I wanna be sedated by the Peng Challenge

[Stuka]

Peng of Pod, perhaps you should speak to your buddy Maddmatt about the smilies' thing. I'm sure he'll do something about it for you. Probably ban you or sumfink but at least then the little buggers' won't bother you anymore.

(I like this trailing apostrophie thingey, I think I might use it'wherever' possible')

[Mace]

Peng could turn off the PC, sell it, walk away from his life, and join a monestry where silence and self-flagellation is the norm.

Alternatively, nothing suggests peace and quiet (and an absence of emoticons) more than limbo, reached by for example, placing a gun against your head and blowing out your brains (not that I would sanction suicide, oh no...accidental death is fine though, perhaps done while cleaning the gun).

Mace

[ 04-19-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng:

Berli, uh, like that is about the lamest challenge I have gotten for months. I am very disappointed in you. You shall have no pie.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Lame challenge for a lame player. It was far better than you deserve. Perhap you are correct, I really should be looking for a challenge. You Sir Pod should stick to playing the AI... maybe with enough practice, you'll be good enough to provide a challenge to Moriarty. You can then work your way up to losing to Newbie Pond Scum. If all works out, you may be good enough to lose to me by the time CM4 comes out.

[armornut]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace:

Alternatively, nothing suggests peace and quiet (and an absence of emoticons) more than limbo, reached by for example, placing a gun against your head and blowing out your brains (not that I would sanction suicide, oh no...accidental death is fine though, perhaps done while cleaning the gun).

Mace

[ 04-19-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sir Mace, though I am no way saying you are wrong, but this would require that he had a normal size brain to blow out.

I would predict that the bullet would penetrate his skull and become stuck in the protective fat that resides there. Our only hope is that it reachs that tiny nub on the end of his spine that passes for a cortex.

:eek: (hoping thatPENG will stab his eyes out with a corkscrew and bleed to death.) :eek:

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng:

Have I mentioned recently that the Instant Goddam Smilies flashing in the lower left of the "Post A Reply" screen really piss me off? ...I didpoke my left eye out as suggested by Elvis (pods have about 11 left eyes (eyies? eye's? aye-ayes?) so one or two gone with a sharp stick don't matter much to us)and yet there they are annoying the liver (s, 's, ies', eses, eses') out of me<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

What kind of an idiot are you (don't answer that- I know you're some sort of disgusting pod-thing). Poking out an eye won't work, since the visual fields of both (or all eleven or 22 or whatever) mostly overlap, and all the other ones will still see the smilies. What you need is a little damage to the visual cortex. That's right, brain surgery but not like the cut-rate lobotomy that you got last time. That just made you more of a raving lunatic. A little bit of damage to just a few spots in the visual cortex could completely eliminate the lower left corner, and the best part is that you wouldn't even know it's gone. There's plenty of options for how to do it--borrowing the brick and bashing it violently against the right side of the back of your head is a cheap and easy way (you'll know your getting the right spot when you start seeing stars on the left side but not the right). You could also just have Elvis bring over the electric drill and get some books out of the library to figure out where to drill. I know elvis doesn't read very well, but the kind of books you want have lots of pictures, so it shouldn't be a problem. Or you can mark up your head yourself and just have him drill.

A less invasive way to do it is to figure out where you have to stare so that your blind spot is pointed at the smilies, and then put a little dot on your screen that you can look at while you type. The remnants of your brain, or whatever else is in your head these days, will then fill in over the smilies with the background.

[ 04-20-2001: Message edited by: chrisl ]

[chrisl]

Go to this page:

blind spot

and figure out where you have to stare. You'll have to have one eye closed when yo type.

You can always, of course, just poke out all your eyes and use a text to speech synthesizer, but I bet they all read smilies out loud.

[ 04-20-2001: Message edited by: chrisl ]

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

Lorak! Raise yourself from the depths of loathing (and Cess) under which you (and we) forcibly hold your head and record the following bloody topplement:

Agua Perdido: Another victory for the hallowed principles of life, liberty, violence, sleek hairstyles, poppy-seed bagels, the implied threat of Mormon Wives and justice for me.

Seanachai: Thoroughly bashed with the constitution stick, then debrained by the heels.

Agua Perdido<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

'Tis true, oh Lorak! 'Tis sad that 'tis true, and that it is true, 'tis sad.

Actually, the hand-carved lump of excrement boldly known as no man has been known before as Agua Perdido, did indeed defeat me, and he was a gent about it.

The game came on somewhat slow, and the opening give and take of combat filled me with guarded confidence. Then, sadly, everything went to complete ****e, my squads, in their longing to advance, were mercilessly bludgeoned, battered, and, in a rather unsophisticated manner, absolutely buggered. Some squads broke as many as three times. Some actually came back from being routed, and tentatively advanced before dropping to the ground and expelling all bodily fluids. I would have been more apalled, except that my opponent's troops were similarly bebothered and bewuthered. But when the Great Scorer came to write against our names, he showed the vile Agua Perdido as still having some control over his men, while it was quickly determined that I hadn't a squad that could be entrusted to walk a brace of recalcitrant poodles without bursting into tears.

I move that Joe Shaw be beaten around the ears with an incontinent Pug dog, and that Agua Perdido, he who has posted here repeatedly, showing no good sense at all; who has attempted (however badly) to use fiction in his posts; and who has, finally, suffered under the horrors of being Squire to Joe Shaw, be raised to the level of Knighthood (such as it is). The useless bastard has not only gone the distance, his willingness to endure Shaw proves he's so daft and inured to stupidity as to make him fully worthy of being a Knight of the Cesspool.

[mensch]

soo a small update:

joe and his cockroaches he thinks he may win but with my STUG.. *snicker* that fires 1 round ever three seconds.. good luck lad.. ROTFL

Stucka well this test operations was to be cool but I still can't figure out why "battalion reinforcments" don't come?? anyone? (serious) we won't count this as a pool game even though I am loosing.. you see I waaaas supposed to get two more companies to counter his battalion.. but.. fecking scenario designer does not explain this crap battalion reinforcements.

berlichan lost bad to me 92 to 8 LOL I set him up with a doozy this time 5000 pts to re-enact the battle of that bulge thing. die lots wanker

meekses cuz nothing serriously happening now. yawn.. more later

Iskamandor he thinks hes winning.. LOL nob.. everyone knows mensch only allows draws now!!

Jeffy boy of wonder again thinks hes winning.. look at the score dude.. its looks like an immenent draw! LOL

Mace of Perth I set up again with this outback thornydevildun dee again.. and with snow since we loved it so much.. lets see if he don't piss his pants and not accept me challange... you egg.

Geier Pickleless wonder well all I hope is he gets my rounds.. I keep getting bounces from his email account.. dude. maybe you have to empty your in box a bit.

OFGFSMAN this guy cheets.. gamey map edge hugger!! die lots you hetzer popping nob! you could not use a proper angle of attack even if it kissed you on your backside.

Pengkomon it may look like I'll have a fecking astriks next to my fecking name.. no worry.. loosing to peng is ok.. its like getting herpies... once you got it you always have it.. I just hope I can send my bad luck to other players and they too loose to peng.

PeterOz the nob sends off a turn a week so not much going on.. he rants and raves how he is killing me.. but every time I look at the film he takes out what? 3 Priests and 6 troops and a HT.. big deal... what do you think the other 2 priests and big tanks are for.. I hope you can defeat a battalion and a company of stuff me boy.. I got more where that came from!!!

dats wat.. go fly a kite now in a electrical storm..

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mensch:

Mace of Perth I set up again with this outback thornydevildun dee again.. and with snow since we loved it so much.. lets see if he don't piss his pants and not accept me challange... you egg.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Mensch, your geography sucks and so do you!

I never back down from a challenge, especially the mentally challanged (ie you), and of course since you did the set up you will have lots of artillery...you are so predictable..must be all that weed you smoke!

Mace

[Mace]

ROFLMAO

"the legend in his own backyard"

[Herr Oberst]

Turn updates:

NONE! NADA! AUCUNE! NICHT!

I find that my opponents (both Cesspool and Rugged Defense) have underhandedly engaged me with the gamiest of all tactics...

I am assaulted and overwhelmed by a deviously orchestrated combined arms attack, consisting of at least 1 Squad of Family (all veterans of the School of "Honey-do"), a Platoon of Subordinates at work (mixed green and elite troops), two platoons of AFC's (anxious friggin' clients), and a Regiment of Cub Scouts (kind of like the worst sort of green Volkssturm) against my one veteran Company Commander.

The lowest of these gamey tactics was the employment of Cub Scouts by one of my opponents. Now if I just knew who that was... THAT nasty little trick I would have expected of the likes of Berli, but if IIRC I'm not playing him at the moment.

Anyway... turns back when I can get to them...

[ 04-20-2001: Message edited by: Herr Oberst ]

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Leeo:

...Water-boy has shown that he sends turns at a rate befitting an ice-age...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Leeo, you loathsome spotty mongrel, I send turns to everyone else with stunning rapidity. It's just you. (But now that you seem to be one of the few games I have left in progress, I may actually speed up. Real Soon Now. Why don't you hold your breath until I send the next move?)

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

...Let him wallow further within the Cess.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Allow me to disabuse you of a misapprehension you seem to have regard "elevation" to knighthood. The end of the 'Pool they populate is deeper, smellier, chunkier, infested by vastly-more-vicious parasites *COUGHCrodaCOUGH*, and generally a ten-times-more-unpleasant place than the shallow kiddie Cesspool we squires splash about in as we learn to fling our own feces with ever-increasing range and accuracy. To become a Knight of the Mutha-Beautiful Thread, the One True Cesspool, is to fully embrace the horror and futility of existence in a very terrifying, perpetual-silent-scream kind of way. Or so I've heard.

At any rate, it is not my place to contradict the arbitrary fiats of that screwball Lorak when he decides who is in or out. I will soldier on in service to my sponsor, the noble, learned, well-groomed, etc Joe Shaw, fighting for the glory of the implied threat of Mormon Wives until such time as I complete another game and achieve the rank of knight (and it is rank).

Until then, my furniture is here.

Agua Perdido

[Marlow]

I've been playing Cm for well over 1,000,000 years now. I've lost 2 games, 1 vs. a non-pooler (which obviously doesn't count) and 1 vs Speedy (Which obviously also doesn’t count). Never lost a single game as Allies (unless you count both of my losses). I've never been out played (unless you count almost any game I am currently playing). Are CM players all talk or have I just played the lower end of the stick? I read all these intelligent comments about game-play yet I've yet to see incorporated into actual game play.

…

My record is 2 loses, 1 draw, uncountable wins. Both loses are through bad luck... (and all my opponents were Gamey Bastages). I've yet to see a player any where near my skill level. NEVER have I been out played (except by all of those of you that are currently kicking my ass, and you know who you are) . Yeah Yeah... I'm an arrogant son of a bitch... true... but I'm a damn good player.

(edited to remove errors in the original found on the outer boards, because even with my poor proof-reading skills, I was appalled by the mutilation of the written word.)

[ 04-20-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

[bauhaus]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Gyrene:

And Bauhaus, I'm sorry if my language offended you, for you only I will now also post my replies in a PG only version, complete with cute bunny pictures.

Gyrene<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Gyrene you Git! I requested your language be cleaned up not because I was offended, but because of BTS as Lorak stated. Now if you can't speak in words bigger than 4 letters, go back to school and learn the English language. Until then, SOD OFF!

[Speedbump]

Iskander's hordes have finally been spotted in the deep, dark woods. It appears they are scruffy cub scouts, huddled around what appears to be aborted attempts at campfires. They have the glazed look of the ignorant as the peer at the kindling, unable to understand why no heat is emanating from the wood.

Ah, and there stands Iskander himself, smokey bear hat in hand gazing with barely repressed desire at his troops!

It is now time for the forces of good and moral to put Iskander in his place (removing his troops from his personal attention!).

My initiation at the hands of Mr. Shaw (sit down Bauhaus), appears to be coming to an end. Unfortunately, the fields are littered with burning tracks and cowering men; the end result of an attack by a full squadron of cess-sucking flyboys. The only positive note for my boys is that most of my tanks are simply immobilized and not destroyed. The evil Mr. Shaw will not get full credit for those units!

Now please kindly bend over and cough!

Speedbump

[ 04-20-2001: Message edited by: Speedbump ]

[jshandorf]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mensch:

Jeffy boy of wonder again thinks hes winning.. look at the score dude.. its looks like an immenent draw! LOL

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

A draw??? You you really think that having a squad of pinned, pissing themselves, soldiers on a flag makes it yours?

It appears I am going to have to put the jackboot into your ass and get this battle over with. As it appears a cat(ME) can only toy with a mouse(YOU) for so long before the cat smashes the little bugger under his paw and then rends the mouse's flesh with it's razor sharp teeth. Meowing in delight said cat goes on a fornicating spree in the neighborhood inpregnating any female feline that moves. That being done, the cat returns home, cracks a Harp, and enjoys the good life sleeping on top of the warm TV set. *sigh*

Jeff

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

To become a Knight of the Mutha-Beautiful Thread, the One True Cesspool, is to fully embrace the horror and futility of existence in a very terrifying, perpetual-silent-scream kind of way.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh! Now that was very nicely put. It does seem to encompass the essence of Knighthood quite well.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Marlow:

I've been playing Cm for well over 1,000,000 years now. I've lost 2 games...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Now, now, now Marlow, let's not be making fun of the poor unfortunates of the outer board.

[David Aitken]

PBEM Report

Well, umm, let's see...

Meeks, after castigating us for not resending turns, is now castigating us for resending turns.

Germanboy is still not playing, and is reportedly hard at work on resurrecting Hitler's plans for Operation Sealion.

Elvis's Canadians are dying in our Rune scenario. He is creeping around in the dark, and wherever he steps, my jackboot is clamped firmly down on his toes.

Leeo has chosen to play Germans again and, I imagine, has bought a Sturmkompanie with supporting marksmen. This is a rather large scenario with me on the attack, over rolling wooded hills on a sunny day. I have bought lots of nice toys to demolish him with.

Ellros and I are playing quite a similar scenario, but of my choosing – and, as such, it is raining – and with only infantry. I don't have lots of different toys, but what I do have, I have lots of.

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Now, now, now Marlow, let's not be making fun of the poor unfortunates of the outer board.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I think that we should show how sportsman-like the 'Poolers are, and provide old KiwiJoey with lots of games, just like we did for Lizard Boy after his trip.

[ 04-20-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

[DekeFentle]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

DuckyFondler wrote:

Do you type that out every time you post? It's not in your signature, so obviously you make a special effort to put it in. Or maybe it's just a mental 'burp' that slips out every time your brain has spewed forth the torrent of witless inanity that disgraces our thread like a cup of tea spilled embarrassingly onto our collective lap. Presumably after your brain has expended its five minutes per day of constructive activity, you go into a kind of spasm, and your fingers hammer out that little phrase before you automatically press the "Add Reply" button and then slump, drooling, onto the floor to recuperate in time for the next day's post. And no matter how many times you post it, you still fail to realise that it should read "humanity's", as in the possession of humanity, rather than "humanities", being the plural of "humanity". Bah. In my day, all of the Peng Thread regulars had a basic education, and could even identify the business end of a tank within the space of half an hour, without consulting the audience or going 50/50.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And your point is? Atykins are you trying to go head to head with ol'joey boy in suckage? If so you'll need a much better effort than this.

Take a deep breath and give a real try, now there's a good laddy.

When the Whuppin' boy speaks, gather round and hearken well. Pain is humanities most eloquent mentor.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I think that we should show how sportsman-like the 'Poolers are, and provide old KiwiJoey with lots of games, just like we did for Lizard Boy after his trip.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Marlow I had to reformat and lost my lovely Gorge scenario (a.k.a. The Death Ride of the French Armored) that Goanna played. I really need to create some more scenarios for scum sucking newbies I suppose.

By the way, I should point out that your comments regarding your win ratio were hilarious, one of the best tongue in cheek parodies I have seen. Of course, as a Knight of the CessPool, you understand that competence at CM is hardly something to boast of, but some of the newer lads might actually take you seriously so maybe a BIT more irony next time?

Joe

[jshandorf]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Of course, as a Knight of the CessPool, you understand that competence at CM is hardly something to boast of, but some of the newer lads might actually take you seriously so maybe a BIT more irony next time?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You just say that because you suck.

I of coarse place GREAT inportance on CM skill. Therefore, as much as I am revolted to admit it, I hold PeterNZer in much esteem, along with Marlow (atleast until our current game continues, after it's over he will return to "pond scum sucking loser" in my book) since they both have bested me in combat.

Currently you, BLOW SHAW, are managing to lose to my vastly outnumbered forces. If I count correctly you have about 2 companies of infantry to my one, 8 armored vehicles to my 4 and NO FOs to my ONE 105mm, which I might say saved my ass.

For all this talk of "Growing a pair" I sure would like to see you display some in digital battle, you silly ankle chewing fop.

Jeff

[ 04-20-2001: Message edited by: jshandorf ]

[jd]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

I move that Joe Shaw be beaten around the ears with an incontinent Pug dog,...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

A viscous calumny against a noble breed,(not Shaw mind you although there is a certain resemblance) I shall of course have mine snort upon your next file before sending it back to you!

[ 04-20-2001: Message edited by: jd ]

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Now, now, now Marlow, let's not be making fun of the poor unfortunates of the outer board.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Other than endlessly demanding the complete re-coding of the currently completed game, I thought that was the only purpose many of them served in the Universe.