The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

[Berlichtingen]

That did the trick

[ 07-09-2001: Message edited by: Berlichtingen ]

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Peng! If you could be so vile as to whip up a scenario, I will loath you forever <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well Peng I ALREADY loath you forever but I promise to think of you every time I kneel and abase myself before the porcelin goddess.

Joe

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng:

[QB]

I hereby ammend the rules of double secret probation blood hamster excorcisms to include the following:

33.iv - this rule has been expurgated and emended and fed a bottle of cheap vodka.

ii. The one wo be excorcised will be played by the acting father confessor of the 'pool in no less than 3 (three) {tres} concurrent games by not less then three game designers, two of whom shall be the evil one rune and three of whom shall be the other evil one Berli.

11. The third game shall be a game already in progress and will have a pseudo-sci-fi sort of a thing going and must have been created by a terrible liar whom we shall call 'chrisl'

11. the excorschism will be considered a suckcess should the acting father confessor win two out of three of the games. see rule XIV.331 for the conditions should this happen

133.XIV should this not actually come to pass and should the accused win two out of three games please see rule 44.342.C.1.cxii/b37

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Peng you fool. You left out the bits about punishment. Other than suffer 3 games against you and throw two of them (which, although utterly humiliating, isn't as entertaining as a blood hamster.), he who shall not be named doesn't have to carry an embarrasing sig file or a scarlet "A" or suffer any torture at all, aside from a couple of asterisks by his name (and after the first, which I believe he already has, how much more shame can he feel).

btw, you owe me a setup, though you should wait until august 1, since I'm headed off to vacation soon.

[MrSpkr]

Rescued from the bottom of the page, you knobs.

Yes, it's true, by his gamey, cheating tactics and my boredom which caused me to run everyone I had right up a narrow bridge towards his last tank, PL did beat the snot out of my poms.

But hey, whatdaya want? They're pommies. If they had been American troops, I am sure I would have triumphed.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>SO in keeping with a political model of dictatorship of the anarcho-syndaclist

and as Father Confessor and OWNER of the 'pool I hereby ammend the rules of double secret probation blood hamster excorcisms to include the following:<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> HOW many times do we have to go over this? You are NOT the OWNER of the thread, it is merely your namesake ... or you're it's namesake. Neither is "he whose name shall not be bolded" the sole representative of the 'pool. Indeed that's the reason for the whole excorcism, that hwnsnbb (see above) took too much upon himself. See to it, oh Peng that you do not make the same mistake.

Joe

[Speedbump]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Yes, it's true, by his gamey, cheating tactics and my boredom which caused me to run everyone I had right up a narrow bridge towards his last tank, PL did beat the snot out of my poms.

But hey, whatdaya want? They're pommies. If they had been American troops, I am sure I would have triumphed.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

A fine tactic that you should continue to develop. Now all I need to do is find an uber PzIV...

Speedbump

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Squire to Mr. Shaw<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah Speedbump, it is time to leave the things of a child behind and to deal with the world as man would. While I've no doubt that your squireship with me was and likely will remain the high point of your life, you are a Knight now and must stand on your own two feet. So lad, while I regret the loss of an adequate squire (there was no hope, of course, of your attaining the heights scaled by Agua Perdido) it it time and past time for you to remove or at least alter your sig. Perhaps you might accomplish the painful task in steps, by changing your sig to Former Squire to Mr. Shaw? Good luck lad, and don't forget "straight back, bend at the knees and keep the backswing low" ... oh wait, that's golf isn't it?

Joe

[Speedbump]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Ah Speedbump, it is time to leave the things of a child behind and to deal with the world as man would. While I've no doubt that your squireship with me was and likely will remain the high point of your life, you are a Knight now and must stand on your own two feet. So lad, while I regret the loss of an adequate squire (there was no hope, of course, of your attaining the heights scaled by Agua Perdido) it it time and past time for you to remove or at least alter your sig. Perhaps you might accomplish the painful task in steps, by changing your sig to Former Squire to Mr. Shaw? Good luck lad, and don't forget "straight back, bend at the knees and keep the backswing low" ... oh wait, that's golf isn't it?

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Good Sir, always the voice of reason! My greatest fear has been that with only one active Squire (if we can call Mouse a true Squire), the junior Knights might be forced to play SSN's as they wander in for a look around. True, given the crop of hopefuls lately, that may be an unfounded fear, but the subconcious dread prevented me from changing my sig prior to your noteworthy heads-up! Even then, I have Jabo! primed and ready to go!

Speedbump

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

"straight back, bend at the knees and keep the backswing low" ... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And don't stop putting the boot in until the pool of blood he's coughed up is at least a big as his head.

Agua Perdido

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>And don't stop putting the boot in until the pool of blood he's coughed up is at least a big as his head.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah yes, {smiles wistfully}, those were the days weren't they Agua ... did you ever get rid of the that nervous tic you had? It was so cute to see you throw your hands up to guard your head while you ducked and whimpered.

Joe

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Ah yes, {smiles wistfully}, those were the days weren't they Agua ... did you ever get rid of the that nervous tic you had? It was so cute to see you throw your hands up to guard your head while you ducked and whimpered.

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Shucks, I've never had a squire. Sounds like a fun time.

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Shucks, I've never had a squire. Sounds like a fun time.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You could take any number of the current lot of serfs. Let's see, there's, well, no, he IS a boor, isn't he.

Oh wait, there's umm, no, he's never around anymore (a good thing, but not very helpful under the circumstances).

I know, what about, no, umm, well, he's just a moron.

I guess you are out of luck Dalem. Sorry.

In light of the unfortunate circumstances I shall make your death a little more painful and lingering (to take your mind off of things).

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

It was so cute to see you throw your hands up to guard your head while you ducked and whimpered.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I must admit it was a challenge to keep up the "owie-owie" act when your fuzzy slippers kept tickling my ribs. I thought it gave me a bruise at one point, but it turned out to be a rash from the angora (what's a grown Kanigit doing with angora slippers, anyhow? no, wait, I don't want to know).

Agua Perdido

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I must admit it was a challenge to keep up the "owie-owie" act when your fuzzy slippers kept tickling my ribs. I thought it gave me a bruise at one point, but it turned out to be a rash from the angora (what's a grown Kanigit doing with angora slippers, anyhow? no, wait, I don't want to know).<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> The angora slippers lad ... {a tear slips silently from an eye} you must have forgotten but ... {sniff} those were the slippers you gave me for my birthday. While pink angora was not my favorite, they were a gift from you, my most loyal and trustworthy squire, and I wore them with pride ... and a certain, difficult to eradicate, fungal growth that came with them. I see that {sob} you've forgotten that gift. It's a sad fact of life that once you raise a squire to Knighthood they all too often forget those that groomed them to their current station.

But I haven't forgotten, lad, I still recall with affection the late night cocoa you'd bring me ... I never told you of the sleepless nights I spent with stomach aches, you obviously brewed it incorrectly but I wasn't going to hurt your feelings.

And what of our many practice sessions? Oddly I've not had ANY monitors explode since you left my service, I suppose they've improved quality control, and a good thing too, they were constantly blowing up in my face ... luckily I was usually napping and the glass missed anything vital.

But of course I assisted you as well. Take the night that those two gentlemen called, Bruno and Bugsy I believe they called themselves. They were under the mistaken impression that I owed some funds to a gentleman named ... Steve? ... Seve? ... no, it was Shiv, that was his name. I was able to give them directions to your home ... you never mentioned their visit but then you were absent for a week after that. You missed out on the riveting lecture series "Berlichtingen, a Handle or an Affliction."

I don't have that fancy new mouse you gave me, the one called the "Digit Less", I lent it to a friend but it was defective and, sadly, amputated three fingers on his right hand.

Ah well, an old Knight may be excused his reflections on the Good Old Days I suppose. Best of luck to you, Agua my most loyal and trustworthy squire, you may have forgotten but I {Sob} ... I haven't.

Joe

[MrPeng]

Gentleworms:

Several Points:

C. chrisl is obviously more dense than a black hole. The references to as yet unpublished amended rules in my previous post were of the "how do you keep a moron in suspense...I'll tell you tomorrow" variety. Guess we have rooted out at least one moron in our midst, eh?

33.Hvii/c

Berli you shall have a game of unimaginable swinerey at which you and PShawcan flail with your blackest thoughts and deeds. I'll put one together for you tonight. I have a particularly nasty map in mind.

X. PShaw I wish to point out to you, and jd and MrLawyer will certainly point you to the correct paperwork, That I am in fact the owner of this thread, all previous Peng threads all thoughts musings, items, doggeral, piggeral, fur, sputum, rat droppings and anything else you can possibly imagine containted herein and therein for now and all perpetuity. Think back if you will to the time of hamsters/Meeks when he complained that I did not own "Topplement" as it was his invention. Counsel ruled that it was indeed MINE. And what it is too, ahem, brackets miss brackets.

I would also hasten to point out to you that as Father Confessor of the thread I am INFALLIBLE (or is it infallable?) No Matter as however I spell it is the correct way even if I spell it "smarth." Now If you would kndly piss off a bit. I have some work to do inventing the consequences for a lost double secret probation blood hamster excioriscmsish.

Peng

edited to spell "smarth" correctly

[ 07-09-2001: Message edited by: MrPeng ]

[jdmorse]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Well Peng I ALREADY loath you forever but I promise to think of you every time I kneel and abuse myself before the porcelin goddess.

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Okay, too much information there Joe

[Stalin's Organ]

Just a quick note to say that a temporary visitor to these putrid halls has had a good thrashing.

Somce may remember Barf'nCuss who was here a couple of threads ago. In a comuter-selects-the-forces game he surrendered his last 2 shermans to my infantry battalian.

The star of the show being one of those a/c's with the stumpy little gun that looks much thesame proportions as anything Joe might want to abuse. It gave 75mm enema's to a Sherman and a Hellcat.

Hey Lorak........nah, on second thoughts go back to sleep......

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

[Good times.... good times...]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I don't know whether I was more annoyed by the endless seminars (kee-ripes, 67 animated PowerPoint slides on Mace's Many Levels of Gaminess?! yes, livestock, cherry-picking, edge-hugging, I get it already!... anyhow, a True Kaniggit should use an overhead projector... to bash his audience and then provide a delightful kaliedascopic display of the resulting fluids) or your persistent avoidance of death (I swear you have more lives than a barrel full of newborn kittens about to go over Niagara Falls).

I believe it's time for us to hash out the past once and for all (or at least for this week); as my therapist says, "a boy can never be a man until he murders his father and marries his mother." (Come to think of it, my therapist's diploma says his degree is in Classics, not Psychiatry.) In that vein (and in the hope of opening a few of yours, although let's leave the Mormon Wives right out of it; I'd settle for the first half of the prescription), I propose a match between us--a game of CM.

Now as I see it, this is a lose-lose proposition for everyone. If you win, you further taint your abysmal record and display your woeful inability as a mentor. If you lose, you further confirm your abysmal record and display your woeful inability as a mentor. If I win, I'll have beaten down a gassy old man (which is good, clean fun, mind you), but the victory will be hollow, rightfully deserving of scorn, like beating Croda. If I lose, well, it's a scarlet J of shame. And win or lose, everyone else will have to put up with interminable updates regarding the contest.

What say you, old man? Let us invoke Berli for a playing field, just to maximize the unpleasantness.

Agua Perdido

[Edited. Yes, edited. Well, not so's you'd notice, really.]

[ 07-09-2001: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

[Stuka]

Meeks is alive!

It has taken some months for the technology to develope to the point where Human cloning from Polar bear poo DNA is possible but it would appear to have been successful as last night I received a coded despatch from off of the old Stukey enigma machine.

Meeks misses none of you especially but did enquire as to recent developements.

I lied and said things were fine, there were no SSN's and the MBT was now a celestial nirvana where drinks are served on call by scantily clad Amazons bearing automatic weapons and the sheep graze peacefully on the meadows just past the palm tree fringed swimming pool and tennis court complex.

No doubt he will be along shortly for a look see, will someone be so kind as to ensure the "Brick" is ready?

[David Aitken]

PBEM Report

Armornut has just found himself a new job and returned to the land of the living. Last I checked he was gamily refusing to die despite me killing of his two StuH42's and shelling his infantry to bits with 3in mortars.

PawBroon has temporarily disappeared, but last I checked he was creeping around in the erroneous belief that I actually hold the VLs in rune's Caen Mutiny, and whenever he would grope a hand towards the cookie jar I would chop a finger off with a metaphorical flanking meat cleaver.

Leeo is making a right meal of crossing rune's river in Wide Front. So far I have upset lots of infantry with my 3in and 4.2in mortars, and taken out two armoured cars, a halftrack and a gamey indestructible Sdkfz 7/1.

All Stalin's Organ has needed to do is position his troops somewhere on the map, and sit back and watch. I am now confident that my men would have panicked and run away even if there had been no enemy troops at all.

Panzer Leader's assault against me is going to be very interesting. The tension is, well, tense.

When I asked Fieldmarshall to send me a setup of his choosing, I wasn't expecting him to give himself 50% extra force strength. I intend to kick him 50% harder for his blatant cowardice.

[Mark IV]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

MBT was now a celestial nirvana where drinks are served on call by scantily clad Amazons bearing automatic weapons and the sheep graze peacefully on the meadows just past the palm tree fringed swimming pool and tennis court complex.

No doubt he will be along shortly for a look see, will someone be so kind as to ensure the "Brick" is ready?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Send picture of automatic weapons.

The rest sounds OK but a man must have standards. And tell Meeksie, the depraved little coward, that his turns are all ready and waiting on the old hard drive, albeit somewhat compressed by now.

[Panzer Leader]

I know I am only a squire but could I take on Stalin's Thingie as a piss-boy?

Though he is unruly, uneducated, and basically an idiot, he shows promise, and to honor his efforts (though they be like a yapping little puppy) I will EVEN return him the set-up he sent me some time ago.

If this is not acceptable, then let it be known that WHEN I gain my silver eppaulettes I WILL take him on. As soon as Dame Achin' crumbles, that is...

[ 07-09-2001: Message edited by: Panzer Leader ]

[Stuka]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

I know I am only a squire but could I take on Stalin's Thingie as a piss-boy?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Think about what your'e saying.

Now give yourself a good uppercut and stop being silly.

[Stalin's Organ]

Y'know I recently heard a news report about a couple of guys who died of blood loss while swimming in a river in New Guines.

Seems there was some sort of introduced fish there, related to the Pirhana, that tracks it's prey by following urine streams and then bites whatever is closest.

Seems like an appropriate sort of place for Mouse to be looking for a piss boy.

[jdmorse]

Can I borrow the Meeksian Brick?

Thanks ever so much.

(sights on pansypuppys cranium)

*THOCK*

NO! AND HELL NO!

Thanks, thats better, but I suggest you keep that thing handy. PL seems to re-sprout after a dormnacy period.

[ 07-09-2001: Message edited by: jdmorse ]