If I Said You Had a Beautiful Peng Challenge Would You Hold It Against Me?

[Croda]

Why can't machinegunners run?

Why is there no blood?

Didn't the Germans use horses?

Wasn't the 88mm gun really an 87.925mm gun?

Were hedgerows always alligned in rows?

Does anyone know of a good D-Day scenario?

The Americans didn't win the war on D-Day?

Stephen Ambrose never mentioned that, it can't be true.

W00t!

Where is my Peng, and how do I use it?

Wankers.

[Agua Perdido]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Croda:

W00t!<hr></blockquote>

Send me a feckin' turn, you brainless prat.

[Joe Shaw]

I'd say that it's nice to see you back Croda except that, of course, it isn't. But enough gladhanding and hail-fellow-well-met, on to your questions:

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Croda:

Why can't machinegunners run?<hr></blockquote> The question should more properly be phrased: "Why COULDN'T machinegunners run?" The difference is critical because GOD, when informed of the incorrect modelling he did during WW2 on machinegunners, issued patch RealLife v1.01 and enabled all machinegunners (except Ma Dueuce HMGs, I mean ... come ON) to run. GOD also issued a thank you to all who pointed out the error and assured us that it won't happen again. This patch ALSO enabled the DietyFinn in RealLife.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Why is there no blood?<hr></blockquote> My guess is that she lied to you and really wasn't a virgin but I could be wrong.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Didn't the Germans use horses?<hr></blockquote> USE is such a strong term don't you think? I mean, come on, if the horse is an adult and consented, who are WE to call that USING them? Look at Mace.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Wasn't the 88mm gun really an 87.925mm gun? <hr></blockquote> {GASP} REVISIONIST!

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Were hedgerows always alligned in rows?<hr></blockquote> Depends ... if they were like, you know, up and down then they'd be in columns wouldn't they? And if they were in the shape of a really big HOG, they'd be hedgehogs. I shouldn't have to explain this to you Croda.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Does anyone know of a good D-Day scenario? <hr></blockquote> Yes.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>The Americans didn't win the war on D-Day? <hr></blockquote> Sure they did, haven't you seen SPR? Sheesh, you'll never make grog at this rate boyo.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Stephen Ambrose never mentioned that, it can't be true.<hr></blockquote> And vice versa, Tom Brokaw too, like the time he quoted some B-24 pilot who spoke of the "50mm shell casings rolling on the floor".

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>W00t!<hr></blockquote> Oh ... well SAID.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Where is my Peng, and how do I use it?<hr></blockquote> The exact question asked by my first grade grandson until someone pointed out that he had his pants on backwards that day.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Wankers.<hr></blockquote> Thanks, don't mind if I do.

Joe

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Btw, Bauhaus I noted with interest that the IL-2 Forum has a character named JG27 - Bauhaus. Now this JG27 outfit is currently whining and crying about the flight model of the BF-109 in a manner that would make Losername or Heidman look like reasoned and calm scholars and they seem to have put the entire board up in arms against them just on general principle so I wondered ... any relation?

Joe<hr></blockquote>

None at all. I haven't even visited the Sturmovik forum at all. Though the game is pretty nice.

Maybe we should come up with a title lower than SSN.......I've got it, we'll call them FJN's. FlossyJeff Newbies. The lowest form of newbie.

[bauhaus]

Nothing like posting a post when you meant to edit the post...........dohhhhh!

[ 12-12-2001: Message edited by: bauhaus ]</p>

[bauhaus]

AAAAARG! Wouldn't let me post this message and then double posted me!

Nothing to see here you lookie-loos.

[Stuka]

Tut, tut, tut....

Three in a row?

Very newbiesk behaviour if you ask me, perhaps you have been infected by the 'Flossie Virus'?

[jshandorf]

Ahhh... Bauhaus proves once again that the fastest sperm isn't always the smartest sperm.

Croda, get a life. Or better yet, take Shaw's.

Jeff

[Slapdragon]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jshandorf:

Ahhh... Bauhaus proves once again that the fastest sperm isn't always the smartest sperm.

Croda, get a life. Or better yet, take Shaw's.

Jeff<hr></blockquote>

Shandorf, you are an extreme sexist. Who is to say that Bawdyhouses genetic quagmire was not caused by a dysfunctional (addled) egg. Or more likely, that the big dumb egg could not get out of the way of the drunken sperm resulting in the confused sack of protoplasm who now triple posts on the MBT.

[Stuka]

Macey, old fruit-bat, kindly confirm post haste wether or not you have recieved a set-up from me in the last 4 or 5 days.

I have been drinking you see, and am at a loss as to what I have may sent to who, if at all.

A full audit of my records may be done tonight (if I get time)

[Moriarty]

Hiram, you and yours are still in our thoughts.

Meeks, glad to see you back,sir. Au contraire Joe Shaw, but the MBT is missing one of the family without him. Now, an MBT without Flossie, well, that would be ...

Now for a wee update:

Blousemouse, got off to a good start as his feldgraus shredded my recon units. He now feels the steel of the Mighty Poles (sit down, ye sodding git).

jd is massing his feeble gum-chewers for the assault across a couple of bridges. He's feeling might good about beating up on a couple of hapless Marders and the Hetzer from Hell. He will be destroyed like the phlegmatic old coot that he is.

Joe Shaw is scurrying his troops off the back of the map in a scenario that is so ploddingly slow and tedious that it would serve outstandingly as a means to extend Dunbar's life.

Leeo is in for some serious whup-ass but he doesn't realize it yet. The gamey edge-huggin' sumnabatchin ice ... thinks I don't see him sneakin' up the border.

Herr Oberst and I are just getting under way in Andreas' newest, or one of them anyway. He's leading the assault with an H-39 Hotkiss. I give him credit, he's got some serious 'nads to be a-doin' that.

OGSF, the gamey, rush-the-main VL snot-gobbler himself, has foiled my initial plan in Goanna's fine Fertile Ground scenario. So, now he'll have to cross the bridge for a blood-bath at a secondary VL.

MrPeng has vanquished my feeble feldgrau forces in a byte battle being playtested for Andreas. Using some of the finest examples of right-out-of-a-grog-textbook military tactics and in truly uncharacteristic anti-Cesspoolian form, he has methodically walked his unending artillery from one edge of the map to the other, destroying all resistance in its path. He followed that with precision use of infantry and supporting armor to rout the disheveled and unhappy forces that remained. In true character, however, he did have a squad jog down a dirt road to their utter annihilation. But all in all, a truly grog tactical spectacle for him and debacle for me.

Steve the Rat is MIA, no doubt quivering in fear as he ponders his next feeble move.

adieu for now.

Edited to reflect yet another loss to the Army of Peng.

[ 12-12-2001: Message edited by: Moriarty ]</p>

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Joe Shaw is scurrying his troops off the back of the map in a scenario that is so ploddingly slow and tedious that it would serve outstandingly as a means to extend Dunbar's life. <hr></blockquote> We should point out that the GOAL of this scenario is that I scurry my troops off the back of the map. The rest is pretty accurate though. It's gone on so long and has been such a snoozer that I can't really recall who created it. I think it was either MrSpkr (I hasten to add, in his "Pre-Ker Dessel*" days ... it's FAR too conventional for a true Ker Dessel* scenario) or Agua Perdido. Either way they should be ashamed.

Joe

* Ker Dessel - When You Want to Play CM In the Worst Way.

{edited for your viewing safety and comfort}

[ 12-12-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]</p>

[OGSF]

Hiram, ye an' ye family are ain mah thoughts an' prayers, mon. Tak care an' stay strong. Ah hope ye New Year as brighter for ye.

[Moriarty]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

We should point out that the GOAL of this scenario is that I scurry my troops off the back of the map.<hr></blockquote>

Oh, did I forget to mention that?

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost:

Whether or not you celebrate the holiday, I wish you and yours a happy one.<hr></blockquote>

Oh how sweet, Hiram's wished me a happy sheep.

Well, may your sheep be happy too!!!

Mace

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by bauhaus:

Maybe we should come up with a title lower than SSN.......I've got it, we'll call them FJN's. FlossyJeff Newbies. The lowest form of newbie.<hr></blockquote>

Good suggestion Bauhaus. However, I think we needa more general term... how about FUP Feckin' Useless Pillock?

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Stuka:

Macey, old fruit-bat, kindly confirm post haste wether or not you have recieved a set-up from me in the last 4 or 5 days.

I have been drinking you see, and am at a loss as to what I have may sent to who, if at all.

A full audit of my records may be done tonight (if I get time)<hr></blockquote>

Stukes, dear banana bending chum, I haven't received anything from you in about a fortnight, but I did send you an email informing you that the scenario I suggested I had already played (Kitty has an unorthodox method of naming files - sometimes these names dont correlate to the original scenario. eg if the scenario was D-Day based, she would name it Macegetsdisemboweled01.txt*)

If you would so kindly locate a new scenario with which I can win by such a large margin that you decide to take up playing The Sims<t/m> because it's less stressful, that would be good.

Or, perhaps we can go random and let the computer choose forces?

Mace

* For those concerned, Kitty and I do practice safe file-numbering.

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Good suggestion Bauhaus. However, I think we needa more general term... how about FUP Feckin' Useless Pillock?<hr></blockquote>Now I could go along with that. I have ethical and artistic objections to having HIS name used regularly in the CessPool but I could work with FUP. Mind an SSN would always start as an SSN and then, by a vote of a simple majority in the case of purely internal ... sorry ... if someone wishes they can simply proclaim the SSN as an FUP and be done with it.

In THIS case I think we should have an Australian make the proclamation ... just to avoid UNJUST critisicm that we don't like Australians ... which, of course, we don't.

Joe

[Goanna]

Right. I'll second that. I can think of more than one that should have been proclaimed a FUP for a long while now. However, I suggest a simple plurality of those kaniggets available at the time should be sufficient to proclaim one a FUP if one has given cause to be so named.

Now then, Satan seems to have dropped the ball on us Stukes me old mate. You reportedly sent him the "Going to Town With Stuka" map a couple of days ago with your pick of feldgraus. I sent in an e-mail with my selection of poms as well and have seen nothing from his evilness. I suspect that he is home stroking his NDA and may need a good poke or two.

{POKE!}

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Goanna:

Now then, Satan seems to have dropped the ball on us Stukes me old mate. You reportedly sent him the "Going to Town With Stuka" map a couple of days ago with your pick of feldgraus. I sent in an e-mail with my selection of poms as well and have seen nothing from his evilness. I suspect that he is home stroking his NDA and may need a good poke or two.

{POKE!}<hr></blockquote>

Still haven't gotten Stuka's purchases... so sod off

[Seanachai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Good suggestion Bauhaus. However, I think we needa more general term... how about FUP Feckin' Useless Pillock?<hr></blockquote>

Now, I don't think there should be more than one entity lower than Serf, but I've never been happy with the SSN designation, because of the N for Newbie. This implies a neophyte condition that may be general, and not specific to the Mother Beautiful Thread, and is, for that reason, inappropriate.

We don't want sodding Newbies thinking they're being discriminated against in the Peng Challenge Thread because they are sodding Newbies, we want them to know they are being abused, spat on, shat on, and clipped to look like poodles because they are Newcomers in the Peng Challenge Thread. It has nothing to do with their status/arrival on the Board at all (except in a general sort of way).

I move that we drop the Scum Sucking Newbie (SSN) designation and move on Berli's rare flash of insight (as opposed to 'sense of incite', which he has all too often), and designate new posters to the Peng Challenge Thread as: Sodding Useless Pillocks, or SUPs, because every term in this title is well-worn in the service of the Peng Challenge Thread, and, as a reference to an archaic but amusing saying, I point out the aphorism: "If you wish to sup with the Devil, best use a long handled spoon".

[Seanachai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

I point out the aphorism: "If you wish to sup with the Devil, best use a long handled spoon".<hr></blockquote>

I wish you lot to notice the lengths I go to to keep this Thread competitive with the Outer Boards.

I read a bloody series of posts by some being entitled JasonC the other night, and he'd gone to an almost preternatural level of Grogish uselesness to define, down to the last pence, the origin of the term 'soldier'. Mind, I found it fascinating, and I always delight in such flights of language, but his post was a bit like having Albert Speer show up to play 'Dictionary' at a party.

I want our brave, useless, anti-Grog drunkard membership to know that we make every attempt in our own...idiom, to be just as obscure, erudite, and pointlessly fascinating as the forces of Grog on the Outer Boards.

[Herr Oberst]

Jesu Christo, parole must have come up and he must have paid off the judges...

Why else would Crawdad be back now?

This all feels like some bizarre Dawn of the Dead movie, or somefink like that.

Meeks, Crawdad, etc, etc.

Who failed to clear the drain?!? Ther will be Berli to pay, cause it's making all the rats come out of the corners and post again.

BTW, Crawdad, I still owe you a setup after that miserable "Harry Potter's Witches Cauldron" scenario you made me suffer through. Gamey bastiche makes a map that looks like a volcanic cone with my troops in the middle while he calls in 14 inch bombardment, and orders every conceinvable piece of Ami armor to hose down my uber-men. I still managed a point in that fiasco Crawdad, so I am on a quest for the perfect scenario. One that will yield me 100 points and you 0. Expect a setup in the near future.

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Now, I don't think there should be more than one entity lower than Serf, but I've never been happy with the SSN designation, because of the N for Newbie. This implies a neophyte condition that may be general, and not specific to the Mother Beautiful Thread, and is, for that reason, inappropriate.

We don't want sodding Newbies thinking they're being discriminated against in the Peng Challenge Thread because they are sodding Newbies, we want them to know they are being abused, spat on, shat on, and clipped to look like poodles because they are Newcomers in the Peng Challenge Thread. It has nothing to do with their status/arrival on the Board at all (except in a general sort of way).

I move that we drop the Scum Sucking Newbie (SSN) designation and move on Berli's rare flash of insight (as opposed to 'sense of incite', which he has all too often), and designate new posters to the Peng Challenge Thread as: Sodding Useless Pillocks, or SUPs, because every term in this title is well-worn in the service of the Peng Challenge Thread, and, as a reference to an archaic but amusing saying, I point out the aphorism: "If you wish to sup with the Devil, best use a long handled spoon".<hr></blockquote>Now look you here Seanachai, as the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread and Don't You Forget It ... hmmmm, that has a nice ring to it don't you think ... and the appointed keeper of the traditions, I must strongly protest against your stupid suggestion ... no offense intended beyond that implied.

The SSN tag has a long and noble history in the CessPool since I devised it and to simply discard it without so much as a by-your-leave is simply wrong.

Your alleged complaint is without merit on it's face as, deny it if you can, what status one has on the outerboard is of NO consequence to a CessPooler. Here you either ARE or ARE NOT a CessPooler. ANYONE who sets toe in the fetid and oily waters of the CessPool without being OF the CessPool is a Scum Sucking Newbie and I don't give a dangling damn if their freaking member number is #1. You'll note, for example, that our old and thankfully absent SSN Lard Generic MB has as his sig something that refers to SSNs as if HE WASN'T ONE!

Furthermore, as if my demolition of your argument so far wasn't damning enough, the ISSUE at hand is one of a class BELOW SSN and your suggestion does nothing to address that problem.

So Seanachai your suggestion is held in complete and total contempt by the Justicariate as being against the Traditions and Practices of the CessPool.

Joe

[Stuka]

Sir Goanna, it is not actually HerrBerli's fault that our game is delayed. Well, in a way it is, his e-mail addy is old and my mail kept bouncing back. All is now clear and the set-up will be winging its way on the backs of angels to the Evil one this evening.

Oh and Mace, seeing as you gamely attempted to foist a non double blind game upon me, I am leaning to a nasty computer picked force QB from you. Do with me as you will. (But be gentle)