The Commissar Posted May 21, 2001 Share Posted May 21, 2001 The AKoTM post has been gobbled up by the mysterious creature we know only as the "Forum Error", and lost in the bottomless pit we know only as "cyberspace". So I started a new one until Iron Duke checks up on us and sets things right. Alrighty then, ya'll, this crisis should not interfere with your battles. And the fact that E3 has FINALLY ended (I think) should mean SOCK MONKEY should send me my bloody file. SO GET TO IT!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Commissar Posted May 21, 2001 Author Share Posted May 21, 2001 Come on people, I wanna hear some AAR's! Entertain us with blow-by-blow battlefield brutality! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriendlyFire Posted May 21, 2001 Share Posted May 21, 2001 From the intercom of Unt. Muller's Puma, on the German left flank: "Kommander! I can just see Ami tank destroyers through the rain at 300m, heading into our ambush!" "Excellent, we'll hit them in the flank. Gunner, take the lead Ami - AP up... FIRE!" WHAM "One down! Second Ami - AP up... FIRE! Verdammt, we overshot when he stopped. Load again." "Kommander, he's seen us, he's turning his turret!" "How the hell? Our sharpshooter had him buttoned. Hurry, FIRE!" CLANG "Through his turret, but he's not.." WHAM Transmission ends. [ 05-20-2001: Message edited by: pondscum2 ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Commissar Posted May 21, 2001 Author Share Posted May 21, 2001 *BUMP* My opponent is back, but apparently is all tuckered out from his big E3 adventure, so I'll probably post something cool tommorow. In the meantime, where the hell is everyone? Hello, just cause its the weekends doesn't mean ya'll should get real lives! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Commissar Posted May 21, 2001 Author Share Posted May 21, 2001 Nope, sorry, this thing ain't going to Page 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StugIII Posted May 23, 2001 Share Posted May 23, 2001 I'm with ya Commissar. Having missed my chance to be in the AKoTM, I have to live it vicariously through the battle reports. Keep up the creative work fella's [ 05-23-2001: Message edited by: StugIII ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mPisi Posted May 24, 2001 Share Posted May 24, 2001 mPisi and Jaws fight to a draw, in a very odd battle of "hide, seek, and pummel with artillery fire instead of sticking MY neck out there". mPisi's Fallshirmgerbils stupidly stayed put under two FO's worth of 105mm, and paid the price, but enough were alive at the end to claim the flag and a draw despite the casualties. Jaws's legions of glider troops were just out of range to influence the flag, and it probably should have been contested. On to the tie-breaker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Commissar Posted May 24, 2001 Author Share Posted May 24, 2001 mPisi, Prepare to be submitted to an all-armor bash! Muahahahah! I kinda hope that I get a tie myself just so I could geta chance to play an all armor game. It get that warm and fuzzy feeling all over when I think about it - err, is that...normal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sock Monkey Posted May 24, 2001 Share Posted May 24, 2001 Ah, Commissar, you should be so lucky as to get a draw. So far your strategy of running your soldiers through snow and artillery straight towards the Shermans With Big Guns is only producing dead Deiters. Really, though, you are one of the most amazing smack talkers I have ever encountered. Creative and consistently superb. Alas, your skills at this game don't appear to be on the same level. It's a shame you're involvement in the tourney is going to be so limited; you would have provided untold amusement to its participants, which unfortunately, won't include you. The real villain of this story, however, isn't so much you, Commissar. You are more along the lines of the evil Nazi monkey in Indiana Jones -- evil to be sure, but really more amusing than anything else. No, the real evil lurking here is the Iron Duke who set us to play a 20-turn game on a map with both rain and snow, reducing visibility and --more importantly-- mobility to just about nil. That was very, very naughty, Duke. Bad Duke! Bad! Well, Commissar, consider yourself taunted. Return and I will taunt you a second time! Smack Monkey PS -- I just love it when you go to a really close view of a German squad and watch as a 105 mm shell lands right in the middle of it. hehe. I love that. Makes them critters run real good! har har! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Commissar Posted May 24, 2001 Author Share Posted May 24, 2001 Ah, the next turn and the one after that. I realise now that Spank my Monkey's theories on warfare mimick that of the US Govt. IE: Drop things on the enemy until they get tired of the loud noices and flashy things and scuttle off. Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately), there are no civilians involved in this wonderful game. If there were, there would be little pieces of them spread around everywhere. Then I could send the photos of the little pieces to the media of Monkey's country force Monkey's civilian population to rally against his tyranical bombing technique, thereby forcing HIM to surrender to ME. IE: BTS, I WANT CIVILIANS!!! DAMN, is this annoying. My men are all weary, the arty is never ending, and now I see signs of his approaching infantry. I do hope that I get a REAL fight soon instead of the "hit and hit and hit and never show up" tactics Monkey has been using for the entirety of this bleedin' game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mlapanzer Posted May 24, 2001 Share Posted May 24, 2001 Gunther und Hans Have again been assigned the flank. Never the the town where the French Girlies are. Hans: Gunther what ever is the old man thinking sending us out on a night like this the fog is so think I can't see my shoes. Gunther: Shut up Hans and put out that cigarette! Hans: But it is an american Camel! Gunther: Did you here that !? Hans : Don't worry it's just our Artiliry hitting the other side of the town. Gunther: No Hans it is a Panzer and it's coming straight for US! Hans: You are right! Gunther: Hans get the panzerfaust ready! Hans; ready! Gunther hereit comes straight for us! Hans: No its coming from behind us!!!!!! Hans: KABOOM!! Gunther: You got it Hans it's a "gamey" Cromwell. --------- It's good to be at the top of the food chain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iron Duke Posted May 24, 2001 Share Posted May 24, 2001 Now that we are up and running again...here is the updated First Round bracket. Tblaster vs------------Harpooner Harpooner 1) Treeburst155 vs------------Winner Cubes ==================== Pacestick vs------------Pacestick R_Leet 2) mPisi vs------------Winner Jaws ==================== Speedy vs------------Speedy Hurricane 3) Senor Beef vs------------Senor Beef Radar ==================== aaronb vs------------Winner Wildman 4) Jeff Heidman vs------------Winner Pondscum ==================== Philistine vs------------Winner boy_Recon 5) Greg Clement vs------------Winner Gyrene ===================== Toxicchaos vs------------labappel labappel 6) Stoffel vs------------Stoffel Loki ===================== The Commissar vs------------Winner Sock Monkey 7) Mlapanzer vs------------Winner Chuckle ===================== Claymore vs------------Winner Carboy 8) Texas Toast vs------------Texas Toast Stix ===================== And there it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iron Duke Posted May 24, 2001 Share Posted May 24, 2001 Hey guys...Do the rest of you think we are going to make the 27th Due Date? If not let me know now. Please...I need to hear from everyone on this. Out. P.S. You guys are a lot more lively than the last bunch to play for the trophy! I love it! Keep the updates coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedy Posted May 24, 2001 Share Posted May 24, 2001 ( the following account is probably a bit disjointed , but I am writing from memory as the game was finished 3 days ago ) Welcome back all. A couple of days ago my opponent, Hurricane, and I got together and tcp'd our game to conclusion. The game was in deep mud and heavy fog sept 44 with myself as the US Army. My forces consisted of 3 rifle companies minus attached mortars, a HMC, and a Priest. Hurricane had a mixture of security troops and pioneers, 2 Panthers, and 3 halftracks. The game started with a headlong rush to the central flag and my troops becoming weary by the end of turn 1, the next 6 turns or so just involved trying to get my troops into the central village where the Victory Flag was. Then on turn 8 the cry went up of 'Contact', when a forward element of a Bazooka team on second floor and platoon HQ, on the grond floor, spotted some enemy troops approaching there building. The bazooka team fired a round killing 1 man, it was then discovered that the enemy was infact a flamethrower team which continued to walk nonchalantly into the building straight towards the platoon hq which was firing, captain miller like, in an attempt to kill the last man in the ft team. Yet still this one ubermensch continues forward until he stops 5 metres from the hq unit, then with careless disregard for his own life and limb prepares his weapon and fires at the hq only 5 metres away immediately setting the entire buildin aflame. < end turn > During the next couple of turns we discover each others positions and proceed to start shooting at each other. At about turn 11 I decided to kick the Germans out of the church with the VF. To accomplish this I sent in 2 platoons in a headlong charge. These platoons manage to clear the building ( including knocking out a nearby Panther with a riflegrenade ) except for the single German flamethrower unit hiding there ( yes another bloody one!!! ) . This ft unit then proceeded to get to its knees and blaze away with it's weapon instantly setting the church ablaze. By know I am convinced that all Germans are physcopathic pyromaniacs. Despite these setbacks and a limited German counter attack on the other flank by turn 15 I am getting the upperhand and decide that it is time to send in my last company which had only just arrived at the fighting with the Priest in support. In the dying turns I manage to destroy Hurricanes' other Panther with a bazooka and 2 of his halftracks ( the other one I later discovered got bogged down and immobilised on the dirt road and never made it to the action ) as well as killing most of his infantry. The Germans surrendered on turn 19 of 20 final score:- Allies (me) - 75 Axis (Hurricane) - 25 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treeburst155 Posted May 24, 2001 Share Posted May 24, 2001 Hey there Iron Duke. Is this where we report victories? I won a Tactical with my 13 Cromwells against Cubes. He's a formidable opponent but no match for my gaminess. LOL! Treeburst155 out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iron Duke Posted May 24, 2001 Share Posted May 24, 2001 Righto' Treeburst...this is the place. 13 POLISH Cromwells...LOL Great stuff man. Remember...I'm a tank man myself so your purchases felt right at home for me. Welcome to the Second Round Cannon Cocker. Please see updated bracket. Tblaster vs------------Harpooner Harpooner 1) Treeburst155 vs------------Treeburst155 Cubes ==================== Pacestick vs------------Pacestick R_Leet 2) mPisi vs------------Winner Jaws ==================== Speedy vs------------Speedy Hurricane 3) Senor Beef vs------------Senor Beef Radar ==================== aaronb vs------------Winner Wildman 4) Jeff Heidman vs------------Winner Pondscum ==================== Philistine vs------------Winner boy_Recon 5) Greg Clement vs------------Winner Gyrene ===================== Toxicchaos vs------------labappel labappel 6) Stoffel vs------------Stoffel Loki ===================== The Commissar vs------------Winner Sock Monkey 7) Mlapanzer vs------------Winner Chuckle ===================== Claymore vs------------Winner Carboy 8) Texas Toast vs------------Texas Toast Stix ===================== And there it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sock Monkey Posted May 24, 2001 Share Posted May 24, 2001 I am worried that I may have so totally demoralized my opponent, The Commissar, that he may find himself unable to continue. He only sent one turn today, and it wasn't even accompanied by his usual (nit)witty banter. The action so far has been this: 30 seconds into turn 1: Artillery begins falling on the TRP's I put just outside his setup area. Turns 1-8: Slogging through that godawful snow. The artillery is beginning to take its toll on the Germans. Commissar goes from sending funny dialogues between his soldiers with each email to direct ad homonym attacks. Turns 9-11: German infantry runs into the TRP's I put in the middle of the map, along with mortars and Sherman 105's. The civilian loss of life is staggering. Turns 12+ As allied artillery begins to run out of ammo, the allies continue pounding away with the tanks hoping to kill enough little Commissars to make the victory flag worthless. Commissar starts sending messages like: Since we're on friendly terms (I hatw you and everything you stand for, BTW), I thought it only fair to warn you that just minutes before writing this ever-hillarious e-mail messege, I have sacrifised a litter of kittens by drowning them in a bucket of rain water, all the whole chanting and praying that your AFV's will bog and immobilize like they very well should. Hasn't worked...yet, but obviously the words of an increasingly desperate man. Actually, I want the draw so I can play a 500 pt. Jeep MG rush And given that I doubt I have the infantry to match him in close fighting it should be an interesting finish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PondScum Posted May 24, 2001 Share Posted May 24, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Iron Duke: Hey guys...Do the rest of you think we are going to make the 27th Due Date? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Jeff Heidman and I are on turn 18 and cranking out just over a turn a day, so we'll make the due date without any problems. He's lost all his armor to a sneaky ambush, a flank attack, and a Panther-vs-Jumbo 76 duel-by-ricochet (luckily for me his Jumbo gunner never thought to load tungsten), so now it should just be a case of gradually tightening the noose on his brave Ami company holding the VL... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stoffel Posted May 24, 2001 Share Posted May 24, 2001 My game with loki ended in a victory for me. Here is a brief AAR. We had a map with deep mud The VL was located on an open place in the middle of the map. My opponent had the Germans and with that open space I thought,no armor! Instead I bought an all infantry force with 3 76 mm anti tank guns and a Howitzer 105mm with 4 HT's to move them. I also bought a 105mm spotter and several bazookas and machineguns(no mortars) On the edges of the map were trees. The plan: I placed the at guns in the middle of my setup area overlooking the VL and the rest of the open space. Placed the infantry at the flanks near the map edge.They had to advance to the middle of the map where they can overlook the VL from the side,My plan was to let the germans advance to the vl so I could easy take them out. game: The first rounds nothing happened ,than in the fourth turn I saw german infantry moving towards the VL through the centre of the map,I let my 105 spotter open fire on them.This resulted in some casualties under his infantry and killed a 75mm field gun. Meanwhile a hetzer got stuck in the mud,useless for the rest of the game. ANd my opponent told me later that he had difficulties in using his Tiger and his Panther. In turn 12 my infantry reached their final positions from than on they were able to stop any advance to the vl. the .50 mg's on the haltracks with the ones I bought in the field were very capable of stopping them,and a Panther and a Tiger showed up,they managed to kill a bazooka and one of my four halftracks. My atguns took out the panther from over 700 meter without using 1 of his 7 tungsten rounds after several shots with normal AP. This alwways caused a mental brakedown on my part since enemy artillery fire was coming close to them. The crew of the gun that took out the Panther remained calm and in the next turn(13) they killed the Tiger from the same distance. ANd again after several shots a frontal kill,without using the tungsten rounds. I was screaming use the tround,my wife came in the room to see what was going on and thought I got insaned The artillery fire did not managed to kill my guns but caused some casualties among my infantry. At that time the odds were in favour of me,59% to 19 %. So I just had to wait for the German rush to the VL. In the last two turns my guys could easily stop their assault and the victory % stayed the same. Overall a tactical game with a minor victory for me. The first time a plan worked One thing that worried me was the fact that the guns refused to fire their tungsten rounds :mad: Good game loki and I hope you can get a revanche match in the next tournament Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iron Duke Posted May 24, 2001 Share Posted May 24, 2001 Still need to hear from some people about the Due Date...please respond so I know where we stand. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claymore Posted May 24, 2001 Share Posted May 24, 2001 Well, a brilliant mid-term AAR from my game with Carboy was wiped out by the Great Crash of 2001. Wearily then and in a much more bland style our game has gone as thus: Deep Mud Map with wooded VL in centre Claymore: Axis Carboy: Yanks Noting that we have very slow movement rates and very dodgey LOS from setup zones for artillery spotters I purchased 3xGreen 201mm Rickets and 2xGreen 150mm Rickets. With the width of the map and the slow advance of any Allied units the simultaneous arrival the artillery should (and did) take the starch out of anything Carboy was planning. I filled out my kit with 4xCrack Hetzers, 2xVet 234/2, 6xREG Fusilier Platoons, 2x 37mm FLAK and 1xCRACK 75mm ATG. Carboy appears to have taken Shermans, 2 companies of infantry and an artillery spotter of the larger variety. The game stands now at Turn 12. Carboy appears to have had his infantry decimated by the ricket barrage. What armour didn't bog or bug out from the rickets was quickly put down by the Hetzers. I had one PSW bog in the mud but all other units are now overwatching the VL which is occupied by the two companies of Fusiliers. German casualties: 12 men Allied Casualties: at least 3 tanks and 2 companies of infantry. I expect the game to end very shortly. Cheers Claymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iron Duke Posted May 24, 2001 Share Posted May 24, 2001 Ok guys...For the Second Round I have concocted some custom maps...(I couldn't resist ) They should be hella-fun and if you played the first AKoTM...you know of what I speak of...hehe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mlapanzer Posted May 25, 2001 Share Posted May 25, 2001 Due date looks close might miss it by a day. were on turn 14of 20 Chuckles and I. Right now it's a close fight. But I have flamed one of his Cromwells. Now the gamey Bastage has brought in a wasp But no fear he is TOAST this turn. --------- It's good to be at the top of the food chain" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedy Posted May 25, 2001 Share Posted May 25, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Iron Duke: Ok guys...For the Second Round I have concocted some custom maps...(I couldn't resist ) They should be hella-fun and if you played the first AKoTM...you know of what I speak of...hehe.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Damn you Duke, you truly are evil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Commissar Posted May 25, 2001 Author Share Posted May 25, 2001 If they are anything like the maps that we got from the random battle generator, I know exactly how to get the best score. The keywords (or perhaps keyphrases?) it seems, are "Arty" and "TRP's". This is what the unread and unloved cretin hereafter known as Sock Monkey has done to my troops. Why unloved and unread you ask? Why, the unloved part is clear enough if his playing technique mimicks his behaviour in real life. Allow me to explain: Monkey at Age 7 ---- *Monkey and a younger sibling are sitting at the diner table, their parents nearby. Sibling makes a face in Monkey's direction* Monkey: Die, Biznatch!!! *Monkey proceeds to throw the contents of his plate in never ending heaps that completely bombard and cover his sibling, who is trapped in the confines of the baby feeder chair and cannot escape* ---- ---- Monkey at Age 15 ---- *Sitting in a school cafeteria, a big jockish type feller comes over to Monkey and pours a carton of scalding hot vegetable soup over Monkey's head* Monkey: AAArgh! Die, Biznatch!!! *Monkey then proceeds to toss his own lunch, his bookbag, his notebooks, the 16 pound Chemistry textbook, and a nearby chess club member at the jock in a never ending stream of flying objects. The jock, slipping and tripping on the messy school lunch, is unable to escape the barrage. Unfortunately for Monkey, popular kids usually have friends. So he gets a wedgy so tight he talks funny for a week.* ---- ---- Monkey at Age 19 ---- *Having been invited (probably mistakenly) to a backyard party, Monkey gets down with people who dont know him and take delight in calling him names all the while listening to things people usualy listened to in the 1930's. Monkey escapes the insults by getting wasted on 2 bottles of none-alcoholic beer and throws up a coupl of times. When a next door neightbor complains about the noice level, Monkey goes into a fury* Monkey: Die, Biznatch!!! *Monkey grabs the Bar-B-Q grill, the cooler full of beer, the lawn ornaments, a gorgeous 18 year old cheerleader, and various other objects, throwing them at the neighbor. The neighbor, trapped under the cheerleader's fake breasts, cannot move and is thus bombarded into oblivion by Pink Flamingos and Budweiser bottles. Then Monkey gets the ass kicking of his life by the guys who miss the beer, and then by the guy who got his hot cheerleader girlfriend thrown over at the neightbor. After the dust settled, the cops haul Monkey in the joint where he met his "husband" Big Bubba.* Now, after 71 years, Monkey is finally free but has unfotunately not learned his lesson. As we can plainly see, the only person who really loves Monkey is Bubba. He doesnt count though, since their relationship was largely physical. So I conclude, the unloved bit. And unread? Why, who in heck would ever say "Biznatch"?! C'mon, man, that's so un-l33t :-P This game reminds me of WW1 due to the never ending Arty, rockets, and bits of the civilian population which continuously rain down from the sky. Now, if I could only find a way to reunite Monkey with his soul mate in the slammer, I'd move on to the next round! [ 05-24-2001: Message edited by: The Commissar ] [ 05-24-2001: Message edited by: The Commissar ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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