Maple Leaf Up!! The PENG THREAD goes North!!!

[jd]

Originally posted by Lawyer:

Enter a default judgment major victory in my name vs. jd

Sorry Jake, no standing, no in personam jurisdiction, motion denied counselor. Terms to be assesed later for a frivolous action. "In personam actio est, qua cum eo agimus qui obligatus est nobis ad faciendum alquid vel dandum", as my sainted grandmother used to say.

By the way Jake, I want to thank you for showing up in the pool. Your presence has give my fellow pudillians an opportunity to see that in comparison to you , I am a down right regular, scum sucking bottom dweller true, but there is worse. So thanks for making me look, well not so distasteful as before.

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If frogs had uzi's, snakes woudn't mess with them so much. - Hiram

[This message has been edited by jd (edited 02-06-2001).]

[mensch]

ey weissu ey isch gestern in Obi. Hab isch gesucht so Lampe für mein Dusche. Bin gegangen zu infosuse und hab isch gesagt: Duschlampe?

ey jetzt Hausverbot…!

[Guest Wildman]

Was that latin? Anyone was that Latin? Did I accidentally stumble into the Gladiator Forum.

No, just a couple of lawyers (scum-sucking assumed) with visions of warrior grandour.

--Really it's like a fight in the courtroom, dude, I'm the good guy...and that white-haired Barney overthere, he's the black hat man. It's like nasty and all uncool between him and me. I'll talk in a funny language like and mess with his cranium. Duuuuuude, waaaaaayyyy coooolllll!!!---

[Hakko Ichiu]

Originally posted by mensch:

ey weissu ey isch gestern in Obi. Hab isch gesucht so Lampe für mein Dusche. Bin gegangen zu infosuse und hab isch gesagt: Duschlampe?

ey jetzt Hausverbot…!

Editors Note:

The above is an example of "German Humor". This is not to be confused with anything resembling "humor" (or "humour") as commonly understood. It is an oxymoron in the same class as "Scottish Cuisine" and "Italian Efficiency". Another example would be the Jackalope:

Note that this model never saw combat in the European Theater of Operations.

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Ethan

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"We forbid any course that says we restrict free speech." -- Dr. Kathleen Dixon, Director of Women's Studies, Bowling Green State University

[Hamstersss]

The following people have never played a game against me and I demand that they rectify this situation:

Geier - Now the Old Firm and I discussed the possibility of a modern reenactment (Via CM) of the hacky-sack of Krakow. I would like someone to create the following scenario for us, subject to Johan's approval:

City full of Green and Regular (Maybe a smattering of Veteran) Polish infantry of all types (Well, as many types as the Poles have), with varying low levels of ammo. Facing them, from all sides, comes a horde of Crack and Elite Germans plus armor plus air support. Lots of ouching ensues.

Goanna - Mmmm, Lizard

Hakko - I should have played you, as you claimed I was your sycophant long, long ago.

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Car Wars sucked hard. In fact all Steve Jackson games sucked hard. What the hell was wrong with you, back then? Didn't you ever hear about the d20?!?!

No d20 back then fool. Cars Wars was only 4 dollars, what do you expect?

[Hamstersss]

Originally posted by Elijah Meeks:

Blah blah blah

Some means you, Lorak, as Rune despises me.

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Car Wars sucked hard. In fact all Steve Jackson games sucked hard. What the hell was wrong with you, back then? Didn't you ever hear about the d20?!?!

No d20 back then fool. Cars Wars was only 4 dollars, what do you expect?

[Guest Germanboy]

Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:

Another example would be the Jackalope:

Note that this model never saw combat in the European Theater of Operations.

Tosh - again you are exposing the depth of deprivation (that children, was an alliteration) that your so-called scholarship is not too spineless to sink to. I am deeply appalled by this display of shameless historical falsification on your part, and should demand a restoration of the honour of the years of research and the memory of Jackantelope operators you brainless agglomeration of H2O have besmirched. Everybody - and may I add, the Kitchensink - knows that the Jackantelope saw wideapread services in the last months of the war, when it was usually dropped onto advancing Allied columns from Jetfighters with usually devastating effects on their rubbery wheelthingies. So there. Go back to the cave whence you crawled.

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Andreas

Der Kessel

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[Hakko Ichiu]

Originally posted by Germanboy:

Tosh - again you are exposing the depth of deprivation (that children, was an alliteration) that your so-called scholarship is not too spineless to sink to. I am deeply appalled by this display of shameless historical falsification on your part, and should demand a restoration of the honour of the years of research and the memory of Jackantelope operators you brainless agglomeration of H2O have besmirched. Everybody - and may I add, the Kitchensink - knows that the Jackantelope saw wideapread services in the last months of the war, when it was usually dropped onto advancing Allied columns from Jetfighters with usually devastating effects on their rubbery wheelthingies. So there. Go back to the cave whence you crawled.

Once again, Andreas reveals himself to be a charter member of the "German Überrodents Never Lost a Battle, Despite Suffering Over-whelming Defeat at the Hands of Inferior Sub-Rodents Society". For your information, "Germanboy" (hmm, anybody see the connection?), Eisenhower personally forbade the employment of either the Pronghorn or Longhorn Jackelope in the ETO (see SHAEF Operational Order 2034580-1A-Blue, Jan. 12, 1945), although they were used to devastating effect against Japanese Long-range Balloons.

The German so-called V-Jackalopes never got out of the test ranches of Peenemunde because Hitler had previously disparaged Jackalopes as a bourgeois internationalist abomination. It was only after reports came in from the Japanese as to their ferocious efficacy (see Magic and Purple decrypts from Oct. 1944 onward) that Speer began his vain attempts to convince the Führer to close the Jackalope gap. All reports of Jackalope use in the field were propaganda for home-front consumption, as anyone with two braincells to rub together would know; I suppose that explains why you don't.

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Ethan

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"We forbid any course that says we restrict free speech." -- Dr. Kathleen Dixon, Director of Women's Studies, Bowling Green State University

[Guest Wildman]

Its horrible....the horror.....the horror...

I was sure that God would not be so cruel....so this must be Berli's work.

I had prayed that there was only one idjit who typed and thought like a nasty Scot, but NOOOOOOO!! What do I find on the web, but this...this travesty. I say sic the nasty lawyer types on them.

http://www.bogwomen.com/NEWGL/GLMAIN.asp

http://www.cyberhub.co.uk/

It's evil and needs to be destroyed.

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[Lorak]

Ok, Yahoo is still a piece of crap.

But I think I was able to upload the changes.

Tome Updates:

New Pictures of Moriarty and Wildman &son.

Babra-win

Mace-loss

Mark IV-win

Croda-loss

Meeks-win

Peng-loss

Jd-win

Lawyer-loss

Hiram-draw

Meeks-draw

Berli's address on the knights page is now fixed.

Game updates:

Moriarty,Germanboy,Hakko,and GiTom- winning

Lorak-Losing.

About sums it up.

Lorak the loathed

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"Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking."--William Butler Yeats

Cesspool

Combatmissionclub

and for Kitty's sake

=^..^=

[Roborat]

mildthing, those sites are truely disturbing. But what is infinitely more disturbing is the fact that you found them. Who in their right mind would look for something like that????

Hey Mr. NZer, get away from that animal for a minute, I have a question for you (or any other kiwi in the pool). ... Oh!, a goat huh, graduated from sheep to the hard stuff have you?

Anyway, I was looking at my calender today and it said something about today being Waitangi Day. What the hell is that. Is it like Sadie Hawkins Day or something? Maybe it's that on one day a year the sheep get to be on top?

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"With cat-like tread, Upon our prey we steal;

In silence dread, Our cautious way we feel." -G&S

[Iskander]

Whisky induced error...nothing to see here...

[This message has been edited by Iskander (edited 02-06-2001).]

[Lawyer]

Originally posted by Iskander:

I'd sic that gussied-up, hollow-headed public-tit parasite (aka Lawyer (not bold, quite deliberatly)) on your fetid, Tube living self!

Okay, Ike-Tyke, you've gone too far. Newt is now suing me for absconding with his $4 million book deal by misidentification.

I've always wanted to play a CM match with a mule-sniffin' F-250 drivin' piece of puke Dilbert from (GASP!) KENTUCKY?? Where so-called men like YOU are horny and animals are afraid...

Well, your sig says you want to drink as much as I do, but I don't think you're Man Enough to piss with the Lawyer. So I propose an Alcohol Face-Off to the Finish! No move is made on the field of battle unless the opponents are ****-Faced (Not sorry, jd, all similarities are intended).

So shall we do battle? Or will you be sleepin' with the "missus" tired old Derby loser out in the barn tonight?

Hey, I heard there's a Big City named Lexington where they have girls and plumbing and everything.... WOW!

You Port-a-Potty Sniffing Piece of ****e.

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Some days the sun just don't shine up a dog's behind.

-- Catfish Hunter

[Hakko Ichiu]

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Leather Tiger Press (Amsterdam, de Nederlands), world famous publishers of Grog Porn™, is proud to announce its latest release. Herewith an excerpt from:

A Boy and His Gun: An Instruction Manual for the Inexperienced Soldier on the Care and Use of His Equipment.

… As he sat alone in his gun emplacement, away from the prying eyes of his commanding officer, Corporal Harry Palmes contemplated his Bofors 40mm Anti-Aircraft Gun Mk2. Harry really enjoyed his gun. He liked to look at it. He liked to read the field manuals that told him how to use it. He loved to touch it, to run his hands along the steely length of its barrel, to press them hard on the spongy roundness of its two tow-wheels, to feel the heaviness of the cased ammunition in his cupped hands. Just the thought of putting his piece into action made him excited. But he was assigned to a rear-area, with never a chance of action. He was lonely in a way his squad-mates didn’t understand. They were off in town on leave, having hot chow, a drink, maybe even hitting the showers for a friendly game of snap the towel. Only Harry remained behind with his beloved gun.

Harry looked at his weapon with its barrel pointed dejectedly toward the ground. “Hmm,” he thought, “I think it needs a clean.” He got out his buffing rag. Then he pulled out his favorite lubricating oil and greased it up really well. He began to buff at the breach-block, then worked his way to the base of the hard, round barrel. Slowly he ran his hands back and forth, up and down, rubbing, buffing, polishing, sometimes hard and urgent, sometimes gentle, until he reached the swollen tip of the muzzle-brake. The pressure he applied suddenly caused the barrel to point skyward, ready for action.

Now another thought crossed his mind. “Do I dare? What if the CO catches me? I’d be so embarrassed.” As his conflicted hands left off their task, the barrel began to droop. “Ah, what the heck,” he thought. Harry placed a firm grip on the firing button and began to spray his weapon’s hot stream across the sky. The pleasure was intense, but somehow, Harry wasn’t really satisfied. “When will I see real action…”

©Leather Tiger Press: Amsterdam, de Nederlands (2001). All rights reserved.

[BFCElvis]

Kitty said:

#2, #6, #7.

K

Elvis said:

I don't undetstand what you are sayin.?

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"When they finally put you in the ground..I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down" Elvis Costello

[Iskander]

Originally posted by Lawyer:

I've always wanted to sniff a puking mule...

So shall we do battle? Or will you be sleepin' with the "missus" tired old Derby loser out in the barn tonight?

Taking this tripe in reverse order...

It must be because you live in the Socialist Republic of DC that you forget that those of us in Flyover Country have guns... LOTS of guns... and the "missus" is actually a much better shot that I am, so just watch your "spill-over taunts," there, slick.

Now, on to the meat of the act. What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is'a goin' on here?!? First that insufferable Rattrap starts chattering like a tickertape in October of '29, then an offhand allusion to some Shyster calls down the Death of a Million Chihuahua Nips! I'm not even a bleary Squire, for Bog's sake! Admittedly, I have a better grasp of AE (that's American English, not a reference to an AE .50 hollowpoint round that would in fact leave your head intact whilst blowing your body "clean off," as it's said) than most here, but get a friggin' grip!

StevietheWonderMouse slipped back into his own filth with nary a ripple on my counter-taunt, and then this look-at-me-with-my-new-red-sportscar-and-shiny-new-blonde-wife-never-mind-ditching-my-kids-'cause-I-had-a-mid-life-crisis-and-need-to-get-in-touch-with-my-manhood-or-at-least-my-in ner-Croda skank comes shooting his mouth off ON MY DIME! Well I'm sorry if I took you away from the Annual Marion Barry DC Snort-Off, but I'd sooner dip my ass in kerosene after a date with Mace before I -- A MERE 'POOL NONENTITY, MIND YOU -- would stoop to send you a setup!

Now go wax your red car and reflect upon all the years you've wasted... after you've had a good cry and filled up your Depends, try a second time and we'll see....

Ya' leech.

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"I send you a kaffis of mustard seed, that you may taste and acknowledge the bitterness of my victory."

[This message has been edited by Iskander (edited 02-06-2001).]

[Seanachai]

I have been to a hell that most of you will never see. I am attempting to read and post to the Thread through a public library text/web interface. Hiram...Lorak...help me. I am still without internet service...I thought it would be a rest, but this is horrible. Isn't that Berli I see before me? To all my opponents...some turns tomorrow. I don't know how long I can hold out like this. Better, perhaps, to end it all. Perhaps on Valentine's Day.

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Tremble, tyrants and you perfidious opprobrium of all the parties,

Tremblez! your parricidal projects finally will receive their prices!

But these sanguinary despots, But these accomplices of Berli,

All these tigers which, without pity, Bauhaus the centre of their mother!

We will enter the career When our elder is not there any more,

We will find there their dust And the trace of their virtues

[Goanna]

Somebody's gonna have to give me the gist of it, because when I try the bogwomen.com address from this end, I get this little ditty from Omantel:

Notice...

The blocking of this site was not a unilateral decision taken by OMANTEL. An overwhelming number of requests from the subscribers made us rethink our strategy and conform to the popular demand to block pornographic and certain hacking sites that encourage hacking such as this one.

OMANTEL is not unique in this industry to take such an action. Many ISPs in several different countries are taking steps to block such sites.

For those small number of subscribers who may differ in their opinions with OMANTEL, we hope that they will find Internet interesting in many other areas.

If you feel this message is in error, and the site you are visiting has been miss categorized, please e-mail admin@omantel.net.om with the appropriate link. Accordingly and based on the content the page may be categorized. Such event takes approx.72 hours.

I imagine if Hakko keeps it up, Battlefront will be on the list soon. Although I fail to understand how one mullah with a case of the ass qualifies as "An overwhelming number of requests"

Elvis, don't you fret none. Nobody ever understands what the hell Kitty is mewling on about with her one-liners. Just translate them all as a loud "ack!" followed by the expulsion of a hairball. If her sig wasn't so long I'd be convinced she just accidently walked across the keyboard and doesn't actually know how to type.

[Mark IV]

I see there has been some difficulty here, amongst our less-refined membership, on how Gentlemen handle a Draw outcome.

The esteemed Hakko Ichiu-sama and I entered into a state of hostilities on or about Septemer 10, 2000 (the actual declaration was received shortly after, after his usual practice). This war has now been concluded.

Once again, I lead by example:

Lorak!

Register a disgusting Draw for me, and the E. coli-siphoning, hamster-loving, gamey paramecium, Hakko Ichiu, who would indeed sound like a sneeze to the ethno-centric.

How does some snowbound Maine-brain tap out an algorithm that equates an ass-whuppin' 52-45 with a Draw? That makes 7 to the good in my book, and Mr. FixYourElection-san is dead as a lugnut where I come from, but No-o-o, it's a bloody Draw in CMBOville. Please fix or do somefink!!!

In a certain historical scenario which commences with the OK Corral on turn 1 and quickly escalates into real violence, this TD hugging, jeep-racing jabo slut hurled cannons, planes, bullets, missiles, planets, subpoenae, pointy things, and assorted vegetables for 30 straight turns against my valorous IVtruppen (except for two slimeballs who surrendered), called me everything but a primate, and dared me to cross that bridge.

Well, I dast. And a mere half year later, that bridge is mine, and so much more. Oh, yes, his little Ami chateaux now waft sauerkraut out the chimneys and echo to "Wacht am Rhein".

Actually there aren't many chimneys left and the chorus is a mite thin. No matter, flags are the right color and all is well. How he will explain the loss of 22 vehicles and 259 men to the American taxpayer is his problem. His Crews alone outnumbered my infantry.

He did manage to park near the smaller and much less attractive bridge, where he was held to a complete standstill by a 2-man squad remnant and half a CO unit. And a blowed-up Puma with no bullets.

At least two squadrons of jabos darkened my sky, immobilizing the heroic StuH which continued to pour vengeance on the invader to the end, and disabling the gun on the last of my mighty Mark IV state-of-the-art MBTs, after killing one of its brethren (sniff). My men quailed not. They did cower for about 10 minutes, but bounced right back when they were sure the planes were gone. And went on to achieve glories reminiscent of Meggido and Ulm.

So, while deficient bookkeeping may rob me of the victory which is rightfully and mathematically mine, I am not bitter. I seek only to heal, not to divide. One people, one village, one river, I always say.

Let me know when you have another 140th of a lifetime available, as I am still very unhappy with that MG in the church.

[This message has been edited by Mark IV (edited 02-07-2001).]

[BFCElvis]

You're right Lizardboy..she is an idiot isn't she?

By the way did you send me a zip file of zipped files?

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"When they finally put you in the ground..I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down" Elvis Costello

[Goanna]

Meek’s it seems the time has come to shift you from the “Cesspool Bitches Yet To Be Slapped” to the “Now Whimpering Supplicant’s” column since I have one currently unfilled slot on my dance card. I won’t fill your head with a long list of Fionnesque conditions that guarantee my victory on the battlefield, because as always, I will win the propaganda war in any case. Just ask former satisfied customers such as MarkyMarkVI, who has had to retreat to a arranging a tradeshow of combat fishes, to avoid a return engagement. I will, however, state some non-binding preferences:

1. I’m a turn a day kinda guy. I don’t want one of these 30 turn QB’s that take 12 months to finish because you have some nancing around to do in the great white north (Seanachai), or a pod who is so scatterbrained he can’t even remember how many kids he has.

2. I look fantastic in field grey and it allows me use of my favourite bit of nastiness, the schreck.

3. I don’t give a fig for fair or historically accurate. Fun is my bag. So feel free to stock up on all the mg jeeps, trucks, crew recon commandos (don’t you wish those were for sale in the store) and catapult launched car bombs you want.

4. I am comfy with canned scenario, QB or hellish setup and troop purchase by a third party pool member (provided they hold a currently valid ID card).

So name your scenario or QB prefs and a bile-filled file will be speeding its way to you from the Umm as Samim. Then, prepare to feel the back of my hand. I won’t need the brick and anyway bauhaus has it all gummed up with something or other.

[Goanna]

No, Elvis, you bouffant encrusted imbecile, as the erudite covering e-mail had stated, I sent you a zipped file containing:

1 - PBEM setup file

2 - .gifs showing the setup screens (since picures really do save me 1000 words)

1 - virus which infects only windoze machines

Here's hoping all three are working their magic as we type.

Do you need me to resend them or shall I have Hiram pop around and show you how to turn the monitor on?

[This message has been edited by Goanna (edited 02-07-2001).]

[Mace]

Originally posted by Elvis:

Elvis said:

I don't undetstand what you are sayin.?

Elvis,

Kitty was refering to MarkIV's 10 rules that he listed a few pages back. The numbers refer to numbered entries in that list. You then read the corresponding entries. Then your brain does some processing, and you finally comprehend the entries and go "Aha, now I understand"!

Oh, and because this is the pool, I must add the obligatory "You suck heaps"!

Mace (providing another cess community service)

[Mace]

Originally posted by Goanna:

Elvis, don't you fret none. Nobody ever understands what the hell Kitty is mewling on about with her one-liners.

#1. Refer to my post immediately above!

#2. Adopt a more holistic approach to pool reading!

#3. Refer to dictionary and look up the word "holistic"

#4. If stuck on #3, refer to dictionary and look up "dictionary"

#5. If stuck on #4, return to primary school and study basic reading (or steal a copy of "Tom and Betty").

Hope this helps!

Mace

[mensch]

LORAK!!! word of warning, mensch is on the rampage

two games against the Mookster... he sucks.. large... big time... and so on.

first game:

Mensch: German kick ass FalschirmRodents

Meeks: American we have crap tanks

Debriefing: a dark night somewhere in France, Marcel was eating bree or maybe it was that bad milk he decided to chew on... meeks advanced slowly..his tank crews high on LSD. Menschs forces move and grab a victory flag and leave the other for the git Mooks. my SUPERYOUCANTDESTROYME StuG was on the prowl. i sent a 1/3 of my company to hold the victory flag and automaticaly target the area with my 81mm FO... (they deserved it they didn't sing "deutschland deutschland wo würden wir sein ohne deine wurstchen" at the mess). Meeks takes the bait and attacks with 2/3 of his forces and finds 81mm can be damn acurate! acceptable losses for me. Mean while his LSD M10's are on the prowl too but like I said high on drugs makes a tank miss 6 times at 200m!!!! and his zook next to it must have dropped some E becuase he missed too, twice.. my StuG quickly dispatched his M10 in 4 shots and moved to help my non musical lads at the main flag.

Meeks was getting mad and swearing more then a Marine who just got drippy dick from a mule in Tailand. So the guy sends his other M10 to kill my SUPERIAMLAUGHINGHARD StuG.. but my tank comander did not like the haircut of his tank comander and removed his head with the MG34 or somefink, this in turn caused his M10 to continue to hunt into Püppetchenland and died a burtal death... his FO must have had a map of Spain because his barrage was so off and so inaccurate I felt so bad I wanted to send my FO to his to show him how to call in a strike.

Result: Feck was said 104 times from meeks, he had 85 casualties (18 KIA), 2 tanks lost, and 55 troops, which 50% of them were routed or searching for extra undies to change - 24% victory. Mensch who split a side laughing hard had 47 casualties (14 KIA), 78 men ok and one KICKASSYOMAMAISSOFAT StuG party dancing on the battle field - 54%

Minor vicory for Axis... yeeehaa!

second game:

the bloodiest game I had since Germanlad wiped my sorry little ass in our first pbem.

but I WON.. MUHAHAHAHAHA!

mensch: British forces

101 casualties (26 KIA), 1 mortar destroyed, one vehicle Knocked out, 40 men ok.. 47%

Meeks: German forces

110 casualties (30 KIA), 8 captured, 5 vehicles knocked out (mostly burning), 16 men ok... 35%

again he had me.. till my 4.5inch arty made mush out of his troops.. muhahahaha.. sorry no rockets *sigh*

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www.derkessel.com Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.