Bugger Peng Let's Have A Real Challenge Then!

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>All hail Roborat and Capt. Foobar!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Fine, fine, fine, I can't fault the logic of that. HOWEVER ... only ONE can survive. The winner should, per our prior agreement, be made Knight of the CessPool, but the loser ... hello ... LOST! If he wants to be a Knight he needs to finish FIVE battles.

Joe

[Stuka]

Well, its a lovely day here in the land of Oz.

The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the local footy team won the national AFL cup last night, I'm drinking beer, the other football code (the ARL) final is on telly tonight, I'm drinking beer, I've been out for a lovely ride on the mighty Triumph this morning, I'm drinking beer, I took the dirt bike out for a blast yesterday (the first time since the collar bone 'incident') and emerged unscathed and...... I'm drinking beer.

Oh yes, all my games are coming along swimmingly.

Dalem is learning some lessons best kept indoors between consenting adults about what happens to naive 'murkin doughboys who wander into nazi fields of fire.

Seanachai seems to be making sure that the last of his smoke screen has dissapated before advancing, in order to give my boys the best possible opportunities to shoot his block off.

Mr Tinkles is absent while running his turn through a super computer in order to give himself a chance of defeating me.

FOSG is still giggling about his uber-plan. Unfortunately for the lad, I see him and know exactly what hes up to.

Did I mention I'm drinking beer?

Ummmmmmm......yummy!

[Seanachai]

Recently (basically last night, and doing a bit of slumming on the Outer Boards), I was pointed to a thread by that iconoclastic and out-spoken idjit, The Capt., that I actually found rather intriguing. Entitled 'the Ancient Art of CM', it was a somewhat intriguing discussion of the actual playing of CM, rather than a useless discussion of how complete sodding idiots would have done it better if they'd only known where to show up and start voicing their drunken and thoughtless opinions.

A lengthy 'post by proxy' from that most venerable of CMer's, Fionn Kelly, was posted (by permission). I responded to the thread, which had many interesting concepts, but also half-witted attacks on the Peng Challenge Thread by one of the

'Usual Suspects', with my appraisal that the only flaw I found in Fionn's otherwise interesting post, was his failure to address attacks on the Peng Challenge Thread.

Although I would normally ask his permission to post in his name, here in the Peng Challenge Thread we are all about spontaneous infamy, so I quote an email response from the redoubtable Fionn Kelly regarding the Peng Challenge Thread:

If anyone wants to attack the Peng Threads they'll have to go through

me .

Pengers are, almost uniformly, the "old breed" and, as such, are AOK

in my book .

So, attacks against the Peng Threads are pretty bloody futile . If

the Threads ever need a champion in a challenge give me a call . I

may not be a knight, or a squire or even a kniggit but I wield a

pretty mean broadsword

Fionn

Shaw, fellow, as the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread, we have acknowledged and reaffirmed that 'Everyone comes naked to the Peng Challenge Thread'. The justice and righteousness of this cannot be argued with (and get over the naked thing, for the love of all the gods, it's a freaking metaphor).

But here, we have a true son of the Peng Challenge Thread, but one who cannot, by the burden of circumstance, either go through a period of serfdom, nor be accepted as a squire, nor play the requisite games in his own name. He cannot post, he cannot taunt, and yet, he believes in the Truth, the Glory, and the Righteousness of the Peng Challenge.

As Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread, I say to you: what can we do for this Irish lad, exiled, lost, and alone? Surely the hallowed traditions of our Thread will show us the way.

No attention should be paid to the fact that Shaw is, himself, of Irish descent, nor are my own antecedents, too numerous to mention in this area, to be taken into account. Nor is the fact that Lorak, should he ever return to us, Herald of the Peng Challenge Thread, himself of Irish ancestry, nor should this in any way affect the Thread's understanding of what a useless bunch of swine the Ozzies and the Finns are.

No, I know that Shaw and all involved will do the right thing.

Oh, and fellows, don't take this as anything like a code phrase or anything, but I just feel the need to say to Shaw: Tammany Hall. Selah.

[Moriarty]

Hoist 'im on a stake.

Then hoist a proper pint of Guinness to 'im, fine Celtic lad that he is.

Can't taunt? Bollocks to that Senility, you haven't been around long enough. Even in his present circumstances, Fionn Kelly (yes, bolded out of respect) can taunt with the best of 'em if he so chooses.

[ 09-30-2001: Message edited by: Moriarty ]

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Moriarty:

Hoist 'im on a stake.

Then hoist a proper pint of Guinness to 'im, fine Celtic lad that he is.

Can't taunt? Bollocks to that Senility, you haven't been around long enough. Even in his present circumstances, Fionn Kelly (yes, bolded out of respect) can taunt with the best of 'em if he so chooses.

[ 09-30-2001: Message edited by: Moriarty ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Moriarity, you bloody idjit.

Did I mean to say that Fionn could not taunt?

I did not.

Did I mean to indicate that Fionn, exiled from the Board (and no one will understand that sense of loss, seperation, and being an outsider more than a member of the Peng Challenge Thread), could not actually post his goddamn taunts?

Yes, Moriarity, that's what I was trying to indicate.

Mind, I would be happy, as I'm sure any of the Old Ones would be, to 'post by proxy' Fionn's taunts. Here in the Peng Challenge Thread, where we wouldn't be running into the original 'nature' of the bann, I feel that Fionn could more than hold his own, and no one the worse for it.

He is, of course, a passionate man. He can no more restrain his opinions than Meeks could achieve sanity. Still, I think that if there was one venue where Fionn could post and not get into trouble, it would be the Peng Challenge Thread.

But, like a retired gunslinger who had married a Quaker lass, and only wanted peace, but could never back down from a challenge, even though he knew his acceptance of that challenge would only plunge him into conflicts that would drag him ever deeper into...

Here, I think Fionn Kelly should be allowed to post only in the Peng Challenge Thread. If he loses control and goes balistic, who'll notice?

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>As Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread, I say to you: what can we do for

this Irish lad, exiled, lost, and alone? Surely the hallowed traditions of our Thread will show us the way.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> After serious consideration of the question the Justicariate of the Peng Challenge Thread has determined the following:

(iivv) That many of the current Knights of the CessPool were created in situ by fiat ... or maybe Ferrari of Lord Lorak upon the initiation of the Tome of Lorak.

(rigotoni) That only consistent and regular contributors to the Peng Challenge Thread were MADE Knights of the CessPool SAVE for MadMatt who basically threatened Lorak with extreme bodily injury unless Lorak added HIS name to the list and Lorak, not being COMPLETELY stupid and being fairly attached to his arms and legs the way they were decided to add his name in order to preserve his arms, legs and Gawd only knows what else in their natural state.

(fini) That Lorak, being in a state of serious panic and sweating up a storm, likely didn't add the individual referred to because said individual:

(bbbbbb) Didn't threaten Lorak and

(3 ... just 3, don't make a big deal about it, it's just a number) Wasn't posting regularly due to exile status.

(therefore) It is the judgement of the Justicariate of the Peng Challenge Thread that said Fionn Kelly should be inducted into the ranks of the Knights of the CessPool with an honorary record of 256 wins, 0 losses, 0 draws OR such other honorary titles and inducements as may occur to the alcholol sodden minds of the Olde Ones met in congress here or somewhere else.

And, in a completely NON-POLITICAL and non-related statement ...

Erin is the name of my daughter

Go Dallas, beat Philadelphia

Braugh! ... uh ... give me a second on this one ... is a very good English actor ... {whew!}

Joe

[ 09-30-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[Joe Shaw]

{Double Posted for added emphasis and your scrolling enjoyment}

[ 09-30-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[Stuka]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Ozzies

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Roight!

Let me make this perfectly clear to all you foreigners!

There is no such thing as an 'Ozzie', it is spelt Aussie!

'Ozzie' is periliously close to Mozzie, a term destined to get any true, red blooded Aussie scrambling for the can of 'raid'.

Harken for a minute fellow lovers of democracy, allow me to pause to gather my thoughts.

.

.

.

.

*Slurp.....glug..glug...glug...*

.

.

.

*Belllllch!*

.

.

Ahhh, thats better, now where was I? Oh yes, let me look for a minute at one of the pinnacles {Sit down Bauhaus} of 'murkin society. The "Ford"

Oh yes, so proud of your 'Ford' aren't you chappies? Perhaps I should have said 'Faurd'? Oh no that would never do would it? You see, we are all brothers of the same ilk really, 'cept we Aussies live in gods own, unspoilt, sunburnt nirvana while you boys (n'gals) inhabit a decaying capitalist infrastructure. Never mind, we can overlook that.

But what we cannot overlook is the taking of our name in vain. We uber-Aussies saved your Yankee bacon in two world wars and innumerable smaller conflicts and the least, the least you can do is try, try to remember to spell our name correctly.

Does the free world complain when you say 'Aluminum' instead of 'Aluminium'?

No, it does not.

Do the right thinking peoples of this 3rd rock moan when you lot say 'Armor' instead of 'Armour'?

No, we do not.

Do all free spirited naturalists whine when you say "have a nice day" while looking away, and then offer a robotical "your'e welcome" to our response of "hows your bum for spots?", proving once and for all that you do not wish us a nice day, you do not listen to our response and you do not bid us welcome.

No we do bloody not!

So how about you spend a little time and effort perfecting the 'AU' concept over the 'O', and prove to the world that 'murkins can, with just a little effort, push themselves to the olympian effort required to effect 2 keystrokes over the more traditional 'one'.

Go on big fella, I know you can do it.

Do it for democracy.

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

Roight!

Do it for democracy.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh, be quiet, Ozzie!!

[Stuka]

Ah!..Gad!!..jeez!..feck!!..spit!

That does it, next time ole Freddy Hitler or Steven Tojo or Bernard Ho Chi Min comes knocking on your door, don't come crying to us for help.

Coz wer'e too busy watching the footy.

A nasty rash on you all.

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

That does it, next time ole Freddy Hitler or Steven Tojo or Bernard Ho Chi Min comes knocking on your door, don't come crying to us for help.

Coz wer'e too busy watching the footy.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hitler, Tojo and Ho Chi Min - those bloody seventh day dentists, I hate it when they knock.

btw, footy's seasons over now, so it's time to put away the dog's eye (you know, the one they drag out every year, blow the dust off, remove the maggots from, put a new lot of sauce on, and try to flog off as 'good tucka') and lend a hand dealing with these 'dentists'. But make it quick because the one day test matches are due to kick off soon.

Mace ( doing his bit for Australia - drinking beer )

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

I feel like such a hypocrite posting in here while I don’t have CM on my hard drive. I have a faint recollection of a win or two and a few draws. Most were losses that weren’t very glorious. I do remember a battle with a Mister OGSF where I had a knight who sponsored me. We know his name and how he was unhelpful to the nth degree with training and/or coaching. The sad squire then named Hiram Sedai had to whore his username out to unkempt lawyers and care salesmen for little snippets of advice for gameplay. This lead to what you see before you. First person, third person. It doesn’t matter to the sad, brainless squire who was made a lower class knight.

I am grateful to the surrogate sponsors who answered my questions and helped me along in my CM journey. I won’t name them because they consider me to be the one who just didn’t get it. Like patient teachers who witness an autistic child repeatedly bang block on his head, they tried to correct my obvious mistakes but could not reverse the disorder that still remains.

I remember my squire challenge still. OGSF and I traded some barbs on the forum and then fought on a map created by Meeks. Think “tree full of rats”

I abhor him still. He named one building “The brothel” because he has that humor that made us cringe when he unleashed it. It was fog and both sides were green and conscript. OGSF methodically gang raped my soldiers and left them crying in the fog. I remember placing approximately 30 soldiers in one building and then he played the executioner role with his Stug. I still wake with cold sweats over that game. I feel the guilt over the loss of my digital soldiers.

What is the point to this mediocre diatribe? Well, I think that Slapdragon -the name is unbolded because grogs are fun to mess with but are not of “The Cess” and he deserves to be a squire because of his goodwill towards the Cesspool at large for quite some time. He wanted to step in and wallow like the rest of us but was hesitant. He looked longingly upon the murky waters and tried to emulate the inhabitants who splashed around. His enlarged cranium and excess verbosity only made him seem to be a long lost brother to our Bard. We thought to ourselves, why have another? We already have a long winded, Minnesotan who will take up an entire page with nothing but poetry and sing-songs. But, this one is different. I would gladly sponsor him, but I have no useful knowledge to impart to him. I would champion his cause, but I don’t have the intellect to back up my claims. I am almost certain that whatever opinion I might have, Geriatric Joe would have the opposite. I do know that you think of him as your Oprah while I remain your Jerry Springer.

So, as a merciful end to this inane blathering, I would like to ask the Cesspool at large to consider him as a knight if and when he does win his squire challenge. Any other outcome would not be fair and just. We may be the unwashed outcasts of the message board, but we do have a code of honor. I hope that it isn’t totally dependent upon whatever the Justicar may be feeling.

Edited because its the most I've written in six months. Deal with it.

[ 09-30-2001: Message edited by: Hiram's Ghost ]

[Foobar]

Oh you want to know who won do you?? Lets not skip ahead..

Everything started swimingly back in September 2000.

It was a beautiful autumn evening. The air was crisp, and their was a beautiful hydrocarbon haze hanging over San Diego

that night. Whilst passing through the pool on said night, I found an excruciaingly stupid post by 'Hamsters'. As any good citizen should do, I questions the methods of his upbringing, and cast general dispersions on his heritage. Along comes poor Roborat, who was (snicker), an up and coming squire of the aforementioned heretic, saying "How dare you and so forth!"

Well I was in no mood fnord to take so forth from anyone, especially some uppity little buggerer who admits associating with Hamsters.

I replied that I would love to fire projectiles at him as well, but as I was only a rogue, long time sympathizer of the pool, with no place or position, that we would have to meet out behind the raquetball court after school (sit down, bauhaus)

Our Father Below, Berlichdengensenden was quick to enter into commerce with me, for my soul, and with that started

du dud dud dud dun dun!!

The longest squire challenge ever!!!!!!

I examined the map, realised that every building was on fire , and that there was no available piece fnord of cover on the map. Fine, a cesspool joke at our expense. I can live with it.

So, gamey bastard that I am, I placed 80% of my force directly on the front right flank from turn 1, ready to cruise on through town like Attilla.

Roborat, in typical ssn fashion, started with an even dispersement of troops all over his side of the map. Well I stomped a mudhole in his nether-regions right off the bat. My Sherman 75's were great for this. Tank Commanders included OGSF, Joe Shaw, Captain Foobar, and Hiram. Hiram bought it from a light AP round on turn two, but we kept on rolling up that fnord left flank through the buildings. German grey matter makes great lubricant for tank treads by the way.. Little known fact..

Moments later Tank Commander Captain Foobar had a spectacular kill on a Crack Panther, from 150 yards away. the local force ratio was about 3:1......I told Robobrat the name of the ever so skilled commander, and this vexed him even more. He made it his goal in life to kill CM foobar, and he only managed to lose a few more afv's in the process.

What I have just described took 3 months... At this point I decided to send turns only once a week, and only if Roborat reminded me to. I wasn't satisfied fnord just ripping the hell out of him on the field of battle, I wanted to test his patience, and vex him as much as possible.

Skipping forward 10 turns, and 6 months.. everything started turning to ****e. Roborat managed to actually fight his way out of a paper bag, and marshalled his forces in a clever ambush in the back corner of the map, (which was all he had left). I lost 3 shermans just trying to draw out a Marder, and he caught my best platoon of infantry dawdling in a courtyard, and ventilated most of their torsos.

At this point I decided I had best step up my psyops campaign on him. I sent one file to him every month, as long as he remembered to remind me twice in the week before I had it scheduled. We lost a month or two when he forgot to remind me, but in his frustration he eventually tracked down my phone number and started sending me angry voicemails. At this point my psyops hit a snag, as now my wife was in chorus with Roborat, saying things like "please do whatever it takes to make him stop calling"... So fine, its August, I will throw him a bone..

The battle ended ugly and dull. Everything was burning when we had 1st arrived, so our small contribution did little to add decoration to the eternal maelstrom.

When the dust settled, Roborat had a Panther named TC ROBORAT behind a building, and a MarkIV prowling the god-forsaken streets. I had TC Foobar a mere 50 yards away from Roborat, on the other side of the building. while TC Foobar was looking desperately for more ammo, with over 5 afv kills in his humble Sherman 75, TC Roborat's Panther looked shiny and new, like that awkward little kid named Stuart on your son's Baseball team, who sits the bench half the season, and only goes in when the ref threatens you with suspension.

Roborat: I don't think you get Victory points for finishing with all your ammo, just FYI

The score? The score you ask? It was a draw. Piss off you gits.

[Moriarty]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Moriarity, you bloody idjit.

Did I mean to say that Fionn could not taunt?

I did not.

Did I mean to indicate that Fionn, exiled from the Board (and no one will understand that sense of loss, seperation, and being an outsider more than a member of the Peng Challenge Thread), could not actually post his goddamn taunts?

Yes, Moriarity, that's what I was trying to indicate.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I quite realise that, ya git. Do you think for a moment that if he wanted to taunt your sorry butt, he could not find the means or the channel to do so? Has he not spoken on the beloved MBT through Lorak before? Did he not make his views known here (wittingly or unwittingly) through you yourself, ya blathering buffoon? I believe he did.

[CMplayer]

Slapdragon you are nought but a showoff, an overworked, undersexed SSN with too many balls in the air and too few in yer pants. To illustrate my point I am sending a QB setup where you are on the attack (with standard ground, weather etc). I will enjoy watching you micromanage your penetration factors into a tizzy as your advance falters. Look promptly in your mailbox and do not fail to reply. If you decline, for whatever reason, may your head be split into 7 pieces by the next poor junkie you try to rough up on skid row.

CMplayer out

[BFCElvis]

JOE SHAW!!!! I have finally found a reason to hate you properly.

Your precious Cowgirls are going down hard tonight and I will be there to witness it first hand in what should be the official stadium of the cesspool...Veterans Stadium, Philadelphia, Pa. A true cesspool of a place. A place that threw snowballs at Santa Clause. At place that booed the home team when they were winning a game 32-3 one time. A very smelly place.

[Lawyer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng:

Gentleworms:

F&FS-MKaL LOOOOOSER! 10 points

Peng a sad, shameful and unworthy victory. 88 Points

Lorak you pointy eared dungheap! Scrive it thusly.

Peng<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey, I EARNED those 10 pts, Pod Boy. I still can't believe the one lousy Greyhound had to stop in mid-motion with one or two ticks remaining.

The "mook" designer of this woebegotten scenario, the gent that Peng says should be disemboweled is, in fact, none other than Wild Bill Wonder. He seems in all other respects to be a kind, gentle, creative, generous and dedicated designer of scenarios for the CM community. However, he stepped over the line, nay HE LEAPED over the line into the DARK SIDE for this battle.

One might easily surmise poor Wild Bill's persona was hi-jacked by Berli, if one was inclined to believe in Satanic Forces. And I was the one who foolishly chose this scenario as a vehicle to trounce the AoP, but even more foolishly, I selected the US attackers who were doomed from the start. I basically had 25 turns to destroy and run past a solid wall of fortifications, field guns, and assorted panzers, including a couple of hidden Panthers to clean up whatever got past Peng's first line of defense.

Now, a few observations are in order this quiet Sunday morning of reflection.

46(d)

Has anyone else noticed that the dilatory Peng actually starts sending back turns quickly when he smells a victory? I had to squeeze the early turns out of him, till he sensed that even a Pod could beat a poor Lawyer in this turkey shoot. Then the turns began coming back more rapidly than overheated MG42 fire.

12 USC 4724

I think it is fortunate for me that Lorak has apparently been abducted by aliens (that is, his REAL parents came to pick him up at the daycare center). Thus, the dreaded asterisk shall thankfully not fall upon my innocent head for losing this monstrosity.

Chapter IV, "Mookie Meets His Mother"

If perchance an asterisk comes my way like random death from a wayward astroid, I believe we need to place an asterisk by the asterisk to denote a loss to Peng in a game so lopsided that all he had to do was hit "Go". Yes, I know hitting "Go is difficult for a Pod to do, but it is at least within his capacities when he is not overly incapacitated.

What say you, Jackals, should there be an asterisk placed upon the loser asterisk when Peng can win a game without trying?

BTW, Hiram, I'm still 10 big ones better than you, Boyo.

[Lawyer]

Now on to family matters...

Gentlejackals, we have an embarrassing situation here that is growing worse, not better. Remember that time your old Uncle Bob soiled his pants at the Thanksgiving dinner table and didn't even notice? Or when Cousin Ted wore his underpants on the outside over his trousers cuz he thought it was cool? How about when Aunt Bessie forgot to shave her mustache before giving all you kids a big wet kiss at Christmas?

Well, I think we have the same type of grave situation here. It's time we face up to it and find a solution if we are to maintain the indignity of our dear Cesspool.

Surely, you all are feeling the same discomfort I feel whenever Seanachai posts these days. While fewer in number, his posts are becoming longer, more disjointed, and most hideous of all, Seanachai has become Uncle Happy Face!

First, he invited all those giddy grogs contenting themselves with being themselves on the WineCape thread to BECOME KNIGHTS OF THE POOL! Just like that. They show up and become Kniggets. Why? Because Uncle Happy Face lost his marbles one night while perusing the outer boards.

Which brings me to the second point. Why the hell is Seanachai out cruisng the outer boards like some sort of repressed sexual freak looking for first-time action in San Francisco? Is he "out of the closet" as an outer-boarder who lived among us (not quietly) pretending to BE one of us? Or is he just out of quaaludes? (A problem that could be easily fixed by a Fed-Ex from mensch or even a bus trip across town to see Shandorf).

Then, despite being tried, convicted, and treated with great leniency by a loving Cesspool, Seanachai becomes a repeat offender by dragging in this meathead Slapfaggin and proclaiming HIM to be a Cesspool VIP with no training at all.

Now, I enjoy Joe Shaw about as much as I do inhaling Jersy marsh stink, but at least the Justicar has tried to maintain the acid air of intolerance and annoying traditions that KEEP OUT THE CASUAL SCUM. Joe has often noted that Cesspool traditions have a purpose beyond making us scream in agony. These hallowed traditions KEEP OUT CASUAL SCUM.

Instead, we now the ugly specter of Smilin' Steve routinely inviting every blowhard and "can't we all be friends" CM newbie in here to BE A MEMBER. And in return, does he demand money or beer or any worthwhile booty that we could split while pestering the new neighbors with spittle? Noooooo.

And the latest is Seanachai's proclamation that Fionn Kelly, Roborat, and Captain Foobar be elevated to Kniggethood. Not to mention his scandalous glorification of The_Capt, who libeled the Cesspool no more than a week ago.

Now, Fionn has well-established his bonafide nasties by going where none of us have gone before. He's actually been banned from the board for being disagreeable. Even Meeks couldn't pull that one off.

So I agree that some appropriate memorial is in order for Fionn. To us, he is like the "Three Stars in Heaven" -- Richie Valens, Big Bopper, and Buddy Holly. Gone before their fair time on earth was up, but always remembered when we gaze starward. Something ethereal would work for Fionn, but not a common "honorary" Rotary Club membership like a Knigget title. Hell, I saw a box of those on sale at the Dollar Store yesterday.

With Roborat and Captain Foobar, it is different. I have nothing personal against Roborat, except that he is CANADIAN. And come to think of it, I guess I do have something personal against him.

Captain Foobar, on the other hand, is like a gross stain on you best clothes that is only visible from certain angles, and is therefore impossible to get rid of. He shows up in the Cesspool about as often as he sends a turn. In fact, I only started hating Joe Shaw as a cheap "Made in Utah" substitute for my hatred of Foobar.

Which brings me back to the "troubles" with Seanachai. I mean, he goes to the outer boards with this ingratiating, smiley, happy attitude that would make the maitre d' at a Chinese restaurant blush with shame. If we need any spokesman, it should be a "Soup Nazi" type. We seem to have plenty of those around here, but none of them feel compelled to "bring home" what they find out on the street.

So, if Seanachai wants to soil himself, that's okay by me. In fact, it's probably natural for him. But we cannot let him keep soiling the Cesspool with happy faces like this --

We have tried "justice", but it has not worked. Let's face it, Seanachai is a recidivist offender poisoning our family with "good intentions". He's become the Cesspool Welcome Wagon, fer crissakes.

It may be time to consider a more permanent solution like lobotomy, although it appears Seanachai has already undergone that treatment, most likely for its cosmetic benefits. All the girls in Minnesota admire a man with a prominent scar on his forehead. (Watch out, Dalem.)

So what should be done? All this "hail fellow well met" happiness nonsense by Seanachai will kill the Cesspool quicker than a MadMatt padlock. "Old One" may have originally conveyed a sense of wisdom, but now it has obviously become plain garden-variety SENILITY. And none of us feel like changing the bladder bag every 15 minutes.

SAVE OUR CESSPOOL!

[ 09-30-2001: Message edited by: Lawyer ]

[Foobar]

Originally posted by Law-whore:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>He shows up in the Cesspool about as often as he sends a turn.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I plead no contest on this count. What keeps the cesspool interesting is continual effort, and creative meanness on a regular basis. But whilst my Squire Challenge was in progress, I figured "Hey, none of those bloody wanks has to play a scenario like this.. the bastards.. why should I talk to them. They dont know what its like.... They're not street like me"

Well, now that its finally over, I can feel my strength returning. I am not promising to contribute any more regularly, I am not promising to be clever. How can you ask guile of someone who sat through a 12 month squire challenge?

In the end, it will come down to Lorak's decision, and I remain stoic whilst waiting to hear. Worst case, I am still the minion of the Dark One, and thats not so bad...

[Lars]

Lets see now,

Slapdragon is an utter pillock who already has pretensions of being a Knigget.

Seanachai is a long winded bore who actually invites in SSN scum like the above.

The conclusion, therefore,

Slapdragon should squire Seanachai.

[Lawyer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lars:

The conclusion, therefore,

Slapdragon should squire Seanachai.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ummm... Lars, are you suggesting some type of dating or sexual relationship between them?

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

[Joe Shaw]

I feel ... vindicated! Mind you it's a damn poor vindication since it was Lawyer who caused it, but a poor, struggling Justicar must needs take what he can get.

Do you think it's FUN for me to CONSTANTLY monitor this board for Seanachai's recidivism? Do you believe that I enjoy dashing the hopes and dreams of the various SSNs who have been proposed? Do you imagine that I spend hours over this damn keyboard to lay out the logic and reasoning of the Justicariate JUST FOR KICKS? Damn right I do, but what did I get? Naught but the virtual back of the hand and mutterings about my age.

But now Lawyer for some reason has finally admitted that he GETS IT! Perhaps Seanachai Got Religion suddenly and decided that we needed a missionary and went out figuratively wandering the outerboard with his pamphlets and namebadge ... "Seanachai" Olde One, maybe he decided that we were boring and we really NEEDED more people in here ... by definition I suppose more people LIKE HIM {shudder}, maybe he felt that we weren't giving him his due, I don't know. But the Justicariate of the Peng Challenge Thread was VIGILANT and SAW THE SIGNS and read the augeries (and let me tell you it took a LOT of disjointed buffalo wings and beer to read them right ... and then of course we had to confirm the readings ... we're still fighting with the CessPool accounting department over the expense accounts).

But we did our job and we have prevailed. Frankly Lawyer ... you're a day late and a dollar short. We saw the danger, we reported it to the CessPool and we received an apology IN FULL from Seanachai along with agreement that TRADITION will not be swept under the rug ... if we had a rug. Since that time he has proposed only one elevation to the rank of Knighthood and that for Fionn Kelly whom you yourself agree is MORE than deserving. Furthermore, the Justicariate has published it's irrefutable reasoning justifying that elevation.

In other words ... PAY ATTENTION! You're preaching to the choir and bolting the door after the horses have fled. The Justicariate is ON THE CASE.

Joe

[Lawyer]

Well, Joe, extremism in defense of the Cesspool is no vice! And I find that taking on causes when the outcome is already known increase my chances of winning exponentially.

But I doubt that you have slain the evil at hand just yet. I'll bet Seanachai is out making "new friends" on the main forum right now. There's some new dork out there multiple postings about covering himself in ****e and asking admittedly stupid questions to get attention.

I fear it's only a matter of time before Smilin' Steve takes irresponsible pity on Amazing Void and invites him home to the Cesspool. And after that, there will be another newbie git, and another one, and so on...

As you know, there is an endless supply of newbie gits out there. I think they spawn themselves without intercourse, which is the only rational explanation since no decent woman would touch them.

It's tough for old people to break habits, Joe, even bad habits. You, of all people, should know that.

[OGSF]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

... The SQUIRE'S CHALLENGE was the very first attempt by us to determine how a Squire would become a Knight, and this was the very first AND ONLY Squire's Challenge.

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Let it be noted that Roborat and Capt. Foobar are the original, dyed in the wool, first ever poor bastards to be handed a Cesspool joke scenario. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

*splutter* Wha a pair o' stankin' senile festerin' drain sippin' snot-brained poot inhalin' slightly sticky underpant stains!! *gaahhh spattooeee*

A more bandy legged pair o' gorby garglin' ferret stuffers Ah cudnae feend wi' oot runnin' a poxy pool skimmer through tha putrid daipths o' tha stankin' 'Pool atsailf!

"Tha verry furrst", eh? "Original, daid ain tha wool", eh?

Justicar, keeper o' traditions mah weepin' arrse! Hiram an' mae were tha firrrst unhappy recipients o' a maggot-blown joke squires challenge, whuch were completed wi' AARs' an' follud bah tha inaugral ceremony o' promotion tae Kaannnigget. Afore tha al ye had tae do wus show oop an ye were a stankin' kanniget.

Lak mah esteemed mon-at-arms, Hiram, Ah hae' harboured a burnin' hatred o' Meeks an' hais *aarrrrgh paatoooeee splat* festerin' foggy wet night wi' conscripts abomination o' a lark's spittle scenario. Ah thank at were Berli wah made tha map, boot at were Hamsters wah cursed at wi' conscripts. Ah were kickin' haim aboot ain a revenge PBEM lak tha reh-heided stepcheeld, when hae fled tae tha Artic. Tha spit swallowin' hamster fondler wudnae continue tha game after hais returrn. Bastaarrrd.

Sae, Mistah Fanarcklin' Justi-cannae scratch mae ain bum-car Seepin' Boil aina SSN's Dangley Bits, af'n ye cannae keep that traditions straight, Ah'll whup ye jelly roll arrrse ain a PBEM o' Lawyer's choosin'.

An' Seanachai, Ah didnae bother tae challenge yoo laddie, cus Ah saim tae ha' noo trouble spankin' ye spotty arrrse anyhoo. Ye knoo at, boot tha stale spit ain a bagpipe bag Joe Shaw as staill tae learn. But ye're a nasty green thang ain a phelgmatic alcoholic's hanky all tha same.

Bastarrrds!

Lawyer, af'n ye'd bae sae keend.

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

Edited tae injeact a wee bat more hate.

Edited agin fer ne'er ye meend.

[ 09-30-2001: Message edited by: OGSF ]

[ 09-30-2001: Message edited by: OGSF ]

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Sae, Mistah Fanarcklin' Justi-cannae scratch mae ain bum-car Seepin' Boil aina SSN's Dangley Bits, af'n ye cannae keep that

traditions straight, Ah'll whup ye jelly roll arrrse ain a PBEM o' Lawyer's choosin'. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Hmmm, I've either been challenged or asked out on a date, not sure which BUT I refuse the date categorically so I suppose that just leaves the challenge.

I'd like apologize profusely to OGSF for not having remembered his squire's challenge, no doubt it was a direct result of the participants inability to hold the interest of anyone for more than 5 seconds ... I'd LIKE to apologize ... but I won't.

I further refuse categorically to accept his challenge until he shows the courtesy of challenging properly with my name correctly spelt and bolded THROUGHOUT THE CHALLENGE. I've had just about enough of CessPoolers who refuse to show the proper respect for other CessPoolers. I make it a practice to spell and bold the names of all Knights and Squires and I do that out of respect for the CessPool. The CessPool is more than the sum of it's dangly parts, and while I may personally loath and detest OGSF (and I do) I show him the respect due his rank ... but then I'm a better man than he.

I further categorically refuse to play ANYTHING concocted by that foul stench in the nostrils of humanity Lawyer. We'll ignore the fact that he has absolutely NO ability at scenario design, we'll ignore his well known antipathy toward ME (can you believe that, against ME, as gentle and kind a soul as you'll ever meet), we'll ignore his obvious propensity to accept cash money for ANYTHING, but we cannot ignore the fact that I would become physically ill every time I booted the game just thinking that he'd had his greasy little fingers all over the scenario ... it makes me cringe just to think of it.

So be advised OGSF, in the words (more or less, give or take a few Hollywood variations upon history) of your countryman ... Do these things and you shall have your game, do them not ... and you shall all die this day ... no wait that's not right ... oh Hell with it, it's close enough.

Joe