Peng has been challenged since birth, how about you?

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hanns:

I hereby demand that Sally Struthers be airlifted (err.... towed behind a bunch of boats) immediately to Ozztraulia where she can film touching commercials exposing the plight of these unfortunates<hr></blockquote>

And how do you suppose that there is a piece of machinery big enough to handle this type of job?

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Limey, Pommie, Aussie... same bloody thing<hr></blockquote>

You forgot, Big Girl's Blouse.

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Joe... uh, I think you may... owe him a turn. For the first time, I am in complete agreement with you... and I'll check the manual on this... but I think that means someone turned the furnace off (if ya get my drift)<hr></blockquote>

You agree with Joe? IDIOT!

[Joe Shaw]

Oh fine, here we have ZERO, ZIP, NADA posts from Bauhaus (don't get me wrong, that's a GOOD thing) for ages and suddenly he graces us with four in a bloody row ... and half of them he uses to pick on ME! Well look you here laddy, I don't take kindly to that. Especially not since I went to all the trouble to direct those SSNs to your door ... haven't seen hide nor hair of them since have we lads ... well perhaps Bauhaus serves a purpose, but do I get a word of thanks? I do NOT!

Bauhaus I think you should understand that tactical ability is NOT, contrary to your currently held opinion, determined by one's ability to strap quarter sticks of dynamite to a 1/32nd scale model of a Tiger and lighting the fuse. That you frequently forgot the THIRD step, i.e. RUN AWAY, is obvious from your posts. Nor should you consider yourself to be a wargaming genius because you were able to convert whole battalions of soldiers into a huge. molten mass of green plastic with your magnifying glass. Finally, your ability to talk your little brother into "calling the fall" of the dirt clods you chucked over the garage onto the "enemy" positions is not an accurate predictor of your ability to use artillery.

In short Sir Bauhaus, I find your comments offensive and demand satisfaction upon the field of honor. I shall ask that Sir Lars act for me in this matter. He will contact YOUR second [sNEER] ... always assuming that you HAVE a friend who will act for you, if not perhaps the CessPool can APPOINT one ...[/sNEER] and arrange the meeting. I would prefer a Byte Battle, double-blind of course, as I wish to communicate with you for not one turn longer than necessary.

Have a good day Sir, it will be your last for quite a while.

Joe

[Geier]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

He will contact YOUR second [sNEER] ... always assuming that you HAVE a friend who will act for you, if not perhaps the CessPool can APPOINT one ...[/sNEER] <hr></blockquote>

I'll act as his second. I'm the only one here who actually listens to "Bela Lugosi is dead" anyway. Or saw Love & Rockets live for that matter.

What do I do? Oh yeah, I'll pick a scenario for you to play. And Lars can choose who gets to play with what color.

I take it this is totally unacceptable to all parties (esp The party of the third part)?

Good. Let's continue then shall we?

[Geier]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by bauhaus:

You agree with Joe? IDIOT!<hr></blockquote>

Battle sent to Lard. He will choose sides and then forward it with accompanying orders to St Bauhaus who will then ... do ... some stuff. But then he will setup his appointed side and blow Joe to smithereeens. Or not.

May all involved choke on it.

Johan

[ 11-22-2001: Message edited by: Geier ]</p>

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Geier:

I'll act as his second. I'm the only one here who actually listens to "Bela Lugosi is dead" anyway. Or saw Love & Rockets live for that matter.

What do I do? Oh yeah, I'll pick a scenario for you to play. And Lars can choose who gets to play with what color.

I take it this is totally unacceptable to all parties (esp The party of the third part)?

Good. Let's continue then shall we?<hr></blockquote>

And what part of "Byte Battle, Double Blind" did you NOT understand? I should have guessed that Bauhaus would have to rely upon incompetents. Sir Lars can advise me and I'll determine if the battle is acceptable.

{grumble, grumble, if it's not one thing, Australians, it's another, Swedes ...}

Joe

[Stuka]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Very well, since I've given my word a turn shall follow.<hr></blockquote>

*Sniff* Oh Joe, Your'e the greatest!

Go on then, give us a little hug...........thats enough Joe, I said a little hug.

And look, I didn't butcher your name once.[Male bonding smilie] [/Male bonding smilie]

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

And what part of "Byte Battle, Double Blind" did you NOT understand? I should have guessed that Bauhaus would have to rely upon incompetents. Sir Lars can advise me and I'll determine if the battle is acceptable.

{grumble, grumble, if it's not one thing, Australians, it's another, Swedes ...}

Joe<hr></blockquote>

Joe, do you not realize that there is a mass conspiracy against you in the pool? Do you not realize that you are truly the idiot that Berli claims you are? Yes, send me a set up, whatever you chose.....and you shall be flogged (sit down Hanns!)into submission. Please Joe, watch your back, there are many more out to get you. Kind of feel like the turkey on Thanksgiving? And here I was cutting my CM down to nothing, but I'd gladly take the chance to lose to you again. Yeah, you'll get your turns Berli, Moriarty and Goanna.....when I stinkin' feel like it. Feck off!!!! All ya All!!!

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by bauhaus:

Joe, do you not realize that there is a mass conspiracy against you in the pool? Do you not realize that you are truly the idiot that Berli claims you are? Yes, send me a set up, whatever you chose.....and you shall be flogged (sit down Hanns!)into submission. Please Joe, watch your back, there are many more out to get you. Kind of feel like the turkey on Thanksgiving? And here I was cutting my CM down to nothing, but I'd gladly take the chance to lose to you again. Yeah, you'll get your turns Berli, Moriarty and Goanna.....when I stinkin' feel like it. Feck off!!!! All ya All!!!<hr></blockquote>

And do not worry sir Joe, I will not check my email until sometime Friday or Saturday depending on work and how much I have to entertain 14 bloody fecking people that are at my home over the next three days. So, we can still keep it as a double blind, just resend me the proper file when ready and I will disregard the first one that was sent. Make sense? probably not. Now you see why you've gotten 5 posts from me today? Only way I can escape the madness. God help me....please??!?!?!

(Nothing like replying to your own bloody message....meant to edit the first one.)

[ 11-22-2001: Message edited by: bauhaus ]</p>

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by bauhaus:

Joe, do you not realize that there is a mass conspiracy against you in the pool? Do you not realize that you are truly the idiot that Berli claims you are? Yes, send me a set up, whatever you chose.....and you shall be flogged (sit down Hanns!)into submission. Please Joe, watch your back, there are many more out to get you. Kind of feel like the turkey on Thanksgiving? And here I was cutting my CM down to nothing, but I'd gladly take the chance to lose to you again. Yeah, you'll get your turns Berli, Moriarty and Goanna.....when I stinkin' feel like it. Feck off!!!! All ya All!!!<hr></blockquote>Realize it! I relish it Sir, I thrive upon it, I ENCOURAGE it. He who wields (or even welds) the awesome power of the Justicariate of the Peng Challenge Thread cannot have friends, as amply illustrated by the devious and despicable Stuka (he's Australian you know AND he doesn't play double blind).

No, the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread must walk alone with naught but his duty to keep him company ... at least until my Grandsquire Hanns provides more details about those lasses of his.

And I'd not presume upon an oath you've taken to forego further games if such is the case. I myself have long championed the privilege of ANY Knight to say nay to ANY challenge and I'll not force my grievance should such be onerous to you at this time.

You have offended me Sir, but I'll delay my honorable quest for satisfaction should you wish it to be so. The day of reckoning WILL come Sir Bauhaus, never fear of that, you shall find yourself seated before your terminal with tears flowing from your eyes, grief shall choke your throat and your nasal orifices shall spew forth such a volume of ... well, you get the idea. And you shall ask yourself (as you commonly do for example, "Oh, I feel the need to move my bowels ... shall I do so now? Why yes, I believe I shall. WIFE ... it is bowel movement time again, prepare for the cleansing of the nether regions upon completion." ... and so forth), why oh why did I offend Sir Joe Shaw in such a manner. I am truly less than the droppings of a worm and have paid a great price for my temerity.

And then, Sir Bauhaus, then shall I forgive you ... for that is the kind of swell guy and snappy dresser that I am.

Joe

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

"Oh, I feel the need to move my bowels ... shall I do so now? Why yes, I believe I shall. WIFE ... it is bowel movement time again, prepare for the cleansing of the nether regions upon completion." <hr></blockquote>

It might be 8.24pm there, but here it's 12.24pm.

Joe Blow, you have ruined my appetite with all your talk regarding Bowel motions, and my sandwiches are no longer appealing!

BLAH & DOUBLE BLAH!!!!

Mace

[AUSSIEJEFF]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Geier:

I'm the only one here who actually listens to "Bela Lugosi is dead" anyway. I take it this is totally unacceptable to all parties?<hr></blockquote>

Nay lad!! Thou art not alone in this matter!! I, yes I too revel in the black techno/thrash/punkicity of the mighty Bauhaus. Indeed, at this very moment I have BAUHAUS - 1979-1983 Vols 1 & 2 playing at 150db as I type ...... eh sonny?? Speak up I say!!

Tell me, who could not possibly listen to DOUBLE DARE, IN THE FLAT FIELD, DARK ENTRIES, STIGMATA MARTYR, GOD IN AN ALCOVE, TELEGRAM SAM, ST VITUS DANCE, A SPY IN THE CAB, TERROR COUPLE KILL COLONEL, DANCING, HAIR OF THE DOG, THE PASSION OF LOVERS, MASK, KICK IN THE EYE, HOLLOW HILLS, IN FEAR OF FEAR, ZIGGY STARDUST, SILENT HEDGES, LAGARTIJA NICK, PARANOIA PARANOIA, SWING THE HEARTACHE, THIRD UNCLE, SPIRIT, ALL WE EVER WANTED, SLICE OF LIFE, SHES IN PARTIES, THE SANITY ASSASSIN, WHO KILLED MR MOONLIGHT, SATORI, CROWDS and as thou hast already spaken, the classic BELA LUGOSI IS DEAD without squeezing a tear from one's eye??

Just cast your eyes over that lot, ye troglodykes who have never sampled such wondrous walls of wailing industrialelectrotechnosound. Are ye so ignorant that ye cannot recognise references to yon Cesspit within?? Complete cognitive sentences may be crafted from these superlative titles by any eminent wordsmith (such as I, of course) ergo:

Joe Baby, feeling a bit like ZIGGY STARDUST after chugging yet another HAIR OF THE DOG ponders that ALL WE EVER WANTED WAS A SLICE OF LIFE, and thus DOUBLE DARES my humble self to meet HandsSolo - his THIRD UNCLE, IN THE FLAT FIELD behind the SILENT HEDGES for dishonourable battle. I suspect Little Joe is IN FEAR OF FEAR, no doubt caused by his PARANOIA,PARANOIA to be sure. Why else send his SANITY ASSASSIN to the HOLLOW HILLS in an attempt to perform ST VITUS' DANCE upon my honourable personage?? Little does he suspect that I have directed a SPY IN THE CAB by the name of LAGARTIJA NICK and his trusty sidekick TELEGRAM SAM to wend their way twixt yon CROWDS and visit said Joesephine even whilst SHE'S IN PARTIES, DANCING her SARTORIal tutu off - and deliver a swift KICK IN THE EYE! Hmm.. I hope things don't get too out of control or the following days headlines could be DARK ENTRIES indeed, such as TERROR COUPLE KILLS COLONEL JOEBLOW - or WHO KILLED MR MOONLIGHT (a little known nom de plume for the self-proclaimed Justicar) or even BELA LUGOSI'S DEAD (you see, Joe has a penchant for pinching other peoples names)- again!!.

Ah me, if so I can always pray to GOD IN AN ALCOVE that the PASSION OF LOVERS such as is/was evident between the supposedly late Joesephine and his trustless sycophants, be not a feckless MASK lest it SWING THE HEARTACHE e'en more at such a pathetic loss and henceforth dampen the SPIRIT of all aspiring SSN's.

So there. All Non-Bauhausphiles can now dutifully SOD ORF! (Fozzy cranks the volume AGAIN!)

WHAT?????? I CAN'T H-E-E-A-R Y-O-U-U-U-U!!!!!

[ 11-22-2001: Message edited by: AussieJeff ]</p>

[AUSSIEJEFF]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by bauhaus:

(Nothing like replying to your own bloody message....meant to edit the first one.)

[ 11-22-2001: Message edited by: bauhaus ]<hr></blockquote>

Greetings, Sir Grande Knigget Bauhaus. I fergot to mention the nontenuous link to your eloquent name in my erstprevious despatch! Most commendable to honour the aforementioned Mastergrungedemons in thy nomdeplumeage!

Thou art obviously a man of considerable taste and fortitude ......... Rock on I say, Sire!!

Your Most Admiring Sycophant-om

SSSSSNNNN FuzzyWuzzyJeff

Is it not wonderful how re-editing one's own post gives one a sense of purpose....... ahhhhhhh, bliss!

[ 11-22-2001: Message edited by: AussieJeff ]</p>

[OGSF]

StukaNukaPukaPants!, Ah thank ye owe mah a turrrn, ye herring headed smelly pop sniffer!

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

[BFCElvis]

To Stuka:

Dear Jitbag,

I returned the file Date:11/10/2001 9:08:56 PM Eastern Standard Time and when I received no response for a while I resent it Date:11/16/2001 9:42:46 PM Eastern Standard Time (those are both copy/pastesfrom my email headers). I am only posting this here because it seems you are not getting my emails. Wanker.

[Stuka]

Dear Elvis,

I hope this message finds you lying in the gutter with an ebola-virus liquifying your internal organs.

I received your 1st e-mail and promptly responded, when you re-sent the turn I naturally overwrote the file (no numbered file remember?) so I cannot retreive my last turn to you.

In keeping with my time honoured tradition of good house-keeping, I had since cleaned out my 'sent' folder so my most recent turn to you is in your in-tray somewhere.

Now this, kiddies, is what happens when files are not numbered.

*Sigh* I guess I'm now expected to re-plot my orders now, hmmm?

Very well, but any more of this and I will be forced to send FlossieGeoff to your place to live, for good.

You have been warned.

You tosser.

Kind regards, Stuka

[Simon Fox]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Elvis:

Numbering turn files is for idiots.

<hr></blockquote>Indeed. Why bother with a paltry number when you can date them, time them to a second and timezone them to boot. Why not go the whole hog Elvis style and assign each file a 6,000 character filename including a narrative of all that happened and a detailed OOB WITH casualty statistics?

[Stuka]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by OGSF:

StukaNukaPukaPants!

<hr></blockquote>

WHAT in the hell is the meaning of this?

I HAVE A NAME YOU KNOW!

You Sir, are a knight without Honour. You, who I considered a freind...how could you....Stab me in the back like this. Et tu Brutus?.

I cannot beleive the treachery that is afoot here, and you, a seniour knigget also.

SHAME on you!

There will be NO return file for one of the likes of YOU!

No siree, no return file, not EVER!

I will NEVER, EVER, EVER send you a return file.

Right after this game is over, and of course the re-match straight after, and probably one or two games after that, there will be NO more return files.

probably

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>WHAT in the hell is the meaning of this? I HAVE A NAME YOU KNOW!<hr></blockquote> And now you see fit to make sport of my legitimate complaint do you? First you mangle my name WITH NO provocation, then you refuse to correct the error, then you THANK me for relenting under the duress of honor and now ... now you make fun of me? You are a VILE little thing aren't you Stuka ... to be expected of an Australian of course. Oh you'll get your turn Stuka, but with so many games going I SURE DO HOPE that I don't get confused and send you the wrong thing. You'll be sure to let me know if I do that WON'T YOU STUKA?

Joe

[Herr Oberst]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by AussieJeff:

My initials are not JBC for nought......

<hr></blockquote>

Never heard it out quite that way...

JBC...

Does that mean that you appeared "Just Before Crapping"?

The clues are all there...

the embarrassing sound of your voice...

the odious smell that appears at the same time as you...

the fact that no-one wants to claim responsibility for you...

[Stuka]

Oh Sir Joe, your'e so cute when your'e angry.

*flutters eyelashes*

Lets hug.

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Stuka:

Oh Sir Joe, your'e so cute when your'e angry.

*flutters eyelashes*

Lets hug.<hr></blockquote>Turn sent, consider yourself DEAD!

Joe

[Geier]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

And what part of "Byte Battle, Double Blind" did you NOT understand? <hr></blockquote>

Not a sausage.

Hugs,

Johan

[Seanachai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by AussieJeff:

Nay lad!! Thou art not alone in this matter!! I, yes I too revel in the black techno/thrash/punkicity of the mighty Bauhaus...

...

...WHAT?????? I CAN'T H-E-E-A-R Y-O-U-U-U-U!!!!!

<hr></blockquote>

Thank you, Geier, now we know what button not to push in the future.

Let me begin by saying, Joe Shaw, Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread, that I have not, in fact, been 'recruiting' again, as you put it.

In the legitimate and quite worthy pursuit of my goal to 'Crush All Australians', I went into the recent 'Aussies Having a Group Hug' thread and insulted them. Several times, of course, because they are generally so enamoured of the sound of their own voices congratulating each other and asking when their 'mates' last had a good, solid vomit brought on by over consumption of beer, that it takes them several posted insults before they really notice.

I mean, good gods, people. Bacchus and Pan shudder and hoof it in the other direction when encountering Australians. It's like an entire nation in competition to see who'll become the God of Excessive Beer Consumption and Projectile Vomiting. But I digress.

In any case, having finally attracted their attention I was challenged to a game in what passes, for Australians, as a fairly civilized manner, and having accepted the challenge I asked that the challenger, one Noba, show up here to insult me properly. Which he did.

No promises of status, no invitation to 'join' the Peng Challenge Thread were made. He wasn't told he'd be 'welcome' here, and I did not advise him that he should regard us as his new home (although if I was to choose between making him welcome and the little diseased marsupial who followed him in, I'd have to say I prefer Noba...).

In short, in the honest pursuit of my very creditable desire to "Crush All Australians", I merely asked that one of the said Australians come in here and curse and taunt me properly, which I feel is only my due, and makes everything roight and proper.

I accept no responsibility for this Aussie Jeff creature having staggered in here and created several puddles of sick in an effort to explain to us his personal code of idiocy.

Note to Aussie Jeff: speed kills, lad. Get some sleep and give the receptors a bit of a rest.

Now, I notice with quiet approval that Lars has done the right thing, and taken Hanns to Squire. It is only by this process of 'mentoring', after all, that young minds are led out of the darkness of near constant 'thingy' reference, inane posturing, and slinging feces around like frightened barbary apes. Not that I imply that Hanns was more prone to this sort of thing than others, but it's best to be safe.

Now, on that note, Mace, since you seem intent on encouraging this 'Aussie Jeff' creature to carry on in a very unbecoming way, would you like to take some responsibility for him?

Personally, although it is my stated aim to "Crush All Australians", this is what amounts to a crusade sort of thing, a bloody quest, as it were, one Seanachai going off to smite the infidel for the greater glory of the Goddess, and bearing in a locket a post of the fair Emma (who he loves chastely, from afar, for her heart is given to The French, who Seanachai cannot help but admire, for his 'Broonian flights of wit and impudence, sigh, it's just like the Chansons du Geste, isn't it? I can easily see Pawbroon as Lancelot).

Bugger, where was I again? Oh, yes, now, while I might be on a Quest to battle each and every Australian, and force them to kneel before me, and proclaim themselves defeated, and while we all know Australia to be not so much a nation of 'criminals' as a nation of 'half-witted drunkards for whom beer is a sacrament', yet I find myself not having much of a problem with Australians individually.

I mean, taken en masse, they're so many primitive mammals that deserve a proper whipping and a good cleanup.

But individually, they're simply primitive mammals. Witness the many months that Stuka, Mace, Goanna, Simon Fox (Official Grog of the Cesspool), and OGSF (the Secret Australian) have been amongst us. Like those stories in which Knights of the Western World encounter infidel Saracens, but after defeating them, befriend them and find them to be fairly witty drinking companions.

So have I found these 'Australian' foes. Not only 'worthy of my steel', but dreadfully unfamiliar and stupid about the stories and responsibilities that surround worthy individuals like myself defeating individuals like themselves, and then they become loyal companions quite willing to leap in front of an arrow or slashing blade in order to preserve my life because of the great esteem they bear for me, their better. I mean, what does it take with these pillocks? It should be as simple as mud: We taunt each other, teeth-gritting bitter enemies, we fight, I defeat them, we achieve a greater understanding of each other, I, as the more civilized and advanced individual, take them to my heart, realize that under their primitive Australian demeanour beats the heart of a worthy individual who makes witty by-play with me while we seek out new foes (the sodding Finns, perhaps), and who might come in handy if I'm ever attacked and in a position to suddenly kack if my infidel Aussie buddy hadn't leapt in front of the means of my demise. We have nights of boisterous excess, in which they teach me of their national religion revolving around beer, and we oggle many comely maidens (I would be the one fixated on 'humans'), we 'bond' as individuals, and I come to a realization that while they might be the descendants of a primitive and sordid people, given to flights of gibberish that make American innner city street gangs sound like Oxford dons, they are, withall, my brothers, and mighty handy to have around when it's 'taking the arrow for Seanachai' time.

Where things break down, on this Thread of threads, is that the goddamn Australians aren't losing fast enough, or sometimes at all. I fear it might be the same with this Noba fella. We shall just have to see.

But, and this is ultimately my point, though if any of you wallahs who've read this bloody far think you're getting away without me going on for some considerable way further, you've another thing coming, I have not, to this point, found an Australian who was not 'worthy of my steel'. And the operative phrase here is: until this point.

Aussie Jeff treads dangerously on being 'too bloody annoying to ever make it into the Quest'. He seems to finally be toning down his obsession with his nether regions, both fore and back, but it's to be hoped we'll be spared any more of his rather pointless comments on sexuality, ****e, and his 'shotgun' approach to taunting. Also, Aussie Jeff, you are not allowed to annoy Shaw. He's quite above you, and only doing his job. Whatever it is.

I have begun my game with Noba. Also Bullet Head, who is not an Australian. I can't remember though, is he a Red Leg, or a Marine? I'm pretty sure he's one or the other. Unless he's both? The mythologies are so densely woven here on the Combat Mission Board. What a lovely place.

[ 11-23-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]</p>