Nidan1 Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 Have you noticed that people drive like lunatics today....not me or you...but those other people . The ones who do not follow any rules of courtesy or safety and think that they own the road and you are in their way? Yesterday morning, I had two incidents on my way to work. I leave at 0530 and I have a 45 mile run to get to work. I usually hope that the stress and frustration not start until I actually arrive at work, but lately the gods have conspired to make my day stressful and unlivable from the moment I step outside my door. Well yesterday, I am sitting at the light on an intersection about five blocks from my house, now mind you the road is fairly empty at that hour. I see this maroon coming up behind me, moving pretty fast, and I say to myself "this maroon is coming up behind me pretty fast". Then I say to myself "this maroon is not stopping" and I brace for impact. He passes me on the right without ever slowing down, and breezes through the red light like it was only meant for me. The light turned green maybe 20 seconds later, and I'm wondering to myself, what was in that guy's heart of darkness. Maybe he wanted to be first on the 7-11 coffee line, or maybe he had a death wish, I just don't want to be involved in some stranger's stupidity, but lately it has become unavoidable. I get on the Long Island Expressway, which on a good day resembles the Highway of Death from Kuwait City to Basra. There is so much debris, that if you could stop and collect everything you could make a fortune in scrap and used car parts. Not to mention the giant construction trucks, that travel at 80 mph spewing rocks and sand in their paths, as they transport landfill and other junk. I am almost at my exit, when I see a guy pull out of the right lane onto the exit lane on the far right. Now I say to myself, "he could be getting off at the exit, or he could be attempting to use the empty lane to gain a lead on the traffic" I watch him carefully, as he pulls nearly along side me, I know now he is not getting off, he floors it and cuts me off, nearly broadsiding me, before he runs out of lane. He achieved his goal however, he got in front of me, and then proceeds to fly across four lanes of traffic into the far left lane. Oh how I wish I was driving an M1A1, with one of those big honking plows, with the big teeth, and the tiger eyes painted on them. Luckily, I am a mild mannered guy, not prone to violence or road rage. I swallow the insults daily, and try not to take it out on my fellow employees when I get to work. [ May 29, 2004, 05:58 PM: Message edited by: Nidan1 ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nidan1 Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 Originally posted by Kobal2: Haven't you ever heard the saying "size doesn't matter, it's how you use it" ? Don't ever believe that Mon Amis that may be true in France, but not here. [ May 29, 2004, 05:58 PM: Message edited by: Nidan1 ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 Originally posted by rleete: ... and would involve tears and flowers?Well stop crying, and be a MAN! *slap, slap* Sorry, but it had to be done. Mace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kobal2 Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 OK, first, of course it's not true. It's just something women tell men to comfort them in their abnomalies and weaknesses, as anybody who knows the woman soul like the average Frenchman does would know. But then again, you're part of that inferior, ignorant, macho and self-worth persuaded crowd that calls themselves Americans, and that the more magnanimous among us call "putains de Ricains" (mind you, the rest of us use harsher words). Was worth a try, wasn't it ? To top that, you *do* know that in France, calling anyone "Mon ami" when you haven't know him for at least 15 years is an implicit declaration of "One of my relatives and/or accomplices is right behind you and is preparing to stab your kidneys and steal your wallet as I speak", don't you ? That or "Have you ever heard of this wonderfull set of encyclopaedias I offer you FOR FREE if you'll only sign this receipt and buy this 25.509$ origami car ?" In other words, in France, anybody who utters the words is shot on sight. Just like McDonald's people. This might just be a Grand Declaration of War, you uncouth kulak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 *sets up deck chair, grabs a beer and settles down* Now, this is going to be interesting. Mace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Weird. Why do I suddenly smell Cherry Kool-Aid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nidan1 Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Originally post by Kobal2: snip ...the more magnanimous among us call "putains de Ricains" (mind you, the rest of us use harsher words). Was worth a try, wasn't it ?....snip First of all I'm not Puerto Rican, I am however of German ancestry, you know what that means don't you Mein Freund ? Watch your words with me you Gallic Goose, or I will use my ancestral influence to rile up your Teutonic neighbors. BTW how do you Frenchies get to your women's souls through all that armpit hair? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kobal2 Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 I'm half-Alsacien. We don't care about "Zee Geurmans". We'll always buy them out with white wine and storks and anything shiny. And I'm also half-Auvergnat. Which means, we'll always kick their arses of our Massif Central. Ever wondered why they stopped halfways during that little 41-44 stint of theirs ? Auvergne, sod. Auvergne is the answer. No one would assault a place where you're always under threat of being blundgeonned to death with dried pigs entrails. Mind you, even with all those hick ancestries I consider myself 100% Parisian - ancestry is all very well, but it's just not *who* you are. If all else fails... we'll send in the "Chôlie Matames". You should know, your Kraut ancestors *must* have told you about "Parisse bedides fâmmes". And believe me, your ancestors never minded the armpit hair. Which might tell you something about "Zee Geurmans". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nidan1 Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Is this what you are talking about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kobal2 Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Besides, military-wise, we'd smash Zee Geurmans anytime. Mainly by surprise. I mean, our main aircraft carrier can't get out of port if there's a single gust of wind, and it's aircrafts can't dust off because it's too short for them. Now THAT's a strategical surprise. EDIT : Hmmm...no, not exactly. I don't think any of us would go as far as to think of that right-wing dumbo Alliot-Marie (or is that Chirac's wife ? I can't quite tell.) as a woman...but sh..he...IT might fool grunts enough. [ May 29, 2004, 07:03 PM: Message edited by: Kobal2 ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nidan1 Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 You don't recognize Jaques? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted May 30, 2004 Author Share Posted May 30, 2004 Korncob... Let me get this straight...you say you're half Alsacian...that's like a German Shepherd, right? And also half of some kind of gnat??? You don't get many dates, do you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kobal2 Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 @Nidan1 : Now that you mention it, I do. And he could work too. The sucker could sweet-talk his way out of a Soviet Gulag while at the same time lining his pockets with the guards' spare change. Not that I like him in any way, but you've got to admire his way of staying in power when every one knows he's a crook. Kind of an Arsène Lupin-like feat, really. @Boo Radley : You know why it's called a French kiss ? Because only the bloody French know how to do it prop'ly. But perhaps you guys call it Freedom Kiss these days ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Originally posted by Nidan1: I hate to be a body grog....but where's the nipples? Mace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted May 30, 2004 Author Share Posted May 30, 2004 Originally posted by Kobal2: @Boo Radley : You know why it's called a French kiss ? Because only the bloody French know how to do it prop'ly. But perhaps you guys call it Freedom Kiss these days ? No, we may have many euphanisms for it, but "freedom kiss" is, thankfully, not one of them. Have you ever heard of, perhaps, a "Glasgow Kiss"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kobal2 Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Last time I heard, Glasgow was definitely not on the far side of the Atlantic. But who knows ? Tectonics are a tricky thing. Anyway, I believe it's a bar-brawl thing, isn't it ? I think the idiom refers to a face stabbing using a broken/jagged beer bottleneck, right ? I think I remember that guy from Gladiator who plays the trusted aide de camp was said to have a "Glasgow smile" (his right cheek had a deep scar from lip to ear - real scar too, not a make-up one) (If I'm right about this one, I might be the most useless-cultured French bugger ever.) (Then again, if I'm not right, I'm just a helpless foreign person totally abused and unfairly discriminated by you, you...language Nazi !) (I love win-win situations) [ May 30, 2004, 01:49 AM: Message edited by: Kobal2 ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Originally posted by Kobal2: Anyway, I believe it's a bar-brawl thing, isn't it ? I think the idiom refers to a face stabbing using a broken/jagged beer bottleneck, right ? Not quite. It's when you use your forehead to bash in your opponents nose. Aka 'headbutt' Mace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedy Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Wow poor old Nidan has to drive in traffic, man I feel sorry for him, as for myself today being Sunday I don't have to go to work. Actually considering I am on annual leave I don't have to go to work no matter what day it is ( suckers!! ) . Today is still Sunday though, which means I got blotto last night just like Mace, today however as well as being Sunday is/was also Long Neck Day (bolded because it is holy) which basically means I am drunk, (again). And as such turns will come out some day, (don't wait). P.S.- Hiram have you checked that CD drive yet?? P.P.S.- Kobal2 keep giving those old bastards hell you're a good craic and an honourary Aussie in my book!! Cheers Speedy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kobal2 Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Oh. What the hell, I was close enough. And that would explain why RPG players call it an "orc kiss". (Now that I think of it, I probably shouldn't have mentionned RPG in any context other than Russian boom gear, should I ? I got the feeling it's going to be used against me in court.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Boo Radley I have a bone to pick with you sir, you have stated: Joe Shaw: You know, if the daft bozo would just stick with a plan, he might pull off a win once in awhile, but knowing his humming bird-like attention span, it may be asking far too much. He was soundly thrashing me in an unbelievably horrid scenario devised by Kitty and Mace, but his men are now being shot, barbequed, blown up and shot yet again by my stalwart Mericun troops. Sad, really.Sir those are MY troops you're talking about ... if I had a plan I have a right to know what it was. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
86smopuim Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 GRRRAAAGGGRRRHHH!!!!! :mad: feifdom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Originally posted by Kobal2: Lars, let me know when you've sent the setup. I've got a slight spam-and-virii problem, and am mass-deleting 40 cubic meters of spam a day, my usual method of mail gentrification being "if it's not from someone you know, and it has a file attached, napalm it". It has been sent. I put CMAK in the subject line so don't go mixing it up with all that SMACK porn that you usually get. Wouldn't want to get back a sticky turn... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Another thing wrong with this thread is nobody has any houses. Not even a cardboard box. It's worse than Tijuana. =/ Kitty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Also there's no health care whatsoever. Kitty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 And not enough Sgt. Viljuri. Kitty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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