

F. This isn't the playground at lunchtime.

Hannah. Bring not the unclean from the Outer Boards into the Sanctuary, lest you be subjected to foetors of Strines and other unclean things.

F. He is here after all.

Un. Thou shalt not have congress with Scum Sucking Newbies (SSN), nor shalt thou bow down before Grogs nor worship them, for that way lies the Kaos of the Outer Boards.

F. Case in point.

Ichi. Remember the place of the Peng Challenge Thread and keep it upon the first page, 'nuff said.

F. It was already there.

Unos. Honour the Olde Ones, the Senior Knights, the Knights and the Squires … ignore the Serfs and vilify the SSNs, for that is right and just.

F. Not enough self-vilification.

1. Thou shalt enter not into the 'Pool without bearing a challenge of mighty taunting, for that is whole purpose of the exercise.

F. F. F. F. F!

So, the overall average for that [sneer]challenge[/sneer] is a resounding F.

No battle for you.

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Iron Chef Sakai:

anyone want to play a game of cm?<hr></blockquote>

You may thank me later for noticing you. Here are a couple tips from your Uncle Hiram. Emulating a yappy dog won't get you very far. Pick a person and taunt that individual. Maybe he or she will deign to play you. If you supplied an email address in your profile, then we would know that you aren't a pedophile. Well, we could guess.

To save you from replying to me, the answer is "no". Now get lost. (and spayed)

[Iron Chef Sakai]

talk about a clicky thread.....i don't think anyone here is very good at cm anyway.

[Herr Oberst]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Iron Chef Sakai:

talk about a clicky thread.....i don't think anyone here is very good at cm anyway.<hr></blockquote>

Perhaps we, as a collective, have been to obtuse...

* puts on high stiff collar *

If you do not wish to play according to our self-imposed RULES within the MBT, then please by all means go to the "Opponent Finder" forum where "Anyone wanna play?", that totally lackadaisical, off-the-cuff, uninspiring phrase that passes for a challenge in the Outer Board, has a high probability of garnering you an opponent.

* rips off collar * Gah! I hate those things...

So, it's our RULES or the road...

[Lars]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Iron Chef Sakai:

i don't think anyone here is very good at cm anyway.<hr></blockquote>

Wait, what’s this? A glimmer of hope! He got one thing right! And it’s almost a taunt!

Could it be saved with a little polishing? Could it be directed at an actual individual? Could the “Wok Pot Pilot” be catching on?

Nah, nevermind.

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Ha!! I'm back. Cover the furniture and hide the cat.

[ 12-19-2001: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]</p>

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Speedy:

Personally I reckon I would like Woomera, lots of dirty foreigners' heads there to bash.<hr></blockquote>

*GASP*

Speedy, topical? Tell me it isn't so?!!!

Mace