David Aitken Posted April 12, 2001 Share Posted April 12, 2001 Seanachai wrote: > (other than his musical appreciation, which remains deeply suspect. I am not quite sanguine about David's musical orientation. Having just acquired a new 'Ossian' CD this day, I feel it imperative that people like David be brought back into some sort of fold). YES!! Black Sabbath's first six record are belong to me! Now where are we... Germanboy is still in police custody, and is expecting to be released on bail in about three weeks. Elvis, despite his gamey artillery employment, the knocking out of both my tanks, and his denial of responsibility for certain of his actions, is on the verge of absolute destruction. His remaining AFV, a Hetzer, was at the end of last turn simultaneously targetted by both my Daimler AC and a PIAT from different angles. Oh, and happens to be all but surrounded by one of my platoons. My other platoon is rounding up the remnants of his infantry, which spent most of the battle running back and forth in the snow, dodging 3in mortar rounds and bullets from my Humber SC's Bren gunner. Meeks was reduced to some gamey edge-hugging with one of his armada of White SC's, as his last-ditch hope of averting doom in our meeting engagement. It received a warm welcome from my remaining 20mm SdKfz 250. He finally took out one of my Pumas with a long shot from a recoilless rifle, although I only know that through my intuition and cunning. Now I'm just wondering when the platoon on my right flank he doesn't think I've seen will recover from hay fever and DO SOMEFINK!! Leeo remains somewhere near the VL, and I remain somewhere else. Difficult to tell in the dark, really. I finally discovered that Daimler SC's weren't designed by the devil himself, after mine bounced several rounds off the front of a StuH at point-blank range before eventually coming off worse from an encounter with some large-calibre HE. Ellros doesn't know what's coming to him. Let's just say I have taken a page out of mensch's book (no, I don't mean nudie pictures, I was speaking metaphorically) in terms of force selection. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted April 12, 2001 Author Share Posted April 12, 2001 ooOOOgah, ooOOOgah, ooOOOgah Cheer up lads, 'tis to glory we steer, fret not for the Guiness for even if it departs for a while it'll be all the more sweet when it returns. Now ... ON TO THE UPDATES: PeterNZer, having gamily used MINES and the dark of night to defeat me has NOT YET revised his sig to reflect reality. I followed the rules when I lost ... Berli and I, having embarked on one disaster which was aborted since it was an AI game, have now commenced another which is likely to suffer the same fate. It's a View One ONLY, full Armor game in the NIGHT! So far my Ohio farm boys, showing the benefit that superior nutrition has on night vision, have destroyed forward recon elements ... at least I think they're forward ... it's dark at night and you can't see crap in View One anyway ... hell we may BE in Ohio for all I know. Hakko Ichiu is naught but a myth, a legend, a story used to frighten children. jd and I, having battled to yet another draw, are going to play another when he works up the nerve. Jshandorf has finally destroyed the Sdkfz 250/8 of DEATH but not before it claimed more than it's share. I am now hunkered down in the woods, guarding two VLs and daring him to advance into the hurricane of fire that awaits him. It is, unfortunately, still a close affair. Speedbump (no bolding for DSSN) has completed the first turn of Jabo! He is already demoralized and may never post here again ... I repeat ... I love it when a plan comes together. Mace and I are engaged in a View One Only Infantry brawl. I have the VL, the upper stories ... and the upper hand. Bauhaus moved his Panzers and PanzerGrenadiers confidently into the town and expected to blow the Brits away. Early turns gave him the edge, but recent events have evened the score and ... with a bit of luck in the next couple of turns, may finally turn the game in my favor. I must confess that I used unconventional tactics in my emails such as saying "Well Bauhaus, that was a powerful and massive thrust into the center of the defense as your troops plunged deep into the village again and again and again. Then, slowly and softly the arms of your forces crept up the flanks, resting tenderly on the bulges of the woods, before squeezing and probing the hidden wonders inside the treeline." He hasn't been the same since. Seanachai ... can't buy a break, I've got his forces in an iron noose and every time they try to break out they die. This one is over and he just doesn't realize it. Goanna has put up a masterful defense ... well not really, I mean you'd think that at least ONE of his pillboxes would be placed so as to put fire down on SOME of my troops. But it's getting late and I may not be able to gain the VL despite my heroic efforts. The rest of you ... are worthless swine. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamstersss Posted April 12, 2001 Share Posted April 12, 2001 I will happily create a scenario for Berli and what's his name, there's an idea I've been meaning to try. Let me know if you want such a thing, oh dark one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geier Posted April 12, 2001 Share Posted April 12, 2001 I've sodded off to the city for a bit and will not resend turns until Sunday. Tomorrow is a bit of a celebration, an anniversary if you will. It's two millennia almost since we participated in demonstrating that yes, since we are the one's with weapons, we can nail this chap to a plank if we want to. So we did. We, to coin a phrase, drove that point home. Ended up with quite a mess on our hands. Game updates: PeterNZ: Has discovered that buying lots of heavy artillery enables him to blow things up. Naturally he's resorted to adjust fire as much as possible for that extra, pimple-faced gamey effect. I'm sure I'm quite annihilated by now and will almost certainly give up really soon. Honest. Moriarty: What can I say? I don't know how he does it or what it is he's doing - I'm only sure of that it isn't working. He's a wossname, nigma, he is. The fings he does... They look good but they never are. Mark IV: Knows all there is to know about choosing really really useless tripe for scenarios. I don't know if we can be bothered to continue this one. But since we carry a deep glowing warm fuzzy cuddly hatred for each other we're bound to do something unpleasant to each other. Peng: Some of his troops is starting to trickle in on the map I'm playing on. It might end with someone actaully firing a gun soon. Maybe. )Andreas (who is secretely feared by Stuka): Is doing something other than playing. Possibly involving something with seals. Or was it sea lions? And trains that run on time I think. I forget. Ethan: Is busy trying to figure out new and imaginative ways to explain why the New Pres has welshed on the Kyoto agreement without mentioning the phrases "cost to the American industry", "sponsorship of presidential campaign" and "they own my sorry ass". Or he's fishing. He's not playing me anyway. Ahem. NO FILES TIL SUNDAY. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorak Posted April 12, 2001 Share Posted April 12, 2001 My God what is the world coming too? My co-workers decided to tape the sad Guinness news upon my monitor for me today. Lucky for me I did have a couple of pints last night after work. Tome update: Elvis-win Peng-loss Deke Fentle-win (how can a "whuppn' boy" win?) Leeo-loss (oh, that explains it.) In other news...... DAMN! I can't think of any other news! How damn Wrong is it for Irish Guinness workers to go on stike? ON fecking Easter weekend !!!! Cripes! I would rather have my eyes scraped out with Dalem's nasty ingrown toe-nails! Sigh... I'll be back later with some more useless rambling Lorak the loathed null Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillies Phan Posted April 12, 2001 Share Posted April 12, 2001 I played the Jabo! Scenario as the Allies and got a draw. Is that normal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Wildman Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 Ahh...Sir Lorak. Open thy tomb and grab thy quill. Gently, now lad! In a perfectly wasted PBEM, his evilness Berli and myself have fought to a draw. Yes, a worthless and pathetic draw. Of course, Berli was only able to pull this off, by having the only German battalion equipped soley with SMG in a large town, however, my brave and patriotic US troopers controlled enough of the town through close hand-to-kester fighting. Wildman-draw-46 Berli-draw-42 Obviously Berli has some info on Steve to allow such a thing a 46-42 be a draw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorak Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 Ahh Wildman, Tis a shame that all that fighter was for nothing. Tis noted. Wildman-draw Berli-Draw Lorak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bauhaus Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen: Originally posted by dalem: [qb]Guiness is a kind of beer, right?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> This statement is grounds for dismissal from the Mutha Beautiful Thread[/QB] I second that. Death to dalem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bauhaus Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw: ooOOOgah, ooOOOgah, ooOOOgah Bauhaus moved his Panzers and PanzerGrenadiers confidently into the town and expected to blow the Brits away. Early turns gave him the edge, but recent events have evened the score and ... with a bit of luck in the next couple of turns, may finally turn the game in my favor. I must confess that I used unconventional tactics in my emails such as saying "Well Bauhaus, that was a powerful and massive thrust into the center of the defense as your troops plunged deep into the village again and again and again. Then, slowly and softly the arms of your forces crept up the flanks, resting tenderly on the bulges of the woods, before squeezing and probing the hidden wonders inside the treeline." He hasn't been the same since. Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Every time I read that it makes me all tingly inside. Kind of like climbing a rope in gym class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbott Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 Post of the day! I hear they just acquired plans for the P3 Orion. We should just buy them from China at this point, would be cheaper.-Aloid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamstersss Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 I have just created the greatest scenario ever conceived. It is not a Crodaburgian nightmare or some Grogfest with accurate TO&E, rather it is a finely crafted model of war. I was inspired by Berli's request for a battle, so I shall send it to him, anyone else who wants it should send me an E-mail or beseech me publicly here in the Pool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 Who would like to challenge me in meeks' game? Let's here it cowards...who has the intestinal fortitude? Just what I thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted April 13, 2001 Author Share Posted April 13, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I played the Jabo! Scenario as the Allies and got a draw. Is that normal? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Normally NO ... as it was YOU playing the Allies, however ... Allow me this edit to elaborate. I thought for a moment that perhaps I'd made some terrible error in the scenario so I played the ten turn game as the Allies but just clicked through the turns without any orders with the following results: Axis: Casualties: 110 Guns Destroyed: 2 Vehicles Destroyed: 27 Final Result was, obviously, an Allied TOTAL Victory of 99 to 1. The fact that you managed a draw in that situation is really very praiseworthy ... in an obtuse, obscene and perhaps even oblong way. The lad Speedbump is still sending turns and managed to survive Turn 1 in rather good shape. He has even tumbled to the notion that staying on the road is perhaps NOT the best overall strategy. It will avail him not but shows good overall sense. His posts, while somewhat fledgling, show some glimmer of promise ... we shall see. Joe [ 04-12-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorak Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 Hey Loser....err.. Jackarse..errr.... Elvis. Since the only game we have played to date was unofficial. I wouldn't mind taking the losss I would have recieved had that one been logged. If you are Gamey..err Game Just pick a side and send me the setup. By the way. Did you ever get my reply to your e-mail on our other game? Lorak the loathed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bauhaus: ...it makes me all tingly inside. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> SIT DOWN BAUHAUS!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken: YES!! Black Sabbath's first six record are belong to me! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Damn you, you Scottish git! Just when my hate and despite for you becomes overwhelming (much like my feelings for the rest of the cess denizens), you mention another of my favorite bands. Perhaps I was too hard? Nah, stuff it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 The game file should be in your swineass mailbox Lorak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Aitken Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 Mace wrote: > you mention another of my favorite bands. Funny, I was looking at Tony Iommi's ridiculous big hair and 'tache, and thinking, "Golly, he and Mace must have been separated at birth!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorak Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 Ahhh. So Herr Declan the file has indeed arrived. I look forward to crushing your pathetic little attempts at tactics. Imagine having someone taking a grinding tool to your teeth. Then when you have only broken nubs left... that same person pulling your nerves out with needle nose pliars and pouring lemon juice in the empty pits. That sir is the pain you will feel while playing the Lorak !!! {at least thats how I feel watching my troops blunder into ambush after ambush} Lorak the loathed [ 04-12-2001: Message edited by: Lorak ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedbump Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 Having survived my first day's foray into the cess (Hey, is slime supposed to pulse?!?), I feel it is my responsibility, nay sacred duty to warn all newbies (are there any other than me?). I have started games with one Knight of Cess (Joe Shaw) and one Squire (Iskander). Lo and behold, both are gamey bastiches! Clearly part of the job description. Mister Shaw has provided me with a "balanced" scenario: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> I played the ten turn game as the Allies but just clicked through the turns without any orders with the following results: Axis: Casualties: 110 Guns Destroyed: 2 Vehicles Destroyed: 27 Final Result was, obviously, an Allied TOTAL Victory of 99 to 1. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I now know why. You have programed in laser-guided bombs (ala A-10!). Three bombs dropped - three anti-aircraft vehicles destroyed; not by shrapnel, but by direct hits. One continued rolling about 20 yards, gloriously aflame! Gamey, using Fighter-Bombers in a game called Jabo! Iskander sends me a map with a solid line of Tall Pines just past my setup zone, solid forest for over 200 yards from the first Victory Location. Might as well turn my vehicles around and send them home! Probably loaded up on Uber-troops like Fusilier, Sturm, etc. So I say, rot in that swill you call cess; for my boys will oppose your inbred gaminess by overcoming all obstacles even if all they have left is their mess kit tin and a spork! After all, you roll in smelly stuff to disguise your scent, you block-headed, pustule chomping, squid defiling, misanthropic dependent of a lab experiment. Now send me back my turns so I can glory in my impending victories! Speedbump [ 04-12-2001: Message edited by: Speedbump ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 As I remember it the last time I played Lorak I left him twitching in a pool of shame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leeo Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 Though I am loathe to bring such outer vileness into these sacred, slime- and scum-ridden halls, take a deep breath and observe the following offering from the outer boards: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Hello all you CM fanatics!!! It is the greatest game of all time! A HUGE thanks to BTS!!! I am sure this game has caused many divorces and breakups!! LOL I do have a serious question though.... I have been playing CM for a while and can not get tired of it but, When can we expect to see CM2? I have not been reading the boards lately and am not sure if i missed a posting about this. Any info would be great! A big shout out to James Thomas in Schinnen!!!!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> WTF? While an appreciation for CMBO is appropriate, what's up with the "Not sure if I missed a posting"? This only goes to prove that as hate and bile filled as is the Mutha-Beautiful Cess, there is a valid and tangible reason why we tend to clump together here in the obnoxiousness. Really, this makes me completely sick, and I'd love to flame his low-numbered, "Junior Member's" ass, but I doubt he could be lured into this ribald den of iniquity. Again, though against the nature of the Thread, I apologise for bringing this dullard's ramblings into the Cess. However, I intend it only as a lesson to those who have forgotten why this is THE Thread, and to remind all who here reside that the outer-boards contain no sign of intelligent life. Now rant on against me, as I know you must, but I welcome and revel in your vile loathings, and for every ounce of disgust you heap upon me, I am happy in the knowledge that the abuse I receive is not one part in ten to the retching feeling that overcomes me when subjected to the mewlings of the outer board simulacrums. [ 04-12-2001: Message edited by: Leeo ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted April 13, 2001 Author Share Posted April 13, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>... the outer board ... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ohhhh, The OUTER BOARD ... I like it! As to Speedbump, I will confirm that Turn 2 was more representative of the "usual" Jabo! turns ... at least while the targets last. I invite reviews by qualified CessPoolians as to his recent postings. Not bad, IMHbcO, not bad, the quip about fighter bombers in a game called Jabo was above average ... if you grade on the curve ... liberally ... and take bribes. But let's do give the lad some feedback! Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iskander Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedbump: [QB]...I have started games with one Knight of Cess (Joe Shaw) and one Squire (Iskander). Lo and behold, both are gamey bastiches!... Iskander sends me a map with a solid line of Tall Pines just past my setup zone, solid forest for over 200 yards from the first Victory Location... Now send me back my turns... [QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Cry me a friggin river, lint-boy. If'd I'd seen this bleary map I'd have outfitted my men with axes, not rifles... only Canadians {shudder} would enjoy this terrain.... And as for "send me back my turns," who sent whom a not-so-gentle reminder? Who cried like a bitch about "real life"? You disgust me... more than usual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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