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Peng Challenges the Hedgehog


Lars

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You can bugger the bear, if you do it with care,

in the winter, when he is asleep in his lair,

Though I would not advise it in spring or in fall—

but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

If you're feeling quite coarse, you can bugger the horse,

or the palfrey, the jennet, the stallion (with force),

You can bugger the donkey, the mare, or the mule,

Though to bugger the pony is needlessly cruel.

You can bugger the ox (if you stand on a box)

And vulpologists say you can bugger the fox,

You can bugger the shrew, though it's awfully small—

but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Herptologists gasp you can bugger the asp,

Entymologists claim you can bugger the wasp.

If an insects your thing, man, then just have a ball—

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

And the elephant too, that you meet in the zoo,

Can be buggered if you are sure just what to do,

You will need a large mattress upon which to fall—

but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can bugger the bees if your down on your knees,

You can bugger the termites with terminal ease

you can bugger the beetle, the ladybug (bird!) too,

there's no end to the buggering that you can do.

You can bugger the cat if it isn't to fat

You can bugger the rabbit you draw from your hat

You can bugger the shark that you've chased in your yawl—

but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can bugger the ermine, and all other vermine,

like rats, mice, and roaches, if your not discernin'.

You can bugger the dog, it will come when you call—

but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Although Mr. Tiggy is not very big, he

Avoids with great ease those who fancy his arse.

He just curls in a ball, shows his prickles and all—

And the would-be seducer leaves him in the grass

If you're that kind of fool, and you have a long tool,

Do it with a giraffe, if you stand on a stool,

Catch a yeti, who lives in the snows of Nepal—

but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

For the hedgehog escapes the posterior rapes

Performed upon others of different shapes

Those who run, swim, or slither, they get it withal—

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

It is said, if you try, you can bugger the fly,

Or the swallow as it skims so skillfully by,

Use a noose or a net, or lime (if you've the gall)—

but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all

You can bugger the cow (I will not tell you how),

Or the boar, or the piglet, the shoat or the sow,

You can bugger the ass as it stands in the stall—

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can order or shoo 'im, or run a knife through 'im

The one thing you cannot do is stick it to 'im.

If you try to seduce 'im, you'll end in a fix,

His prickles defend him against rampant pricks.

You can bugger the ram, you can bugger the lamb,

You can bugger the ewe, though the weather's a sham,

You can bugger the tiger (it may caterwaul)

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can bugger the seal, you can bugger the eel,

You can bugger the crab, though they say it can't feel,

You can bugger the bat as the night casts its pall,

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can bugger the snake (hold it down with a rake),

Though to bugger the quetzal may be a mistake.

You can bugger the billy, the nanny the kid,

But to bugger the hedgehog just cannot be did.

You can bugger the slug, though it messes the rug,

You can bugger the different species of bug,

Or do it with a snail, if you slow to a crawl,

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

At the end of the day, when you've had your rough way

With all of those creatures, you'll just have to say

"That damned Erinaceous has been my downfall--"

For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

So just a fair warning to all SSN's.

If you're not a Hedgehog, don't come in.

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Originally posted by stikkypixie:

We're going through Peng threads awfully fast these days, shouldn't we be more economical?

Thanks once again for the overwhelming response to my posting regularly at this thread. But, as a leading member of the CN community I seek only recognition, not praise.... :rolleyes:
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Come now my children, and to you I will sing

A song about buggery, a very rude thing

You can bugger all creatures that lope slink or crawl

But the Hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

...

Now they say that old Noah, he did 'em in pairs

He buggered the sheep, and he buggered the bears

Up above on the deck, and below in their stalls

But the Hedgehog he never could bugger at all

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Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Leeo:

I was going to say something witty, but the vodka denied me!

I imagine that quite soon we will see a day when the Vodka will deny Leeo three times... </font>
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Originally posted by dalem:

Under Martian Law, Drunken Third Reich Part II: Electric Boogaloo will be resuminated at the House of dalemtopia this Saturday.

Seanachai will wear rubber pants.

I'm pretty sure it was your cat that tossed that drink into my lap. I demand that the rapiers be brought up earlier in the evening next time, so that I might engage Joe the Cat in a duel of honour.
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Originally posted by Seanachai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by dalem:

Under Martian Law, Drunken Third Reich Part II: Electric Boogaloo will be resuminated at the House of dalemtopia this Saturday.

Seanachai will wear rubber pants.

I'm pretty sure it was your cat that tossed that drink into my lap. I demand that the rapiers be brought up earlier in the evening next time, so that I might engage Joe the Cat in a duel of honour. </font>
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Originally posted by Seanachai:

Yes, and with four legs he's more stable and agile, as well. But I shall prevail.

A cat?

Let's face it, a mouse is going to be a physical challenge for you Seany-baby, so I would suggest sticking to a battle of wits.

Mace

[ October 27, 2004, 04:04 AM: Message edited by: Mace ]

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Originally posted by Breakthrough:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by stikkypixie:

We're going through Peng threads awfully fast these days, shouldn't we be more economical?

Thanks once again for the overwhelming response to my posting regularly at this thread. But, as a leading member of the CN community I seek only recognition, not praise.... :rolleyes: </font>
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