THE BLOODY PENG CHALLENGE THREAD: ESCAPE FROM DOWNUNDER

[jdmorse]

Mace you useless ozzie poohbah..are you ducking me or pissed that I plagerized (with attribution I might add) your xmas card? No turns from you in the longest or replies to discreet inquries. So now I take it public. Send me the frickin turn ya half baked marsupial. i'd get faster reactions out of friccassing and roasting a platypus or other denizens of the land down under. Who brought us Men at Work, fer gawd sakes.

Let's finish your destruction and dismemberment. If you want a chance at avenging your pathetic and pisspoor showing I have offered you that chance in a rematch. Suck it up you wanker and git a move on, lest I invoke an incarnation to Petersheepshagger to show you some "special" attention. If it is all a misunderstanding, well, nevermind

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If frogs had uzi's, snakes woudn't mess with them so much. - Hiram

[This message has been edited by jdmorse (edited 12-28-2000).]

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Berli. No fire for you. I'm gonna run you over like I run over boxfulls of adorable newborn Collie pups, boyo.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So, does this process include you sending me a file? Just thought I'd ask

[Mark IV]

The scenario was "Bruyere", I was Axis. There may be spoilers ahead. It is a good little fracas.

TCP/IP with 10-minute timer. Try it, it's a whole new game.

It should have been worse, but:

a) I was sober (the condition has since cleared up).

Hiram decided that my having to attack across 300m of open ground was a real boon to the offence, and thus counter-attacked a German rifle company with a platoon... across 300m of open ground,

c) in the course of which he nuked his own troops back into New Jersey. Thank god for Germanboy's genius tutelary, or I could have been looking at a minor.

He also said "****fire" over the public airways. Spunky lad, what?

While you drunken sloths were lollygagging on the sofa eating chocolate Santas, watching the over-caffeinated bitch-slap one another over Movements to Contact, and letting the One True Thread sink into oblivion, a few Real Men were fighting for their lives in semi-real time. No point in shaming this lot, but you get the drift.

It wuz xclnt dewdz, as we say in semi-real time. Or somefink.

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jdmorse:

Mace you useless ozzie poohbah..<large snip>

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thanks for the reminder, but I feel the summons you issued and had delivered was a bit excessive!

So, see you in court then?

Mace

[This message has been edited by Mace (edited 12-28-2000).]

[Hiram Sedai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Pillar:

Bzzz Bzzz Bzzzz<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Somebody fetch a fly-swatter. These buzzy things are attracted to the floating things in the pool.

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Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Pillar:

Please play a game with me because I am so good, and so smart, and I am a pretty, pretty girl.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Got to grow a pair of nads before you get a game sonny.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Pillar:

you'll never be anything more than the low-life cesspool dwellers that you are.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Complements will get you nowhere.

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[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Pillar:

I don't have a life, and I haven't got a pair, so would you guys be kind and play a game with me?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ok, everyone sing along (you should know the words by now)...

PISS OFF!

[Croda]

Pillar -

My posts have been few and far between lately, but I feel that your foray into the 'Pool (no doubt just a split-squad scout ahead of your main advance) requires a retort from myself, the reigning King of mindless, blind nastiness (at least until Meeks returns).

Let me begin be saying that you are as worthless as a mason jar full of formaldehyde holding the embryo of a cod in stasis for seeding life on the sun. I would also like to add that your flavor of split-squad recon is gamey because ScoutPL said so, and nanny-nanny boo-boo to you

On a further note, let it be known that a man's quality in PBEMing in here is of as much worth as a frog's head stuck to a dog's ass. A true CessPooligan will eat your trachea for breakfast with a nice Hollandaise sauce. He will then remove your pituitary and feed it to your grandmother, telling her it's a new fruit from Haiti. When grandma's filled up on your endocrine system, we yank out your entrails, dry and powder them, and put it in your dad's case of pipe-weed, so he can smoke your guts for years to come. Your epididymus, Bauhaus (He's partial to the epididymus) mushes into a nice paste. Hiram then acts as a door-to-door cosmetics salesman and sells the paste to your mom to use as tooth whitener. So then when you Grandma's eating your glands, your Dad's smoking your anus, and your Mom's brushing her teeth with your balls, the true CessPooligan sits back and chortles a bit knowing that it doesn't matter if he won or lost the PBEM.

Now, that said, are you really sure that this is where you want to come for a game? Granted, there are some very high quality players in here (myself excluded, naturally), but I don't see you as being up to the verbal abuse. Each one of these gents will berate you with their paranoid egomania and ensure that no win is worth the price. If you feel that you can take the importance off the game and place it on your opponent, then you may have a Chupacabra's chance in a brothel or perhaps a Meeks' chance in the Antarctic of succeeding in the 'Pool. Else, you're a misbegotten grog son of a misbegotten grog who best begettin himself back to the normal world.

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WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! -

THIS SIG FILE BELONGS TO A COMPLETE FOO.

MR T WOULDN'T BE SO KIND AS TO WRINKLE AN EYEBROW AT THIS UNFORTUNATE BEING. PLEASE OFFER HIS PARENTS AND COHABITANTS ALL SYMPATHY POSSIBLE. MAY BE CONTAGIOUS. CONTAINS ARTIFICIAL SWEETNER, INTELLIGENCE AND WIT. STAND WELL CLEAR AND LIGHT WICK. BY ORDER PETERNZ

Damn Croda. That is one funny sig!!!

must suck to be you - Hiram Sedai

[Hiram Sedai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

The scenario was "Bruyere", I was Axis. There may be spoilers ahead. It is a good little fracas.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I liked it too. Good times.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>TCP/IP with 10-minute timer. Try it, it's a whole new game.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> For him, it was a whole new game. I feel like the TCPIP hymen buster for the cesspool. hehe

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>It should have been worse, but:

a) I was sober (the condition has since cleared up).<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I was mostly lit but ran out of beer by turn 13. I got a draw and hardlry remember how I did it. Hmmm...

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Hiram decided that my having to attack across 300m of open ground was a real boon to the offence, and thus counter-attacked a German rifle company with a platoon... across 300m of open ground,

c) in the course of which he nuked his own troops back into New Jersey<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It was that FO I tell ya. He should have been shot!! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Thank god for Germanboy's genius tutelary, or I could have been looking at a minor.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I thank God for Germanboy's genius, Croda's sense of decency, Seanachai's veracity, Berli's sense of modicum, and MRPeng's pedantic rants each and every night before going to bed.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>He also said "****fire" over the public airways. Spunky lad, what?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Too many years of living down south. What can I say?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>While you drunken sloths were lollygagging on the sofa eating chocolate Santas, watching the over-caffeinated bitch-slap one another over Movements to Contact, and letting the One True Thread sink into oblivion, a few Real Men were fighting for their lives in semi-real time. No point in shaming this lot, but you get the drift.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You came dangerously close to complimenting me there. You should edit more.

It wuz xclnt dewdz, as we say in semi-real time. Or somefink.

[David Aitken]

Mark IV wrote:

> While you drunken sloths were lollygagging on the sofa eating chocolate Santas, watching the over-caffeinated bitch-slap one another over Movements to Contact

Now look here, I have clearly stated that I am so far over the edge that even prozac holds no attraction for me. I don't need caffeine to get into an argument with messrs. Clinton and Heidman, I do it because I'm not right in the head. I hope that clears things up.

David

PS. As Andreas seems to think the FAQ Peng thread was partly my idea, I intend to charge royalties. Or an admittance fee.

[Hakko Ichiu]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by the infidel Great Satan Chupacabra, may his name be cursed and his entrails rot in the sun while swine nibble the remnants of his naughty bits:

Machu Piccu. The remainder of your armored force rests in the shining bosom of Allah. Whereas my Stuart gunner will spend eternity receiving mind-blowing oral sex from the ghost of Betty Grable.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Please resend that file, as it was lost in the great Purgation of my e-mail system. I am in the process of expediting the passage of your heretic forces to the Seven Hells.

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Ethan

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"We forbid any course that says we restrict free speech." -- Dr. Kathleen Dixon, Director of Women's Studies, Bowling Green State University

[This message has been edited by Hakko Ichiu (edited 12-28-2000).]

[jshandorf]

Hello all...

I hope this New Year finds you an emotional wreck and penniless. Now with that said...

GAME UPDATES!!!

Cuuud-da: Our little battle is more messy than his kid's diapers I would have to say. While it can go on I would rather see it put down mercifully and painlessly, but we all know that Croda loves his bit of pain the bleedin' masochist.

Our big battle plods along aimlessly. Croda advances like a little girl who reaches for the cookie jar in hopes that her hand wouldn't be crushed by the weight of my sweeping fist. Meanwhile our tanks play cat and mouse which has been fun but I grow weary and find that I shall soon put an end to this.

Dalem: Truly if any could convince me to give up on CM it would be this sodden little puke. We are practically half-way done with the turns and this little bugger has finally managed to get a single platoon forward where it might, just might mind you, engage in a little combat. Oh my! We wouldn't want to get their little uniforms dirty with blood! Oh no! For christs sake man! Get a MOVE ON! You move with the deliberate action of a newborn grasping for a mobile.

Hairy Butt: Are you stalling for a cease fire? Just send me a few freakin' turns and I'll have this battle over! Arrrrgh! You remind of Seanachai but at least you don't whine about the failing of the computer to AI surrender for you.

Moriarty: Man are you hosed. You are more hosed then a hose could be. In fact, Ron Jeremy couldn't get more screwed than you are right now.

Marlow: You suck!

Hiram: Learn anything yet? Want me to share with you what I have learned? I have learned that kicking your butt is REALLY fun! In fact, it is more fun the kicking Croda's butt, since Croda actually puts up a fight, where you just roll over and die. Now... roll over and die, Hiram. Good dog.

Gerber boy: Still waiting for the fateful day of Jan 3rd.

I think that's it...

Kiss my smiley ass,

Jeff

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I once killed a six pack just to watch it die.

[This message has been edited by jshandorf (edited 12-28-2000).]

[Hiram Sedai]

Thanks Shandorf. Your post made me chuckle. I'm glad to see you today. Is the rash clearing up yet?

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Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

[jshandorf]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Thanks Shandorf. Your post made me chuckle. I'm glad to see you today. Is the rash clearing up yet?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You mean my case of Hiram-PainInTheAss-Sedi? The doctor told me to try and not scratch it so much. He said than it might go away.

Cause, dontchaknow, nothin' is worse than a rash that won't go away.

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I once killed a six pack just to watch it die.

[Marlow]

What a useless pile of yak droppings you people are. I don't think I've ever seen the 'pool so consistently low in the forum. It almost makes me want to go annoy people on the main board. Not that any of you toesuckers care, but I'll post updates to bump it up.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JDmorse:

But then I am an average player and will need this win to offset my impending drubbing by Satan's spawn Marltoad but that's yet to come and so I can proudly echo Bastogne's heroic stand on this anniversary and say "Nuts"

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

While it is true that I am crushing JDisn'tdirect105firefun under my non-jackbooted GI heel, the artificial time restrictions imposed by CM may very well reduce my glorious victory to a minor win. I've only a few of turns left to evict Morse's stubborn beerswillers from a couple of minor VLs, and his troops refuse to die as quickly as necessary.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

"The forces under the command of OberMeister dalem have suffered a setback, but it was most assuredly not due to the confused actions of the necrophilic, opium-addicted, "Mama's House"-watching Yankee commander, MarLowBrow."

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This one is truly becoming a thing of beauty. A 3000 point armor slugfest with lots of spontaneously combusting kraut armor, and the American Heavies have yet to make and appearance. I Hope you have warm long-johns BurgerMeister MeisterBurger dalem, because the Reich will have a nice command for you on the Ostfront after this one.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jshandorf:

"Marlow: You suck!"

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I feel the love in the pool tonight. Shandorf, your defense is beginning to look like Custer's at Little Bighorn.

Not much left in Nijis' scurrying little rat-men. A bunch of routed half-squads and one lone Stuart buzzing around like a little fly on the right flank looks to be about it.

Hey, someone sponsor dalem and Nijis, quick, so that when I squash their heads like moldy grapes, I can have the victory inscribed in the Holy Book of the Peng. Hiram, now that Audruy is gone, don't you need someone to keep you warm on the long cold winter nights?

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[This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 12-28-2000).]

[jshandorf]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Marlow:

[snip]...now that Audruy is gone, don't you need someone to keep you warm on the long cold winter nights?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Volunteering for the job eh, Marlow? You are braver than I.

Jeff

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I once killed a six pack just to watch it die.

[Hiram Sedai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Marlow:

Hiram, now that Audruy is gone, don't you need someone to keep you warm on the long cold winter nights?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Marlow, please understand this. I think gay people are fun as long as they stay down there. Your offer to move in with me makes me feel odd because I'm somewhat homophobic. No offense intended. Please don't be hurt by this and please don't bring the parade to NJ.

I have a girlfriend and we are doing fine, thanks.

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Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

I'm somewhat homophobic. No offense intended.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hiram, you squireless bastard K-nagget, Haven't I heard somewhere that people who are homophobic are overcompensating to hide their true inner feelings?

You can come out of the closet. You won't be ostracized, hated, or loathed any more than you already are. In fact, it would be far less revolting than your predilection for large green carrion birds.

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[OGSF]

Let at be known, that Hiram is a gamey rat pirate bastard who kills hidden armour with invisible tanks.

There, Ah've said it an' Ah feel better fer it.

Oh, an' Marlow, dinnae give up...Ah think he just needs a wee bit o' encouragement.

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCD

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OGSF:

Oh, an' Marlow, dinnae give up...Ah think he just needs a wee bit o' encouragement.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Comforting words from a man in a skirt ... er kilt (same thing aren't they?)

[Joe Shaw]

ooOOOOgah, ooOOOOgah, ooOOOOgah Attention, attention all 'poolers {SSQQUEEEEAAAAALLLLLLLL!} opps, sorry 'bout the feedback there. I have taken the liberty of installing this public address system for important announcements ... i.e. announcements from ME! I ... uh ... borrowed the horn from an old Gato class sub, they'll never miss it, I mean how often do they have to dive NOW? Where was I? Oh yeah, I have the following report:

Eathanwhosenamesoundslikeasneeze hasn't bothered to reply to two emails asking the status of our game ... I can only assume that he has seen the writing on the wall (you know the writing I mean, over by Hiram, that starts with "There once was a 'pooler, Andreas ... who was damp clear up to his ...") and decided that ignoring me and coming up with some cock and bull (Sit DOWN Blousehouse) story about email problems was the better part of valor. I therefore claim a full and complete victory!

Maced is, unfathomably, doing rather well in our game ... I attribute that to his excessive consumption (even by HIS standards) of Holiday Cheer (though why anyone would choose to drink Cheer is beyond me ... I can see Rinse Away of course but Cheer is nasty with all those little green crystals). Nonetheless, I predict that the forces of good (ME) will prevail ... and if they don't I'll find some excuse for losing as I always do.

Lorak you ARE well and truly LOATHED ... of course I speak only for myself ... and everyone else that I know, but I want to double check that you got the tie between Andreas and myself on the books ... I could check the page of course, but I'm too lazy to check and after all, what else could you possibly have to do?

As to the rest of you, I was terribly disappointed at your lack of ability in the life saving drill yesterday. Poor Senility nearly drowned and it was all Berli's fault. ONE MORE TIME ... it's "Throw Him a Rope!" Berli, tossing Hiram at him did NO good at all, remember ... "ROPE ... not Dope." Of course he wasn't the only one to misunderstand, Peng, if you have enough dope to toss around like that perhaps you have enough to share with the rest of the group?

Joe

[jdmorse]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Marlow:

What a useless pile of yak droppings I am<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

True so true.and except for a few of our interlopers I do not think anyone else is so loathed and despised. I truly despise you and your game playing. I completely hate the way multiple arty barrages of 81mm and 75mm fail, fail mind you to take out that STUPID Priest. Ke-rist. Boom -bang all around and I don't think you got so much as a splinter of shell it's way. Some games go that way. *sigh*

Of course I note how you fail to relate how your M4 Sherman and my skdz 250/8 (?) went head to head, front aspect to front aspect, mano a mano, trading shots. Hell you even managed to hit me. Not even a casuality. And of course I manged to tag you one as well. But seems you failed to answer the bell you gamey bastard. A half track takes out the Sherman straight on Ha, double Ha.Ha Ha Ha take that you scum, vile dweller from the mucous choked bowels of hell. Oh I truly despise you and your ways. The fact that I may in the last two turns deny you anything makes me quiver with antici................................pation.

Oh if there are gods of valhalla, give me the power to strile the infidel, to rise up, from the depths of despair and rend his soul in the agony of a DRAW!

Pah, may you find Anubis licking your face one morning and Hiram bringing you your paper and most of all may your woman find Croda more of a ..............man.

Go now you vile wretch. Send your men forth, strike me down but I shall become more powerful that even you can imagine.

"sincerely"

JD

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If frogs had uzi's, snakes woudn't mess with them so much. - Hiram

[edited because Joe is in the know]

[This message has been edited by jdmorse (edited 12-28-2000).]

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Send your men forth, strile me down but I shall become more powerful that even you can imagine.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well I should hope so, I know I feel much better for a STRILE or two ... I have a hard time buying them though, seems I never have enough points for a strile and everything else I want to buy.

Joe

[OGSF]

Did Ah mention that Hiram was a gamey pirate bastard? Ah think Ah did. An' sae asSpeedy. Noo ainly does he virtually wipe oot mah entire armour forrrce with just a bazooka an' a Greyhoond in tha stankin' rain swept night, boot the gamey bastard holds a stankin' Sherman in rrreserrrve tae cam doon an' sweep oop. Bastarrrd. There's nae tactics an this wun....at's just lak clubbin' baby furr seals, an' it Speedy? Did Ah mention tha' Speedy were a gamey bastarrrd lak tha' gamey bastarrrd Hiram?

Bastarrrds.

Still, there's allas Nijis, Blasted Bubbles, StukaPukaNukaPants, Meekses, Lorak an' Seanachai tae cheers mae oop wi' their respective impendin' topplements....

As fer tha rest o' ye......ye're a pack o' gamey bastarrrrds an' ye knoo at.

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCD

[Lorak]

Joe Slaw , you weeping sore on the arse of humanity. Of course I recorded your draw against Germanboy. (I think). Considering that I wouldn't even spare the time to spit on you if your head was on fire. You should be grateful that one as great as I even notices you at all. Now go away, your drooling on my boots.

Now for my games in progress:

Berli... The gamey bastard bought tigers and 210mm artillery. Enough said.

OGSF... Is showing me that they did indeed give idiots guns in Germany. "actung! there is two of us, and only a platoon of amis ! Lets charge them !" In a game I should have lost long ago, the tide has turned in my favor. Maybe not enough soon enough. But right now if his troops were shooting themselves, I couldn't do any better.

Moriarty... In a game he bosted I could not lose. I have once again proved him wrong. There is only one turn to go and I have planned my own topplement so well.... that even Moriarty can't screw it up.

Germanboy...recieved the "sound of music" for christmas and was later arrested for singing show tunes on street corners. Should be released sometime next week.

As for the rest of you sodding gits. You may continue to bask in the light and wonder that is I Lorak.

Lorak the loathed