A Peng Challenge Too Far

[dalem]

LORAK!!!!!!!!!!

That Swiss-mumbling pantywaist OBSF hath destroyed me on the field of battle, but only because of dastardly trickery and all those other things.

When it was all over and I wiped the tears from my eyes it was

OGSF: Big Win

dalem: Big Loss

I hate surrendering, I hate rain, I hate bocage, I hate scenario do-overs, I hate when my infantry runs into murderous fire to find 'better cover' 30m closer to the source of said murderous fire, but most of all I hate heavily-accented wannabe Hittites that wear hairy skirts and caper and yell about "Jimmae!" this and "Jimmae!" that until my spleen bleeds.

Dammit.

[imported_Wildman]

All of you knaggits and asorted putricent types. I need you to resend the last file, numbered or otherwise, to the following email. weskrisnet@msn.com Unfortunately, until I migrate from MSN explorer to Outlook express the files will need to be zipped.

Any pain and discomfort on your part brings a smile to my face. I am unable to get the files a work easily due to the fact that my replacement has arrived and my computer access is thereby limited. I'm here all weekend and will try to finish the games before I go on my projected PCS move. Way to close to Minneapolis, I might add. God, I hate North Dakota, and only the evil one could have persuaded the Air Force to send my BACK to Minot.

I'll have my revenge for that after I move, your evilness!

As for the rest of you wankers,...you know what to do!

I'll be up for a TCP/IP game if neccessary after 9:30pm Pacific time tonight.

Come to your death, scum!

[Roborat]

What is wrong with you kkknnniiiggghhhiiitttsss anyway???, It is pretty bad when a lowly squire (albeit the senior squire) has to rescue the most holy thread from the insult of relegation to page 2. I think some punnishments are in order.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>What is wrong with you kkknnniiiggghhhiiitttsss anyway???, It is pretty bad when a lowly squire (albeit the senior squire) has to rescue the most holy

thread from the insult of relegation to page 2. I think some punnishments are in order.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Normally that might be true, but the ISSUE here is one of CessPudlian Traditions ... luckily for YOU I'm the keeper of the Traditions of the CessPool. Where, I ask you, would the CessPool be without drunks? Whether they are open and obvious drunks like Peng or the more sedate and covert drunks like ... uh ... hmmmm, actually there AREN'T any sedate and covert drunks. The point is, young Roborat, that without drunks the CessPool just isn't the CessPool, the ambiance would be different ... it might smell better but it would be different.

THEREFORE ... taking the inhabitants of the CessPool to task for being absent on a Friday night in the USA is to suggest that they ignore their DUTY. Yes it's a hard duty, but one they undertake proudly and diligently. Here's to ya CessPoolers, have another on the Justicariate!

What's that? ... the Australians? They're sleeping it off and won't be worth a damn for another twelve hours or so ... actually they won't be worth a damn even then but ...

Joe

{not edited to refer to other nationalities because upon reflection I decided that they matter even less than Australians}

[ 09-21-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Normally that might be true, but the ISSUE here is one of CessPudlian Traditions ... luckily for YOU I'm the keeper of the Traditions of the CessPool.

[ 09-21-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

THAT'S A DAMNABLE LIE, SHAW!

You are the Keeper of the Cesspool laws, bylaws, ways, means, merits, and are obligated to keep the drains somewhat clear.

It is Lorak, you vulgar sodomite, that is the Keeper of the Cesspool traditions! He is the Herald of the Cesspool, after all.

I once offered you that role, and you spurned it.

Which places you in the position of Labrador Retriever to Lorak. Lorak will pass judgement on what constitutes an 'affront' to Cesspool traditions (at least in those cases which require a ruling from a higher court), and it will be your job, Shaw, to resolutely pursue its extirpation from the Thread.

Hahahahaha, Shaw! Hoist on you own Picard...er, petard, lad! You were offered the shot at 'Herald', but chose to pursue a flatfoots approach to justice. Mind, you are the 'lower' court (my gods, isn't that an appropriate designation).

But for all issues that come under question, it is to Lorak that appeal must be made, short of conjuring the Old Ones themselves.

Notice, Shaw, there is no appeal to this concept, as even yerself has made appeal to Lorak to make official your existence.

Sooth your doubtless aggrieved soul by officiously overseeing MrSpkr's supervision of Lars booting himself in the bum.

Then ask Lorak for a ruling on the how close your 'reign of terror' hews to Cesspool tradition. Oh, and then instruct MrSpkr to make Lars get Peng another beer. There's nothing like the 'Chain of Lackeyism' to make you appreciate a really fine heirarchy of idiocy.

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Roborat:

It is pretty bad when a lowly squire (albeit the senior squire) has to rescue the most holy thread from the insult of relegation to page 2. I think some punishments are in order.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Seniour Squire? Lord bend a duck over a chair and french kiss it, lad, you're damn near the bloody Eternal Squire!

Am I to understand that Roborat and that other poxy villain, Capt. Foobar, aren't yet made Knights?! Jesus to jesus and eight hands round, lads, Francisco Franco's career covered a shorter span than these Squireships!

Lorak! By all that doesn't revere Berli! Make these two pillocks Knights!

My gods, the suffering! The anguish! The almost unrelenting stupidity! The merry laughter of Seniour Knights!

Now that, by the gods, was entertainment!

Motion made to make the stupid pillocks Seniour Knights by general acclaim for their unrelievedly idiotic but almost heroic willingness to not merely continue one of the first ever Cesspool Squire Humiliation Matches, but for their almost magically half-witted willingness to periodically show up here and admit that they were still attempting to become Knights of the 'Pool!

One should never ignore, nor fail to reward, a form of dedication that borders on psychosis.

After all, we might need to avenge ourselves on our enemies some day, and you can't beat that sort of dedication for 'low-cost, attentive to duty, who do you want killed, your Lordship' loyalty to an insane concept, now can you?

All Hail Roborat and Capt. Foobar!

Good enough. Now go get Peng another beer, lads.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Motion made to make the stupid pillocks Seniour Knights...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Just a point of order... Capt. Foobar was actually one of the original posters in the Mutha Beautiful Thread

Now, Sean, toddle off and get Peng another beer

[ 09-22-2001: Message edited by: Berlichtingen ]

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Captain Wacky:

Once again you have fallen victim to the steeming, black morass of your own inflated hubris, which I think will soon come crashing down in similar fashion to a certain well-known derigible. Of course I am aware of the fact that I do not have to challenge Peng. You sir, have brazenly insluted my intellect, and I believe we shall soon be rectifying the objection in an efficient manner through ritualized electronic combat. It just so happened that MrPeng's high-pitched and rather girlish voice was the first to pipe up (in a rather unbecoming manner of a member of this strange little cult, IMHO) in regards to my aforementioned post.

In regards to my seemingly hasty exit from this thread, I can only assure you that I was merely paying homage to the hideous bitch-goddess of real life. Now that she is through with me for the moment I fully intend to return where I left off.

Now to attend to matters here *ahem*: You sir (if you are even worth of that title), Mr. Seanachai, have inflicted a grevious and wanton blow against my gentlemanly manner. You may therefore consider yourself challenged to a duel. I believe pistols at dawn is the traditional manner of dealing with such dastardly acts, no? I would advise acceptance of my reasonable offer, lest the yellow stripe growing down your back begin to present itself in the midst of your peers. Upon your confirmation a file will arrive at your doorstop in expediency.

Cheers<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh look, it's back! Now isn't that nice? Yes it is, isn't ? The wee precious tyke.

I always get them, you know. They always make their way to me. The ones who can string together more than six words of english without defecating in their own hand, and the ones who sit there trembling, poised on the edge of their own word useage, biting their lips, waiting for an acknowledgement of their existence.

It's the look in their defiant, dim, puppy-dog eyes that always sucks me in to making a reply. It never works with Berli, God knows. They can do cartwheels, handstands, and juggle kittens while playing a kazoo, and the best they're going to get is spat upon (and likely not with the Dark One's spittle, but spittle he's commissioned elsewhere by means that don't bear dwelling upon.)

So, er, well, lad, I simply cannot address you as 'Captain', as your betters have already been here and have that title. Wacky? Not only does that seem rather informal, but you don't qualify. Or at least, not at this point.

We Old Ones have become rather used to this hubris. Someone shows up, and makes a large noise, and Challenges one of the Old Ones. Oh, the arrogant and laughable idiots choose to call out Berli. There is a certain, decidedly ignorant, perception that Satan is always up for a go around. And, while the Prince of Darkness is always willing to smile and permit a mortal the sin of hubris, he's no more likely to sign off on your need for 'validation' than he is to recall all of the minions of Hell for a jolly sing-song.

Then, of course, there's Peng. Oddly, the Evil One Himself is more likely to give a happy nod to your existence than Peng.

For you see, Peng does not operate from Berli's rather detached and humourous perspective. Peng actually shuffles around in the flesh, half drunk, deeply befriended by Elvis, and raised to the status of a War Gaming Rock Star (more on this anon, and some hair will be oiled, clipped, and curled by the latest dispatches directed at the Army of Peng!)

And then, of course, there is myself. The Seanachai. The very brightest of the stupid bastards challenge me.

Why? Because I've never purposely run over even the dimmest of animals that ran in front of me. Er, let me qualify that: that never ran in front of me on the Peng Challenge Thread.

Captain Wacky, who hereafter I shall designate as 'Lieutenant Bunny' until he proves himself worthy of a better appellation (mind, I find the whole 'pissing about with another poster's name' so much annoying crap), but I am coming to the conclusion that 'the whipped and brutalized SSN' is taught best.

Lieutenant Bunny:

You've no chance of a game against Berli, no luck with the Peng, and while you've amused me, you've given me no compelling reason to play you.

I'm at a loss, presently, as I've no Squire to set upon you.

Amuse me, lad. Force the wagons of our intellect into a circle, and fire the arrows of your wit at our defensive works.

Of course, it would be so much easier for you to just Sod Off.

As regards you future posts: I shall watch them with a certain proprietary sense. But I do ask that you stop clutching my leg, and most especially stop clasping it so closely while rocking forward with that glazed, feverish, and expectant look on your face.

Now, let us knee Saint Bauhaus, and pray.

[ 09-22-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Slapdragon]

Sean,

While the anthropologists were braiding their armpit hair and talking about the latest book from Linda Pinkola Estes, they noted that your foray from the cesspool appears not to be isolated case, but a regular avalanch of commentary on the absurdity of the universe and its various denizens.

I just have to warn you that while I read your posts with glee, you are screwing up these poor women's data set. Soon you will be starting your own threads on issue of uberfrogs to Finnish divisions during the Winter War and waxing philosphic on the color schemes assigned to French deep fryers in 1940. This is only disturbing in that you will force these poor women to rewrite what has to date been a considerable body of work on the cesspool. Everyone knows Anthropologists first write their conclusions then do the research needed to back up their conclusions, so you could be delaying the relase of their new coffee table book on the Cesspudlians by weeks or even months.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Obviously Seanachai is still suffering from the effects of last nights debauchery:THAT'S A DAMNABLE LIE, SHAW! You are the Keeper of the Cesspool laws, bylaws, ways, means, merits, and are obligated to keep the drains somewhat clear.

It is Lorak, you vulgar sodomite, that is the Keeper of the Cesspool traditions! He is the Herald of the Cesspool, after all.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah Seanachai, it does my heart good to see that others have failures of memory as well. I quote to you the initial post of Lorak in which he suggested the post of Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Justicar - A Person that holds the power to punish transgressions of the Traditions, and one of the ultimate authorities in the organization. There is only one Justicar for each Clan at any one time, And all within the clan are subject to their authority, with the only exceptions being members of the Inner Circle.

Only Justicars can call a Conclave, where their judgements are dispensed. These are often harsh, as there are no written guidelines for penalties for specific crimes. And in addition, a Justicar's decisions may only be challenged by another Justicar or head Judge/enforcer. {emphasis added}<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> SO Seanachai, as is CLEARLY obvious, I hold "the power to punish transgressions of the Traditions" of the CessPool! Now you might, I suppose, cry foul in that the powers of the Justicar were only suggested by Lorak and not agreed to by ... oh let's say ... YOU ... <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Seanachai

Member

Member # 1302

posted 09-06-2001 11:30 PM

I think, Lorak, that you may have achieved the solution. This sounds right to me. I wasn't at all happy with the whole 'deputy'

Inquisitor bit.

Oh, and Dalem, lad, no one's poncing around after titles. Occasionally, here in the Peng Challenge Thread, we feel the need to stir the brew, as it were. Just as the tree of liberty must be frequently watered with the blood of patriots (probably very frequently, should Shaw accept the title of Justicar), so here in the Peng Challenge Thread the Mythology must be renewed, the legend deepened and enriched, ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> So it would appear that YOU agreed to the duties and responsibilities of the position and even it's role vis-a-vis the TRADITIONS of the CessPool. In other words, Seanachai FEH! Mind you you're right about the drains. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I once offered you that role, and you spurned it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Herald, HAH! One might as well aspire to the position of Town Crier. None of your circumlocutions here lad. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Which places you in the position of Labrador Retriever to Lorak. Lorak will pass judgement on what constitutes an 'affront' to Cesspool traditions ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh ... I think not. You might recall the line "one of the ultimate authorities in the organization" AND "a Justicar's decisions may only be

challenged by another Justicar or head Judge/enforcer". So you see that YET AGAIN you are wrong ... and yet again an important tradition of the CessPool is upheld. But you still choose to quibble: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>... But for all issues that come under question, it is to Lorak that appeal must be made, short of conjuring the Old Ones themselves.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Seanachai I thought better of you (well, not really but it sounds good). To twist words isn't your style Sir, to change their meanings is beneath you. Note the phrase " a Justicar's decisions may only be challenged by another Justicar or head Judge/enforcer" and take especial note of the words "DECISIONS" and CHALLENGED" . This is FAR different from YOUR word choices of "issues" and "question". Lastly though, you assert: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Notice, Shaw, there is no appeal to this concept, as even yerself has made appeal to Lorak to make official your existence.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah but it is by no means clear that Lorak is the "head judge/Enforcer" , especially as YOU (along with the other Olde Ones) seem insistent upon taking THAT duty unto yourselves!

Seanachai ... there is no shame in admitting that posts were made "under the influence", and forgiveness is available to those who admit their transgressions ... I'd consult with the Father Confessor were I you. Sin must be expiated you know.

Joe

edited to remove the phrase "Seanachai' is a big poo-poo head", not because it isn't true, but because I'm a better man than to stoop to such vulgarity}

[ 09-22-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[stevetherat]

Oh dear, not a good week for you Shaunachai!

Never mind, time to call your anoraked, grubby fingered, sweaty buddies for some moral support.

StR

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Am I to understand that Roborat and that other poxy villain, Capt. Foobar, aren't yet made Knights?! Jesus to jesus and eight hands round, lads, Francisco Franco's career covered a shorter span than these Squireships!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

...and ameobic entities (eg SSNs) have lived long and full lives during that period!

[BFCElvis]

Will Seanachai ever write a post that isn't so long so that I might read it. I have no idea if he is witty or nice or an idiot. If someone could provide me with Cliff Notes that would be swell.

[BFCElvis]

OH...and did I ever mention that I find numbering of turns to be both annoying and unnecessary.

(damn what did I eat for breakfast)

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Does anyone ELSE think that Seanachai had some bad toadstools: Am I to understand that Roborat and that other poxy villain, Capt. Foobar, aren't yet made Knights?!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ummm, YES you ARE to understand that and NO they aren't yet Knights. Why? If you'll PAY ATTENTION to THE WAY THINGS ARE DONE, i.e. the Traditions of the CessPool, you'll find that a squire is required to complete 5 (FIVE) CessPool matches before they are elevated to the rank of Knight. A close perusal of Lorak's site reveals to the discerning eye that each has accumulated a grand total of 2 (Two) matches. Therefore, ipso facto and draino ex machina, they are NOT YET ELIGIBLE FOR KNIGHTHOOD.

MY squires, acknowledged by all to be the best trained squires in the 'pool, ALL had to go through the trial by fire of FIVE MATCHES and By Gawd so will these squires or I'm not the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread and CessPool Drain Commissioner ... mind you the last isn't really relevant but it sounds so good I couldn't leave it out.

Joe

[Roborat]

While I do appreciate the nomination, really, I am a loyal pooler, and I do hold strongly to the traditions therin. I cannot accept that knighthood until the conditions are met. Namely, I am *STILL* trying to finish that squire challenge match that was started sometime back in the pleistocene, we have been stuck on the last turn for at least the last month. I am still waiting on the return post from Foobar. Perhaps he is still sulking from my (tradional) last minute flag rush, which bagged one of his last shermans, and the capture of an almost complete squad of french soldiers, who surrendered to a passing tank about four blocks away, without a single shot being fired (how's that for accurate nationality modelling). So as the squire challenge has not been completed, I am still stuck as the eternal squire.

-whisper mode engaged: (psst, hey you squires, come here...I would like to point that I am not exactly overloaded with games right now, so if some of you other squires would like to pad their stats (check my stats), just sneak around back where the knighits don't bother to patrol to closely... thats right, keep it casual, inconspiquious like...and we can do some... practicing, yea, thats it, hint, hint, nudge nudge). -whisper mode off

So, although it would be nice to get those coveted spurs, since I am squired to the missing psychotic Meeks, who we all know and love (or is that loathe??), I don't really have it too bad. The hovel...I mean palatial palace, of Meeks is finally beginning to loose that deranged ambiance it originally had; and I have the place to myself, once I got rid of those rabid hamsters that infested it.

(Damm, the thread is near the bottom of page 1 again, bloody lazy knights.)

-edited to confuse the issue

[ 09-23-2001: Message edited by: Roborat ]

[Mark IV]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elvis:

OH...and did I ever mention that I find numbering of turns to be both annoying and unnecessary.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

If we start disqualifying things on the basis of being annoying and unnecessary, most of the thread (not to mention the Outer Board) would be gone. Nearly on page 2 as it is.

Where's me turns, you offal sacks? I'm going to have to start reading books if this keeps up.

[OGSF]

Pillocks!

[Joe Shaw]

It is this that you must understand ... attornies are NOT to be trusted. We would, I know, rather it not be so. We would rather be able to trust and rely upon the legal profession which we must, on occassion (in the case of Stuka FREQUENT occassion), deal with. It is not so.

jd LIED, CHEATED and through the use of DISINFORMATION and other VILE and HATEFUL tactics, did defeat the forces of good ... namely mine.

He forced me to divide MY forces while he kept HIS tightly grouped, he forced me to attempt an UNSUPPORTED flank attack while he used AN ENTIRE COMPANY to support his response. And then, with a victory IN HAND and ASSURED, he did with malice aforethough ASSAULT and OVERWHELM my remaining few defenders atop the last VL. He didn't HAVE to do that, he would have won anyway AND HE KNEW IT! But his bloodlust would not be quenched and he DESTROYED THEM.

He is, I fear, an evil man.

Lorak!

jd: A desipicable and unjust WIN

Joe Shaw: An unjustified and unfair LOSS

Joe

[jd]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

He is, I fear, an evil man.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Why Joe, (blush) thank you very much. Your AAR was spot on. As an past defender of the poor and downtrodden it does my heart good to kick the Justicarate in the patootee...

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>As an past defender of the poor and downtrodden it does my heart good to kick the

Justicarate in the patootee...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Why you presumptious swine! The Justicariate of the Peng Challenge Thread is more than just one man ... be he ever so grand. It is a stand for tradition, a reservior of truth and a refuge for all TRUE CessPudlians. Count yourself fortunate that a member of the Justicariate would NEVER use his position to take revenge over a trivial matter like a CM loss.

Say though, you sound awfully PROUD of that win ... hmmmm.

Joe

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

He is, I fear, an evil man.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

He is a lawyer, so isn't this statement a bit redundent?

[stevetherat]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Roborat:

(psst, hey you squires, come here...I would like to point that I am not exactly overloaded with games right now...)[ 09-23-2001: Message edited by: Roborat ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey mecharodent, being another lifer squire and another Rat, how about getting down to a 'War of the Rats'?

I don't mind what conditions you impose just as long as that bitch Berli doesn't have anything to do with it (playing one of his right now against Wildman. Arsehole!)

StR

[MrPeng]

I'm beginning to think that MrSlappy should be a serf or something. SIT DOWN PSHAW! Let me finish, then you can start your foaming at the mouth about traditions &cet.

42. MrSlappy's name sounds an awful lot like a very good pal of mine's - you all may know him as MrHappy.

11. He is not a complete bonehead.

XII. He makes people really really mad and he does it from a position of a certain amount of edumacated authority.

4. (This is the approximate number of lentils I have eaten in my life)

4. (this is the next point in my Pengnumertated list) MrSlappy appears to have integrated such concepts as Irony, Bathos, Sarcasm, Satire and Wit into his personality.

(6.02 X 10 to the power of negative 23 {which I cannot in my feeble usage of UBB code make look right even though I have tried many times to figure out how to do a superscript}some of you filthy swine know how to do it. damn you). It might actually be irritating to MrSlappy to be recruited into our little Band of Bastards- The NEW miniseries coming soon to Haitch Bee OH!

3. Otherwise I just got home from a weekend away with the fam and was a bit bored and wanted to make sure the MBT didn't sink too far down page 1.

So, what do you say laddies and germs? Should we foist serfdom upon MrSlappy? force him to play that Scum Sucking Newbie MrWhacker in a round of JABO!? or Crodaburg? DEMAND that he return with AARs weekly - or even more frequently - Lets hear it for MrSlappy!

Peng

edited @#*@#$* UBB code!

[ 09-23-2001: Message edited by: MrPeng ]

[bauhaus]

Gentlemen-

I am back, to those who care. To my esteemed opponents, turns tomorrow, unless we start bombing some country into the ground. I apologize for the tardiness in getting turns back.....but.....I managed to get sick after the wonderfully long week we (Berli and Moriartyincluded) had almost two weeks ago. I'm just a big wimp. Had to say that before The Evil One, and I've just been lazy and unmotivated in playing the game. So shoot me. So I thank you for your patience. Now all ya' all, go screw yourselves!