To the last Challenge I grapple with thee. From Peng's Heart I stab at thee. Twice.

[Geier]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

The following shall hold lands in the Royal Demesne:Sir Giere, Knight Commander of the Frozen North, The Olde Firm

[ 12-18-2001: Message edited by: Berlichtingen ]<hr></blockquote>

I thought I'd put this on our card but if you would do us the evil and learn to spell my name ... ahahaa. I see, how amusing. Carry on.

I think Mark IV, Knight of Outdated AFV's that make splodey noiseses should have

a piece of newly liberated beach to keep him happy. Any news from thither?

Johan

The Olde Firme

[Yeknodathon]

...yer hamsters, get yer hamsters 'ere, gerbils, fine young gerbils, get yer gerbiiiiils, ere... comon yer aristo hard knights, cough up and buy some rodents.... these fine rats n' mice n' voles..

down with the kingdom, comon yer peasants, down with the feudal fopish, dilitante, fattened aristos....

Yeknod

[Herr Oberst]

Dammit Geier. I'd expect better behavior from a SK such as yourself.

You've gone and left the door open and now we have street vendors wandering around the 'pool...

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Herr Oberst:

Dammit Geier. I'd expect better behavior from a SK such as yourself.

You've gone and left the door open and now we have street vendors wandering around the 'pool...<hr></blockquote>Yes ... and another without an email address in the profile. My but aren't they fine, brave lads to be sneaking up, sticking their toes into the CessPool and then running away giggling like schoolgirls content in the knowledge that "no one will ever know." My hat's off to them.

Joe

[Yeknodathon]

.....duunnnnng, oh, yeah get yer duunnnng, got yer crusty, got yer soft, got yer fresh n' fruity dunnnnng

oh, the omens are dire, the prophecies pregnant... while the "oh so, knightly companions" are feasting and growing fat n' torpid, their surfs are clamouring, the peasants rising from their hovels... watch the battlements, ready the girdle.... fear the peasants

... to the gates me fellows, to the gates.. turf the bumpkin masters out.... grasp the the keys to the manor....

.... get yer rodents... special offer, lots of looooovely rodents and a bag of duuunung, lots of lovely dung

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Sir Mace, Knight Commander of Queensland, resident Sheepshagger<hr></blockquote>

Queenslander?!!!!

Be buggered! I ain't no banana-bending brain dead red neck (PS Hi Stukes)

I'm a Victorian, I am!

Mace

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

the peasants rising from their hovels... watch the battlements, ready the girdle.... fear the peasants <hr></blockquote>

Ok, who's in charge of keeping control of peasant infestation?

Number's are climbing up again and it's time for another cull. Perhaps Berli can arrange another plague or famine with his four horsemen friends?

Anyhow, Yankhisnoddle, please take a number and we mighty Kiinigits may get back to you (*giggle*). Until then SODDDDDD OWRF!!!

Mace

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mace:

Be buggered!<hr></blockquote>

No thanks, I'll pass.

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

...yer hamsters, get yer hamsters 'ere, gerbils, fine young gerbils, get yer gerbiiiiils, ere... comon yer aristo hard knights, cough up and buy some rodents.... these fine rats n' mice n' voles..

down with the kingdom, comon yer peasants, down with the feudal fopish, dilitante, fattened aristos....

Yeknod<hr></blockquote>

did someone speaketh? Mace, did you leave your fly open again. Quit exposing yourself, gnats keep flying out.

[jshandorf]

Just wanted to pop in an say...

What a completely stupid and unimaginative title to yet another Peng thread! Who is going to finally put a stop to Herr O-butt from creating these fantastically stupid titles?! That lame-ass Star Trek geek. Get a life!

Jeff

[Stuka]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

I have just lost a game to that horrid Aussie, Stuka.

<hr></blockquote>

Yes, indeed he did.

Just another day at the office, where an Olde One gets seven shades of ****e knocked out of him by a Senioure Knaggitt. (Who incidently was curiousely omitted from Gerli's Kniggetthood list)

So thats 2-Zip in favour of your Old Unca Stukes and we are now shaping up for stoush number 3. In the event of a 3-Nil whitewash, Seanachai will become my official 'Cesspool Bitch' and be condemned to an eternity spent in the service of my goodself. (I do believe I'll pop him in the front garden, where he can drop his little rod in the goldfish pond)

[Moriarty]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Geier:

I think Mark IV, Knight of Outdated AFV's that make splodey noiseses should have

a piece of newly liberated beach to keep him happy. Any news from thither?

<hr></blockquote>

Sent him an e-mail a few days ago, but have heard nothing. Perhaps, he shook his private parts one too many times at the jarheads, or they found out he has better weapons than they do, and they attacked.

[Iskander]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jshandorf:

Just wanted to pop in an say...

What a completely stupid and unimaginative title to yet another Peng thread! Who is going to finally put a stop to Herr O-butt from creating these fantastically stupid titles?! That lame-ass Star Trek geek. Get a life!

Jeff<hr></blockquote>

WE interrupt our regularly scheduled Epic of Return for a moment to point out that you are an unlettered knob who probably has no Greek, either.

The quote is from Moby Dick, and try not to stain yourself when slowly pronoucing the title aloud.

The Epic shall resume shortly, unless a Certain Olde One is took scared to send that very last turn....

[Croda]

Ahhh, yes, the return of Hammy-Hamsters. Another venerable Knight of the old pool.

Speaking of which, I may not have posted on the first page, but I wasn't too far down the line, you know. How about an honorable Senior Kanigget Status to old Croda, he of the PT Boat and father of Libby's children?

[Lawyer]

Persephone's Sig Line --

I am not just a lawyer, I am The Lawyer™

-- Lawyer™ ©2001

Good work, Persey! You learn the niceties of legalese a lot faster than these other gits who wear plastic dry cleaner bags over their heads to get high.

I think I'll bill out Patch as my Para-Consigliorifor $300 per hour. Who needs some legal help?

[ 12-18-2001: Message edited by: Lawyer ]</p>

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Stuka:

Yes, indeed he did.

Just another day at the office, where an Olde One gets seven shades of ****e knocked out of him by a Senioure Knaggitt. (Who incidently was curiousely omitted from Gerli's Kniggetthood list)<hr></blockquote>

Why yes, you are right! You weren't on my list... should tell ya somefink

[Stuka]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Croda:

father of Libby's children

<hr></blockquote>

Oh god, your'e still on about that are you?

Lets see........ Gunther!....Aristotle!.....Bodicea! come here kids!

Line up now little ones, daddy has some thing to check with you all.

*Checking closely*

Nope, no webbed toes........8,9,10 all fingers are accounted for and the thumbs are opposed...... *studies fine facial features and athletic builds* (very Un-Crodaristic), nope, doesn't look too good for your paternity case mate.

Croda, just because you had that operation to put your knees on the right way round does not make you 'normal', people can still tell you know.

[Seanachai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mace:

Queenslander?!!!!

Be buggered! I ain't no banana-bending brain dead red neck (PS Hi Stukes)

I'm a Victorian, I am!

Mace<hr></blockquote>

He probably is. In her later years, that Sheila certainly looked like a ewe.

Not to mention that the Victorians, pound for pound, were probably the most deeply disturbed, sexually repressed and fetishistic gang of deviants the Empire had ever known. The whole buggering lot of them made the LA bar scene look like Disneyworld.

Anyone ever remark on how much of Australia seems to be named after some aspect of the whole Queen Victoria cult? Makes you breathe a deep sigh of praise for the poor bloody Aboriginals, doesn't it?

[Seanachai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Croda:

Ahhh, yes, the return of Hammy-Hamsters. Another venerable Knight of the old pool.

Speaking of which, I may not have posted on the first page, but I wasn't too far down the line, you know. How about an honorable Senior Kanigget Status to old Croda, he of the PT Boat and father of Libby's children?<hr></blockquote>

Your case will be taken under advisement, but there's no way in the short run you're getting a

Seniour Knightship. You disappeared to whore yourself with foreign devil games, then pronounced yourself 'bored and burnt-out' with not only CM, but the Cesspool itself.

Now you're back, and although we find that as reassuring and seasonal as the appearance of snowmen and Herr Oberst's nervous rash, you got some 'splaining to do!

Croda, although a Knight of the Cesspool, is currently on probation regarding any enhancement of status, until we determine if he's just being a bloody tease.

[Simon Fox]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Stuka:

*Checking closely*

Nope, no webbed toes........8,9,10 all fingers are accounted for and the thumbs are opposed...... *studies fine facial features and athletic builds* (very Un-Crodaristic), nope, doesn't look too good for your paternity case mate.<hr></blockquote>So now that this examination of phenotypic characteristics has ruled out both yourself and Croda as the genetic father it looks like DNA testing is the next step.

[Seanachai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Iskander:

the figure pushes forwards against the driving rain, occassionally losing his footing on the treacherous path that leads to Schloss Peng. Fortunately, the high level of alcohol in his bloodstream counteracts gravity at all the right moments.

he passes corpses of SSNs that have accumulated over several Threads; so many?, he wonders, thinking that perhaps the load he bares may allow for a final solution to the newbie question.

I bear with me the scalp of an Olde One! From a Battle fought for the Honor of a Dame! Gather 'round that ye may hear the tale!

nothing happens

Oh, and I brought four litres of Talisker, too!

all rush towards the figure... to be continued... shortly... kinda....<hr></blockquote>

Berli: Who comes, bearing the scalp of an Olde One?

Peng: And Talisker.

Berli: Let us see this scalp, for it can only be Seanachai's, if it is indeed the scalp of one of us.

Peng: And the Talisker. Let's see the goddamn Talisker, too.

wobbling drunkenly, with trews undone, and with clothes reeking of alcohol and stomach acids, Iskander staggers forward, and holds up a mat of hair

Iskander: Behold! The Scalp of Seanachai!

The two Olde Ones peer at the proffered item for several seconds, then exchange glances and shrugs

Berli: That's never Seanachai's scalp.

Peng: Certainly isn't. It's not white enough, for one, and nowhere near disheveled, touseled and tossed by the vagaries of Fate and the winds of life to be Seanachai's.

Berli: I'd pay a nice sum to see his scalp ripped from his head, but this simply isn't, you drunken sod.

Peng: (sniffing a jug, and licking the rim I don't think this is Talisker, either.

Berli: What?!

Peng: Christ, I think it's 'Johnson Bros.', the scotch you can drink again the next morning out of your own toilet, without loss of flavour or character.

Both glare at the reddening drunkard

Iskander: I swear by Zeus and Hera that when I arrived here, this was Seanachai's scalp, and that was 20 year old Talisker!

Peng is seen cautiously sampling the contents of the jug, and sneering. A figure strolls up, and peers over Berli's shoulder at Iskander

Seanachai: Dear me, is that young Iskander, claiming to have my scalp? Sorry, lad, what you've got there is a strip I ripped off OGSF's Spaniel in our second to last game. Oh, and I rather enjoyed the Talisker. Hope you don't mind, but I was a bit miffed about our Draw, and I had a slash in the jug after I emptied it.

Peng is seen dropping the jug and spouting fluid like a Venetian fountain.

Peng: I'll do you for that, Iskander!

Berli: No Seanachai scalp, and no Talisker? Your advancement, Iskander, to status of Seniour Knight of the Cesspool has been...delayed. Pray to my Wife for intercession, you little scotch denying bastard.

Yes, my ratty brethren, it is true. The proud and o'er weaning Knight Iskander, confident, as he should not have been, of his victory, has achieved no more than a resounding Draw in our recent game.

This game was significant, because we had entered into combat for the honour of a Fair Lady, one Emma, the Lady of the Peng Challenge Thread, with whom Iskander had been unduly forward and ill-behaved.

I sought to punish the knave, the rascal, the goddamn pillock. Ultimate victory was denied me, but I shall yet bring him to heel, and make him kneel before Yk2, and abase himself, and maybe even do a bit of a merry song and dance routine, and proclaim himself wrong, and she the greatest daughter of the Goddess.

A quick footnote on this useless sack of pickled guts known as Iskander:

Here in the Peng Challenge Thread, we all have our own personnas, and we have all moved to make our mark on this, the most noble of the Combat Mission forums/threads. Some are long-winded Bards who peer down al the written words to a remembered time of spoken story, and nod and smile with fondness over the Dreamtime. Some are erudite and entertaining curmudgeons, who will sit and smile, beautific as kings, when they have an IP game to play, and a surfeit of Bread and Beer. Some are the Prince of Darkness, frowning on mortal foibles, but curiously devoted to a quiet woman with a wicked sense of humour, and with a house filled with dog toys (multiple headed hellhounds need a great many toys).

Others are the bastard sons of Robbie Burns, others are Naked Skydiving Daredemons, some are Courteous and Smiling Murderers, others are Justicars, standing with sword bared to keep the Thread of threads peculiarly sancrosanct.

But one man had the fortitude, gall, and inebriation to arrive in this most disreputable of roistering parties, and portray himself as the Drunkard of the Peng Challenge Thread. And that is Iskander.

How did you pillocks let him get away with it?!

[Stuka]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Simon Fox:

phenotypic.

<hr></blockquote>

Whats this? A *gasp* GROG term?

What says the Justicarate to this, this affront to the ethics and standards of 'pool tradition?

[Treeburst155]

PreparationH

[Lars]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

How did you pillocks let him get away with it?!<hr></blockquote>

Because my liver started to give out on turn 28 of our match-up.

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Stuka:

Whats this? A *gasp* GROG term?

What says the Justicarate to this, this affront to the ethics and standards of 'pool tradition?<hr></blockquote>{sigh} Just doing his job lad, Simon Fox, after all, is the Official Grog of the CessPool. A weaver weaves, a fletcher fletches and a Grog ... well a Grog ... Grogs!

Mind you his suggestion for DNA testing would likely be useless as the results would simply be "AUSTRALIAN", thus ruling out any chance of a civilized ancestry.

Joe