MrSpkr Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 My CM:BB preview trip: All the Juicy Secrets of CM:BB Revealed* * Author’s Note: The original version of this report contained all the juicy details of CM:BB that you have been dying to see! Everything from [CENSORED] to running [CENSORED] to cool graphics details like the new [CENSORED] and of course the ultra cool [CENSORED]. However, my host, a very wise and kind man who was coincidentally a thirty-plus year retired colonel explained to me that the Non-Disclosure Agreement prohibited me from revealing any of the really cool new stuff or scenario details. Being a proud member of the legal profession, I then explained to him that I never signed a Non-Disclosure Agreement and that I planned to fully exercise the First Amendment privileges that the Founding Fathers, in their wisdom, guaranteed me in the Constitution. The Colonel reminded me that he had spent about ninety percent of his time in the service as a member of the Special Forces, that he had assured BFC that we would abide by the NDA, and that he would take it as a personal offense if I violated the agreement. He then growled and showed me his teeth. Determined not to piss him off, on purpose or otherwise, I agreed to edit out the sensitive materials. -- MrSpkr 07.27.02 0410 hours I wake up, briefly consider starting the trip to Bryan, TX, then roll back over and resume sleeping. 0615 hours I wake up, realize that I have just lost over two hours of gaming goodness, and frantically gather my necessary materials: Wallet Cash Keys Cell phone Digital Camera I then remember that clothes are a social necessity and get dressed. 0625 hours I fly out of the door, then fall to the ground after I realize that I really can’t fly all that well. 0628 hours I regain consciousness, dust myself off, and get in the car. I’m off for Bryan! 0640 hours I realize I haven’t eaten, have little cash, and stop at the nearest Wal-Mart to buy some food and get more money. 0715 hours After scouring the local Wal-Mart, I resume my odyssey. 0730 hours Dang it! I forgot to get gasoline! 0740 hours I stop at the local gas mart, fill up, then resume my trip. 0952 hours I arrive at the local CMBB shrine: the home of Col. and Mrs. Seim. I park at the curb in front of the mailbox, then rush for the door, eager to partake in the gaming spectacle. 0953 hours Mrs. Seim sends me back outside to move my car. Apparently, the local mailmen don’t like to get out of their jeeps. Sigh. 0955 hours I am now welcomed into the CMBB shrine and escorted to the inner sanctum. I find another Pilgrim, LurkerDan, has beaten me here and resides upon the single player throne! Drat! I watch LurkerDan play a scenario titled [CENSORED]. In this rather exciting scenario, LurkerDan commanded a group of tired German soldiers looking for shelter from the cold Russian winter of 1941-42. The men were veterans, but were in a [CENSORED] condition. This meant that they could not [CENSORED] very well, particularly in the snowy countryside. He also commanded some really cool armored units, including PzIII’s, a Stug, and some Czech 38t’s. All goes well until he runs into a T-34. It proceeds to blow up the Stug, then is hit about a dozen times by the remaining German tanks. The T-34 brought out one cool new feature: the Death Clock. As discussed previously on this forum, the Death Clock feature means your tanks may keep shooting at the enemy tank even after it is killed. Once you hit a tank, it may or may not show up as dead in your viewscreen. Your tactical AI will continue to target it until they know (or think) it is dead. LurkerDan’s men poured round after round into the T-34, even after it quit moving and firing. It was very fun to see, and should cut down on the absolute lethality of CM tanks by forcing the tanks to waste ammo on dead targets. I also got to see some neat new eye-candy. In the new game, whenever you fire your [CENSORED] at a target, you get to see [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] in the [CENSORED] around the [CENSORED]. I also liked the impact of [CENSORED] on the graphics. It does several things, including [CENSORED] [CENSORED], [CENSORED] [CENSORED] and [CENSORED] [CENSORED]. Truly marvelous to see. After a bit, LurkerDan destroyed the attacking Soviets and won a tactical victory. Now it was my turn! 1130 hours I decided to play a QB, as I wanted to see exactly what new changes had been made. I was not disappointed. In addition to the CMBO abilities, QBs in CMBB now allow players to load remade battle maps (as confirmed in a recent FAQ). There are some additional choices in the map generation, including the map [CENSORED], a new type of [CENSORED], and something else I thought was cool at the time but can’t remember right off hand. Maybe the fact I am typing this from the humid squalor that is South Carolina (a land of trailer parks, psychic readers, and palmetto, pine, and family trees as straight and narrow as a ruler) has something to do with that, but who knows. (Note: now that I have returned to the fresh, clean atmosphere that IS Texas, I remember that other cool QB map feature: [CENSORED] [CENSORED]. Now, when you select your other map parameters, you select how much [CENSORED] [CENSORED] the area has suffered. The more [CENSORED] [CENSORED], the more [CENSORED] and [CENSORED] [CENSORED] the map will have. It is extremely cool to do and helps get away from the nice, clean maps we have had throughout CMBO.) You get some additional options when you choose your troops, too. Now, you not only can choose the nationality (I chose the Hungarians just because I had never seen dedicated Hungarian units and their associated TO&E), you also choose their [CENSORED] [CENSORED], their [CENSORED] level, and, as mentioned previously, their [CENSORED] level. I chose Hungarian [CENSORED]. My troops were green, with some [CENSORED] [CENSORED], and 90% [CENSORED] level. Purchasing my troops was fun. I got to see the detailed organization of a minor Axis power. I also go9t to check out the new rarity factor in action. Very nice -- no more hordes of puppchens, etc.! The Hungarian uniforms were, well, not as colorful as I expected. I presume we will get more detail and mods as time goes on. I did see an incredible level of detail in the major combatant’s uniforms, including [CENSORED] on the hats and other details. In the setup, I noticed a few new things. First, the days of uniform [CENSORED] levels are gone. Now, the computer makes most of your troops the same [CENSORED] level, but some are a little better and some a little worse. I also saw the effects of [CENSORED] [CENSORED]: some of my platoons were [CENSORED] a unit or two; additionally, some of the individual units had already [CENSORED] [CENSORED]. The map contained a new terrain type: the [CENSORED]. I also got to see the new wheatfields: very cool. I wished that the Hungarians had some armor so I could see the vehicles in the wheat, but it was not to be. The map itself had a long ridge running through the middle, blocking most of my view of the Russian setup areas. There were a few [CENSORED] and some [CENSORED] houses. The terrain had obviously been fought over before! I began sorting out my troops. At this point, since I was playing the AI, I decided to give it a test. We were playing a meeting engagement, so I lined up my troops across the board in a long line and marched them all forward. By the way, the voice .wavs for the new nationalities are terrific. Of course, I don’t speak Hungarian, so they could have been ordering pizzas for all I knew. Still, they sounded great. After about seven turns of relative inactivity, my men crested the hill and were greeted by the sight of Russian Guards and Pioneers approaching the base of the hill. I began firing immediately. The Russians hit the dirt and returned fire. Here, the changes to the MG rules were VERY apparent. My inexperienced Hungarians held off a horde of veteran Russians that I was lucky enough to catch out in the open. In CMBO, the Russkis would have charged, scattered the center of my line, then rolled it up. Here, they could not advance through the hail of bullets my men poured into them. Just as I began to get cocky, I picked up three Russian armored cars coming in. My machine guns turned on them, forcing them to back off. The new vehicle [CENSORED] works very well, particularly when combined with the Death Clock. My machine gunners were unable to tell what effect they were having on the Russian AC, so they refused to switch and pick up other targets. About this time, the mortars I had targeted very early in the game FINALLY began to fire. The new artillery rules can really delay the amount of time it takes for a fire mission to arrive. I don’t know for sure, but I suspect it is tied to unit experience and nationality. By now, I was getting bored with the scenario, so I surrendered to end it. I then got to check out the effects of the new Extreme Fog of War! I got to see exactly what I was facing (and it was not exactly what I had originally thought). I also noted that the enemy units now gave accurate information regarding their kills. Very cool! Had I played this one out, I would have crushed the Russkis (I had two uncommitted platoons ready to flank his main force!) I lost 28 men; the AI, 130. 1245 hours We now played a little bit with the Scenario Design elements. We got to see the new type of [CENSORED], and I built my first factory. We also noticed a new terrain type: [CENSORED] [CENSORED]. I presume it makes vehicles bog easier, but doesn’t effect infantry. However, I didn’t really have the time to test it properly. We also loaded several different units, just to check out the graphics. Some vehicles were incomplete and represented by clown car color bit maps. However, overall we were impressed with the level of detail in the vehicles and units we examined. We also discovered how to place [CENSORED] on the map! This is a very neat feature, particularly when combined with TRPs. The new trenches and barbed wire look cool. The barbed wire is no longer in coils, but is mounted on wooden supports. Hard to describe, but neat looking. 1310 hours By now, UHduck and Stormbringer had arrived. UHDuck’s wife and young son (2, I believe) came along. I truly admire the patience this kind and beautiful woman showed for Duckie’s CMBB addiction (”Honey, you mind if I go hang out at some guy’s house this Saturday? I’ve never met him, and don’t know what kind of lifestyle or family he has, but I wanna go over and play computer games. What? Yeah, I guess you can come along . . .”). The generosity of some people never ceases to amaze me. It was truly inspiring. Anyway, I reluctantly gave up the command chair for the first hotseat match of the day: Stormbringer vs. UHDuck. They selected a nasty little scenario by the master of evil himself, Berli. On this late 1945 scenario, a bunch of King Tigers have to get through a village occupied by lots of IS-II’s. This scenario was a lot of fun. In addition to lots of chances to view the Death Clock in action, we got to [CENSORED] the new and improved CMBB [CENSORED]. Very nice! The scenario eventually ended when Stormbringer’s Soviets surrendered. I don’t remember too many other details as I was busy enjoying some goodies from Mrs. Seim (the fruit pizza was TERRIFIC!) After the match, Duckie and family had to go. Though we were saddened to see him go, it did mean more time for the rest of us to play, so we weren’t TOO saddened. 1545 hours Now it was time for LurkerDan and me. Hehehehehehe . . . I had been dying to see some partisans in action, so we cranked up a little scenario involving them. I got the partisans. Muahahahahahaha! This was my favorite scenario. The partisans have a mishmash of weapons, including German and Russian small arms, and anti-tank rifles with lots of ammo! This was going to be fun! I set up my men, then waited for him to get a lot closer. I opened up with my ATRs and discovered why ATRs are not a major part of any modern combatants armory: they suck! I got hit after hit, penetration after penetration, and did not kill a single German armored vehicle. I did, however, toast all of their trucks and a kubelwagon, so that was worthwhile. We also got to see the new [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] in action. It really increases the pucker factor, particularly in exit scenarios like this one. You really don’t know [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]! Finally, I noticed something about the partisans: they hide exceptionally well in the forests. I hid a reinforced platoon in some woods and LurkerDan passed half of his convoy within 20m of my units without ever seeing them – until my men opened fire, that is. A nice bonus for the partisans that is representative of the attention to detail BTS has placed in this game. The game ended a total victory for me. LurkerDan forgot it was an exit scenario (at least, he SAYS he forgot) and so I won because of the number of units he had left on the board. 1835 hours Stormbringer and I play a factory scenario. The factories are pretty cool - think BIG building with 75m-100m lines of sight inside – but the best part is when you blow up part of the factory. The new rubble tiles look much cooler in the game than they do in the screen shots the Bald One has released. Also, when you bring down a building, you get a [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]! I used the [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] to [CENSORED] my attacking troops! A pretty neat concept. Some limitations I noticed included the fact you could not set up or move vehicles into the factory. That was a bit of a disappointment. I did not have the opportunity to see if the same was true of support guns (AT's and IG's). 2145 hours LurkerDan prepares to leave. I play the part of the cool and concerned husband, just calling to check in on my wife. That facade collapses when she realizes that I haven’t even left Bryan yet and I am supposed to be home in the next ten or fifteen minutes. I promise to leave posthaste. 2150 hours I decide I can play ‘just a few more turns’ of a scenario and have some fun with a night attack on a German rear echelon force. The night battles are pretty cool. I got to see the new faux [CENSORED] [CENSORED]. It isn’t true [CENSORED] [CENSORED], but it gives the appearance of it pretty well. I play until I lose three T-34s in one turn and decide it is time to leave. 2230 hours I head for home. 07.28.02 0130 hours I arrive home to find all my bedding on the couch. After some begging and groveling, I am once again allowed to sleep in my own bedroom. Final thoughts I have intentionally avoided mentioning specifics about other new features, such as the new armor commands (I really like [CENSORED] and [CENSORED]), or the new infantry moves and tactics, such as [CENSORED]. However, trust me when I say that you will all enjoy them quite a bit. Armor command and control is present; however, I did not play with it enough to see what impact it might have (Stormbringer did complain that it took FOREVER for his T-34s to follow orders in the factory scenario, though). Oh yes – the super secret screenshot! Look for that tomorrow night, along with pics about the day! Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thomm Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 What a nice puzzle!!! Wild guessing, I insert: Also, when you bring down a building, you get a CLOUD OF DUST! I used the CLOUD OF DUST to HIDE my attacking troops! A pretty neat concept. The night battles are pretty cool. I got to see the new faux DYNAMIC LIGHTING. It isn't true DYNAMIC LIGHTING, but it gives the appearance of it pretty well. I play until I lose three T-34s in one turn and decide it is time to leave.Either somebody is severly pissed off now or laughing his behind off! Either way, the customers will win! Regards, Thomm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juardis Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 Hmmmmm, and all that without an edit. Very [CENSORED] job Steve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LGMB Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 We'll, what can I say: sounds like one heck load of a lot of [CENSORED]. I can't wait to [CENSORED] this game it looks [CENSORED]. Man, I [CENSORED] [CENSORED] game bad... Oh yah, and a [CENSORED] review Steve! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruno Weiss Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 You know, this is pure [bleep]. First, the Gamespot peepshow, now this censored [bleep]. What is this non-disclosure [bleep]? I bet the [bleep] New York Times could get ahold of it. Secret military plans turn up in the newspaper ever day, but a [bleep] sneak peek at the [bleep]BB is [bleep] forbidden. Where's Harvey Pitts when ya need his [bleep]. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monty Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 MrSpkr, you [CENSORED] [CENSORED] No, just kidding Thanks for the preview trip story ! Monty aka Moose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted July 30, 2002 Author Share Posted July 30, 2002 Originally posted by Rollstoy: Either somebody is severly pissed off now or laughing his behind off! Either way, the customers will win! Regards, ThommI'll never tell. Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrAlimantado Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 Steve, if I were your wife, I would not have let you back into the bedroom. But then on the other hand, if I were your wife, my guess is that you would not have married me. Despite all the [CENSORED], the preview was superb. Thanks a lot. M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seimer Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 MrSpkr-- you are a credit to your profession. You are welcome anytime to return to the scene of your triumphs and I'd hope that we'd be able to exchange volleys of tank fire across the steppes sometime soon. BTW-- you guys left some of the fruit pizza behind but I took care of that oversight <grin> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Splinty Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 [censored]! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L.Tankersley Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 My attempt to fill in the blanks: Originally posted by MrSpkr: The men were veterans, but were in a leisurely condition. This meant that they could not relax very well, particularly in the snowy countryside. I also got to see some neat new eye-candy. In the new game, whenever you fire your gun at a target, you get to see flying body parts in the area around the impact. I also liked the impact of motion blur on the graphics. It does several things, including thrashing the CPU, hiding texture errors and causing eyestrain. Truly marvelous to see. (Note: now that I have returned to the fresh, clean atmosphere that IS Texas, I remember that other cool QB map feature: macroeconomic modeling. Now, when you select your other map parameters, you select how much economic hardship the area has suffered. The more economic hardship, the more homeless and street vendors the map will have. It is extremely cool to do and helps get away from the nice, clean maps we have had throughout CMBO.) You get some additional options when you choose your troops, too. Now, you not only can choose the nationality (I chose the Hungarians just because I had never seen dedicated Hungarian units and their associated TO&E), you also choose their ability scores, their fighter level, and, as mentioned previously, their magic-user level. The Hungarian uniforms were, well, not as colorful as I expected. I presume we will get more detail and mods as time goes on. I did see an incredible level of detail in the major combatant’s uniforms, including propellers on the hats and other details. In the setup, I noticed a few new things. First, the days of uniform discipline levels are gone. Now, the computer makes most of your troops the same neatness level, but some are a little better and some a little worse. The map contained a new terrain type: the slag heap. I also got to see the new wheatfields: very cool. I wished that the Hungarians had some armor so I could see the vehicles in the wheat, but it was not to be. The map itself had a long ridge running through the middle, blocking most of my view of the Russian setup areas. There were a few gopher holes and some hobbit houses. The terrain had obviously been fought over before! Just as I began to get cocky, I picked up three Russian armored cars coming in. My machine guns turned on them, forcing them to back off. The new vehicle alarm works very well, particularly when combined with the Death Clock. My machine gunners were unable to tell what effect they were having on the Russian AC, so they refused to switch and pick up other targets. We also noticed a new terrain type: tar pits. I presume it makes vehicles bog easier, but doesn’t effect infantry. However, I didn’t really have the time to test it properly. We also discovered how to place targets on the map! This is a very neat feature, particularly when combined with TRPs. This scenario was a lot of fun. In addition to lots of chances to view the Death Clock in action, we got to crash the new and improved CMBB interface. Very nice! The scenario eventually ended when Stormbringer’s Soviets surrendered. We also got to see the new annual prostate exam in action. It really increases the pucker factor, particularly in exit scenarios like this one. You really don’t know what's going on down there! The factories are pretty cool - think BIG building with 75m-100m lines of sight inside – but the best part is when you blow up part of the factory. The new rubble tiles look much cooler in the game than they do in the screen shots the Bald One has released. Also, when you bring down a building, you get a way cool powerup! I used the heat shrink gun to laminate my attacking troops! A pretty neat concept. The night battles are pretty cool. I got to see the new faux aurora borealis. It isn’t true atmospheric ionization, but it gives the appearance of it pretty well. I play until I lose three T-34s in one turn and decide it is time to leave. I have intentionally avoided mentioning specifics about other new features, such as the new armor commands (I really like naptime and goat rodeo), or the new infantry moves and tactics, such as hope. However, trust me when I say that you will all enjoy them quite a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thomm Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 Lord, I needed that laugh! Thanks a lot, Thomm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vergeltungswaffe Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 ROTFL LT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ex Bellator Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 Double bonus thread! A great preview and one of the funniest posts ever. Cheers Mr. S. & L. T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gpig Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 Pee'd my pants! Ahhhh! FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY!!! Heh heh. Hobbit houses. Propellors. Hope. That one was the best. Gpig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benpark Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 Better than Mad Libs!!! Thanks, great sneak peek. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoopenfaust2 Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 creative,comedic bastiches. LOL Cheers for the preview. I think we all know how to fill in those blanks. BFC take your time. Make it October 20th if you need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L.Tankersley Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 Originally posted by Gpig: Propellors.That's what started me off. Hope."Hope" is NOT a TTP! [ July 30, 2002, 03:02 PM: Message edited by: L.Tankersley ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desertor Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 He he ehe ehehehhehhh there is always Hope Ehem I couldn't resist... I also got to see some neat new eye-candy. In the new game, whenever you fire your [small arms?] at a target, you get to see [bullets?] [laying dust lanes?] in the [ground?] around the [enemy?]. I also liked the impact of [wind?] on the graphics. It does several things, including [waving?] [trees?], [pushing?] [smoke?] and [fliying?] [snow?]. Truly marvelous to see. :confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EHL Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 Goat rodeo. Some sick [CENSORED] will probably post a mod somewhere to that effect. (I'd like to see it - hee hee!) - I would like to see a "Do Taxes" or "Meditate" command. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobVarak Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 Uh oh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LGMB Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 That some great laughs.... "Magic User Levels" did it in for me... Still laughing.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pak40 Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 Quick, somebody send a copy of this to Ad Libs for publishing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew H. Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 Originally posted by L.Tankersley: My attempt to fill in the blanks: I think that is the funniest thing I have ever read on this board. I had tears in my eyes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HawkerT Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 For crying out loud fellars (tears streaming from eyes)... stop before I poop my pants! First the wonderful sneak preview, and then Tankersley outdoes himself ... absolutely marvelous. After calming down slightly I started reading the hug thread and cracked up completely when reading Joseph Porta's signatue TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that you're in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle. My god ... the only feasable solution to the TURD BURGLAR problem would be drilling and exercicing the art of "powerdumping" thus minimizing the potential exposure time. Thank you guys. Your efforts are invaluable. I cant think of a better medicine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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