Lawyer Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by *Captain Foobar*: Until you can find a way to beat me you dont even deserve that. I mean, come on... I got beat by PENG, It cant be that tough.... Shhooosh, look quickly, Class. There goes the elusive Foobar twitting through the trees, preening and prancing, all show and no go. More rarely seen here than a spotted owl in a lumber camp, yet more persistent and bothersome than a hungry sparrow at McDonald's, the Foobar is a spiteful and noisy bird, offering little nutrition for making the effort to consume its pathetic soul, but causing much aggravation and energy lost in chasing its Sorry Butt. Did we mention that Foobar snookered the poor innocent Lawyer in the infamous "Singling Shootout" scenario? Touted as a "good gaming opportunity" by the Wicked Foobar, this ultra-gamey scenario turned out to be a point-blank massacre with me in the starring victim roles. I shall remember you when I visit Malmedy this summer, Foobie. Is this sparring character posting today the same Foobar who ignored my request for a re-match with fair sides last autumn, and again this year? Well, hard to say, since the Working Class Zero has been, like his heroes Marx and Engels, hanging out in Europe most of the time when he isn't tanning it up at the expense of California taxpayers (should there be such beings). So yes, Foobar, you shall soon feel the Sting of Lawyer Defeat. I promise it will hurt far more than smelling Peng's breath in your Close Encounters of the Peng Kind. But will probably be less sexually stimulating for you. Which is all to the better for Mankind's preservation. ------------------ There are good reasons why the movie was called "Patton" rather than "Hodges". [This message has been edited by Lawyer (edited 03-21-2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by jd: Facing, as memory serves, several Hellcats, 3 Sherman Jumbos and another tank or two, my brave TC has been playing hide and seek with the task force assigned his destruction. I believe the Panther's kill stats are at 6 and still he continues to prowl behind Mace's lines. A true Ghost in the Darkness he bedevils and out maneuvers, outfoxes and out shoots all who are sent against him. Aha! You actually admit that the Panther is your prime source of corruption! I will be of course summoning the occupants of said Panther to front before the commission into gamey CMBO practices. Originally posted by armornut: Dear heroic and most honorable sir, if I may, I have had some experiance with sheep. Though I do not know the ins and outs of sheep as do you, oh mighty knight, but I have cared for them as a younger lad. I am honored that you would notice my undeserving presance. If I can be of any service, just hurl something heavy at my head. I would be proud to have a head injury from such a grand knight. Lorak, most unholiest of scribes, scribe this: With this blow to the back of his head with a cricket bat, I will release Armornut from serfdom and claim him as my squire. He will learn my secret ways: how to flee from a loosing fight while casting aspersions about the playing ability of one’s opponent; how to gloat about one’s tactical brilliance when winning; and of most import, how to sneak up on a flock of sheep without spooking them. THWACK!!!!!! Originally posted by Stuka: UGH! Its getting gross in here! All these bootlicking, fawning Serfs are getting the floor all sticky. Grovelling and cavorting in an attempt to catch the eye of a knigget....disgusting. It wasn't like that in my day, noo sireee. When I was a squire I had pride, pride I tell you! I merrily hopped around, banging the obligatory coconut shells together for the pleasure of my knight and I was proud. Bah! Kids these days....mutter.....mutter. You’re just jealous that you have no one to lug around your mighty implements of war (or *chortle* hold up those large listening flaps of yours *giggle*)! Mace btw, whatever happened to the undertoadling Chucky6? [This message has been edited by Mace (edited 03-21-2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armornut Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 THWACK!!!!!! Thank you sir, may I have another? I am in the deepest of debt to you. Fetch your beer, shine your boot, and groom the sheep sir? If it pleases thee sir? Just toss something at me head again sir, when I am needed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorak Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 By Mace: Lorak, most unholiest of scribes, scribe this: With this blow to the back of his head with a cricket bat, I will release Armornut from serfdom and claim him as my squire. He will learn my secret ways: how to flee from a loosing fight while casting aspersions about the playing ability of one’s opponent; how to gloat about one’s tactical brilliance when winning; and of most import, how to sneak up on a flock of sheep without spooking them. THWACK!!!!!! So it is bleated, so it is done. Lorak the loathed ------------------ "Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking."--William Butler Yeats Cesspool Combatmissionclub and for Kitty's sake =^..^= Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Aitken Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 PBEM Report I gather Berli played Leeo in the fog. For our smack-the-newbie contest I have chosen a dark, wet winter's night. My men look cold. I don't know what his men look like, and I doubt I will before the time runs out. After demonstrating to Meeks why a Hetzer crew is ill-advised to drive out and wave to a pair of Challengers, I executed a cunning infantry feint to divert his artillery and reserves. This has been an outstanding success, as now he has none of either. And neither did he in the first place. I then launched my main attack behind a fearsome 3" mortar barrage. Unfortunately the enemy was closer behind it. After heroically forcing the enemy to reveal his positions, my lead platoon effected a masterly withdrawal, and the two men retaining their wits and limbs reflected their admiration of their CO with a charming promise of disembowelment. Meanwhile I have been endeavouring to coax both my Challengers into engaging the enemy's Pillbox AT gun at the same time. After spending most of their time going backwards, one has finally forgotten about this mortal threat to its wellbeing long enough to complete a crash course in 75mm AP penetrations. The remaining crew faces a field court martial, which will probably comprise being driven out in front of the pillbox and having their tracks removed. The outcome of the battle shall favour he who can convince his men that the fate which awaits them if they don't acknowledge there is actually a war on, is far worse than that presented by the enemy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillies Phan Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by armornut: Thank you sir, may I have another? I am in the deepest of debt to you. Fetch your beer, shine your boot, and groom the sheep sir? If it pleases thee sir? Just toss something at me head again sir, when I am needed. your sycophantic mewlings make me retch. ------------------ http://www.derkessel.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest *Captain Foobar* Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Did we mention that Foobar snookered the poor innocent Lawyer in the infamous "Singling Shootout" scenario? Touted as a "good gaming opportunity" by the Wicked Foobar, this ultra-gamey scenario turned out to be a point-blank massacre with me in the starring victim roles. I shall remember you when I visit Malmedy this summer, Foobie. How pathetic. Anyone with tactical abilities surpassing a 5 year old Stratego player could have found a way to win that one as Allies. You had 15 or so Shermans, plus hordes of infantry, vs 2 Panthers, 2 Stugs, and a pillbox. Its called smoke, fool. It's great for blocking LOS. You should try it sometime. Typical borgeouise line of crap. Crying foul over your own incompetance. Your stuffy pedigrees and connections with the beautiful people wont help you here. Marching 12 Shermans 1 by 1 into my sights is not the best use of resources, but I am not surprised. Chalk it up to operator error. And furthermore, I never ducked a game with you. That charge is preposterous. Ask Roborat, I am a very diligent player. So lets get it on, you bloated hack. This one isnt for squirehood, its just for the joy of hate. And dont try any of that gamey manoovring crap either. [This message has been edited by *Captain Foobar* (edited 03-21-2001).] [This message has been edited by *Captain Foobar* (edited 03-21-2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leeo Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by Phillies Phan: your sycophantic mewlings make me retch. I agree completely! While I may be a pissboy, I treat my job with reverance and dignity. I am here to serve the kinnigets (bloody feckin' suckers of sweat from the workin' class), and though I do my duty, I pursue that duty with aloofness and pride. I have the cleanest bucket in the land, and were the truth to be known, them kinnigits regularly scuffle to relieve themselves in my quality pot (sit down, Bauhaus). I am a worker. Not a sycophant or mambie to the noble class. I take pride in my work, and should some kinniget choose to employ me at some point, I will treat said kinniget with respect and honor, not the mewling drivel of the spineless. Now that I've stated my case, I must return to my "job". "Alright, this one's full." (emptying bucket into nearby bushes) NEXT!! ------------------ It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money! [This message has been edited by Leeo (edited 03-22-2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herr Oberst Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by Wildman: whatever *grunt* *grunt* poot! There Wildman, is the worth of your rhetoric. And I feel I may have overspent my effort as it is... ------------------ To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by mensch: *yawn* you insults are failing, hard to imagine you breathe oxygen. file is in your email, challanges states *yawn* I tire or your insults.. it appears to me you can't insult someone without involving testicles and your typical female "ugh i am woman hear me roar!" routine. =/ ZZzz . . . I take any derison from you as compliment, O' thief of my emoticons. =P Kitty ------------------ Hamsters at War! Chicks With Tanks Lorak's FTX "I'd rather the Bees than your Mask of Shame." - Stuka The McNoldy Group Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moriarty Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by Leeo: I am here to serve the kinnigets (bloody feckin' suckers of sweat from the workin' class), and though I do my duty, I pursue that duty with aloofness and pride. Bloody feckin' suckers, eh, beano? Well, at least you got that right, pot polisher. You talk the talk, but do you walk the walk? ------------------ "Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change." -- Oddball "Crap." -- Moriarty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by Phillies Phan: Speaking of etiquette: I changed usernames and stopped all of my PBEM's. What if I were to continue one PBEM? Considering that I have committed the "unpardonable sin" of not continuing the other PBEMs, what do I need to do be forgiven? I know that I have been cast out of the group I was never welcome in. Find the conundrum. Our game was never closed. It sits waiting, patient as a dog at the pound, one that will never go for the injection. But Phillies Phan? Really, Hiram, that's just so silly. And you were welcomed in, lad. We all liked you (eventually) and we all welcomed you in. 'Course, that said, it's a lot like getting a big hug at a leper colony and a french kiss at the free clinic, but there you go. The Peng Challenge Thread embraces the prodigal son. What it does to the penitent isn't to be thought upon. 'Mea Culpa' is for losers. 'I'm back' is for Cesspoolers. Look at Meeks, the useless toad. He should be nuzzling all of our insteps and making little whining noises for forgivnance. Instead, he's cheating horribly and abusing me in a PBEM, the schismatic bastard. Rather like him, though. Hope to attend his funeral one day. ------------------ Tremble, tyrants and you perfidious opprobrium of all the parties, Tremblez! your parricidal projects finally will receive their prices! But these sanguinary despots, But these accomplices of Berli, All these tigers which, without pity, Bauhaus the centre of their mother! We will enter the career When our elder is not there any more, We will find there their dust And the trace of their virtues Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by chrisl: He managed an amazing feat of crowding an entire company of broken troops into what looked like a single terrain tile-- it's some sort of "clown rough terrain" bug, or else Eddie is in the space-time continuum again and jd has troops popping out of a wormhole near the map edge. Bless you, you useless sod. That's the first truly good laugh I've had in many days. ------------------ Tremble, tyrants and you perfidious opprobrium of all the parties, Tremblez! your parricidal projects finally will receive their prices! But these sanguinary despots, But these accomplices of Berli, All these tigers which, without pity, Bauhaus the centre of their mother! We will enter the career When our elder is not there any more, We will find there their dust And the trace of their virtues Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPeng Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Gentleworms: That is my favorite expression for the people that matter here. The rest {and armorgonad} escape my notice, most of the time. So let me right now fail to mention PawBroon and pass right over the great fat happy sodden feeling I felt when he posted almost recently. Goddammit, I miss that loopy Frog bastard. A Rune Spoiler to Follow. The Game is Reut Canal (HA FREAKIN HA!) and I gotta say of all the godforsaken pissboy bastard rat mofo kill em and eat em games that the devious and profoundly distrubed RuneScum has concocted, this is up in the top 40. If you have not played Ruet Canal. Go download the thing from whereever it is and fire up a tcp game with your most hated enemy. It totally rocks. Elvis and I have just completed a game of it and here are the numbers {this is the spoiler bit for your gnumb gnuts tooo frigging stupid to know when the spoiling bits start(although if your are Lewis[losername]you claim that all games have either armor or infantry or both and some sort of terrain so saying anything about them in a post is not really a spoiler), but then we never really liked Lewis} The Army of Peng vs. Fat Bastid Elvis @ Ruet Canal (for the pun impaired it ain't pronounced roo-eh) rat fat bastige Elvis Allies: 224 casualies (48 KIA) 196 Captured 6 mortars destroyed 22 Vehicles Knocked Out Limey Bastards OK: NONE Score: 25 Slim trim lithe and willowy Peng: 115 Casualties (26 KIA) 13 Vehicles humanely put down then incinerated to prevent spread of the infection. Jolly Good Folk OK: 262 Score: 75 I gotta tell ya this was one of the most exciting games I have played in a long time. Rune the Twisted has done it, gentleworms. Peng ------------------ That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by Hamsters: A few notes before the business at hand: Dying Bastards: Seanachai (Gamey, too, he chose TWO Churchills) You useless sack of ****e. Did you, perhaps, in your plunge to gamey AFV stardom (having chosen a Jagdtiger and King Tiger) notice that they were Churchill VIIIs?! Which is, shall we point it out, an Infantry Support Tank? Which means, you shameless toad, that they pack @3-8(maximum) 'C' (hollow charge) rounds each? And that their supposed massive armour is largely unsloped and pointless when confronted by 2 AFVs with 88mm guns? Your attempts to assuage your conscience over this setup are duly noted and spat upon with scorn. How like you, Meeks to seek to blame the victim. That said, come and dig my infantry out, you chattering fish-bucket licker. ------------------ Tremble, tyrants and you perfidious opprobrium of all the parties, Tremblez! your parricidal projects finally will receive their prices! But these sanguinary despots, But these accomplices of Berli, All these tigers which, without pity, Bauhaus the centre of their mother! We will enter the career When our elder is not there any more, We will find there their dust And the trace of their virtues [This message has been edited by Seanachai (edited 03-22-2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuka Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by Leeo: I take pride in my work, and should some kinniget choose to employ me at some point, I will treat said kinniget with respect and honor. [scene setting] *A small wire cage is set atop a stage in the center of the courtyard of Castle Peng. Kniggets are gathered around, studying the wild eyed, frightened serfs contained within.* *Lord Lorak bellows from a corner of the stage* "Gentle knights of the 'pool, you see before you the fine specimens of serfdom 'liberated' from their villages during my last holy water and tupperware party, what am I bid for such handsome flesh?" Knigget David Aitken: "Tuppence for the lot!" *The gathered knights roar with mirth* Lord Lorak: "Come now gentlemen, surely such specimens are worthy of at least a fiver each?" Knigget Mace: "that one, there....the one with the twitch, he stirs me within and appears firm of buttock. Spin for me boy, and tell me your name." Serf Armournut: *Limps around in a circle* "They call me armournutcschh......hur, hur, *dribble* Knigget Mace: "I'll take him!...err I mean, I'll purchase him. Lorak, put him on my account." Lord Lorak: "Done! Now what of these others my fine Knighted friends? Ignore the smell, most of them will scrub up just peachy. Except for Check6 but I may keep him for marketing purposes anyway." *Knigget jd pauses from a murmured discussion with Knigget Croda* "Two pounds deposit on the serf 'Lawyer', he looks to have the makings of a fine used-car sales squire!" Serf Lawyer: *Foams at the mouth and snaps at the wire, biting off his bottom lip in the process* Knigget Croda: "Ahhh, the excellent makings of a car salesman indeed. We'll take him!" *grins smugly at jd, who is rubbing his hands together feverishly* Lord Lorak:"Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Don't walk away! These are premium specimens and cannot last long at these prices. Look! heres a red light special on a lively one I call 'Roborat". Make me an offer." Knigget Meeks: "He's dead you git. Look, he's green and there are things crawling out of his eyes." Lord Lorak: "No no no my friends, thats his natural state, its considered very healthy in his clan for the finest of young men to be covered in flies. See how his brother 'Wildman' fossicks around in his trousers?.....oh!..umm...errr....well, never mind, thats a custom in their family" *Knigget Bauhaus begins to show interest in the Wildman/Roborat twin pack as the Knigget Stuka steps forward from the gathered throng* Knigget Stuka:"what of this one!" *Points at serf LeeO* Lord Lorak: "Ahh, you have a fine eye for quality, brave Sir Knigget, this one is my personal favourite. He will serve you well in battle. A full set of teeth, bright of eye and sturdy of fetlock, a handsome addition to any Knigget's stable" *serf Leeo begins purring and rubbing himself against the wire in a submissive and grovelly nature* Knigget Stuka: "This serf revolts me, Lord Lorak. I'll offer no more than 3 crown, 2 schilling tuppence ha'penny for such a wretch." *Lord Lorak writhes with despair, but as the Knigget gathering has dispersed, is confronted with only one option* Lord Lorak:*hissing through clenched teeth* "You rob me sir...take this LeeO curr out of my sight and if our paths should ever cross, pray you should have your sword drawn." *Lord Lorak departs for his keep, dragging the body of Roborat behind him as Knigget Stuka turns to his new purchase...* Knigget Stuka: "Roight LeeO, lets get on the piss.....its your shout!" [This message has been edited by Stuka (edited 03-22-2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mensch Posted March 22, 2001 Author Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by Kitty: ZZzz . . . I take any derison from you as compliment, O' thief of my emoticons. =P Kitty *bows* your welcome me lady, the complaints I have heard of you I do not all believe;'tis my slowness that I do not, for I know you lack not folly to commit them and have ability enough to make such knaveries yours. the rest of you Boys, apes, braggarts, jacks, milksops go to, you're all dry fools, I'll no more of you. You're not worth another word, else I'd call you knaves ----------- www.derkessel.com Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission. "...one who once was and still is but does not as often but does it better although somewhat sloppily." -Hiram Sedai/Phillies Phan [This message has been edited by mensch (edited 03-22-2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mensch Posted March 22, 2001 Author Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by Seanachai: Bless you, you useless sod. That's the first truly good laugh I've had in many days. Away with those giglets thou sodden witted Lord. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Croda Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by Stuka: Gobbledegook My dear Sir Stuka, we are bound by having shared an abysmally horrid Squirely Joust, a bond that can be broken by nothing - except Squire-napping. If you had read your Peng, you would have seen The Nefarious Legion of Croda (Yes, we're nefarious now) partially lay claim to the Leeeeoooooas as our squire. That brings us to a quandry...what to do about your attempts to use your elephant wings to soar off with our squire. We could challenge you, and fight for the rights to the Leeeoooo, but the fact of the matter is that he is of as little worth as a bidet full of ****e, and to fight for him would require more energy than it would take to properly ignore him. So that is what we shall do. As for you, Dumbo the Australian, we shall watch you with The Allseeing Eye of the Nefarious Legion of Croda (Yes, we purchased an Allseeing Eye at Lorak's Bizarre Bazaar Al Kafeek Al Alamein Al Bundy). And should that Allseeing Eye tell me something that displeases me, we shall have your ears stuffed and hang them next to the Dalem's (well not next to, they'll need their own wall after all, but we'll hang them nearby) as a trophy of our supreme victory over Aussie culture, such that it is. Be ware. Be very ware. Also, as we are at the bottom of page the ninth and are nearing critical mass, I shall create the new home of Peng, something tastier than Holland. ------------------ Woot! - Maximus2k Stick around while the clown who is sick does the trick of disaster. You are quite correct, but sniper is an easier term to use than 'Semi-regular soldier hiding out and shooting enemies unawares.' - wwb_99 The New CessPool I AM CRODA, ENEMY OF THE SCIENTIFIC PROCESS, EVOLUTIONARY PROCESS AND REPRODUCTIVE PROCESS. PETERNZ OWNS MY SIG FILE AND MY MEAGRE SOUL: ANY REASONABLE OFFER ACCEPTED [This message has been edited by Croda (edited 03-22-2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marlow Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by Stuka: Lord Lorak: "No no no my friends, thats his natural state, its considered very healthy in his clan for the finest of young men to be covered in flies. See how his brother 'Wildman' fossicks around in his trousers?.....oh!..umm...errr....well, never mind, thats a custom in their family" *Knigget Bauhaus begins to show interest in the Wildman/Roborat twin pack as the Knigget Stuka steps forward from the gathered throng* Stuka, you stupid git. Wildworm is already spoken for. I already have him hard (down Bauhaus) at work banging coconut shells together. Also, let me take this opportunity to once again denounce Speedy as the lowest of low-down gamey bastages to have ever commanded digital soldiers. My defeat at your hands is obviously the result of some nefarious pact with the forces of darkness. I will have vengeance. I now declare Blood Hamster on the Gamey Freak Boy, and command my worthless worm of a squire to do the same. A new File-O-Death should be sitting in your in-box. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Shawnachi may not know it yet but his gamey tactics have earned hima draw against me. Lorak please note this draw at your earliest convieniencce. Don't bother noting the Peng loss. He got lucky and it shouldn't count. How did he get lucky you ask? Well here is one example. I ran an entire heathy platoon into a two story buiding which immediately came under fire from 3 tanks. By all rights the building should have blown up and collapsed INSTEAD it caught fire and my men ran away to their deaths. Had the building collapsed on my platoon like it should have I am sure it would have been a much different game. Seanachi : Draw Elvis : Draw Peng : VERY lucky win Elvis : not as lucky or winning ------------------ "When they finally put you in the ground..I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down" Elvis Costello Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Croda Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Elvis, you wanker, you're in the wrong thread. We've moved. Now get your butt over to the new thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jshandorf Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Hmmm.. It appears that knights are snapping up squires faster then a hoover on steroids. ------------------ Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aka_tom_w Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Danger Will Robinson! This thread is unstable and about to explode! -robot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berlichtingen Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Originally posted by *Captain Foobar*: Its called smoke, fool. It's great for blocking LOS. You should try it sometime *sniff* That's my Squire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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