It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Hmmmmm, a TOURNEY eh? With a prize no less, very interesting. Quick MrSpkr I think it's time for an executive council meeting of the Committee on UnCessPudlian Practices! By Gawd, well root these subversive bastiches out yet, so we will.

Sir Joe Shaw, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

ROIGHT! It appears, Sir Shaw, that Seanachai's disease is spreading. I knew we should have quarantined half the MBT and burned the rest.

Sigh. Okay, a council has been called. I shall bring the okra (I have enough of the stuff growing in the backyard anyway . . .)

[Juardis]

So there I was reading the grafitti on Plato's outhouse when I saw a point in a pointless thread and my brain exploded. But having no brain accentuates the other senses since thinking only blocks the being. So I have since become one with the outhouse.

While being one with the outhouse, I noticed an odiferous odor and, being in an outhouse and all, was not surprised. Except this odiferous odor was coming from below the hole in the ground. So I took the ole from me pocket, dropped it over the ole in the ground, and wound up in this cesspool.

At first I was frightened, what with it being dark and odiferous and all. Then I heard them. Rules! Starting with x.x, up through 1, and ending....well, they haven't even started. Rules are so...so...so outerboardian. Surely there is anarchy in the famed cesspool of peng? But if not the famed cess, maybe this is a cheap imitation? Oh where oh where am I? Who am I? And why am I such a git? The only answers lie backward, not forward, so backwards I must go. And backwards I went into the dark night of the day. In fact, I backed right up face to face with a pernicious kinnit. Pernicious kinnits I should say (but I won't). So what have you perny kinnits done with the denizens of peng?

I demand better!!! Maybe I should take me ole, SOD OFF, and drop into another hole that has a lock over it and a picture of a bald-guy saying stay out!

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Jar 'o This has suggested: I demand better!!! Maybe I should take me ole, SOD OFF, and drop into another hole that has a lock over it and a picture of a bald-guy saying stay out!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> See, that wasn't so hard was it? Just SOD OFF and all will be well. Do be sure to SOD OFF, however, since you apparently can't be bothered with actually READING the rules. However, before you SOD OFF (now don't forget, that's very important), you might note the section dealing with CHALLENGES ... this being the Peng Challenge Thread, aka The Mutha Beautiful Thread, aka The One The True CessPool and sometimes simply called ... the 'Pool. So if, by some mischance, you don't SOD OFF, and we REALLY would prefer that you DO ... SOD OFF that is, then you might consider READING the rules and actually challenging some other low-life SSN (Scum Sucking Newbie) ... otherwise feel free to SOD OFF.

Joe

[Juardis]

I see no SSNs (and I have proven the fact that I can indeed see whilst lounging about in Plato's outhouse). I only see pernicious kinnits. And, as every bottom dweller knows, kinnits taste best when cooked over a cold fire. As a general rule, since rules are meant to be broken but never ever read, I never challenge a kinnit to a cooking contest becuase, well, they cheat. Take akin for example. That gamey kinnit has a rule about toes and guns. It's unfair for him to be using limber toes when the rest of us peng wannabes have to keep our guns hidden.

So I demand a pengian, a...what did you kinnit call him, a SSN? I demand a SSN pengian! Alas, I don't believe a pengian exists in this thread. In fact, I wouldn't even call this a cesspool. Maybe a clear pool of muddy water, but certainly not cessy in anyway.

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Juardis:

a bunch of jabber <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Are you by any chance related to Pawbroon?

[Triumvir]

Rrrright. Having lurked for nigh on one and a half years, and having broken silence by accident three months ago, I think it is time to claim my rightful place as an SSN. It's five months to CMBB, the Gimn Sovetskogo Soyuza is blaring from the speakers, the office is all dark and I've got a force-feedback mouse. Hit it!

And my first victim is.... Juardis! It's fitting that another first-time SSN should be the first to feel my brilliant secret plan of climbing out of trenches and walking slowly in formation towards waiting machine guns! It worked wonders for Haig, didn't it?

[Seanachai]

Roight, then.

Where to begin?

Let me start by saying that: Peng is a right bastard, and I have never been more proud of challenging him to a PBEM than I was after reading his most recent post to the last incarnation of this Thread. Should a significant accident of nature occur, and I am blessed with a child (and it cursed with me), I will name it after him. By that I mean, I will name it 'Mr. Peng' because his Real World name it too horrible to inflict upon a child.

What a tangled web we weave, when first we begin to have a bit of a go at each other, and a jolly jest at each other's expense. It doesn't rhyme worth ****e, frankly, but it sums up the situation.

I will not go further into recent Bad Cess, except to say this, as an individual, and not as anything approaching...no, sod that for a lark, I'll say it as one of The Old Ones. Stuka, Stalin's Organ, please contact me by email, if you haven't already resolved your differences. Sometimes, lads, there's nothing like a short, fat, white-haired, long-winded pillock with a delight in all things philosophical to make one's differences fade into insignificance in relation to being counseled on them by someone who actually likes you, and could 'bore' for his nation in the Olympics.

I would post more, or even try to get some turns out, but I'm completely buggered, sick , over-extended, and it's still so goddamn hot here it's moving me to tears. 'They' promise us a beak in the weather by Friday. We shall see.

As for the rest of you, you're looking a bit peaked. A bit weak. A bit 'Oh, no, Seanachai, we're simply too wrapped up in how useless we are to ever think of posting anything interesting!'

ROIGHT, THEN, I WANT TO SEE EVERYONE BELOW THE RANK OF 'KNIGHT' DO 20 LAPS AROUND THE THREAD!

And as for the 'Knights', I want an essay, 25 words or more, on "How The Peng Challenge Thread Has Redeemed My Otherwise Useless Existence".

ROIGHT, THEN...BEGIN!

[Triumvir]

Hah! A beak in the weather? This isn't some threat to set free the wundernichtsgeflugelschnabelvogelwaffe divebombing penguins, is it? 'They' are always looking for an excuse to sneak in new evil, like Russian tanks in Texas!

The big black invisible helicopters never rest!

[CMplayer]

Joe Shaw wrote:

> ... yours is probably the most uninspired

> handle since ... well ...

It's generic, like user_name, so what's the

biggie? When I registered I was only planning

to ask a couple of questions so it didn't

matter what handle I took. Now I've become

fond of it, rather like an old shoe. So

it's staying. Thanks for...oh never mind.

Snacho Panza wrote:

> A.) Let's stop the grovelling.

To me, trying to sound tough to gain the

dubious acceptence of this bunch would be

a more disqusting form of grovelling.

> 2.) What's with the tag-line?

It's just a personal quip, to constantly

remind Hairbrain-Yikes Trenchfoot that I

whipped his beheeny on his favorite setup,

and that he has yet to return the favor. When

he wins back his knife, the .sig will

disappear. It's a way of upping the

emotional ante in our impending grudge

match. Don't tell me that sort of sentiment

is entirely foreign to you?

> we do not allow smileys in our thread.

are you speaking for the rest of your

presumed buddies here, or just yerself...

> You seem to have a problem with

> line-breaks.

I like to do it that way, so get used

to it.

> By the moniker you have chosen for

> yourself, it would seem you have all

> that is required to beat me in a game.

See above reply to Shaw. It's generic,

as in "_just another_ CM player", not as in

"_the_ CM player". My Gawd, do you take me

for some kind of egomaniac or what?

> I will however, make fun of you for your

> stupidity,

granted...

> insipidness,

okay fine...

>and general slothful appearance,

Now that's going too far! Listen toots,

you may have chosen a 'small' map, you

may have all the 300mm rocket artillery

in the world zeroed in on my setup zone,

but either you are going to taste my wrath

in our match or I will go down in flames

trying. This one is personal! Look in your

mailbox, you peer-bullied sycophant. Hrumph.

with warmest regards,

your devoted servant,

--Rett

[ 08-09-2001: Message edited by: CMplayer ]

[Panzer Leader]

My Buddy, I do believe you are deserving of your very first "Attaboy!" Now, I think a good assignment for you would be to read every post good knight Seanachai has ever written. His member numbers 1302, FYI.

Though you may never actually complete this task, hidden like precious jewels within the rhinestone gown of his weave is the true meaning of life, the universe, and well, everything.

Also, having forgotten an entire branch of the armed services while picking my forces in our upcoming battle, I await the set-up with trepidation.

[Mace]

Lorak, please pull out your quill and note:

Mensch once again is victorious with a (minor, miniscule, eentsy-teensty) allied tactical victory - but oh what a victory with he loosing more, yes more, infantry than I did, and he on the defensive as well.

I warned him that he would get RSI from writing home to the family and loved ones of all those sweet, innocent Poles who he destroyed! All it took was one push of the surrender button but NoooOOOOooo, did he listen?

Mensch: Polish and victorious at 61 (of course the victory tainted by being Polish) - severe case of wrist RSI to follow

147 casualties; 3 mortars destroyed

Mace: Fallschirmjager and fighting for the VFs to the last, lost in game but not in spirit(s) 27 - who's not writing because it's always an honor for his men to fall for the fatherland, and everyone expects it!

122 casualties; 1 mortar destroyed; 4 vehicles destroyed

Now next time Mensch, I pick the setup ok?

Mace

[Lawyer]

NEWS FLASH... NEWS FLASH... NEWS FLASH...

08-09-01; 09:00 EDT --- Radio Free Lawyer announced today that the long-awaited invasion of Belgium has begun. Strong Legal Forces, heroically led by General Jake, will be airlifted this evening to a staging area near Brussels in preparation for a ground assault on the Ardennes starting tomorrow.

The 54th Motorized Briefcase Brigade will lead the way to Malmedy, Bastogne, La Roche, and all points surrounding them related to the Battle of the Bulge. General Jake expects to enlarge the salient of his own belly bulge as part of this assault.

Our mission is staightforward -- Destroy whatever culture is left in the Ardennes after two world wars and 50 years of socialism. We are mobile, agile, and hostile. We will engage and destroy all targets of opportunity using whatever level of force is necessary.

Legal Forces will be armed with the highly effective "FlamerMouth" that is fueled by toxic alcohol. This is a deadly close assault weapon that can stun and demolish individual victims, while also serving as an area weapon capable of clearing out a whole barroom very quickly. Adhering to strict Legal Doctrine, we do not expect to take any prisoners.

Legal Forces will complete our destruction of the Ardennes in two weeks, after which we will return here to complete the destruction of assorted Cesspool gits, and of course, Mr. Tinkles. During the interim, all Lawyer PBEM games will be in abeyance.

That is all.

[ 08-09-2001: Message edited by: Lawyer ]

[Mace]

NEWS FLASH!...NEWS FLASH!...NEWS FLASH!

Eurodollar takes sudden fall; suicide rates triple in France, Belgium, Holland and Germany; Eurocouncil disbands NATO and declares war on the USA; Euroalliance fighters scrambled to shoot down incoming civilian aircraft arriving from USA; Pope forewarns second coming of the Anti-christ;

More to follow....

[BFCElvis]

Have a nie trip Lawyerboy. Getting out of town just as the gettin is good in our game.

[Lars]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

ROIGHT, THEN, I WANT TO SEE EVERYONE BELOW THE RANK OF 'KNIGHT' DO 20 LAPS AROUND THE THREAD!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Just...{puff}...12...{huff}...more...{puff}...laps...{huff}...to...{puff}...go,...{huff}...anyone...{puff}...got...{huff}... a...{puff}...smoke?

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

And as for the 'Knights', I want an essay, 25 words or more, on "How The Peng Challenge Thread Has Redeemed My Otherwise Useless Existence".

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

"How The Peng Challenge Thread Has Redeemed My Otherwise Useless Existence"

It's all about the sig files. You see, before I squeegied out a corner for myself here in the Pool, I thought I really hated sig files, but as I began to see the same witty comments and slogans appear again and again and again and again, I began to realize that true hatred had yet to be realized. Since that day, after being subjected to painful doses of sig wit and the occasional Towering Croda Abomination sig, I have come to truly understand the full measure of my loathing for sig files.

I consider that a relevant form of redemption for myself.

Oh, and Seanachai, send me a setup, you overbearing, posturing, jive-talking turkey.

[Lawyer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace:

NEWS FLASH!...NEWS FLASH!...NEWS FLASH!

Eurodollar takes sudden fall<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Exactly according to my battle plan so my US dollars will buy more... Buwhahahahaha......

[Panzer Leader]

You know...((musing))... methinks our good Swedish friend Gaeiour has it in for me. First there is the whole riff about (this was long ago, mind you, many may not remember) him thinking I am serious and coming back with a HUGELY serious post damning me to eternal unreadability. Ouch. I ive throuh my words and it cut me to the quick, laddies.

But now, oh now, he has started a new policy. Our chum (not the salmon) Gaeiour has become jaded somehow. I have a feeling it could be caused by our bald caretaker, Mr Mad-shimbleshanks-Matt who gave Gaeiour's sorry-assed thread the premature boot due to its flagrant disregard for the elements of style, as written by Mr. Strunk and Mr. White.

But, to add injury to insult, MadhatterMatt double-blessed my own meager attempt at helping the Mutha Beautiful out of the straits she found herself in. First he gives me the ubiquitous nod to "run with it" and then, then, he makes an UNPRECEDENTED appearance as the second post to personally lay down the olive branch from before his privates (ewww...)

So, I think Gaeiour is envious. Sheez, me a squire, he must be bad off indeed.

Hey Gaeiour!

Hey Gear!

Hey GEER!!!

Listen Geier, I think we need to put the past behind us and meet at dawn for a duel of wit, panache, and basic goodness (me) vs. evil (you). The time has come, Swede, to meet your maker. You may choose the field of battle and the weapon of choice, but I WILL HAVE MY SAY!

And stop repeating over and over how you ignore my posts. We all know you read them, inspect them, tear them apart, looking for any shred of weakness with which to tear me down. Here is your toe-hold:

I really like you, in a kinda funny but not ha-ha way.

[Juardis]

Triumvir (if that is your real name), are you a true pengian or just another kinnit? If pengian by birth, or even if not, then I shall meet you next to the garbage heap I passed on the way down to this...this...cesspool (I still think it unworthy of cessy, but s'est la vie). Look for the burned out assault boats. I'll be in one of them.

Since you have apparently been hiding here for a long time, I charge you with setting the battle parameters according to the rules that may or may not exist in these here parts. Because Peng knows, I don't want to bring down the wrath of the natives for not reading an unwritten rule that only aiken knows about.

Now, if I can ever find my way back to the outhouse from whence I came, then I could possibly SOD off before finishing my 20 laps.

[ 08-09-2001: Message edited by: Juardis ]

[Lars]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

I really like you, in a kinda funny but not ha-ha way.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So you like him in a funny peculiar way? That’s just sick and wrong.

Edited to say "not that there is anything wrong with that", ala Jerry Seinfield

[ 08-09-2001: Message edited by: Lars ]

[DekeFentle]

Updates because secretly I know you all care…

Mace has taken a two day hiatus after losing his first of many Panthers. What’s up there ol’chap?

Agua Perdido sent a turn (singular as in one) while on vacation. While I laud his effort I found his execution sadly lacking as usual.

Leo is desperately trying to figure out how to set up his 3000 points worth of gamey Germans in hopes of actually playing our latest endeavor. Perhaps #4 will be the charm but I doubt it.

SpeedBump (I finally figured out it was him cause he told me) is lazily moving into position to DIE A LOT. It would seem that RL has intruded upon his already dismally slow response time.

Stalin’s Organ and I are embarking on a 3000 point assault in which I will endeavor to perform satisfactorily as the assaulte. I have grave doubt in my ability to do this but have decided it’s high time I saw a true Allied attacking horde.

Marlow SEND A TURN!!!

When the Whuppin' boy speaks, gather round and hearken well. Pain is humanities most eloquent mentor.

[stevetherat]

Horahhh!

The bessed Mr Fixit Bloke has revived my Mac and it's coming home tomorrow!

There shall be a tickertape parade along Princess Road if any of you are in the vacinity. You're all welcome. There's a weenie roast too at sunset. BYO booze. That especially goes to you Iksy, as I know you could happily drain the contents of whatever Glen(insert appropriate name here) vat in a single sitting.

Immediately after these ceremonious delights I shall set about returning the files I owe (from which many surrenders will return to me, no doubt).

It has cost a shade under £300 to get my data recovered and install a brand new 20GB fast HD. A price I shall recover from my retailer, I hope. I still have no offers of representation for this procedure, in spite of the proliferation of legal types frequenting this squagmire of a hole. No loss though, two-a-penny these days.

Right, I'm off to hoover the guest bedroom and wash the sheets to prepare for my long lost purple friend.

See you, weenie in hand, tomorrow!

StR

[PawBroon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

And as for the 'Knights', I want an essay, 25 words or more, on "How The Peng Challenge Thread Has Redeemed My Otherwise Useless Existence".<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I hope that one day the Forum can be more like the Peng Challenge Threads where the Poolers live.

The Peng Challenge Threads they have trees and Poolers and barbecues.

This is why I love the Peng Challenge Threads more than I love the Forum.

[David Aitken]

The debate rages on: Is Colonel_Deadmarsh vegetable or mineral?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>2) Why do some off-board arty teams say "mortar" and others are just regular arty?

For instance, the 4.2 inch is called a "mortar" and yet the 4.5 inch is not. What gives?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Duuuuhhhh... wellll.... I'm stuck on that one.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>4) What are these rockets on the German side?

Are they launched from planes? How accurate are they compared to the off-board arty guns or mortars?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes of course they're launched from planes... that's why you can use them in all weathers whereas you can only use fighter-bombers in clear skies. And as for their accuracy... why the hell don't you just try them and see??? Do you actually own Combat Mission? Have you ever heard of it? Do you know what day it is, or your own name??

There may be hope for this creature, but I doubt it.

[PawBroon]

David, take some Dried Frog Pills...

Deadmarsh is a Sculpted Cucumber.

As it is, he's qualified in both the minerality and veggies department.

But he has a point.

How come things that have not the same names are so often modelled as if they were differents.

Is a Glide Bomb a rocket?

Why can't my rocket run?

If I buy 3 rockets, am I better off that if I'd bought a rocket stuck on a tripod?

Are rockets hard coded.

Last game I had a rocket surrender to me in a TCP/IP game with the TacAI, was it gamey?

When you were in your teens, how did you MOD your zits to look more adult?

Is Rob/1 older than me?

Hey Dudes! Somebody told me there were chicks on this Board?

How crazy is that ****?!