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A Peng Challenge Too Far


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This is the Peng Challenge Thread. If you don't know for sure that you should be here, then you shouldn't be here. It would make a lot of people very happy, and save you a lot of time and heartache, if you would just hit that BACK button and go and discuss the muzzle velocity of a North American P45 Grognard.

If you're still here, you want a game. If you're not prepared to get a game by singling someone out and challenging them in a loquacious, witty, inventive and sarcastic manner, then go to the menu at the bottom of the page, select "CM Opponent Finder" and post in that forum.

Otherwise, you'd better have thick skin. You are very welcome in our midst. But not really.

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I'm posting here because it's the lesser of two evils. While I absolutely HATE the idea of ANY Brit, let along David Aitken hosting the MBT, it is FAR better that he do so than the ignominity of having another {shudder} SQUIRE hosting it.

That being said, the recitation of the rules violated innummerable of the long established and sacred traditions of the CessPool and as Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread and CessPool Drain Commissioner DESIGNATE I'm forced to take note of that failure.

MrSpkr, in your role of Assistant Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread and Associate CessPool Drain Commissioner DESIGNATE, please take note of this failure ... it is a GOOD thing to have a staff.

Joe

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Elvish wrote:

These are some real Wankers.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh boy, Pat Robertson. His reputation preceeds him. He's in this country's bad books for describing it as a dark land where homosexuals have supremacy. His banking company had ties with The Royal Bank Of Scotland until he said that and there was a backlash against him. A religious preacher with a TV show and a financial company? Only in America. If he said what he said about Tuesday's events in this country he would be laughed out the door and back across the Atlantic Ocean.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Jo Sha wrote:

While I absolutely HATE the idea of ANY Brit, let along David Aitken hosting the MBT, it is FAR better that he do so than the ignominity of having another {shudder} SQUIRE hosting it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Think of it as a Blairesque chum-up-to-the-Yanks thread. We're your right hand men. Remember when it was the other way round? We were the ones who controlled the world and you were our outpost across the pond? Ah, those were the days. Well, just remember that you're always welcome on Airstrip One.

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Sorry von schradling, but in MBT terms you are lower than a dust mite (despite your admirable humiliation of Goanna).

I could raise an objection to this one too, as it is started by a resignee, a Brit, and a confessed Mac user, but in the interests of BBS stability, I graciously acquiesce.

Now, I think we were discussing the overall useless wankdom of chrisl and I liked where it was going....

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

[ed]Snip[/ed]

Now, I think we were discussing the overall useless wankdom of chrisl and I liked where it was going....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes, we were in that general vicinity - I think it all started last night when Seanawind was yappering about the dogpile thing that our lying sac of physicist had created from the muck of his brain-pan in order to torture two members of the 'pool. {how was that for a glob of gibbering syntax?} Those two members being of course Me and Seanapooh.

Well, it isn't so much a scenario as it is a sort of a thing where on one side of the river we have two mini battles and on the other side of the river we have two mini-battles and these four mini-battles sort of get mixed together with a backstabbing shot to the bunker from a lend-lease Sherman and a counter blow to a Stuart from a magically appearing StuG III, and no one can tell (nor does anyone seem to care) just who is doing what to whom.

Then to our Horror the VLs are in fact turning up with Old Glory when to the best of our knowledge there are Brits and Germans in the scenario. So the imagery of a solid rogering by a road-killed porcupine seemed not only just and fitting, it actually verges on the profound. I must say I was quite pleased that the long-winded one saw fit to recycle it in his post, and now here I am recycling it again.

If any of you Kalifornicators care to hunt chrisl down and hold him in place, I will be happy to provide the road-killed porkypine. There are a lot of them on the roads this time of year, of course you have to grab em as soon as you see em or you may end up in a tussle with one of the locals who was fixin to make a nice stew out of the carcass.

Be that as it may, Seanachew and I will continue to plug away at this "scenario" until the following:

B. chrisl gets that rogering.

11. One of us wins

42. We can't take it anymore.

So, who's for a bit of a sing-song then?

Peng

edited because my little hands haven't finished growing

[ 09-16-2001: Message edited by: MrPeng ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>von dickhead spewed:

Aye, I have been unsurped by the Master of Imagery. Too late on the 'Post New Thread' finger.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Like we would ever even recognize, let alone POST IN, a pseudo-MBT started by a mere speck on the rump of a pissant like yourself.

Go back to arguing with handprints about the non-grogginess of using crews to close assault the enemy forward observers or somefink.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>von dickhead further spewed:

Upon scrolling above and re-reading what I wrote, I have come to the conclusion that I am in fact a dickhead. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Truer words were never spoken. Frankly, I like your new self-adopted moniker. Honesty is a good policy in most endeavors.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Joe Shaw said:

{Something about noticing von dickhead which now appears to be irrelevant as I have already addressed said issue}<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Noted. Oh yes, Sir Shaw, I prefer the term VICE Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread -- it has a certain ring to it.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Peng warbled:

Drop the "designate" already or I will rip your liver out with your shin-bone. And you owe me a turn.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Please do it -- it will mean I am up for a promotion.

I'll even reward your services with a little scenario that chrisl came up with . . .

{edited to offer a FINE, FINE reward}

[ 09-16-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Mr.Spkr said his usual dribble so no need to quote him in full <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey you MOOKS. One day when the topplement is complete and you are looking up to me from the cavernous holes where you dwell you will say, 'I knew him when he was just a mere Squire' and will demand some kind of mercy from me.

There will be none. As a matter of fact Mr.Beeker I am going to roll over you next on my way down the ladder. (that is the way to the pool, is it not?)

I would say a 1,500 point QB or some lop-sided, near-sighted scenario created by the best designer(read anyone remotely competent to create a battle) in this pool would be fair. Then when your topplement is over I will offer my hand to you in order to show you the way of being the newest of the Piss-boy family.

May you choke on the phlegm of your post, you git. BTW, you should move from Texas as it is too great of a state for the likes of you and your yellow-bellied ways.

von shrad

Edited because I still can't spell

[ 09-16-2001: Message edited by: von shrad ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Well, it isn't so much a scenario as it is a sort of a thing where on one side of

the river we have two mini battles and on the other side of the river we have two mini-battles and these four mini-battles sort of get mixed together with a backstabbing shot to the bunker from a lend-lease Sherman and a counter blow to a Stuart from a magically appearing StuG III, and no one can tell (nor does anyone seem to care) just who is doing what to whom.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Excepting only minor details, would you be so kind as to explain how THIS differs from the multiple battles on both sides of the river with reinforcements appearing willy-nilly MONSTROSITY that YOU inflicted upon Berli (mind you HE deserved it) and myself? Sounds like the pot (YOU, not to put too fine a point on it) calling the kettle (chrisl though that may well dignify him too much) black!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>PShaw! Drop the "designate" already or I will rip your liver out with your shin-bone. And you owe me a turn.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Very well, I trust that Lorak will forgive my transgression in favor of thread harmony. I CERTAINLY take no notice of your threats. As to the turn ... it's my birthday, leave me alone.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Noted. Oh yes, Sir Shaw, I prefer the term VICE Justicar of the Peng Challenge

Thread -- it has a certain ring to it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh I say, that's quite good isn't it? Of course you WOULD like the sound of "VICE".

STILL NO SURRENDERS! Need I remind you that it's customary to give someone what they ask for on their birthday!

Joe

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

STILL NO SURRENDERS! Need I remind you that it's customary to give someone what they ask for on their birthday!

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I surrender Joe. But since we're currently not playing a game against each other I will have to merely surrender my patience to your enfeebled whining.

Put a mildewed sock in it. Better yet, send me a setup, and put some stank on it.

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Aitken wrote:

"Oh boy, Pat Robertson. His reputation preceeds him. He's in this country's bad books for describing it as a dark land where homosexuals have supremacy. His banking company had ties with The Royal Bank Of Scotland until he said that and there was a backlash against him."

Duh, David. Oscar Wilde exposed the deviant nature of upper crust British society 100 years ago. And more recently, your Prince Edward actually suffered himself to marry a real (though greedy) woman to bolster the Family Image.

Now, how can you claim to host the Cesspool when you resigned a week ago? Does Seanachai or Peng need to administer the last rites before you will leave? Is there no decency left?

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Now, I think we were discussing the overall useless wankdom of chrisl and I liked where it was going....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Worthless is too good for that wanker chrisl. He inflicted that monstrosity called "Event Horizon" on the old harpooner (Meeks' cousin, as I recall) and I. We had just started to get into the blender blades of finesse chrisl calls 'reinforcements' when harpooner left, never to be heard from again. Now, I will leave it to the lavishly liquored minds of the MBT to trip, stumble, and vomit over whether harpoon's exit was a good or not-so-good thing, but there can be no doubt that chrisl's gift with scenario design is akin to the intellectual input a sheep gives to it's own shearing.

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Holy fecking Moses!

I go on hols for a week and look what's happened.

First, some drug dealer gets shot down our street, blocking it off and making it quite difficult to get to the airport in time. Then, having got there on time, being subjected to a two hour delay and once we do get to our hotel, finding a bloody building site underneath our bloody window!

That pales in comparisson, of course, to events in America. Sympathies to you.

StR

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Posted in another incarnation by the shifty and inscrutable Zhou Xia:

I know that many of you have been agonizing over the question of the week ... what WILL I get Joe for his birthday on Sunday?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

A year's supply of Depends™ Adult Incontinency Support Garments is winging its way to Beulahland even as we speak.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Leeo:

Worthless is too good for that wanker chrisl. He inflicted that monstrosity called "Event Horizon" on the old harpooner (Meeks' cousin, as I recall) and I. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It is one and the same then. Sneachichai and I feel your anguish. If only one of us could disappear from the face of the earth the way 'Pooner did...DONT GET YOUR HOPES UP, YOU LOT.

Peng

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Lawyer (correct name used for good reason) wrote:

Is there no decency left?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

There never was any, but irony is apparently in plentiful supply. I would point that out more often, but I'm a decent chap, and I think "no... he's a lawyer, I'm sure it's been pointed out to him a hundred times before that the only way he can avoid been revealed as a lying hypocrite is if he keeps his mouth shut, so I don't suppose there's any need to drive the point home". And watch what you say about Prince Edward, I believe he has a TV production company and has been known to "work" in the USA (and complain that we don't respect him enough for spending our money).

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng:

It is one and the same then. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It isn't quite the same scenario. Seanachai and Peng got the kinder gentler version, with Canucks or Brits or something like that instead of Americans. It was also toned down a bit, to only about 6000 pts per side, from about 7500 or so for the Leeo/Harpooner game.

Let's not forget the atrocity that I gave to Dorosh, either--called "Juno" and with about a thousand yards of clean beach for him to cross into a serious german defense.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng:

It is one and the same then. Sneachichai and I feel your anguish. Peng<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I wanna play the blender with someone!!!! I know! von Shrad? If I were to be interested in a sister, out here in the outback of the Northwest, I'd prefer my own sister, you wanker!!! What say ye we play this "event horizon" monstrosity? I admit, I have about 10 turns of foreknowledge, but really, in this scenario, it matters not. I was the Allies last time, so I'll be the Axis this go. Trust me (heh heh heh), it makes little difference. Just be prepared for large files.....

Perhaps we can even appeal to the gallery (or should that be Pit?), that upon your successful completion of this (if I recall correctly) 45 turn monstrosity, you could even be elevated to KKkkkkkaaaaannigget! Of course, you'll probably be renting real estate in a cemetery before it ever comes to conclusion, but Hey!, a fella's gotta hope, right?

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Leeo:

I wanna play the blender with someone!!!! I know! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I recommend the version that Sneezy and Peng are playing. The concept is the same, but the units are a little different.

It's only 45 turns because that was during my phase when I liked to see things played out, rather than end while some Greyhound is drawing a bead on the back of a KT at 10 m. It really should be over by 30 turns or so. The extra turns are there so that the players can play until it's decided, rather than cut off prematurely (calm down Bauhaus, that's not what we were referring to).

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The Japanese commandant of the prison camp in "Bridge Over the River Kwai" used to begin all his addresses to his prisoners with the words, "I hate the British." I want you all to know that I feel the same about the esteemed Mr. Mark IV of ill fame. Still, I must acknowledge the good when I see it, and therefore I commend to you all his remarks in the following thread:

Historiographical Morons

I hate him. He is gamey like a 4-week old pheasant. His taste in Scotch is dubious. He lives in Kalifornia, at least for now. But he knows how to put the boot in, and I can but admire that.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>He can't deny it, Leeo actually wrote: Perhaps we can even appeal to the gallery (or should that be Pit?), that upon your successful completion of this (if I recall correctly) 45 turn monstrosity, you could even be elevated to KKkkkkkaaaaannigget!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Aha, MrSpkr business is picking up nicely I see. Prepare the usual questions please:

How long have you been of the CessPool?

How long have you been a Knight of the CessPool?

Are you familiar with the tome of Lord Lorak?

Are you aware that only Lord Lorak can make a tree ... scratch that, it's a Knight ... hard to tell the difference in some cases.

Are YOU Lord Lorak?

Oh and Lars make sure the rack is well oiled, I don't like hearing squeaks, they interfer with the lovely sound of the screams.

Joe

[ 09-16-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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I see that god has posted on the main board. It does my black heart good to see him present himself as a complete idiot. Seanachai would make a better god... of course, I have often thought that he was god (who else could be that much of a pain in the ass?). On a similar note, Peng is obviously Odin... left alone in Valhalla, and driven quite insane

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