Quid Nomen Tuum Peng? (The Challenge)

[Stuka]

OGSF and Gamiejeff, I sent out the first of my CMBB games to both you schmucks over 48 hrs ago.

Included with those were the final remnants of your respective CMBO ass-whupp'ins.

To-date my in tray is emptier than Malakovskis jock strap.

It is now 2.45pm on a beautiful hot 30c day with nary a cloud in the sky, the good lady Stuka has purchased a yummy carton of beer and has somehow dragged/kicked/enticed it into my beer fridge.

I will be home from work in 3 hrs and I intend getting fairly and squarely on the piss and dealing out some pixellated pain.

Send a feckk'in turn ladies!

[OGSF]

Originally posted by Stuka:

OGSF Send a feckk'in turn

Kiss mah spotty arrse, mon.

[Stuka]

Originally posted by OGSF:

PanzerLeader, your'e up!

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Malakovski:

What, so he lost the first set. He can't put forth a little effort and pop out some new ones?

He didn't lose, as in "wonder where they got to", the first set. I would imagine that he could put forth the effort to pop out some new ones, but the point you seem to miss is...

NO YARBLES FOR PANZERLEADER, EVER!

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by OGSF:

<font size=-1>An ye knoo wah they say....ainly sassanachs wi' small winkies claim winnin' didnae matter.</font>

You'll be wanting a chance to improve on your pathetic 11 points against House Persiflage then, eh? Ye lousy sassenach.

[Stuka]

I wouldn't take that if I were you OGSF.

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Stuka:

<font size=-1>I wouldn't take that if I were you OGSF.</font>

If you were OGSF (...cue disturbing photomontage from Persephone...) a certain wee spaniel and Mrs Stuka would both be suing for divorce.

Besides, don't you have a Carton of Happiness to look forward too? And who the hell came up with the bright idea of putting BEER in CARTONS, anyway? Beer should be in BOTTLES. Unless it's a stealth container that pretends to be a milk carton - but that would be a level of weasel-like cunning far beyond the reach of Australians.

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Stuka:

OGSF and Gamiejeff, I sent out the first of my CMBB games to both you schmucks over 48 hrs ago.

Included with those were the final remnants of your respective CMBO ass-whupp'ins.

To-date my in tray is emptier than Malakovskis jock strap.

It is now 2.45pm on a beautiful hot 30c day with nary a cloud in the sky, the good lady Stuka has purchased a yummy carton of beer and has somehow dragged/kicked/enticed it into my beer fridge.

I will be home from work in 3 hrs and I intend getting fairly and squarely on the piss and dealing out some pixellated pain.

Send a feckk'in turn ladies!

<BIG>INCOMING!!!</BIG>

*WHUM-P-P!!*

AJ

[Stuka]

Mein Gott! Pondscum you are not the sharpest screwdriver in the toolbox are you?

A carton of beer contains 24 bottles.

While you 'murkins consume one bottle of bud lite and promptly pass out, we Aussies require slightly more alcohol in order to convince our oversized, superintelligent brains that they are indeed drunk. Combine this with our sunbronzed, uber fit and athletic livers and you see why we are such world champion beer drinkers.

Except for Gamiejeff, to whom a white wine spritzer means a three day hangover and a stomach pump, but he is from West Australia you know.

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Stuka:

<font size=-1>Mein Gott! Pondscum you are not the sharpest screwdriver in the toolbox are you? A carton of beer contains 24 bottles.</font>

That's a CASE of beer, you degenerate Vegemite-lover. Hand me one while you're at it.

And I'll let that whole "merkun" insult just slide on by to slap Seanachai in the kisser, baffled as he is by his current quest to Crush All Englishmen

[Mace]

Originally posted by PondScum:

That's a CASE of beer.

CARTON!

Mace

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Stuka-In-A-Tailspin:

Except for Gamiejeff, to whom a white wine spritzer means a three day hangover and a stomach pump, but he is from West Australia you know.

Himmel!! You are such a ... a ..... CAD!!

Oh, and I think Poolfroth wants somebody who actually knows anything about Aussie beer to belt him thrice over the scone with a bloody SLAB... go figure THAT Pondy.

AJ

[Lars]

I owe EVERYBODY turns!

And it feels GREAT!

Mwuhahahahaha...

SSN Hint Of The Day: Park in the handicapped spot.

Now sod off.

[Berlichtingen]

Seanachai!

Pillock!

You owe two ladies an e-mail right about bloody now.

Git

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Mace:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by PondScum:

That's a CASE of beer.

CARTON!

Mace</font>

[MrSpkr]

Being stuck at home with some form of dysentry is almost as enjoyable as tolerating you lot.

So, to pass the time between bathroom breaks, here are some ultra-smooth GAMEY UPDATES:

dalem is losing badly. In fact, given his CMBO and CMBB performances, combined with the fact he lives near the Bard and has to visit Mittengan on a regular basis, I don't see why he doesn't just give it all up and die.

Wildman has just lost a Soviet gun to my hord of Tigers and Panthers and Germans, oh my! at the end of the last turn, he popped a lone tank up in front of the 48th Panzer Korps. Next turn will be fun.

Wildman is also losing a CMBO match against Pieper's Kampfgruppe. He has learned that artillery alone cannot stop a Panther. Poor lad -- if he's nice, I'll allow him a cigarette and a bite to eat before lining him up in a meadow near Malmedy.

Boo is trying to act as though defeating a human player in a scenario specifically designed to be played against the AI is an admirable thing. Pillock. He'll win, but he'll die-a-lot first.

Grog Dorosh just took my advancing scouts under MG fire. We are battling over a sleepy village in the middle of a pine forest. He'll lose, as is his wont, but it might be exciting for a couple of turns.

Lars is a pillock. Oh yeah, I think he is losing, but I really am too unimpressed by his performance to pay much attention to him.

Leeo is demonstrating the dangers of advancing across 400m of flat, open, paved ground surrounded by Soviet squads and machine guns. Ouch.

Hakko Ichiu is losing. We are only on the second or third turn, but he has a talent for losing that quickly, don'tcha know.

Roxy is still stuck in France. I'll bury her there. So far, her strategy appears to involve shelling the heck out of empty tracts of woods, then running forward into my kill zones.

Seanachai is telling me disturbing stories about drugs, border crossings and disrobing. I still wake up at nights screaming.

Joe Shaw is slowly plodding through the bocage. I think I will bury him right next to Roxy -- it would serve both of them right.

Everyone owes me turns. Wake up and get with it.

Steve

[Nidan1]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Being stuck at home with some form of dysentry is almost as enjoyable as tolerating you lot.

Are you home with Boo_Radley, you mentioned something about "dysentery"?

[Panzer Leader]

Wow, could the last three days GET in more boring in here? Luckily, for your edification, I have found a story I first penned, here in the cess, some couple of years ago. I call it Panzer Leader of Old Mars" Enjoy.

Oh, and for the few left who have already read it - refresh your memory, good stuff!

Panzer Leader of Old Mars (Part the First)

The man stands alone, naked but for a cloth of lion's skin covering his loins. His skin is bronzed by the red sun, the sun which even at its zenith in the violet sky will burn through the thin air to blister the flesh and scorch the earth.

In his hand, raised in mockery to the heavens is a gleaming spear, wrought in the ancient way. Silvery cuneiform runes wind their way up the oaken staff to the bronze head. The head drips in blood, red as the sun.

He stands, defiant, upon an altar of stone as the throngs crowd beneath his feet. Some of them weild spears too, others weild the brutal bone clubs so popular in these times of dacay. All the people look upon him with fear and loathing. He is the stranger.

With a glance back to the baked earth and its baked denizens, he arches his back and with a mighty thrust, his spear flashes upwards, as if to pinion the sun itself. His eyes, black, scan his audience. As his gaze passes over man and beast, each of them feels singularly and momentarily inadequate to the task set before them.

This is no man, but a champion. Who are we to seek his payment in blood? Was it not for us he came? Was it not our homes he defended against the corruption of the outer lands? Questions and confusion flash across each face in turn, but with a reassuring glance to the man-beast standing nearest, the feral look of hunger returns.

The spear is lowered. With a last flash of brilliance, the bronze head falls into the smoky dark of its owner's shadow. At last, as the throng begins to surge he speaks.

At once, like the waves breaking on the mythic southern sea, the crowd recedes, each face straining against the almost painfully visible rays of the red sun, as it stares upwards at the figure, the champion. Cheeks, sunken with hunger, stricken with childhood disease, burned by a relentless sun, scoured by countless sand storms, strain upwards.

"I come to you in war. Your people were left, abandoned in the great debacle of history to fend for yourselves. See now what you have become that you may take back the glory you lost so long ago!" the spear, now held lazily in hand, point scratching in the stone that has been scratched by aeons of warriors just like him as they begged for their lives.

But this warrior was different. He was a champion. Some might call him the Eternal Champion but to himself, he was known simply as Panzer Leader. The woman he loved, who bore his spawn in her proudly rounded belly, lay curled in the sand nearby, weeping for the loss of her one true love.

A figure musters the strength to step forward. It is an aged man, stooped by the heavy hand of the crimson sky, eyes wrinkled and strained by the years of peering through the indigo sky. He hobbles on a cane, a bone cane, but it too is wrought with runes of ancient glory, wrought by the man's own hand in an attempt to understand.

He raises his cane to the champion and with a backwards glance to the throng, speaks in his laborious, grating voice. It is of gravel and sand that he speaks. Of mountains brought down by the might of the sky, of rivers run dry, their life blood sucked out as they fled screaming ot the south. He spoke of ancient days, of glory and might, of despair and death.

At first, the bronzed man listened but soon his patience began to flag. "If I am to flayed, then do so now, Seanachai. You were good to me once, when we were both young, but look how times have changed. A war has come, battles have been fought. Your sons bones lie etched in the sand dunes of the Blighted lands, but still, after all this, you seek your sustenence in the crumbling words of ancestors long since passed."

With sadnees, the sage, the fakir, the shaman, the Historian recedes into the background. Blackened hands, bone-thin shoulders push him back into the fleshy depths of the throng. Another, younger but no less stooped figure steps forward. he wields one of the crude bone clubs...

[MrSpkr]

Malikovsky-

Now do you understand?

Steve

[Lars]

Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

Wow, could the last three days GET in more boring in here?

Well, it has now...

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Boo is trying to act as though defeating a human player in a scenario specifically designed to be played against the AI is an admirable thing. Pillock. He'll win, but he'll die-a-lot first.

Steve

Read this to mean that playing the AI is more challenging than playing MsSpkr. But, you already knew that didn't you?

Originally posted by some lame git named Needs one, or somefink:

Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Being stuck at home with some form of dysentry is almost as enjoyable as tolerating you lot.

Are you home with Boo_Radley, you mentioned something about "dysentery"?

Shut up and send me a move, you pillock. I grow weary of your natterings.

[Nidan1]

Boo_Drudgery : I sent you one last night you ox, did you not get it.? Check your feckin' in-box, otherwise you will have to wait until later, when I get home and check my out-box.

[CMplayer]

Hey Panzer Leader! I was thinking about you today, and our upcoming challenge, so just to put you in the proper mood have a look at this coo' site:

Läpikäillaani Sissiääo Mäntikiehi

[Panzer Leader]

That was the meanest thing you've ever done to me - don't you know I'm at WORK?!?!? Sheesh, thank GOD for Pop-up-stopper.

[Joe Shaw]

Aspen ... bloody Aspen and did I get to see the sights? I DID NOT! Did I get to squeeze in a round of golf? I DID NOT! Did I even get more than one bloody night out of my bloody hotel room? I DID NOT! NO ... I HAD TO WORK and it sucked let me tell you. I didn't even get a chance to read the pathetic yammerings of you lot!

However, it is now over and I'm back home ... however, I will NOT be home most of next week so my next iteration of turns may have to last for a bit, we'll see.

I see with extreme disgust that, even though we not only changed the THREAD title but even the bloody GAME TITLE, jd and Lorak still managed to find us again ... oh well!

jd ... anytime my little legal beagle, anytime. I still owe you for Custer's Hill you know.

I note the elevation to knighthood for Noba ... one can hardly be expected to APPROVE of it of course but what can you do.

I also note that Berli has taken a Squire ... this is clearly a BAD thing.

Mace ... I presume from your drunken ramblings that you acknowledge that your Squire (whoever the hell it is, another Autstralian no doubt) has completed his Squires Challenge and should be admitted to the ranks of the Knights of the CessPool. Whatever ... let us know who it is again (let's face it, you just CAN'T keep track anymore without Lorak's website) and we'll welcome him with as much enthusiasm as we can master ... which likely won't be much seeing as how he's likely another bloody Australian.

Turns out this weekend ... I hope.

Finally I would remind all here that I originally started showing the name AUSTRALIA in italics to set it apart from REAL nations. I changed that policy after 9/11 in gratitude for the solidarity shown by the Australians. I now will show Australia in bold ... lest we forget.

Joe