TAKING THE BLOODY PENG THREAD DOWNUNDER

[MrPeng]

today my inner croda told my inner hiram to assasinate my inner seanachai. it was an episode for the big book. flecks of spittle raged at the corners of my inner croda's mouth. my inner hiram stood stolidly, yet eyes agape in fear and horror as my inner croda described in vivid detail my inner seanachai's topplement: a lurid, grainy film nior sort of thing with my inner pawbroon as a wishy-washy continental type interested in saving only his own inner pawbroon skin. {My inner Mark IV was an evil yet nearly likeable villian bent on my inner hiram's, inner shandorf's and inner geier's destruction, and the destruction of all non-nazi inner selves.} my inner croda would drive his PT boat up to the shores of lake Peng and beat his raging fists upon the door of my inner seahachai's castle walls, demanding a duel. my inner seanachai would sing a 400 stanza celtic ballad about the sorrow and shame of all topplements. at about stanza 234 my inner croda would die of boredom leaving a hate vacuum among my inner selves. phoenix like, my inner croda would rise from the ashes of my inner boredom topplement,

we now pause for an advertisement, already in progress:

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Ron Obvious: YES, KEN, IT REALLY IS SUPER THE WAY MY COOKER COOKS FOOD IN A FRACTION OF THE TIME IT TAKES CONVENTIONAL COOKERS TO COOK THE SAME FOOD. ALSO, NONE OF THE VITAMINS ARE LOST IN THE COOKING LIKE IN THE 'OLD FASHIONED' COOKERS YOU SEE HERE!

Ken Unctious: SUPER!

{we now return you to our inner dialogue}

when my inner elvis arrived in the nick of time. he looked my inner croda square in the eye and said "you can do anything but stay offa my blue suede shoes."

fin

[Mark IV]

Nice fin.

So like I was saying:

Bugger you lot.

Crodette is my only 1.1b game, and we are noticing Things. Veterans ain't, Artillery doesn't, and his troops are still placed with less tactical acumen than sidewalk Salvation Army Santas. The AI's all to blame for his impending defeat. Boo hoo hoo. Make me attack uphill in clear terrain as Amis again and buy yourself some fuel-air bombs, ya little punk.

Some of you have noticed some recent tardiness on my part, i.e. 24 hours between turns, a model most of you would aspire to, if you had any aspirations beyond your next burrito. No excuse and sod off, that's the way it is. Cry me a river.

I would tell you how busy I am, but for most of you "busy" involves short bursts of manual dexterity of a nature shocking and despicable. Real Life will probably go on through February so there's my frigging life story if you care, and you should. Schedule accordingly. It revolts me when I think how important my posts must be to most of you.

Sure, I can hear you all now:

Croda: I'll grind your ass into tacos and feed them to someone's chihuahua and feed that to a pitbull and sic it on mensch and take the little menschy part out of its poop and roll it into little balls that I'll shoot into the NYSE and call all my options and sell short and...

OFSG: Ach rae ti ma rublee ye bonnie bilaghie ee foe nae ta blae me gochlamie tae soon...

mensch: we'll miss you like a bent-barreled shotgun which I invented to shoot around corners and do you ever wonder why there are corners in a round universe and if it's round why isn't it an omniverse and they're coming to take me away, haha, they're coming to take me away...

Berli: Piss off.

Seanachai: Zs;erktjr;ijtir jbrisjnbir ljngbslkjhsn; lfjh s;klgfjh s;lkdjh s;klfdjhgsl kdjngskl;dfjgskl dhgjf gskl;dfjhgs; klfdjhgskl cvbn djhgklfdjhtjhetuyioutryiour njhdnjgcklbjxcmnb xyuhfs;wur'aq ti 'aqokhrjtndkgfjb zdkfjg kjtrh s'jtrskl rjthskldjrg slkjhsklrjh s/klrjhskldfjhg skljhs klgfdjb xcklgfjhb klgfjh s;klgjh ;fjhfjhklgfjh fklgjht;l....

Germanboy: You stupid amerikaniche dummkopfen, ich bin englisch! I am a madame-fellow! I vant to be your freund! Vorship me now!

Hiram: Ok.

bauhaus: He said ok, didn't he?

Pawbroon: Stand on the floor, bauhaus, it is not yet to be punctured without roses. Haha.

... and so forth. Anyway, you all have your bloody turns now.

[nijis]

I see it's no wiser to turn one's back on the Pool than on a San Quentin shower stall. All sorts of vile lies are being propagated in my absence. No loss, Mardepths? I'll admit that not all's going according to plan, but I see at least one StuG with a big hole in the front that's now good for nothing else but being a shag-pad and scat repository for the creatures of the forest, and a number of your squads appear to be a couple of onesomes short of a threesome. As for Krokus, I'd thought I'd informed you that I was not quitting, only taking a short break to watch you scuttle about a bit leaving a trail of green goo before dealing you a final, satisfying stomp. As for JDMorselimyanopponenthaveIneversuffered, well, um, I'll grant that you got a couple of lucky pot-shots from afar, but there's a whole bunch of countryside your slow, clunky monsters need to traverse before you get close to any of those pretty flags. MacStompie seems to be having good fun making big noises and motoring about the battlefield. Whenever you're ready to fight just give me a holler. I also see that some insignificant piece of web flotsam calling himself dalem has trundled in thinking it would be cute to adopt a five-letter, lower case bisyllabic handle. This will not do. You fancy yourself a grog? Send me a set-up and you'll get to inspect some big ordnance up close and personal. (Ordnance, incidentally, is not supposed to be a euphemism for anything. I don't want to hear about anybody's CM Thingie. Whichever organ you use to play the game is your own business. It's best not to cream on the keyboard, though). Most appallingly of all, I seem to have attracted the attention of PeterNZer. I assure you, sir, that this is just borrowed clothing. I advise you not to attempt to backhand me, as I have no desire to be smeared with ovine vaginal juices, and might be tempted to turn your name and number over to the RSPCA. However, although Ramadan's still going strong, I see no reason not to get the Eid slaughter started early, and will send you a mixed-force 20 to 30 turner shortly.

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"I can't listen to music too often... It makes me want to say kind, stupid things, and pat the heads of people... But now you have to beat them on the head, beat them without mercy."

V. I. Lenin

[nijis]

Double post. My apologies.

[This message has been edited by nijis (edited 12-15-2000).]

[nijis]

Triple post. Anybody with any wise-ass comments to make is preemptorily invited to go get themselves buggered by Sekhnu the Leprous Hyena God.

[This message has been edited by nijis (edited 12-15-2000).]

[Goanna]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Are you challenging me or asking permission to challenge me? Come and have a sit down and we can discuss this a minute. Do you want a piece of me? You have to speak in plain English because I'm a bit dim-witted and somewhat crass today.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Neither, you saccharine little whelp. When I challenge you, you will have that sinking feeling like when you lost your pet lint ball at age 10. This will be immediately followed by a splattering sound and a horrendous smell that will be your entrails falling at your feet.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> NO! I don't understand! How the hell does some whelp like Hiram get to be a knight by freakin' losing?! I am a hundred times a better CM player than Hiram and HE somehow beats someone in CM to be a knight?! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It helps to be able to read and make mental notes j****oaf although you seem to posses neither the faculties nor manual dexterity to be able to complete the task. So, I will explain it to you for the last time. You get ‘in’ not on the basis of your tactical prowess, but rather on your capability to show utter disdain in print to your opponent for the collective amusement. We make up the rules as we go along, and getting here first, as any yank should be well aware, often makes all the difference. To tell the truth, I don’t know how the hell Lorak saw fit to let in Hi-I-need-a-kickin, but he was holding the key to the gate at the time and I’m too lazy to argue. Perhaps it was the fact that he comes off so sweet and innocent that he fills a need of our Inner Crodas, a cute cuddly puppy to spray with liquid plastic and set on fire. I know his jokes, his ‘thank yous’ and his incessant support of a loser sports franchise generates a combination of gag response and seething rage in me.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> If ever there were a soddin' piece o' bovine butt weep, there's ye mon.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yeah, what he said, whatever that was. BTW we have a new sig as this made me hack up a hairball.

Nice work ya nijit Way to waste space on the thread you twitching boob.

------------------

If ever there were a soddin' piece o' bovine butt weep, there's ye mon. - OGSF

[Hiram Sedai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goanna:

Yeah, what he said, whatever that was. BTW we have a new sig as this made me hack up a hairball.

Nice work ya nijit Way to waste space on the thread you twitching boob.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh, where was I??

Goanna bannana fee fi fo fanna

I sure do like those twitching boobs.

------------------

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

[Hiram Sedai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng:

today my inner croda bathed...thank God.

fin<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Take your precious Peng-Time. The game we started in Elvis's basement can wait until next year. No need to rush your sacred Peng-self. No need to respond to the emails in your Peng-inbox. All of us in this thread can sit and wait because, after all, its just a big old Peng-world we live in. We wait and wonder when the Peng might visit and grace us with a comment. Perhaps we should gather our families round the computer screen to show them our hero. Peng seems like a nice gentleman, my saintly grandmother is sure to say. Whats that you say, young man? Peng was convicted of Public Drunkeness and exposure? Is this the same MRPeng that likes young boys?

*********************************************

To quote my friend...."the allies ran 80 miles of wire. What? Exactly"

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Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

[Croda]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Cromag uses a whole company to defeat a picket platoon and begins wondering when Hollywood is going to call him with script ideas. "Mister Croda, you have successfully grasped the anvil. Now it is time to meet the hammer."

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes, it's a little known trick known as "local superiority." It involves me taking 3 times as many men as you have and beating the living **** out of you. Let's analyze how it worked:

I found you with a scout platoon, then struck from 2 sides with 2 other platoons. Your men lay down in their foxholes (the ones who didn't run) and your AT gun fired AP rounds at my infantry. Net result is I believe 5 or so captured, the rest casualties. Hoe does this benefit me you ask? Well, at an extremely minimal loss to me, I have obliterated 1 platoon of your men, plus MG, plus AT team, plus 2 AT guns; I now hold the first of 3 VLs; and I have units that have not yet even seen action. Seeing as I am the attacker, I have more men than you to begin with, now I have a lot more men.

PeterNZer is learning a similar technique known as local superiority of artillery. Those treeburst 105s and 120s can really ruin your day. Ask the company he has lying in ruins in the center of the map.

VonShrapnel is beating my like the redheaded stepchild. Big ouchies there.

------------------

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! -

THIS SIG FILE BELONGS TO A COMPLETE FOO.

MR T WOULDN'T BE SO KIND AS TO WRINKLE AN EYEBROW AT THIS UNFORTUNATE BEING. PLEASE OFFER HIS PARENTS AND COHABITANTS ALL SYMPATHY POSSIBLE. MAY BE CONTAGIOUS. CONTAINS ARTIFICIAL SWEETNER, INTELLIGENCE AND WIT. STAND WELL CLEAR AND LIGHT WICK. BY ORDER PETERNZ

Damn Croda. That is one funny sig!!!

must suck to be you - Hiram Sedai

[PeterNZer]

Read that Sig of yours again little Crodaman, it's there for a reason. So you're shelling a company! Wow, i'm devistated! I only had 7500 points to spend, missing that company out of NINE is really going to hurt me. Please keep sending as much their way as you can.

AS for the rest of you. You will soon, or are feeling, in Elvis's words when he got the recent file, <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I had forgotten it was quite that bad<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

for example, people loosing to me:

Chupacabra, Elvis, Mark IV, Hiram Sedai

People drawing:

Marlow, Geier

And then there's the rest who i am in the process of setting up against.

Please. We have a weekend now. Lets get it over with and Die A Lot Now

PeterNZ

------------------

"I can be quite pleasant, you know" - Andreas

"WHERE'S THE MOAT?!" - Jon

[This message has been edited by PeterNZer (edited 12-15-2000).]

[Croda]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by a flaming idiot trying to make up for his stupid mistakes:

...I only had 7500 points to spend, missing that company out of NINE is really going to hurt me. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You miss the point, young Sheep-Shagger. The company (+ 3 HT and M8) in the center, the platoon and 2 tanks on your right, and the platoon(+) on your extreme right, are all doomed to a fiery death. That's close to 2 companies. What I'm doing is clearing the field for my armor to make a mess of you. Which of these successful attacks are you going to reinforce? You want to march a fresh company over the bodies of their comrades in the center? I bet that would go over well. You want to run through the carnage on your right? Doubtful. How about hit the left then, I certainly wouldn't expect the only unused avenue of attack. You've lost already, because if you hadn't guessed already, I have 9 companies too. How are you going to attack 9 companies with 6+?

Alt-U's are being accepted, and I'm working up one helluva sig file for you, buddy-boy!

------------------

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! -

THIS SIG FILE BELONGS TO A COMPLETE FOO.

MR T WOULDN'T BE SO KIND AS TO WRINKLE AN EYEBROW AT THIS UNFORTUNATE BEING. PLEASE OFFER HIS PARENTS AND COHABITANTS ALL SYMPATHY POSSIBLE. MAY BE CONTAGIOUS. CONTAINS ARTIFICIAL SWEETNER, INTELLIGENCE AND WIT. STAND WELL CLEAR AND LIGHT WICK. BY ORDER PETERNZ

Damn Croda. That is one funny sig!!!

must suck to be you - Hiram Sedai

[This message has been edited by Croda (edited 12-15-2000).]

[Chupacabra]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PeterNZer:

for example, people loosing to me:

Chupacabra, <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Eh?

Maybe if you'd return the file I sent you two days ago we'd find out, hmm?

------------------

Grand Poobah of the fresh fire of Heh.

[Croda]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Chupacabra:

Eh?

Maybe if you'd return the file I sent you two days ago we'd find out, hmm?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Speaking of which...my wonky guns scare you off? Send the file, goat boy!

------------------

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! -

THIS SIG FILE BELONGS TO A COMPLETE FOO.

MR T WOULDN'T BE SO KIND AS TO WRINKLE AN EYEBROW AT THIS UNFORTUNATE BEING. PLEASE OFFER HIS PARENTS AND COHABITANTS ALL SYMPATHY POSSIBLE. MAY BE CONTAGIOUS. CONTAINS ARTIFICIAL SWEETNER, INTELLIGENCE AND WIT. STAND WELL CLEAR AND LIGHT WICK. BY ORDER PETERNZ

Damn Croda. That is one funny sig!!!

must suck to be you - Hiram Sedai

[Hiram Sedai]

You two little girls need to quit fighting and fetch me a beer. Oh and a big ol bag of Cheetos.

------------------

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

[Chupacabra]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Croda:

Speaking of which...my wonky guns scare you off? Send the file, goat boy!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Er, I sent out all the turns I owed last night, did you not get it?

------------------

Grand Poobah of the fresh fire of Heh.

[Hiram Sedai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Chupacabra:

Er, I sent out all the turns I owed last night, did you not get it?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Did you not get me my beer yet?? Oh dear me.

------------------

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

[Croda]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Chupacabra:

Er, I sent out all the turns I owed last night, did you not get it?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Honestly don't think so. Resend if you can. I want to use my wonkiness to knock holes in your fleshy parts (Mister Bauhaus, do you mind?).

------------------

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! -

THIS SIG FILE BELONGS TO A COMPLETE FOO.

MR T WOULDN'T BE SO KIND AS TO WRINKLE AN EYEBROW AT THIS UNFORTUNATE BEING. PLEASE OFFER HIS PARENTS AND COHABITANTS ALL SYMPATHY POSSIBLE. MAY BE CONTAGIOUS. CONTAINS ARTIFICIAL SWEETNER, INTELLIGENCE AND WIT. STAND WELL CLEAR AND LIGHT WICK. BY ORDER PETERNZ

Damn Croda. That is one funny sig!!!

must suck to be you - Hiram Sedai

[Hiram Sedai]

Hmmm...Would 12 of you Cesspoolers please resend your surrenders because I haven't gotten them yet.

Thank you and good day.

********************************************

Be sure to check out WWW.Dictionary.com on your way out. I just love the word searches.

------------------

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

[Croda]

And Here-I-Am Shoot-Me -

The only thing you'll be getting from me is a hot lead sandwich on crusty moldy bread, with a side of shrapnel and bone shards to pick your teeth with. Now that you're a Knight (a sure sign that the Appocalypse is upon us) I feel it is my duty to beat you senseless with a toboggan (in honor of winter). Be it on your crazy menschian map, or on a normal one without pillars of fire, I shall smite you with a smitey thing large enough to smite smite itself! In fact, I plan to do so much smiting that the word smite will have to be retired from the English language for several months in order to recover from it's crazed bender of smiting. Now prepare to be smitten, Sir Sedai!

------------------

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! -

THIS SIG FILE BELONGS TO A COMPLETE FOO.

MR T WOULDN'T BE SO KIND AS TO WRINKLE AN EYEBROW AT THIS UNFORTUNATE BEING. PLEASE OFFER HIS PARENTS AND COHABITANTS ALL SYMPATHY POSSIBLE. MAY BE CONTAGIOUS. CONTAINS ARTIFICIAL SWEETNER, INTELLIGENCE AND WIT. STAND WELL CLEAR AND LIGHT WICK. BY ORDER PETERNZ

Damn Croda. That is one funny sig!!!

must suck to be you - Hiram Sedai

[Chupacabra]

Resent, lemme know if you get it. And get your own damn beer, Hiram. I swear, this Knight stuff is going to your head faster than cheap crystal meth.

------------------

Grand Poobah of the fresh fire of Heh.

[Hiram Sedai]

I suffer from premature posting.

[This message has been edited by Hiram Sedai (edited 12-15-2000).]

[Hiram Sedai]

Nothing to do with Knighthood Chuparoo Bonzai.

Its Friday

Tonight I will get:

1. My drink on

2. My grub on

3. My game on

4. My groove on

------------------

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

[Croda]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Nothing to do with Knighthood Chuparoo Bonzai.

Its Friday

Tonight I will get:

1. My drink on

2. My grub on

3. My game on

4. My groove on

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And the fantastic thing about it is that you don't need to have any other people involved to do any of the four! You're a remarkable man.

------------------

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! -

THIS SIG FILE BELONGS TO A COMPLETE FOO.

MR T WOULDN'T BE SO KIND AS TO WRINKLE AN EYEBROW AT THIS UNFORTUNATE BEING. PLEASE OFFER HIS PARENTS AND COHABITANTS ALL SYMPATHY POSSIBLE. MAY BE CONTAGIOUS. CONTAINS ARTIFICIAL SWEETNER, INTELLIGENCE AND WIT. STAND WELL CLEAR AND LIGHT WICK. BY ORDER PETERNZ

Damn Croda. That is one funny sig!!!

must suck to be you - Hiram Sedai

[Hiram Sedai]

Croda. Talk is cheap. I sent you the scenario. I wait with open inbox.

So you think you can smite this?

ahem

Can't Smite this

My Panther hits him so hard

makes him say "oh my Lord"

let me hit Alt-U

and then begin anew.

Can't Smite this

------------------

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

[This message has been edited by Hiram Sedai (edited 12-15-2000).]

[Croda]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Croda. Talk is cheap. I sent you the scenario. I wait with open inbox.

So you think you can smite this?

ahem

Can't Smite this

My Panther hits him so hard

makes him say "oh my Lord"

let me hit Alt-U

and then begin anew.

Can't Smite this

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'm sending a mail to MadMatt to see if he can get that post deleted as it is the most disgraceful thing ever to plague this board!

------------------

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! -

THIS SIG FILE BELONGS TO A COMPLETE FOO.

MR T WOULDN'T BE SO KIND AS TO WRINKLE AN EYEBROW AT THIS UNFORTUNATE BEING. PLEASE OFFER HIS PARENTS AND COHABITANTS ALL SYMPATHY POSSIBLE. MAY BE CONTAGIOUS. CONTAINS ARTIFICIAL SWEETNER, INTELLIGENCE AND WIT. STAND WELL CLEAR AND LIGHT WICK. BY ORDER PETERNZ

Damn Croda. That is one funny sig!!!

must suck to be you - Hiram Sedai