Peng, Your Challenge Necessitates Gamey Manouvrouvrevoouvring!

[stevetherat]

Hereby lies a way overdue update on the battles I have in progress. Some of the descriptions here have caused me great pain, while others are quite simply a joy to retell. I shall waste no further time. Assistant, the lights please.

Agua Perido is quite simply kicking my rear end all the way back to Berlin. I can only praise his magnificent use of combined arms to thoroughly spread me on the field like thick fruit marmelade. This is enevitably going to end up in a venomous rematch.

Chupcabra supplied a featureless map. A blanket of green, peppered with one or two trees for effect. Although I have advanced over a third of the way across this enormous 'park' I have only come encountered an MG team and a tiny peashooter gun that can't even penetrate my Daimler.

Croda and I are building snowmen together and having a ball of a time playing 'Hide and Seek'. I find him and he runs off to hide again. He had a wonderful collection of vehicles I spotted with a lone Churchill. After a quick exchange, all they are doing now is melting the snow with the over zealous fires the crewmen seem to have lit in the turrets.

Iskander was complaining that he couldn't find me in the acreage of our map. I thought it might be nice to show my head and I'll be damned if he wish that I hadn't. Poor chap, he's calmly walking his mass of morons in open country while I'm shelling, gunning and machining him down like a fun park target practice.

Marlow has gone fishing.

PeterNZer is supposed to be good at this isn't he? Well, salutation is at hand. Everthing he has brought to me has suffered the same fate. Scrap. On the outside I show a frowning and sympathetic expression. On the inside I point and laugh.

Treeburst155 and I both had exactly the same idea. Flank attack! Unfortunately, we chose the same flank and he had the better positions. Result: Pop go my tanks and infantry comitted to the attack. I have regrouped a small force and will try a different plan. But I have yet to come up with a good one!

Wildman has also gone fishing.

OK, lights up. Please make your way home safely and may I remind you this is a residential area.

StR

[Lorak]

ahh,

I have no tome updates...that I know of.

If I've overlooked something just let me know.

As for myself. I have a couple openings in my schedule. I can take on about three games at the moment.

People that I think I owe games too.

Seanachai

Meeks/Hamsters

Mace

If any of you are free to play just send a setup, anything will do. I have learned how to lose with anything and on any map. It really is depressing to be as bad as I am... but I'm so damn good at it.

Now if any of you guys are full just let me know. Same for the other slack arsed bastages here in the pool. If you see a reply from one of these soon to be victors that state they can't play. I'll take the first person to accept in thier place.

Hey, playing the Lorak isn't just an adventure... It is a nice way to pad your win column.

Beannachtai na Feile Padraig Oraibh !

Happy St. Patricks Day to you all !

Lorak the loathed

------------------

"Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking."--William Butler Yeats

Cesspool

Combatmissionclub

and for Kitty's sake

=^..^=

[OGSF]

Elvis, Ah dinnae have yer last turn. Mah swine PC crasheda a wee while ago, an' Ah think your turn got flushed where at belongs. Would ye be sae ind as tae send at agin. Ye pillock.

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFuhrerBastardABCD

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You posture more than Marcia Brady with books on her head and you chatter like a dolphin near the fish bucket. - Dalem

[MrPeng]

Lorak

shcribenzie thusly:

Peng 82

Elvis 18

major topplement, regardless of the song and dance about how he was trying some new-fangled anit-nazi sort of a thing. I ripped out his liver and ate it with sourkraut. my offensive attritionista manouevering was completely right on and without blush remorse or feck and had not the slightest venisonista hint about it. in fact, it was down-right stilton and port, or sherry and tapas. dammit.

------------------

That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable

[Goanna]

Lorak, if the others don't take you up on the offer, I will surely oblige with a 1500pt setup. Not that I need the padding, mind you, what with the pile of rotting flesh I have amassed in the past few weeks. However, I do remember being added to your **** list several eons ago for an offhand comment about TC Schultz, or something similar. Drop me a note if you don't find the other challengers {ahem} challenging.

Unfortunately (well, frankly I'm not that disappointed) I missed all of yesterdays activities as I was required to host a new arrival to Oman. After collecting this new member of our crew from the airport at 9 am I was forced (under extreme duress I can assure you) into an attempt to consume this month's entire alcohol ration in one sitting. It seems I was unable to come up with a quick enough retort to "Well, it's 5:30 pm in Sydney", upon which the consumption of Boddington's commenced.

However, having caught up quickly on the verbal fencing of old timers and the lame attempts by the blow-ins, I must say that I see no reason why Shaw & Berli cannot have a Blood Hamster match as suggested by Moriarty? If Schmoe loses, couldn't his new sentence simply be carried out consecutively following his indenturement to the Kiwi? I thought this sort of piling on was a normal sort of activity in the American criminal justice system that you would be familiar with.

[Speedy]

Originally posted by Mace:

Aren't they adorable?

Mace

It's so nice that you think my little Polish fellows are adorable too.

Lorak, LORAK, YooHoo.

Let it be known that my Polish infantry have routed Maces smg squads in our little pub brawl ( seems he wasn't all that thirsty after all ).

Final score was 49 to 20 or 30 something.

In other games:

OGSF seems to be under the delusion that he is winning this one. Most strange considering all those smoke columns on his side of the map.

Goanna is a gamey bastard, he has big mean tanks. At least I have the consolation that he has no more beer for the rest of the month.

Marlow has arisen from the dead. He says he had a vacation and work but I think he was just trying to avoid me as I am giving him the thrashing of his life.

Roborat, in a game that seems to have developed into three seperate battles on a large map, only has the upper hand in one and that one is a long way from the victory flags.

If I have forgotten anyone, well, tough.

Now who's for a sing-song?

We're happy little vegemites

as happy as can be,

We love our little vegemite

for breakfast lunch and tea,

........

------------------

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

I have nothing else to say. Ya, quote that you rat bastards.

-Meeks

[Joe Shaw]

I must say that I see no reason why Shaw & Berli cannot have a Blood Hamster

match as suggested by Moriarty?

Such a course would be inadvisable because:

(a) Moriarty suggested it therefore it's clearly suspect from the start.

( Having my sig file controlled by Berli could result in my being banned by BTS.

© S**T happens ... while it is extremely unlikely, there is the possibility that lousy luck (akin to having an asteroid the size of Manhattan hitting North Dakota ... not necessarily a bad idea in and of itself mind you) and extremely rare happenstance (i.e. Berli having more than two brain synapses firing simultaneously) could result in losing the match! The daily reminder that I HAD lost to Berli would be more than my fragile ego could stand. I would, therefore, be forced into seculsion and the CessPool would be deprived of the light of my contenance ... no one wants that.

In short, who asked you?

Joe

------------------

I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

Get bent, you de-feathered shuttlecock

I thought I'd made it plain, that it is you, mister Aqua (and I mean mister, not in the respect-laden sort of way, but more in the "Your gonna get it when your father gets home, Little Mister!" sort of way), that it is you who has been getting bent by all of the fawning you've been doing over the bouncy, trouncy, flouncy kinnigits.

Oh, and in the spirit of this most Holy of holy days;

Saint Patrick was a gentleman,

Who through strategy and stealth,

Drove all the snakes from Ireland,

Here’s a toasting to his health.

But not too many toastings

Lest you lose yourself and then

Forget the good Saint Patrick

And see all those snakes again.

(Edited because it's St.Patty's day, and I've been doing what one should be doing on St. Patty's day)

------------------

It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow

than to spend tonight like there's no money!

[This message has been edited by Leeo (edited 03-17-2001).]

[BFCElvis]

Peng did give me pretty good trouncing last night. I did try something of the wall but that is no excuse. His attack was perfect. I even told him so while it was happening. What I tried was instead of purchasing a rifle company like I usually do I purchased a heavy weapons company. Thinking I could slow his progress with many many MGs. I was able to do that but the idiot bought Inf guns (and he was ATTACKING...sound familiar Joanna) and they blow the liver out of my belly and onto his plate.

OSGFKLOGNHTASHU, I will resend the file you. And all you other nonturn sending bastards can go to hell.

------------------

"When they finally put you in the ground..I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down" Elvis Costello

[MrPeng]

Originally posted by Elvis:

Peng did give me pretty good trouncing last night. His attack was perfect. {snip} the idiot bought Inf guns (and he was ATTACKING...) and they blow the liver out of my belly and onto his plate. {snip} go to hell.

yes it's true I did buy Inf guns, and the vehicles to move them. I moved one gun three times and each time was able to avoid an impending arty attack, set up in a perfectly lovely spot and continue to blow his moronic mg teams up. It is a mutha beautiful sight when ONE shell hits an entrenched .50 cal and there isn't anything left after the boom.

Elvis left out a significant detail. I had an armored Pioneer platoon in reserve, and they stayed in reserve. Just when I thought I was going to have to bring them to bear, Elvis ate a sammich and died.

So, it was perfectly brilliant, and I only wish my attack against the Lizard King was going half as well. That is a whole 'nother kettle of chum...

Peng

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That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable

[This message has been edited by MrPeng (edited 03-17-2001).]

[Mace]

Originally posted by Speedy:

Now who's for a sing-song?

We're happy little vegemites

as happy as can be,

We love our little vegemite

for breakfast lunch and tea,

"cause we love our vegemite,

we really adore our vegemite,

it puts a rose in ev-ery cheek!"

Yah, Speedy did best me, the tight mongrel wouldn't shout drinks at the local.

So I smashed the headlites and slashed the tires of all his AFVs, and now the sod has to walk home (meanwhile, I get to drive home in comfort and not worry about being pulled over for drink-driving as I haven't touched a drop)

Lorak please note.

Speedy (tight Allied b*stard):49

Mace (dinky-di true-blue Germanic bloke):36

(very, almost miniscule, not even worth mentioning really) minor allied victory

Mace

PS Any of you other mongrels want a slap around the ears, send me a setup.

[This message has been edited by Mace (edited 03-17-2001).]

[Bozza]

Um, excuse my newbiness but why is every thread like this called "Peng"\ something-or-other"?

Is it b'coz Mr. Peng founded the first ever Peng thread and it has just caught on from there or what's the story?

.... now if I could just find that F*%@#ing envelope that has my cheque and order for CM in it I could send it off and get the damn game!

Yeh, yeh, I misplaced a cheque worth A$120 - I know it's around here somewhere under all this other paper I use for scribbling on....

[David Aitken]

Bozza wrote:

> Um, excuse my newbiness but why is every thread like this called "Peng"\ something-or-other"?

The original thread was started by Seanachai and titled "Peng, I Take Our Challenge Public!". It was about a challenge between Seanachai and MrPeng, in case that was a bit too convoluted for you. Now go and do a subject-line search for "Peng", read all the previous threads, and don't come back until you're finished.

David

PS. That was the polite answer. The normal answer would be along the lines of "Bugger the hell off you worthless newbie scum git sheep lover!", although that particular combination is reserved for the likes of PeterNZ and Mace.

[Joe Shaw]

Yeh, yeh, I misplaced a cheque worth A$120 - I know it's around here somewhere under all this other paper I use for scribbling on....

And this has relevance for us because ...? You've received your answer and you have now two options:

1) Insult someone specific (and make it good laddie) and weather the slings and arrows we shall surely fling your way. By doing so you MAY entice someone (likely a Squire, certainly NOT a knight ... at least not a knight that has any sense of worth) to give you an official CessPool game.

2) Bugger OFF!

There you have, the Official CessPool FAQ. No, don't thank me, it's the least I could do.

Joe

------------------

I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[The Commissar]

Originally posted by Hamsters:

bla bla...

Make sure to post stupid, stupid, 'Look at me, I'm posting in the Peng thread!' posts (This only applies to gits like The Commisar)

bla bla...

I havent checked one of these whachucallit threads in a while, but happened to click on this one out of boredom. Lo and behold, some rodent called me a git.

Well, sir rodent, I would do something but I wont. Why you ask?

Is it because I a low-browed fool?

Can it be related to my lack of wit?

Am I - wait, I came here to say something bad about YOU, didn't I?

The case happens to be that if I insult you, I would have to fight you. Since I prefer whenever possible not to fight small, furry mammals who poop on themselves and roll around in sawdust, I would much rather avoid you instead.

Well, just letting you know I didnt let you slide, m8.

Cheery-o.

------------------

"...Every position, every meter of Soviet soil must be defended to the last drop of blood..."

- Segment from Order 227 "Not a step back"

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

(a) Moriarty suggested it therefore it's clearly suspect from the start.

At least he doesn't think squires have worth.

( Having my sig file controlled by Berli could result in my being banned by BTS.

I would not make you use anything which would get you banned. It would be either a plug for Der Kessel or some acknowledgement of your false heresy

© S**T happens ... while it is extremely unlikely, there is the possibility that lousy luck (akin to having an asteroid the size of Manhattan hitting North Dakota ... not necessarily a bad idea in and of itself mind you) and extremely rare happenstance (i.e. Berli having more than two brain synapses firing simultaneously) could result in losing the match! The daily reminder that I HAD lost to Berli would be more than my fragile ego could stand. I would, therefore, be forced into seculsion and the CessPool would be deprived of the light of my contenance ... no one wants that.

Damn, this actually sounds like a public service

[This message has been edited by Berlichtingen (edited 03-17-2001).]

[Joe Shaw]

At least he doesn't think squires have worth.

{sigh} If, as you assert, squires have no value, then why do you value them highly enough to continue complaining about them? Could it be ... JEALOUSY?

I would not make you use anything which would get you banned. It would be either a plug for Der Kessel or some acknowledgement of your false heresy.

And we all know how well YOU are to be trusted, Hah! Furthermore, you fool, false heresy is a tautology and I'd never consent to having my sig written by anyone so ill informed.

Damn, this actually sounds like a public service.

Say you so sir? I believe that my legion of fans would protest their outrage and make the very skies echo their discontent. You have my setup sir, make the most of it ... if you can.

Joe

------------------

I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

{sigh} If, as you assert, squires have no value, then why do you value them highly enough to continue complaining about them? Could it be ... JEALOUSY?

Do you really not see where this can lead? First you'll have us believe that squires have worth. Next, you'll have us acting as if we like each other. This will, no doubt, lead to us all visiting Seanachai for a spot of tea.

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Bozza:

Um, excuse my newbiness but why is every thread like this called "Peng"\ something-or-other"?

to reiterate,

"Bugger the hell off you worthless newbie scum git sheep lover!"

c/o David Aitken

And just let me add that further loitering in this dank residence of kinnigits (who are basically bouncy, trouncy and flouncy) and squires (who have become quite adept at prostrating themselves to aforementioned kinnigits), can be deleterious to your health, sanity, and naughty bits.

------------------

It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow

than to spend tonight like there's no money!

[Agua Perdido]

Originally posted by Leeo:

to reiterate,

"Bugger the hell off you worthless newbie scum git sheep lover!"

c/o David Aitken

Now *this* got a chortle out me. Let no newbie be so new he can't find some newer newbie to berate. And the wheel of abuse turns and turns... Ya got heart, kid, and I look forward to ripping it out of your chest via your left nostril with a plumber's snake and a pair of dirty vise-grips. (No, Bauhaus, not vice-grips... put that down.)

Send me a setup. 1000 or less, other parameters to you.

bouncy, trouncy and flouncy

This was mildy amusing the first 287 times you used it. Never do it again.

Agua Perdido

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Feel the pain of outlaw cinema!

[Hamsters]

Originally posted by Leeo:

to reiterate,

Look, I'm stupid in other ways, too.

Iterate: To say again.

Reiterate: Not a word, you moron.

[Joe Shaw]

Send me a setup. 1000 or less, other parameters to you.

Agua perhaps you've forgotten Thursday's lesson "Setups From Hell and Other Gamey Stuff"? NEVER accept or solicit (sit DOWN Bauhaus) a setup without a JPEG of the parameters screen. 1000 points is good, but what if the gamey little newbie chooses a night fight? Or a pool table setup? What if you're limited to Armor and he's Unlimited? Judging from what we've seen so far ANYTHING is possible. Any of these (or any number of other parameters) could seriously impact your purchases. The fact is lad, you can't trust them. Newbies are, by definition, Swine (yes Berli ALL of them, in this at least we agree), and while you'll undoubtedly stomp him into a unrecongizable pulp and so wound his psyche that he'll never dare show his face here again (a right good thing, of course), he MIGHT get some points on you ... and we can't have that happen.

Sir Joe

p.s. Don't forget you owe me that 14 page paper on "Tautologies, Oxymorons, Reductio ad Absurdum ... and Other Stuff Berli Doesn't Know."

------------------

I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[This message has been edited by Joe Shaw (edited 03-18-2001).]

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Newbies are, by definition, Swine (yes Berli ALL of them, in this at least we agree)...

Amen, Brother Shaw

[MrPeng]

Dammit!

It is around 1:30 am EST ( the only time zone that matters) and not one goddam swine on my buddy list or ICQ list is visible. I need to fight. I need to kill. I need to do something other than play the AI. Berli, I saw you come on line for about 15 seconds. The rest of you lot are either hiding or off getting pissing down the leg drunk in some spastic faux celtic greeting card driven ritual. This is not acceptable. I need a game and I need it now.

gah. feh. poot.

Peng

I also need a new sig. I am sick of the current one.

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That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable

[Stuka]

Not that I am interested in playing you in the slightest herr Von Pengenburger, but my ICQ shows you as offline. have you hidden yourself from me in fear of your pixellated life, or are you just a git?