PENG CHALLENGES a Thread ...

[Berlichtingen]

As you may know, I have just started a Meeksian horror against FriendlyFire. I inquired as to why he was taking the plunge into the pool. His reply... <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Well, I'd gotten tired of whipping the AI, so I decided it was time to get

some PBEM lessons in the fine art of dying.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Nothing like making Hell your baptism in fire

[BFCElvis]

This morning I had the sad duty of sending a surrender file to David Ohmyaikinhead. His gamey use of sound tactics and superior strategy will not be forgotten soon. I have no idea of the final score because he hasn't sent it back yet....but I know it won't be pretty.

[David Aitken]

'Tis true, my jaunt in the snow with Mr. Elvish has finally ended in a 75-25 victory for moi. He was doing okay at the start, chucking lots of big shells around and killing one of my Cromwell's commanders, which led to the death of the tank after my other one bought it too. But my trusty Daimler AC saved the day, whacking his Mark IV and Hetzer, and... oh, it actually took out TWO Hetzers. Damn I love Daimlers. His remaining AFV, a Wespe, was taken out by 3in mortars without me even knowing it, and his infantry spent most of its time running around in the snow, getting tired out and being shelled and shot at.

Lorak, please take note:

Elvis: No more sausages for the remainder of the war.

Aitken: Introducing Elvis's troops to the delights of tea and scones.

[FriendlyFire]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Nothing like making Hell your baptism in fire<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Berli neglects to mention that his company HQ is going to be the first entrant into Hell from our little snowball-fight. But presumably my unstoppable advance is merely a cunning part of his evil uber-plan.

[DekeFentle]

Lorak Scribe a victory for Agua Perdid and a loss for me. The water boy is gamey as hell but I should of seen it coming based on who his Kinniget is. I shall return, maybe I'll die again but I refuse to go away. I do this soley for spite.

When the Whuppin' boy speaks, gather round and hearken well. Pain is humanities most eloquent mentor.

[Ellros]

Well David Aitken is giving me a Cesspool inaugural whipping, even though there is a 'theoretical' possibility I can make a comeback (yea, right, whatever).

On the plus side, I'm holding the upper hand over hamster-kin Harpooner.

If other Cesspool regulars care to add to my inaugural whipping party, send me a setup.

[BFCElvis]

Eat me Ellros...your name is too close to mine to interest me in any way.

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Cromag:

my hometown of Worcester, Massachusetts<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ooohhhhh, so you're from WORCESTER (that's pronounced "WUSTah" for the rest of you lot).

That explains so much that no longer hate you, I merely pity you.

[Speedbump]

Day three in the pool:

Mr. Shaw continues to use the repugnant tactics of bombing my armored advance! He appears not to have the confidence to face me in a stand up battle. He relies on the efforts of flyboys...flyboys for crying out loud. Its enough to make small children cry.

Iskander continues to avoid my bold advances. He clearly is using the gamey strategy of defending his victory locations, instead of advancing in the open, shoulder-to-shoulder like his Prussian forebearers.

Now each and every one of you kindly dunk your heads into a compost heap!

Speedbump

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Mr. Shaw continues to use the repugnant tactics of bombing my armored advance!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmmm, so the title of a scenario called Jabo! didn't give you a clue huh? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>He appears not to have the confidence to face me in a stand up battle. He relies on the efforts of flyboys...flyboys for crying out loud.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now that's a damned, bald faced lie (I apologize if you're actually bald, no offense intended) I have guys on the ground ... where do you think those 155mm barrages are coming from? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Its enough to make small children cry.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yes ... {sniff} ... it's really quite lovely in it's way, I'm sorry, I always get emotional at weedings.

Joe

[ 04-14-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by DekeFentle:

The water boy is gamey as hell but I should of seen it coming based on who his Kinniget is.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Indeed, my most learned sponsor Joe Shaw's tutelage has been no hindrance to my reign of terror over the lesser denizens of the 'Pool. I plead most guilty to the gamey practice of carefully-planned, precisely-coordinated, brilliantly-executed, excessively-hyphenated good tactics. Not that tactics matter for squat in this pit, of course. DekeFentle died like the mangy cur he is, and he's already asked for another helping of hurt before his fur has a chance to grow out. And he shall have it, for mangy though he is, I have yet to tire of kicking him--especially now that he's down.

Lorak, please record:

Agua Perdido: Glorious victory for the forces of might, right, eloquence, unparalleled skill at parallel parking (heh) and the implied threat of Mormon Wives.

DekeFentle: Ignominious defeat. 'Nuff said.

Agua Perdido

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Indeed, my most learned sponsor Joe Shaw's tutelage has been no hindrance to my reign of terror over the lesser denizens of the 'Pool.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Haha, well done Agua lad, well done indeed. You made a small error in your post above, just a niggling little thing that I thought I'd bring to your attention. When you stated that my "tutelage has been no hindrance", your use of the double negative NO and HINDRANCE, while Technically creating a positive, could be interpreted by some of the lesser minds around here (hehe, I don't think WE need to name names do you ... hehehe) incorrectly to imply that my tutelage was in fact NOT valuable. We must be careful of language, my lad, it is our best friend.

Joe

[Phillies Phan]

Game Updates!!

Elvis He's either winning or going to win. I'm just wondering what to do with all of my burning tanks.

I didn't forget anyone because I'm only playing one person. Simple, huh?

[David Aitken]

PBEM Report

Elvis enjoyed me whacking him and wants more. We are playing a Rune scenario, but I'm not going to attempt to set up my forces tonight.

Meeks apparently squandered most of his points on artillery, which in turn he squandered on not very much in particular. After having his fleet of scout cars reduced to scrap, and the remnants of one of his platoons annihilated by a few Sicherung troops, the Company CO and his pet llama, Whipple, Meeks was shocked to learn that I have two fresh platoons waiting to kick his fresh faced young farm boys all the way back to Iowa.

A few of my men, lacking miscellaneous limbs, are proceeding to assault similarly afflicted troops of Leeo's, hurling tufts of grass, prodding with pointed sticks and calling names. It may take a while to deduce the outcome, as we can't see very much.

And now on to tonight's big news.

I have just effected the most beautiful assault you have never seen against the forces of Ellros. Early in our dawn meeting engagement I introduced him to my rickets. I have no idea what they achieved, although I saw a spot-on airburst (150mm) right on top of one of his squads (which nevertheless didn't seem to suffer too much).

Presently, a Greyhound of his popped its nose up over the hill on my right flank to have a sniff. Greyhound, meet 37mm flak trucks. Whack.

I held the VL on my right flank. The other is on my left, out of my reach, so I needed to pivot on my central platoon, sweeping round on the right to hit Ellros's left flank and push towards the VL. I rushed one of my platoons out of cover and across a road parallel to my front line, to a patch of trees and a couple of buildings on top of the hill, next to the Greyhound.

What was on the other side of the buildings? A Sherman. Sherman, meet Panzerfaust. Whack.

Next, this is truly beautiful. A bit piqued by my trashing of a building occupied by one of his squads (courtesy of a StuG with my central platoon), Ellros dropped smoke across the front line. Where exactly? Nowhere near my troops – right in front of his. Suddenly I saw my chance.

Next turn, central platoon dashes through the smoke and into the enemy opposite. Right flank platoon legs it down hill to outflank troops being assaulted. Support platoon rushes into buildings overlooking both. StuG advances in support. Flak trucks scoot up hill on right.

From a Company assault, I took a grand total of about 15 casualties. One of his platoons is doomed, and I doubt his remaining troops can possibly kick me out of my positions now. And best of all, I think once the smoke clears (any second now), my StuG will have perfect LOS to another Sherman I just spotted.

Ellros reckoned he was screwed even before this. A topplement of the highest order, and a fitting welcome to the Peng Thread for the newbie sheep loving git that he is.

[Ellros]

Embarrassing as it is to admit it... Truth was spoken. My butt is being handed to me in bits and pieces.

The Greyhound never saw what killed it.

The Sherman never saw the infantry...

The Stug (if that's truly what it is <g>) was never positively seen except as a generic tank sound contact.

In short... I'm doomed.

[Goanna]

In just one more sleep and a minor 36 hour plane trip I will be back in the saddle in the land-o-sand and ready to re-commence delivering cesspudlian whoopass to any and all who have been waiting impatiently.

I might even have time for some prank phone calls in Chicago on the way.

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Sometimes ... I find myself recalling with fondness the first few faltering steps of MY loyal and trustworthy squire Agua Perdido when first HE entered the pool and I think of what he might have become without my guidance and encouragement.

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

What he would have become, you toad, is my squire, and then he might have had some sort of hope for a life that didn't involve longing for death to free him from your gassy posts. Still, Shaw, you are, in fact, a Knight of the Cesspool; one of the originals, I might add. And maybe it's just the whiskey and lovely strains of the band Ossian speaking, but Shaw, I desire you to die last. Or at least, right near the end. Unlike the first few pages of the present incarnation, which are filled with posts by people I hope die horribly before the sun rises tomorrow morning.

[ 04-15-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[MrPeng]

OK

Since just about everyone I am currently playing is making me into a meatpie, I couldn't resist when that cute little elf Hiram asked me (certainly we all know "challenge" is too strong a word ever to pass the lips of dear Hiram)to a game of TCP/IP. Being the slut that I am I agreed.

700 points. Meeting Engagement. Village Clear Dry Modest Moderate September 20turns etc etc.

I was the Germans, Hiram wore tan. As far as wepons go we went with fairly standard stuff. {With the exception that I bought one of those Skdfthingies with the 37 mm gun that drives bassackwards into battle. I had head much about the invincibility of such beasts, and while Hiram does not normally frighten me, the horror of losing to him would be too much to bear, so I erred on the side of caution. Lets just say "nuts" to whomever pisses and moans about the UBERSKDFLACKBASTARDTHING. It lasted just long enough not to get a single shot off. It was destroyed by a rifle squad at about 250 meters. Maybe it needs a bit more range than that. Who cares?}

I had a lynx and an H42, he had a couple of HTs and an M10 I had a bit of arty, he had none except for a local mortar or two. we each had about a company of inf with various support.

I lost my lynx to his M10 after it dispatched his HTs

He lost his M10 to my H42 after some mucking around. We both lost a fair bit of infantry to all sorts of things. I held the lone VL from about turn 3 and never even felt threatend there. So there ya have it.

Final score -

Peng: 73

Hiram: 27

Now I know that this is not much of an accomplishment. However during the post game wrap up, Hiram mentioned that on Christmas HE TIED WITH MARKIV! ah ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!!

that is rich, really just smashing. See because MarkyIV is right now crushing me with out remorse or pity, and I just feels really great to think that the mighty MarkIV TIED with Hiram the pushover, easy win, Croda-like loserboy. Just fabulous.

Have I mentioned lately that I am not at all fond of all these emoticons at the bottom left while one composes? did I say that ever? IS THERE ANY FRIGGING WAY TO GET RID OF THE GODDAM SMILIES ALREADY?!

Peng

[ 04-15-2001: Message edited by: MrPeng ]

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Guiness is a kind of beer, right?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You earless low-life scum, Guinness is a kind of breakfast food; not so greasy as eggs, nor as filling as potatos, but rather like a fine, full-bodied, liquid form of toast.

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace:

SIT DOWN BAUHAUS!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Say it now, and say it loud

I'm St.Bauhaus, an' I'm sitting proud!

[Mark IV]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng:

Hiram mentioned that on Christmas HE TIED WITH MARKIV! ah ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!!

that is rich, really just smashing. See because MarkyIV is right now crushing me with out remorse or pity, and I just feels really great to think that the mighty MarkIV TIED with Hiram the pushover, easy win, Croda-like loserboy. Just fabulous.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Here is what I have to say about that, Herr Podmeister:

Heed not these crock-odile tears. You've heard of edge-hugging, right? The self-confessed (is there any other kind?) SLUT, Peng, has hugged the BACK edge of the map, and after what remained of my brave lads were popping the corks and sitting down for a smoke, Old Glory posted proudly everywhere, the entire Nazi whorde emerges from the last 3/4" (750 milli-inches) of the map and does the banzai thing. This after shooting my Shermie 105 with a PUPPCHEN. The bastards were dug in at the very back edge of the map.

O Shame, thy name is Peng. That one would try to cheat honest men, Low on ammo and sorely tried, of the fruits of their rightful victory in such an underhanded, maneuverist fashion, makes a mockery of this holiday, and the red, white, and blue to which the fiscally responsible among us have pledged allegiance.

Fortunately, the incorrectly modeled and ineffectual MGs are taking their toll. So many Podtruppen, so little time. We'll see if he has the yarbles to wheeze his skulking AFV into view, as it will be difficult to report back to Berlin how it lost the battle with a full ammo rack.

And as for Hiram, his challenge is posted up with the proper disparagement of his character and relations. He dares not face me again. He prefers to shirt-tail on the soiled hems of his tacky surrogates, i.e., Peng, Elvis, and the Phillies. He knows what to do. A pistol, a single round, and a pen and paper are his for the asking.

I'd forgotten how good it feels to lash out. Gotta do this more often.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FriendlyFire:

Berli neglects to mention that his company HQ is going to be the first entrant into Hell from our little snowball-fight. But presumably my unstoppable advance is merely a cunning part of his evil uber-plan.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Of course it is... you do realise that there is no way out of that building except that paved street in front, don't you? And, what do you think Lucifer's favorite weapon is?

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Is anyone else troubled by the fact that we are forced to move on after 200 posts, and yet the Further Pointless Michinegun Crap thread continues?

]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes. We are clearly treated differently. But most probably because we SIMPLY WILL NOT GO AWAY. The undeniably stupid machinegun threads come and go. We are here for the rest of the millenium, and as such, cannot be granted any goddamn slack at all. Give the Cesspool an inch, and watch it suck down your pets and family. I like to think that the continuance of the ever-mindless machinegun threads and their ilk is a lip-curled, laughing, dismissive slap in the face. They show up, any number of fools posture, pose, and preen to the disgust of the entire community, and they fade away. But the Peng Challenge Thread cannot be treated lightly. Because the Peng Challenge Thread is in it for the long run. It's here to stay. It must be religiously controlled, or run rampant and quite horrifying.

When I first posted to the Peng Challenge Thread, I thought like a child, I taunted like a child, I acted like a child; when I became a Cesspooler, I gave up childish ways.

[Wesreidau]

He's a manhooverist, not a-titerist. That's why.

He manhoovers other people into doing it for him!

and don't get me started on his gamey use of soviet defensive strategy!

PeterNZ

[rune]

Just when you thought it was safe...

Rune Pak 7 with 5 new evil scenarios is almost complete. As soon as I get some of the pool members to get off sitting on their brain and send me a report on the last scenario.

That is all...now go back to your normal mindless dribble.

Rune

Commander

Army of the Porcupine