The Memorial Ascent of Peng Challenge (Elev. 40,000-1/2 ft.)

[Slapdragon]

Originally posted by Noba:

Posted by my Liege, Slapdragon:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />And Noba. As winner of the great legal battle between good and evil, prepare to be knighted young Paduan. Write a nice long and very wicked jab at some idiot here in this slime hole and I will challenge you to your first game.

So many Idiots. So little time.

ps. My Lord, my original path to Knighthood goes well. The forces of AJ do almost be auto-surrendering in the awfull joust.

pps. Yeknod, how do you get your legs shaved so smoothly...? or was it wax ?

Noba.</font>

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Lars:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Persephone:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Lars:

They gazed up at the lofty summit, awed by the mighty bastion which reared its majestic head against the cloudless sky...

...and to their horror saw a strange man in a dress singing and twirling around on the mountain top.

Persephone</font>

[Croda]

Originally posted by dalem:

So that's why I hate Croda.

And right you should, laddy. Right you should.

Let me tell you all a little story about a dog named (ironically enough) Bastard Spawn of dalem.

This little dog has very little luck, as it's name would imply.

To date, it has lost both ears, its tail, three toes from it's left front paw, 4 teeth, and a significant chunk of its spleen - all wagered on losses between its owner and The Nefarious Legion of Croda.

All of these chunks hang above my mantle (right next to the balls that Persephone is hiding from Berli as chance may have it). They once held a place of honor as a tactile reminder of the multitudinous topplements of the Nefarious Legion over one sad sack of a dalem.

Now...the ears sag, the tail droops, and the spleen is drying out, much like the joy of dangling victory before dalem's nose like a needle before a junkie. What once felt like hard fought and well deserved victories, now feels more like feeling up an A-Cup - just leaves me empty-handed.

I'm considering giving the parts back, is all. To what do they avail me now? Sad relics of a bygone age. Perhaps I'll pass them down my lineage and let the hungrier pups decide what to do with them.

Perhaps I'll just win the whole dog and sell him.

Ya, sure, and perhaps dalem will beat me some day!!!!

HAR!

[Simon Elwen]

Goodness What a busy day .

Note to Sir Mace

Sheep pen raked

sheep crutched

Fluffy deflyed

Flock dedagged

Fence repaired

Sword polished and sharpened

Lady Kitty's litter tray topped up

The too warm beer disposed of 'hic'

The too cold beer disposed of ''belch'

tell Lord Berli he is evil he likes that . "You are EVIL oh great one" .

Oh there's more , The 3 stooges........

Captain Queeg Milan ? Frankfurt ? Death in Venice for you , Make your choice

The Shirker Pay attention to your masters quest You are to be green Ami's Or old Volks , I can be whatever I like , Make your choice.

Farmer Harvthe one from Saskatchewan , the place that sounds like the criminal offence it ought to be . I will sow you lands with salt . Your flocks will be mine . Make your choice .

Even added together the above don't make one stooge , Still to all they will have the shame of victory thrust upon them . They will be mocked and scorned by men . Women will shun them and the children throw stones at them , every door will be closed against them , their masters will turn away from them and they will be outcast , for defeat is mine .

and just enough time to have five minutes staring at my masters sheep costume before bed

[Joe Shaw]

ooOOOgah, ooOOOgah, ooOOOgah!

{tap, tap, tap}

Harv: All be upstanding for the official game update by my most illustrious and {'scuse me Sire, can't quite read this one here ...}

Joe: Benevolent ...

Harv: Really? Would that mean I get more than porridge for dinner tonight then? Oh well ... Benevolent Liege Lord, the Knight Champion of the M.B.T., the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread and the CessPool Drain Commissioner, Sir Joe Shaw. I'm not going to have to read that all the time am I sire? Working on a farm is hard work and I need to keep as much of my lunch down as I can.

Joe: Shush, oh ... don't forget the paper for tonight, 21 pages single spaced on why Nac4 is a retarded idiot.

Rumors of the cessation of CM play on my part are false and anyone spreading such rumors is a poo-poo head. On to the game updates:

Mace and I are playing an Andreas spawned piece of errent nonsense that has been going on forever with damned little to show for it. Oh sure, he's killed a halftrack or two but he has those bloody great Stuarts donchaknow. He may try to spout some nonsense about me taking a month to return his turn ... like he deserves better.

Wildman can't see any troops in the dark ... and the fog ... so he's going around merrily blowing up houses just on general principals. Of course he's Air Force so the concept of collateral damage is a pretty vague one that mostly defines anything within 250m as "dead on target". Thank Gawd none of the houses have red crosses on them or he'd interpret them as "aiming points". He's a swine and no error. Still fairly early days on this one too.

Agua Perdido, my former loyal and trustworthy squire before my current loyal and trustworthy squire Harv (although Agua Perdido was always a bit more loyal and trustworthy than any of my squires) has fallen on hard times and has been forced to rely on the old "Send him a file that you know will 'beep' on him and then claim it's all HIS fault" trick ... {sniff} ... does a Knight's heart good to see his lessons used to good purpose.

Speaking of {sniff}, I recently sent an email to my team at work in which I used {SOB!} when informed that this week's conference call had been cancelled. I was called on the carpet for inappropriate language since they thought I'd said ... well ... S.O.B.

There's no place like the CessPool, lads, enjoy it while you can.

Joe

[ May 28, 2002, 04:24 PM: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[dalem]

Originally posted by Croda:

I'm considering giving the parts back, is all.

Never!! I will claim these parts on the battlefield of honor, though I be reduced to Roberta Flack trucks and Gamey Jeep Rush Limbaughs!!

[kirk]KAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!![/kirk]

[Goanna]

Umm, Goanna, next time you're in Melbourne:

ii) wear that dress;

349.2) put a paper bag over you head;

XX) let's do dinner!

Mace

You got it baby. I assume that you plan to treat me to a Geelong match prior to any other activities and that I can leave the diamond necklace at home as you will have some pearls for me to wear?

[Slapdragon]

My major complaint is the complete lack of modelling for flatulence in the game. Flatulence effects all soldiers because of the poor food they consume, effecting accuracy, causing fellow soldiers to become casualties, and giving away positions to the enemy. I have never heard an audio track with a fart in it at all. Lots of damn bird, but no good crack butt horns.

I suspect BTS, especially Steve, are just out to screw us all by ignoring how human produced gas effects the battlefield. Every unit should have a "flatula" level that acts like a morale level, and effects all aspects of the unit's performance. Plus there should be a chance for a "critical injury" from flatulence in enclosed places. Imagine this -- the commander of a tank is standing in the turret and lights one off right into the face of the loader and gunner. This could conceivably wound or kill both men, and possibly cause the fuel or ammo to go off. The unit can break from stench, and would then need to rally. Of course, there is no way the author of the stench will effect a rally, so it will have to be a non-farting member of a higher echelon.

Just a little crosspost. By the way, I hear they are going to grow some Tasmanian Tigers from the cells of a stuffed animal. I understand the goal is to give the Aussies a chance to be the only people to cause a single animal species to go extinct twice. Think of it, an Aussie park where each week a new Tiger is born, and you can pay good money to fire a .577 Tyranas Rifle at it and be added to the list of people who have cacked the "last living member of a species". Along with the goofs who they found ate the last carrier pigeon and the sailor that clubbed the last Dodo to make a hat band.

[Goanna]

I tried to stay away, but the voyeur in me just had to look. What is it about these running HMG threads that draw us like moths to our flaming doom? I think it must be the promise of actually finding out something worthwhile, or just the vicarious joy of watching some clod get the boot. In any case, I went, I saw and I found. See, it turns out the Capt is not only the secret love child of Abigail van Buren and Chopper Reid, but also apparently a self admitted MARKETING SLIMEBALL (oooo, I want, I want). So, without further ado, and assuming his slippery carcass has not been shackled to something solid already by one of my peers, I would like to claim this vile creature as my second squire. Apparently the first, von Schrad, was stillborn, or the van is broken down somewhere.

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Goanna:

I tried to stay away, but the voyeur in me just had to look. What is it about these running HMG threads that draw us like moths to our flaming doom? I think it must be the promise of actually finding out something worthwhile, or just the vicarious joy of watching some clod get the boot. In any case, I went, I saw and I found. See, it turns out the Capt is not only the secret love child of Abigail van Buren and Chopper Reid, but also apparently a self admitted MARKETING SLIMEBALL (oooo, I want, I want). So, without further ado, and assuming his slippery carcass has not been shackled to something solid already by one of my peers, I would like to claim this vile creature as my second squire. Apparently the first, von Schrad, was stillborn, or the van is broken down somewhere.

You stupid idiot, if you'd actually read this thread from beginning to end (granted it WOULD take you longer, having to sound out all the big words and all) you'd learn that CM Player, who is ALSO a stupid idiot, took this clown to Squire some time ago. Berli and I were against it from the start on the basis of The_Capt (Gawd, that just looks WRONG) being ANOTHER stupid idiot. And no I can't be bothered with the link, go look it up yourself.

I'm thinking seriously of proposing another rule amendment that would allow the group as a hole some sort of say in who gets to be Squire and who doesn't. It just isn't right that any idiot of a Knight with a serious buzz on can virtually guarantee that some clown will eventually be made Knight too!

I will admit, however, that his posts to the Nic-at-Night thread (whatever) have been a hell of a lot better than anything he's posted here, but he still has to answer for his Feckin' post and I haven't seen much contrition so far from him. And CM Player is apparently applying more of that lax Swedish discipline (i.e. none at all) and letting him get away with it. Where's the ***BOOT***? Where's the "instruction"? No wonder Sweden's been relegated to a Scandahoovian country, if they'd had proper discipline they'd be Mediterannean by now.

Joe

[Lorak]

Dear Berli!

This thread just gets worse...

Now for all the SSN's, and the_Capt, and anyone dumb enough to read a running machine gun thread.

I give you the Cesspool's collective view on your intelligence.

The ruling

Lorak

[ May 28, 2002, 07:42 PM: Message edited by: Lorak ]

[Lars]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

It just isn't right that any idiot of a Knight with a serious buzz on can virtually guarantee that some clown will eventually be made Knight too!

But, but, but what about tradition? You really think I (or anyone else) post here sober?

{and you’re ignore the possibilities of what a group of drunk Kniggets would do, and it wouldn’t be pretty, let me tell you}

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Persephone:

Yeknod, sharing his lunch of dandelions with his favorite lady, Julie.

Persephone

I...I...ahhahahahahaha. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHA! AHAHAHAHHHAAAAAAAAHHHAAAHHAAAHHAAA! Heheheheheh.

Julie Andrews. Yeknod. The flowers. The Ears. It works on so many levels!

Thank you, Persephone. I can go on, now.

Alright, you boisterous lot of protruberances on the bum of a toad, I've almost got the computer back. and I'm starting to get caught up. Except on turns, of course, where everything yet hangs in the balance.

[Harv]

My oh so great and bena...bano...bani...very kind sirness the porridge was most tasty again. Thank you so much for the extra water I received with it this evening.

My foe Look-e-here is proving to be a truely gamey and tricky bastage. He has managed to extricate himself from the ambush he sprang (sprung?) on my shaven armpit Saskatchewanianites before I was able to get them to die quickly and painfully, and now has resorted to mind games in order to make me win.

Ha, little does he know that mind games cannot ever work on me, any more than they could ever affect [willnotbold]The_Capt[/willnotbold], and I shall be losing fifthwith.

For your own safety, always remember ... Stupid Idiots In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear.

[Seanachai]

The sun beats down on a hard, dry, endless bit of nothingness. Two figures are seated on logs, which occasionally, when the waves of heat writhe up in obscuring distortion, appear to be short lawn chairs. They are leaning forward, elbows on knees, studying something at their feet. One is a dark figure of pure flame, under the light of the sun, and the other is an unkempt, aging figure with a stick in it's hand.

Berli Poke it again.

the other leans forward and prods with the stick

Seanachai Same as before.

Berli Poke it again.

Seanachai Lad, it's the same every time. It doesn't seem to like it, it hisses and spits, and it flips me off.

Berli Poke it again.

Seanachai Is there a point to this?

Berli I enjoy it.

Seanachai That's it?!

Berli I don't ask that much.

Seanachai That's true.

leans forward and jab's with the stick. They both observe for a moment in silence.

Berli No cursing, that time.

Seanachai You're right.

Berli Is the stick sharp enough?

Seanachai You sharpened it yourself. I figured that meant gruesomely sharp.

Berli Let me see it.

the Stick is handed back and forth

Berli That's sharp. Why does it keep jumping about?

Seanachai Well, hell, probably because I keep jabbing it with this Stick!

Berli No. I mean: why doesn't it just go away? How bloody stupid is it, that it just keeps letting you jab it with the Stick?

Seanachai Ah, I see! Well, Berli, he wants to be here.

Berli Why?

Seanachai Oh, all the usual reasons, I'm sure. The camraderie, the humour, the taunting. The Challenge, in fact. I believe this one wanted to 'be King'.

Berli 'King'?

Seanachai Yes, I believe I remember seeing him posturing about becoming our 'King'.

Berli We don't have 'kings'.

Seanachai Well, no. Just the Olde Ones, and such. Totally different thing, of course.

Berli So he thinks he's going to be our 'king'?

Seanachai Well, probably not. It's one of those poses; like Slapdragon's 'Ronin Squire' pose, or Panzer Leader's 'I'm Not Insane' thing.

Berli Poke him again.

Seanachai sighs, then leans forward and jabs energetically with the stick. They both observe for a while in silence.

Berli That was different.

Seanachai By the gods, you're right! He was much more amusing that time!

Berli Poke him again!

Seanachai Maybe it's too soon?

Berli Give me the stick, then.

Seanachai Alright, alright! I'll give him a jab. I always did like 'Pippu the Sock Puppet'. Did you ever read those?

Berli Shut up and poke him.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by The_Capt:

Dear Peng

Now to Seanachi or however you spell your name.

Try reading my posts and you may actually learn something...

Yes, I have. I've learned to thank all the gods each and every day, that they blessed me with wit and intelligence, and a Bloody Sense of Humour!

Likewise, while they were Elevating Me Above All Other Humans, that they didn't turn me into a useless, arrogant, otherwise funny son-of-a-bitch WHO COULDN'T STAND A LITTLE INSTRUCTION!

And each and every night, before I went off to sleep, I thought about what a piss poor stupid world it would be if even the Bards, Storytellers, Humourists, Satirists, and Comics were so fecking useless that they couldn't distinguish between their own ego and making a good joke.

And then, of course, I send out a half dozen heartfelt apologies, a couple to the gods, and the rest to people I might have come down too hard on.

Now, lad, my only question is:

When are you going to apologize to the gods?

[ May 28, 2002, 10:44 PM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Lars]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

When are you going to apologize to the gods?

His mother does every day.

[Stuka]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

[When are you going to apologize to the gods?

Starting with me, of course.

[Panzer Leader]

Hey, I'm not insane!

Wait... sorry, I am insane.

Tee-hee.

[Moriarty]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Berli and I were against it from the start on the basis of The_Capt (Gawd, that just looks WRONG) being ANOTHER stupid idiot.

Joe

If Berli and Joe Shaw are both against it, then I'm for it.

Since when did being just another idiot preclude one's squireship? If that's the standard, we'd better just close this thing up and all go find a nice, cozy Bren tripod thread in which to fester.

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Goanna:

<font size ="-1">So, without further ado, and assuming his slippery carcass has not been shackled to something solid already by one of my peers, I would like to claim this vile creature as my second squire.</font>

You stupid idiot, if you'd actually read this thread from beginning to end (granted it WOULD take you longer, having to sound out all the big words and all) you'd learn that CM Player, who is ALSO a stupid idiot, took this clown to Squire some time ago.</font>

[Joe Shaw]

{fAX Cover ****E} Moriarty, please be assured that I value your judgement on this matter of importance and would request that you submit a paper on your proposal outlining your thoughts ... BOTH OF THEM you moron! The first being "Golly I think I need to go pee-pee" and the second being "Oppsie ... never mind." Leave the thinking to your betters, which should provide us with a VAST pool from which to choose.

{#2 Pencil} Berli your anarchistic ways will be the death of the M.B.T. ... just wait and see if they're not. This thread is damned fortunate to have me around to provide a note of sanity and logic. Olde Ones ... they're not what they used to be.

Goanna you may NOT take The_Capt {shudder} to Squire, it's simply not on ... of course the Hole concept of him being a Squire isn't on either but I'm just one man. I'll fight against the tide until my dying day to preserve this, The One The True CessPool. Let him recant his evil ways and we'll see but until then ... NO SQUIRE FOR YOU!

Joe

[dalem]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

... but I'm just one man.

I thought you were a star-nosed mole.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

{fAX Cover ****E} Moriarty, please be assured that I value your judgement on this matter of importance and would request that you submit a paper on your proposal outlining your thoughts ... BOTH OF THEM you moron! The first being "Golly I think I need to go pee-pee" and the second being "Oppsie ... never mind." Leave the thinking to your betters, which should provide us with a VAST pool from which to choose.

{#2 Pencil} Berli your anarchistic ways will be the death of the M.B.T. ... just wait and see if they're not. This thread is damned fortunate to have me around to provide a note of sanity and logic. Olde Ones ... they're not what they used to be.

Goanna you may NOT take The_Capt {shudder} to Squire, it's simply not on ... of course the Hole concept of him being a Squire isn't on either but I'm just one man. I'll fight against the tide until my dying day to preserve this, The One The True CessPool. Let him recant his evil ways and we'll see but until then ... NO SQUIRE FOR YOU!

Joe

I have a bloody f'ing question on all this.

When did CMPlayer become a Knight?

And who sprinkled him with the Holy Urine of Approval?

I mean, I vaguely remember someone taking the pseudo-Swede lackwit as a Squire, and I remember telling myself to remember to bold his bloody name, but I can't remember him being made Knight, and I can't remember who took him on as Squire in the first place.

Could we, just for convenience sake, institute some sort of Welsh 'Naming' convention?

I mean, could Knights and Squires append some sort of acknowledgement of their history?

By example:

Lars ap Shaw, or Noba ap Slapdragon ap Berli, or some other system by which 'descent' is acknowledged. I mean, we're starting to get bloody 'Houses' here. It's like a bloody Shakespearian play, but without the cliff notes (for myself, I usually have to call Persephone to get these things sorted out.)

For myself, I'd like a quick reference as to who to praise, who to blame.

Anyone else here notice how many sodding Squires Shaw's given the nod to, how many of the stupid bastards have worked out quite well, and how many of them have taken Squires of their own?

The bloody Justicar is on his way to some sort of Dynasty.

This just can't be right.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by dalem:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

... but I'm just one man.

I thought you were a star-nosed mole.</font>