Marlow

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem: "tonight we're doing the decisive battle in the War of Spanish Succession" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Would that be the Battle of Blenheim or the Battle of Malplaquet? [ 07-02-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hoopenfaust 101: I think Americans are some of the nicest people I've met. They seem pretty chill. Thats cuz they never fought the 12SS Hitlerjugend<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ???? Look up the battles at Rocherath-Krinkelt and Butgenbach (among others) during the Battle of the Bulge.

UPDATES APLENTY All updates will now include a Suckatude rating for quick reference MrSprinkler - Maximum Double Secret Suckatude. Suckatude on your entire line of little sprinklings, in perpetuity (said Suckatude must vest, if at all, within 21 years of a life in being). You Sir, are truly a gamey bastage. Your rush to the flag is abut one example of your profound lack of respect for your betters, and your obvious disdain for all precepts of fair play. Your low and underhanded performance was even more despicable because of the fact that you beat my rush to the flag by mere seconds. Also, in the future, please refrain from your twisted little stories about forced baths and large women in string bikinis. (is it getting warm in here?) Shandork - Suckatude rating of 5. Since I managed to beat you like the redheaded stepchild you are in our first game, and you only won the second because you are an edgehugging manhooverist, I figure I have this one in the bag. There is still time to nominate yourself for worst commander of WWII. dalam the earless wonder - Suckatude rating of 6. Only 4 turns left to take all those pretty flags away from me, better get a move on son. The amazing disappearing Nijis - Suckatude rating of 9. Found a hard drive yet? Icelandork - Suckatude rating of 9. I would be beating the crap out of you, however I realize that you are an emotionally delicate flower, who needs positive reinforcement. j-lowerclass-d - Suckatude rating of 8. Advances with the speed and grace of a arthritic tree sloth. Speedy - Suckatude rating of 3. Of all the worthless goat-smelling bastages I play, you perhaps smell least like a goat (maybe more like a wet dog). Lawyer - Suckatude rating of 5. Despite the useless force selection foisted on my by the computer, My attack has carried half of the VLs by turn 15. Time for you to plead ineffective assistance of counsel. On the bright side, there is still time to nominate yourself for worst commander of WWII (would be a tough choice between you and Shandy Duncan) WildChild - Who I hate above all others (except MasterSpanker), Maximum suckatude minus 1. Game not worth discussing, except to say I hate rune almost as much a WildBoy SteveTheRat - Suckatude rating 7. Sandbagging bastard. Sure you have no ammo left. OBGYN - Suckatude rating 5. All around the Victory flag, the Hellcat chased the Panther, A hidden AT gun shoots from the flank, POP goes the Panther. BleaterNZ Suckatude rating 4. MIA. [ 06-27-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mannheim Tanker: That's one method, but at a larger scale (platoon level and higher) you can already do this in CM. Until CM allows multiple targets per unit, I can't see how your method would work, Marlow. I agree with you how it's done at the squad-level, however (that's how I was taught to do it).<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I'm not saying it would work in CM (and I don't really think we need anything at the squad level other than the current withdraw command). The question was about how it can work at the squad level in the real world.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader: Honestly I don't see how this command would be reflected in the real world. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Break contact the real world version. The squad falls back one man at a time as the rest of the squad covers for him. The first man empties his magazine towards the enemy, and then hi-tails it to the rear. The next man in the squad then does the same thing, and so on until the last man in the squad. He pitchs a grenade, smoke, or something else that goes BOOM in the direction of the enemy, and takes off after his squad mates.

The scene opens with a wide angle shot of a dilapidated two story farmhouse sitting among barren trees and dry cracked ground. A sign is bolted on a rusted gate that hangs forlornly from one hinge. The barely legible text on the sign bears words that strike horror into the hearts of a nubile newbie pool dipper in his prime: "Old CessPooler's Home - Abandon all hope all ye who enter these grounds." On the weather-beaten front porch, which lists 10 degrees to the right, sit two craggy and gaunt figures in broken rocking chairs, the floorboards creaking rhythmically with their slow rocking. Marlow pulls his teeth out of his shirt pocket, and places them in his mouth This all your fault you know. Senilitea Slowely turns towards the noise, blinking his rheumy eyes Eh, what was that? Marlow I said its all your fault. This mess that the 'Pool is in. If you hadn't been constantly encouraging the morons that wander in here, we might not be where we are today. But Nooooo, its always "good effort, try again" or "you show some promise," or "for my money he can stay." What crap. What you needed to do was give them all a swift kick in the ass and tell them to get the hell out. Even the best of the bunch, that protolawyer MrSprinkler is a halfwit wanker, the rest are completely useless. Sean-a-chiapet Piss off. Marlow No, I'm serious. Take for example this latest bit with your pageboy pamper leaker. First, he disses the One True MuthaBeautifulThread on the outerboards, and then he wades in here seeking absolution and acceptance. Pissant. And instead of giving him a good swift kick in the nads, you and PatBoon accept him with open arms. "Oh, I've had a road to Damascus moment" Well, we should have done to him what was done to Winston Smith once he saw the light. Kurtz-a-chai Oh, come on, things aren't that bad, Hiram's still funny, and Shandork is still full of himself, and … Marlow Bah! This current bunch of idiots can't do anything right. When Panty Sniffer started a version of the thread, and another useless git Leoo hijacked it, what happened? "Oh, you are soooo mean to panties" and "Lets all give each other a big group hug." With YK2's little mother hen act, and all the other 'Pooligans playing psyco-anal-yst (down …), I thought this was an Oprah episode (or maybe "Hiram and Aubrey's warm and fuzzy challenge thread"). Why back in the day … why is it that we old farts always say "back in the day" … when we had a split in the Cesspool, we had a real split. We had a schism with heretics and inquisitions and blood and excommunications. There was bile, and hatred aplenty, carnage across the forum. Now we get take a prozac and call me in the morning. Its all your fault. Seanachai sigh, your right. Well, I suppose there is only one thing to do to atone for this mess. pulls out his old luger, and takes the honorable way out [ 06-26-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

A couple of points. 1) There seems to be considerable opinion that an attack up a game edge is gamey because it fails to account for units that would be tied in with the defender's flank. In some cases the defending unit would have other supporting units in close proximity in the line, but quite often a defensive line was created by a string of strategic defended crossroads, villages, or strongpoint. For example, in the Ardennes holding a stretch of forest was largely irrelevant, as it was the road junctions that were important. In such cases it is entirely possible that an attacking force could move to a position on the defender's flank with impunity, and a defender has to be prepared to repel the attacker from more than one direction. 2) Even where there is a defensive line, it is not uncommon for an attacker to look for gaps in that line (especially points between units from different higher organizations) as an point of attack. Consider the board edge to be such a point. 3) If a map has a significant avenue of attack that happens to be along a board edge, it is not inappropriate for the attacker to use this terrain. In two games that I am currently playing, one flank had a nice little valley that provided a covered avenue to bring up my armor, exposing it to only limited AT fire. In one of those games, the rest of the board was open, and would have been a killing field. Verdict: non-gamey.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken: Quick, someone get a Churchill Petard or a Sturmtiger, load a shell up with Ritalin and let's see if we can punch through the incredible density of his cranial glacis.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> 2) Too thick. We need a rear penetration. How about a 380mm suppository?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen: Bit bored waiting for Goanna and Bauhaus to process thier turns. Thought it would be good fun to read a bit of the Outer Board... CHRIST ON A F***** CRUTCH! Are these people allowed to breed?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> So was it pantie's leg humping "OT - I'm so excited" thing or the "Wouldn't it be fun to make Volksturm look like Viet Cong" crap that you are referring to?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader: ...Panzer Leader ...was raped and murdered by ... a gaunt pair of dromedaries ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> pantie's life ... is a tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lars: Have you noticed nobody has told me to sod off yet? That’s because I’m picking on you. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No, its because we've been trying very hard to ignore you. If I tell you to SOD OFF, will that make you go away? Well, I'll give it a try: SOD OFF you protosimian halfwit, and take panties with you. While your at it, take the rest of the newbie twit pool dippers like Dictator's WeeWee and Tearpants with you. GET THE HELL OUT, WE DON'T WANT YOU. Is that clear enough?

Official Tour of the Schloss Peng Please be seated, and fasten your seatbelts, the tour will begin when everyone is aboard. Our first stop is the one and only original: Peng, I Take out Bloody Challenge Public This thread sprang from a humble beginning. Two of the Forum's more inept players, Senilitea, and Peng the Pod exchanged blows like so many fairies during last call at a San Francisco wine bar. Others also challenged each other to games, and a Combat Mission tradition was born. Ah, those were heady times, when posts were works of dark and soiled art, and unbolded panties was only a projection in BTS's profit picture. This thread outshone all others, much to the consternation of grog and boardie idiots alike. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth on the outerboards, but all calls of "BTS do somefink" fell upon deaf ears, as Steve saw what had been wrought, and pronouced "it is good." But it was not to last. At around 3000 posts, Pengerdammerung. Unfortunately, the death throws of the Peng Challenge Thread led to the meltdown of BTS's server farm as well as NORAD's main computer. WW III was only narrowly avoided when a plucky team of Cesspooligans stormed Cheyenne Mountain … (but that is another story). Like the phoenix rising from the ashes, The MuthaBeautifulThread again took its rightful place on page one of the Forum: Peng, I Am Still Taking Our Bloody Challenge Public. But this rebirth was not without pain. Jihad wracked the Forum as the Meeksian Schismatics attempted to subvert the one true Peng Thread. It was a terrible conflict, with much bloodshed on both sides. Eventually the apostates were suppressed, and their heretical thread given the Padlock of Justice, and later, the leader of the Schismatics, Insignificant Rodentboy Meeks was reunited with the One True Thread. This incarnation of the Peng Challenge lasted over 2500 posts. From here, we took a little trip to the Outback: TAKING THE BLOODY PENG THREAD DOWNUNDER This thread was notable for the increased influx of newbie swine attempting to make a name for themselves in the pool. Previously, only a select few had fought their way in to the inner sanctum with teeth and claws red, Marlow, Croda, Nijis were among those select and elite few. With the third incarnation, this trickle became a stream, and in later threads a veritable torrent. As time went on, the quality of the initiates began to drop, and even the level of discourse amongst the old ones suffered. From Down Under, many other placed were visited, but in each the stay was brief, and the notable posts fewer and fewer. These sad little diversions are listed below for historical purposes, but are largely irrelevant. THE BLOODY PENG CHALLENGE THREAD: ESCAPE FROM DOWNUNDER Time to Lock the Forum and Concentrate on Peng Thread A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess PENG I TAKE YOUR CHALLANGE TO GERMANY!! Peng in Paradise Sir Peng, I take your challenge to Lord Raglan Peng, I take your Challenge to HOLLAND! Does Peng Taste Gamey??? All your base are belong to Peng How The Peng Challenge Was Won And Where It Got Us PENG CHALLENGES a Thread I wanna be sedated by the Peng Challenge Welcome to Peng Challengeville! Note that this incarnation had perhaps the lamest title of all versions of the Peng Thread. What was Steve thinking when he chose this one over the far superior: The Bloody Peng Loonies are Slowing Down the Server Again Challenge Thread THE PENG I TAKE OUR CHALLENGE PUBLIC REVIVAL!!! PENG I TAKE YOUR CHALLENGE TO THE UNDEAD Go tell the Outerboards, Stranger,That Here Obedient to Their Laws We Challenged Peng I stood in line all night for CM2, and all I got was this lousy Peng Challenge TShirt OK, everybody, that’s the tour. No refunds, and get the hell off my bus. [ 06-19-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Senilitea: Actually, the very first Peng Challenge Thread went to either 3100 or 3300 some posts (Pawbroon would know), before Pengerdammerung. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Looks like just under 3000 posts to me, but Broonie says otherwise, so be it. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>On another historical note, was it not the death of the original Peng Challenge Thread that resulted in schism, heresy, and the Wars of Religion, or was that the closing of the second Peng Challenge Thread (which I believe went over 2000 posts before being retired)?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> As far as the Meeksian Schism goes, it was in the second incarnation of the thread: Peng, I Am Still Taking Our Bloody Challenge Public. This thread being most famous for the first posts in the pool from yours truly.

MrSpankie, You Sir are a ChowderHead. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr in the interminably long and boring thread about penetrations by large rigid oblong objects: Bumped just because I like seeing a 567 post thread on page one! PENG! now has something for which to work!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> If you were versed in the lore of the MuthaBeautiful Thread you would know that at one time the Peng Thread reached almost 3000 posts. It was like the Mighty Amazon, stretching across the Forum as far as the eye could see. By comparison, the "Big Ass NAZI Gun Penetration Thread" was a mere ephemeral stream. Today's Peng is a mere Slimfast shadow of its former bloated glory, much as you akin to the skidmarks in one of the Old Ones decrepit undergarments.

To all Kannigets and others beneath mention, I have returned tanned rested and ready, and will sent files this evening. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jshandorf: Riiioght! Who is poppin off the e-mail to that wine chap? I am much too eager to start adding to my "out-boarder stuffhead collection". It's right next to Marlow's stuffed ass since he hand that to me way back when I kicked it. I am already dusting off a place for Spock's ass when I get done kickin' it also...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Jefe, Jefe, Jefe, how soon you forget that it was I who first sent your posterior to the taxidermist (I still use it for a bicycle stand). If I understand your somewhat incoherent post correctly, you presume that your level of tactical mastery is superior to mine. It is true that subsequent to the severe butt-whoopin that I administered in our first game, that I had a temporary mental lapse in our second. The rubber game of our little match will be winging its way to you tonight.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Måkjager: It seems to me ( personal opinion ) that maybe the US troops misidentified the vehicles that they came up against. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> This is starting to look like the right answer. Maybe it was JagdPanthers instead? OK, then, anyone know anything about the 559th heavy panzerjager batt. attached to Panzer Lehr that was mentioned earlier in the thread? Did it fight south of Bastogne against the 4th Armored?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Treeburst155: competition will be very stiff. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Shandy Duncan always enjoys a little stiff (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more) Competition. I nominate Jefe to kick some Boardie ass.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: "BulgingBrat Sets Sail" Edited due to the somewhat disturbing nature of the post. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Man, where is Croda and PT212 when you need them. MrSpkr, I have generally been a supporter of essential liberties such as free speech, but in your case I'll make an exception. For this travesty that you, a mere Pissant, have foisted upon the Pool(and don't be mumbling any of that "but, but, I'm an all grown up big boy squire now" bullcrap), I sentence you to Death by Quick Battle.

*** Important Announcement to all my Imbecile Opponents *** I will need to refrain from my current kicking of your collective back-ends, as I am due for a well deserved respite from the daily grind, and will be on a week's vacation far away from the world of computers starting on Saturday. Also, to Jefe, I will be sending you a file full O death and destruction upon my return. Now to more mundane matters: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stalin's Organ: Edited to spare others that pain of reading your crap. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Monkey Meat, I find you tiresome and boring. Your recent feeble attempt at evicting BilgeRat from the Pool was an extremely weak effort as well as a tad presumptuous. Just because you have managed to wade around in the shallow end for a while, splashing Cess on those nearby does not qualify you to evict others that are obviously higher on Darwin's ladder of life (that is not to say that BilgeWelp is not an insignificant little pissant, but only that he is somewhat less insignificant than you). My little (and I emphasize little) Uncle Joe's Sausage, if you insist on polluting our fine little pool of cess with your blather, at least try to make it entertaining. To date your posts have been found to be a primary cause of narcolepsy. Not that I really expect you to stick around, as your tactical skills probably match your wit, in which case even dalem's earless dog could flog you. Hell, because of your incompetence, Russia almost lost the Great Patriotic War. If you were actually worth anything, then Stalin wouldn't have been so grumpy, and there would not have been a purge of the Red Army, and the Ruskies could have kicked some serious Nazi Bootie. Finally Dictator's Pee-Pee, I invite you to shrivel up and die, and If your going to stick around, don't bother to address me, because this post uses up just about all the effort I will spare on the likes of you. [ 06-07-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by (unbolded) Pencil Wiener: who are you, what do you want, and what the hell is that supposed to mean?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Pencil Wiener, I think you need to up your Ritalin prescription, as your ADD is kicking in again. If anything stays in your little mind for more than a fraction of a minute, I'd be surprised. You are obviously the product of our fine public school system, where history and tradition are ignored unless it is "the contributions of crossdressing sheepherders thought the ages." You have failed in the first essential task for all SSNs such as yourself, which is to DO A SEARCH! Once you have read the past incarnations of the MuthaBeautifulThread *crosses and genuflects* and gleaned the wisdom from the Cesspooligans who have gone before, then you will be ready Grasshopper. As for your questions: who are you? Who cares? what do you want? For all SSNs, but especially you to kindly GET THE HELL OUT. what the hell is that supposed to mean? It means that the French are lunatics, particularly PushBroom who I still have not forgiven for his premature granting of squireosity on such an undeserving pool floaty as you. [ 06-06-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader: Awww Cripes, how did I happen to attract the attention of a stupid newbie GIT?? Dis Donc! (French appreciation day, y'all) Okay GIT (for rhat is what I dub you, for now and all eternity) expect your quick demise to be in that porn-filled trash-heap you call an "Inbox" tonight. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> My goodness Pander bleeter, you'll just spread for anyone,won't you? Didn't even make him try a couple of times until he gave us a decent taunt, did ya? Oh well, Guess we can't expect much from Squire to some McDo's smashing, Mad Cow eating Frog can we?

Move it or Lose it.

The best armored vehicle depends entirely on the situation. For a cheap and well balanced tank that is a good match for infantry and any armor up to and including Stugs and Mark IVs, the Sherman is the ticket. If the enemy has primarily armor, the Hellcat is the best bang for the buck (just watch out for those 20mm and 37mm guns). The M36 is also a cost effective way of dealing with enemy armor, but like the M18, sucks against infantry. The Greyhound is great at dealing with German recon/mechanized troops. In general, I settle for a mix of tanks and tank destroyers. Each Sherman (vanilla flavored)/TD set costs about the same as one Panther, and to my mind offers more tactical options. Except for one particularly ugly encounter with AT pillboxes, this combo has not failed me yet.

A public service announcement to the Scum Sucking Newbies of the Cess. Since for better or for worse (obviously for the worse) several of you SSNs have become viewed by the OuterBoards as associated with the Pool. Despite our repeated efforts to get you to leave, you keep wandering back in like a pack of really stupid and ugly lost puppies. Even though we would prefer it if you would just GET THE HELL OUT, it seems that we are stuck with you (sort of like Herpes. Not fatal, but occasionally unpleasant). Since we are in part judged by your behavior in the OuterBoards, please try to maintain some level of civility. Or if you are going to act like an ass, at least be entertaining. Example of acceptable outside behavior: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Croda in response to continued questions about what the * on buildings meant: Any idea why? If I shoot a building it gets *s next to the name. One time, I had a building named Heavy Building*. Later it was Heavy Building**. I kept shooting it and it became rubble***. What's up? Does this mean that the building is going up in rank when I shoot it? If I shoot a building with my Company CO in it, and it get's *s, does that mean he became a general? That would be great! * - Please see post #1 on buildings with asterisks on this page of the forum ** - Please see post #2 on buildings with asterisks on this page of the forum *** - Did you get the freaking picture yet? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You see? Obnoxious but funny. Compare with obnoxious and unfunny such as anything posted by He Who Shall Not Be Named or Maximus. Now to address actions by a couple of our recent SSNs: First MrSpkr, From the "Liberal Linguistic Shenanigans" thread: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: How much longer do we have to see this garbage posted? BTS please fix or DO SOMEFINK!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You really need to take your own advice: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: Dang it Fleee-oh! - first Phillie's Phool and now you. If you feed the trolls, like some psycho chick you said hi to at a party, they'll expect you to call them and keep in touch and talk to them and be their friend and . . . . AAARGGGGGGGGGHHHH!!! STOP FEEDING THE TROLLS, WILL YA!!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now for (unbolded) Panzer Bleeder, I raise again my previous proposal that should you meet the requisite 5 battles that you be made "CessPool Idiot" rather than Kanigget. Why? Let me put this simply. You need to pull your head out of your fourth point of contact, and stop acting like Maximus Light (e.g. the GIC business). If we in the pool are seen as jerks rather than marginally entertaining, the already tenuous acceptance of the Peng will decrease, and we will have more "The Pengers are wastes of Oxygen, Do Somefink BTS!" Thank you for your attention. You all Suck. [ 06-01-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

I'm going to give a historical battle a shot (it may only be semi-historical depending on what I can find out). CCB of the 4th Armored fought a fairly good sized armor (in CM terms) action at Chaumont on December 23, 1944. Chaumont is on the southern shoulder of the Bulge, and the 4th was driving to relieve Bastogne. So far, I've read the versions of the battle in Cole's book and MacDonald's A Time for Trumpets. I also have seen some brief mention in other places, but I can't remember to attribute the sources. I also had input from the CM forum. These versions are a little sketchy and in some respects contradictory. What I know: The German units involved were: - 10 - 15 StuG III's of the 11th Sturmgeschütz Brigade - Elements of the 5th Parachute Division (probably the 14th Regiment) - Possibly (cole doesn't mention them) some heavy tank destroyers. The options seem to be (in descending order of likelihood) 5 JagdPanthers from Heavy Panzerjager Battalion 559 (based on Dan Parker’s Battle of the Bulge as related in the ferdinand/elefant thread on the main board); 5 Jagdtigers; or 5 Elefants. The American units involved elements of 4th Armored Division: - the10th Armored Infantry Battalion. - either or both the 8th and 9th Tank Battalion. Conditions seem to be clear and either mud or wet. I would appreciate information on a more specific OB, and anything on available maps.