Pass the Lotion Peng, I need to get that full body Mutha Beautiful Challenge Tan

[Guest PondScum]

Sweet jesus, when will it end? The pitiful moaning, the incessant ankle-biting, the desperate urge to administer a good thrashing. No, no, not last night at Mace's; the POOL, dammit, THE POOL. Get these SSN's out of here, or at least fighting each other so they'll SHUT THE HELL UP.

[Stuka]

Wheres the Justicar when we need him?

[Noba]

Wheres the Justiciar when you need him ?

Stuka, look no further than -

The Justiciar-in-waiting....Croda.

Now he would make a fine replacement for sad sack Joe. Not only is he intelligent, witty, magnani-mouse, patient, modest, good looking, extremely well read, thoughtfull, considerate, a good listener, sharp; concise even...and an all round fine chap.

He's always posting. Being there for his fellow 'poolers. What's more, he enjoys booting SSN's !

Ladies and Gentlemen, what say you ? I ask you to ... Vote For Croda, our new / temporary Justiciar

Noba.

[mensch]

Originally posted by Persephone:

Mensch, the photographer sold the negatives to me real cheap! And I hate to tell you this but, snakes don't have any legs.

Persephone

What? you mean you're thinking of cats, cats have no legs everyone knows that!

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Stuka:

Wheres the Justicar when we need him?

TRANSMISSION STARTS

Fzzzt------crackle-------shztt!!

"ScumBase to Justicar! Come in Justicar!!...... urgent you return to Scumbase as soon as possible. We are being overrun by <zzztt!!> hordes of strange alien form SSN's who are poking sticks into dark holes trying to (unsuccessfully so far) elicit legible responses from honorable Poolsters.... <ffzzt...snap..> We request a whopping broadside from your heavy weapon ASAP before the MBT sinks under the weight of the current SSN invasion...... <crackle.......shzzt!>

TRANSMISSION ENDS

[Croda]

There's only one way to solve this SSN infestation.

Toi_Leete, StankMan, and PooHardly, while we all *snicker* appreciate *snicker* the fact that you sought us of all combatants to play games against, we also detest your kind and would sooner cauterize your duodenum with a branding iron than play you in a civilized game of CM.

There is hope however as most people posting in this MuthaBeautiful Pool were SSNs at some point (not me, of course, but some of them). In order to get a game against anyone of stature (stature in the 'Pool. None of these under-the-bleachers babies have any stature outside of their own double-wide unless it's here and even here they make us want to york our twinkies), like I was saying...In order to get a game against anyone of stature you must follow the rules.

1) Recognize that you're a SSN

2) Immediately sod off

3) After sodding off, come back and taunt like you've got a pair. This taunting should single out someone and be in the best tradition of the Pool. Be prepare for this person and every other person to flame your sorry ass for a bit.

4) Eventually, if you show promise, you may get a game.

5) Sod off again for good measure.

Them's the rules.

Between the three of you, I imagine you haven't the aim to piss in a Big Gulp cup, therefore I'm going to make it simple for you. You're going to engage in a joust for our enjoyment.

The fiercest and foulest scenario ever created for CM (other than the Pit I made for Herr Oberst, but we won't count that) is Crodaburg™. It's stench is perfect for any SSNs desiring to defoul our Pool.

The rules of Crodaburg™ are as follows:

1) You must play another SSN.

2) You must post frequent reports of the game's progress.

3) You must finish, if you can. Many have never returned from a Crodaburg™ challenge.

4) After finishing you should sod off, and then perhaps you'll get a game with someone.

Crodaburg is winging itself to you. I recommend that Toi_Leete play the Axis in both games and the other two play the Allies.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

Those who find me a Justicar usurper can kindly take the next train to Clarksville as I would do this even with the Justicar present because Crodaburg™ Challenges are more fun than 11 feet of snow in Minnisoooohtah.

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by History Buff:

I've useally avoided Peng threads, until now and I think I will again. What a bunch of gits!!!!

Thank god you lot only control a battalion of Polygons and not a Battalion of men. My mother can beat the lot of you!

So, you consider yourself a "history buff"? Let's talk some history then. When, in the history of your sad little life, did you truly think you would be welcomed here with open arms? Let me help you with your obvious misconception:

You are not welcome! Now exit the premises immediately.

[Croda]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by History Buff:

I've useally avoided Peng threads, until now and I think I will again. What a bunch of gits!!!!

Thank god you lot only control a battalion of Polygons and not a Battalion of men. My mother can beat the lot of you!

So, you consider yourself a "history buff"? Let's talk some history then. When, in the history of your sad little life, did you truly think you would be welcomed here with open arms? Let me help you with your obvious misconception:

You are not welcome! Now exit the premises immediately.</font>

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

There are Scum Sucking Newbies about. I can smell their fetid stench. There are entirely too many to deal with on a one-on-one basis, so I’ll have to make a general announcement.

Attention Scum Sucking Newbies: This is the Peng thread that your parents told you about. Looking for a game with one of us? Good! Get the hell out! Want to be cool and argue with somebody in here? Excellent! Get the hell out! Each of you isn’t worth the spittle that is expended when one of us decides to yell at you. I understand that you may be feeling clever after winning that argument with your little sister and would like to unleash some of those witticisms upon the only adults you look up to. Trust me, it truly isn’t worth the effort.

For those of you who have the gumption to reply to this post: By arguing with me, you acknowledge that you are automatically wrong. You are also stupid, ugly, an embarrassment to your family & community, gay, and probably still live with your parents. Your reply won’t have a shred of intellect and will probably have a host of misspelled words thus showing your glaring lack of verbal accuity. You are not funny and should….wait for it…. Get the hell out!!

This was simply a service of the Hiram Broadcasting Service (HBS). Nothing is copyrighted or patented, so you may notice Scum Sucking Newbies quoting some of the Hiramisms every once in a while.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Croda:

Crodaburg™. It's stench is perfect for any SSNs desiring to defoul our Pool.

Crodaburg, huh?

So, this is some kind of cheese, right? Probably an especially odiferous brand of German cheese. "Brought to you by those wonderful people who consider lard to be a beverage!"

I just sent a game over to Sock Monkey, but I'll gladly take on another little diversion. I'm going up against Rolaids? Well, from now on, think of him as Custer.

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

If you have computer time, then you most certainly have Send-Croda-A-Mutha-Fecking-Turn time.

Croda, you are a sorely abused kegil muscle. Try to grasp this notion. I'm at work. I'm not working at moment, but I'm "at work". I already wrote before that my home computer is in a bad way because of a video card. You even replied to that post. Your memory retention is pitiful and I know of one way that could help you. I have a baseball bat that could help you remember. Whenever you say something stupid (and you will) I can help you out by thumping you with it. This helps out all involved. You get your skull bludgeoned and I get to hear the satisfying crack of my baseball bat on your oversized cranium. You would just hear the echo of the thud and perhaps you could remember something of note. Everything I type is "of note" and should be memorized. Since your eyes glaze over every time you read my words and your fridge is covered with my words, you should start a three ring binder of my replies to your idiotic comments. I elect you to be my biographer.

Edited because of my hand twitching with the anticipation of thumping Croda with my baseball bat.

[ March 14, 2002, 08:43 AM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

[Noba]

Hiram. It could be a career shortening idea to abuse the wise Justiciar-in-waiting !

Why, you may even come to like him in his new role. Give him a chance. Everyone can make the odd mistake in their past.

Noba.

[Croda]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Waaaaaaaaaaaaa

1) Shut up.

2) Better that you just stop at 1. Wouldn't want to make this too complex.

[Ya, I edited it, but I'm gonna keep what changed a secret.]

[ March 14, 2002, 09:59 AM: Message edited by: Croda ]

[Lars]

I found this in a news story on the Net.

"If everybody could throw (feces) at people who've hurt their feelings, what kind of society would we live in?" U.S. District Judge Gordon Quist said.

He wasn’t talking about us, was he?

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Croda:

1) Shut up.

2) Better that you just stop at 1. Wouldn't want to make this too complex.

A real Justicar (a.k.a. Joe Shaw) would NEVER number a list sequentially.

Poseur! You're a Tosser, too.

{edited for the same reasons I'm a compulsive handwasher}

[ March 14, 2002, 10:41 AM: Message edited by: Leeo ]

[dalem]

Originally posted by Lars:

I found this in a news story on the Net.

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />"If everybody could throw (feces) at people who've hurt their feelings, what kind of society would we live in?" U.S. District Judge Gordon Quist said.

He wasn’t talking about us, was he?</font>

[mensch]

<center> </center>

for all your Croda needs.

[Croda]

Originally posted by mensch:

<center> </center>

for all your Croda needs.

It keeps my nads, Aussie smooth!

[imported_Wildman]

Alas it is true. You lot of foul-mouthed, German-loving weenies have activated the DoD smartfilter, you nogs!

So I sneak home at lunch while the spousal unit is away with the kidlets to post my hatred for you all.

LeeO has shown his complete gameyiness, but skulking around on a large map in the dark. Of course he could be in the corner, fondling his "Artillery Piece" for all I know.

Goanna, the Gecko and I have launched a three battle OP of The Evil One's. In a gamey use of smoke I am over the first set of bridges, of course the lizard is probably no where near my troops, but that doesn't diminish my obvious abilities.

Elvis has at last succumbed to my obvious superiority. Although he brought a 14" arty spotter, a M10, a 76 sherman, 2 Priests, and a battalion of Iowa farmboys in a 1500 point attack. (Yes, your a cheatin' bastard). The Panthers of DOOM have struck him down. Although not without cost. I post the following picture, not to gloat, but to revel in the Die-A-Lot that was administered to both sides....it was glorious!

[rleete]

Originally posted by Croda:

There's only one way to solve this SSN infestation...

Crodaburg is winging itself to you.

Thank you so much. Not. Here I am, slapping this newbie down for the sake of decent reading in the 'pool, and you give me this monstrosity. Is there a reason I am relegated to the defense?

So be it. I will send the setups, and post ARs if and when they reply. Let it be known, that with this undertaking, you have forced me to continue mucking about in the cess. Therefore, it is you who is responsible for my presence. Worse than Seanachai recruiting on the outerboards. Perhaps another "trial" is in order?

[bauhaus]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

Yeah, well I've read your Peng Challenge rules that you post at the beginning of all of your threads because obviously the only thing you people can retain is water.

I understand that an outsider can't challenge a "ka-nigget, is it"? That's cute, that little Python rip-off you have going there. Someone must have suggested that to one of you.

In any event. I really don't know who among you can be considered fair game because I have yet to find a score card in any of these forums. I possibly could've read through one of your threads, but three things stopped me.

1) I have a life.

I really couldn't be bothered.

III) The thought of reading through several pages full of in-jokes and posts that consist mostly of quotes from other posts would be so mind-numbingly boring that I would be filled with ennui to the point where I would be forced to seek you out one by one and kill you. (So, you're welcome.)

So, who's a fair target for a challenge? Sledge? Aussie Jeff? R_Leete? These are names I haven't seen all that much and figured that they at least must have some redeeming qualities and haven't degenerated to the point where they make Morlocks look like prep school graduates.

So, I believe the gauntlet has been thrown down. Now it's up to one of you to get up off your great, spotty behinds and accept it.

p.s. BTW, for the record, I loathe each and every one of you to the point where if I trouble myself to think of you, my feet fall asleep. Thank you.

You just don't get it. You came in months ago and we told you to leave. Now you're back? Go away. And for the rest of you pillocks. I'm gone for the next 10 or so days. But I'll still hate you all when I return.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by bauhaus:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

Yeah, well I've read your Peng Challenge rules that you post at the beginning of all of your threads because obviously the only thing you people can retain is water.

I understand that an outsider can't challenge a "ka-nigget, is it"? That's cute, that little Python rip-off you have going there. Someone must have suggested that to one of you.

In any event. I really don't know who among you can be considered fair game because I have yet to find a score card in any of these forums. I possibly could've read through one of your threads, but three things stopped me.

1) I have a life.

I really couldn't be bothered.

III) The thought of reading through several pages full of in-jokes and posts that consist mostly of quotes from other posts would be so mind-numbingly boring that I would be filled with ennui to the point where I would be forced to seek you out one by one and kill you. (So, you're welcome.)

So, who's a fair target for a challenge? Sledge? Aussie Jeff? R_Leete? These are names I haven't seen all that much and figured that they at least must have some redeeming qualities and haven't degenerated to the point where they make Morlocks look like prep school graduates.

So, I believe the gauntlet has been thrown down. Now it's up to one of you to get up off your great, spotty behinds and accept it.

p.s. BTW, for the record, I loathe each and every one of you to the point where if I trouble myself to think of you, my feet fall asleep. Thank you.

You just don't get it. You came in months ago and we told you to leave. Now you're back? Go away. And for the rest of you pillocks. I'm gone for the next 10 or so days. But I'll still hate you all when I return.</font>

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Tank Man:

What the hell is taking you so long rleet? Its the video portion of a 500 pt pbem. Are you so mentally retarded that there is way too much for you to comprehend? I sent that at 5:00 and now its 10:00 and I find you posting. You got a job to do here buddy... And BTW, running your brits down a road gets them shot up, but you probably know that. Oh wait! You haven't even watched the turn yet have you?

... think beetle, laddie, give in to their creepin, ball tossin ways

Idjit Yeknod

[Tank Man]

Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

think beetle, laddie, give in to their creepin, ball tossin ways

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Are you ranting on about that dumb tent again?

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Tank Man:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

think beetle, laddie, give in to their creepin, ball tossin ways

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Are you ranting on about that dumb tent again?</font>