A Peng Challenge Too Far

[RedOrDead]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Your sig sucks too. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

At least it's wastes fewer letters than yours! I hope you guys' gaming skills are better than your debating skills otherwise I'm wasting my time (Goes without saying that I don't mind wasting yours).

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RedOrDead:

At least it's wastes fewer letters than yours! I hope you guys' gaming skills are better than your debating skills otherwise I'm wasting my time (Goes without saying that I don't mind wasting yours).<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh no, another Brit. Look here, matey lad & cheerio (mmm, Cheerios...):

Gaming skills are useless here, superior wit and making fun of Sir Shaw are all that matter. Consider it a Gentlemens' Club that excludes all of its own members by charter.

[Lars]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

Originally posted by Justicar Shaw:

Now everyone has a right to be absent for a time, but Simon Fox hasn't shown up since the day he was frocked as CessPool Grog.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I thought that was the whole point, Sire.

As for Slapdragon, having read all his posts, he has yet to grasp the simple concept of a Challenge. Who needs a Squire that doesn’t play? Wait a minute, perhaps MrSpkr should take him, his last Squire wasn’t much of a challenge either.

And Stalin’s Organ, Buzzsaw, and CMplayer, send a turn, you pillocks! It ain’t Friday anymore!

[ 09-25-2001: Message edited by: Lars ]

[Slapdragon]

My gawd, I cannot believe it.

Here I am enjoying the debate by various Pengers over my entry, when here comes a poltroon (sorry Paw-Boom, I know that is what I usually call you) British virgin with a 7th grade education (sorry, those three descriptives are synonyms but I am rushed to type this before I take my lie detector test) sticking his 4 post self into the mutha beautiful thread.

And I think, I thought these guys had standards. Well strike that, I knew the thread did not have standards, Shaw is a member, but I thought there was a health code or somefink that was maintained here, cause I never saw Lewis about.

Now I say to myself, if this guy gets in, so will every Finn and Aussie with a 120 word vocabulary and a book on World War Two, followed by a flood of Frenchmen (a word that is full of contrast) and finally ending by oblivion.

Now, knowing you have no standards, I will show some of the honor of nobles that my clan is famed for, demonstrated by my great great great great uncle's final words when shot by his own troops in the battle of the wilderness, which I cannot recall right now but are inscribed on some family ornament or other in my father's den.

I will not enter as a Serf of course, but I will accept Squireness, and I will not demand a certian knight, but will accept the choice of the gentled-man threaders. Realizing that during the day I will be mild mannered Squire Steve, but by night I put on my wife's yoga tights and sail out into the main thread as Slapdragon, slayer of idiots.

There, that was quite a nice speach. Much nicer than that other thread crasher and his Idiotic Drivel .

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Microsoft Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I will not enter as a Serf of course, but I will accept Squireness, and I will not demand a certian knight, but will accept the choice of the gentled-man threaders.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> What the hell is this? You see what happens Seanachai, when the established order is ignored? Now we have SSNs, for Gawd's Sake, thinking they have the right to NEGOTIATE! You see what comes of your flaunting of the Traditions of the CessPool!

By GAWD in the OLDE THREAD we wouldn't have stood for such insolence ON THE PART OF A SQUIRE, let alone a slimy SSN. Fix or do SOMEFINK, Seanachai or I won't be able to protect you from the righteous anger of the CessPool ... hell I might fire up a torch myself!

Joe

p.s. oh ... Dead In Bed ... {in his best, and his best is pretty damned good, W.C. Fields voice} Go away little boy you bother me.

[Buzzsaw]

Lars

I will try to get a turn out this evening.

I am enjoying trampling all those crew members lined up on your right flank. And what is that big ugly hiding behind the roadblock? (No, I know it isn't MrSpkr's sister).

No time for a longer post. I spent too much time reading long-winded posts of dubious merit. I'll leave mine short and unquestionably lacking all merit.

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Slapdragon:

I will accept Squireness.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

...and I'd squire him, based on his outerboard crankiness alone... if I weren't such a lazy bastard. Yes, I'm too lazy to get someone to do all my work for me (although not too lazy to come here and whine about it... hey, irony isn't dead, after all (it just has this hacking cough which makes it very obvious)). Find someone who gives a rat's behind. Speaking of rat's behinds:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RedOrDead:

WHAT YOU SAY !!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, still no sounding off like it has a pair, or at least half a goddamn brain. Slappy, your first duty will be to take out the garbage. We have enough rats in the 'Pool already, and maggots are starting to multiply.

Agua Perdido

[Edited because I slipped on a banana peel--Slappy, find a sponsor and take out the damned garbage! How many times do I have to tell you? If that trash isn't out by the curb in 15 minutes, no TV for a week!]

[ 09-25-2001: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

By GAWD in the OLDE THREAD we wouldn't have stood for such insolence ON THE PART OF A SQUIRE, let alone a slimy SSN. Fix or do SOMEFINK, Seanachai or I won't be able to protect you from the righteous anger of the CessPool ... hell I might fire up a torch myself!

Joe

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Joe, you're overlooking one vital factor: How does this affect me? I know you're old and slow and things of that nature, but try to remember that the key issue here is whether or not I get a Squire, something I heartily sort of think would be kind of okay sometimes. Slappy (may I call you Frank?) has shown some moxie, some pepsi, and indeed even some dropsy when dealing with the tripe smokers of the "my millimeter's bigger than your millimeter" threads.

Sure it's easy to pick on the small-brained and large-egoed, and sure Frank is good at that, and sure we don't care, but again, thinking of it in terms of my personal needs, I say he will be fine in here, because most importantly of all, he can be ignored just as easily as any other SSN.

We now return you to your originally-scheduled program, already in progress.

[**YK2**]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Slapdragon:

And I think, I thought these guys had standards.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yeah so did I. But it appears those standards are slipping, I mean, after all, looks like they are about to make you a Squire no less, and not an inch of grovelling coming from your way........

I agree with Joe Shaw on this one, has the verbose Knightttttty Sir Pemble gone soft or what? After the truly magnificent attempt to waylay PL from ever becoming a squire, (he suffered big time) to the extent, you even had me feeling sorry for the guy, I mean.... come on, wakey wakey you lot, Slapdragon is laughing at you. Yep, he is, he is sitting back there thinking to himself,

"Boy, that sure was easy, a few long winded posts, a little bit of mud slinging here and there and I'm in. And now, like Joe points out, the guy is even making demands.

I say make him weep, make him crawl on his hands and knees just like PL did before he becomes a squire, make him WANT to become a squire so much that he might (with any luck) start wearing his wifes Yoga Tights over his head, and not just at night either. BAH nothing but a SSN high on his own saliva.......

yep......the old way was the best way......

Long live the Peng Thread, Mother of all Threads.

Failing that, Cya all in Hell.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>yep......the old way was the best way......<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah my dear Dame YK2, in the words of the old song: I Love My Wife But Oh You Kid.

Joe

[Madmatt]

Start preparing the next Peng Thread Please...

Email me with names etc..

Madmatt

--------------------

[Joe Shaw]

Okay gang, the Justicariate of the Peng Challenge Thread is going to step in here and HOPEFULLY you clowns will start the new thread properly.

1. ONLY Knights ... no damned Squires or SSNs may submit thread titles.

2. Include PENG and CHALLENGE in the title.

3. Post some GOOD rules, we're getting tired of having these SSNs wander in without guidance.

I would propose a new thread myself but I believe in allowing others to learn by doing. And they call me The Hammer of the CessPool ... I'm just a big softie at heart.

Joe

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

"Now's the time to say goodbye to all our company. M I C

see you in the cesspool

K E Y

Why? Because I have no life so speak of.

*sigh*

[ElGuapo]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

How nice for you.

We must all face our own "El Guapo." Ours is the real "El Guapo."

Now sound off like ya got a pair or sod off! Preferably the latter.

Agua Perdido<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

-----------------------

Agua, would you say I have a PLETHORA of 88 shells here? Maybe tonight when I get through with the saucy brit who started this version of the rabble rousers thread, I will have time to slap a pair in the face of your platoons.

Sr. Aitken, we shall conclude our year long battle tonight. I see an invincible Tiger in your future.

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ElGuapo:

ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US !!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Aitken, I blame you for this. You didn't post the rules at the beginning of this MBT, so the SSNs wander in spewing drivel without the remotest chance of having a clue (not that the rules would help, but it gives us every right to smack them with a flounder). Why, I'm of half a goddman brain to sick Sir Shaw on you.

Agua Perdido

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Aitken, I blame you for this. You didn't post the rules at the beginning of this MBT, so the SSNs wander in spewing drivel without the remotest chance of having a clue (not that the rules would help, but it gives us every right to smack them with a flounder). Why, I'm of half a goddman brain to sick Sir Shaw on you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Exactly Sir Agua, I've taken note of his failure previously but he IS a Brit after all and we can't expect TOO much of them. However, I [EMPHASIS] TRUST [/EMPHASIS] that the NEXT author of the M.B.T. will post the rules IN THEIR ENTIRITY so that we can properly point our fingers and laugh at the SSNs who drift in with the tide.

The most recent one IS a bit of dim bulb isn't he?

Joe

{edited to remove a six page diatribe against Seanachai and his persistent efforts to bring the CessPool to it's knees ... I judged it to be redundant}

[ 09-25-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[OGSF]

At sqirrelates mah troos tae bae sayin' thus, boot Ah'm aincleened tae agree wi' tha stainkin' Justicar, and o' course tha ever loovely lass, YK2. Slapwagon as a stankin' scum suckin' newbie git bastarrrd an' needs tae stack some sods, an' thank us fer tha privelage. Ah didnae gi' a weepin' rat's sphincter aboot has carry-ons' ootseed tha MTB, boot ain here he's nought but a wee pooty thing. Seanachai yer a poxillated salmon stain fer usurpin' tha sacred traditions. Widdnae ye satasfeed wi' tha trauma o' one lengthy court case (stenographers aixcepted)? Ye noo saim tae bae stompin' aboot tha 'Pool lak a young Forrest Gump ain wellington boots wantin' another! Waill Ah sae tae ye, laddie, "Run Forrest! Run!". Wi' ainy luck ye'll trip an' gi face doon fer tha count. Af'n Mr Bleedin' Snapdragon didnae lak tha traditions o' tha MBT, he kin sod off, lak any other stankin' wee poot sniffin' SSN.

An' Dalem, ye junior accountin' supervisor wannabee, Af'n ye want a squire tae play wi, tak ye Mr Potato Haid set aintae tha bathroom wi ye tha next teem ye git tha urge tae "squeeze off a grumpy".

Bastaarrds

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OGSF:

An' Dalem, ye junior accountin' supervisor wannabee, Af'n ye want a squire tae play wi, tak ye Mr Potato Haid set aintae tha bathroom wi ye tha next teem ye git tha urge tae "squeeze off a grumpy".

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Look here, you hammer throwing yammerer - I didn't ask for your advice on squirification and now that I see it steaming in the moonlight like the disappointing fewmet pile it is, I'm even less interested.

We just have to fast-forward through the "do we like Slappy or don't we like Slappy" phase. I mean heck, do we like his posts? No. Are they windy and tired? Yes. Is he hated on the Outerboards? Yes. Is dragging this out annoying the hell out of Joe? Yes. All of these things seem like positives to me.

[ 09-25-2001: Message edited by: dalem ]

[MrSpkr]

And now for something completely different--

UPDATES!

Berli and I are struggling over a treelined roadside inn (sort of a pre-revolutionary Ramada without all the red trim) for no apparent reason. I rush my Allied/American forces forward, he mows them down. He moves his gamey Fallschirmjagermeisters laterally, and I drop artillery on them. All in all, a bloody little stalemate.

Lawyer apparently got some special favors at the last sidebar. His entire right flank, save a few tired, ragged GI's, blew up (unfortunately, not all at once, which would have been prettier, but blown up in any event). To compensate, he has had the audacity to blow up all my forces on MY right flank. I think a mistrial may be in order.

Joe Shaw apparently never told his troops about the dangers of playing with matches. In our bomb-em-all-and-let-God-sort-it-out-fest, he has managed to set fire to two different buildings he occupies. He is also losing ground to my FRENCH untertruppen. He claims that he fights in the style of Jackson at Chancellorsville -- I guess that means he runs around a lot, then dies in the end.

Marlow owes me a turn. We are in the end game phase, and I am demonstrating to the pathetic remnants of his British soldiers the clear superiority of German tactics -- along with the fun one can have with flamethrowers and fallschirmjagers.

shandorf and I are playing the 'Hitdorf on the Rhine' scenario. He has over a company of veteran Ami paratroops with 105mm arty support. I have about two platoons of regular heer and some conscript sicherung, plus three Mark IV sardine cans. HE is preparing for a gamey last minute flag rush -- I have positioned my tanks to make him pay for it. Oh, for the days of CM:BB, when the game will extend if the flag changes control on the last turn. He has also refused to comment about our game or even write a single word in any of his turn files in over a month, which, I suppose, is confirmation of the old adage, every dark cloud has a silver lining.

Leeeo and I continue to run around in the dark -- I think the game is almost over, though. It is an evil little scenario involving a river, swamps, a big forest, and lots of rain. He is sneaky. I am dying a lot, and can't do much to prevent his win now.

Speedbump is the anti-leeo. We are playing a scenario involving lots of conscript infantry against a few brave Canucks. He is now trying to see if his men can run away from me faster than my tanks can catch up to him.

I put my money on the tanks.

Goanna has finally revealed his infantry purchases. Being a polite sort of chap, I have ordered my Wasps to start campfires for his men while my British soldiers advance to greet them, well, warmly.

Wildman barely won our little gambit. He lost four of his five armored assets (Hellcats, I believe). Unfortunately, he outfitted one of his tanks with the ultragamey x-ray-HEAT ammunition, allowing him to fire THROUGH buildings to hit enemy tanks. Cheapo bastiche.

LORAK, scribe thusly:

Wildman: cheating shooting-through-walls tactical WIN

MrSpkr: valiant defensive LOSS

The rest of you are nothing more than cheap winos who sniff after you wipe.

{edited because I forgot about my game with Elvis, who is, of course, utterly forgettable in his own right. We have just set up to playtest a scenario. We started a week ago, but, as he HATES turn numbering, and I HATE not using my PBEM organizer program (which requires numbered files), his file was been overlooked (rather like Elvis himself). I just happened to slip on his greasey banana peel of a file while taking out the trash, and thought I would mention it. Apparently, I am attacking his puny little village with half an Allied armor division. He is defending with ten grumpy old men with fishing poles and ice-picks. Should be fun.}

[ 09-26-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>He claims that he fights in the style of Jackson at Chancellorsville -- I guess that means he runs around a lot, then dies in the end.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> GLORIOUSLY ... you forgot gloriously. ... then dies gloriously in the end. I shouldn't have to explain these things you know but you WERE the Squire to Seanachai so ...

Speaking of Seanachai, I fear that I may have fanned the fires too high in my justified and righteous wrath. Let us, by all means, see what tack he takes ... THEN we'll hang the guilty bastiche. Any orders for stenographers? Blond, redhead, brunette? Petite, Average, Brunhilde? And for Dame YK2, Greek or Roman God?

Joe

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

GLORIOUSLY ... you forgot gloriously. ... then dies gloriously in the end.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You're right, Joe. Let me amend it as follows:

"I guess that means he runs around a lot, then gets GLORIOUSLY shot by his own troops at the end."

Better?

{edited to emphasize gloriously}

[ 09-26-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[Panzer Leader]

Crikey! I've been on vacation all weekend and you clowns still haven't managed to top off this thread?!?! That's it, I'm going back to my 'old ways'...

[Roborat]

Hey, it's not locked yet. You are all stinky doodoo heads (damn, I am spending WAY to much time with my kids).

HI DAD!!!

[Slapdragon]

Nope, not locked yet.

[RedOrDead]

Dim, uneducated, and unenlightened by anything approximating to a comprehensible set of rules, my amoeba-like brain does at least recognise the general concept of a challenge.

The best way to make me SOD OFF (by far the best result for everybody, including me) would be to humiliate me so thoroughly upon the field of battle (verbal humiliation I am too dim to understand) that I dare not show my face ever again.

So how about it? Slapdragon perhaps?