Marlow

Temper, temper boys. It appears that the Southern Hemisphere is currently undergoing a severe Prozac shortage. The Mad Cue Ball and various 'Pool elders have decreed that we all should make kissy-face and play nice. In that spirit, I am resurrecting an ancient thread started by the Bard in one of his weaker moments. I propose that this thread serve as the next MBT as a penance for the sins of this one (with the added benefit (read primary purpose) of causing Seanachai the pain of seeing this past humiliation brought back to life). A kinder gentler MBT

Surfacing from the depths of the Forum I give you The Nice & Courteous PBEM Challenge Thread. An idea who's time has finally come, not for its original intent as an alternate to the MBT, but as a rest home for battle-fatigued Pooligans that have "Seen the Elephant" in the depths of the Cess one too many times.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by DekeFentle: I am insecure, and must have my Fionn's rules security blanket. You want to put it together or shall I? We shall see who's ancestors passed on the better gene pool. When the Whuppin' boy speaks, gather round and hearken well. Pain is *** most eloquent mentor.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I'll set it up. As I am feeling generous, I'll agree to your silly little Fionn's rule. Since it is to be a meeting engagement, I propose we also use the DAR ("David's Anal Retentive") rule for Meeting engagements where all forces must be set up in march formation, and on roads within the deployment area.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by DekeFentle: Updates; Marlow I do hope my succinct slaughter of the language continues to cause you pain. When the Whuppin' boy speaks, gather round and hearken well. Pain is *** most eloquent mentor.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Your very existence causes a excruciating pain and a great weeping and gnashing of teeth. Fortunately for me it not my personal pain, but the pain and humiliation of your ancestors, both dead and alive, who through the fickle laws of biology must claim you for their own. Being the great humanitarian that I am, I will put you out of their misery. Consider yourself challenged (in the sense that I challenge you. The other meaning goes without saying).

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by The_Capt: I THINK I FOUND IT!!! ULTIMATE BUMP!!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Get back to work. What you hold is a false sliver of the True Cross. I have one that is at least 3 months older: in the begining

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken: Granted, a Meeting Engagement is not representative of many historical battles, but it does have a credible basis, which is destroyed by the presence of predeployed units as described above.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yes, I recognize that meeting engagements did happen (if not all that often), but what I said was: "The meeting engagement as it is used in CM quickbattles is a historical anomaly. In a real ME, each side would not know ifthe enemy was already occupying the objective, and would take far greater steps to assure their security as they approached said objective. As far as setting up guns, the person who doesn't purchase transport runs the risk of not having any locations with favorable terrain and line of sight, thus wasting the points spent on the gun.

Please. Sounds like sour grapes to me. The meeting engagement as it is used in CM quickbattles is a historical anomaly to start with, so playing a ME QB is in itself gamey. The only reason that it exists is to provide a fairly balanced battle, not to model any historical battle. Using guns without transport doesn't take advantage of a game flaw (e.g. flack trucks or SMG hordes), and so it represents at most an unhistorical force selection.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by DekeFentle: When the Whuppin' boy speaks, gather round and hearken well. Pain is humanities most eloquent mentor.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Its humanity's you great pillock. The humanities is the label used for certain fields of intellectual endeavor (something you no doubt have little familiarity), such as literature and philosophy. Since my own proofreading skills are sadly lacking, I do not generally comment on others' typographical errors; however, since your glaring example is at the bottom of EVERY SINGLE POST YOU MAKE, I thought I would do us all a favor by pointing it out. FIX OR DO SOMFINK you bonehead.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lorak: As for my MIA list. It wasn never ment as a bad thing. Just a listing of those we haven't seen around in a while. That is also why I ask those of you here for your opionions.{not that I care about them} So out of the 12 or so listed as MIA 3 have been spoken for or a least reported on. I'll move them back up this evening. Lorak the loathed<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I'm currently playing Nijis, though he only sends about a turn a week.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by GenSplatton: How do you folks destroy these things? I know people have mentioned Artillery, but I hate to waste a precious and limited resource like that. Not to mention, a good player isn't going to let them sit long enough to be bombarded. Tanks seem ill0suited in that they get off one shot at most before the flak gun tears them up. And they seem to devestate troop formations. What's the key against them, short of asking folks not to use them?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Infantry fire is the most effective way. I got three with small arms in one recent battle (along with one from a 60mm mortar, but I think that was a fluke).

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: Title sneakily swiped from an earlier Marlow[ Abortion). <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Stop Thief! Copyright infringement! Where is my Lawyer!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader: Well, I [serious]think [/serious] we have had [serious]just [/serious] about enough of [serious][serious]THIS! [/serious] [/serious]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> While you may be a brain-damaged, truck driving REMF, you do have a point (although if you wear a hat, it isn't as obvious). How many times have we boldly sallied forth into the Outer Boards in valiant defense of the MBT, when it came under attack of the most humorless and clueless amongst the Boardies. We heard cries of "The Pengers are big fat meanies, and others would be banned for such rudeness." To which we replied inter alia that the Peng Challenge Thread was just one big happy, albeit dysfunctional, family where pointed barbs and clever taunts were the order of the day. "Calm down" we said, "none of this is to be taken seriously" we said. Well, it now appears that the thread is on the verge of a massive infection of hypocrisy from all the [i have a stick up my butt] … [/i have a stick up my butt]. So what has caused this recent rash of [serious] Oprah/Jerry Springer like outpourings of our intermost hurt feelings[/serious]? I am sure that it comes from reading too may threads on optimal modeling of firing on the move (or was that moving while on fire?). This insidious infestation can best be cured by the judicious use of [ignore] … [/ignore].

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dale Evans: Actually, Pilgrim, I think you misread the probabilities a little in the first place. 545m is what, 14 hexes in ASL? At 14 hexes, an unbuttoned StuGIIIG would start with a base 8 To Hit#, +1 for L gun = 9, -2 for Moving Target = 7, +1 for the M4 being a Large Target = 8 maybe another -2 for Target < two MF in LOS, brings you down to a 6 or less on two dice To Hit. That's about a 14% chance To Hit, even in stodgy aulde ASL "each roll represents multiple shots" terms. The M4 firing back and scoring as Bounding Fire is a little more spectacular in ASL terms, but not much more. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ASL Grog! Stone him!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedy: Hey Lorak, scribe thusly, the mad wannabe Scotsman OGSF and his gamey Panther and Wespe using German rabble have been soundly defeated by my glorious French <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah, this reminds me that I have neglected to report my recent topplement of the Mad Scot Bastarrrrd. Despite my bet efforts, I was not able to remove Sir Alphabet's vermin from two of four minor VLs; however, his loss of two devil hetzers, two Panthers, and FOUR Flak-truck-thingys-from-hell managed to tip the score to the good guys. A minor victory of 60 something to 30 something. Marlow Whupper OBGYN Whuppee In other news, The Hand of the Law is being administered a beating of epic proportion in a 1500 point battle with computer selected forces, over alpine like terrain. So far the attacking Yankees have managed to capture 3 of 6 VLs, and have taken minimal losses (one hellcat, a few halftracks, and light infantry casualties) while the Germanic barbarians have lost three hetzers, an 88, about a company of infantry and three armored cars. This despite the fact that the computer is a gamey bastard and gave me a heavy weapons company for an attack, and gave Lawyer SMG hordes and devil hetzers. jd is kicking my behind, so we need not dwell any further on that battle other than to say if you run across a scenario with greyhounds against Panthers, run away, run very far away. Shandy Duncan looks to be in trouble in our current battle (ME, night, fog, unrestricted purchase). He has a lot more face up soldiers, and onesees and twosees that used to be threesees than I do. He recently commented "you have a lot of infantry." More where they came from sonny. The fog hides many things. Make sure you ask Jefe about the special he has going on halftracks. Low mileage, a few holes, and bloodstains that should come out with baking soda. Mr. Sphincter is feeling warm and fuzzy about his chances in our current game. Enjoy it while it lasts. Speedy and I are engaged in a fun little bloodbath. Lots of 'Sploding buldings, burning tanks, bodies (minus the unmodeled blood. DO SOMEFINK BTS). I now have the VLs and should be able to eek a win out unless he kills my 251/9s, which he has taken to calling the "Spawn of the Evil One." WildWoman has potentially managed to pull defeat from the jaws of victory, and is currently learning the valuable lesson that close range combat with Mountain troops is not a good idea. Goodonya matey. [ 08-01-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw: [brain damage mode]All kidding aside, I am absolutely NOT going to be FORCED by you or anyone else to play a GAME, A GAME for God's sake that I don't want to play for whatever reason I don't want to play it. [/brain damage mode] <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Bah says I. You pillock. Methinks you should be stripped of all noble title for such a post. Of course you have no obligation to play any blood rodent game with anyone (what are they going to do? hack your sig line?), but at the same time, your refusal of such a game leaves you fair game all sorts of vile (albeit normal) "pool behavior (e.g. charges of cowardice, flung doo-doo balls, and having your low name dragged through whatever vile sludge serves as mud around here). Please don't let the idea that we will behave in a civilized way, even to our own, ever pass through that feeble knot of grey matter that is ensconced within your bony head. Don't think we won't be watching you missy.

I don't think there is a problem with infantry killing halftracks. Just ask Shandorf about the three I got last turn. wOOt.

Due to the high level of flame wars, newbie bating, and just plain old nastiness on the Forum, I have decided to set a shining example by only posting nice and polite messages from here on out. By golly, if you can't say something nice about a person, don't say anything at all. With this new shiny happy philosophy in place, I give you Updates: Wildman I take full responsibility for the actions of the crew of the Mark IV that destroyed those three Shermans. You can be rest assured that they will be severely reprimanded for that unbecoming display of gunnery skill. I am quite devastated over the potential harm done to the self-esteem of the surviving members of those tank crews. JShandorf Oh, dear me. My men seem to be overrunning your positions. Sorry about that. I'll try to do a better job of running into your defensive fire this turn. MrSpkr I most humbly apologize for the actions of my men that may have frightened your poor Company mascot. Lawyer I feel very badly about beating the snot out of one of such noble standing in the community. I would really like to surrender the game to you now in order to spare you the humiliation of yet another defeat; however, I know that your sense of honor would not permit you to accept such a gesture. OGSF The final turn was sent last night. I am downright giddy in anticipation over the results of our gentlemanly duel. I hope that the outcome is to your satisfaction. Sorry about killing all your armor (or armour so as not to be Americanocentric). jd I am so glad that you are pleased with the utter destruction of my force. Glad to be of service. Nijis If I were not a gentleman, I would have to laugh at the ongoing destruction of your mechanized forces, but I am, so I won't. Speedy I knew you were worried about that Cromwell that was in a gun duel with my 251/9s. I can most happily report that I have ordered my men to only fire dud rounds at your tank, resulting in multiple hits and penetrations, but no actual damage to your fine fighting machine. SteveTheRat and PeterNZer I most eagerly anticipate the resumption of our contests so that I may witness your display of military prowness. If I have forgotten anyone, I most humbly apologize. Please do not feel that the omission is in any way a reflection of my esteem for you, but rather consider it to be due to my obviously defective memory. Have a nice day.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer: So I say Seanachai must be re-tried and re-hung <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Its re-hanged. Re-hung is something they can only do at expensive Scandinavian clinics.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Triumvir: Not to mention that the last QB I played against the AI had the AI picking 4 Jacksons in a 1000 pt armour game... a _little_ gamey, I thought. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Why? Tank destroyer platoons consisted of 4 vehicles, and Jacksons were not particularly rare.

Your Honor, A point of order. I hesitate to raise this point (down ...) at this late hour, but I question your jurisdiction in the matter of Seanachai. As clearly stated in the Cesspool Rules of Procedure, a jurisdictional challenge can be brought at any stage of the proceeding. The vile crime of which the defendant stands accused is hearsay, which is not a violation of any civil or criminal code, but rather a violation of canon law. Thus, the proper adjudicative body is the Cesspool's Ecclesiastical Court. Therefore, it should be that drunken sot Peng, in his role as Father Confessor, that sits in judgment.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Iskander: H. Browne is the perinneal Libertoid candidate... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I thought he was that magician in those kids books. Both have about the same shot to reach the Whitehouse. A small update. Dalem has fallen to my victorious defenders of the Fatherland. This really was never at issue, because unbeknownst to my unesteemed opponent, I have his dog's ears. These ears are a powerful mojo, which basically means that I own Dalai Lama. The ears were first taken from dalem by a former member of the 'Pool, whose name remains now only as a legend to scare small children. Yes, I speak of Croda. You assorted dippers and pissboys may think that Croda never really existed; however, he once posted here with a frequency to rival Panty Liner. His posts were true works of vicious, blue collar art. His game, unfortunately, could not match the hype. It was in the glory days of the MBT that one formerly known as JDmorse let slip the Croda of war, and I found myself locked in mortal combat. But this was no ordinary combat, it was a battle sent from on high by the Knight of the Pool/Betagod rune (genuflect to my former liege lord). The name of this battle: Croda Marlow Yes, fellow 'Pooligans, look in awe. I alone among the resident Knights of the 'Pool have a scenario from the master named after me. Part of the "A Matter of Honor" Scenario Pack in fact. Others may be older, wiser, or better at CM, but I alone have been so honored. In any event, after a glorious victory over Croda, I took possession of the grisly trophy, dalem's dog's ears. The bottom line: Marlow Win Dale Evans Lose Also Sir Lorak, in a review of the Tome, I noticed that you appear to have missed my victory over Speedy that occurred during your hiatus. So, I'll add: Marlow Win Sir Speed-a-lot Lose In other news, I will be away until next Tuesday. I may or may not get turns out tonight. [ 07-10-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

Of course if Seanachai is excommunicated, burned at the stake, stoned (or whatever we do to heretics these days), the rest of his little sect will have to go as well. This includes former squires Hiram Phan, Mr. Sprinkler, and current squire Pamper Leaker (no lose there).

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by The Commissar: I believe that the tank you mentioned which could take off its tracks and ride on wheels could be the Soviet BT. I don't rightly know what model it is exactly, but I saw and read about these tanks in a WW2 encyclopedia a while ago. Dont have it with me at the moment so I cant confirm this.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> If it was lend-lease rather than Soviet built, it was probably a British built light tank, the Tetrarch (sp?).

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai: An Open Invitation, Originally posted on Winecape's Invitational "Tournament of Chumps". ... And an open invite. For any of the 'Invitation of Stars' Tourney, they've got a place to post, posture, and carry on like drunken sailors. No one will require the standard 'Peng Challenge Thread' rules and 'trial by ordeal' <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Kurtz-a-chai, It is obvious that your methods have become unsound. The invitation of the unworthy "Tournament of Stars" participants shows that you are operating outside all the standards of Pooligan conduct. This is likely the result of some blow to the head. The high Brinell hardness of your skull has resulted in a far lower resistance to damage that its thickness would otherwise suggest, and like some modern day Phineas Gage, you have begun exhibit a marked change in behavior. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai: [QB … then upon his victory, he has the right to status as a Seniour Knight. [/QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You, a one time Defender of the Faith have taken steps unheard of for one of the Old Ones. Steps that border on hearsay. You would confer the elevated status of not only Kannaggethood, but Senior Kannaggethood, on an unworthy individual on the basis of tournament wins?!? This is contrary to all the 'Pool has stood for, as a Beacon of hope in a forum overrun with Grogs and Ladderheads. I say stoning is to good for you. You will be terminated. Terminated with extreme prejudice. Expect a set-up monkeyboy. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV: Mi-chi-gan. The Women are perky, healthy, provincial, and impressed with gold cards. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Is "Perky and Healthy" some sort of left coast euphemism for having per capita the largest posteriors in the nation, and perhaps the world? [ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

Mr. Stalin's Pecker, May I just call you Pecker? OK then. Pecker, you are apparently under some the delusion that we actually want you here. This is apparent by your telling Lard: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Yuri's Unit: Here's an idea - in the interests of more class less crap, why don't you go away...you rmember what that is - like back at school when no-one would play with you and yuo sat in the corner all alone? Well go back to that corner......and endure your miserable pointless life alone. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> While it is always fun watching the 'Pool dippers roll around in the mud like two fat chicks at the Mud Wrestling Emporium on amateur night, it would be even more fun to watch you trundle off into the sunset with Lars under one arm, and Mini Johnson under the other. Dale Evans, just curious, but rumor has it that your gaming group also discuss in great detail what the Spartan warrior "brothers" did in those quiet and lonely time between battles. Mr. Spanker, I find your familiarity with the "Porn Tzar" of Utah somewhat disturbing. The 'Pool is no place for airing your peculiar fetish for 40 year old Mormon virgins. There must be an "alt" news server that would better suit your needs. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jshandorf: bring me pain I haven't felt since my doctor splintered the specimen stick in my uretha and I peed blood for a week. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Shandy, Don't blame the Doctor. Didn't your mother warn you about "those" kinds of girls? [ 07-02-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]