Hortlund

We are not frightened of you, you twit we are just trying to stay away from the smell. Now go away.

Well, I would if I had any infantry! *edit Next time I will be choosing the scenario and side you gamey bastard! (Prepare to meet my King Tigers in Royal opponent, as soon as my pathetic pixelrussians are dead in the streets of Buda...or Pest...or whatever part of town we are in.) [ March 04, 2003, 08:11 AM: Message edited by: Leutnant Hortlund ]

Sniff...is it really true? The goal I have been working towards for so long? Can I really put that in my sig line now? *eyes begins to tear up uncontrollably* I think I'm about to do a Halle Berry ..I love you all so much!

We were just afraid we might provoke more outbursts of cut-n-paste song lyrics...

Quest for the anointed armored car Final update. Once upon a time, there was a young lieutenant who set out on a Quest. How it all started The young lieutenant did not know that a narrator would follow in his steps and document every battle in the quest. But here it is the report from the narrator, and thus the completely objective truth about Leutnant Hortlund and the Quest for the anointed armored car ---- Nidan1was his first victim. Alas, it was almost too easy. See poor Nidan1 lacked some very rudimentary knowledge about not-so-complicated military terms such as "flanks" and "surrounded". It was a bloodbath, but a fun bloodbath, because Nidan1 did all the bleeding. Then came Mike And if vile Nidan1 was a pushover, at least he tried to put up a fight. Mike was...more ...French in his attitude towards war in general, and this battle in particular. The battle ended the french way after a mere 7 minutes. SgtGoodey was next. He tried to put up a fight too. In fact he did put up a fight for almost 10 minutes before Lt Hortlunds brave PSW222s had him surrounded and shot to pieces....score another one for the good guys. Defeating Nidan1 Mike and SgtGoodey had been as easy as defeating some unholy French/Italian expeditionary force commanded by ...well, commanded by Nidan1 Mike and SgtGoodey really. They shall henceforth be known as the toothless trio But then came the vile gamey finn known as Jussi. Jussi, who henceforth shall be known as "the über-Gamey Laplander" brought nothing but Elite M17s to the battle. Needless to say this is about as cowardly and gamey as it can get. But not only that...He also TRIED TO FLANK LT HORTLUND with his über-gamey monstrocities. As you can see there was no end to the cowardly perversity of the über-Gamey Laplander ...nevertheless, brave Hortlund did manage to secure a draw against him. More thanks to the tactical brilliance of the young lieutenant than anything else. And finally Snarker or mr poopy pants as I think we should all call him in the future. mr poopy pants...there...that feels good. mr poopy pants mr poopy pants Our young lieutenant had perhaps gotten a bit overconfident after defeating the toothless trio. Maybe this is the reason why he purchased 15 conscript Malaxa carriers, 15 conscript Italian tankettes, and 5 Csaba cars...See the Malaxa carriers and the Italian tankettes are armed with nothing but MGs. Naturally mr poopy pants bought über-BA10s, and plenty of them too. So...outnumbered 67-1, the brave Csaba cars of Lt Hortlund managed to destroy several hundred vile BA10s...but soon the sheer weight in numbers decided the battle in mr poopy pants favour. He claims to have won 61-39 or something like that. But young Hortlund claims the moral victory. Just as he should. ----------- Sir Lars I return after my quest with 4 wonderful victories and one glorious draw.

[Pirate lingo] Sail Ho! Thar Off the starboard quarter she blows. Flying Hockam sails and peeving downwind in the full gale. Midshipman, summon the deckwashers and swish and raise the three glasses bow a pint of rum for the swabbies. Lower the quagbottle and thrice raise the lanterns. [/Pirate lingo] HA as you see I can talk like a naval laddie too!And let me remind you I work as a lawyer...did you hear that... A LAWYER As you can understand I laugh at your feeble attempts at mocking me. In fact I take that as a genuine complimant.

Bah...backup copies are for pansies. Real men buy a new HD and start from there. CMBB straight out of the box looks weird btw. I miss my mods. I spent days/weeks/months getting the exact right look on the terrain. You know what I mean...A grass mod here, a real color mod there, take this tree mod and combine it with that grass mod etc. Now I'll have to start that one all over again.

IL2- Forgotten battles In fact all my latest computer upgrades -ram, HD & processor -has been motivated by this game alone. Operation Flashpoint +Resistance Star Wars Galaxies (whenever that one is released) Civ 3 play the world. Oh, about our game. As soon as I get my email working again, I'll send you a new one...I've got something like 3 broken halfsquads cowering in some corner of the map left in our old game.

I will get the turns out as soon as my ISP mails me (snail mail) my password for my mail account. I mean who remembers that password anyway?

So anyway, I decided to buy a big new shining HD yesterday...60 gig. Maybe now I could finally play another game on the computer besides CMBB. (I only had 8 gig). So I go to the store and buy my new HD...everything is fine so far. I get home and open up the computer...Nooo problem. I figure "ok, I'll put the new HD right underneath the old HD, there seems to be plenty of room there...in fact there isnt really any other place to put it." Scene: Lt Hortlunds appartment. A dashingly handsome (if I may say so myself) young lieutenant is standing at his desk, working on his computer. Lt Hortlund: Hm...not that much space at all in this box actually. Well, first I'll move the old HD to the top slot and screw it in place there....*sound of a screwdriver* ...ah there nooo problem. Now I'll just have to...get this new...HD into place...maybe if I bend that cable a bit...and flex that card just a millimeter I can get the angle correct and slide the new HD into place...yes yes..here its coming into pl..SNAP ...ace. Hmm...I wonder what that snap-noise was all about. Never mind, everything looks ok, now I'll just attach all the cable and the power supply. Lt Hortlund turns on the computer and enters the setup HA I am truly a great computer expert. The new HD was found in the bios in the first try. Primary slave, just as I wanted. HAHA I even managed to get those pesky jumpers correct IN THE FIRST TRY. Ok, now lets just reboot and let windows do its thing. Lt Hortlund reboots his computer Hm...what is this..."Insert boot disk" Lt Hortlund reboots his computer Weird...it still wants the boot disk Lt Hortlund reboots his computer Lt Hortlund reboots his computer But it worked all right just a second ago. Lets see what the bios looks like. It can find the new disc, no problem...wait a minute...where is the primary master? Lt Hortlund opens up the box and examines all the cables Weird...everything is attached as it should be. Lt Hortlund reboots his computer Still asking for that boot disk....wtf kinda piece of **** is this!! Lt Hortlund reboots his computer WORK YOU BASTARD! Lt Hortlund opens up the box and examines all the cables Everything in place. Lt Hortlund reboots his computer I COMMAND YOU TO WORK. Lt Hortlund reboots his computer RRRAAHHHH Lt Hortlund opens up the box and examines all the cables You BASTARD!! WORK! Lt Hortlund reboots his computer Lt Hortlund reboots his computer RRRAAHHHHHH GIVE ME A HAMMER!!! I'll teach this machine who is the boss. Lt Hortlund opens up the box and examines all the cables Hmm...what is this tiny tiny 0.5 mm metal thingy laying at the bottom of the box? I wonder where its from. Lt Hortlund removes the old HD and takes a closer look at it. You know how a HD looks on the bottom side right? If you look really close on a circut board it looks like the Death Star trench run in Star Wars. Complete with some lazer towers and all. Well, the bottom side of my HD looked just like that, but one of the lazer towers were gone. Apparently I must have knocked it off with the new HD as I was sliding it into place. Great. Everything gone. And I mean *everything* All games, all save files, all 1 gig worth of mods, all documents all mp3s, all pictures, all the porn *everything* Just wanted to vent...carry on.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA I AM THE GREATEST COMPUTER GENIOUS THERE IS. I MANAGED TO GET MY OUTLOOK EXPRESS TO WORK AGAIN. I AM TRULY MAGNIFICENT. NOW IF I COULD ONLY FIND WHERE THE KEY IS THAT MAKES THE LETTERS SMALL OR LARGE. WAS IT NUM LOCK OR SCROLL LOCK HMMM...

...or on a more serious note. My email program (Outlook express) has for some reason decided to quit working. Whenever I try to open my inbox I get some weird error message in greek or something (msimn something something error in directdb.dll something). ANYWAY, that means right now all your turns are laying safe in my inbox just waiting for me to call the support or something.

To all my opponents: *moons*

You called me Sire! Quest for the anointed armoured car Update I have slain the vile Nidan1 in the dark woods outside Kiev. His pitiful cars were quickly turned into smoking wrecks by my able Romanians. Mike was defeated likewise, his pathetic cars were no match for my uber-Csabas. SgtGoodey was defeated oh-so-easily thanks to my tactical brilliance. Jussi, the despicable coward, the gamey bastige managed to fight his way to a draw, but only thanks to his EXTREMELY gamey trick of ONLY buying M17 uber-halftracks armed with the quadruple fist of laser cannons. However, my brave Hungarian PSW 222s drew a line in the dirt saying "not a step back" and thanks to their superior leader (me) I won. I won a moral victory that is, but theoretically it was a draw. Snarker My one remaining opponent has not posted a turn in a fortnight. Undoubtedly he knows he is losing to my magnificent force of conscript Malaxa carriers and Tanktettes, and therefore he is hiding. So alas sire, since Snarker is hiding somewhere, I cannot report the completion of my quest just yet.

Generally, when one person is doing all the talking in a "conversation" it isnt really a "conversation" at all, but rather a monolouge. If a person holding a monolouge discovers that the people he (thought he was) talking to doesnt respond, or have gone away, that should be taken as a sign that the monolouge was too long and/or boring, in those cases he should shut up and SOD OFF. [ February 19, 2003, 07:43 AM: Message edited by: Leutnant Hortlund ]

Time for some gamey updates: In "our backs to the Volga", the cowardly chicken-cowards controlled carelessly ©by Nidan1 is using the enormously gamey tactic of hiding in concrete buildings while shooting at my brave pixeltruppen as they attempt to cross the open streets. Not only that, somehow a communist spy managed to kill my Stuka pilot and take control of the aricraft and drop a bomb RIGHT in the middle of one of my clever flanking attacks. He killed one platoon of infantry, one FT team and one 105mm FO...great going "Rudel"...or should I say IVAN? Never fear though we'll see who'll be controlling the ferry traffic in Stalingrad when this is over. sgtgoody (spnb) has decided to try the new tactic of boring your opponent to tears. Its turn 20 soon and so far he has sent 3 armored cars on something that can only be described as a peacenick pleasure cruise. I'm over by the victory flags you coward!! Snarker is MIA...I knew my clever use of conscript Malaxa carriers and tankettes would scare him off. Jussi managed to cheat his way to a draw in game #4 of the quest for the anointed armored car I'll soon post an aar of that particularily disgusting game. Rat is about to discover some of the finer aspects of 17th century naval warfare as my mighty galleons are setting battle sails and heading towards his line. Little does he suspect that I have an entire squadron of 64 gun frigates circling up behind him... Arrrghhh...ho and hum, squash the maiden and sail 'ho. lenakonrad is probably regretting his/her/its desicion to post in the MBT. His Soviet conscript cavalry forces are fleeing before my mighty panzers (supported by 150mm inf guns on a steppe map). muahahahaha <-- evil laughter. Sir Lars Is, as always, an inspiration and a mentor to me and my unworthy pixelcarabinieri in Sapristi. I feel privileged to watch his careful and excellent manuevering of his forces. I can but thank my lucky starts and the fate that let me be squire to such a brave and able knight. Thank you Sire and may a thousand pieces of gold mysteriously appear in your kitchen sink tonight. Vadr and his pathetic Hungarians are learing to tremble at the sound of my mighty T-34/85-ubertanks....Already on turn 3 I have managed to secure two victory flags. Thrice I laugh at his feeble forces haha haha haha

UN Weapons inspectors: Nope, no tanks here.

You saw that? I was young, I needed the money.

Why would I like pain? Pain hurts.

*bows politely* Why certainly m'lady *dusts off clothes discreetly* allow me to improvise a small ode while I pour the wine. Far away on a distant shore stood the young nobleman thrice he called for his love but no reply was heard Over the waves the ships came flying Do they carry her reply? Man meets ship at the violent docks Ney, not a word is spoken Him: I do not know what to do I have no idea what to say Her: (silence) Him: Hello hello hello The waves: whooosssshhhh [ February 14, 2003, 07:33 PM: Message edited by: Leutnant Hortlund ]

But on the other hand you seem to have the whining bit nailed.

Are you sure he didnt just say that so you would talk dirty to him?

Well, you're gonna have a hard time chasing me into Pest actually since there aint no bloody bridge on the map. *edit Oops -Private, take the recon squads out back and have them shot. [ February 14, 2003, 03:00 PM: Message edited by: Leutnant Hortlund ]

hehe, you've noticed that too Vadr? Lets see, the week so far: Monday: well..it was a monday, how good can it get? Tuesday: Lovelife crash&burn..wasnt pretty.. AND I got a letter from the law firm where I was seeking employment saying "thanks but no thanks you drunken swine" (in nicer words though) Wednesday: Mostly spent pondering over the mysteries of women(or in other words-surfing for porn) Thursday: Huge fight with ex wife over how to raise the kids. For a while there I thought we were married again...THATS how bad it was. Friday: Hum lets see, Valentines day...spent playing CMBB..pretty much says it all. But I've got a hot date with my internet browser later (see Wednesday). Yup...below average week.

*gasp* My sword.. my sword! I have been inpolite to a lady. For the love of everything sacred, forgive me m'lady *falls down in the dirt*