The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

[Stuka]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

I've actually given an antialiased pixel about Lara Croft since I heard who was playing her in the film. Richards remains fake and inconsequential.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Watch the film and observe.

Angelina looks at times to be more than a little 'fake' herself.

Lucky I'm shallow enough to overlook that sort of thing.

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jd:

chrisl ... We are reduced to throwing sticks, branches and rocks at his retreating troops.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Quite pathetic it is to watch. I generously gave him a proper attack, knowing how gleefully he blundered into a few vicious ambushes in every battle, and thinking he might actually be able to win with attack odds. Looks like he may snatch a draw from the waiting maw of victory. If he really put his mind ot it he could lose, but with only three turns left, it would require some effort.

MkIV is defending valiantly against my attack (a mere probe) on a very large map. It's a long hike between anywhere and anywhere on this map, and he seems to have troops everywhere. Fortunately there are a great many trees, and I have a great many artillery shells, and they have created a great many airbursts with which to perforate his little electronic men. There's plasma leaking all over the woods. Unfortunately, his claimed occupation of t-shirt salesman or something like that is simply a cover for his real job as cryptanalyst. Yes, the gamey bastard managed to hack the CM encryption so that he scores first shot kills with every spitball and peashooter attached to treads that he managed to scavenge from the local dump.

As for Peng and the rulebook, I certainly did not pay a thing for that copy of the rules. I pulled it from deep in the bowels of....lets forget that..., and it is at the very least a good forgery, if not the genuine article. It appears to be printed in various rather disgusting fluids (I try not to get too close to it to avoid infection).

And for S*******i, not only can I not bold his name, but will not even spell it out until the double secret blood hamster exorcism is complete and either he's regained the little control he once had over his own fingers, or Peng has been turned into a bowl of spoiled mush in the course of the exorcism. Scratch that-- Peng is already something of a bowl of spoiled mush as it is. Well, anyway, either he performs the exorcism or he dies trying (or if we're truly lucky, both).

[Goanna]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>from Elvis:I may have something to do with my involvement with CMMC. It has sharpened my focus again.

Because of that I am once again unbeatable. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hmmmm, really sorry to have missed this yesterday. Could be that it is time for me to take a company of green Heer, uphill (both ways) and in the pouring rain and hand you your arse like I did last time you had delusions of adequacy.

Shall we say a month long Blood Hamster, or perhaps the opportunity to name your child?

[MrSpkr]

Updates:

Marlow has pulled back to regroup - his initial "tactic" of running screaming across the open ground towards my brave soldaten snugly holed up in heavy buildings seems to have failed. He has stooped to (feebly) taunting when he manages to kill more than one of my guys in a single turn.

Mouse - did kill three tanks in one turn with his gamey überpanzer firing on 'full auto' mode. Somehow, the little bugger has found a way to hack BTS code and switch the ROF of a PzIV with that of an MG42. All is not yet lost, however, and he knows it. Next turn will decide the game.

Wildman was in the middle of slaughtering my forces, then suddenly, strangely stopped sending turns. My guess is he has been kidnapped by an amorous moose (no Bauhaus - 'moose', not 'Mouse'), but who knows?

Speedbump is currently running away from his initial defensive positions much faster than I can catch him. This is a Berli design, however, so I fully expect a battalion of elite SS mechanized troops to materialize amongst my ranks at any moment.

Phillies Phan appears to have plenty of time to chatter like a monkey but no time to SEND ME A TURN.

dalem and I have not made contact yet -- we are too busy trying to slog forward through the sea of mud that is this battlefield. Given that he is from Michigan and moving to Minnesota, and therefore resides somewhere between an lizard and a frog on the evolutionary scale, he is probably enjoying this. Just for the record, I hate you, dalem.

jshandorf is whining and wailing about the loss of his veteran paratroops. Picture an idyllic village being guarded by half a dozen toothless German geriatrics. Picture a full company of veteran American paratroops assaulting same. Seems to be a no-brainer, right?

Not for Jeff. First, he seems to have divided his forces into three groups and, like two divorced parents attempting to discipline an unruly child, they appear totally unable to support one another.

Group One runs through the trees singing and yelling or something. They toast an innocent halftrack that stumbled onto the scene, then disappear to frolic in the trees, far, far away from the victory location.

Group Two runs halfway up a hill into a stand of trees, then promptly gets pinned down by a local boy scout troop that wandered onto the scene.

Group Three. Ahh, Group Three. Jeff decides to show how macho he is by charging my half-dozen toothless geezers with an ENTIRE American Paratroop platoon.

They run in screaming: "YYAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"

Seconds later, they run away screaming: "OOOOUUUUCCCHHHHHH!!!!"

Jeff apparently has not learned the value of say, scouting, planning, stealth, or finding out just where the hell those toothless old geezers might have planted a minefield!

Yes, that's right, Super Jeff, the lead representative of teh Muthah Beautiful Thread to the Invitational, ran an entire American platoon into a minefield. The result? One Squad and the platoon HQ dead on the ground. One squad broken or worse, running for the hills. One squad, down three men or so, fighting in hand to hand combat with the half-dozen old geezers, plus a few neighbor kids and a Hausfrau for control of the sole victory location.

Now, much as a child who is told he can't pitch threatens to take his baseball and go home, Jeff states he won't play anymore 'canned' scenarios and wants to play 'let's go blind' or something.

Wahhh, Jeff, wahhhhh!

Iskander and I are still throwing snowballs at each other. He is paying a price of about fifteen men for each building he takes (about 120 men per victory location). He will not win this one, but has learned a new appreciation for the limitations of green troops.

Leee-o has vanished. When last we spoke, he said something about a weekend of raves, ecstasy and camping with boy scouts, whatever that means. Anyway, it is turn four or so in our rematch. His forces must cross a bridge located about 200m from his map edge. Thus far, I have neither seen nor heard him. I suspect his men, sensing his tactical brilliance, have convinced him that tunneling under the river is their only real hope of survival. They may be right.

And, in a final note, just so you know, I loathe you all.

[David Aitken]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Stucco wrote:

Angelina looks at times to be more than a little 'fake' herself.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Faking it for the part is one thing, faking it for real is quite another.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Lucky I'm shallow enough to overlook that sort of thing.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey! You're supposed to wait for me to tell you that.

[Speedy]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OGSF:

PS Feckin' gamey Stuarts an' haggis weak Panthers. Did Ah mention Ah hate ye all....

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

teeheehee, you do realise that if you hadn't mentioned the possibility of a weak spot penetration before hand it never would have happened.

AAAAHAAAAHAAAAHAAAA

[OGSF]

Ye're a right bastaarrrd, Speedy - but noo as much as Mace, who as a complete an' utter bastaarrd..

Ah'm jest full o' glee tha' Shandorf as nae happy wi' hais TRPs'. Cos bah all accounts. hais a baastaarrd tae!!

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OGSF:

Ye're a right bastaarrrd, Speedy - but noo as much as Mace, who as a complete an' utter bastaarrd..

Ah'm jest full o' glee tha' Shandorf as nae happy wi' hais TRPs'. Cos bah all accounts. hais a baastaarrd tae!!

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey, MacTavern - don't you have a turn to send over?

[MrPeng]

Gentleworms:

It is far too late and I am far too ipsilantied to listen to reason, or to care if reason is listening to me. there is some poetry in emotion and an emiticon is about to be bashed without remorse or regret. my only regret is that great white egret is standing on the shore eating the frog that was meant for me.

So you see that the double secret blood hamster probation emancipation proclomation for the brothers and the sisters and the masters and the misters is off base not in your face and cannot be replaced by the tone or iteration of the tenor of this Nation.

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

Iskander and what he handed her can never fill the void of a shandorfian shame - a shame that only one man named Colin can absorb. He is a whore and a fakir and he will never meet his maker since he doesn't believe in me.

He has blood in his hand and the rest of the 'pool understands that ELVIS has lost his loins. Purloined a letter becasue he knows no better and yet and yet and yet if only it were otherwise.

We despise the pool we root for the demise of the pool and if we had a handbag we'd be Betty. We snicker and bicker and laugh at our betters but the scum rise to the top as always. Do not go gentleworms lawyer's Firms set fire to the papers vapors rise to acclaim.

Mace is LAME. the sheep shinned him skinned him made love to him then hung him up to dry WHY? because it could. rolling in clover it rolled him over and had its dirty flirty way with him BAAAAA!

Its sad really that Seanachai is not here to hear what we say. He has gone away and left us. Opened the gates for the ilk of M Bates and damn near any ne'er do well. Berli has a private HELL for him. Lucky we dont care for him or there would be tears.

Sorry.

Peng still cant find the goddam rules.

edited goddamit because we are not so sober anymore

[ 07-06-2001: Message edited by: MrPeng ]

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng:

Mace is lame. the sheep shinned him skinned him made love to him then hung him up to dry WHY? because it could. rolling in clover it rolled him over and had its dirty flirty way with him BAAAAA!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Umm, is this bad? Sounds like fun to me!

Mace (smiley for Peng's benefit)

[Mark IV]

Pennigan's Wake...

I was just listening to the audio of the flight of Larry Walters, on the normally detestable Art Bell show. You remember, the guy who tied 40+ weather balloons to his lawn chair and got to 16,000 feet (that's 5000m for you Euros and other nouveaux metricists), and shot them out with his BB gun one at a time to descend.

Then I logged on here and immediately read this Pengpost. Coincidence, or Fate, I ask you? Could our own SSNs harness the very bubbles of the pool to rise above themselves? What if the balloons had been merely suppressed, rather than shot out? Is Peng the Larry Walters of the CM board, and who is the metaphorical FAA? Above all, where in hell is my feckin' turn???

Truth, stranger than fiction.

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Pennigan's Wake...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You mean he's dead?!!

That would explain the sickly sweet smell wafting from his body.

Mace

[Stuka]

*The Scene*

{A Junkers JU-87B approaches the landing strip of airbase 'Peng', its Junkers Jumo 211Da engine is misfiring on several cylinders and belching ominous black smoke}

Waaaaawaaawaaaaaooooo

{The emergency klaxon wails and frightened Cesspoolers stream out from their slit trenches as word is passed that it is the aircraft of their vaunted Kommandant, UberFuhruer Stuka, overdue from his latest, heroic mission}

Keeee-Feck'in-runchhhh!!!!

{The last of the 1200 horsepower fades and the mighty craft is no longer the stable air platform it is famed for and despite the brilliant airskill of the pilot, lands heavily, the battle damaged undercarraige giving way burying the prop into the soft earth and slewing the beautiful warbird ungainly to a smoking halt only meters from the tear stained faces of the 'poolers'}

" Who is it?"

{Whimpers a SSN, unfamilier to the custom 3 seater design of the craft.}

*Crack!!*

{Goes Meeks' brick, thoughtfully carried out by MKIV. The SSN falls to the ground in the foetal position, knowing he has spoken out of turn amongst his betters and lies still.}

(The smoke clears a little and the crowd observes the twin rear gunners slumped over their MG15 MG's, Oberleutnants Richards and Jolie appear unconscious or are they......}

*Screeeeeeeechh!*

{The bullet holed canopy is forced back and slowly, painfully, a black leather flying boot extends down to the wing. (The more observant among the throng notice it is made of fine newbie hide, whipped and beaten into a resilient leather}

*Ping ping peng ping*

{All is quiet save for the cooling exhaust manifolds and the barrels of the 7.92mm MG17's}

Ahhrrrr ohhhhhhh....*

(As one, the gathered mob issues forth an exclamation of relief, awe and wonder as, out from the still billowing smoke, steps their trusty Kommandant, weary, oil stained but still the same old Stukey they've come to know and admire since the commencement of hostilities so long ago}

"My fellow 'Poolers, I bring you news of VICTORY!"

*Roooooarrrrrrrrrrr!!*

{A mighty cheer erupts from the crowd, the small "erk" from the cowering newbie is drowned out as the crowd surges forwards, crushing the child to death.}

"A mighty victory over the one they call Seanoochyouterboarder, has been won this day! A battle fought over 3 minor flags and 1 major flag has been decided in my favour with 1 minor flag still held by the British..."

"Boooo!.........Hisssss!"

"And the major flag held by the ably led forces of the Stukmeister!"

"Rooaoroaooroaoroaoaaarr!!!

"A battle of attritionist V manueuerverist, my skillfull use of vehicular support to ferry troops to threatened areas has carried the day.

My initial flanking attack was beaten back by sustained mortar fire and gamey use of rifle squads to shoot our men.

By cunningly withdrawing the shattered elements of that attack through a smokescreen and the cover of several large fires, I co-ordinated a reinforced frontal attack on the major VL, from which I had previously been unceremoniously bundled with great loss.

With the presence of mind to keep some arty in reserve, the major VL was again assaulted, troopers rushing into the attack just as the last arty rounds fell, supported by a Pz IV and 2 HMGs in a prominent vantage point.

Vainly the enemy rushed reinforcements in, they were cut down like dogs as it was all too late, but still they came, and still they died.

British armour had been decimated by this time, 2 Cromwells and a Churchill lay abandoned or burning on the field (an instruction to their Commander on the value of infantry support for AFV's may have helped here), 2 Bren carriers, thrown in by a desperate Commander, were quickly rendered 'shocked' and later withdrew off the map, leaving only a 'shocked' Scout car at the death. From then my PZ IV and Hetzer roamed the field, spewing death at the enemy. Of 4 halftracks, only one was lost, an epitaph to the skill of their Kommandant.

By the half way point Seanoopdoggydog was claiming victory, all the while a reserve platoon was waiting patiently behind a ridge line for the right moment. This moment occurred as British reinforcements were thrown into the major VL battle, exposing 2 weakened minor flags.

This platoon, carried into the thick of battle by hastily organised H/T transport and supported by the Hetzer, overwhelmed the beleagured defenders and the end from then was never in doubt.

The major VL, scene of the bloodiest fighting, changed hands 3 times, was pocked marked into a lunar landscape by near constant shelling and carried with it the bodies of 94 friends and foe"

Result: 1 uncontested minor VL in British hands (by a tank crew of all things) 2 minor VL's showing as in dispute, (god knows how, I had men all over the place, maybe the hiding Mortar crew right at the flag pole had something to do with it) and the major VL firmly in Stuken mitts.

Lorak! I ask of you, oh keeper of the tome, to scribe thusly:

Seanachai; Hard fought, honourable, but in the end, hopeless attempt at crushing yet another Australian military genius. "36"

Stuka; magnificent, come from behind against all odds, tactically superior victory. "56"

"Thank you, thank you all. Now back to your regular duties. Dismissed!"

[Shandorf]

Attention.

I will be in Las Vegas until Monday night fulfilling every carnal and depraved desire that rests in my hollow soul. So, no turns until I get back.

As to those of you who wish raise my ire I use the immortal words of Peng on you.

Feh.

Jeff

[Stalin's Organ]

Surely you could fulfill all that and still get back in time for tea on Saturday??

[OGSF]

Wha' a bunch o' backlidin' shirkers!!! At's noo a workin' day, sae ye cease ye pointless postin' an' lait tha MBT drift tae tha bottom o' the firrrst page!!

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>{The emergency klaxon wails and frightened Cesspoolers stream out from their slit trenches as word is passed that it is the aircraft of their vaunted Kommandant, UberFuhruer Stuka,<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>You WISH! As if the gallant lads (okay, lasses too, though YK2 has been absent of late and Kitty hasn't been seen for ages) of the CessPool would allow themselves to be commanded by ANYONE, let alone some clown who takes the name of an obsolescent dive bomber that was DEAD MEAT to any competent airforce. Do you use sirens to puff YOUR reputation as well? You make too much of yourself sir ... luckily we don't.

Joe

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

You WISH! As if the gallant lads (okay, lasses too, though YK2 has been absent of late and Kitty hasn't been seen for ages) of the CessPool would allow themselves to be commanded by ANYONE, let alone some clown who takes the name of an obsolescent dive bomber that was DEAD MEAT to any competent airforce. Do you use sirens to puff YOUR reputation as well? You make too much of yourself sir ... luckily we don't.

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Joe, you are an idiot on two counts for your post...

XI) Direct your attention to page 6... note the post from Dame Kitty

a) Giving a response to Stupka gives his post legitimacy

[Iskander]

rumbling... pinging... vomiting... such are the sounds that reach Iskander in his drunken fastness deep under Schloss Peng...

Huh? What? Oh, I guess Stuka just landed... too bad the girls fell asleep from boredom; or what is from laughing too hard at the tiny joystick? No matter:

LORAK!

Let it be known that Marlow, in addition to having no idea who really wrote all of Willie S's plays, has also never read Sun Tzu or Clausewitz and thus knows absolutely NOTHING about concentration of force. Thus leading to his LOSS to me... details are of course irrelevent, but he never really had a friggin' chance. Tell us, Lowbrow, where was this on the "suckatude" scale again?

For the rest of you fargin' barstages, I have spend the last two hours touring (and sampling) at Buffalo Trace Distillery (Distillery of the Year, 2000), thus caring little for any of you (but do the girls need mouth-to-silicone?); while I owe no one turns, several owe me games, several more are useless hen-teasers who couldn't find their Stuka with both hands, and one of you is MrSphnctr who will likely get a surrender soon, as that Berli inspired snow-storm has ceased to be any fun at all; let the grogs and sober play crap like that.

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

As if the gallant lads of the CessPool would allow themselves to be commanded by ANYONE<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Gallant and cesspooler?

That's an oxymoron isn't it?

Mace (who is quite opened about being commanded, as long as it involves females dressed in leather, stockings and suspenders, and equipped with various torture implements)

[ 07-07-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]

[OGSF]

Lorak ye soggy infant chewed piece o' cheese cloth... mark at thusly ain ye tome o' horrors...

Mensch ha' hais spotty arrse kacked aboot tha map - LOSS

OGSF Spotty arrse kacker 81 tae 19 - WIN

Tha should bae some humiliatin' losses tae bae added tae mah ain accoont ain due course, but no' this taim!!!

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

Edited cos Ah feckin' failt lak at.

[ 07-07-2001: Message edited by: OGSF ]

[Goanna]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> a) Giving a response to Stupka gives his post legitimacy<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Pssst! Rumour has it that he also rides a crap Japanese bike instead of an Italian brand.

And . . .

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Mace (who is quite opened about being commanded, as long as it involves females dressed in leather, stockings and suspenders, and equipped with various torture implements)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

. . . or anyone who can make a convincing BAAAAA sound.

OK, you too . . .

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Tha should bae some humiliatin' losses tae bae added tae mah ain accoont ain due course, but no' this taim!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

As you say, “Tha cheque ahs ihn the poost”

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Berli responded to my post by stating: Joe, you are an idiot on two counts for your post...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmmmphh, I don't care for your attitude sirrah. And furthermore ...

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>XI) Direct your attention to page 6... note the post from Dame Kitty<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Regretfully, a "Mask of Shame" post really doesn't qualify, especially as it was unaccompanied by any bile. Sorry Dame Kitty, but I must call them as I see them.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>a) Giving a response to Stupka gives his post legitimacy<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yes, yes, BUT there are times when the consequences MUST be damned and righteous indignation MUST be allowed to flow forth. Surely (may I call you Shirley?) even YOU can see the wisdom in applying the curb bit and serving notice with the Mexican spurs? I've found the thread to be lacking an equestrian tone for some time and decided that this was the time to rectify that lack ... besides, from the sounds of it Mace might find it an interesting variation.

Joe

[ 07-07-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[chrisl]

Lorak - please chisel in the stone of the tome:

chrisl: draw

jd: draw

I managed to pull of a draw against his full fledged attack by the gamey use of crews, sharpshooters and snow. jd threw everything along one axis in the snow, and was slowed down enough that he couldn't make it across to one of the big flags. We both totally ignored a little flag way off to one side, but as the wall of germans approached, a crew and a sharpshooter volunteered to hike over and see how the snow was. Fresh, untracked powder. They flopped down and made snow angels while their compatriots suffered the harsh words and sticks and stones that jd was left with after 35 bloody turns.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Hmmmphh, I don't care for your attitude sirrah. And furthermore ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Why thank you

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Regretfully, a "Mask of Shame" post really doesn't qualify, especially as it was unaccompanied by any bile. Sorry Dame Kitty, but I must call them as I see them.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Pardon me Sir Idiot, but you did state that she had not been heard from in ages. Any post within recent time would put the lie to that statement... bile or no

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Yes, yes, BUT there are times when the consequences MUST be damned and righteous indignation MUST be allowed to flow forth. Additional crap about equestrian love.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Righteous indignation is fine if delivered with a brick... spurs should be left to your questionable social life.